[XXL]

I tend to be very meticulous and petty in relationship about little but inappropriate things [to me] my GF [every GF I had] says and does towards me. For example, I called her out when she started texting me some passive aggressive remarks after I didn't call her back for some time. Or when she didn't take care of her stuff out of pure laziness, losing documents, forgetting phone, and feeling OK with it. Stuff like that.

Stuff like that.

To be honest I do it out of fear of getting it out of control. You know as they say, give them a finger, they'll take the whole hand, power corrupts, etc. I've seen some examples of confident men turning into passive wimps in their relationship just because they ignored certain symptoms, allowed their women for too much and slowly but surely let their GF/wifes walk over them in the end.

The good thing was that after every thing like that she knew what she did wrong and rarely repeated it. She knew exactly what would happen when she cross the line again.

The bad thing of course was that we argued more than we should have, but who really knows what's the "good" threshold.

Do you tend to let shit slide or you stay alert calling out everything?

On one hand it can be viewed as "cool" when you don't react to bullshit cause you're above and beyond the bullshit and little things do not get to you. On the other hand man of value with self respect expects the best and does not tolerate any bullshit.

Where's the sweet spot?

[Turnus]

It's a fine line. If you start calling her out on every misdeed she does, she'll start to realize that is one way to get your attention or a reaction from you. From then on, she'll have control over you and you don't even realize it.

[Mufasa]

If she wants an argument give her one.

Haven't had a LTR since HS (no time) but with a girl that was the closest I've had to that she tried to make me feel bad about something so I layed into her. I actually said "you want an argument you got one." In all my dealings with women they are rarely right or they get tweeked off one thing even though theres 20 right things going on.

I'll make a point to point out how we have all these good things going on and:
"you're trying to destroy us over this?!?"

When she started to back pedal I kept the foot on the gas of guilting her on her selfishness and whatever for liking me, enjoying me, having great sex, feeling safe, and trying to destroy it all.

We never had an argument again. I shit you not.

[PolymathGuru]

You gotta learn how to spank that hoe!

[Ringo]

In all my dealings with women, including a 3 year LTR, I've had an "argument" maybe 3 times.

Maybe I should have argued more, but I just don't have it in me. While the downside is that I may lack the ups and downs of a passionate and turbulent relationship, the upside is that I'm always at a very positive balance happiness wise. Girls simply can't affect me.

A few things I can think of:

1. Filter the girls you deal with. This is obvious, but if you choose well, chances of having to keep your foot constantly on their neck is smaller.

2. Think of the things you care about. Make a mental line and let the rest slide. Some stuff is simply not worth your time. Is she wearing a shorter skirt than you'd like? As long as her ass is still being covered and/or the occasion allows it, no point in arguing. Did she drink more than she should at a party? As long as she doesn't make a fool of herself and you, just put her in a cab and call it a night. You're dealing with another human, they aren't going to be perfect all the time. Arguing over everything is petty, creates resentment, empties the point you are trying to make and takes away the joy from the moment.

3. Comment on occasion; observe at all times. I might not say anything when I see something I disapprove of, but I'm always, always paying attention to what girls are doing when they are in my presence. From there, it's either choose to say something or save it as a mental note on their misbehavior folder.

When they do something minor that I don't like and I want to correct them, I just poke fun at them and encourage them to fix the issue. "Come on now, how can you leave when the bed is made like this? I thought you said you were marriage material!"; "Did you try the pasta? You're such a passionate girl, thought there would be more spice in it, like you. Just add a little more basil and black pepper. There you go. Good girl". Keep it light. Don't even let them know you were bothered. It was just the "correct" way to do it.

"For to win one hundred victories in one hundred battles is not the acme of skill. To subdue the enemy without fighting is the acme of skill." Sun Tzu

4. If the line of the "big" issues is crossed, be ruthless. I never raise my voice or get emotional. But on the few occasions when I had to argue with my long term girl, I sat her down and talked to her a very serious tone. "Why did you do this?", "what were you thinking?", "do you realize what the consequences are?". Stare them down. You don't have to say shit - because of the fact that you rarely complain, when you do say something they know what's up.

All times I had to employ this, it worked perfectly.

I have a background in journalism so I think I'm good at getting stuff out of people. The main thing is - ask the question, listen to their reply, and when they think you are going to reply, keep staring at them. They'll keep talking, and talking, and talking. This exercise allows them to chew on whatever shit they did. If you hold frame correctly and squeeze everything they have, they break.

