[redbeard]

Wow LTR truth bombs being dropped here.

You know what's funny, I skipped over this thread because I'm not in an LTR, not seeking LTR advice, and because "Seeking LTR Navigational Advice" sounded like a beta newbie wondering if he should ditch his girlfriend

This is THE "Should I break up with her?" thread, there is so much knowledge shared, and WIA hasn't even gotten on the podium. Having gone through a simliar fork last year, I'll add what hasn't been covered.

I was on the fence for MONTHS, but what swung me over was actually a Beyond Borders quote. I can't remember where it is, and +1 for anyone who can find it, but he was talking about a similar situation and said: "If you stay with her, you'll think about all of the other pussy you could be chasing instead. If you leave her, you'll think about how the relationship would have gone. That's part of being a man." After reading that I had a big mindblown.gif moment, and that quote stays with to this day. I still think about my ex. We had discussed marriage and all that jazz, and I wonder if we could've made it work. But, I recognize that this is part of being a man, and if I stayed with her, I would be thinking about chasing pussy instead.

If you're on the fence like kaotic and I were, take a trip with her, ideally somewhere with no cell phones. Mexico could be a fun, inexpensive opportunity. Get a beach house for a few days, plan some outdoors activities, get drunk, fuck in the sand. I spent a week abroad with my ex and all the up close exposure exposed and EXPLAINED all of our differences. When you're living together or married, you start to see these flaws better, and vacations can be a small sample of this. Like someone mentioned, her flaws that are just "little things you get over" have the potential to grow into big red marks on her report card. In the same sentiment, at this "fork in the road," alone time as a man will pull the curtains back on emotions.

Lastly, once you break up with her, it's over. Don't stay in touch, don't linger around, don't think about making her a FWB, and do not go back. She is out of your life, and the less you drag things out, the easier it'll be for her to move on and hopefully find a more suitable partner (or one of us to bang her lol).

Always remember The Only Rule For Ex's.

[Off The Reservation]

[quote] (12-14-2015 08:02 PM)Onto Wrote:  

[quote='kaotic' pid='1170541' dateline='1450136233']

Edit: I would tell her she needs to quit smoking (cigs and weed) and drinking (heavily) for at least a couple years before you consider marriage. See if she can do it. I would also suggest she quit the bartending/waitress job and get work that is more aligned with your schedule.[/quote]

I like your post ONTO generally but this is too much. Are you going to also send this girl for tattoo removal? Perhaps some new parents as well?

She is who she is.

Two lesser important points. 1. The herpes may have come from her you don't know. Go together for full testing. See how she reacts to that. It is what it is you have to move on like however many other people have this. Many of us who don't have it may have throw the dice and won but it was random chance... 2. That story about "who was she" is a way of controlling you. She doesn't really care she is gaming you on a different kind of game. Which brings me to the overall point.

OP I know she is not a dancer but you sound like a guy who goes on and on about getting into a LTR with / falls in love with a stripper. Its ALL BAD but only you see the positive in the broken little dancer stripper with her struggles etc. Just replace bartender for you.

And this is not a newbie question at all you are in deep shit.

There is no reason on the planet at your age to be pressured to advance this "relationship." Hold your frame man. You are being pressured and you don't really say here why or how, but you have to ask yourself why. I suspect the answer is you are being played.

Ask yourself about your values man. What do you want in a wife? You are young enough to take another decade to get the right one if needed. But look around you at the countless hundreds of thousands of guys who went against their better judgment to rescue a little kitten and ended up in decades of court battles, trying to get time to "raise" their kids who live somewhere else and live with the financial and legal intrusion into their lives that these broken women so easily cause, somewhere just a few years after you get comfortable.

Guilt is a very powerful manipulative tool and you should think about how to let go of its grip over you. Without guilt, are you interested in MARRYING this one???

Although your story is quite different take a moment and read this.

I assure you that you will not break her heart when you make the decision and tell her that this was and will continue to be only fun. She will move on so fast it will make your head spin.

Again, if you take away the "guilt" spell that is the only way you will be able to answer this life question.

Edit: I wrote this before reading that you ended it. Hopefully you will not get vacuumed back in. Good move I think.

[kaotic]

(12-23-2015 12:17 PM)redbeard Wrote:  

I was on the fence for MONTHS, but what swung me over was actually a Beyond Borders quote. I can't remember where it is, and +1 for anyone who can find it, but he was talking about a similar situation and said: "If you stay with her, you'll think about all of the other pussy you could be chasing instead. If you leave her, you'll think about how the relationship would have gone. That's part of being a man."

If you're on the fence like kaotic and I were, take a trip with her, ideally somewhere with no cell phones. Mexico could be a fun, inexpensive opportunity.

Lastly, once you break up with her, it's over. Don't stay in touch, don't linger around, don't think about making her a FWB, and do not go back. She is out of your life, and the less you drag things out, the easier it'll be for her to move on and hopefully find a more suitable partner (or one of us to bang her lol).

Always remember The Only Rule For Ex's.

Red, thanks, it did really come down to that, it was a catch 22 of course, I chose chasing new pussy and enjoying my life.

The idea of going away for awhile on a trip with a girl is a great idea for an LTR. I've done that with her a few times, never had any issues, she's just an early riser on vacations, I'm not lol.

I was on the fence a week and knocked that fence down and made a decision and dumped her.

Looking back on it, it was a fairly easy decision, she already deleted me off all social media, did drop a guilt line which I ignored.

She's a great gal, but I don't want to waste either of our time, she even had ordered some nice dress shirts for me that I told her not to for xmas lol

I feel a bit bad about that, and was going to grab a gift off to her - Jariel put me in check on that.

(12-23-2015 01:01 PM)offthereservation Wrote:  

I like your post ONTO generally but this is too much. Are you going to also send this girl for tattoo removal? Perhaps some new parents as well?

She is who she is.

Two lesser important points. 1. The herpes may have come from her you don't know. Go together for full testing. See how she reacts to that. It is what it is you have to move on like however many other people have this. Many of us who don't have it may have throw the dice and won but it was random chance... 2. That story about "who was she" is a way of controlling you. She doesn't really care she is gaming you on a different kind of game. Which brings me to the overall point.

I think onto is right about the smoking, that can be changed, if not, then you need to eject. The mother of my children will no way be smoking around them or her parents either. That was my biggest fear, I also would want the mother of my children.

As for your #1 I'm almost positive it came from a dirty slut I had a ONS on Tinder. It definitely wasn't from my main, I also had a harem going on also.

For #2 she tried pulling that shit, I swatted it down with a great explanation and ignored her huffing, so she stormed out since I wasn't playing her game.

Quote:

OP I know she is not a dancer but you sound like a guy who goes on and on about getting into a LTR with / falls in love with a stripper. Its ALL BAD but only you see the positive in the broken little dancer stripper with her struggles etc. Just replace bartender for you.

