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The Anal Data Sheet
#26

The Anal Data Sheet

watch out for wicked UTIs post rawdog anal sex, EColi is no joke. Did a lot of anal with my long term girl, got wicked UTI and required a trip to the urologist to get that gram negative bug taken care of. Just a common risk and a heads up-Stay calm and anal on.

Delicious Tacos is the voice of my generation....
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#27

The Anal Data Sheet

Having a larger basher and being in the 30+ age market, anal is almost always off the menu.

Not that I am a huge fan, to be honest.
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#28

The Anal Data Sheet

Quote:Quote:

The ex-girlfriend of 4 years I previously spoke about was very sexually conservative. It was missionary in the dark and then straight to sleep, with maybe a blowjob on the weekends if she'd had a few glasses of wine with dinner (it was a high school relationship, I didn't know any better).After four years of this, I was ready to experience all the things I'd missed out on (when I wasn't cheating on her, of course). Buttsex, known in the biz as "anal," was one of these unknowns, and I decided that I wanted to try it. Jaime was the perfect partner: very hot and very sweet, but more importantly, very naive and very open to suggestion.

She was reluctant at first, not understanding why we just couldn't keep having normal sex, so I had to employ my persuasive powers:
Jaime "But ... I've never done it."
Tucker "I've never done it either; it can be ourthing."
Jaime "But ... I don't know if I'll like it."
Tucker "You won't have to worry about getting pregnant."
Jaime "But ... I like normal sex."
Tucker "Everyone's doing anal. It's the 'in' thing."
Jaime "But ... I don't know ... it seems weird."
Tucker "It's the preferred method in Europe. Especially with the runway
models. Don't you want to do runways in Europe?"
After a few weeks of this, she finally consented. Though she agreed to let me put my penis in her small hole, she extracted a promise in return: "OK, we can try anal sex, but I want it to be special and romantic. You have to take me out to a nice place, like The Forge or Tantra, NOT one of your father's restaurants, and it has to be a weekend night, NOT a Monday. And you have to keep taking me out on weekends. I'm tired of being your Monday night girl."

I made reservations for the next Friday at Tantra. Aside from being insanely expensive, Tantra is famous for having grass floors. Really; they put in new sod every week. They also advertise their food as "aphrodisiac cuisine." Yes, at that point in my life, I thought these things worked.

Thanks to my father's connections, I got us a corner booth in the grass room. She was quite impressed ..I ordered like it was the Last Supper. No expense was spared. Two $110 bottles of merlot, veal rack, stone crabs, the Tantra Love platter-it was lavish and decadent. I was 21, stupid, and wanted to fuck Jaime in the butt; I wasn't about to let a $400 tab get in my way.

By the time we left Tantra, this girl had doe eye that would have made Bambi look like a heroin-chic CK model. She could not have been more in love with me. The entire drive back to my place she was rubbing my crotch, telling me how badly she wanted me to fuck her, how hot I made her, etc, etc. We get back to my place and our clothes are off before we even get in the door. We collapse on the bed and start
fucking. Normal vaginal sex at first, just like always.

Now, what she did not know, and what I have not told you yet, was that I had a surprise waiting for her. [Aside: Before I tell you what the surprise was, let me make this clear: As I stand right now, I am a bad person. At 21, I was possibly the worst person in existence. I had no regard for the feelings of others, I was narcissistic and self-absorbed to the point of psychotic delusion, and I saw other people only as a means to my happiness and not as humans worthy of respect and consideration. I
have no excuse for what I did; it was wrong and I regret it. Even though I normally revel in my outlandish behavior, sometimes even I cross the line, and this is one of those situations .... but of course, I'm still going to write about it.]

This was going to be my first time foraging in the ass forest, and I wanted to have a reminder of my trip, a memento I could carry with me the rest of my life ... so I decided to film us.

I planned this beforehand, but I was afraid she would decline, so instead of being mature and discussing this with Jaime, I just made the executive decision to get it on camera ... without telling her. That alone is pretty bad. But instead of just setting up a hidden camera... I got my friend to hide in my closet and film it.

No really-l know that I will burn in hell. At this point, I'm just hoping that my life can serve as a warning to others.

I left my door unlocked and we arranged it so that around midnight my friend would go over to my place and wait until my car pulled in, and then run into the closet and get the camera ready. The top half of the closet door was a French shutter, so it was easy to move the slats and give, him a decent camera shot through the closed door.

