After my first trip to the Philippines, I kept in touch with half of the girls I’d banged. One of them in particular got in pretty deep with me. I figured I’d take her with me to Palawan for a few days next time I came to the Philippines. She’s 25, employed, sweet, sexy, and has average intelligence. I strongly care about her.
Originally I planned to split my time 50/50 between Manila and Palawan on the week of my birthday. Spend a few days in beautiful El Nido with a horny filipina, and then bang some more filipinas in Manila. But I had unknowingly booked my flights during the week of the APEC, which would pose problems with my flight schedule.
The Philippine government took very drastic steps to prepare for the APEC, including forcing the airlines to cancel almost a thousand flights during the week of the APEC. Because of the Philippines’ extreme overreaction and poor planning, I had to rebook my flights. I’d be spending a full week in El Nido and only one full calendar day in Manila. So this trip turned out very different than what I originally planned. It would not be like my first bang mission. But, as it turned out, this was not a bad thing.
In fact, it was an even richer experience than I had bargained for.
When I arrived in Manila, I did not bother with the taxis at the airport. Thanks to kaeru’s suggestion, I went upstairs to the departures area and booked an uber. Piece of cake. After checking into my airbnb place, I wanted to go day gaming in Greenbelt park, but my body said no. I laid on the bed for a 20 minute nap, and ended up sleeping almost 5 hours.
Then my pinay came over from work. We showed each other exactly how much we missed each other. I ended up with a bitten lip, red scratch marks all over my back and chest, and torn underwear.
We explored Greenbelt park. Saw plenty of foreigners out with their pinays. They were handsome and well dressed, both young and old. It’s not just fat losers anymore. The girls they were with… slim, feminine, and fuckable… for the most part. As far as eye contact, I was still getting looks (my filipina didn’t like that, of course). That hasn’t changed much.
I cannot definitively say whether it’s gotten harder than the last time I was there. I can confidently say that it is not any easier, however. I don’t think it’s changed that much because Manila is a city of 15+ million people with young ones constantly replenishing the supply.
The next day we went to SM Mall of Asia for some cultural festivities. We then went to La Fiesta, an all you can eat Filipino buffet. My pinay had made reservations at the place. To my utter shock, a large group of filipino and filipina staff workers, including the head cook who made the cake, came and sang happy birthday to me. Instead of just standing there, they danced and sang very loudly. They really put their heart and feeling into it. All eyes in the place was on me, and half of them were clapping and singing along. After the song, we all posed together for a picture. Filipinos are so enthusiastic and lively. I think I was blushing. My filipina planned the whole thing as a surprise.
El Nido, Palawan
One word... EPIC
Rather than plastering this thread with my own photos, I’ll just link Scott Free’s thread here for the visuals. He was the one who convinced me to add El Nido to my bucket list.
thread-32654.html
My filipina and I flew to Puerto Princesa airport. From there, we took a 5 hour van ride to El Nido. It is that remote. She wore a black tank top and retro jean shorts (I find those sexy for some reason).
When we arrived, the scenery was breathtaking. Lush mountains, towering cliffs, and islands of all shapes against a backdrop of a setting sun painting the skies with rich hues of pink and orange. The seas reflected a mirror image of the entire scenery.
The water, gently lapping on white sand beaches, was warmly inviting with shades ranging from emerald green to deep azure. The air was pristine. You could almost feel the refreshingly clean air scouring out the shit Manila exhaust from your lung sacs.
The Town & The Tours
When you go to El Nido, you want to do at least 2 or 3 boat tours, of which there is a selection of four: A, B, C, and D. Each tour lasted about 7 hours. We did the first three in our first three days, and tour C was indisputably our favorite. Tour A was a clear second. That doesn’t take anything away from tour B, which was quite enjoyable as well.
To begin each boat tour, you wade through the town’s beach to the boat with the tour guide. Usually about 5-10 other people join in on the same boat. They take the boat to about 5 or 6 stops, including awe inspiring cathedral caves, white sand beaches, hill and cliff climbs, snorkeling spots, hidden beaches you can only access by swimming under a cave or walking across slippery and sharp coral reefs.
Between each stop, you just admire the steep mountains and cliffs, obviously shaped by volcanic activity, poking out of the seas. We enjoyed the salty breeze and sea spray as the boat motored its way through the light chop.
On the boat ride, we chatted and befriended other boat tourists, including a filipino family of three and two middle aged Korean guys. We’d eventually have dinner with them in town one night, where I learned a lot about Filipino culture. We also saw a few older foreigner-younger filipina couples roaming about town… good for them.
Lunch was included on the tours. We ate wild caught fish, pork, and chicken grilled right on the boat, drizzled with soy sauce spiked with chili pepper and lime juice, with a side of fresh veggies and a big dollop of rice. Washed it all down with ripe mangoes and watermelon. So juicy it dribbled down my chin on each bite. Authentic filipino style.
Back in the town, we’d eat dinner along with other tourists. At first glance, El Nido seemed to be crawling with hundreds of tourists. But after a day or so, you start running into the same people. It’s a very small town after all.
What struck me was how many Australians were there. Maybe it’s that time of year - summer is starting for Australia. Aussies dominated the tourist demographic. A few Russians, Europeans, and Koreans were also in the mix.
What further threw me was how the Aussies gave my pinay and I very nasty looks. When we entered a restaurant on the first night, the guys were looking at me with a mix of jealousy and scolding judgement. It was almost as if a non-asian guy being with an asian chick was taboo, and I was breaking that “unwritten rule” on their “turf”. The girls they were with - so beastly I initially thought they were male - threw daggers at my pinay with their eyes. I’ve never seen such thinly veiled hatred from women who feel threatened by another woman higher than their own sexual market value. It made my pinay feel very uncomfortable.