Yes she had red flags, it wasn't all bad, but does it even matter anymore ? I learned a lesson from this.

Quote:

And this is not a newbie question at all you are in deep shit.

There is no reason on the planet at your age to be pressured to advance this "relationship." Hold your frame man. You are being pressured and you don't really say here why or how, but you have to ask yourself why. I suspect the answer is you are being played.

Ask yourself about your values man. What do you want in a wife? You are young enough to take another decade to get the right one if needed. But look around you at the countless hundreds of thousands of guys who went against their better judgment to rescue a little kitten and ended up in decades of court battles, trying to get time to "raise" their kids who live somewhere else and live with the financial and legal intrusion into their lives that these broken women so easily cause, somewhere just a few years after you get comfortable.

I did hold my frame, I told her I don't know what I want, and that it wasn't fair to either of us to keep moving forward. I didn't need explain her red flags. The first reason was more than enough.

It's not that I was being played, I had all the power in the relationship, she just wanted more of me.

Which I couldn't offer, which is why I let her down gently as possible.

Quote:

Guilt is a very powerful manipulative tool and you should think about how to let go of its grip over you. Without guilt, are you interested in MARRYING this one???

Although your story is quite different take a moment and read this.

I assure you that you will not break her heart when you make the decision and tell her that this was and will continue to be only fun. She will move on so fast it will make your head spin.

Again, if you take away the "guilt" spell that is the only way you will be able to answer this life question.

No I didn't have any guilt, because I know I can do better, and find a woman who doesn't smoke, have piercings or tattoos, that could actually potential mother material.

Travesty said if you had a gun on your balls with a trigger on the finger, would you marry this girl, the answer was a no.

Like I said before, she was a rad girl, just had bad habits, I looked at this as logically as possible and ended our relationship on the best note possible. A mutual agreement and the end of our relationship. No bad vibes (i'm sure it might come from her at some point).

It's been almost 2 weeks, I met up with the Indian girl Tuesday for Star Wars, I was ball deeps in a trainer before seeing Star Wars again last night, I've got a stack of numbers and dates lining up next week....I don't have any regrets or guilt so far.

PS

I enjoyed reading your advice on the building foundation thread you linked to.

[AneroidOcean]

(12-23-2015 01:51 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

Like I said before, she was a rad girl, just had bad habits not that rad of a girl, I looked at this as logically as possible and ended our relationship on the best note possible. A mutual agreement and the end of our relationship. No bad vibes (i'm sure it might come from her at some point).

Fixed that above for you. You're just deluding yourself saying she was a rad girl and she just had bad habits in the same breath.

You're giving her a pussy pass even while breaking up with her.

[marty]

(12-15-2015 09:22 AM)birthday cat Wrote:  

I think one of the smartest things I guy can do is recognize when he is emotionally involved in a situation and get opinions from other guys to help me see clearly and make a logical decision. I wish I had that level of maturity in my 20s.

This. Kaotic, I think you know deep down you made the right choice because everyone in this thread suggested the same thing. There are certain situations which are damn hard to call but based on the details you had given us I think this was a unanimous no-no. Kudos to you for seeking advice here and then sticking to the decision you made based on the facts and the advice you had received.

[kaotic]

(12-23-2015 02:34 PM)AneroidOcean Wrote:  

(12-23-2015 01:51 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

Like I said before, she was a rad girl, just had bad habits not that rad of a girl, I looked at this as logically as possible and ended our relationship on the best note possible. A mutual agreement and the end of our relationship. No bad vibes (i'm sure it might come from her at some point).

Fixed that above for you. You're just deluding yourself saying she was a rad girl and she just had bad habits in the same breath.

You're giving her a pussy pass even while breaking up with her.

You're right, i need to stop that

[Engineer]

If there is any doubt then there is no doubt, DeNiro in Ronin. You made the right choice to eject, you'd be starting out already behind the 8 ball. Kids are hard. Marriage is hard. You want to stack the odds in your favor as much as possible beforehand.

[Off The Reservation]

[quote='kaotic' pid='1176733' dateline='1450896698']
[quote='redbeard' pid='1175896' dateline='1450891044']
I learned a lesson from this.


She was young and fun but not wifr material. What you said about learning is the value you take from this that never goes away and grows in importance as life goes on.

[Engineer]

If there is any doubt then there is no doubt, DeNiro in Ronin. Eject, you'd be starting out already behind the 8 ball. Kids are hard. Marriage is hard. You want to stack the odds in your favor as much as possible beforehand.

[WestIndianArchie]

It's not possible to be in a relationship and there be no doubt.

WIA

[TravelerKai]

Kaotic:

I am late to your thread, but I just have to chime in. I wrote this below in another thread a while back. It applies to you as well.

thread-44982...#pid953135

Quote:

Unless you think she is worth marrying, there is no reason to have a LTR go past 2 years. Each year past that, she will grow more bitter than you have not moved towards marriage and validating her efforts being with you. Also it's selfish of you to hold a bitch that long. Give her up to someone who can give her all that shit she wants. Family, marriage, resources, etc. Just because you know game, does not excuse selfish behavior on your part. Be more responsible with what you know. No one should string a girl along for anywhere near that long. That's too much. She shares some of the blame as well for being that fucking stupid, but you were not providing enough leadership in the first place. Once a woman spoils out, it's too late too late to fix em. Also, the fact you felt intense jealously towards her new lay, further shows how selfish you were. You knowing her parents meant nothing. You basically teased them. She needed an older and more serious man that could keep her in line.

Don't get too down on this. Next time, just learn to game being more upfront with these women and with what you want goal wise. If you do not know what you wan't, don't hold any bitches to any obligations as well. Let her go and move on.

Another thing is that I recall you saying in a previous thread you made about you getting her pregnant on accident and it ended with an abortion. You mentioned that she was a feminist but a hot one that would do what you say do. It was as if you had her under your complete and utter control. I did not believe your posts in that regard for one minute. Why? Because I fucking know better. My exwife is a card carrying ultra liberal feminist social worker. I have an ex-gf that is the same thing. Any woman even lightly identifying themselves as one, all do the same shit.

Her being a Latina means absolutely nothing. My ex-gf was a white Latina, that was sweeter than the exwife in many ways but the reason why I dumped her was for the same reason I dumped the ex wife. Lack of real submission. You say she is submissive? Bullshit brother. She is not. Never was. Never will be. Her clowning and showing out when you were talking to that Persian girl is the proof that she is not. I can get the QQ number of a Chinese girl anywhere in the world in front of my wife and she will not act like that. She knows her place, her standing with me, and is comfortable. Not only that, she will never cause me to lose face in public with any person, female or male by being disobedient. She knows her husband does business with many people and she is about MY BUSINESS, not hers. Her business does not even exist. Everything is about me.