By the time Jaime and I got to the bed, I was so drunk I had forgotten that he was filming this, and of course she had no idea he was there. After a few minutes of standard sex, she kinda stopped and said, all serious and in her best seductive soap opera voice, "I'm ready." I quickly flipped her over and grabbed the brand new bottle of AstroGlide I had on my bedside table.

A week prior, after Jaime consented to buttsex, I realized that I didn't have any idea how to do it. How exactly do you fuck a girl in the ass? Luckily, I had the world's best anal sex informational resource at my disposal: The gay waiter. I consulted several gay waiters who worked at one of my father's restaurants about the mechanics of buttsex, and each one recommended AstroGlide as the lubricant of choice. Much to my dismay, I learned that spitting on your dick is not enough lube for
buttsex. Stupid, lying porn movies.

The other important piece of advice I remembered was from Calvin, "Make sure you use enough, because if this is her first time, she'll be especially tight, and it might hurt her. Use enough to really loosen her up and go slow until she gets used to it. Then it's smooth sailing from there."

Well, since some is good, more is better, right? At 21, this seemed logical. I opened the cap, crammed the bottle top into her asshole, and squeezed. I probably emptied half of the 4 ounces of AstroGlide into her. I have since learned from homosexuals that a 4-ounce bottle usually lasts them about 6 months. So yeah-l overdid it.

But Tucker Max wasn't done. Oh no, after depositing enough grease in her to run a Formula One racecar, I dumped half of what remained onto my cock and balls, really wanting to lube up because I didn't want her to be uncomfortable.

Really-consider my thought process: I was going to fuck her in the butt and film it without her consent, yet I was truly concerned about her personal comfort. Sometimes the contradictions in my personality even amuse me.

Predictably, I slid in with ease. She was a little tense at first, but with an Exxon Valdez size load spilled into her poop chute, she quickly loosened up and got into it. I liked it also; it had a different feel to it. Not as good as vaginal sex, a little grainy, kinda tight, but still very nice. Before I knew it I was fucking her like the apocalypse was imminent, burying it to the hilt with impunity. After a few minutes I was ready to come. My urgency was expressed in my tempo, and I began really jackhammering her. As the excitement got the best of me, I pulled out too far and my dick came out of her ass. I kinda scrambled to grab my dick and put it back in so I could finish off inside of her, but before I could even get a hold of it and put it back in her ass, I heard a faint "psssst" sound and felt something wet and warm hit my crotch. It was dark in the room (I was not smart or sober enough to leave the lights on for the camera), so after I looked down it took me a few seconds to realize that my dick, balls and groin area were covered in a viscous black liquid. I stopped moving and stared at my strangely colored crotch for a good 5 seconds, completely confused, until I realized what happened:

"Did you ... did you just ... shit on my dick?"
I reached down to touch the liquid feces, still in complete and utter disbelief that this girl shot explosive diarrhea on my penis, when, without warning, the smell hit me.

I have a very sensitive nose, and I have never been more repulsed by a smell in my life. The combination of synthetic AstroGlide and rancid stench of raw fecal matter combined to turn my stomach, which was full of seafood, veal and wine, completely over.

I tried to hold it back. I really did everything I could to stop myself, but there are certain physical reactions that are beyond conscious control. Before I knew what I was doing, it just came out:
"BBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH HHH"
I vomited all over her ass. Into her crack. Into her asshole. On her ass cheeks. On the small of her back. Everywhere.

She turned her head, said, Tucker, what are you doing?," saw me vomiting on her, screamed "Oh my God!," and immediately joined me:
"BBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH HHH"

Watching her throw up on my bed made me vomit even more. Her vomiting all over my bed, me vomiting on her ass, the next step was almost inevitable.

I heard the loud CRASH first, turned to see my friend break through the shutters and rip the closet door off as he, the video camera, and the door tumbled out of the closet and crashed onto the floor next to us:

"BBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLLMAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH HHHH"

The memory of the 2-second span where all three of us were vomiting at once is permanently seared into my brain. I have never heard anything like that symphony of sickness.

I think the crowning moment was when my eyes locked with Jaime's, I saw her moment of realization and then her quick shift from shock and surprise to complete and irreparable anger. Between bouts of hurling she flipped out:

"OH MY GOD-BBBLLLLAAAAHHHH-YOU FILMED THIS, YOU

ASSHOLE-BBBLLLLAAAAHHHH-HOW COULD YOU-

BBBLLLLAAAAHHHH-

I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME-BBBLLLLMAAHHHH-

OH MY GOD-BBBLLLLAAAAHHHH-I LET YOU FUCK

ME IN THE ASS-BBBLLLLAAAAHHHH."

