[PapayaTapper]

(02-10-2016 03:10 PM)Cumulonimbus Wrote:  

Is she genuinely interested what's going on with me after such a no contact time? Not sure that's the case. Is it her passive aggressive way of rubbing it on my face that she got married and my ex too? Might be the case. What should I make out of if?

You already know the answer.

Unless she's offering to set you up with new pussy keep her on ignore mode. What other possible upside is there to responding?

[Cumulonimbus]

(02-10-2016 03:47 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  

(02-10-2016 03:10 PM)Cumulonimbus Wrote:  

Is she genuinely interested what's going on with me after such a no contact time? Not sure that's the case. Is it her passive aggressive way of rubbing it on my face that she got married and my ex too? Might be the case. What should I make out of if?

You already know the answer.

Unless she's offering to set you up with new pussy keep her on ignore mode. What other possible upside is there to responding?

That's exactly my thought too. But in order to find out if she's putting new pussy on the plate I'll have to reply to her. Wouldn't that be like opening Pandora's box?

[Ringo]

Good thread.

Broke up with girlfriend of 3+ years (with a few gaps in between) yesterday.

Great girl, clean break. It just wasn't working out for us anymore.

Signing in here to make myself accountable - been sucked back into a relationship more than once before.

Time to remove the rust and get back on the game.

[mammal]

All I can add is that many many years later I've come to the realization that I ended up being better off WITHOUT the women who broke up with me. There is no perfect woman out there, but breaking up made me free to pursue someone better, be better at noticing warning signs etc.. Soallthose women made mea favor.

[General Stalin]

Relationships always end for a reason. Doesn't matter what the reason is - it happens and thats what needed to happen.

Another common thought when a girl breaks up with you or fades away is that "If only my game had been better..."

Get rid of that notion. If a girl isn't feeling you, then aside from you or her being a different person nothing was going to save your relationship. Telling her "no" to helping her hang that picture frame 6 months ago instead of "yes" wasn't going to keep her in your wheel house. Responding less to her texts wasn't going to stop her from sucking some other guy's dick.

Quote:

All I can add is that many many years later I've come to the realization that I ended up being better off WITHOUT the women who broke up with me.

The flaw behind oneitis is that it makes you govern your life in a female-centric way. No female is the center of your life. You are the center of your life. A girl either wants to be a part of that or not. It's not your job to convince her that she should be with you. She needs to see who you are and what you got going on and decide if she wants to go along for the ride.

It's the idea that a woman completes your life and without that woman your life is missing something big and important. Fuck that. As long as you are the best version of yourself, then you are bullet proof. If a girl doesn't want to be a part of that then thats her problem not yours. You already got your shit together.

[Minnesotadrake]

Just got dumped about a month ago for the second time from my ex. What was I thinking?! Giving her another opportunity to dump me is so dumb on my part. No contact is the best especially when you have a girl who goes back and forth with everything in your relationship....no contact absolutely kills them inside...

[kaotic]

(02-23-2016 06:35 PM)Minnesotadrake Wrote:  

Just got dumped about a month ago for the second time from my ex. What was I thinking?! Giving her another opportunity to dump me is so dumb on my part. No contact is the best especially when you have a girl who goes back and forth with everything in your relationship....no contact absolutely kills them inside...

Good but it should be a learning lesson on NEVER going back to a girl.

Jariel said it best:

The One Thing To Remember When You Leave Her

Don't ever contact her again man.

[SiverFox]

Do you players block your ex's number, or just ignore?

I'd like to block the number but don't want to give her the satisfaction of knowing I wasted even a couple seconds thinking about her. On the other hand, just assume not seeing anything from her.

[General Stalin]

If she keeps trying to contact you after you make it clear you want nothing to do with her, then block. Otherwise, just ignore her and she should get the hint.

[TornadoByProxy]

I never block any number. Seeing that someone wants to contact you is information, and information is power.

[Delta]

The one thing that breaks me down emotionally and seriously tempts me to try and get back with an ex is, contrary to conventional wisdom, looking for another girl. My mind involuntarily compares every girl I come across to my ex, and inevitably concludes that the new girl could never measure up. It's a sick feeling. Feels good to know there are others grappling with the same temptation.

[Stimulus]

^
Sadly those feelings are all too familiar.

Spoke with my ex a few days ago. Obviously didn't want to but there was no way around it for the both of us.

I have to say for me it's getting better every day. Honesly my view on her (and thus our past relationship) is slowly increasing towards the negative. Though this makes it a lot easier to deal with the every once in a while feeling that I miss her, I'm not happy about it.