If she knew about your fooling around then she would have told you that you can still play outside if you wanted to, if she was a legit submissive woman. You guys in the West, especially you non-religious men, have no idea what a truly submissive woman even looks like, let alone sounds like. It almost does not exist in the US. the amount truly submissive is just too low from a percentage perspective.

Your issue with herpes is another problem. Her knowing you had that problem but still sticking with you sounds like love for sure, because a woman with her head screwed on tight would not have kept you. Real talk. I'm not going to bullshit you on it. I also think your break up is not going to complete for a while either. No way you two with all that history will make a clean break. You refused to drop her after she got the abortion. Break up sex/Guilt trip sex may happen. "Hey I just wanna talk real quick, can we meet up for 10 mins?" Turns into a zombie eyed grindfest. You'll both want to vomit after you finish and she may cry right afterwards. None of your new bitches are gonna help you get over it. You basically are in the oneitis stage, whether you want to or not. Even WestIndianArchie sensed that and called it too. He said the next few months are going to be rough for you. He's telling you the truth.

Regardless of your health issues etc. you are not really the type for an LTR based upon your posts in the past. I really do see you being a perpetual player, for at least 10-15 more years. Honestly I think you really should. Most men are not ready for marriage at late 20's especially if your paper/finances are not straight. When you hit your stride in the mid to late 30's, you may be better able to make a long term decision.

In conclusion, you need to continue your growth. Stop talking about how hot she is. We've known she is an ~8 chick. So what. Take her off the pedestal mentally and emotionally. It's not about whether or not you can ever do better than her, it's about what is right for you. You dodged a baby bullet, you dodged the marriage bullet (we think), and your freedom is still available. You have done well for such a young man and the sky is still the limit. There are not many RVF members with that much rep points at your age. Shit, I cannot even think of one right now...

Chin up, chest out, and suck it up. Let her go and move on. You have delayed her long enough. Let some other guy provide for her and give her the family she needs/wants. Tell her to take a STD test, so she can get some peace of mind, and keep it moving. I won't hate on your for pulling your hand out gently, but please stay focused on what is truly important. If you feel differently that is fine because advice is just advice. It is still your life, you are a man, and you should make your own decisions on your own volition.

[redbeard]

User Gustavus Adolphus found the Beyond Borders quote I was looking for.

(04-29-2014 06:04 AM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  

(04-29-2014 05:47 AM)big poppa Wrote:  

I've been dating this girl for a while now, virgin until I was with her.. Attractive, not an amazing body but very very bangable. Very rarely drinks, doesn't smoke, her friends are all 'good girls', none of them have been with more than 1 partner at 21-22 years old. She cooks, her parents are together, she respects her father, etc. etc.

Only thing is that I'm 22, and I don't how much longer I can continue leading her on because I will not be marrying for at least 10-15 years.

Am I going to regret letting her go? Are these girls easy to find? :

As far as whether they're easy to find, where do you live?

I will say that yes, part of you will probably regret letting her go, at least sometimes.

But part of you will regret staying with her if you do too.

It's just the nature of a man.

22 is young and you've got your whole life ahead of you. You're also the same age, so that means she'll age just as fast as you will, which isn't really ideal from a man's perspective. It does suck to string them along for a long time when you're not as serious as they are too.

You could try being honest with her about the situation, but if she loves you, she'll find a way to rationalize sticking it out anyways. That's how women often work - their emotions make the decision and then they hamster it. And then she'll still blame you later when her attempts to change your mind over the years don't work.

So if you want to move on, you'll probably have to take full responsibility of cutting the cord yourself.

I guess it just depends on your goals in life. I'm sure some guys will pop in here and presume to have the answers you need, but at the end of the day, the solution for this particular scenario is something you can only decide for yourself.

[kaotic]

TK - Man this was brutal, I had to take a deep breath reading this, but thanks for the feedback.

(12-25-2015 01:55 PM)TravelerKai Wrote:  

Kaotic:

I am late to your thread, but I just have to chime in. I wrote this below in another thread a while back. It applies to you as well.

thread-44982...#pid953135

Quote:

Unless you think she is worth marrying, there is no reason to have a LTR go past 2 years. Each year past that, she will grow more bitter than you have not moved towards marriage and validating her efforts being with you. Also it's selfish of you to hold a bitch that long. Give her up to someone who can give her all that shit she wants. Family, marriage, resources, etc. Just because you know game, does not excuse selfish behavior on your part. Be more responsible with what you know. No one should string a girl along for anywhere near that long. That's too much. She shares some of the blame as well for being that fucking stupid, but you were not providing enough leadership in the first place. Once a woman spoils out, it's too late too late to fix em. Also, the fact you felt intense jealously towards her new lay, further shows how selfish you were. You knowing her parents meant nothing. You basically teased them. She needed an older and more serious man that could keep her in line.

Don't get too down on this. Next time, just learn to game being more upfront with these women and with what you want goal wise. If you do not know what you wan't, don't hold any bitches to any obligations as well. Let her go and move on.

I think you're right, noone on either side should waste that much time, especially if you think the relationship won't be going anywhere or if you have no other plans. You're absolutely right that it's selfish. With great power (game knowledge) comes great responsibility.

Quote:

Another thing is that I recall you saying in a previous thread you made about you getting her pregnant on accident and it ended with an abortion.

Correct we did end it in abortion, she loved me for riding through it and staying with her and not abandoning her, I did so because I was partially at fault obviously, but I did care of her also, I was NOT guilted into staying with her at all, I chose to.

Quote:

You mentioned that she was a feminist but a hot one that would do what you say do. It was as if you had her under your complete and utter control. I did not believe your posts in that regard for one minute. Why? Because I fucking know better. My exwife is a card carrying ultra liberal feminist social worker. I have an ex-gf that is the same thing. Any woman even lightly identifying themselves as one, all do the same shit.

She wasn't a super crazy card carrying feminist, I didn't get that out of her, I think she saw herself as "women empowrrrr ment". She never brought any arguments, she did agree with how a man (as viewed on RVF) should be in the world. She likes when a man takes control, doesn't take shit, and isn't insecure.

I suspected the same, especially with having that femi fist tattoo, actions obviously speak louder than words, I honestly didn't get that vibe, at all, none of that SJW shit was brought up. For example I told her about mattress girl and she told me that bitch should be in jail. False rape claims about Kane on the Blackhawks, she knew what was up. She said the same thing, that girl should be jailed. She thought everyone being outraged especially femmes was a joke, and it was stupid especially since they were privileged to begin with.