She tried to stand up, slipped on the huge puddle of backflow AstroGlide on the bed, and fell into both my pile and her pile of vomit, covering her body and hair in vomit, shit and anal lubricant. She flailed on the bed for a second, grabbed the top sheet, wrapped it around her, and started running out of my place. Still naked and retching, my dick covered in shit and lube, I followed her as far as my front door. The last contact I ever had with her is the image I witnessed of her in a dead sprint, a shit, vomit and grease stained sheet stuck to her body, running from my apartment.

The camera we used was one of those ancient fragile ones that filmed onto a VHS tape, and when he crashed out of the closet, the tape recorder and tape broke. It didn't occur to us at that the tape records the images magnetically, and we could take the actual tape itself and get someone to put it in another holster until after we had thrown it out. I know it seems stupid now, and believe me I kick myself about it
everyday, but you should have seen the apartment afterwards-the tape was not a high priority. AstroGlide, shit and vomit covered EVERYTHING.

I had to rent one of those steam cleaners, buy a new mattress, and I STILL lost my deposit. It was impossible to get the smell out. The next month was like living in a sewer. Every girl I brought back to my place after that refused to stay there, and some even refused to sleep with me anywhere because of how my place smelled.

What I never found out, and I still want to know, is how the girl got home. I never heard from her again, and the mutual friend who introduced us called her but didn't get her calls returned. I never heard anything about her or from her again, even though she left her clothes and ID at my place (she wore a tight dress out that night, and didn't bring a purse or any money with her).

Can you picture that scene? What did she do, hop in a taxi? Wave down a passing car? Get on the bus? She lived at least 30 miles away, there is no way she walked home. It perplexes me to this day. I'm hoping she reads this. Maybe then I'll find out how she got home.
- Tucker Max

If you are going to impose your will on the world, you must have control over what you believe.

Data Sheet Minneapolis / Data Sheet St. Paul / Data Sheet Northern MN/BWCA / Data Sheet Duluth
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#29

The Anal Data Sheet

How about girls that outright refuse or act disgusted?

I mean, do you let that shit slide? [Image: wink.gif]
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#30

The Anal Data Sheet

I am not totally sure, if I enjoy reading this thread, while having a lunch. But I love to do it.

"Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people."
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#31

The Anal Data Sheet

It's hard to find a Thai girl that's willing to do it - I only had one who outright said yes, and it was my old single mom plate that I had to get rid of when she tried to push for a relationship. My wife only took it once, and it's when she was drunk.
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#32

The Anal Data Sheet

Quote: (01-13-2017 05:46 PM)Ringo Wrote:  

You guys are killing me with these:
Quote: (01-13-2017 04:48 PM)General Stalin Wrote:  

Anal, the final frontier.
...
Fuck her good, hard, and long before you go for the brown star.
...
Once you feel that “pop” of your mushroom head fully breached in
...
I’m talking micro thrusts to start with.
...
to prevent getting that dirty flaky glaze on your dick.

Quote: (01-13-2017 05:21 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  

Just take the towel and wrap it around the base of your sword

Quote: (01-13-2017 05:24 PM)General Stalin Wrote:  

The worst I've had is a tiny dingle berry.
...
if you're gonna play in the mud then expect to get dirty.

Great post Stalin, made me curious to try it with one of the girls in my rotation - a first time for both of us.

You forgot this:

Quote: (01-13-2017 04:48 PM)General Stalin Wrote:  

Make sure to eat her out a bit and tongue punch that fart box.
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#33

The Anal Data Sheet

doublepost
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#34

The Anal Data Sheet




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#35

The Anal Data Sheet

Size is just an excuse - I'm decently endowed, and we pushed through.
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#36

The Anal Data Sheet

I think it's something you'd have better luck with on a younger girl. I tried to attempt anal with one LTR of roughly the same age, who said "she was saving that for marriage."

Sad really, that a millennial girl considers an untouched hole of hers an acceptable dowry.
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#37

The Anal Data Sheet

I never use lube, I just go in dry and fuck puta like Rocco man..
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#38

The Anal Data Sheet

Quote: (01-14-2017 02:07 AM)Cobra Wrote:  

How about girls that outright refuse or act disgusted?

I mean, do you let that shit slide? [Image: wink.gif]

Come to think of it I've only had one girl ever outright turn down the prospect of doing anal... and it was a girl that I friend of mine had banged previously and fucked her in the ass so I know she's down, but she didn't have a good experience with him.