Somehow discovering RVF and all of the great knowledge being dropped here helps me a lot regarding getting my shit in order, but it also get me in a bit of a jaded feel towards my ex.

Oh well, plenty of girls, keep on gaming. Re-reading this thread every once in a while helps.

[General Stalin]

Hope all of you who have posted in this thread for accountability have stuck to your guns. Would like to see a sit rep from some of you to see how you're holding up.

My inbox is always open to people looking to talk or get some one-on-one advice whatever.

[Ringo]

(03-15-2016 04:00 PM)General Stalin Wrote:  

Hope all of you who have posted in this thread for accountability have stuck to your guns. Would like to see a sit rep from some of you to see how you're holding up.

One month in, no contact - though coincidentally I did look at a picture of my ex today for the first time. I've absolutely no desire to get back into a relationship with her, but I do miss her as a person, she's cool and positive. And I do miss having someone to share silly things with: cooking good food, watching movies, walking around town, etc.

Like Delta wrote above, comparing new girls to the ex is the most emotionally challenging part. That's also why I haven't been doing any online dating. Even though it's "easier" I find it demotivational and depressing.

I haven't banged any new girls yet but I'm going out regularly and approaching so it's only a matter of time.

Stay strong, guys.

[Mercenary]

Should I post here when I start on day 1 or when I've already done it for a good chunk of time (like a month) and feel a moment of weakness that I need to overcome ?

[crudeloyalist]

(02-17-2016 01:33 PM)General Stalin Wrote:  

The flaw behind oneitis is that it makes you govern your life in a female-centric way. No female is the center of your life. You are the center of your life. A girl either wants to be a part of that or not. It's not your job to convince her that she should be with you. She needs to see who you are and what you got going on and decide if she wants to go along for the ride.

It's the idea that a woman completes your life and without that woman your life is missing something big and important. Fuck that. As long as you are the best version of yourself, then you are bullet proof. If a girl doesn't want to be a part of that then thats her problem not yours. You already got your shit together.

^ This is gold. +1 from me.

[General Stalin]

(03-21-2016 03:53 PM)Mercenary Wrote:  

Should I post here when I start on day 1 or when I've already done it for a good chunk of time (like a month) and feel a moment of weakness that I need to overcome ?

Post here whenever you need to stop yourself from hitting up a bitch you have no business hitting up.

You feel the urge to text her? Post in here instead. Want to vent about it? post in here. Want advice? You get it. Just keep yourself from getting in contact.

[egionesco]

Been no contact since early February, she texts to invite me "with her friends" to the very same place she pulled this asinine triple flake on me that effectively ended us- things had been going for two months, I'm inexperienced and missed some signals I won't miss again.

(On the flake, she contacted me two days beforehand to tell me she forgot about a vet appointment, asked to text her when I was leaving, I did, she said she didn't feel well but "stop by later" when you come home, when I came home I stopped by, she was "having dinner with a friend." So I guess it's kinda my bad, but it's the mean kind of flake where you really don't expect it and then she drags it out and keeps giving you hope. And I was unprepared for this- she had exhibited none of this behavior and we'd been smashing for months.)

Anyways, the point of the story: After six weeks of radio silence, she sends me this invitation. She's like, hey my friends told me about this cool place, describes it, and then says I should come along tonight. (Her flake meant so little to her that she evidently forgot that's where we were going.) I respond: "Pics of friends?" No response.

I think it's done well nuked now.

[SiverFox]

(03-22-2016 01:33 AM)egionesco Wrote:  

I respond: "Pics of friends?" No response.

I think it's done well nuked now.

No response is always better. Silence is power. Delete her info and don't look back.

[egionesco]

Posting here as penance, I got flaked on today by my first date since getting into game a few months ago, got everything in my pad set up right. Just checked out social media on old flame posted about above and have strong desire to send a hail mary DTF text. I know how stupid this is and am posting for newbie strength.

No response necessary really, this took care of it.

[Ringo]

(02-15-2016 07:23 AM)Ringo Wrote:  

Good thread.

Broke up with girlfriend of 3+ years (with a few gaps in between) yesterday.

Ran into her at a friend's birthday party on Saturday. First time seeing/talking to her in 2 months.

She tried repeatedly to get my attention to no avail but eventually managed to isolate me. She just wanted to talk about what was new, check in on me, whatever. Talked to her for five or ten minutes because I knew she'd keep harassing me otherwise.

No issue, though - I've no interest in getting back together.

Having said that, it's a bittersweet experience. You look at the person and think of the good times, but know that they are in the past - not the future.

