[TheDuncan]

So I met this girl through my cousin, been chilling at her place the past week and its been cool, slept in her bed a few times and felt her up , kissed and ultimately leading to me fingering her but she said she wasnt ready for sex yet.

I brushed it off and figured I'd bang eventually anyway, today I saw her and told her we are gonna sleep togethe tonight, she said no because she does not want me to expect anything and that she does not really want to be with anyone, I again brushed it off and said "yea we'll see", whats up with that?

I'll try to get the bang but I dont get why she is acting funny all a sudden, perhaps some shit test?

[kaotic]

Let's get some more details first:

How old are you and how old is this girl ?

Do you know if she's a virgin or not ?

Are you chilling at her pad because it's convenient ? Or did she invite you over ?

How many times did you sleep over ?

Why did you decide to sleep over at her house when you weren't going to bang ?

How exactly did you tell her you were going to sleep together to night ? (use the exact words)

[TheDuncan]

Im 26, she 28.

Not a virgin.

She invited me over and I have family there so I chill with them.

I slept over about 3 times.

I slept over because I have family there and I was drunk one day, I was looking for the bang.

She mentioned how she thought I was "mad" because she didnt go to the room one night (she was pissed off that day), in reality I didnt give a shit but I guess thats why she said "I dont want you to expect anything", I just wrapped by arm around her from behind and said "oh yea? We'll see"

[WestIndianArchie]

Jesus Christ, why are you guys anti game?
What did game ever do to you?

WIA

[kaotic]

She probably was a few things:

-Shy and doesn't want to fuck you when family is around.
-She's using you as a boyfriend pillow. thread-48683.html
-She's still shit testing/token resistance.

Sounds like you need to up your comfort game, instead of saying things like "Oh yeah ? We'll see" you should've dropped "It's all good, I just want you to be comfortable around me." Some more agree and amplify.

You gotta make a girl relaxed and easy going around you. She read you as pissed because she didn't put out, not good.

You struck out 3 times getting the bang. That's bad enough. Suddenly she's give you the "I don't want you to expect anything line".

Not a good sign.

-A few options trying once more and caveman game her.
-Maybe going out for drinks then going to her pad/your cousins/your place.
-Pulling back from her, give what you get.
-Go silent on her.

[DimeBait]

Maybe she's not that into you right now. Chill out, move on to something else, send her an occasional ping till she reactivates interest. YOU"RE the PRIZE that she missed out on, quit making yourself so available.

[TheDuncan]

You know sometimes I think I take the asshole game too far, she responded well at first but like you said I think I need more comfort, I just dont want to get all beta either.

When I fingered her and she said no sex she said "now youre gonna get all mad like every other guy", I said "Im not every other guy" and she just said "yea sure", all I could think of atm lol

The family thing is true, she didnt want to sleep on the couch cause she didnt want her kids to see us.

It deff sounds like she wants a fuck buddy but perhaps she is putting up resistance, I am gonna go for it tonight but after that I will just pull back for some time, she how she reacts.

What im confused about is that I can grab her ass, feel her up and she wont resist, she will text me everyday if I dont, she shows the attention, perhaps I need to build more comfort and stop with so much asshole game, thing is I am way better at being an asshole.

[Kona]

Did you meet her through your cousin because she is your cousin's sister?

In that case don't go for the bang.

It sounds like you are just her cuddle buddy.

Did you say we are going to "sleep" together tonight, or did you say "fuck" tonight?

Aloha!

[TheDuncan]

So should I try for the bang tonight or just go home later and show that I aint gonna be up her ass all the time?

[kaotic]

Nah cool off, reset the frame.

Let her chase you for a little bit, afterall you said she'll text you alot.

I wouldn't even go over to the house for a bit.

You mentioned she had kids in the house, makes sense why she wouldn't bang.

It also adds another dynamic to gaming her also.

In the meantime go chase other girls. You already invested way too much time into this girl.

[Valentine]

Plausible deniability, anti-slut defense, whatever.