From then on, you explain to them that what they did was unacceptable and won't be tolerated. "Do it again and I'm gone. Do you understand?"

After she complies and hugs/kisses you, like a girl who misbehaved and asks their father for forgines, go back to whatever you were doing and leave the subject alone.

The point is to resolve the issue, don't hold carry it with you after that. (Just don't forget either, for future reference.)

They way I see it, the man is the rock. The rock is not moved by little things. It's indifferent to to what surrounds it, it's almost invulnerable. But when something big enough moves it, it hits heavy and conclusively.

[estraudi]

Been calling my girl out on some stupid behavior like wasting my time and well, now that I think about it, not much else but I am very terse and can be so strict about having to lay down the law about not wasting my time. i really hate having my time wasted.

She does drop the " I've done all this and yet you notice the one thing I fuck up on. I'm sorry I can't be everything to you".
I would like nothing more than to tone down the amplitude when i blow up but I just can't. I have to put my foot down and it's a big stomp not no thumper thump.

I would like to be more middle ground but am too aware of her working angles with her shit. Can't have that.

[MY DETROIT PLAYAS]

One of my goals for future LTR's is to be less reactive, and more selective to what I respond to. Every battle doesn't have to be fought; the goal is the win the war. Some shit can be deflected with an incredulous look, so my non-verbal cues are coming into play the more conscious I become of dialing back.

Many times consistency is what gains her compliance in my experience. Women have told me when they have started to verbalize or do something but then they 'heard my voice' of disproval in their heads and they "self-checked" themselves.

Like OP I have the proactive 'ounce of prevention is worth more than a pound of cure' approach when setting boundaries. Some may argue that if a girl knows your boundaries ahead of time she never tries to cross them in the first place.
#NoShittestswhenyouareAlpha

I call bullshit

[LeoneVolpe]

(01-09-2017 12:46 PM)XXL Wrote:  

I tend to be very meticulous and petty in relationship about little but inappropriate things [to me] my GF [every GF I had] says and does towards me. For example, I called her out when she started texting me some passive aggressive remarks after I didn't call her back for some time. Or when she didn't take care of her stuff out of pure laziness, losing documents, forgetting phone, and feeling OK with it. Stuff like that.

Stuff like that.

To be honest I do it out of fear of getting it out of control. You know as they say, give them a finger, they'll take the whole hand, power corrupts, etc. I've seen some examples of confident men turning into passive wimps in their relationship just because they ignored certain symptoms, allowed their women for too much and slowly but surely let their GF/wifes walk over them in the end.

The good thing was that after every thing like that she knew what she did wrong and rarely repeated it. She knew exactly what would happen when she cross the line again.

The bad thing of course was that we argued more than we should have, but who really knows what's the "good" threshold.

Do you tend to let shit slide or you stay alert calling out everything?

On one hand it can be viewed as "cool" when you don't react to bullshit cause you're above and beyond the bullshit and little things do not get to you. On the other hand man of value with self respect expects the best and does not tolerate any bullshit.

Where's the sweet spot?

Great topic for discussion, thanks for posting.

XXL, I know you and I haven't always seen eye-to-eye when discussing relationships, but I'm in agreement with you. As Robert Greene states in "The 48 Laws of Power":

Robert Greene Wrote:

“Law 28 – If you are unsure of a course of action, do not attempt it. Your doubts and hesitations will infect your execution. Timidity is dangerous: Better to enter with boldness. Any mistakes you commit through audacity are easily corrected with more audacity. Everyone admires the bold; no one honors the timid.”

If I'm going to err, I'd rather err on the side of too much boldness than too little. A girl can still respect a man who stands up for himself, but she's much more likely to disrespect a man who allows such treatment by avoiding confrontation for fear of seeming "phased" by her actions.

(01-09-2017 04:41 PM)MY DETROIT PLAYAS Wrote:  

One of my goals for future LTR's is to be less reactive, and more selective to what I respond to. Every battle doesn't have to be fought; the goal is the win the war. Some shit can be deflected with an incredulous look, so my non-verbal cues are coming into play the more conscious I become of dialing back.

Many times consistency is what gains her compliance in my experience. Women have told me when they have started to verbalize or do something but then they 'heard my voice' of disproval in their heads and they "self-checked" themselves.

