[El Chinito loco]

It's always amazing what poor judgement a lot of foreign guys have when seeking out (or falling into) LTR in southeast asia.

The uncomfortable truth is that girls that are too keen on foreigners are a red flag in of itself. Guys who ignore this fact and do mental gymnastics about it are deceiving themselves too.

The issue is that girls who are too keen on dating foreigners tend to be more hypergamous and have their own set agenda at play. I've found most girls who are really into that have a collection of poor personality traits to begin with that sometimes don't surface until you've been around them for awhile.

The Philippines is a particular harsh environment so I don't blame women for wanting to get out when they can but if she's reasonably attractive, educated, and socially not too low on the totem pole her options really aren't that bad in Philippines society. If she's still desperate to hook up with any foreigner then that's when you have to start asking yourself why..

Foreigner groupie types are good for fun times but bad for LTR even though initially they may seem alright. Most foreign men fall into LTR with this type and it's not a surprise when things go pear shaped down the road.

General rule of thumb..if she constantly bad mouths her own men, has a pattern of dating certain types of foreign men, or just hangs out in places where it's mostly party time then it's an obvious red flag. If she's not part of any type of respectable social circle and/or interacts in a exploitative fashion with friends. Big red flag.

With filipinas one major thing to look at too is the girl who constantly borrows money from her friends. How much of this type of social debt are they carrying at any given time? Are they lenders or borrowers?

Super important. The best girls i've experienced are the ones who juggle their own finances well and aren't borrowers at all. They may chip in a set amount of their salary to their parents but in no way do they ever involve you in that equation.

Also for fuck's sake you don't need to buy property or build a house for them. There are plenty of countries you can take your sweet filipina off to live also where you won't have to deal with daily family requests. Keep talk of your finances completely off the table with their relatives and friends. If the filipina you're dating has a shred of integrity she'll understand why and work for your best interests.

[Buakaw]

(04-06-2016 07:35 PM)thoughtgypsy Wrote:  

'I lIkE coOk, watch tv, umm shopping at mall hehe'.

Solid datasheet thanks man.
As a long term SE Asia resident the above sentence made me laugh and nod in agreement.

[Vacancier Permanent]

As CS wrote, when I see a post by TG on the Philippines/Filipinas, I sit down and read that post carefully. That guy is to the Philippines, what Kai is to China, that is THE king pin! I would rep you or almost every one of your posts on the Phils/Filipinas!

Should be made mandatory reading for anyone before going to the Phils. I believe his first post on this thread should be stickied in the Philippines and Living in Manila threads as well!

[Oneeyedjack]

(04-07-2016 10:26 AM)thoughtgypsy Wrote:  

Also, for anyone who thinks I'm being too critical of Filipinas, a lot of what I'm saying is confirmed by a Swiss immigrant marriage study:

I didn't think you were critical at all. It is spot-on and enjoyed it a lot.

[Dagnasty]

Outstanding post. I wish I had it when I first arrived in Manila. I learned a lot of these lessons the hard way, and even had I seen something like this during the first few red flags of my last LTR, I might even say, "She's not like that, she's different."

Fells, I'm here to say she IS like that and she's not different. These indicators are sure to result in your failure if they are ignored.

I agree with the poster who says that you should NOT begin an LTR with a Filipina until you are experienced with the way things work there (and possibly even not at all as one poster said - and just have your fun from arms length away).

Filipinas aren't evil or inferior, they have their strengths over East Asians. They're the sweetest and most affectionate women on the continent for most westerners. They're the best lovers and the easiest to relate to, nothing compares. But you damn well better know what you're getting into or you're going to be making a mistake that so many foreigners do. I'm sure they can make great wives, but the overwhelming majority of the ones we're talking about conquering online are usually the very worst choices.

Perhaps I'll write one day about my first pinay LTR, but most likely not because I've read and heard so many identical stories that she might as well be in them. ThoughtGypsy has accurately described her in his post without ever meeting her.

This can all be avoided by picking the right one. Don't get sucked in by good sex and kino. I'm guilty of it and lots of guys battle to break out of an addiction to it after they get sucked in. These girls are naturals at it.

[El Chinito loco]

The many traps could be avoided if most guys just asked this simple question everytime you start or plan to finish up with one of these girls:

Quote:

What specific value does she bring into my life?

If the answer to that question is only physical or some very superficial emotional ego based need then her value is essentially nothing or even negative. On the other hand what does she stand to gain for being with you? LTR is like business. What is the trade off there and the opportunity cost. If she stands to gain way more than you do then why are you in it? Would you willingly enter into a business proposition where you bleed money and come out as the loser?

