[ms224]

2nd that

Own place, preferably with a house keeper.

Have you considered moving somewhere else, perhaps to some other part of Germany?

I used to buy bacon from a guy at the farmers market. He had a small pig farm near the town and had pictures of his pigs and stuff there all the time. Interesting person, I think he just wanted to live in peace with his wife and kid. Perhaps an idea?r

If thats your work situation I would definitely keep my eyeballs open for other jobs or businesses.

[Alpone]

I'd say you're not that bad off in a lot of ways. I wouldn't be in a hurry to get your own place as you're saving a lot of money living with your mom and she doesn't seem to be cramping your lifestyle.

The sleep issues are fucking you up though. Once you get those cleared up things will get a lot better and you'll have more energy to build your life up. I had the same sleep issues - what helped me was melantonin (but just a fraction of the recommended dose), and zinc/magnesium supplements. Everything depends on good sleep and it's not to be underestimated.

I disagree with the people who say you can't make good friends after 30. I've made a few lifelong friends well after college. Keep dating but look for dudes on the forum or other places who you have stuff in common with and who you could create a mutually symbiotic friendship which keeps you both motivated to do better.

[Vaun]

Move out of your mums house. After I read that, I quit reading the rest of the post. Start there first. Help her find or create a good living situation. Then head out on your own. I am guessing all of your problems really start there. Your rationalizing all of the supposed benefits of living at home, which at the end of the day are totally holding you back in life. Take a risk.

[Nordwand]

So, it appears that the OP remains at home because it is his duty to do so. In perhaps three decades, his mother dies. Then what? As I've already said, I've seen how this story ends (one in the UK press recently) and it is heartbreaking; children are not supposed to sacrifice their lives for their parents.

[Off The Reservation]

(03-11-2017 03:42 PM)goldenhinde Wrote:  

OP reporting in. For maximum privacy protection, I only sign in here via a VPN. And never through smartphone. Also had a hell of a week. No intention to keep you guys waiting on purpose.

First of all, a very big thank you to you all for the quality and quantity of your responses, especially for the direct and open words without any whitewash. A great pool of wisdom and advice to reflect on, and actually overwhelming me a little right now.

I honestly don't know where to start replying. Maybe first about my last week:

I swipe Tinder girls in Munich on an almost daily basis, and last week came across a girl who I went to high school (Gymnasium) with. She dropped out after grade 8th (went to another school form, called Realschule in Germany), and I didn't have any personal contact with her ever since. Only added her on Facebook some years ago, like most of my former classmates. She became a smoking hot woman, and actually I even liked her back in school, both by her personality and by her looks. She's Polish by the way, but grew up in Germany. Very funny and cute girl, no bullshit, zero bitchy. At least back in school. So I hit her up on Facebook, told here directly that I saw her on Tinder and wanna date her. She replied by saying that she right now has had enough after some bad Tinder dates, and rather would turn lesbian. Though we could at some point in the future meet for drinks, if she ever decides to date again. We exchanged some messages in the first two days after this, about school times and our current lives, and turns out she even lives in my exact neighborhood. Then after two days, messaging turned cold and she stopped replying. Heard nothing from her since 5 days.
I figured she just wanted to be nice by replying for some time, but rather directly told me that she doesn't wanna date me but rather turn lesbian. Got it. So, this fucked me up pretty well already.

Second part is that Thursday afternoon in my cramped, loud, stressful open plan office (we don't even have cubicles in Germany, it's just one large open space with desks cramped into every corner) I suffered from a nervous breakdown, had to leave the office building immediately to get fresh air and the feeling of open space around me. No damage done, I clocked out for half an hour and normally and calmly returned to my desk after this. This was an eye opener though to me.

The past years that I've been working in my company under poor management and permanent work overload fucked me up pretty well. It's everybody on my floor is just stressed out or burned out, with a bad mood, overworked, tired, snappy towards colleagues. So I decided to drop the bullshit, wrote a 2-page long E-Mail to my boss calmly, factually, but directly and without mincing matters describing the problems in our department and requesting management to solve the problems short term. I'm tired of backing down, eating shit and keeping my mouth shut. Sent the E-Mail to my boss and went into my weekend. I don't care about my job, in Germany they can't lay you off so easily, so I think management will finally have to deal with our issues, since other colleagues are massively escalating on their own in the past weeks. Maybe together we'll overcome management finally. If not, the worst case scenario is that I will have to leave this bullshit job at some point.



As for the original post and the feedback to it:
I should give you more details. My grandma is very old and lives alone. And my mum, though physically and mentally challenged by herself, spends most of the day at my grandma's apartment, helping my grandma with all the daily chores in the household, getting stuff from the store, etc.

So I'm alone most of the time in this apartment here, my mum is usually just here for sleeping.

Also my mum is cool. Like, relaxed and not giving a fuck about what I do or how I do it. She's the exact opposite of my over-controlling, negative, scolding and verbally aggressive grandma.
I highly doubt I would feel any better if I would leave my mum and this apartment, because: almost six years ago, I went into a relationship here in Munich with a girl who lived in a crappy student's apartment house (we don't really have dorms in Germany, rather smallish separate apartments for students) at that time. I decided to give it a try, searched an apartment for her and myself, was successful, we moved in some weeks later into a really nice place. Got the furniture by ourselves, lived together for more than one year and then broke up because of relationship issues.

The point is: living in my "own" apartment didn't make me any happier (I know, bascially it wasn't my own place but rather shared it with my girlfriend. But still). I was actually cool with coming back into my room here at my mum's place. Felt like home, felt good. You might think it's fucked up, but hey, what's the big deal about it? In many other cultures around the world, it's normal to have the elders living in your home, or living together with them in their home. It would be a shame to abandon them, and that's exactly how I would feel. Not because my mum would give me any shit for it, neither directly nor manipulatively (my grandma would've done that though. I would've moved out at 18 if my grandma would've been my mum, if you know what I mean). She never did when I moved together with my girlfriend. It's just because my personal value is that a family has to stick together, because it's the only fucking people you have that won't betray you. I wouldn't want my kids to leave me alone when I'm old and broke. Because then, what's the point of having children anyway? I won't leave this behind for some stupid and pampered Western bitches who measure a guy's value by his apartment situation and leave you after some years because a better option comes around. No way.

Also (independently from the outcome of my current fight with management) I'm intending to leave my job at some point in the next two years and travel around the world for some months, especially around Asia and Latin America. I'm sick of being stuck in that office.

Did a sabbatical year before on my own savings and a severance package from my former company who did lay offs. Was a fucking great time, gave me time to get to know and fuck some hot girls without running around stressed out all the time, wanna definitely do that again. And I'll only have the money for this with no strings attached, i.e. no own apartment to pay for.

You don't seem to get it yet.

[kirdiesel]

Nope he doesn't get it at all..

Then hell then come back bitching again about how bad German girls are.

Exiting thread/

[GoingTheDistance]

His last time online was November 7, 2017. OP if you're reading this, how about an update? How did everything turn out for you?