After this I made it a point to go to less busy restaurants avoiding the Aussies as much as possible. No offense to the Aussies here on this forum, but they weren’t exactly the most welcoming bunch in El Nido.
Plus, not one single Aussie dude was with a filipina. They always seemed to be with nasty he-females, presumably from Australia, New Zealand, or England. Didn’t Vincent Vinturi recently start a thread on this?
Anyway, I didn’t really care. They can have their own he-females while I enjoy the company of a beautiful feminine Asian woman.
The Birthday Gift
After dinner on the first night, my filipina said she wanted to give me a surprise for my birthday.
OK!
When we showered, she got out first and told me to keep showering for a few minutes more. When I was done, I approached the bed, naked, with her dark eyes following me. She was hidden under the covers.
“Take the blanket off me for your birthday gift.”
I took the blanket off her. My jaw dropped.
She was wearing red lingerie, a lacy purple thong, and black fishnet tights strapped onto her lingerie.
“Happy birthday, gwapo…”
My penis rose to the occasion… from a flaccid 6 o’clock to a raging 12 o’clock hard-on in about 10 seconds.
She gave me a full body rub using massage oil as I laid on my stomach. She lightly teased my balls with her oily fingers. Then she flipped me onto my back, blindfolded me, and tied my hands together, saying “relax, I’ll do everything” as she bit my lip.
She did not leave one square inch of my entire body unattended. I was growling with feral desire as she took me inside her, with all the lingerie and tights on. Just had to move her thong aside. Using every woman-on-top position she could think of, she rode me like a feral tiger. Cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, side cowgirl, 69, you name it.
In the midst of it all, I realized that, knowing the exact time I was born and taking into account the time difference, the very minute I turned 36, my cock was balls deep inside a horny filipina decked out with fishnet tights and hot red lingerie.
Best. Birthday. Ever.
Had I died the minute I came, it would have been the perfect way to go.
The Mishaps
Now, before you start thinking my entire trip went swimmingly smooth, I’ll say that there were quite a few incidents that could potentially have ruined the trip.
My filipina scraped her knee while walking the sharp corals on one of the tours. There were waves and it was hard to maintain balance as the rocks were slippery. It was a pretty deep scrape. When it happened, she was right behind me and she fell on my leg, so I nearly lost my balance. I asked if she was ok as I helped her up, she said “yes I’m fine”. But I see her knee bleeding, so I say “do you need to get out of the water?” We get out, and it’s bleeding even more, blood running down her leg. I grab the tour guide and explained to him what happened and asked if he had a first aid kit.
Luckily he had an antiseptic on the boat. We cleaned the scrape. But we still had several stops left on the tour, which meant we would have to go in the water again. I started worrying about her knee getting infected, so when we got back to the town, I asked my airbnb host’s manager for their first aid kit. All this while, my pinay never complained. Not even once. She was a huge sport, braving her way through it with a smile on her face. She kept saying “I’m fine don’t worry.” She still was diligent about keeping her wound clean, changing the band-aid every day, as infection remained a risk until it fully healed and scabbed over.
Later in the week, she dropped her phone in the water and it got damaged. More on that later in this post, as it happened towards the end of the trip.
Another incident, which might be entertaining for you to read… IF you’re not squeamish. Hopefully you aren’t eating right now.
Third World Traveler Achievement Unlocked: The Squat
Jet lag after a long hauler has an annoying tendency to make me constipated. I hadn’t taken a shit in almost 3 days by the third day of the trip. Plus the different set of microbes native to half a world away from what my gut flora is accustomed to helped set off a full scale digestive revolt.
It was Tour B that day, I think.
The first half of Tour B went without a problem, aside from a slightly queasy feeling in my stomach. Then lunch came. We had crab that day. The snow white meat that magically appears as you break the shells and compartments with your bare hands was so delicious. I probably ate too much rice along with the crab meat. About ten minutes after finishing lunch, I realized I made a big mistake - overeating on a boat tour.
That was when I knew I was in big trouble.
Over the next couple of hours, my stomach alternated between feeling like I’d digested a lead bar, and making loud explosive noises as if cherry bombs were going off in a hydrochloric acid solution. The boat gyrating up and down across choppy waters only aggravated the unpleasant activity down there.
My filipina must have noticed my facial expressions channeling my stomach discontent. She was asking “are you okay?” every five minutes.
On tour B’s last stop, I started getting gassy. Very bad sign.
But I didn’t want to embarrass myself, so I stayed downwind of everyone else. My violent farts would go off harmlessly into the wind behind the group.
We were returning to the boat when I ask the tour guide how long it’d take us to get back to town. He said it’d take 30 minutes.
THIRTY minutes!
I did not have 30 minutes.
What I did have was a ticking time bomb in my digestive system… ready to go off at any moment.
I told the guide I needed to go to the bathroom - and soon. Like NOW.
“But there’s no toilet around here. Only at the town.”
“Well I’ll go behind a tree. I don’t care,” I blurted out without thinking.
The guide laughed. The other tourists on our boat were trying not to laugh. My girl looked concerned.
The guide tells everyone to take an extra 20 minutes and we all get on the island again.
I scurry up the beach to the palm trees. I search for a good “private” spot.
This tree here? No, people can see me.
How about that one over there? Ok that’s better.
I drop my swim trunks and lower myself into a squatting position.
Is this how it’s done? I don’t know. Maybe nature will just take care of itself, regardless of squatting technique.
But wait. There are ants… crawling everywhere! They look a little sinister and agitated.
With my trunks around my ankles, I waddled over to another tree, and squatted again.
Okay it’s coming. It’s about to happen. Yes, come on, get this over with!
