Quote: (05-31-2017 10:38 PM)Know1234 Wrote:
Not sure if this belongs in the newbie thread...
I grew up reading RVF - much respect to @Kaotic, @Onto, @Moma, @Rudebwoy, @Jariel, @Kai, @WIA & many others for contributing here.
Found the forum at around 21 and I'm 24 now. I've come to a fork in the road type of situation with my first ever & current relationship, and it would be helpful to get some feedback.
Background on the situation:
- Been dating a conservative, submissive and sweet 25 year old woman for roughly the past 2 years.
- She is asking for commitment now to get engaged and then get married in 2-3 years from now.
- I have always wanted a family / wife etc but my timeline for committing to do this was always around 30-34.
- She just graduated university and comes from a 2 parent household.
- Virtually no social media presence.
- Rarely argues and wants to be led (follows what I tell her to do)
- She has a naturally slim, petite built and so do all her sisters and mother. Although she does not work out, she dances and watches what
she eats (no sugar, gluten etc).
- Never heard her swear / doesn't drink anything except wine rarely.
- Understands & supports traditional gender roles due to her being a devout Christian.
- We saw each other twice a week for the past 2 years and talked on the phone almost everyday.
- Willing to be a housewife etc - not career driven.
- Does NOT believe in divorce.
- Is willing to sign any pre-nup, marriage contract etc that I ask her to
- She is still a virgin and is waiting for marriage before giving it up.
- I did not push her for sex but told her that I will have to step out of our relationship to meet other women casually.
- She hesitantly agreed to this and we never really discussed it much afterwards. I actively denied & covered up other girls that I was
casually seeing to not hurt her feelings. (had 2 semi - regular FWB's at different times over the 2 year period, but the guilt of cheating was
too much for me so I passed up on some easy chances)
Where I stand now:
- After she asked me to commit a few times, I told her that I need more time to think this through.
- She sobbed, wailed & cried for a while when I told her that I need time to think this over.
- Although, I told her that we are not a couple anymore both of us are still emotionally attached and speak & see each other frequently.
- It has been a month since the initial break up conversation, but I have not given her an answer.
- I don't want to waste her time any longer and give her an answer one way or the other.
Red flags:
- She was engaged to be married to a 40 - something year old man about 3 years ago. She broke off the engagement because he wanted her
to convert to his religion and she was / still is a practicing Christian.
- We are not the same race. I'm Indian and she is Jamaican. I grew up around Caribbean people so I know & like the culture.
- We have different faiths - I'm not particularly religious but I can see this might cause complications down the line.
How can I best approach the following questions that I'm attempting to answer:
1) I feel that I am not experienced enough at 24 after meeting only a handful of women to make a commitment to marry her 2-3 years from
now. But I can tell that she is unlike most girls I have met or hear about and I am scared that if I let her go I will regret it and not meet
someone like her.
2) Although she is cute, she is not a stunner. The thought of passing up on potential stunners after I become more established in 3-4
years and missing out on bachelor trips & other experiences single men have does make me question commitment. Although, if I had to
pick - I would pick having a happy family with kids over travelling the world & banging random women.
3) Would marrying outside of my race / religion and culture have consequences on marriage satisfaction in 10, 20, 30 years from now with
her?
4) Since I am only 24 now and starting my career etc, I'm 4-6 years away from being at my most attractive to women. Would I be selling
myself short by settling with my first serious girlfriend? I would not have considered commitment at this age had she not been so caring &
warm to be around.
Not sure if this is enough info for the membership to give their opinion / advice / feedback. Please let me know if you need more details to give your opinion here.
I realize that in the end I will have to make the call but if you guys can give me a little bit of guidance on how to approach some of the questions here, it would be appreciated.
I am honored and humbled by your kind words and if Jariel saw them he would as well.
I am just now seeing your post for the first time.