Some girls would rather you don't *verbalise* sexual topics before you actually bang otherwise she'll feel like a slut.

I know, makes no sense when you've already done stuff together and you're both sexually active but there you go.

Just continue to escalate physically, isolate her and let your dick do the talking. Once you've actually fucked her then talk more about sexual topics.

[kaotic]

(05-04-2016 04:46 PM)Valentine Wrote:  

Plausible deniability, anti-slut defense, whatever.

Some girls would rather you don't *verbalise* sexual topics before you actually bang otherwise she'll feel like a slut.

I know, makes no sense when you've already done stuff together and you're both sexually active but there you go.

Just continue to escalate physically, isolate her and let your dick do the talking. Once you've actually fucked her then talk more about sexual topics.

Perfect example of not verbalizing is this post from GoldHawkStar - a classic of example of saying instead of doing:

thread-55410...pid1290719

[PapayaTapper]

I wish I could count every time I told a pre-bang chick "We're going to my place/my bed but we're just going to watch a movie / cook dinner/ sleep/snuggle/spoon so don't get any funny ideas"...and ended up ball deep in something of hers that night. Plausible deniability is just part of the tension / attraction / arousal sequence.

[TheDuncan]

Just got denied guys, asked her if we were gonna chill and she said no.

I got no choice but to next this one, like it has been said already, I aint gonna lower myself for anyone, not gonna be chasing a chick that does not want me, fuck outta here!

[Fortis]

How did you sleep in her bed three times and not fuck her? That's.....wait--what?

Not sure why you told her you were going to sleep in her bed tonight. You could just come over and escalate it in the direction without making her feel like a slut. She needs that plausible deniability.

[TheDuncan]

This is the text convo we had today.

Messages me in the morning:

Now I see how you really see me its all good, have a good day.

Me:right

Her:y tho? tell me why you think im a hoe??

Her:if I was a hoe I would be fucking people.

2hrs

Me:why are you assuming what I think?

Her:Cause the way u said it earlier it was obvious n u sure dont tell me what u think so

Me:nah

Her:nah what?

Her: you know what it doesnt matter.....(3 paragraphs about how she is tired of men treating her wrong and that its my choice if I still want to be friends even though she thought we got along etc etc)

I have not responded.

Sorry if I come off inexperienced here guys, I am still learning how to deal with different chicks, why didnt she say that from get go? Instead she makes out, lets me feel her up etc only to go through all this bull?

Not even mad just a waste of time.

[PapayaTapper]

(05-05-2016 09:03 AM)TheDuncan Wrote:  

This is the text convo we had today.

Messages me in the morning:

Now I see how you really see me its all good, have a good day.

Me:right

Her:y tho? tell me why you think im a hoe??

Her:if I was a hoe I would be fucking people.

2hrs

Me:why are you assuming what I think?

Her:Cause the way u said it earlier it was obvious n u sure dont tell me what u think so

Me:nah

Her:nah what?

Her: you know what it doesnt matter.....(3 paragraphs about how she is tired of men treating her wrong and that its my choice if I still want to be friends even though she thought we got along etc etc)

I have not responded.

Sorry if I come off inexperienced here guys, I am still learning how to deal with different chicks, why didnt she say that from get go? Instead she makes out, lets me feel her up etc only to go through all this bull?

Not even mad just a waste of time.

Learn this...Chicks will rarely "tell" you what they are thinking unless you are in a relationship (even then only part of the time).

It sounds to me like she likes you. She just threw up some anti slut defense (ASD) because you went in too direct...and vocalized your intentions

It also sounds like you aren't grasping the "plausible deniability" concept very well (which is why you went so direct). See my post above

If a chick is sleeping in your bed that means there's some level of both comfort and/or attraction. That's not enough. You have to ratchet that comfort/attraction into her arousal if you want as Borat would say.. "sexy time".