Quote:

Her being a Latina means absolutely nothing. My ex-gf was a white Latina, that was sweeter than the exwife in many ways but the reason why I dumped her was for the same reason I dumped the ex wife. Lack of real submission. You say she is submissive? Bullshit brother. She is not. Never was. Never will be. Her clowning and showing out when you were talking to that Persian girl is the proof that she is not. I can get the QQ number of a Chinese girl anywhere in the world in front of my wife and she will not act like that. She knows her place, her standing with me, and is comfortable. Not only that, she will never cause me to lose face in public with any person, female or male by being disobedient. She knows her husband does business with many people and she is about MY BUSINESS, not hers. Her business does not even exist. Everything is about me.

You're right, a truly submissive woman wouldn't call me out in public among friends, she'd pull me aside or wait till in private to talk about it. She would've been fine with me just saying hi to another girl. I felt like I did lose a little face, and it is my business.

Quote:

If she knew about your fooling around then she would have told you that you can still play outside if you wanted to, if she was a legit submissive woman. You guys in the West, especially you non-religious men, have no idea what a truly submissive woman even looks like, let alone sounds like. It almost does not exist in the US. the amount truly submissive is just too low from a percentage perspective.

I'd say a girl letting you bang other girls when in a marriage or LTR is very low or just doesn't exit in the states, I'd think it's almost impossible, let alone downright dangerous when married here.

Quote:

Your issue with herpes is another problem. Her knowing you had that problem but still sticking with you sounds like love for sure, because a woman with her head screwed on tight would not have kept you. Real talk. I'm not going to bullshit you on it.

So are you saying I'm now a damaged man because I have it ? That hits pretty hard man.

Yeah she did stay with me because she loves me, BUT I also rationalized it to her by saying an ex must've given it to me, because I "found out she had it later".

Are you saying I won't be able to find a good woman because of this ?

I've NEVER brought this up to anyone else, only this LTR and the forum know I have it. However, it's been over a year and it's never shown up or had any symptoms for the initial outbreak.

Quote:

I also think your break up is not going to complete for a while either. No way you two with all that history will make a clean break. You refused to drop her after she got the abortion. Break up sex/Guilt trip sex may happen. "Hey I just wanna talk real quick, can we meet up for 10 mins?" Turns into a zombie eyed grindfest. You'll both want to vomit after you finish and she may cry right afterwards. None of your new bitches are gonna help you get over it. You basically are in the oneitis stage, whether you want to or not. Even WestIndianArchie sensed that and called it too. He said the next few months are going to be rough for you. He's telling you the truth.

That makes me cringe, I don't see myself ever having sex with her again, especially since I have options.

It's not like im upset after I bang a new girl, maybe I'm a bit numb from everything. I still enjoy my time with the plates and new notches I have.

Yeah Xmas was rough alone, numbing farming got boring for a bit for me. Even maintenance texts were getting old, I took a pause from that yesterday.

Sometimes I do feel alone, even if I've banged a plate.

I did notice once thing, my sex drive with this LTR was fading, probably because I was getting excited about new plates.

It is weird, the regular phone calls, texts, snaps, being a dork. In a sense I miss that a bit, but I do remind myself about why I made this decision. Her families financial situation, smoking like a train, etc.

Quote:

Regardless of your health issues etc. you are not really the type for an LTR based upon your posts in the past. I really do see you being a perpetual player, for at least 10-15 more years. Honestly I think you really should. Most men are not ready for marriage at late 20's especially if your paper/finances are not straight. When you hit your stride in the mid to late 30's, you may be better able to make a long term decision.

I agree, most men aren't ready for marriage, even at my age. My paper might not be straight but it's growing. The thing is I enjoyed the LTR and also being a player, I did have best of both worlds. I don't mind having a low maintenance LTR, but when a woman does bring up futures (marriage/kids together), I know it's time to cut it off. Perhaps I should focus on mini LTR's which worked out great (for me at least).

I've always focused on dating younger which makes it easier to avoid the marriage/kids talk.

Quote:

In conclusion, you need to continue your growth. Stop talking about how hot she is. We've known she is an ~8 chick. So what. Take her off the pedestal mentally and emotionally. It's not about whether or not you can ever do better than her, it's about what is right for you. You dodged a baby bullet, you dodged the marriage bullet (we think), and your freedom is still available. You have done well for such a young man and the sky is still the limit. There are not many RVF members with that much rep points at your age. Shit, I cannot even think of one right now...

I've taken her off the pedestal, it was tough, but it's moving that way. I think for now yeah I absolutely dodged a bullet.

I appreciate the props TK.

Quote:

Chin up, chest out, and suck it up. Let her go and move on. You have delayed her long enough. Let some other guy provide for her and give her the family she needs/wants. Tell her to take a STD test, so she can get some peace of mind, and keep it moving. I won't hate on your for pulling your hand out gently, but please stay focused on what is truly important. If you feel differently that is fine because advice is just advice. It is still your life, you are a man, and you should make your own decisions on your own volition.

I'm letting go, and yeah, I did delay her in her quest to have kids and marriage. I believe she already got tested and does not have it. I know she was still paranoid.

We haven't talked since her text about me receiving the gifts, as shitty as that sounds most the advice about giving her one back says I shouldn't, and I'll probably stick to that. (I wanted to be a gentleman and be polite and give her one back).

I'm sure your advice would be not to get her one back.

TK I take all the advice I've gotten here on consideration, especially valued members as yourself. It does a great service to my well being, and to others who might be in a similar situation.

(12-28-2015 09:01 AM)redbeard Wrote:  

User Gustavus Adolphus found the Beyond Borders quote I was looking for.

(04-29-2014 06:04 AM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  

(04-29-2014 05:47 AM)big poppa Wrote:  

I've been dating this girl for a while now, virgin until I was with her.. Attractive, not an amazing body but very very bangable. Very rarely drinks, doesn't smoke, her friends are all 'good girls', none of them have been with more than 1 partner at 21-22 years old. She cooks, her parents are together, she respects her father, etc. etc.

Only thing is that I'm 22, and I don't how much longer I can continue leading her on because I will not be marrying for at least 10-15 years.

Am I going to regret letting her go? Are these girls easy to find? :

As far as whether they're easy to find, where do you live?

I will say that yes, part of you will probably regret letting her go, at least sometimes.

But part of you will regret staying with her if you do too.

It's just the nature of a man.

[/quote]

Even in my late 20's, Beyond is right, it IS the nature of man. Someways we might regret ending something, someday we'll be happy we did.

However, with ending something, we leave the door of opportunity open.

It's best to look forward with a positive attitude, rather than wallow in regret of something we ended, which for good reason we did.

I have no regrets with her, I enjoyed my time with her, I'm glad I decided this now, than later. For her sake, and especially mine.

We only have so much time in this world, it's best for us to use it wisely.

