[HankMoody]

Intro - What is BPD?

Imagine this: you meet a girl, and you feel an instant connection with her. It's not just like "you're chill" or "I don't hate spending time with you", it feels like a physical and emotional connection down to the very core of your soul. This beautiful girl hangs on your every word, and just seems to find you to be the most fascinating person that she's ever met. You can talk to her about anything, and she is constantly telling you how you're just perfect for her. She understands everything about you, and sees you for the great person you are. You feel like a better person because of how she reveres you, and sees the greatness in you. She latches onto you, and finds you fascinating. Whether it's your work as a writer or an investment banker, she finds your life to be amazing and wants to be part of it. You're happy to let someone in that "just gets you." You believe God created this woman for you.

The sex is mind blowing. While she might look like the girl next door, this woman fucks like a porn star, just oozing with sexuality behind closed doors. It's sex like you've never had. It's not that it's kinky, the sex is so damn passionate. You two fuck like you're the only two people in the world, cut out from the stars and literally made for each other. This woman is your soulmate, emotionally and physically.

Your infatuation with each other is so strong it feels like a drug. It's the highest you've ever felt emotionally. The infatuation runs so deep that now you now must know what "true love" is. You can't stop thinking about her. This is the stuff they write about in songs and make movies about. Truly, you have found "The One". This is the deepest physical and emotional connection you've ever had for anyone. She is the epitome of femininity and sexuality. She slowly becomes your sense of purpose, the only thing that really matters. Isn't that what love is all about?

The relationship goes from 0 - 90mph instantly. You've only known her for a few weeks, but you're already talking about moving in together or maybe buying a house. She has no qualms about moving into your place, and you're happy just to have more of her.

As things progress, she slowly and randomly starts to get cold and distant. She picks fights with you, and has questions about your dedication to her. You're panicked, and afraid to lose this girl at any cost. Your career as a writer suddenly seems less fulfilling, because nothing is as fulfilling as being around this woman.

Of course, there are some red flags. But you figure that's just what makes her so unique. Maybe she cuts herself. Sometimes she seems to live in a fantasyland, with grandiose stories that are only half true. She seems to put certain people on a pedestal, even though they just met a month ago. She has very few close friends, and the ones she does have she just met a few weeks ago - through you. She's also lived with a few other guys, and you wonder why they didn't wife up this special snowflake.

What was once the perfect relationship slowly becomes a pattern of hot and cold, off and on. One day things are just as good as they were in the beginning, and the next day she's "not sure if she's in love with you anymore." You will do anything to keep those periods of infatuation, which still feel like a drug.

When it's good, it's good. So good. Perfect. There are days like when you two first met, spooning for hours, and just so in love. This time she's FINALLY had a breakthrough - she's gonna commit to this. She recognizes how much she wants you, how much she needs you, and how she could never let you go.

But when it's bad, it's bad. You just can't do anything right, and she knows you so well that she can identify your deepest, darkest character flaws. This is a woman who truly knows you inside and out, to your very core. She knows how to say things to make you feel terrible about yourself, and she's so manipulative that you actually buy into it.

These periods of good and bad can go on for months, and often years. Sometimes she tells you that she wants to marry you, other times you're a horrible human being. You're hopeful that one day it's going to be nothing but good, and never bad. One day. However, you never entirely know where you're at with her, and it can change from minute to minute, hour to hour.

As this goes on, she also seems to meet men, become obsessed with them, and then move on. For example, she meets a tattoo artist and suddenly her entire world is the tattoo community for six months. Then she meets an artist, and suddenly she's found her passion to be a painter. The next month she wants to be a housewife with 2 kids in the suburbs. Today she wants to move across the country and start an Etsy business. Her life and identity tend to fluctuate constantly. You're not sure if she's in a relationship with these men or banging them. When she seems them, they instantly light up and hug each other.

She's very secretive with her phone, and her rotating group of friends. She is also an expert of saying what everyone wants to hear, blending into any social situation with ease. You're not ever sure you can trust her. Is she really "sleeping at her sister's house" or "just friends with that guy, I think he's probably gay anyway."

Despite all the ups and downs, you're still addicted to that feeling of infatuation, and everything about her. Just a year ago she made you feel complete - alive. You've never had a connection with another person like you do her. It's like passion, excitement, and something so indescribable you can't really put it into words.

Well, my friends, you might be dating a girl with borderline personality disorder, commonly referred to as "BPD."

http://www.returnofkings.com/9482/dont-d...y-disorder

You can Google it for more information.

If you've found yourself in a BPD relation, pull up a chair, pour yourself a stiff drink, and come and talk to your buddy Hank...

Clinical Signs of BPD - What Is It?

According to the Mayo Clinic:

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-condi...n-20023204

-An intense fear of abandonment, even going to extreme measures to avoid real or imagined separation or rejection

-A pattern of unstable intense relationships, such as idealizing someone one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn't care enough or is cruel

-Rapid changes in self-identity and self-image that include shifting goals and values, and seeing yourself as bad or as if you don't exist at all

-Periods of stress-related paranoia and loss of contact with reality, lasting from a few minutes to a few hours

-Impulsive and risky behavior, such as gambling, reckless driving, unsafe sex, spending sprees, binge eating or drug abuse, or sabotaging success by suddenly quitting a good job or ending a positive relationship

-Suicidal threats or behavior or self-injury, often in response to fear of separation or rejection

-Wide mood swings lasting from a few hours to a few days, which can include intense happiness, irritability, shame or anxiety

-Ongoing feelings of emptiness

-Inappropriate, intense anger, such as frequently losing your temper, being sarcastic or bitter, or having physical fights

It's not their fault

There is a fine line between healthy male chauvinism and downright misogyny. Being masculine requires being in charge and leading. It's an appreciation of gender roles. Hating women because of their behavior is silly, feminine behavior.