Like OP I have the proactive 'ounce of prevention is worth more than a pound of cure' approach when setting boundaries. Some may argue that if a girl knows your boundaries ahead of time she never tries to cross them in the first place.
#NoShittestswhenyouareAlpha

I call bullshit

Solid post, and I agree with you as well. Not every confrontation has to be a knock-down, drag out fight. Setting up healthy boundaries is important in any relationship, but especially with women and particularly in long-term relationships. A woman's shit-tests aren't signs you're not alpha enough, they're invitations to prove how alpha you are by how you choose to handle them.

[John Michael Kane]

Here's some generic advice in how I've kept my girlfriends in line:

1. State expectations. Don't be afraid to pleasantly give her direction. "Babe, that black dress that you look fabulous in, that's what you're going to wear when we go out to dinner. Be ready at 7pm sharp, I'll be waiting to pick you up. Be punctual, I'm looking forward to it."
2. If she's doing something to annoy you, it is best to bring it up when you haven't just had a fight. The emotions are raw on most women when they have a fight, best to let her simmer down and actually listen to you when she's receptive.
3. Learn that you do things that annoy her as well. Do have you done an inventory of what pisses her off? If so, are they reasonable demands? If so, fix your own behaviors before you try to correct hers.
4. After you've fixed your own annoying behaviors, or at least toned them down, start by pointing out your own improvement and that you expect her to work on her weaknesses as well. Tell her that relationships are all about growth, personally and as a team.
5. Use a little playful sexism. Tell her that daddy or papa isn't happy when she acts up, and if she doesn't behave, she'll get a spanking. I'm not kidding. Women that are pleasant love to please you. The idea that they've fallen short makes them feel bad. A good woman will try to correct her bad behavior because she wants to remain close to you, not lose you.
6. Use positive reinforcement when she DOES THE RIGHT THING. It is far easier to complain about tacky shortcomings than giving out some well-deserved complements when she pleases you. Let her work for that praise, and then give it to her. It will make her receptive more so when you do have to correct her.
7. If you've done all of the above and she shows no sign of improvement, it is time to move on. There are sweet women out there will know how to treat a man well. If she isn't up for the task, let her go and wish her well. Find the right woman and don't waste your time on the wrong ones.

[Leonard D Neubache]

Shit tests should be regular but not to the point of perpetual annoyance. A complete lack of them probably indicates she's fucking behind your back and no longer considers you worth screening for alpha qualities (congrats, you're the beta bux now).

I find having a good physique is a real game changer here. When a strong man gets his hackles up and develops a good overall anger-flex complete with veins popping out it can really take the wind out of their argumentative sails.

After all, deep down they just want to know they're not shackled to a pussy.

[General Mayhem]

There is some good shit in here man.

(01-09-2017 08:22 PM)John Michael Kane Wrote:  

Here's some generic advice in how I've kept my girlfriends in line:

1. State expectations. Don't be afraid to pleasantly give her direction. "Babe, that black dress that you look fabulous in, that's what you're going to wear when we go out to dinner. Be ready at 7pm sharp, I'll be waiting to pick you up. Be punctual, I'm looking forward to it."
2. If she's doing something to annoy you, it is best to bring it up when you haven't just had a fight. The emotions are raw on most women when they have a fight, best to let her simmer down and actually listen to you when she's receptive.

It's all about knowing when to bring things up for maximum effect.

Quote:

3. Learn that you do things that annoy her as well. Do have you done an inventory of what pisses her off? If so, are they reasonable demands? If so, fix your own behaviors before you try to correct hers.

This one has been the toughest one for me. Some times I will do some self-examination and realize that yeah that is probably annoying. Other things I keep doing just to fuck with her.

Quote:

4. After you've fixed your own annoying behaviors, or at least toned them down, start by pointing out your own improvement and that you expect her to work on her weaknesses as well. Tell her that relationships are all about growth, personally and as a team.

When you work on self-improvement good women tend to follow suit. I don't talk about this much with my girl because she does it without having to say it.

Quote:

5. Use a little playful sexism. Tell her that daddy or papa isn't happy when she acts up, and if she doesn't behave, she'll get a spanking. I'm not kidding. Women that are pleasant love to please you. The idea that they've fallen short makes them feel bad. A good woman will try to correct her bad behavior because she wants to remain close to you, not lose you.

