[mickeytee]

I've been in university for two weeks. Feels like I've been here for a year, which partly means I'm slowing down a bit, which isn't a good thing. I followed Mark Manson's Approach Program earnestly for the first week, but started being more meek when the actual approaching and talking to girls started.

I approached a handful of girls and tried holding short conversations. Today I met one of the girls I approached the first day, she's in psychology and we talked about that for a while. We spent over 2 hours together waiting for this big Bollywood movie star who came to our university today to promote his new movie (Akshay Kumar, for those who're aware... Jacqueline Fernandez and Siddharth Malhotra were with him too).

We didn't get to see him through the crowd though, it went batshit crazy right as he walked in. I saw some videos of him later.

I then had dinner at the mess with her and a few of her friends. They were talking in Hindi, and me not being that good at it made it difficult to stay with what they were saying most of the time. I see guys who're definitely much less attractive than I am with pretty girls on campus quite frequently, but I'm very withdrawn, and despite being Indian don't know how to fit in, which is seriously debilitating. Maybe I'll learn how to be attractive without fitting in, but right now I am where I am... an alien to Indian culture who sometimes comes off as being pretentious.

I also felt like I had to be cool all the time and impress her with something, I tried telling myself that this is exactly the kind of needy behaviour I need to learn how to overcome, but the loudness of my subconscious's anxiety drowned out my inner monologue most of the time.

Nothing happened, I don't know how to move forward, but she's definitely into me. It felt kind of weird because her friends were with us and I just know that they were talking about it behind our backs.

But anyway, today evening felt good and I'll start approaching girls with re-kindled vigour again.

[kaotic]

First off welcome to the forum, you'll meet a few brown brothers on here like me, I suggest checking out some of the threads:

Player's Log/Lounge is great for gents talking about day to day experiences.

I Just Had Sex Thread is pretty obvious, logging notches, some great detailed reports from meet to bang.

Inside The Prejudices of an Indian Man Use this thread to better understand yourself and rid yourself of any shackles you may have as an Indian man.

These are just starters start clicking on more game threads, there is ALOT to learn on here.

(08-10-2015 11:07 AM)mickeytee Wrote:  

I see guys who're definitely much less attractive than I am with pretty girls on campus quite frequently, but I'm very withdrawn, and despite being Indian don't know how to fit in, which is seriously debilitating. Maybe I'll learn how to be attractive without fitting in, but right now I am where I am... an alien to Indian culture who sometimes comes off as being pretentious.

Be like those guys, watch how they act with those girls, it doesn't matter if their good looking or not. YOU can improve yourself on a few levels, clothing, attitude, facial/head hair, etc

Indian has nothing to do with it, why fit in ? Stand out ! Dude I'm as white washed as they come, you know the "American Born Confused Desi" AKA ABCD. I've had some great successes.

You need to stop looking it at is a nationality/race thing and look at it at a more personal level, aka your looks, mindset and game skills.

If you feel alienated from Indian girls, well then go for other kinds of girls then, it's pretty simple.

Quote:

I also felt like I had to be cool all the time and impress her with something, I tried telling myself that this is exactly the kind of needy behaviour I need to learn how to overcome, but the loudness of my subconscious's anxiety drowned out my inner monologue most of the time.

Nothing happened, I don't know how to move forward, but she's definitely into me. It felt kind of weird because her friends were with us and I just know that they were talking about it behind our backs.

But anyway, today evening felt good and I'll start approaching girls with re-kindled vigour again.

You don't NEED to be cool and impress her, you should JUST BE cool all the time.

As in that should be your persona to begin with, aka "the most interesting man in the world".

Be cool, calm, casual, be exciting, have stories, travel, etc.

If you don't workout, start, it helps lower anxiety levels, boost your Test levels.

How do you know they were talking about you behind their backs ? It shouldn't matter, fuck them.

How do you know she's into ? What kind of signs is she showing ? What does she say ?

These things are important.

[Travesty]

A key to coming off as less pretentious and more charming is give a great deal of effort in looking for the interesting things and experiences anyone has to offer no matter how small. Take more time before writing people off for good (although that is an extremely important skill in life).

Pretentiousness is about being into yourself in front of others. Charming is about being into other people in front of others and making both them and you look good at the same time.

[mickeytee]

@ kaotic - Thanks for the welcome. To clarify, I was born in India and am in India right now, which makes me IBCD. Very briefly, I'm not good at Hindi because I grow up in a state where it isn't the prevalent language, and I'm not at ease with Indian culture because I spent too much time on the internet and away from people.

I actually started going to the gym last week. I assume she was into me because we she was actively participating in our conversation and asking stuff about me. But then again it could be a platonic thing. She stayed with me even when her friends were going away. I saw her with her friends in the library today but didn't go up to them (partly cause I wanted to study, partly cause I was uncomfortable).

As for looks, travel, having stories... I'm going out on the weekends to markets and trying on clothes to try to get a feel for fit, fabrics and quality. It's the first month of college and I don't feel in control of my wallet right now. I want to save up and buy good stuff, try to find a source of income somehow while I'm at it... thanks for all the pointers!