Now that said, it's particularly easy for us to downright hate BPDs and vilify them for their behavior, which is often erratic and unpredictable. We understand it in absolutes - avoid. I'm not going that far.

But understand this. Those feelings she had for you at the beginning of the relationship were real. However, BPDs can't control their emotions, and they change from day to day, hour to hour. They can't help that they become infatuated with the tattoo artist, the guitarist, and that high powered lawyer. They have no real personality of their own, so instead they tend to latch on to men who seemingly have a sense of purpose.

They know this, they hate it. They're living in a world of constant emotional highs and lows, and any sense of purpose they have comes from other people's sense of purpose.

Candidly, the problem with BPDs is if you get sucked into it, you start to lose your own sense of purpose, because she becomes your sense of purpose.

BPDs don't always intend to cause destruction (some do, some don't), but they can't control their emotions. This means that even if they're not actively trying to do something that hurts you, they just can't control themselves. It's close to a drug addition or alcoholism.

It's not that they're bad people, it's just that for the most part they can't change who they are. BPDs can get help, if they choose to get help. However, keep in mind that they enjoy these emotional highs, even if it means dealing with the lows. Just like you do in the relationship.

Whether you want a BPD to be part of your life is entirely your choice. They can't control how they act without medication, and actively making a choice to make changes.

But you can choose how you live, and who is an important part of your life.

Why I am Writing this - Some Guys Never Get Over It

I dated a girl with BPD, and even years later I still have a weird form of PTSD from it. After I actually cut it off for good, I spent a good time seething with anger over my ex. Until I read up on the subject and accepted the fact that it's not her fault.

Today I'm at my office cleaning stuff out and found something of hers, and it all came rushing back for a second. It was like I'd scored a small hit of a drug for a brief second. A feeling of excitement, dread, hope, anxiety, and unbridled passion. I could smell her perfume on the item, and it was a physical rush.

I have never felt such emotional highs or lows compared to this relationship. It's what lead me to game and the red pill. Anyone who has dated a BPD can probably relate to this.

Thanks to guys like Roosh, I was able to get over it, and stay it over. She was the one and only girl I've never nexted. No calls, no texts, not Facebook friends, complete and total detachment. No matter what she said, no matter how hard it was. This took all of my emotional discipline and then some. She is married, and still made a few attempts to contact me. I will not, under any circumstances, have any interactions.

With that said, not everyone is so lucky. I dabble in family law, provided it involves red pill issues. Many of the worst divorces I've seen involve men who married their BPD and had kids, thinking that doubling down, again, would cure things. These relationships can go on for years, and they never end well. There are strong, confident, masculine men out there who eventually find that "one girl" who just gets under his skin. We're talking investment bankers, celebrities, you name it. I would say that I'm astonished at how deep the Oneitis can run, except for the fact that I've been there before first hand. Infatuation is a hell of a drug.

There are different types of borderlines, too. Some simply want to do their own thing, and while they're self interested, they're not out to hurt anyone. Then there are others who are actively out to try and destroy their former mates - claims of fake rape allegations, sexual abuse, etc. I have seen more fake police allegations than you can ever imagine, over seemingly trivial things like "dinner wasn't made right" or something was put out of place. When an "evil" borderline gets angry, they get ANGRY, and the trigger is often arbitrary.

If you've found yourself in a relationship with a BPD I'm not here to judge you, or even to tell you to bail. Just think very carefully about who you make big life decisions with. Marriage is easy to get into, and hard to get out of. When you have kids with another person, you can never truly get away from them in most cases. BPD relationships move from 0 - 90mph in a minute, because you "feel" like you're in love. I would suggest that before you buy a house with someone or even share a space, I'd recommend a MINIMUM of one year together. Don't make big decisions based on your feelings. Compounding this - BPDs ever changing lifestyle and interests make hammering out a custody agreement next to impossible, if you do end up divorcing. One day she wants to move to Texas and join the rodeo, the next week she's moving into her new boyfriend's place.

Marriage is a big decision. Owning a business together, or buying a home together is a big decision. Having kids is an ever bigger decision. Don't base them on feelings.

A BPD can bring even the most powerful and masculine man to their knees.

Reflections

My friends, if I could impart one piece of wisdom onto you it's this - there is no "the One." There are plenty of suitable females out there to date, and even marry if that is what you want to do. Infatuation with anyone is unhealthy. The "love" you see in movies is simply an unhealthy infatuation with another person. If you need someone else to complete your life, you will never be complete. Once your game is solid, and your affairs are in order, picking up women is not all that hard.

Also understand that things are probably not going to change without serious medical intervention. Digging deeper like getting married or having kids usually just compounds the problem, rather than fixing it. Although you can divorce your wife, you can't divorce your kids.

Finally, accept that there are plenty of great women out there. You might not get that utter emotional high in more traditional relationships, but there is immense value in trust and stability. You can't control other people, but you can control yourself, and who you let be a part of your life.

[XPQ22]

There are already several big threads on this on the forum...

thread-8612.html
thread-33757.html
thread-23672.html

etc.

I've dealt with some people with these type of disorders (cluster B, there's a lot of overlap among them) in the past, both in the context of romantic relationships, friendships, and professionally, and with a little insight they're not too difficult to spot pretty quickly.