As I said before beauty, life, and everything is cheap in southeast asia. A hot piece of ass can be substituted at any given time. We all know beauty is a rapidly depreciating asset so treat it as such.

A lot of these girls want to extract value from you and not the other way around. We bang them and whatever but many have a whole dream of having mixed babies, you taking care of their enormous clan, incredible face boost by having a "wealthy" porenor husband/boyfriend, and also taking her to places she's seen on t.v.

With the foreigner chasing set there is an air of entitlement about this sometimes too.

Merely being sweet and kind is not enough of a value addition either. Sweetness and kindess is just a good start.

She has to also have other fantastic personality attributes and an ideal extended family life situation to even be considered for LTR. Make too many exceptions to this and you will find yourself in a very uncomfortable position in the long run.

This is why filipinos marry within specific class broken down into even more specific ethnic and social boundaries most of the time. There's a good reason for all of it. There are more shared positive attributes within these social boundaries than with the general Filipino masses. Thais are very similar in some ways too.

It's just how things are.

[Onto]

(04-06-2016 08:34 PM)CleanSlate Wrote:  

Remember the girl I went to Palawan with? Well, what I didn't mention here yet was that a few months ago, she asked to borrow some money to pay for her son's tuition as he's starting school... her excuse was that she wasn't prepared for a big payment by the school's deadline.

My heart sank right there.

I really liked this girl, but this was several red flags in one. It showed that she's impulsive, doesn't plan ahead, is a poor saver, not good with money, and it's a slippery slope that many a foreigner have gone before me to their own financial and emotional peril.

Aside from modest taxi fare, I've never given money to a Pinay, but I've been asked plenty of times by girls online who I've never met and once from a girl I had already met and slept with a couple times.

I didn't have any problem saying no to those girls, but if it were someone I had spent considerable time with and genuinely cared about I may find it hard not to help her out if she needed it. Depending on the amount, reason, and if I believed her.

I'm not saying one should or shouldn't, but we have to remember that many of the girls we are dating are very, very poor and might not even want to ask for money but get pressured from their family when they find out she's dating a foreigner.

I think if we're going to be in an LTR with a Pinay that isn't well-off then we have to figure out how to navigate the fact she and her family may really need or benefit from our help and we have the means to do that easily. Maybe it's paying for the food/medicine, or whatever it is directly so you know it's going towards what it's said for. Maybe you just let it be known you never will.

I usually don't give bums on the street money, but sometimes I do. I don't have a hard and fast rule to when I do or don't. I just go with my gut.

I was still borrowing money from my parents and accepting gifts from them into my late 20's. One could say, "Well they are your family". Ok, but then what are you to your LTR and her to you?

The concept of money is usually a non-issue when dating a Western woman because she is independent, makes her own money, and doesn't need a man. However, once you marry them that financially autonomy seems to go out the window.

I guess I say all this CS, because I wouldn't feel too badly towards her or yourself. I'm sure she genuinely enjoyed being with you and hopes to again.

[chochemonger1]

(04-16-2016 06:33 PM)Onto Wrote:  

(04-06-2016 08:34 PM)CleanSlate Wrote:  

Remember the girl I went to Palawan with? Well, what I didn't mention here yet was that a few months ago, she asked to borrow some money to pay for her son's tuition as he's starting school... her excuse was that she wasn't prepared for a big payment by the school's deadline.

My heart sank right there.

I really liked this girl, but this was several red flags in one. It showed that she's impulsive, doesn't plan ahead, is a poor saver, not good with money, and it's a slippery slope that many a foreigner have gone before me to their own financial and emotional peril.

Aside from modest taxi fare, I've never given money to a Pinay, but I've been asked plenty of times by girls online who I've never met and once from a girl I had already met and slept with a couple times.

I didn't have any problem saying no to those girls, but if it were someone I had spent considerable time with and genuinely cared about I may find it hard not to help her out if she needed it. Depending on the amount, reason, and if I believed her.

I'm not saying one should or shouldn't, but we have to remember that many of the girls we are dating are very, very poor and might not even want to ask for money but get pressured from their family when they find out she's dating a foreigner.

I think if we're going to be in an LTR with a Pinay that isn't well-off then we have to figure out how to navigate the fact she and her family may really need or benefit from our help and we have the means to do that easily. Maybe it's paying for the food/medicine, or whatever it is directly so you know it's going towards what it's said for. Maybe you just let it be known you never will.