Suddenly two dudes come walking into my direct line of sight about 50 meters away. My sphincter involuntarily tightens.
Damn it!
Still in a squatted position, I frog-hop around the tree to remove myself from the two guys’ field of vision.
Ok, now no one can see me. But I still can’t relax. I keep looking around.
Come on! Just get it done. Do it for bragging rights and a good story to tell.
Almost there, but not quite. Still can’t quite relax fully.
Time to try some zen… here I am, squatted with my bare ass inches above the sand, muttering “I don’t give a fuck… I don’t give a fuck…”
Eventually, nature always trumps comfort. I FINALLY drop the payload.
I let out a moan, not unlike when I come during sex. When I was done, I get up.
Of course I look at what I’d just dropped. “Damn…”
Perversely, I could not help but stare at it for a good minute.
I went into the water and rinsed off. Returned to my boat and my girl asked “feel better?” as she gave me a hand sanitizer.
“So much better…”
But… as soon as the boat started bobbing up and down across the waves, I feel a slight burble deep in my belly.
What? Nah… it’s probably nothing.
Three more burbles.
Oh shit.
The burbles became more insistent by the minute.
I had to start practicing some major jedi mind tricks to control my bodily functions as we approached the town beach.
Breathe in… breathe out… no sudden movements… hold it… hold it real tight… just right down the home stretch… you can make it… just hold it together baby… breathe...
I mentally marked my target: a functional toilet at Art Cafe. As we reached the shore, I politely excused myself to the other passenger about to step down the boat ladder.
“I need to use the bathroom real soon, may I go first please?”
Without waiting for their response, I waddled down the ladder, scurried up the shore, and made a beeline to Art Cafe. Flew up the stairs.
Filipina hostess: “Hello sir, how many for a table?”
“Bathroom real quick, excuse me,” I said breathlessly as I held up one finger.
No time left… thank god the toilet was unoccupied. It’s coming now!
With my uncontrollable sense of urgency, I unintentionally slammed the door a little too loud. I push my trunks down. The rip-roaring runs started the second my butt landed on the toilet seat.
Then I sat for a minute more just to make sure there was no unfinished business.
Confident that it was all over and done with, I congratulated myself for the Third World Traveler Achievement of Squatting in the absence of any semblance of a toilet for miles in any direction, along with herculean control over my bodily functions just to maintain my dignity.
The last incident, a flight cancellation that forced me to rearrange all my flight and airbnb bookings and miss two more days of work, would come at the end of this El Nido trip. More on that in a bit.
Zipline, The Falls, and The Beach
The second to last day, we went ziplining. Had to hike up a mountain with a guide to get there. After the zipline, we watched the sunset at Las Cabanas. Food was expensive but good. Dinner involved a bonfire with pork and seafood grilling. Sunset was a bit disappointing as high clouds left over from distant thunderstorms blew in overhead. Did get a couple of nice shots whenever the sun shone through the crud. But after the sun went down, the skies cleared up and we saw thousands of stars. We could even see a hint of the Milky Way... I’ll take that.
On our last full day, we went to the Bulalacao Falls. It, again, involved quite the 45 minute hike halfway up a mountain… navigating through creeks, streams, slippery rocks, boulders, and steep climbs. While it was an easy stroll in the park to our 50 year old filipino tour guide, it was an endurance workout for me. My filipina didn’t seem to be exerting much effort, though.
Our reward came when we arrived at the waterfall with a little pool. The water was surprisingly cold, but very refreshing. We, along with a few other tourists, swam in and around the waterfall, taking photos.
I even met one bearded guy from Texas, and he was with a nice looking filipina. They had met on FC a few months ago! Talk about a little unspoken camaraderie.
After the falls, we went to Nacpan Beach. We ordered fish and crab at the beach restaurant, and drank Mango Rhum. That Mango Rhum - oh man, I’ve never had anything like this. It’s a fresh mango shake, with Bacardi Mango Fusion rum mixed in. May I have another one, pretty please??
The crab. It was huge and meaty. Unlike Western restaurants, they didn’t give a crab shell cracker. I had to crack everything with my bare hands. It was… primal. Now I can’t go back to a shell cracker without feeling like a sissy.
The beach itself was among the most beautiful and cleanest beaches I’ve ever seen. Pure unadulterated white sands and crystal clear water with small breaking waves to goof around in. A must visit if you ever go to El Nido.
One problem was that my filipina got her phone wet and it wouldn’t turn on. I tried to help by letting the phone sit in the sun to get it to dry out. Told her we’ll put it in a bowl of dry rice overnight, and hope it turns on the following day. Again, she didn’t bitch or complain… but she was a bit morose. Not because she needed to use facebook, but because of all the pictures we’d taken on her phone. I hope she’ll be able to recover the photos at a phone shop in Manila...
Travel Woes
We both were sad to leave El Nido. It was one for the ages. A once in a lifetime event for both of us.
We got to the PPS airport and waited for the call to board our flight. Time ticked past our scheduled departure. Still waiting. Finally, they announced the flight was delayed by about two hours. So we waited two more hours. Still no boarding call. No announcement. We waited another hour. By this time we’d been sitting there for nearly five hours.
Another announcement came saying the flight had been cancelled. No reason given. Passengers grumbled. Few men went up and demanded an explanation. Another announcement explained the cancellation was due to high winds and the pilot of the incoming plane was unable to land. We, along with everyone else, went back to the check-in counter to rebook our flights. The line to rebook was at least two hours long. I began worrying that I might miss my return flight to the US if I get rebooked for a Manila-bound flight scheduled later than my flight to the US.