You realize that they're all essentially running from the same script, and you see the same patterns of behavior over and over again. Just wind 'em up and watch 'em go like clockwork. The main thing to watch out for with BPD women is the process of the idealization -> devaluation -> discard cycle. Beware any girl who puts _you_ on a pedestal soon after she meets you, because there's one reason she's doing it: she's setting you up for the fall.

The unifying pathology is that all sufferers of cluster B personality disorders lack empathy for one reason or another - people with BPD lack it because they're too wrapped up in their own tormented emotional rollercoaster to really care about the feelings of people other than themselves, and one possible reason narcissists/anti-socials lack empathy is because the last thing they ever want is to feel is like someone has "control" over them, and in a sense experiencing the same emotions of another person is giving them "control" over you, in their perverted mindset.

In the main, many of these disorders arise because the person had a fucked-up childhood with parents who weren't emotionally available, or were absent/abusive or some combination. And then the people with the disorders become fucked-up parents themselves. So you might have generations of borderlines/narcissists propagating down through the ages.

It's also possible that from an evolutionary standpoint, BPD/narcissism is a "stable strategy" in small numbers, i.e. an entire population of narcissists/borderlines will fall apart, but in just the right amount they're successful (for some definitions of success) through manipulating and preying off the non-disordered population. The term "emotional vampires" probably isn't far off the truth.

I think there's one guy who does research on cluster Bs who claims that people with these disorders are essentially "artificial intelligences" in human bodies, as the mentality of the most severe of them is really quite alien to "normal" people. I don't know if I buy that, but it is sort of amazing how the human mind, with all its variations, can often end up broken in exactly the same ways.

[HankMoody]

(12-26-2015 01:53 PM)XPQ22 Wrote:  

There's already a huge thread on this on the forum...

I couldn't find it after a search.

[HankMoody]

(12-26-2015 01:53 PM)XPQ22 Wrote:  

There are already several big threads on this on the forum...

thread-8612.html
thread-33757.html
thread-23672.html

etc.

I've dealt with some people with these type of disorders (cluster B, there's a lot of overlap among them) in the past, both in the context of romantic relationships, friendships, and professionally, and with a little insight they're not too difficult to spot pretty quickly.

You realize that they're all essentially running from the same script, and you see the same patterns of behavior over and over again. Just wind 'em up and watch 'em go like clockwork.

I think there's one guy who does research on Cluster Bs who claims that people with these disorders are essentially "artificial intelligences" in human bodies, as the mentality of the most severe of them is really quite alien to "normal" people. I don't know if I buy that, but it is sort of amazing how the human mind, with all its variations, can often end up broken in exactly the same ways.

I remember when I started dating the BPD chick, and I knew something was a bit "off" but couldn't figure out what it was. She had told me she had it was one point and I was just like "Whatever, not a big deal." We all have issues.

After we broke up for good, I started to do some serious research on it. At the time to understand her and win her back, until I came to the realization that it wasn't worth it.

[OGNorCal707]

Good post, I just skimmed through since it is very long, but I agree with everything you wrote, I also dated a BPD chick which seriously fucked my life up, I wrote about it extensively on the forum in the past. Maybe there are different degrees of BPD, but I personally think they are fucking evil. There is something about them, when they get "on one" it's almost like they become possessed by a demon or some shit. Deep down inside they are absolutely miserable people, and in a dark twisted way, they like enacting that pain on others, especially the ones they are intimately, sexually involved with.

BPD women really know how to get into your heads, and what pushes your buttons, but really it goes beyond that, their end goal is complete psychological and emotional domination. Over time they slowly figure you out, what makes you tick, etc., and they want to completely mind fuck you, and have you under their control.

Ofcourse sex is one of their primary weapons, I can't emphasize how absolutely mind blowing and outrageous the sex is, I'm pretty convinced that most women in porn are BPD. This is especially dangerous for a guy with lower sexual experience, or one that's mostly dated prudish girls who weren't that wild sexually. Now you got a hot chick (BPD) who's telling you to fuck her ass, then says "daddy I want to taste my ass so bad", flips around, proceeds to do ass to mouth, then licks your balls in ass, like her life depends on it.

For those interested in psychology BPD is a cluster B personality disorder, it may behoove you to read up on the cluster B personality disorders, there is an extremely high overlap with BPD and Narcissistic personality disorder. Most BPD and narcissists will deep down have very low self esteem and fragile egos, yet they will be some of the most self absorbed and conceited people you'll ever meet. Everything is about them, and they will step on and fuck over anyone to get their way, even purportedly the ones they are "madly" in love with. They will do the most fucked up shit, but never take a shred of responsibility of their actions. Everything about them is about the "victim" mentality. My BPD ex got me arrested on a false domestic violence arrest, I remember how she was promising to meet with my lawyer to write a letter to the judge explaining what happened that night, only for her to storm out of his office, and then latter sob and say that I didn't care about her, and how she "did so much for me", etc.

The victim mentality I'm pretty convinced largely comes from them being sexually abused as children. There is no hard science on why exactly BPD women become BPD, but one of the overarching trends is childhood sexually abuse. I suspect that my ex may have been molested by her own father. She was obsessed with calling me daddy during sex, plus had a fetish for older men with young girls, plus a lot of other weird daddy issues.