I usually don't give bums on the street money, but sometimes I do. I don't have a hard and fast rule to when I do or don't. I just go with my gut.

I was still borrowing money from my parents and accepting gifts from them into my late 20's. One could say, "Well they are your family". Ok, but then what are you to your LTR and her to you?

The concept of money is usually a non-issue when dating a Western woman because she is independent, makes her own money, and doesn't need a man. However, once you marry them that financially autonomy seems to go out the window.

I guess I say all this CS, because I wouldn't feel too badly towards her or yourself. I'm sure she genuinely enjoyed being with you and hopes to again.

Money to a woman is a road to perdition.....but yes taxis and drinks of course

[Poker]

I'm off to the Philippines tomorrow for the first time, I only discovered this thread an hour ago, and what timing. Thoughtgypsy, the knowledge and wisdom that flow from your posts are greatly appreciated. Even though I have no desire for anything long term while in the Philippines there is still a lot of fantastic advice weaved into your posts that can can greatly help a gentlemen seeking more short term relations. The same applies to the responses.

[GoodKindMan]

I'd like to share my thoughts with you because you are expert guys about Philippies. I have just come back at home after 20 days in Manila. You want to know if I enjoyed my days in Makati? Yes and not. Why? I don't like pro or freelancers at all but I like regular girls only. I'm old but goodlooking. It was very easy to find regular girls in Manila but I chose to go on talking only with 2 girls of Mindanao before my arriving in Manila. I talked with many girls but I met only those 2 girls, they were the best girls among many girls. I talked with them online for much time, then I met them. In my opinion a lot of Manila girls are not beautiful and sweet like them, I like only Visayas girls, they are more beautiful and sweet. In 20 days I fucked 2 Mindanao girls only, living in Manila for some months and I get two wonderful girlfriend experiences with them. Each girl They lived with me in my condo for 10 days. Yes, they were the best experiences in my life but not for sex. They were so sweet and they often wanted kiss me passionately and to fuck with me always, all the time and they always were so wet in their pussies. I was on the bed with them for many hours every day to fuck them but sex was so poor. I like more the 27 years old girl with 2 sons in Mindanao. She was in Manila for 2 months to get a passport to work in Hong Kong. Her sister now is working in Hong Kong. That girl was shy and when I told her to remove her shyness, it was impossibile even after 10 days. She was so shy when I looked at her. She even did not like to take a shower together. If I looked at her ass she covered it. Even I never have seen her ass if it were beautiful or not. It can be incredible, I don't know if her ass was a beautiful ass but she loved a lot to fuck with me and she get many orgasms with me. My question: I'd like to reach Philippines again to meet that wonderful girl but if I will get the same sex I will not go there anymore. I repeat, I think she is a regualr girl, I don't like Manila girls but only Viasyas girls, especially Mindanao girls. When I left her I gave her 20,000 pesos. Now she always write me on Facebook even if I told her I don't want to talk with her anymore for a little time. I told her it is sad to talk with her if I cannot meet her again for many months. I can tavel once time only every year. But she every day write telling me good morning and good night. It seems she fell in love for me. When I was with her she did not talk about her sons but now sometime she talk about her sons. What is your thought? Will I be able to get her less shy if I will meet her again? If shw will lose her shyness I'd like to meet her again. Thanks for your suggestions.

[Dusty]

^^^^

Paragraph breaks my friend, do you use them?

[GoodKindMan]

(06-18-2016 03:13 PM)Dusty Wrote:  

Paragraph breaks my friend, do you use them?

Maybe. But I like her. I like to get a good girlfriend esperience with her but nothing serious.

[chicane]

Interesting. I had no idea that the average IQ was so low. I'm a Mensa member and dealing with people of average IQ can get tedious in the long run. An IQ 20 points lower is fine to be around in any sort of long term relationship, but much lower than that would drive me nuts. Given how much lower the average IQ is there, even 2 SD above that average is not that smart.

[Sp5]

I was lucky. I met a girl in Manila who tested at 123.

[Rawmeo]

I've been a couple of days there and got 2 notches, however I wasn't interested in getting a LTR due to it being a poor country. Both notches were single moms.

I've had the chance to talk with a couple of foreigners who were staying there long term, and they all agreed that the first question you should ask when meeting a girl is "Do you have a child?" so you can disqualify them right at the start. Probably the highest rate of singlemomism in Asia.

I've found the country to be too poor, with beggars everywhere, Americanized culture, and no viable way to move around Manila except being stuck in traffic. It sure has beautiful beaches, but it doesn't make up for the rest of the red flags.