Humor is a powerful weapon and a good way to push their buttons when they aren't behaving.

Quote:

6. Use positive reinforcement when she DOES THE RIGHT THING. It is far easier to complain about tacky shortcomings than giving out some well-deserved complements when she pleases you. Let her work for that praise, and then give it to her. It will make her receptive more so when you do have to correct her.

Early on, being the asshole that I am I totally overlooked this. Girls really do eat up the positive reinforcement. I think it's better when given randomly though so they don't come to expect it all the time.

Quote:

7. If you've done all of the above and she shows no sign of improvement, it is time to move on. There are sweet women out there will know how to treat a man well. If she isn't up for the task, let her go and wish her well. Find the right woman and don't waste your time on the wrong ones.

One thing I will add is that you have to learn your individual women. They all react differently due to how they were raised.

If I want my girl to change something I only have to mention it once. In the beginning I used to beat up issues unnecessarily and it would backfire.

This is just an example but if I really had a thing for some certain outfit I would only need to mention that once. If I mentioned it. Then commented on other hot chick wearing it. Then kept mentioning before she had a chance to find the outfit and wear it for me my girl would get painfully insecure. But. If I just mention it once odds are she will show up wearing it at some point.

Then, the trick is to actually notice it. God forbid you have been raving about black tube tops and she shows up in one and you don't even notice. You don't have to be a beta about it. Just grab her ass and tell her she looks sexy. Make sure to fuck her good later.

Behavioral stuff is pretty much the same way. Less is more effective. Sometimes though you have to prepare for some fall out depend on what behavior you are trying to change.

Your mileage may vary.

Maybe you get a chick who needs to be told a million times.

In my experience women are extremely adaptable and will adopt your way of living if you lead them right.

[MaceTyrell]

I needed this post last year.

Thank you so much for this: I'm really happy to see RVF give advice on how to manage LTRs too. I'm not jaded enough that I believe I can fall in love with a wonderful woman, and keep the relationship manageable through an alpha frame, and the things you mentioned above.

I've been concentrating on the battles instead of the war. So, so much to learn.

[LeoneVolpe]

Do any of you guys have a preferred method of handling the "silent treatment"? Seems the best solution I've found is to play the game right back. If you try to talk to them, text/call them, whatever -- it just plays into their hand and they thrive on the power they feel when they've got you chasing them.

[heavy]

(01-09-2017 02:04 PM)PolymathGuru Wrote:  

You gotta learn how to spank that hoe!

Seriously though. I've begun thinking more and more that them misbehaving is wanting you to be a man and fuck them. Really own them.

I'm not great at it, but I'm getting better.

Sidenote what's the red organ looking butt for?

[456]

XXL -- great topic, reminds me of some questions I raised on the Father Figure Game thread.

I think after each relationship I've had, I've gotten closer to my sweet spot.

My willingness to call out BS and stay firm about my preferences is something that my girls love at first, and a positive quality overall. Have even gotten comments early on in relationships (i.e. a few days after an incident, "I love that you actually called me out on that. Thanks boo.").

However in the past I've let it slide and become too much like a grumpy manager -- maybe not micromanaging, but not picking battles wisely. It's caused resentment.

Interestingly, being on the too-critical side of the sweet spot has happened the most with girls who it turned out weren't worth it anyway. But even those relationships would have been better had I found a less reactive way, made peace with certain things, or simply left earlier.

Currently with a girl who is doing a great job and inspiring much more praise than reprimand, and I am focusing on perfecting my own sweet spot.

The key is not to let resentment (or micro-resentment) step in. When she makes an innocent error, no matter how annoying, even if it's the second time -- keep it light (as mentioned upthread) and remember this is a girl who [hopefully] loves to please you. Try not to default to critical-with-a-look-of-disgust (all too easy for me based on my own demons and negative sides).

The key is to have your reactions and non-reactions on auto-pilot, but not to let that slide into heavy negativity, which is no fun for anyone.

Edit: the spanking concept is great as it stands, but also internally, if you are keeping "sexy" in mind (i.e. with spanking), it's a nice way to crowd out the genuine anger/disgust/negativity from your mind when it's not that serious.