Indeed, the young filipina agent at the desk said the earliest flight we could rebook was the following morning at 11 am. I told her that it would cause me to miss my flight home, and asked if there was an earlier flight. Said it was full. With rising frustration, I asked if she could transfer me to a different airline with an earlier flight. She gave me a stock company-line response: “Cebu Pacific is not responsible for connecting flights with different airlines at any of our destinations.”
It took every bit of self control not to go off on a full blown meltdown.
I told her: “Look here, miss. I originally scheduled my return flight on the 19th, three full days before my flight back to the US. Then your airline cancelled that flight, forcing me to rebook for this flight tonight. Now this flight is cancelled again, no fault of my own, and now I’m going to miss my flight tomorrow morning. I have to rebook it. Except I can’t do it because I can’t hear on the phone and I can’t do it online. My girlfriend’s phone doesn’t work. I expect in a situation like this, you’ve got to do something to help me, don’t you think?”
I probably said this a little too loudly. But the girl dropped the official-company-line act, and said “let me talk to my manager, be right back.”
I was steaming. Blood pressure through the roof. My girl was rubbing my back reassuringly.
The agent conferred with the manager, and came back. “I understand your situation and I’m sorry about that. There’s not much I can do, but I can loan you my personal phone so your girlfriend can call the EVA airlines to help you rebook. Shall we go ahead and rebook this flight to Manila for 11 am tomorrow?”
We agreed to this, got rebooked, and my pinay took the agent’s phone and called Orbitz for me. I passed my information to her and she relayed it to Orbitz customer service. Again, she not once complained about it. She was more than willing to help, and I was very appreciative of this. We were able to rebook my return flight back to the US two days later than originally scheduled.
In total, we both spent about 9 hours at the airport. Nine hours!
I mean, I love the Philippines, but their inefficiency and the “whatever” attitude sometimes grates on me. If you’re from the first world where all the trains run on time, it will test your patience.
After rebooking my flight home, I rebooked my airbnb stays as well. I looked for a hotel online to stay overnight in PPS. Turned out there was a nice first world hotel within walking distance to the airport. We walked there and I asked if they had a room available. They did, and we got a very nice room for only $40. Clean, presentable, and spotless. A toilet that can actually handle toilet paper! A hot shower with powerful water pressure. Complimentary breakfast.
This room would have cost at least $150 in the US. Maybe more.
The nightmare was over. We freshened up. We fornicated our frustrations away. We went to sleep in each other’s arms. Deep restful sleep. Flight the following morning went without a hitch.
On the plane, my pinay joked, “you’re stuck with me for two more days haha.” I think she has that “happy gene” some of us talk about. I mean, she had a lot she could bitch and moan about. The knee scrape. Her water damaged phone. No pictures.
But she didn’t. She kept a sunny disposition throughout the whole trip. I don’t know if I’ve ever dated a Western girl like this. Maybe she’d been through some true hardship that this stuff just rolls off her back. Either way, it has made an impression on me, possibly further raising the bar on women I’d consider having an LTR with. We’ll continue to keep in touch and I’ll probably see her when I’m back in the Philippines in 2016.
Back in Manila
I stayed in a different place in Makati, right near the Ayala triangle park. This residence building was very anal about who gets in the building and any visitors have to sign in and drop off their ID. They cannot collect their ID and leave unless I give the lobby guard my approval. Not exactly ideal, nor discreet, for bang missions or retaining different plates. The building I stayed in the Fort for my bang mission 6 months ago didn’t really care, aside from a front desk woman who gave me looks of contempt for bringing so many different filipinas up to my room.
The Ayala triangle park is a great place for day game.
After having a few beers with Beyond Borders (hats off to him... the guy is for real and you definitely should meet him when you have the chance), I met a girl while walking back to my place. Sidled up next to her and just a little ahead…
“Hey, is this the right way to Ayala park?”
“Yes right this way”
“Perfect, just making sure! I’m not from around here so I want to make sure I don’t get lost…”
“Where are you from?”
“I’m from the US”
“Oh really what are you doing here?”
“I’m on business, I have an energy company and I’m looking for some office space here… you think Makati is a good place?” (making things up as I go along)
“Oh yes it’s where a lot of businesses are, I work in Makati”
“What do you do for work?”
…. From there we find things in common, we do similar work, and we chat more blah blah blah… and got her #.
Classic Giovonny.
Oh yeah, and when I do day game in the Philippines, I almost always do indirect. Only exception is when I just hand out my name and phone number, and walk away. They get very shy when you first talk to them, so direct game won’t work.
The next day, while my girl was at work, I did some more day game (with little success) and spammed my tinder pipeline. I had about 20 matches without really trying. Only two came through, as most were working or just didn’t match up with my limited time. The first one was so shy I couldn’t open her up, so I told her that I needed a nap and let her go. Then I tried another girl, a 6, and she came straight up to my room. Some token LMR.
Then my pinay came over in the evening after work for some more sex. We’d banged an average of 3 times a day the entire trip. Sometimes I had to fake an orgasm just to give myself a break. She made me promise to come back… I’m thinking I’ll take her to Baguio and the Hundred Islands next time. Perhaps even meet her family.
She does have a lot of feminine qualities. She did my laundry and folded my clothes. She helped get me out of a tight spot by calling to rebook my international flight home.
The only two doubts I have are that she already has a 4 year old kid (she at least didn’t hide this fact when we first skyped), and our conversations haven’t been intellectually stimulating. It’s mostly inane banter and laughing for no reason (not that there’s anything wrong with that, in and of itself). It’s quite possible that I might get bored with her after a while.
When considering a choice between masculine women who are intellectually stimulating, and feminine women of average intelligence (or slightly below), I think perhaps I should get over my need for intellectual stimulation or begin to expect it from a different source.
I think the saying goes, “smart, sexy, and sweet… pick only two” or something like that.