[Balkan]

^This is why I value this community so much. TK drops some cold hard truth and kaotic embraces it for what it is. You rarely find that level of introspection and acceptance amongst close friends and family yet we have it here on an anonymous forum. +1 for the honesty kaotic

[TravelerKai]

(12-28-2015 02:41 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

TK - Man this was brutal, I had to take a deep breath reading this, but thanks for the feedback.

(12-25-2015 01:55 PM)TravelerKai Wrote:  

Kaotic:

I am late to your thread, but I just have to chime in. I wrote this below in another thread a while back. It applies to you as well.

thread-44982...#pid953135

Quote:

Unless you think she is worth marrying, there is no reason to have a LTR go past 2 years. Each year past that, she will grow more bitter than you have not moved towards marriage and validating her efforts being with you. Also it's selfish of you to hold a bitch that long. Give her up to someone who can give her all that shit she wants. Family, marriage, resources, etc. Just because you know game, does not excuse selfish behavior on your part. Be more responsible with what you know. No one should string a girl along for anywhere near that long. That's too much. She shares some of the blame as well for being that fucking stupid, but you were not providing enough leadership in the first place. Once a woman spoils out, it's too late too late to fix em. Also, the fact you felt intense jealously towards her new lay, further shows how selfish you were. You knowing her parents meant nothing. You basically teased them. She needed an older and more serious man that could keep her in line.

Don't get too down on this. Next time, just learn to game being more upfront with these women and with what you want goal wise. If you do not know what you wan't, don't hold any bitches to any obligations as well. Let her go and move on.

I think you're right, noone on either side should waste that much time, especially if you think the relationship won't be going anywhere or if you have no other plans. You're absolutely right that it's selfish. With great power (game knowledge) comes great responsibility.

Quote:

Another thing is that I recall you saying in a previous thread you made about you getting her pregnant on accident and it ended with an abortion.

Correct we did end it in abortion, she loved me for riding through it and staying with her and not abandoning her, I did so because I was partially at fault obviously, but I did care of her also, I was NOT guilted into staying with her at all, I chose to.

Quote:

You mentioned that she was a feminist but a hot one that would do what you say do. It was as if you had her under your complete and utter control. I did not believe your posts in that regard for one minute. Why? Because I fucking know better. My exwife is a card carrying ultra liberal feminist social worker. I have an ex-gf that is the same thing. Any woman even lightly identifying themselves as one, all do the same shit.

She wasn't a super crazy card carrying feminist, I didn't get that out of her, I think she saw herself as "women empowrrrr ment". She never brought any arguments, she did agree with how a man (as viewed on RVF) should be in the world. She likes when a man takes control, doesn't take shit, and isn't insecure.

I suspected the same, especially with having that femi fist tattoo, actions obviously speak louder than words, I honestly didn't get that vibe, at all, none of that SJW shit was brought up. For example I told her about mattress girl and she told me that bitch should be in jail. False rape claims about Kane on the Blackhawks, she knew what was up. She said the same thing, that girl should be jailed. She thought everyone being outraged especially femmes was a joke, and it was stupid especially since they were privileged to begin with.

Quote:

Her being a Latina means absolutely nothing. My ex-gf was a white Latina, that was sweeter than the exwife in many ways but the reason why I dumped her was for the same reason I dumped the ex wife. Lack of real submission. You say she is submissive? Bullshit brother. She is not. Never was. Never will be. Her clowning and showing out when you were talking to that Persian girl is the proof that she is not. I can get the QQ number of a Chinese girl anywhere in the world in front of my wife and she will not act like that. She knows her place, her standing with me, and is comfortable. Not only that, she will never cause me to lose face in public with any person, female or male by being disobedient. She knows her husband does business with many people and she is about MY BUSINESS, not hers. Her business does not even exist. Everything is about me.

You're right, a truly submissive woman wouldn't call me out in public among friends, she'd pull me aside or wait till in private to talk about it. She would've been fine with me just saying hi to another girl. I felt like I did lose a little face, and it is my business.

Quote:

If she knew about your fooling around then she would have told you that you can still play outside if you wanted to, if she was a legit submissive woman. You guys in the West, especially you non-religious men, have no idea what a truly submissive woman even looks like, let alone sounds like. It almost does not exist in the US. the amount truly submissive is just too low from a percentage perspective.

I'd say a girl letting you bang other girls when in a marriage or LTR is very low or just doesn't exit in the states, I'd think it's almost impossible, let alone downright dangerous when married here.

Quote:

Your issue with herpes is another problem. Her knowing you had that problem but still sticking with you sounds like love for sure, because a woman with her head screwed on tight would not have kept you. Real talk. I'm not going to bullshit you on it.

So are you saying I'm now a damaged man because I have it ? That hits pretty hard man.

Yeah she did stay with me because she loves me, BUT I also rationalized it to her by saying an ex must've given it to me, because I "found out she had it later".

Are you saying I won't be able to find a good woman because of this ?

I've NEVER brought this up to anyone else, only this LTR and the forum know I have it. However, it's been over a year and it's never shown up or had any symptoms for the initial outbreak.

Quote:

I also think your break up is not going to complete for a while either. No way you two with all that history will make a clean break. You refused to drop her after she got the abortion. Break up sex/Guilt trip sex may happen. "Hey I just wanna talk real quick, can we meet up for 10 mins?" Turns into a zombie eyed grindfest. You'll both want to vomit after you finish and she may cry right afterwards. None of your new bitches are gonna help you get over it. You basically are in the oneitis stage, whether you want to or not. Even WestIndianArchie sensed that and called it too. He said the next few months are going to be rough for you. He's telling you the truth.

That makes me cringe, I don't see myself ever having sex with her again, especially since I have options.

It's not like im upset after I bang a new girl, maybe I'm a bit numb from everything. I still enjoy my time with the plates and new notches I have.

Yeah Xmas was rough alone, numbing farming got boring for a bit for me. Even maintenance texts were getting old, I took a pause from that yesterday.

Sometimes I do feel alone, even if I've banged a plate.

I did notice once thing, my sex drive with this LTR was fading, probably because I was getting excited about new plates.

It is weird, the regular phone calls, texts, snaps, being a dork. In a sense I miss that a bit, but I do remind myself about why I made this decision. Her families financial situation, smoking like a train, etc.

Quote:

Regardless of your health issues etc. you are not really the type for an LTR based upon your posts in the past. I really do see you being a perpetual player, for at least 10-15 more years. Honestly I think you really should. Most men are not ready for marriage at late 20's especially if your paper/finances are not straight. When you hit your stride in the mid to late 30's, you may be better able to make a long term decision.