At the end of the day I want to feel bad for BPDs, but once you've been in their clutches and seen their madness and evil, it's hard hard to muster up much sympathy and compassion. My best advice is if you figure out a chick is BPD is to walk away and never look back, no matter how hot she may be and how outrageous the sex may be, relationships with BPD never end well, trust me the last thing you need is to get a false rape accusation, a bogus domestic violence charge, catching a serious STD, or getting set up and robbed, all things that are very likely to occur with a BPD.

[XPQ22]

One thing to add with respect to game purposes: as the OP touches on, the disintegration of relationships/marriages between cluster B women and codependent beta men are the stuff nightmares are made of: they're the type of breakups where sometimes someone ends up committing murder or suicide. Just a few probable examples off the top of my head:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phil_Hartman#Death
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hans_Reise...estigation
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_..._Alexander

etc.

Beware of ever coming between a borderline princess and her white knight, or the person who ends up dead might be you.

[HankMoody]

(12-26-2015 02:36 PM)XPQ22 Wrote:  

One thing to add with respect to game purposes: as the OP touches on, the disintegration of relationships/marriages between cluster B women and codependent beta men are the stuff nightmares are made of: they're the type of breakups where sometimes someone ends up committing murder or suicide. Just a few probable examples off the top of my head:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phil_Hartman#Death
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hans_Reise...estigation
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_..._Alexander

etc.

Beware of ever coming between a borderline princess and her white knight, or the person who ends up dead might be you.

What's funny is the red piller in me now views The Tudors and The Great Gatsby as stories about powerful men who got Oneitis for borderlines and paid the consequence.

[XPQ22]

Playing online dating is sometimes like playing spot the narcissist/borderline/histrionic. It's actually good training, and after a little practice they're fairly easy to spot even when all you have to work with is just some pictures and text, because as I mention above they're all running variations on the same program and you see the same patterns over and over.

Sometimes it's trivially easy, like the OKC chick with tons of piercings/hair different colors in every shot/lots of selfies/endless profile where she rambles on and on about herself and the bands she likes and everything she deserves/wants.

Other times it can be a little more subtle. One thing I've learned to watch out for is online dating chicks who describe themselves as "really caring/empathetic". I don't know if they all were on the cluster B spectrum, but I've been dates with some of these girls and almost to a one they've been the least empathetic people that I've met. One of them even tried to steal glassware from the bar we were at! The thing about these disorders is the person almost always lacks insight - sadly it seems they really do believe they're deeply caring and empathetic when to any outside observer they just seem, well, cuntish.

Empathy is normal. People who actually have normal empathy don't have to like, put it in a dating profile as a selling point.

Another thing to watch out for is when they describe the partner that they want as being "caring and empathetic"...cluster B people go after empathetic/hypersensitive partners to "feed" on almost exclusively.

[DamienCasanova]

(12-26-2015 02:11 PM)OGNorCal707 Wrote:  

Good post, I just skimmed through since it is very long, but I agree with everything you wrote, I also dated a BPD chick which seriously fucked my life up, I wrote about it extensively on the forum in the past. Maybe there are different degrees of BPD, but I personally think they are fucking evil. There is something about them, when they get "on one" it's almost like they become possessed by a demon or some shit. Deep down inside they are absolutely miserable people, and in a dark twisted way, they like enacting that pain on others, especially the ones they are intimately, sexually involved with.

BPD women really know how to get into your heads, and what pushes your buttons, but really it goes beyond that, their end goal is complete psychological and emotional domination. Over time they slowly figure you out, what makes you tick, etc., and they want to completely mind fuck you, and have you under their control.

Ofcourse sex is one of their primary weapons, I can't emphasize how absolutely mind blowing and outrageous the sex is, I'm pretty convinced that most women in porn are BPD. This is especially dangerous for a guy with lower sexual experience, or one that's mostly dated prudish girls who weren't that wild sexually. Now you got a hot chick (BPD) who's telling you to fuck her ass, then says "daddy I want to taste my ass so bad", flips around, proceeds to do ass to mouth, then licks your balls in ass, like her life depends on it.

For those interested in psychology BPD is a cluster B personality disorder, it may behoove you to read up on the cluster B personality disorders, there is an extremely high overlap with BPD and Narcissistic personality disorder. Most BPD and narcissists will deep down have very low self esteem and fragile egos, yet they will be some of the most self absorbed and conceited people you'll ever meet. Everything is about them, and they will step on and fuck over anyone to get their way, even purportedly the ones they are "madly" in love with. They will do the most fucked up shit, but never take a shred of responsibility of their actions. Everything about them is about the "victim" mentality. My BPD ex got me arrested on a false domestic violence arrest, I remember how she was promising to meet with my lawyer to write a letter to the judge explaining what happened that night, only for her to storm out of his office, and then latter sob and say that I didn't care about her, and how she "did so much for me", etc.

The victim mentality I'm pretty convinced largely comes from them being sexually abused as children. There is no hard science on why exactly BPD women become BPD, but one of the overarching trends is childhood sexually abuse. I suspect that my ex may have been molested by her own father. She was obsessed with calling me daddy during sex, plus had a fetish for older men with young girls, plus a lot of other weird daddy issues.

At the end of the day I want to feel bad for BPDs, but once you've been in their clutches and seen their madness and evil, it's hard hard to muster up much sympathy and compassion. My best advice is if you figure out a chick is BPD is to walk away and never look back, no matter how hot she may be and how outrageous the sex may be, relationships with BPD never end well, trust me the last thing you need is to get a false rape accusation, a bogus domestic violence charge, catching a serious STD, or getting set up and robbed, all things that are very likely to occur with a BPD.

