Hi OP, thanks for the post, and others in the thread. It's comforting to read other people's experiences returning to the US, as I did the same and it didn't go as I had planned.
Little background. I'm approaching mid thirties, and about a year ago I returned to the US after living abroad for a solid decade, mostly in East Asia.
Trump ran and I felt a patriotism I had hitherto never felt, a closer connection to the country of my birth, and when against all odds he actually got in I wanted more of that feeling, like a man in the desert who gets that first drop of water on his tongue. I wanted to cease being a rootless nomad, and return home, despite all its flaws, all the reasons I left in the first place. And like so many fools before me, from all walks of life facing all kinds of uncertainty, I thought, "this time it'll be different."
It also had to do with work, which created a crossroads in my life at the time. Plus the fact that I had decided within the prior couple years that the allure of new random girls had (long) since worn off, that I did want to settle down with a quality young girl of a similar background (not that East Asian girls can't be great, they definitely can be). But, we all know about the kind of girl who travels or lives abroad, so for long term I felt limited to the local population.
So, I moved back and trusted myself to get a job. It took ages and tremendous persistence but find one I eventually did.
After the initial reverse culture shock euphoria wore off (oh look at the new dollar bill!), I sunk into a deep depression and haven't really recovered. Early on, I spent hours searching for "reverse culture shock depression" to try to make sense of what I was experiencing. Some sound advice was to give it six months so you're sure, even a year. Well, that six month mark came and went, as did one year. And if anything it's gotten worse. If I ever did "belong" here, I certainly don't anymore.
First, the things that have been good:
-Closer to family and friends, especially aging relatives.
-Driving. I bought a cool used car that is very enjoyable to drive. I hadn't owned one in over a decade, as there was no need.
-New friends I've met especially from the forum, some of whom are represented on this thread. People who are fun to be around and whose company and laughter have kept me sane, and without whom I would have probably quit my job and left already, or worse.
-I'm fortunate to work with cool guys, and be able to openly joke about the batshit crazy liberal bullshit of which there's never a shortage of source material. I get the sense I'm in the minority of work environments here and I lucked out.
- ...... honestly, I was thinking hard of another bullet so I don't sound like a prick. I really can't come up with anything else for which my immediate reaction isn't "yeah but that exists much better in place X" and doesn't feel tryhard.
How about, "at least it's not [insert your preferred third world hellhole] ... yet?"
Anyway.
Seeing so much open space is strange for me, too. For the last say fifteen years (including college) I could walk to most places. Driving is fun, but it loses much of its appeal when I have to do it all the time just to function. The isolation is maddening.
Violent crime. Practically non existent in homogenous East Asia, as East Asians commit very relatively little of it. I hardly ever thought about (or appreciated) it; now, I have a buzzing anxiety that's tough to shake. Locking everything, always watching my back.
Sports. Supporting oversized retards who would prefer me dead, who make obscene amounts of money yet piss all over the fans to whom they themselves feel no connection, does not appeal to me in the slightest. But here it's an almost-required social lubricant, and it seems like the only thing that can bring all people together. The colors of the national flag mean less than those of a stranger's football jersey. Because in post-America, people share so little in common with their neighbors, not the same religion, values, origin, history, culture, not even freaking language in many cases. So, let's ignore all that and cheer for laundry. Go team!
Stress and anxiety. I'll let Roosh tell it (
http://www.rooshv.com/10-reasons-why-het...ve-america ):
"Before I started traveling, I had some hypochondria issues. I’d experience a minor health symptom and proceed to have a meltdown that I was dying a cancer (laugh if you want, but this was a serious problem for me). My hypochondria has since disappeared."
I recently came across that and immediately knew what he meant. I can't recall having this before, though I did have anxiety, but I absolutely experience it now to a high degree, even developing something of a nervous tic, and the only changed variable has been location. I don't enjoy public spaces like I used to, either, people watching and the like, experiencing the company of strangers.
Girls? *shudder* ... As a moderately attractive looking guy with his shit together, I went from dating some of the most desirable, sweet, feminine girls in the world (often but not always East Asian, usually around 20yo or so), to trolling for older, marginally attractive, The Rules-scamming single mom scraps on dating apps. And those types of girls genuinely believe they have leverage, too, that they're valuable Because I'm Worth It. And forget about calling to set something up, rather than be happy/shy/nervous that you're calling, they might text back something like "I don't like talking in the phone, I'm a very busy person," meanwhile they're working at Starbucks. It's a f***ing sick joke, a perversion of all that is feminine and beautiful, something that's been well documented on this forum, but this post would be incomplete without it.
America: The Richest Third World Country. First world prices, for third world parts and labor. Our garbage airports that feel like upmarket homeless shelters.
Roads redone with shoddy, patchy construction that fucks with my suspension and makes the roads feel like an endless rap video. Payment in checks...like, from the kind of checkbook that your grandma used to balance with her pen and calculator.
Recently, returning home after a night drowning myself in alcohol, I damn near choked on some cold cuts. Apparently the butcher at the supermarket didn't realize I wanted only the meat sliced into my ziplock bag, and not the hard plastic that had encased it. Oh well, I can see the confusion as he didn't speak English.
Restaurants. Tipping for EVERYTHING. Plastic smiles, irritating servers, forced conversation devoid of substance. But please, kindly ignore the utter degradation of society and open contempt for the rule of law in practically everything, and be absolutely sure that I'm 21 years of age if I want to buy a fucking drink in peace. Because in the Land of the Free, risking someone drinking a beer at 20.5 years old simply cannot stand.
One thing I noticed about your bullet points on what you miss, is that except for the standard "family and friends," it's all related to physical environment and climate, mountains, beaches, heat etc, whereas the negatives are all related to society and people. I feel the same way.
It's like from a beautiful, handcrafted mug drinking coffee brewed with formaldehyde. One gets nourishment from the substance, not the packaging, and I feel like what's inside here is poison for the spirit, kryptonite for the soul. You don't always notice that it's poison, but you feel its effects just the same.
MAGA would have been just swell! decades ago. Now, as it seems so obviously too late, I wish the patient a quick, painless, and peaceful death, with the hope that from its ashes can arise something worth holding onto, something worth fighting to defend. Because, sadly, the USA is not.
Anyway, this is turning into a thread hijack, I just want to say thanks, I know how you feel, and, no, I wouldn't worry that you made the wrong decision in leaving.
Recently, I made a similar decision. In my mind I've already left (likely to somewhere in Europe), and I'm the happiest and most grounded I've been in a long time. I enjoy time spent honing my exit plan, and dreaming about a brighter tomorrow. Like an inmate hell-bent on getting that degree, the vision of leaving one day gives me the motivation to get up in the morning and work even harder.
And after I leave this time, I will never, ever, return.
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