@travesty : Thanks for that, I'll keep it in mind. I'm reading Carnegie's book and it says pretty much the same thing. I'll have to learn look for things that make people feel good about themselves and show genuine appreciation, starting with my guy friends and people I'm not sexually attracted to.

I didn't approach any girls today. I had two solid opportunities I passed up. I'm at the point where I have to make direct approaches, but it still makes me really nervous. I'll do 5 to 10 indirect approaches and hold short conversations before moving on to direct, I've been stagnating recently and have lost momentum.

[mickeytee]

It's been quite a while since I fired up the forum or approached any new girls even. But I approached one today. This time was different in that I actually ended up convincing myself after much deliberation, which I've never succeeded in doing before, either I approach right away or wait till the girl's gone.

I'd made up my mind that I wasn't going to, that I'd missed the chance already. I was in the library and the girl in the study cubicle next to me asked me if we could swap places because the power outlet in her's was broken. She was tall(er than me probably), and is one of those smart girls who dress well. I come across very few girls who actually take interest in anything except classes and their life and social circle in college.

So we swapped places, and after a few minutes had passed I realized I was an idiot not to talk to her further. I decided I should, but sat there crippled with my heart humping my sternum at 120 bpm.

I mentally soothed, screamed at, and reasoned with myself for about 10 minutes, closing my eyes taking deep breaths, visualizing the worst rejection possible like Roosh suggests, imagining a future where I'm friends with her, and a parallel one where I'm similarly paralyzed and regretful of not having taken action in the past. Then I took a trip to the toilet, returned to my cubicle, and finally just stood up and said to her "Hey, this cubicle's pretty small.... I feel cheated"

She stares at me.

"... you could at least tell me your name"

And we had a conversation! I ended it after three minutes or so and sat back down, my ears warm, gorged with blood.

Fuck it, I'm going to do a 100 approaches. No program or book is going to help me until I get the exposure, and I believe this will not only help me with my AA but increase my confidence in speaking with girls, allowing me to try having deeper conversations, and taking them to a more sexual direction. In the beginning I thought 100 approaches was too much and was doing a program which moved faster, but I let the program be a crutch - I didn't have the confidence to do what it demanded, and I wouldn't repeat the earlier, less scary approach objectives "because I'd already done them".

Now I'll just approach whenever I think there's an opportunity open, and adjust my objectives for my next approaches according to what I feel is challenging enough but doable.

[LA Savage]

(12-07-2015 07:05 AM)mickeytee Wrote:  

So we swapped places, and after a few minutes had passed I realized I was an idiot not to talk to her further. I decided I should, but sat there crippled with my heart humping my sternum at 120 bpm.

I mentally soothed, screamed at, and reasoned with myself for about 10 minutes, closing my eyes taking deep breaths, visualizing the worst rejection...

She stares at me.

"... you could at least tell me your name"

And we had a conversation! I ended it after three minutes or so and sat back down, my ears warm, gorged with blood.

Fuck it...

Yup that pretty much sums up Approach Anxiety.

It's a Fight or Flight situation.
Either your gonna get the adrenaline rush to do it and feel like superman, or you are going to get a crippling spasm preventing you from taking action as if you just shitted in your pants, and then just lay there helpless like a baby.

Fuck Yeah bro I am very proud of you for coming to your senses.

Her name was Opportunity and you didn't miss it this time.

Rejection Ain't Shit, Embrace it.

I like how you are motivated now to do more approaches. Please continue to follow up with your thread as this is great stuff and will definitely inspire others. The more exposure you get to approaching the easier it will become and you will be more relaxed and having fun.

Good Shit bro, Keep it Up.

[mickeytee]

Thanks for the encouragement LA

I had my first rejection today. We have our endsem exams now so I'm mostly in the library. I made eye contact with a girl twice, she's a friend of an acquaintance. After a while I went up and sat down across from her.

"Hey! You're XX's friend right -extends hand- I'm Mickey"

-without moving- "Umm, what do you want?"

Now at this point I should have just said I wanted to get acquainted with her but I freaked out and went

"Nothing! I'm just taking a break from working so..." -shows pomodoro app on phone- -facepalm-

"I'm sorry I have to study for an exam I have tomorrow"

"Chemistry?"

"Yeah"

And she goes to a cubicle after a while as I sit there with my face buried in my phone.

Oh well.

[mickeytee]

Approach #3

I'd just come out of the gym at around 5 after a crappy workout. Had nothing but a packet of milk in the morning, skipped lunch because of two exams back to back. Weights felt heavier than ever and I struggled to remain conscious while lifting.

Meandered into Arcadia which is right next to the gym - an arcade where time wasters like to "chill" and blow money with their honeys. There's bowling alleys, a jam room, pool tables, a place to eat.


Lol, I give way too much shit about the posts I'm about to make here.