[XPQ22]

(01-10-2017 12:42 PM)LeoneVolpe Wrote:  

Do any of you guys have a preferred method of handling the "silent treatment"? Seems the best solution I've found is to play the game right back. If you try to talk to them, text/call them, whatever -- it just plays into their hand and they thrive on the power they feel when they've got you chasing them.

Play it right back, but not from a place of neediness/anger. Like, be "businesslike" about it - the "non-apology apology" (because in many cases of lady-drama, you didn't actually do anything objectively wrong, you just weren't able to meet her impossible I-want-it-all standards.)

"I'm sorry you're upset about that. I'll be around if you want to talk about it."

And always talk in person, not via text. If she starts sending you walls of text, just put the offer out to meet up in person. If she resists and just wants to spam you, ignore it and let her sulk.

Remember, you don't have arguments. You have discussions. Arguments are for women and betas, who don't know enough to know that you cannot win.

And in the rare case that you objectively did something wrong, hey, be a man and apologize for it. You'll sleep better at night at least. Is it beta? Yeah, probably. Oh well. Whatever "betaness" she may infer from it doesn't hold a candle to the mainstay of relationship game that will keep her coming back: she knows if she really wants out you're going to let her ass go.

Also coming from the perspective of my late 30s: I don't mean to insinuate any disparaging commentary on OP's choice of women (which I don't really know anything about), but pick smarter broads for relationships that you intend to go the distance. It's not that smarter broads necessarily have less drama-free lives than bumpkins, they usually don't, but in my experience they're less likely to have a chronic need to push it into yours.

At this point in my life I'm definitely willing to compromise a little in the looks department for a cute-enough girl-next-door who's down to give me a consistent, handcuffs and spanking, Daddy-game regular nut without constantly wanting to argue and nag and sulk and make drama over everything. That's a good description of the girl I've been at least de-facto monogamous with for several months now and I'm happy as a clam 95% of the time.

Different states of life, we value different things.

[XXL]

(01-09-2017 01:26 PM)Turnus Wrote:  

It's a fine line. If you start calling her out on every misdeed she does, she'll start to realize that is one way to get your attention or a reaction from you. From then on, she'll have control over you and you don't even realize it.

I know that it's best to use basic carrot and stick method to keep the balance. This book explains it nicely..

https://manhood101.com/principles101.pdf

[XXL]

(01-09-2017 01:35 PM)Mufasa Wrote:  

If she wants an argument give her one.

Haven't had a LTR since HS (no time) but with a girl that was the closest I've had to that she tried to make me feel bad about something so I layed into her. I actually said "you want an argument you got one." In all my dealings with women they are rarely right or they get tweeked off one thing even though theres 20 right things going on.

I'll make a point to point out how we have all these good things going on and:
"you're trying to destroy us over this?!?"

When she started to back pedal I kept the foot on the gas of guilting her on her selfishness and whatever for liking me, enjoying me, having great sex, feeling safe, and trying to destroy it all.

We never had an argument again. I shit you not.

Things have changed since high school

[XXL]

(01-09-2017 02:08 PM)Ringo Wrote:  

In all my dealings with women, including a 3 year LTR, I've had an "argument" maybe 3 times.

Maybe I should have argued more, but I just don't have it in me. While the downside is that I may lack the ups and downs of a passionate and turbulent relationship, the upside is that I'm always at a very positive balance happiness wise. Girls simply can't affect me.

A few things I can think of:

1. Filter the girls you deal with. This is obvious, but if you choose well, chances of having to keep your foot constantly on their neck is smaller.

2. Think of the things you care about. Make a mental line and let the rest slide. Some stuff is simply not worth your time. Is she wearing a shorter skirt than you'd like? As long as her ass is still being covered and/or the occasion allows it, no point in arguing. Did she drink more than she should at a party? As long as she doesn't make a fool of herself and you, just put her in a cab and call it a night. You're dealing with another human, they aren't going to be perfect all the time. Arguing over everything is petty, creates resentment, empties the point you are trying to make and takes away the joy from the moment.

3. Comment on occasion; observe at all times. I might not say anything when I see something I disapprove of, but I'm always, always paying attention to what girls are doing when they are in my presence. From there, it's either choose to say something or save it as a mental note on their misbehavior folder.

When they do something minor that I don't like and I want to correct them, I just poke fun at them and encourage them to fix the issue. "Come on now, how can you leave when the bed is made like this? I thought you said you were marriage material!"; "Did you try the pasta? You're such a passionate girl, thought there would be more spice in it, like you. Just add a little more basil and black pepper. There you go. Good girl". Keep it light. Don't even let them know you were bothered. It was just the "correct" way to do it.