I agree, most men aren't ready for marriage, even at my age. My paper might not be straight but it's growing. The thing is I enjoyed the LTR and also being a player, I did have best of both worlds. I don't mind having a low maintenance LTR, but when a woman does bring up futures (marriage/kids together), I know it's time to cut it off. Perhaps I should focus on mini LTR's which worked out great (for me at least).

I've always focused on dating younger which makes it easier to avoid the marriage/kids talk.

Quote:

In conclusion, you need to continue your growth. Stop talking about how hot she is. We've known she is an ~8 chick. So what. Take her off the pedestal mentally and emotionally. It's not about whether or not you can ever do better than her, it's about what is right for you. You dodged a baby bullet, you dodged the marriage bullet (we think), and your freedom is still available. You have done well for such a young man and the sky is still the limit. There are not many RVF members with that much rep points at your age. Shit, I cannot even think of one right now...

I've taken her off the pedestal, it was tough, but it's moving that way. I think for now yeah I absolutely dodged a bullet.

I appreciate the props TK.

Quote:

Chin up, chest out, and suck it up. Let her go and move on. You have delayed her long enough. Let some other guy provide for her and give her the family she needs/wants. Tell her to take a STD test, so she can get some peace of mind, and keep it moving. I won't hate on your for pulling your hand out gently, but please stay focused on what is truly important. If you feel differently that is fine because advice is just advice. It is still your life, you are a man, and you should make your own decisions on your own volition.

I'm letting go, and yeah, I did delay her in her quest to have kids and marriage. I believe she already got tested and does not have it. I know she was still paranoid.

We haven't talked since her text about me receiving the gifts, as shitty as that sounds most the advice about giving her one back says I shouldn't, and I'll probably stick to that. (I wanted to be a gentleman and be polite and give her one back).

I'm sure your advice would be not to get her one back.

TK I take all the advice I've gotten here on consideration, especially valued members as yourself. It does a great service to my well being, and to others who might be in a similar situation.

1. Plenty red flags there, but you played with the fire anyway. Lucky for you, you got away unscathed. Physically and financially at least. Emotions can be worked out. Again, if I was willing to say it aloud, I'm sure the others are thinking it. Stay away from feminists, even the Feminist Diet/Zero calorie flavors. For the love of anything sacred, don't mess with any long term either. Any activity with them is risky really. You don't see Roosh mackin and banging any. WestIndianArchie might bang one, but he is slick and a lawyer. Even then I am certain he would not handcuff one for a LTR. Know thy limits.

2. It can exist, but it would come with some stipulations I'm sure. (eg. Swinging, orgies, bi stuff, etc.) You could go abroad for the same thing without the gay stuff, but that would take some time to get set up for sure. Nothing stopping you if that is what you want (wife + mistresses). That will not be easy though.

3. I would not say that you are damaged goods, but that have a condition that would repulse many women. When I highlighted the point that she must have loved you to death to overlook that (love is irrational not rational), that is what you will have to rely on to get past that problem in the future. No more LTRs for you (more on that later). When it is time for a wife, you will have to build a bond first, educate, break down the risks and considerations, and build a plan together to work around that issue. I won't get into whether or not you need to stop rawdogging, etc. That's too far for me to dig into, but you need to build a strategy for how you want to do things now and later.

4. You cringed because you still feel for her. I said it before, new pussy won't shake that feeling off. All men feel like tossing a bitch off them after a nut. The woman you love and care for is the only exception in the world. When you get one of those, no new pussy can replicate that feeling because there has not been enough time to transpire for a new relationship to cement for you to forget the past one. Multiplying the new pussy won't do it either. If she had betrayed you in some way, like my situation or CleanSlate's situation, that would be different. You are only breaking it off because it would be better for you both, not explicitly because someone ruined the relationship to begin with. You might be a swirling mass of emotions now, but later when 3 chicks piss you off in the same week, another one flakes, you haven't had sex in weeks, let alone a good talk with anyone, your mind will flash her face. That's your money down (3rd down in football). Oneitis in terms of LTRs/STRs do not set quick like epoxy. Shit comes up later when you are most vulnerable, hence WIA's warning to you about the next few months.

Notice how you drift back and forth there? Yeah you miss her. Forget the smoking shit and nitpicky stuff. You actually loved her and love is irrational. Your sex drive drifting off and finding new girls to fuck means nothing. Even married men, madly in love with their wives, get dick swells from hot ass in a tight wool sweater dress and boots walking in downtown somewhere. That shit is not gonna stop brother! I get it all the time, even if the idea of dating an American woman is absolutely disgusting to me. You guys talk about boner test all the time. Boner is boner, no doubt. The difference is the self control/state of mind, to enjoy the sight, understand it for what it is, what it means to you and your goals, and keep it moving. Can't fuck em all, this shit isn't Pokemon. When/If you get to that stage, you will understand it on a deeper level.

5. No more LTRs for you. You better adopt a Roosh diet of ONS or something more moderate that you can handle. STR of a few weeks then NEXT. The minute they start buggin about your whereabouts, etc. and expectations for puss start to rise, cut em loose. Block the number and keep it moving. Take your abundance mentality to the next level. The main reason you don't need the LTR is because you do not need to go through this drama-coaster and your condition to explain it to a new bitch every single time. Fuck that. Keep the shit to yourself and only change course when it is time for you to truly settle down. Do some light traveling and gain some new insights into some things. You don't have to go very far. Go to Central or South America for a couple weeks or more. You already like Latinas. It would be a good exercise for your emotional and mental well being. Worst case, you get to see some nice sights.

6. Don't give her anything back. Let that scab breathe and do not reopen it. Exchanges of anything now, may be an argument later when the eventual "let's talk for 5 mins" comes up. Women are like boomerangs they always come back. Be ready to dodge that frisbee when the time comes. Don't straddle the fence because women are not good at handling that interplay. "Playing with my Emotions" stems from this. When a male RnB singer says this, they are being in touch with their feminine side, because they should have a Next mentality and not be bothered with that.

We got your back here no worries. Just make sure when I am too old, busy, or brain dead to help anyone you take up the torch. Next man up, always.

[kaotic]

(12-28-2015 07:10 PM)TravelerKai Wrote:  

1. Plenty red flags there, but you played with the fire anyway. Lucky for you, you got away unscathed. Physically and financially at least. Emotions can be worked out. Again, if I was willing to say it aloud, I'm sure the others are thinking it. Stay away from feminists, even the Feminist Diet/Zero calorie flavors. For the love of anything sacred, don't mess with any long term either. Any activity with them is risky really. You don't see Roosh mackin and banging any. WestIndianArchie might bang one, but he is slick and a lawyer. Even then I am certain he would not handcuff one for a LTR. Know thy limits.

I absolutely see and concede to this point.