I noticed two girls in the cafe. Rather plain, one of them's in BSc Physics and we share the same physics lab. There was noone else there. I went and sat a little ways from them, ordered a club sandwich and waited wayyy too long. Halway through my food I took the tray in one hand, shouldered my rather huge backpack and walked up and said

"Mind if I join you guys?"

They couldn't hear me, and my voice was hollow and phlegmy from exhaustion. I had to repeat the same question four times with the tray of half eaten sandwiches and my huge backpack like an idiot. I sat down but they were none too excited and neither was I.

"I'm Mickey" -fistbump the Physics girl-

"I'm XX"

"And you?"

"XX"

"I've seen you before you know? We share the same lab"

"Really..."

"Yeah, you know XX?"

"Um, I don't think so"

"No! you do...

She recalls after much deliberation

"And XX? Our rooms were next to each other when I was in the H-7 dorm. He's in your batch.."

They're close friends but she doesn't figure out who cause I said the wrong name.

Much boredom and awkwardness ensues. They leave and I finish my sandwich and drag myself to the library.

So, I was tired and wasn't really into it. Plus I kind of pre-judged them to be boring in my head, and wasn't paying attention to conversational leads at all. Dull attitude spoils everything.

There was also this really hot french girl who goes to the gym. The only Caucasian girl on the whole campus. Perfect body tone, lovely rump, she was lifting weights this evening. Missed the chance to introduce myslef to her, but I'll talk to her some day.

Btw, I'm trying to dress better. Would love some suggestions. Last month was the first time I got clothes on my own. Here's what I'm wearing today.


That's a Chinese woolen thing my mom got for me and pastel blue trousers from a local place in my hometown. Just under thirty dollars combined. For winter I've got a cobalt hoodie from UCB which fits well and was 40$. A grey cardigan (20$) and a maroon leather jacket (45$) which fits well and is actually pretty cool. They have some huge showrooms with stuff from China back in my state. The local stuff I've seen in Delhi so far sucks and it's the same brands everywhere in malls...

I'm broke and I don't like taking money from my parents. When/if I succeed in my plans to rendezvous to a college in Germany next year, I'll earn some money and buy a good blazer and winter coat.

[kaotic]

Dude if I were you I'd immediately delete your pictures - that last thing you need is to expose yourself on this forum.

If not request Roosh to remove your picture.

No homo - get your eyebrows touched up and put hair styler or cut your hair a different style. (if you can afford it)

[civpro]

Are you Tamil? Or from the north east?

[Oz.]

Since you posted your picture I take it you are open to criticism..

1. Get a job on campus as soon as you can

2. Let me help you out with your style... first of all lose that horrible haircut, you have a squared shaped head so something along these lines would suit you nicely



Since you are hitting the gym drop your body fat down a bit it will help your cheek bones stand out and make you look more masculine. Please do something about your eyebrows those things are scary.



Don't curve them too much or you will look like a phaggot but do trim them down. Your clothes are pretty bad, is it cold where you live? If so you have so many more options. SHOP ONLINE, this is something casual and nice you can aim for in college



I can't think of anything else right now ask if you have more questions, good luck bro.

[civpro]

^^ I don't know where you get off saying his eyebrows are "scary". There's nothing wrong with them. And yes, he could get a new haircut and new threads, but I don't think they're "horrible" or "bad" in the context either. Overall I don't believe that his biggest problem is appearance, actually.

[kaotic]

Any edge helps, we're giving him everything we think can help him.

OBVIOUSLY game is a very large component of that. He's starting to approach, that's a start.

[Oz.]

(12-10-2015 06:34 PM)civpro Wrote:  

^^ I don't know where you get off saying his eyebrows are "scary". There's nothing wrong with them. And yes, he could get a new haircut and new threads, but I don't think they're "horrible" or "bad" in the context either. Overall I don't believe that his biggest problem is appearance, actually.

I don't get off anywhere, he's asking for advice. If you sugar coat everything people will never learn. Sure his appearance might not be his biggest problem but if he lived where I live no one would take him seriously with the way he looks. Improving one aspect of course doesn't help if all others are lacking.

[civpro]

(12-10-2015 07:29 PM)Oz. Wrote:  

if he lived where I live no one would take him seriously with the way he looks.

And why's that?

[mickeytee]

Thanks for the feedback guys.

@civpro: North east people look asian. I'm Bengali so, east.

@kaotic, oz: I do tweeze my eyebrows (often till they're a bit phaggy...) just got lazy the last month or so.
Every third moron and rickshaw puller in Delhi has an undercut, so I got a layered sides short, mid-front long sorta cut a week or two ago, but due to zero styling or application of product, it looks like this. Will take care of that.
I'll lower my calorie intake when I gain some mass, only 146 lbs now. 10-15 more pounds to go. Doing StrongLifts 5x5 for two months.

The situation's a little different here. There are no campus jobs for students. And the campus is kind of isolated from the city, some stupid idea Indian puritanical University planners have that sheltering students from "distractions" will turn them into the perfect bookworms Indian parents get wet over. I'll try to find some other ways to earn, but I don't know where to start looking. Online maybe.