"For to win one hundred victories in one hundred battles is not the acme of skill. To subdue the enemy without fighting is the acme of skill." Sun Tzu

4. If the line of the "big" issues is crossed, be ruthless. I never raise my voice or get emotional. But on the few occasions when I had to argue with my long term girl, I sat her down and talked to her a very serious tone. "Why did you do this?", "what were you thinking?", "do you realize what the consequences are?". Stare them down. You don't have to say shit - because of the fact that you rarely complain, when you do say something they know what's up.

All times I had to employ this, it worked perfectly.

I have a background in journalism so I think I'm good at getting stuff out of people. The main thing is - ask the question, listen to their reply, and when they think you are going to reply, keep staring at them. They'll keep talking, and talking, and talking. This exercise allows them to chew on whatever shit they did. If you hold frame correctly and squeeze everything they have, they break.

From then on, you explain to them that what they did was unacceptable and won't be tolerated. "Do it again and I'm gone. Do you understand?"

After she complies and hugs/kisses you, like a girl who misbehaved and asks their father for forgines, go back to whatever you were doing and leave the subject alone.

The point is to resolve the issue, don't hold carry it with you after that. (Just don't forget either, for future reference.)

They way I see it, the man is the rock. The rock is not moved by little things. It's indifferent to to what surrounds it, it's almost invulnerable. But when something big enough moves it, it hits heavy and conclusively.

That's very helpful, thank you. You became my hero after "In all my dealings with women, including a 3 year LTR, I've had an "argument" maybe 3 times" sentence.

I sometimes had 3 per week

[XXL]

(01-09-2017 04:18 PM)estraudi Wrote:  

Been calling my girl out on some stupid behavior like wasting my time and well, now that I think about it, not much else but I am very terse and can be so strict about having to lay down the law about not wasting my time. i really hate having my time wasted.

She does drop the " I've done all this and yet you notice the one thing I fuck up on. I'm sorry I can't be everything to you".
I would like nothing more than to tone down the amplitude when i blow up but I just can't. I have to put my foot down and it's a big stomp not no thumper thump.

I would like to be more middle ground but am too aware of her working angles with her shit. Can't have that.

I also had this problem where she thought that only because I called her out on something then all the positive things between us are not important anymore. I never understood it. I just wanted to clarify something she did and she blew it out of proportions discrediting everything else. This is why it made me think that maybe I was too much of pain in the ass.

[PapayaTapper]

I have always had a strong aversion to conflict / drama with girls...more so as Ive gotten older. I have very little to no tolerance for it and screen very carefully when it comes to relationship. If they dont have "the happy gene" then shes not likely going to around long enough to "misbehave" in a way that matters to me

If an LTR is developing however, early in the relationship I lay it out this way:

PT "I' ask for very little,... but I expect a lot"

Her "OK,,,but....What does that mean?"

PT "Don't disappoint me"

I leave it at that knowing I'll get several questions for further explanation which I deflect /don't answer. I'm just planting a seed that hopefully grows in her subconscious. From then on it's usually less a question of "correction of misbehavior" than a matter of "maintenance of correct behavior" A look with raised eyebrows that says "I'm disappointed" goes a long way. Very little by way dramatics necessary.

[XXL]

(01-09-2017 04:41 PM)MY DETROIT PLAYAS Wrote:  

One of my goals for future LTR's is to be less reactive, and more selective to what I respond to. Every battle doesn't have to be fought; the goal is the win the war. Some shit can be deflected with an incredulous look, so my non-verbal cues are coming into play the more conscious I become of dialing back.

That's my problem in a nutshell. I also want to ignore annoying things GFs do but I know that "what you agree to becomes the new standard". I might think that oh I'm so cool so nonreactive whereas with every little sign of disrespect that I ignore she's losing respect toward me. Then it snowballs and it's super tough to get it back.

(01-09-2017 04:41 PM)MY DETROIT PLAYAS Wrote:  

Women have told me when they have started to verbalize or do something but then they 'heard my voice' of disproval in their heads and they "self-checked" themselves.

That's the best state of mind that a woman can be in. That's the ideal to me.