This is all so true. Thank you for this post, and thank you to Hank as well for the thread. This provides me a lot of insight to my current situation, and was basically what I was rambling about last night in my drunken haze. I've escaped her clutches finally, but once they get the claws in you with the mind blowing sex it's so hard to go back to fucking plain janes. But then the daddy issues always seem to pop up regularly every month or so and she loses her mind for a week. I feel like I'm hooked on crack or some horrible shit, I know she's bad news but it's hard to just say no. I'm walking away now at a good time though, because I'm not going back to get trapped living with her or getting her pregnant, and then seeing what a living hell she would try and make my life. Now the only problem is I just need to replace her with a woman I can fuck like that again, that's the hardest thing for me to find usually....I surely won't miss all the insanity, but dear God I miss the toe-curling, mind-numbing marathon sex sessions.

[Neo]

The knowledge on this forum is fantastic. I had a run in with BPD chick earlier this year and the red flags you guys mention echo my experience exactly.

Let me add my observations to this thread.

This woman fell for me fast, it was probably an act, whether she knew it herself, I don't know. Within a few weeks of meeting this girl she wanted me to start meeting family members. She acted as if I was the most interesting man in the world, hanging on every word, always saying 'tell me more.'

This was her way of trying to figure me out, so she could use the information for manipulation later.

Sexually she didn't mind rawdog sex on the first night without a condom, and after a few weeks started mentioning anal. She had no father.

I also echo how they start to pick fights and become distant. They can go from being 'in love' to not even caring you exist in a split second.

Their use of the word 'empathy' mentioned by XPQ22 is a fantastic observation. Same exact experience here man. She would go on and on how she wanted to date someone who 'had a lot of empathy'

And medical issues, she started bringing these up how she was hospitalized often, playing the sympathy/victim card.

One thing I want to mention is that you can't tell this type of girl by just her looks or her life. The girl I met seemed totally successful from the outside (resident doctor) and it seemed like her life trajectory was solid.

Don't be fooled. I escaped scot-free after 2 months when I starting putting 2 + 2 together, but these women can ruin a man's life.

[HankMoody]

I posted this in another thread, but maybe you guys will enjoy...

I remember when I met the BPD ex. She had such a huge, happy looking smile, and these blue eyes that penetrate your soul. The first night we met, we just sat there and talked about everything. I'm thinking to myself "Holy shit, I just met my soulmate. I could be around this girl forever." Mind you, this was the first girl I'd approached after divorcing my wife of 10 years. Just my type physically, and when we interacted, she would hang on my every word like I was the most unique person on the planet.

In hindsight, there were warning signs but I pushed them all aside, as at the time I was a total game novice. For instance, that night I got her number but she went home with someone else. She was also divorced, and had just broken up with a boyfriend who she still lived with. She also didn't have any female friends.

Our relationship went from 0 - 90mph in like two seconds. We dropped "love bombs" on each other after the second time we hooked up. We met on Halloween, and by Christmas she was at my house were baking Christmas cookies for all my neighbors, even discussing living together. When I left for work that morning, she handed me my briefcase, straightened my tie, and said "goodbye, dear. I'll miss you while you're at work."

The bang was all I hoped it would be and more. After, we sat there laying in each other's arms, and talked about how everything was just perfect at that moment in time (then in the morning she woke up and freaked out because her ex-boyfriend who she was living with had found out about us.) The sex was the most intense and frequent I'd ever had.

Even though she still lived with her boyfriend, I kept plodding along, convinced I could "win the prize." At first, it was unbelievable. She would read everything I wrote, even boring legal stuff, and actually comment on it intelligently. We'd send long text messages to each other, run errands together, and talk about how someday we'd have 5 kids and a house in the suburbs. She was still living with her ex-boyfriend. I would literally think about this girl 24/7, and my heart would jump every time someone would send me a text message, hoping it was her wanting to hang out or chat. When we were together, she would actually hold herself out as my wife sometimes. Usually a reserved person, I'd never connected with someone so physically and emotionally.

Eventually she moved out of the ex's house, but from there she wasn't "ready for a committed relationship." In hindsight this meant "I'm going to ride the cock carousel, and if you're dumb enough to let me ride it, I'm going to. Oh, and let's go somewhere nice for dinner tonight but I can't stay over."

As things progressed, she'd go hot and cold on me. One day we're going to get married and have 5 kids, the next day she "slept over at a friend's house" and "isn't ready for a committed relationship." Mind you, the sex was so good that it was like a drug - now I understand what it's like for heroin addicts. I would literally put up with any and all of her shit just for the chance of another bang. It was such an intense mix of passion, kink, and desire.

When we were together she made me feel so alive that I wasn't even sure living in a world without her would have much of a point. Her smell alone would just trigger so much passion in me that it felt like I was high on love. It was like I had a chemical reaction to her.

I knew she was seeing other guys on the side, but I wasn't willing to give up and I figured she'd eventually "come around" if I did enough for her. You know, fixed her car, took her to lavish dinners, vacations, and pretty much fixed any problem she ever had. She was a master of manipulation - "it's so manly when you do stuff like change the oil. It makes me hot, and I bet you'd make such a good husband." "Hey, can you help me with this legal thing?" And then as I'm chatting with her she non-chalantly starts unbuttoning my pants and giving me a blowjob. The next week she's "too busy to hang out" and all over some other dude's Facebook page, and they checked in together at a restaurant. "Oh, we're just friends having dinner, don't make such a big deal about it."