I learned a lot about filipinos, their culture, and had rewarding travel experiences that were otherwise not attainable on bang missions...
… and that includes The Squat.
Originally I planned to split my time 50/50 between Manila and Palawan on the week of my birthday. Spend a few days in beautiful El Nido with a horny filipina, and then bang some more filipinas in Manila. But I had unknowingly booked my flights during the week of the APEC, which would pose problems with my flight schedule.
The Philippine government took very drastic steps to prepare for the APEC, including forcing the airlines to cancel almost a thousand flights during the week of the APEC. Because of the Philippines’ extreme overreaction and poor planning, I had to rebook my flights. I’d be spending a full week in El Nido and only one full calendar day in Manila. So this trip turned out very different than what I originally planned. It would not be like my first bang mission. But, as it turned out, this was not a bad thing.
In fact, it was an even richer experience than I had bargained for.
When I arrived in Manila, I did not bother with the taxis at the airport. Thanks to kaeru’s suggestion, I went upstairs to the departures area and booked an uber. Piece of cake. After checking into my airbnb place, I wanted to go day gaming in Greenbelt park, but my body said no. I laid on the bed for a 20 minute nap, and ended up sleeping almost 5 hours.
Then my pinay came over from work. We showed each other exactly how much we missed each other. I ended up with a bitten lip, red scratch marks all over my back and chest, and torn underwear.
We explored Greenbelt park. Saw plenty of foreigners out with their pinays. They were handsome and well dressed, both young and old. It’s not just fat losers anymore. The girls they were with… slim, feminine, and fuckable… for the most part. As far as eye contact, I was still getting looks (my filipina didn’t like that, of course). That hasn’t changed much.
I cannot definitively say whether it’s gotten harder than the last time I was there. I can confidently say that it is not any easier, however. I don’t think it’s changed that much because Manila is a city of 15+ million people with young ones constantly replenishing the supply.
The next day we went to SM Mall of Asia for some cultural festivities. We then went to La Fiesta, an all you can eat Filipino buffet. My pinay had made reservations at the place. To my utter shock, a large group of filipino and filipina staff workers, including the head cook who made the cake, came and sang happy birthday to me. Instead of just standing there, they danced and sang very loudly. They really put their heart and feeling into it. All eyes in the place was on me, and half of them were clapping and singing along. After the song, we all posed together for a picture. Filipinos are so enthusiastic and lively. I think I was blushing. My filipina planned the whole thing as a surprise.
El Nido, Palawan
One word... EPIC
Rather than plastering this thread with my own photos, I’ll just link Scott Free’s thread here for the visuals. He was the one who convinced me to add El Nido to my bucket list.
thread-32654.html
My filipina and I flew to Puerto Princesa airport. From there, we took a 5 hour van ride to El Nido. It is that remote. She wore a black tank top and retro jean shorts (I find those sexy for some reason).
When we arrived, the scenery was breathtaking. Lush mountains, towering cliffs, and islands of all shapes against a backdrop of a setting sun painting the skies with rich hues of pink and orange. The seas reflected a mirror image of the entire scenery.
The water, gently lapping on white sand beaches, was warmly inviting with shades ranging from emerald green to deep azure. The air was pristine. You could almost feel the refreshingly clean air scouring out the shit Manila exhaust from your lung sacs.
The Town & The Tours
When you go to El Nido, you want to do at least 2 or 3 boat tours, of which there is a selection of four: A, B, C, and D. Each tour lasted about 7 hours. We did the first three in our first three days, and tour C was indisputably our favorite. Tour A was a clear second. That doesn’t take anything away from tour B, which was quite enjoyable as well.
To begin each boat tour, you wade through the town’s beach to the boat with the tour guide. Usually about 5-10 other people join in on the same boat. They take the boat to about 5 or 6 stops, including awe inspiring cathedral caves, white sand beaches, hill and cliff climbs, snorkeling spots, hidden beaches you can only access by swimming under a cave or walking across slippery and sharp coral reefs.
Between each stop, you just admire the steep mountains and cliffs, obviously shaped by volcanic activity, poking out of the seas. We enjoyed the salty breeze and sea spray as the boat motored its way through the light chop.
On the boat ride, we chatted and befriended other boat tourists, including a filipino family of three and two middle aged Korean guys. We’d eventually have dinner with them in town one night, where I learned a lot about Filipino culture. We also saw a few older foreigner-younger filipina couples roaming about town… good for them.
Lunch was included on the tours. We ate wild caught fish, pork, and chicken grilled right on the boat, drizzled with soy sauce spiked with chili pepper and lime juice, with a side of fresh veggies and a big dollop of rice. Washed it all down with ripe mangoes and watermelon. So juicy it dribbled down my chin on each bite. Authentic filipino style.
Back in the town, we’d eat dinner along with other tourists. At first glance, El Nido seemed to be crawling with hundreds of tourists. But after a day or so, you start running into the same people. It’s a very small town after all.
What struck me was how many Australians were there. Maybe it’s that time of year - summer is starting for Australia. Aussies dominated the tourist demographic. A few Russians, Europeans, and Koreans were also in the mix.
What further threw me was how the Aussies gave my pinay and I very nasty looks. When we entered a restaurant on the first night, the guys were looking at me with a mix of jealousy and scolding judgement. It was almost as if a non-asian guy being with an asian chick was taboo, and I was breaking that “unwritten rule” on their “turf”. The girls they were with - so beastly I initially thought they were male - threw daggers at my pinay with their eyes. I’ve never seen such thinly veiled hatred from women who feel threatened by another woman higher than their own sexual market value. It made my pinay feel very uncomfortable.
After this I made it a point to go to less busy restaurants avoiding the Aussies as much as possible. No offense to the Aussies here on this forum, but they weren’t exactly the most welcoming bunch in El Nido.