He fucked her in his work truck and she was on her period so she did anal rode him cowgirl style and he said when he pulled her off of him there were crumbly little shits all over his dick and crotch. Worst anal story I've ever heard.

Anyway months later after my buddy tells me this story I have this girl at my place and we are getting down. She tells me she is "on her period" so I said "well we can do anal [Image: wink.gif]" She tells me no way hahahahaha. Had her take out her tampon and smashed anyway. Never saw her again.
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#39

The Anal Data Sheet

A lot of girls out there just love it: one girl that I know actually prefers it over vaginal - she's very "loose" though. One other girl would gasp and cover her mouth not to scream in pain but would get off 2 or 3 times because forbidden fruit is the sweetest. The third girl I had a lot of anal with was actually probing to see whether I was down for it first - she was worried that I perhaps wasn't [Image: smile.gif].

Common to all these cases: never used lube, always started slow but finished pounding like a maniac and they loved it, great psychological factor along side the physical one.
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#40

The Anal Data Sheet

Coconut oil is the best lube for anal; commercial products are too liquid and slippery.

Getting a girl used to having a butt plug or other anal toy inserted is a great way to prepare her to accept your cock later.

Lots of girls discover that they enjoy it and some seem to get addicted to it.

"If anything's gonna happen, it's gonna happen out there!- Captain Ron
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#41

The Anal Data Sheet

Last girl I took her anal virginity was honestly the best anal sex I've had. She was a real champ and once the hard part was done she fucking loved it. I was pounding that shit hard and she was yelling "I can't believe you're fucking my ass this feels amazing!"
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#42

The Anal Data Sheet

Done two who were champs about it, and one who begged off after a few mins of "OMG that hurts, I cant".

...I'm still going after it. [Image: wink.gif]

Лучше поздно, чем никогда

...life begins at "70% Warning Level."....
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#43

The Anal Data Sheet

The best is when you drop a huge hot load balls deep in her asshole but give no advanced warning.
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#44

The Anal Data Sheet

I cannot believe I have not seen this thread until just now.
I will read it then give my input.

"A stripper last night brought up "Rich Dad Poor Dad" when I mentioned, "Think and Grow Rich""
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#45

The Anal Data Sheet

Brought a tear to my eye:

[Image: attachment.jpg35372]   

Anyway, I will tell you that any girl can take a huge cock in the ass too, but the amount of care and preparation is 3 fold. Case in point:

Quote: (01-14-2017 11:01 AM)MaceTyrell Wrote:  

Size is just an excuse - I'm decently endowed, and we pushed through.(lol)

Girls in pornos take giant stuff in their ass, but that is after getting cleaned out, warmed up generously with different sized butt plugs, and lubed to high-heaven.

Quote: (01-14-2017 12:37 AM)Atlanta Man Wrote:  

watch out for wicked UTIs post rawdog anal sex, EColi is no joke. Did a lot of anal with my long term girl, got wicked UTI and required a trip to the urologist to get that gram negative bug taken care of. Just a common risk and a heads up-Stay calm and anal on.

AM you from New England?
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#46

The Anal Data Sheet

Delete
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#47

The Anal Data Sheet

I use a finger with lube, and then sometimes a small butt plug. Then go for it.

Usually on the first date, if she looks like she's into it enough. Many girls are into it but would never say it outright.
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#48

The Anal Data Sheet

how do you guys broach the topic of pre-activity cleaning? I keep wet wipes in the bathroom but can use some tips on how to get her to prepare herself better.
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#49

The Anal Data Sheet

Quote: (01-13-2017 09:03 PM)General Stalin Wrote:  

I've yet to meet a girl who refused to have anal sex if it was something I wanted with her.

Very true. And also a majority of girls will have no problem doing ass-to-mouth.

It sounds disgusting if you think with your logical mind, but girls who are horny will do almost anything.

Then they get married to some naive loser beta, and kiss the kids good night with the same mouth that she was doing ass-to-mouth while in her cock carousel years
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#50

The Anal Data Sheet

I am a huge fan of fucking a girl in the ass. My main loves it and that turns me on even more.

BUT, I will say...Make sure anal is the final session or at least wash your dick off before fucking her in the vagina again. Girls can get a UTI if you go vagina -> ass -> vagina.

"Once you've gotten the lay you have won."- Mufasa

"You Miss 100% of the shots you don't take"- Wayne Gretzky
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