Quote:

2. It can exist, but it would come with some stipulations I'm sure. (eg. Swinging, orgies, bi stuff, etc.) You could go abroad for the same thing without the gay stuff, but that would take some time to get set up for sure. Nothing stopping you if that is what you want (wife + mistresses). That will not be easy though.


3. I would not say that you are damaged goods, but that have a condition that would repulse many women. When I highlighted the point that she must have loved you to death to overlook that (love is irrational not rational), that is what you will have to rely on to get past that problem in the future. No more LTRs for you (more on that later). When it is time for a wife, you will have to build a bond first, educate, break down the risks and considerations, and build a plan together to work around that issue. I won't get into whether or not you need to stop rawdogging, etc. That's too far for me to dig into, but you need to build a strategy for how you want to do things now and later.

I PM'ed you about #3

Quote:

4. You cringed because you still feel for her. I said it before, new pussy won't shake that feeling off. All men feel like tossing a bitch off them after a nut. The woman you love and care for is the only exception in the world. When you get one of those, no new pussy can replicate that feeling because there has not been enough time to transpire for a new relationship to cement for you to forget the past one. Multiplying the new pussy won't do it either. If she had betrayed you in some way, like my situation or CleanSlate's situation, that would be different. You are only breaking it off because it would be better for you both, not explicitly because someone ruined the relationship to begin with. You might be a swirling mass of emotions now, but later when 3 chicks piss you off in the same week, another one flakes, you haven't had sex in weeks, let alone a good talk with anyone, your mind will flash her face. That's your money down (3rd down in football). Oneitis in terms of LTRs/STRs do not set quick like epoxy. Shit comes up later when you are most vulnerable, hence WIA's warning to you about the next few months.

Yeah if she had fucked me over, I'd be way more prone to be over it sooner.

One chick already pissed me off Sunday night, another just literally told me having "better texting skills, might give me more incentive to visit", another girl in town visiting drank too much and flaked last minute. Talk about frustration, but I'm not letting it get to me.

I'm trying to be weary of my actions and the way I think.

Quote:

Notice how you drift back and forth there? Yeah you miss her. Forget the smoking shit and nitpicky stuff. You actually loved her and love is irrational. Your sex drive drifting off and finding new girls to fuck means nothing. Even married men, madly in love with their wives, get dick swells from hot ass in a tight wool sweater dress and boots walking in downtown somewhere. That shit is not gonna stop brother! I get it all the time, even if the idea of dating an American woman is absolutely disgusting to me. You guys talk about boner test all the time. Boner is boner, no doubt. The difference is the self control/state of mind, to enjoy the sight, understand it for what it is, what it means to you and your goals, and keep it moving. Can't fuck em all, this shit isn't Pokemon. When/If you get to that stage, you will understand it on a deeper level.

I guess you're right about that. Bone is boner. I hope to get to that level in due time.

Quote:

5. No more LTRs for you. You better adopt a Roosh diet of ONS or something more moderate that you can handle. STR of a few weeks then NEXT. The minute they start buggin about your whereabouts, etc. and expectations for puss start to rise, cut em loose. Block the number and keep it moving. Take your abundance mentality to the next level. The main reason you don't need the LTR is because you do not need to go through this drama-coaster and your condition to explain it to a new bitch every single time. Fuck that. Keep the shit to yourself and only change course when it is time for you to truly settle down. Do some light traveling and gain some new insights into some things. You don't have to go very far. Go to Central or South America for a couple weeks or more. You already like Latinas. It would be a good exercise for your emotional and mental well being. Worst case, you get to see some nice sights.

Who knows maybe I'll have to go monk mode, maybe just spin plates and ONS. I know I'm not really ready for a mini LTR. I suppose plates are an example of that. You're right it's a must that I travel this year, and it's on the bucket list.

Quote:

6. Don't give her anything back. Let that scab breathe and do not reopen it. Exchanges of anything now, may be an argument later when the eventual "let's talk for 5 mins" comes up. Women are like boomerangs they always come back. Be ready to dodge that frisbee when the time comes. Don't straddle the fence because women are not good at handling that interplay. "Playing with my Emotions" stems from this. When a male RnB singer says this, they are being in touch with their feminine side, because they should have a Next mentality and not be bothered with that.

We got your back here no worries. Just make sure when I am too old, busy, or brain dead to help anyone you take up the torch. Next man up, always.

Yeah I've decided not to give anything back, I think she might only have a sweater here.

I'm glad you guys do have my back, and I'll most certainly always give back to the community here.

Thanks TK.[/quote]

[Beyond Borders]

Wow, what can I possibly add that hasn't been handled more than eloquently already?

I will say this.

I've had my share of skeptical moments about being associated with all you sleazy herpes-infested bastards (kidding, katoic haha), but it's threads like this that really hit home what a truly priceless resource we have here in this forum.

This group is an asset, and I honestly feel sorry for guys who are stumbling and flailing their way through life without it.

[UlteriorMotive]

I'm thankful I found this forum even though I'm not a regular poster and have not been able to bring any value to it as of yet.

Yesterday I cut things off with my LTR of 3.5 years, this thread has helped me feel better already as I was in a hole and sinking quick in under 24 hours.

[kaotic]

I thought I'd give you guys an update on how I'm doing with this and what's been going.

I haven't dwelled much on our relationship or her.

I did find out today she hopped in another relationship in just about after a month since I dumped her. Dude looks like a wannabe DJ dweeb.

Jariel called this from the get go, I didn't shatter her world, she just hopped on another dick in about a month.

(12-15-2015 02:38 AM)jariel Wrote:  

(12-15-2015 02:30 AM)kaotic Wrote:  

I already ordered a gift for her awhile back, so I'll be dropping that off at her house.

I'd keep that money and get myself something nice.

Be careful putting extras on this shit, if she doesn't have someone else already waiting in the wings, she'll have someone else handcuffed soon enough, and you'll be a distant memory.

Don't get full of yourself and think you've just shattered this chick's world.

You haven't.

She'll have new dick before you have the chance to drop off that present that you shouldn't be gifting her to begin with.

I've said it before man, pity and the game don't mix.

My pride got stung a little, but when I found out this morning, I laughed, shook my head, and said I wasn't surprised (obviously my gut sunk a bit).



Just reinforces everything I've learned from this forum, pity and the game don't mix. I never was planning on going back, but it just goes to show how females can be and how you've gotta be cold blooded.

Either way, I ended it on my terms, she made the best of it and moved on and so did I.

I reread everything on this thread to remind why I made the best choice for myself, why I dumped her, why in reality she wasn't the greatest quality girl.

Onto better endeavors.

I once again appreciate all the support and guidance I was given.

[General Stalin]

Sounds like just another dose of the Red Pill, kaotic.

They all move on, as should you. This thread is chalk full of pearls, and I commend this community for the sound advice and support to our fellow man.