Plus, not one single Aussie dude was with a filipina. They always seemed to be with nasty he-females, presumably from Australia, New Zealand, or England. Didn’t Vincent Vinturi recently start a thread on this?
Anyway, I didn’t really care. They can have their own he-females while I enjoy the company of a beautiful feminine Asian woman.
The Birthday Gift
After dinner on the first night, my filipina said she wanted to give me a surprise for my birthday.
OK!
When we showered, she got out first and told me to keep showering for a few minutes more. When I was done, I approached the bed, naked, with her dark eyes following me. She was hidden under the covers.
“Take the blanket off me for your birthday gift.”
I took the blanket off her. My jaw dropped.
She was wearing red lingerie, a lacy purple thong, and black fishnet tights strapped onto her lingerie.
“Happy birthday, gwapo…”
My penis rose to the occasion… from a flaccid 6 o’clock to a raging 12 o’clock hard-on in about 10 seconds.
She gave me a full body rub using massage oil as I laid on my stomach. She lightly teased my balls with her oily fingers. Then she flipped me onto my back, blindfolded me, and tied my hands together, saying “relax, I’ll do everything” as she bit my lip.
She did not leave one square inch of my entire body unattended. I was growling with feral desire as she took me inside her, with all the lingerie and tights on. Just had to move her thong aside. Using every woman-on-top position she could think of, she rode me like a feral tiger. Cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, side cowgirl, 69, you name it.
In the midst of it all, I realized that, knowing the exact time I was born and taking into account the time difference, the very minute I turned 36, my cock was balls deep inside a horny filipina decked out with fishnet tights and hot red lingerie.
Best. Birthday. Ever.
Had I died the minute I came, it would have been the perfect way to go.
The Mishaps
Now, before you start thinking my entire trip went swimmingly smooth, I’ll say that there were quite a few incidents that could potentially have ruined the trip.
My filipina scraped her knee while walking the sharp corals on one of the tours. There were waves and it was hard to maintain balance as the rocks were slippery. It was a pretty deep scrape. When it happened, she was right behind me and she fell on my leg, so I nearly lost my balance. I asked if she was ok as I helped her up, she said “yes I’m fine”. But I see her knee bleeding, so I say “do you need to get out of the water?” We get out, and it’s bleeding even more, blood running down her leg. I grab the tour guide and explained to him what happened and asked if he had a first aid kit.
Luckily he had an antiseptic on the boat. We cleaned the scrape. But we still had several stops left on the tour, which meant we would have to go in the water again. I started worrying about her knee getting infected, so when we got back to the town, I asked my airbnb host’s manager for their first aid kit. All this while, my pinay never complained. Not even once. She was a huge sport, braving her way through it with a smile on her face. She kept saying “I’m fine don’t worry.” She still was diligent about keeping her wound clean, changing the band-aid every day, as infection remained a risk until it fully healed and scabbed over.
Later in the week, she dropped her phone in the water and it got damaged. More on that later in this post, as it happened towards the end of the trip.
Another incident, which might be entertaining for you to read… IF you’re not squeamish. Hopefully you aren’t eating right now.
Third World Traveler Achievement Unlocked: The Squat
Jet lag after a long hauler has an annoying tendency to make me constipated. I hadn’t taken a shit in almost 3 days by the third day of the trip. Plus the different set of microbes native to half a world away from what my gut flora is accustomed to helped set off a full scale digestive revolt.
It was Tour B that day, I think.
The first half of Tour B went without a problem, aside from a slightly queasy feeling in my stomach. Then lunch came. We had crab that day. The snow white meat that magically appears as you break the shells and compartments with your bare hands was so delicious. I probably ate too much rice along with the crab meat. About ten minutes after finishing lunch, I realized I made a big mistake - overeating on a boat tour.
That was when I knew I was in big trouble.
Over the next couple of hours, my stomach alternated between feeling like I’d digested a lead bar, and making loud explosive noises as if cherry bombs were going off in a hydrochloric acid solution. The boat gyrating up and down across choppy waters only aggravated the unpleasant activity down there.
My filipina must have noticed my facial expressions channeling my stomach discontent. She was asking “are you okay?” every five minutes.
On tour B’s last stop, I started getting gassy. Very bad sign.
But I didn’t want to embarrass myself, so I stayed downwind of everyone else. My violent farts would go off harmlessly into the wind behind the group.
We were returning to the boat when I ask the tour guide how long it’d take us to get back to town. He said it’d take 30 minutes.
THIRTY minutes!
I did not have 30 minutes.
What I did have was a ticking time bomb in my digestive system… ready to go off at any moment.
I told the guide I needed to go to the bathroom - and soon. Like NOW.
“But there’s no toilet around here. Only at the town.”
“Well I’ll go behind a tree. I don’t care,” I blurted out without thinking.
The guide laughed. The other tourists on our boat were trying not to laugh. My girl looked concerned.
The guide tells everyone to take an extra 20 minutes and we all get on the island again.
I scurry up the beach to the palm trees. I search for a good “private” spot.
This tree here? No, people can see me.
How about that one over there? Ok that’s better.
I drop my swim trunks and lower myself into a squatting position.
Is this how it’s done? I don’t know. Maybe nature will just take care of itself, regardless of squatting technique.
But wait. There are ants… crawling everywhere! They look a little sinister and agitated.
With my trunks around my ankles, I waddled over to another tree, and squatted again.
Okay it’s coming. It’s about to happen. Yes, come on, get this over with!
Suddenly two dudes come walking into my direct line of sight about 50 meters away. My sphincter involuntarily tightens.
Damn it!
Still in a squatted position, I frog-hop around the tree to remove myself from the two guys’ field of vision.