This went on for a year. At some point, a buddy of mine randomly bought me a copy of The Game, which I read in a day. I figured I could learn game to woo her into a committed relationship. A man obsessed, I ate up every book, forum, and post I could find. I'd go out approaching and learn new stuff, hoping to use my new found player skills on her. I was so obsessed that I actually got pretty good at it.

Eventually I just couldn't take this relationship anymore. The ups, the downs, the hots, the colds, the other guys, the mixed signals, the constant lies, the "we're just friends", and all the beta orbiters. My life literally became subsumed with trying to get her into a committed, stable relationship with me, and trying to figure out where we stood with each other. I'd practically become a junkie for her. I'd check up on her Facebook to try and figure out who else she was seeing, wondering if they're better than me and I'd lose her. She was all I could think about. One minute she wanted to someday by my committed wife, the next minute she "just had dinner with the tattoo artist. Oh, those stains on the bed? Me and my sister were, uh, eating Chinese food in here last night and watching a movie."

We'd break up, get back together, break up, get back together - endless cycles of this. "I'm sorry about the guy who owned the motorcycle shop, it's just that you weren't talking to me. And I think you two would get along so well, you'd be like best friends." She had this weird habit of trying to get all her past and current hookups in the same room.

The only way to get away from it was to go completely dark forever. That happened after a vacation where she spent the whole time on her phone "texting her sister". Once again, she made various attempts to get back into my life, like showing up at my house, certain social events, or asking me to come over and have champaign. It took all my willpower to go completely dark and stay there forever - phone blocked, email blocked, unfriended on Facebook. I cut her out of my life COMPLETELY.

Even today, sometimes a fleeting emotion will randomly be triggered which takes me back to those days. I'll find a book I lent her and it still has her scent on it, and I'll remember the feeling in my gut of obsession, anxiety, desire, and hope. Those were both the best and worst of times.

A few years later I've never had a similar relationship, or felt those kinds of ups with anyone. I've dated a slew of way hotter chicks who are more enthusiastic about sex. However, my relationships eventually fall apart because "I feel like you're not really into it" or "Hank only cares about Hank." I'm naturally an aloof person - this was the only one that managed to get my goat.

At some point, I was wondering if she broke me or whether the red pill did. In reality, my infatuation with her was simply unhealthy. I'm just glad I found this forum, the red pill, and some other resources and didn't double down. After we broke up for good, and I closed of all communication, she got together with a married guy who she had described as "a good friend." He divorced his long time wife for her, and they were married in like three months. Lost his house in the divorce.

A BPD relationship has the potential to crush you physically, financially, and emotionally.

[Ingocnito]

^^^ The super highs with certain people are great.. but so often those same people, if they stick around or resurface and you let them in, tend to weigh very hard on you and consume you until there's nothing left of you to take. The lows greatly outweigh the highs in the end. Just like you, break up, get back together, break up, get back together.. an endless cycle that I must account to her using as reason to be "hypergamous," but in all actuality, just plain slut bag.

I def had a BPD girl (2 actually), and the downside was fucking horrific, effectively deleting all the "great times" and replacing them with as follows.. no shit:

1) Cops and courts due to lies she fabricated about me which she then sent to my Ex I have my only child with (her boderline BPD as well, at best). She and her bullshit (the massive downside lows of our relationship), nearly took me out of commission. I had dumped a BPD girl for good. I finally broke the cycle, or so I thought until:

2) You think you're getting away scott free? Hell fuck NO, they will pull the lowest blows, using ANY means to fuck your life up with an enormous victim mentality driving it, when in fact YOU are their mark victim who will suffer, suffer, suffer for the pain they cause themselves, that they blame on you.

3) BPD girls in short are EXTREME PSYCHOPATHS. period. A psychopath places ALL BLAME on others, and NONE on themselves. They can literally do no wrong in their minds, and never have. The corollary would be a neuropath, or Neurotic, who blames themselves for everything.

4) Overall costing me about $5500 in financial burden to clear my name and:

5) Due to this bitch, I lost fucking visitation of my child for nearly a year. What happened to my daughter (whose mom I dumped for bi-polar manic depressive tendencies as well as borderline BPD) ? Well her garbage mother let the kid's health drop, and grades. (5 cavities in a year, kids only 7!) I have a child struggling to maintain acceptable learning averages in 2nd grade. I thought I had learned my lesson with the first, only to segue into an even worse, more seasoned BPD bitch than the first. It was literally the BPD 1-2 KO punch to my life. A large part of the reason I wound up here.

5) Towards the end, the threats, my oh my the threats.. all nearly breaking the law and plenty with her sending me pics of guys she "could be seeing" etc. Tryin all the b.s. she possibly could to incite deep jealousy, rage, etc. It didn't matter if I cared or not. because as others have stated, no matter what I'd do or say, I was fucked either way. And as you've read, even when I said Asta la Vista tramp.. she still destroyed as best a Westerinized Cunt can do.. Beware.

[OGNorCal707]

Damn it's just textbook BPD how we all have had overlapping experience with these psycho chicks, reading Moody tell his story of meeting his BPD I swear I almost got goosebumps because of how closely it mirrored my experience with my ex. When I met my ex it was like magic, something out of the movies, the way we clicked, how everything seemed to flow so perfectly, how we "connected", both mentally and physically.

Ofcourse once I hit it and we started dating she started saying that she loved me only after a couple weeks of dating/banging, I did think it was a little "off" and a red flag, but I was high and intoxicated by how this beautiful girl who was a solid 8 was so enamored and "in love" with me. Like with anything in life if it's too good to be true, then it probably isn't.