Always remember Jariel's only rule for ex's :

Quote:

If a chick left you or you left her, there was a reason for it.

Regardless of which side of the table you're on, there is probably some of level of blame that can be shared as to how you got there.

With that being said, all that matters is that you got there.

And the only rule is, you can't go back.

[RunsWithScissors]

Good time for me to find this thread. I was married for 8 years and have two kids, been divorced 4.5 years and no hang-ups over her. But was in an LTR for 3 years after and it ended around the first of the year. She lived with me and my kids for a year and I thought we were going to build a family.

I think of her every fucking day, used to be 1000 times a day and now it's down to a couple hundred. I'm doing good at not contacting her even when I want, even when I saw her at the gym two days in a row a few weeks ago. Last week I went on 4 dates (2 day game 2 online) with 4 different women resulting in 3 kisses and 2 bangs. I still miss the fuck out of her though. Like Delta said, new girls don't compare with the idealized memory. But I remember that it definitely is an addiction as Realologist said.

[Vaun]

(04-18-2016 05:55 PM)RunsWithScissors Wrote:  

Good time for me to find this thread. I was married for 8 years and have two kids, been divorced 4.5 years and no hang-ups over her. But was in an LTR for 3 years after and it ended around the first of the year. She lived with me and my kids for a year and I thought we were going to build a family.

I think of her every fucking day, used to be 1000 times a day and now it's down to a couple hundred. I'm doing good at not contacting her even when I want, even when I saw her at the gym two days in a row a few weeks ago. Last week I went on 4 dates (2 day game 2 online) with 4 different women resulting in 3 kisses and 2 bangs. I still miss the fuck out of her though. Like Delta said, new girls don't compare with the idealized memory. But I remember that it definitely is an addiction as Realologist said.

I went through this exact scenario. Just hang in there. It was probably good to get your ex wife off your mind with this one, and this one was just the next stop along the way on the love train. I made almost this exact mistake, and as other board members can attest, couldn't shake this girl for a few years. Once I did and really started gaming, my life completely changed. There will be many many more. Dont sweat it. Get into yourself for a while. The beauty of divorce is that you can become whatever you want. Go work, lift, be the best dad you can be, build another business, etc, etc. You can do whatever you want to now.

[NASA Test Pilot]

Replacing one woman with another or contacting an Ex will not solve the deeper issue that is stirring down in the core of our being. As men we must realize that fulfilling our purpose is primary. When we place our attention on things (to include women) before our purpose there will be discord and we are ultimately responsible for the pain we are inflicting upon ourselves. Of course we are not perfect and we will stumble, yet we must continuously remind ourselves. Part of our purpose is to procreate, but it is not our sole purpose.

In my experience the highest category a woman can be in, is one who inspires me to fulfill my purpose; but I am the one who fulfills my purpose, she may inspire (or even support) yet I am the one who acts. It is possible that a woman who inspires me to romance may one day (cross the bridge and) inspire me to fulfill my purpose, but until that day… I would never want contact with any ex as they inspire me to nothing (even if they were a nice person, etc.) and will ultimately distract me from fulfilling my purpose. Any feelings I have must be worked out within myself and perhaps with the help of my closest friends as I focus on fulfilling my purpose.

[Tex]

For the guys who are contemplating breaking the no contact:

When I was in middle school and high school, there was this girl named K. K was my crush. K was beautiful, a solid 9 with a fat ass and one of the funniest girls had ever met.

My freshman year of college, after having me as an orbiter for all of high school and then dropping me, K came back to me and had sex with me. Two months deep in a fling full of flakes, lies, and disrespect, K went ghost on me. I lost my dignity to her in the most humiliating way.

I was K's toy.

Three years later, just a week or so ago, K texts me out of the blue. After all the improvement I thought I had made, the game I developed, the strength I worked on, my heart still began to race when I saw it was from her.

I knew in my heart I should text her, that this time it would be different. But I also knew that was all a lie. So I didn't.

When I think back on it, I feel an extremely pure kind of satisfaction. I broke the spell. I made it over the hump. I broke my own last minute resistance, forced myself to do what I thought I knew was wrong, and I accept it. That final act of ghosting on my first, almost decade old oneitis did it for me. Not only did it save me wasted time, money, energy, sanity, and dignity, it helped me prove to myself that I was strong enough to turn her down.

The No Contact Rule exists for a reason. If you force yourself to stick to it, you will feel more satisfaction than cumming on a ruined girl's face or paying for an old crush's meal will ever bring you, because it's satisfaction with yourself.

It's not all "she is in the past I'll never have this again." You're gaining your future by not taking her back.