Ok, now no one can see me. But I still can’t relax. I keep looking around.
Come on! Just get it done. Do it for bragging rights and a good story to tell.
Almost there, but not quite. Still can’t quite relax fully.
Time to try some zen… here I am, squatted with my bare ass inches above the sand, muttering “I don’t give a fuck… I don’t give a fuck…”
Eventually, nature always trumps comfort. I FINALLY drop the payload.
I let out a moan, not unlike when I come during sex. When I was done, I get up.
Of course I look at what I’d just dropped. “Damn…”
Perversely, I could not help but stare at it for a good minute.
I went into the water and rinsed off. Returned to my boat and my girl asked “feel better?” as she gave me a hand sanitizer.
“So much better…”
But… as soon as the boat started bobbing up and down across the waves, I feel a slight burble deep in my belly.
What? Nah… it’s probably nothing.
Three more burbles.
Oh shit.
The burbles became more insistent by the minute.
I had to start practicing some major jedi mind tricks to control my bodily functions as we approached the town beach.
Breathe in… breathe out… no sudden movements… hold it… hold it real tight… just right down the home stretch… you can make it… just hold it together baby… breathe...
I mentally marked my target: a functional toilet at Art Cafe. As we reached the shore, I politely excused myself to the other passenger about to step down the boat ladder.
“I need to use the bathroom real soon, may I go first please?”
Without waiting for their response, I waddled down the ladder, scurried up the shore, and made a beeline to Art Cafe. Flew up the stairs.
Filipina hostess: “Hello sir, how many for a table?”
“Bathroom real quick, excuse me,” I said breathlessly as I held up one finger.
No time left… thank god the toilet was unoccupied. It’s coming now!
With my uncontrollable sense of urgency, I unintentionally slammed the door a little too loud. I push my trunks down. The rip-roaring runs started the second my butt landed on the toilet seat.
Then I sat for a minute more just to make sure there was no unfinished business.
Confident that it was all over and done with, I congratulated myself for the Third World Traveler Achievement of Squatting in the absence of any semblance of a toilet for miles in any direction, along with herculean control over my bodily functions just to maintain my dignity.
The last incident, a flight cancellation that forced me to rearrange all my flight and airbnb bookings and miss two more days of work, would come at the end of this El Nido trip. More on that in a bit.
Zipline, The Falls, and The Beach
The second to last day, we went ziplining. Had to hike up a mountain with a guide to get there. After the zipline, we watched the sunset at Las Cabanas. Food was expensive but good. Dinner involved a bonfire with pork and seafood grilling. Sunset was a bit disappointing as high clouds left over from distant thunderstorms blew in overhead. Did get a couple of nice shots whenever the sun shone through the crud. But after the sun went down, the skies cleared up and we saw thousands of stars. We could even see a hint of the Milky Way... I’ll take that.
On our last full day, we went to the Bulalacao Falls. It, again, involved quite the 45 minute hike halfway up a mountain… navigating through creeks, streams, slippery rocks, boulders, and steep climbs. While it was an easy stroll in the park to our 50 year old filipino tour guide, it was an endurance workout for me. My filipina didn’t seem to be exerting much effort, though.
Our reward came when we arrived at the waterfall with a little pool. The water was surprisingly cold, but very refreshing. We, along with a few other tourists, swam in and around the waterfall, taking photos.
I even met one bearded guy from Texas, and he was with a nice looking filipina. They had met on FC a few months ago! Talk about a little unspoken camaraderie.
After the falls, we went to Nacpan Beach. We ordered fish and crab at the beach restaurant, and drank Mango Rhum. That Mango Rhum - oh man, I’ve never had anything like this. It’s a fresh mango shake, with Bacardi Mango Fusion rum mixed in. May I have another one, pretty please??
The crab. It was huge and meaty. Unlike Western restaurants, they didn’t give a crab shell cracker. I had to crack everything with my bare hands. It was… primal. Now I can’t go back to a shell cracker without feeling like a sissy.
The beach itself was among the most beautiful and cleanest beaches I’ve ever seen. Pure unadulterated white sands and crystal clear water with small breaking waves to goof around in. A must visit if you ever go to El Nido.
One problem was that my filipina got her phone wet and it wouldn’t turn on. I tried to help by letting the phone sit in the sun to get it to dry out. Told her we’ll put it in a bowl of dry rice overnight, and hope it turns on the following day. Again, she didn’t bitch or complain… but she was a bit morose. Not because she needed to use facebook, but because of all the pictures we’d taken on her phone. I hope she’ll be able to recover the photos at a phone shop in Manila...
Travel Woes
We both were sad to leave El Nido. It was one for the ages. A once in a lifetime event for both of us.
We got to the PPS airport and waited for the call to board our flight. Time ticked past our scheduled departure. Still waiting. Finally, they announced the flight was delayed by about two hours. So we waited two more hours. Still no boarding call. No announcement. We waited another hour. By this time we’d been sitting there for nearly five hours.
Another announcement came saying the flight had been cancelled. No reason given. Passengers grumbled. Few men went up and demanded an explanation. Another announcement explained the cancellation was due to high winds and the pilot of the incoming plane was unable to land. We, along with everyone else, went back to the check-in counter to rebook our flights. The line to rebook was at least two hours long. I began worrying that I might miss my return flight to the US if I get rebooked for a Manila-bound flight scheduled later than my flight to the US.
Indeed, the young filipina agent at the desk said the earliest flight we could rebook was the following morning at 11 am. I told her that it would cause me to miss my flight home, and asked if there was an earlier flight. Said it was full. With rising frustration, I asked if she could transfer me to a different airline with an earlier flight. She gave me a stock company-line response: “Cebu Pacific is not responsible for connecting flights with different airlines at any of our destinations.”