Delving into psychology since I have read up a bunch on BPD, I will explain that what they do is called "mirroring" they actively from the second they meet your are sizing you up and trying to figure out who you are, what you're in to, etc. They then "mirror" your interests so in your mind, you are thinking "oh my God this girl really gets me, we have so much in common, our connection is so real."

While in reality one of the criteria from the DSM (psychiatry's diagnostic manual for diagnosing disorders) is that BPD have no real sense of identity, thus in other words they are "social chameleons" who can morph their personalities depending on who they are with, a BPD girl can go from one guy who is a thug rapper and emulate his style, then go to a yoga hippy, to a preppy frat boy who plays golf on Sunday.

That is one of the scarier things about them, they have no real sense of self, they can morph into anyone they think you want them to be. Another scary characteristic of them is when they "split" or have a "dissassociative" experience, kind of like how I described how they can appear to be possessed. It's almost like a multiple personality disorder, but really it's more like "Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde", as in one moment they can be all happy go lucky, smiling saying I love you, to a "crying, screaming, violent psychopath", only to come back to reality, and then act like they had no idea how they were behaving.

[JacksonRev]

BPD ex-wife. Never again.

[Off The Reservation]

One of the best movie BPD characters is Ginger McKenna played by Sharon Stone in Casino.

[OGNorCal707]

Hey so this topic is generating some serious interest, and Hank shared his story, so I decided to drop a link to my story of what happened with my ex, it's from 4 years ago so obviously a lot has changed for me thankfully, any how here it is for anyone who may be interested:

thread-4403.html

[DarkTriad]

>It's not that they're bad people...

They're pretty much the definition of bad people. They are what they are, and what they are isn't good.

[Ingocnito]

Whether the American Psychiatric Associations prefers to "invent" "conditions" for clustered behavior for cunty bitches or not, what it boils down to is beating them at their own game, OR disassociating with them. Most of them do shit that's borderline illegal. Think jail will straighten them out after they "find God?" Fuck no.

If we really wanted to assign BPD to ALL the women who present at least half of the major markers for BPD, we could argue, much like high percentages of young boys are "Hyperactive Disorder," that 30-70% of literally ALL westernized women are legit BPD.

You know that causes BPD? Zero societal accountability on women... to the extent, that their brain chemistry through decades of (mother-to-daughter) conditioning in thought process, actually begins to physiologically change. Naturally this is some bro science on my behalf, but I'd bet my ass I'm right about this.

[BadgerHut]

"One thing I've learned to watch out for is online dating chicks who describe themselves as "really caring/empathetic". I don't know if they all were on the cluster B spectrum, but I've been dates with some of these girls and almost to a one they've been the least empathetic people that I've met. One of them even tried to steal glassware from the bar we were at! The thing about these disorders is the person almost always lacks insight - sadly it seems they really do believe they're deeply caring and empathetic when to any outside observer they just seem, well, cuntish."

I've noticed this too - there's a certain class of chick who insists she's "empathetic" or a variant "really good at reading people." Usually it's malignant nonsense. Either she's good at making up stories in her head and projecting them onto people, or she just likes to talk about other people's minds and emotional states and so thinks that is empathy. Lots of manipulative people can play the "empathy" card when what they are really doing is hunting for weaknesses they can exploit.

BPD is a mental illness. People with BPD are sick and aren't going to be "cured" with the right dick. You gotta get away and cut off contact before they ruin your life - no matter how good the sex or dating is. It's a tribute to how bad most women today are at generating any kind of positive rapport with men that these crazies are so singularly prized for making a man feel good about himself.

[OneEyedMonk]

Hank, I have read all your previous installments on your Oneitis story, and understand your pain.

It is a very classic "femme fatale" story that has played out in human history ever since the beginning of time, always following the same storyline.

It is a reversal of script.

She is the alpha, albeit in the appearance of a womanly man-with-tits, and you are the infatuated man-bitch chasing the alpha for commitment, love, and the full long list. She treats you mean, keeps you keen.

You are a prisoner in her web. Your happiness depends on her. The restoration and healing of your challenged ego depends on her approval. She is your dealer, you are the junkie. There is a chance that for the rest of your life you will think of her, and never get a higher high than what she gave you, and always wonder if you could have made it work somehow.

You did not fall into the trap by chance. It was her design. "Be like water" - she played it to perfection. It was a manufactured, artificial image that she created just for you. An illusion to fall for and fall into. The soulmate. The other half. The one who completes you. It was a game of power, where she won, and then feasted on your soul.

Most of us have been there, and even though rationally it is a situation that a smart man understands, you will emotionally never really pull out.

Pair bonding is the force to blame. For whatever reason, it will strike without warning, and there will be no escape. It is a natural force just like gravity. And just as for gravity, I do not buy the narratives of some men claiming natural of learned immunity to pair bonding. It is gonna hit you, and will impact you, some of us more, some less. But in any case you need to ride it out, and that is where some "techniques" such as no contact, fucking a dozen other chicks, etc come into play, and may help. May. Different courses for different horses, but one thing I noticed universally is that denial of your addiction is the biggie that blocks the 5 stages of the grieving process playing out, and your eventual escape.

I still recall reading your post from the day you found out that your femme fatale is engaged and pregnant, and even though it had been years, I could sense your still present trauma.