For us guys our attraction and arousal are very linear. The first leads right to the other with very little needed to make the connection

For chixesses attraction needs to be built upon in order to make what is more of a leap. It's evolution. Think about it. Sex for woman means she has to allow someone to penetrate her body.

If she's laying in your bed she's already told you she's attracted to you. This is when experience teaches you how to escalate and turn that attraction into arousal

[TheDuncan]

Ok I finally got her to spit it out, we talked yesterday and I said to her that she seems confused about what she wants, she says that she still has mixed feelings about her ex and so I asked why she kissed and slept with me if she had no intentions, she said she did not lead me on and that she likes to cuddle here and there and that she likes my friendship, I plainly told her im not one of those guys thats gonna wait around for her being her "friend".

Another thing is that I am leaving this town in about 2 months so she asked me what did I expect from someone if I am leaving.

I feel like I shouldnt have opened my mouth about anything, now I feel like it's definitely a done deal, thing is I still have to interact and be around her because she lives with family.

I really need to stop drinking and keep my mouth shut, I always tend to open my mouth when drunk and fuck shit up.

I guess my only choice here is to keep it friendly but forget about having anything, eh plenty of other girls out there, I just dont get where I screwed up with this chick, was it more my fault or hers?

[Onto]

It could just be bad timing. Maybe this girl has been pumped 'n dumped recently, or a lot over time, so she's going to make the next guy suffer for that. I'm just guessing of course.

No matter how well we try, we're still at the mercy of current circumstance and her history.

[Onto]

If you still want to bang her, then be friends with her. Do that for the first couple visits. She'll probably try to tempt you to see if you're "sincere" in your friendship. Resist the first time, but then go for it when she tempts you again.

Tell her there is nothing wrong with two people who are attracted to each other to express affection and enjoy the intimacy we are born for. Life is short, blah, blah, blah, and all the rest. Say all this while you're close to her, touching her arm, hair, etc, You know the drill.

I wouldn't say, "I'm not like the other guys". Instead I would concentrate on how it's ok to express affection through intimacy. Appeal to her inner YOLO (You only live once).

If she says, "How can you want to be with someone when you're going away soon?" Respond with something like, "How can I sit by, deny my feelings, and not act on them!!??" "How can I not want to be as close as I can possibly be to such a beautiful woman?" "I may not even be alive two months from now!" Hahaha....and all the rest of that romantic shit they love to hear.

[TheDuncan]

Its funny I was supposed to sleep over with her this week on her off day, she even mentioned it to me yesterday before all the drama happened, I bet I still could but what would it be more cuddling and kissing?

Even worth a try?

[TheDuncan]

Good advice man, I think that set me back to when in bed with her, we talked about stupid shit and I just started kissing/feeling her, I lacked the "sweet talk", should I go for that hangout this week or let things calm a bit this week?

The reason I say I screwed up yesterday was because all day I was messing around with her (poking fun, making her laugh), I was chasing her and she was blatantly rubbing her ass against me when I caught her, it was all good until I decided to drink and open my damn mouth..

[Onto]

Go for it this week. You need to ease up on the booze. It can be the #1 killer of game.

Booze is like another woman. The more you have of her, the less you'll have of any other girl.

[TheDuncan]

Thanks for the advice man, Im gonna ease up this week, keep it friendly and go for that hang out mid week, if we lay together I will do the sweet talk and go for the bang, if nothing then Im done, not wasting anymore energy on one chick.

One question though, how much do you think yesterday hurt my game? She is obviously attracted, girls dont let a guy kiss them, rub their pussy and ass if they arent attracted.

[Onto]

She's definitely attracted to you and she wants it.

It doesn't sound like you did anything too terrible. Like PapayaTapper said above, the game isn't over just because she's in the bed. Sometimes it is, but often it's not. You have to build comfort, and escalate. Then if you get resistance you need to break out the sweet-talk, re-build the comfort, then escalate. Sometimes this has to be done over and over throughout the night, much like climbing a ladder.

It takes patience, but it's also very rewarding when you've successfully navigated the entire obstacle course and make it across the finish line.