It took every bit of self control not to go off on a full blown meltdown.
I told her: “Look here, miss. I originally scheduled my return flight on the 19th, three full days before my flight back to the US. Then your airline cancelled that flight, forcing me to rebook for this flight tonight. Now this flight is cancelled again, no fault of my own, and now I’m going to miss my flight tomorrow morning. I have to rebook it. Except I can’t do it because I can’t hear on the phone and I can’t do it online. My girlfriend’s phone doesn’t work. I expect in a situation like this, you’ve got to do something to help me, don’t you think?”
I probably said this a little too loudly. But the girl dropped the official-company-line act, and said “let me talk to my manager, be right back.”
I was steaming. Blood pressure through the roof. My girl was rubbing my back reassuringly.
The agent conferred with the manager, and came back. “I understand your situation and I’m sorry about that. There’s not much I can do, but I can loan you my personal phone so your girlfriend can call the EVA airlines to help you rebook. Shall we go ahead and rebook this flight to Manila for 11 am tomorrow?”
We agreed to this, got rebooked, and my pinay took the agent’s phone and called Orbitz for me. I passed my information to her and she relayed it to Orbitz customer service. Again, she not once complained about it. She was more than willing to help, and I was very appreciative of this. We were able to rebook my return flight back to the US two days later than originally scheduled.
In total, we both spent about 9 hours at the airport. Nine hours!
I mean, I love the Philippines, but their inefficiency and the “whatever” attitude sometimes grates on me. If you’re from the first world where all the trains run on time, it will test your patience.
After rebooking my flight home, I rebooked my airbnb stays as well. I looked for a hotel online to stay overnight in PPS. Turned out there was a nice first world hotel within walking distance to the airport. We walked there and I asked if they had a room available. They did, and we got a very nice room for only $40. Clean, presentable, and spotless. A toilet that can actually handle toilet paper! A hot shower with powerful water pressure. Complimentary breakfast.
This room would have cost at least $150 in the US. Maybe more.
The nightmare was over. We freshened up. We fornicated our frustrations away. We went to sleep in each other’s arms. Deep restful sleep. Flight the following morning went without a hitch.
On the plane, my pinay joked, “you’re stuck with me for two more days haha.” I think she has that “happy gene” some of us talk about. I mean, she had a lot she could bitch and moan about. The knee scrape. Her water damaged phone. No pictures.
But she didn’t. She kept a sunny disposition throughout the whole trip. I don’t know if I’ve ever dated a Western girl like this. Maybe she’d been through some true hardship that this stuff just rolls off her back. Either way, it has made an impression on me, possibly further raising the bar on women I’d consider having an LTR with. We’ll continue to keep in touch and I’ll probably see her when I’m back in the Philippines in 2016.
Back in Manila
I stayed in a different place in Makati, right near the Ayala triangle park. This residence building was very anal about who gets in the building and any visitors have to sign in and drop off their ID. They cannot collect their ID and leave unless I give the lobby guard my approval. Not exactly ideal, nor discreet, for bang missions or retaining different plates. The building I stayed in the Fort for my bang mission 6 months ago didn’t really care, aside from a front desk woman who gave me looks of contempt for bringing so many different filipinas up to my room.
The Ayala triangle park is a great place for day game.
After having a few beers with Beyond Borders (hats off to him... the guy is for real and you definitely should meet him when you have the chance), I met a girl while walking back to my place. Sidled up next to her and just a little ahead…
“Hey, is this the right way to Ayala park?”
“Yes right this way”
“Perfect, just making sure! I’m not from around here so I want to make sure I don’t get lost…”
“Where are you from?”
“I’m from the US”
“Oh really what are you doing here?”
“I’m on business, I have an energy company and I’m looking for some office space here… you think Makati is a good place?” (making things up as I go along)
“Oh yes it’s where a lot of businesses are, I work in Makati”
“What do you do for work?”
…. From there we find things in common, we do similar work, and we chat more blah blah blah… and got her #.
Classic Giovonny.
Oh yeah, and when I do day game in the Philippines, I almost always do indirect. Only exception is when I just hand out my name and phone number, and walk away. They get very shy when you first talk to them, so direct game won’t work.
The next day, while my girl was at work, I did some more day game (with little success) and spammed my tinder pipeline. I had about 20 matches without really trying. Only two came through, as most were working or just didn’t match up with my limited time. The first one was so shy I couldn’t open her up, so I told her that I needed a nap and let her go. Then I tried another girl, a 6, and she came straight up to my room. Some token LMR.
Then my pinay came over in the evening after work for some more sex. We’d banged an average of 3 times a day the entire trip. Sometimes I had to fake an orgasm just to give myself a break. She made me promise to come back… I’m thinking I’ll take her to Baguio and the Hundred Islands next time. Perhaps even meet her family.
She does have a lot of feminine qualities. She did my laundry and folded my clothes. She helped get me out of a tight spot by calling to rebook my international flight home.
The only two doubts I have are that she already has a 4 year old kid (she at least didn’t hide this fact when we first skyped), and our conversations haven’t been intellectually stimulating. It’s mostly inane banter and laughing for no reason (not that there’s anything wrong with that, in and of itself). It’s quite possible that I might get bored with her after a while.
When considering a choice between masculine women who are intellectually stimulating, and feminine women of average intelligence (or slightly below), I think perhaps I should get over my need for intellectual stimulation or begin to expect it from a different source.
I think the saying goes, “smart, sexy, and sweet… pick only two” or something like that.
I learned a lot about filipinos, their culture, and had rewarding travel experiences that were otherwise not attainable on bang missions...
… and that includes The Squat.
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just for this part. ![[Image: wink.gif]](https://rooshvforum.network/images/smilies/wink.gif)
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