Napoleon, who at that time was the most powerful man on Mother Earth, had a Oneitis for Josephine, and he never ever really got over his femme fatale, even after re-marrying. He wrote her hundreds of letters expressing his extreme love for her. Bitch in the meanwhile was getting nailed by some officer back in Paris.
She brought her lover along even when she went to visit him in the battlefields of Northern Italy. The most powerful man on Earth, who was strong enough to bayonet hundreds of enemy soldiers in Jaffa to save bullets , was not strong enough to fight and kill the pair bonding force weighing on him . So there is no shame on any of us stuggling with this force of nature. Josephine was not even pretty, and she was post-wall (30+)...

"BPD" is just modern bullshit terminology. I do not believe that it is anything such as a real disease or a broken leg, as portrayed by modern clinical medicine. Rather, is just means here is woman who is extremely good in the fields of cunning, manipulation and seduction. A very formidable opponent in the game of life. One who is still under your skin.

[Sooth]

(12-27-2015 04:49 AM)OneEyedMonk Wrote:  

"BPD" is just modern bullshit terminology. I do not believe that it is anything such as a real disease or a broken leg, as portrayed by modern clinical medicine. Rather, is just means here is woman who is extremely good in the fields of cunning, manipulation and seduction. A very formidable opponent in the game of life. One who is still under your skin.

Interesting perspective, like ADHD for young boys.

Not a flaw, but a feature we were never taught to handle.

[Windom Earle]

I posted in Hank's other BPD related thread, but also wanted to add an addendum to my thoughts on the matter.

BPD chicks, whilst having the potential to do extensive damage to a man's life, finances, ego and mental health are only as effective at doing that as the men are receptive to their advances and willingness to continue to engage them.

Easier said than done, obviously. Especially when the feeling of being around them (during the highs) is like absolutely no other. Being with a BPD chick during the good times feels like finding your true purpose in life, for you finally feel like you are understood and can be yourself 100%; and be adored for it.

Not only that, but their hyper-femininity and sexuality awaken something primal in you, making you feel like you weren't really expressing yourself as a man fully until you met them.

Kind of like a "before and after" mentality. Before, you were just trudging through life, frustrated, misunderstood, never really connecting on a genuine and meaningful level with any chicks. Then this vixen comes along, probably the hottest girl aesthetically you've encountered, and to top it off, satisfies every sexual urge (and your ego) that you've ever dreamed of whilst at the same time giving that "soul mate" feeling - no doubt some sort of blissful chemical reaction occurring in the brain (which I believe she genuinely feels too). It does literally feel like a fairy has kissed you on the dick and granted you your deepest wish.

That's why the lows are so incredibly low, as the fallout is a betrayal of a magnitude that has never been felt before. As men we like to deal in absolutes, and fail to fully fathom how such a complete and glorious connection with a girl like this can be considered anything less than perfect and permanent by them. It's like a good "trip" that has suddenly done a 180 as negative vibes take hold, creating a palpable feeling of dread and despair, crippling you to your very core.

I also tend to agree that you can never really be the same after a relationship like this. You can grow and learn from it; mend somewhat, but something has truly died within you - maybe it's an innocence or a sense of naive trust, which is replaced with a conditioned fear that getting that close to someone again will result in the same outcome, and since we are geared toward wanting that ultimate pair bond of which we felt within that relationship, it's morbidly depressing to come to the realisation that the bliss we experience, whilst real in the moment, has a limited shelf life and very damaging repercussions. As the saying goes, "once bitten, twice shy."

I can't deny that this is pretty much the sole reason why I set out on improving myself, building myself up again and attempting to satiate my ego with around 60 odd notches since...but hey, I've also genuinely had a lot of fun along the way, and have actually met some great (and hot) girls. In fact, I found one suitable (and stable) enough to pop the question to, so I've come out the other end doing ok considering.

[Robert Plant]

I used to get horrible oneitis. Ever since I ended my marriage with a marginally BPD women however, I have focused on game and building multiple non-monogamous relationships.

Starting about 2 months ago I had a very intense, passionate yet short term relationship (less than a month) with women from another place. The sex was the best I've ever experienced and she displayed several other BPD traits that have been mentioned in this thread.

In the end she said if I can't commit to her she could never talk to me again. Her explanation was that she was "too loyal" and respected herself too much to be just another girl to me. She pulled this an hour before she was leaving to go home halfway around the world. It was so painful, I actually shed tears, yet I held my ground and told her that it was her choice so goodbye. Tellingly, I don't remember her shedding tears. Within 36 hours I was banging a much younger harem girl which made me feel way better. Within a week girl 1 emailed me and apologized for making such a rash decision. I have not responded to her yet and am not sure if I will.

[Windom Earle]

^ You did the right thing RP - forget about her.

Going off the deep end and then attempting to take back/apologise for their hasty decision is most definitely a BPD calling card.

It's almost like they have unfinished business to attend to. If they haven't completely broken you, they know that they'll be taken back for round 2, 3, 4 or whatever the number of break-ups have transpired, so they can claim complete victory in the soul crushing stakes.

[XPQ22]

(12-27-2015 08:28 AM)Windom Earle Wrote:  

^ You did the right thing RP - forget about her.

Going off the deep end and then attempting to take back/apologise for their hasty decision is most definitely a BPD calling card.

It's almost like they have unfinished business to attend to. If they haven't completely broken you, they know that they'll be taken back for round 2, 3, 4 or whatever the number of break-ups have transpired, so they can claim complete victory in the soul crushing stakes.

It's a well-known tactic that people with the disorder use:

http://www.bpdfamily.org/2010/09/bpd-new...is-it.html

The only solution is going "No Contact" forever. I've had to do it several times in my life.

"Can we stay friends?" "I'll never know what I did wrong!" "We should keep in touch..."

No, piss off ya toxic cunt.