Females are skilled at preying on your sensitivities. They can cause you to self-destruct you and your entire empire over the smallest shit. Being stoic and emotionally sound in times when emotions run high is a priceless virtue.

One of the biggest hurdles I see in trying to dissolve multi-year LTRs is putting the history behind you. After having been through so much together, and dedicating so much of your time, effort, and resources with someone and getting tied into their life and family most dudes find it incredibly difficult to put that down and move on. After all of that time and effort most dudes would rather try and "fix" it than throw it away.

At those times its hard to put into perspective that she is just a girl that is not right for you, and in the long run those few years of your life will be relatively insignificant to either of you down the road.

[jariel]

(02-03-2016 12:46 PM)General Stalin Wrote:  

One of the biggest hurdles I see in trying to dissolve multi-year LTRs is putting the history behind you. After having been through so much together, and dedicating so much of your time, effort, and resources with someone and getting tied into their life and family most dudes find it incredibly difficult to put that down and move on. After all of that time and effort most dudes would rather try and "fix" it than throw it away.

What you stated is so true, and it's something I've talked about in some of the RTS.

Perception can be the mother of deception.

One man perceives that his relationship has so much history, and so much has been invested, he figures staying around is the right play.

Meanwhile, another man can look from the outside and see that despite all that history and investment the man speaks of, he still has to convince himself that he should continue to be involved.

That fact, that he has to convince himself to do it, tells the entire story.

He makes a conscious decision to perceive his relationship in a positive manner, and in the process he deceives himself into believing that the right play is to stick around, fight for it, make it work, all that bullshit.

People make mistakes in relationships; people don't always agree, they don't always say or do the right thing, leaving people on a whim over trivial bullshit is Seinfeldian.

However, some of these people in these relationships have fatal character flaws and they commit fatal transgressions that the relationships can't survive from.

Most people don't have the mental fortitude to end it when the relationship is already on life support, and that's often because there are selfish motives at play, ones that stem from individual inadequacies.

I encourage those who find themselves in such a position to pull the plug; your relationship has already died, you just haven't accepted it yet.

[kaotic]

(02-03-2016 01:41 PM)jariel Wrote:  

What you stated is so true, and it's something I've talked about in some of the RTS.

Perception can be the mother of deception.

One man perceives that his relationship has so much history, and so much has been invested, he figures staying around is the right play.

Meanwhile, another man can look from the outside and see that despite all that history and investment the man speaks of, he still has to convince himself that he should continue to be involved.

That fact, that he has to convince himself to do it, tells the entire story.

He makes a conscious decision to perceive his relationship in a positive manner, and in the process he deceives himself into believing that the right play is to stick around, fight for it, make it work, all that bullshit.

People make mistakes in relationships; people don't always agree, they don't always say or do the right thing, leaving people on a whim over trivial bullshit is Seinfeldian.

However, some of these people in these relationships have fatal character flaws and they commit fatal transgressions that the relationships can't survive from.

Most people don't have the mental fortitude to end it when the relationship is already on life support, and that's often because there are selfish motives at play, ones that stem from individual inadequacies.

I encourage those who find themselves in such a position to pull the plug; your relationship has already died, you just haven't accepted it yet.

In my gut I was already questioning things, I thought I'd lay it all out there for the forum to see (plus making it a valuable thread and lesson for guys in LTR's that are DOA)

My gut was telling me to end the LTR, I needed confirmation from the forum and an outside perspective.

Yes I perceived things in a positive manner but began digging deep into what she's really about, when truth was dropped about red flags, being laughed at of the thought I claimed my woman was feminine, etc.

All that put me in check, made me realize, stop making her look in a good LTR light, when she doesn't really deserve it.

I harbor no anger or bad feelings of her jumping into a new relationship, more of a "figured, nothing surprises me anymore". Makes it very easy to move on.

Thank you Jariel, someday we'll meet and talk over a beer.

[OneEyedMonk]

@ Kaotic.

It's a good look for a high repped member to display such an intimate phase of his life.

It's eerie how my story mirrors yours.
-LTR in the ~2year category.
-Things get rocky, I'm second guessing things, whether to end it or go in harder.
-I end it in mid December.
-A couple dark weeks follow in the aftermath. (Christmas & New Years were seriously lonely)
-2 bangs later, I feel like my head is finally above water & I can breathe again.
-My LTR is already listed as single on Badoo (lol, she reactivated her account before I did, go figure)
-Life goes on.

Many men have been broken by situations like this.
They find themselves knighting up.
Doubling their efforts, lapping up female solipsism, making excuses for her behaviour.
Being quarantined off sex. & agreeing with it.
Only to get ditched later when she's ready to parachute onto some new cock.

An older version of me would have (& has) fallen victim to the end of a relationship grinding.

Jariel is completely right, we must be pragmatic in these times.
At the beginning of every interaction with a woman we must repeat the boxing referees mantra:
Protect yourself at all times."

Game is the great equaliser.

[churros]

I find myself in a similar situation to the OP. Before I begin, I must express my admiration for threads like this.

My primary LTR has lasted four years. In this time, I have been getting strange on the side, as we often live in different countries. But now we are approaching late twenties, and she wants to take the next step. I would agree in principle, because our existing arrangement works. But the problem is: she wants children in the future.

I spent a lot of time looking over Kaotic’s post and comparing our situation. Many of these red flags aren’t shared. Suffice to say, she won’t be happy if the strange is found out. But otherwise, she is educated, motivated, and comes from a stable family. Being with her would make my life easier.

But taking this path would undermine my independence. I also can’t picture myself ever being happy with a child, even if she were to stay at home. On the other hand, perhaps this is just token resistance that everyone experiences before taking the plunge. And there are good reasons to stick around.

What do you guys think?

[kaotic]

(03-25-2016 03:35 PM)churros Wrote:  

I find myself in a similar situation to the OP. Before I begin, I must express my admiration for threads like this.

My primary LTR has lasted four years. In this time, I have been getting strange on the side, as we often live in different countries. But now we are approaching late twenties, and she wants to take the next step. I would agree in principle, because our existing arrangement works. But the problem is: she wants children in the future.

I spent a lot of time looking over Kaotic’s post and comparing our situation. Many of these red flags aren’t shared. Suffice to say, she won’t be happy if the strange is found out. But otherwise, she is educated, motivated, and comes from a stable family. Being with her would make my life easier.

But taking this path would undermine my independence. I also can’t picture myself ever being happy with a child, even if she were to stay at home. On the other hand, perhaps this is just token resistance that everyone experiences before taking the plunge. And there are good reasons to stick around.

What do you guys think?

You'd probably have to give us more detailed stats.

A little background on the girl and her family, age, religion, ethnicity, job, etc.

Same with you.

Four years and different is a very very stretched LTR to begin with.

Give us some more details.