I did not read past the first page, but sometimes I peek into this section out of curiosity. I told Fortis and a few others, I do not feel like my game knowledge applies to the forum anymore. I'm too busy gaming my wife, my kids, and my parents and in-laws to be perfectly honest. My hands are full as fuck. Most stuff you guys put up with with hoes or girlfriends, I would say next on. I would much rather the others have this space to grow and advise on. Other than Archie, no one came to RVF as a complete master of game. Jariel if you look at his early posts, was a beginner just like many others. Archie is so scary he still wants to compare notes to other players. That just shows his state of mind when it comes to game.
I will try to keep it brief and to the point as best as I can.
1. If you decide to stay with this Jamaican girl you are going to have at best a decent or so-so marriage.
2. Without doxxing myself the Jamaican women I know married to guys I know here do okay. They are submissive to a point. Better than your average American or Canadian but not necessarily "optimal". Don't expect to live anywhere close to a king.
3. I don't have concerns about her being a Christian, because most Jamaicans are and many take it very seriously. You on the other hand may or may not be comfortable with it. It would be a good thing for you. Almost no Jamaican person is a Rastafarian anymore so there isn't going to be anything strange about it.
4. You are 24. While I still wish even to this day I had gotten married and had kids at that age, the woman God set aside for me to procreate with was still a teenager at that time. My exwife unbeknownst to me was not the right one for me to start a family in my delusional funk. Nothing he intends happens on your own time or terms. As I have gotten older, the more I feel as if men (especially in today's environment) are better off getting married in their late 20s and early 30s.
5. This really isn't about sex and arbitrary things like blowjobs. This is about life and your fulfilment as a man as a whole. Your legacy and your immortality. You could choose wrong and live okay-ish, or be patient, choose well and live like a king.
6. I strongly advise against older women. There is nothing. I mean absolutely NOTHING that you can tell a woman your age or older about life, the world, and the order of things. Forget about what it is to be a wife. Your father in law will be the only source of authority in that regard. For Christians there are several passages not just Timothy. You not being a Christian may hinder your ability to invoke the word of God to keep your family in order. You don't have age on her either. That means you have nothing.
7. Women get worse or decay over time. What you see now, will be worse in 5, 10, 15, and 20 years later. She might be submissive now, but later it might be worse almost to the point that you hardly recognize her once the wedding cake effect hits her.
8. Marriage has stages and milestones. The first 2 years is the hardest to make. Most divorces hit in that range. If you can make 5 years, that is another feat because you can statistically make 10 and 15 more easily. Once you hit 20 and the kids leave the house (or not), you may find that neither are attracted to each other. All you have is the bond due to kids. You both have to find a way to rekindle love for one another. You will hardly recognize each other is the way it was explained to me. There is alot of research on this.
9. Your age hurts you in this setup. Men peak at 40. You will be a much different man at 28 than you were at 24. If you are passive, much like I was, liberal at heart but with a strong value system, you will change big time. I became so alpha to the point to where it drastically affected my game near 30. I have zero patience in repeating myself to women. I expect complete submissiveness. If any bitch makes me struggle, I say next and added to my group. I went the Asia route which made it more than possible because these things are built in to these women. In the West women like this are like Catholic Nuns because it is 100% choice and super rare.
Anyway, shit you will tolerate at 24 will not be the same as things you tolerate at 28, let alone 30. I already notice things in guys in the China Crew that are getting close to 30 compared to how they were when they first got here. Expect yourself to become 10 times the alpha you might feel that you are now, in 4 years. I promise that.
10. It may hurt now, but there are more than one women out there that fit your vibe to a T. The older I get the more I realize I had affinity with many several women. My wife is not the one and only that would have been good enough at a minimum. She still is the right one in a holistic sense, but I will never put her on a pedestal even though God gave her to me. If she died tomorrow or went completely left field, he would provide another for me. My abundance mindset surpases mere individual women and circumstances. Yours should too.
In conclusion, it is up to you bro. Make the call for yourself. I don't see any major red flags except age, but that is a quality of life issue, considering all the other factors. If she will help you accomplish your goals for life and you are okay with what you can expect, go for it. If not, steel your nerve and move on in faith that you will be provided something most likely better than what you have now.
I hope this helps. I will come back to the thread to check later on.
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1 John 4:20 - If anyone says, I love God, and hates (detests, abominates) his brother [in Christ], he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, Whom he has not seen.