[XXL]

(01-09-2017 08:12 PM)LeoneVolpe Wrote:  

If I'm going to err, I'd rather err on the side of too much boldness than too little. A girl can still respect a man who stands up for himself, but she's much more likely to disrespect a man who allows such treatment by avoiding confrontation for fear of seeming "phased" by her actions.

My question is not whether to be bold or timid when calling out a girl. The question is whether to do it or not. If yes, then when and when not to. If not then what's the consequences.

Ringo gave good answer to that.

[XXL]

(01-09-2017 08:22 PM)John Michael Kane Wrote:  

Here's some generic advice in how I've kept my girlfriends in line:

1. State expectations. Don't be afraid to pleasantly give her direction. "Babe, that black dress that you look fabulous in, that's what you're going to wear when we go out to dinner. Be ready at 7pm sharp, I'll be waiting to pick you up. Be punctual, I'm looking forward to it."
2. If she's doing something to annoy you, it is best to bring it up when you haven't just had a fight. The emotions are raw on most women when they have a fight, best to let her simmer down and actually listen to you when she's receptive.
3. Learn that you do things that annoy her as well. Do have you done an inventory of what pisses her off? If so, are they reasonable demands? If so, fix your own behaviors before you try to correct hers.
4. After you've fixed your own annoying behaviors, or at least toned them down, start by pointing out your own improvement and that you expect her to work on her weaknesses as well. Tell her that relationships are all about growth, personally and as a team.
5. Use a little playful sexism. Tell her that daddy or papa isn't happy when she acts up, and if she doesn't behave, she'll get a spanking. I'm not kidding. Women that are pleasant love to please you. The idea that they've fallen short makes them feel bad. A good woman will try to correct her bad behavior because she wants to remain close to you, not lose you.
6. Use positive reinforcement when she DOES THE RIGHT THING. It is far easier to complain about tacky shortcomings than giving out some well-deserved complements when she pleases you. Let her work for that praise, and then give it to her. It will make her receptive more so when you do have to correct her.
7. If you've done all of the above and she shows no sign of improvement, it is time to move on. There are sweet women out there will know how to treat a man well. If she isn't up for the task, let her go and wish her well. Find the right woman and don't waste your time on the wrong ones.

Makes sense. Thanks

[LeoneVolpe]

(01-10-2017 02:02 PM)XPQ22 Wrote:  

(01-10-2017 12:42 PM)LeoneVolpe Wrote:  

Do any of you guys have a preferred method of handling the "silent treatment"? Seems the best solution I've found is to play the game right back. If you try to talk to them, text/call them, whatever -- it just plays into their hand and they thrive on the power they feel when they've got you chasing them.

Play it right back, but not from a place of neediness/anger. Like, be "businesslike" about it - the "non-apology apology" (because in many cases of lady-drama, you didn't actually do anything objectively wrong, you just weren't able to meet her impossible I-want-it-all standards.)

"I'm sorry you're upset about that. I'll be around if you want to talk about it."

And always talk in person, not via text. If she starts sending you walls of text, just put the offer out to meet up in person. If she resists and just wants to spam you, ignore it and let her sulk.

Remember, you don't have arguments. You have discussions. Arguments are for women and betas, who don't know enough to know that you cannot win.

And in the rare case that you objectively did something wrong, hey, be a man and apologize for it. You'll sleep better at night at least. Is it beta? Yeah, probably. Oh well. Whatever "betaness" she may infer from it doesn't hold a candle to the mainstay of relationship game that will keep her coming back: she knows if she really wants out you're going to let her ass go.

Also coming from the perspective of my late 30s: I don't mean to insinuate any disparaging commentary on OP's choice of women (which I don't really know anything about), but pick smarter broads for relationships that you intend to go the distance. It's not that smarter broads necessarily have less drama-free lives than bumpkins, they usually don't, but in my experience they're less likely to have a chronic need to push it into yours.

At this point in my life I'm definitely willing to compromise a little in the looks department for a cute-enough girl-next-door who's down to give me a consistent, handcuffs and spanking, Daddy-game regular nut without constantly wanting to argue and nag and sulk and make drama over everything. That's a good description of the girl I've been at least de-facto monogamous with for several months now and I'm happy as a clam 95% of the time.

Different states of life, we value different things.

If I hadn't already repped you, I'd definitely have repped you for this. Thanks for your post, a lot of red pill wisdom there.