Quote: (12-17-2014 06:53 PM)Sonoma Wrote:
I'm on the younger end of life and I've noticed that a lot of people promote settling down when older for someone much younger. Im interested in doing this myself, however-
1. How do you manage quality company without sacrificing looks? Even at my current state, I find myself settling for 6-7 because I enjoy their company more than a bitchy 9. (I'm an average looking guy myself)
This is exactly what game is for.
The TL;DR version is that you do not SETTLE for a girl that's merely hot. She has to have good behavior as well as the two of you have to work well together.
But clear up some misconceptions first
-
how attractive a girl is has nothing to do with how nice she is. A cute girl can be a bitch, and a stunner can be sweet as pie.
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how nice she is has nothing to do with whether the two of you make a good couple. A chick that is sweet as pie, might not actually be good for you. A chick that's always pleasing you might not have much of a personality, and you will grow to resent her kindness. You may see her kindness as weakness and take advantage of her. Sure you say you won't, but you will. Power corrupts. It's why chicks are often so rotten to their orbiters.
IKE says this beautifully above, but
men overvalue attractiveness.
They want a pretty chick so bad that they're willing to put up with
1) her poor behavior as well as
2) personality mismatches.
A guy that is just getting good with game can land these beautiful women, but he doesn't yet have the backbone to cut a hot chick loose.
"She'll change"
"She'll calm down"
"I'll lead by example and she'll mirror me"
Which then becomes
"It's just the one thing"
"I'll compromise, nobody's perfect"
To finally
"I hope that bitch ain't there when I get home"
{Almost paradoxically, you're ability to jettison pretty trash makes you even more attractive. If people know this externally, that pushes you up the scale. More importantly is the internal change. A fine chick can start acting up at the ice cream parlor, and that voice in your head reminds you that you've had better - and you start putting a chick in her place}
Part of the reason is that even though you pulled this chick, you think game is a bunch of tricks, and you really got lucky - so you hold on tight. Most guys, even when game works for them, still have a bit of game denialism left in em.
But if this is where you are, you can have that relationship with a hot chick that you've always wanted, but the clock is ticking. At first you were shutting down her tests, but now that you're an item, you are not doing it as much. As we say in the trade, "slacking on your pimping". Once she starts to win more tests, the seed has been planted. Maybe not now, probably later - you're losing that thing that made you so attractive in the 1st place.
So the solution to the cute girl vs the hot girl is that
- date more girls - you'll experience the lack of correlation between personality/behavior and attractiveness.
- always date multiple girls so that you can compare and contrast
- ask yourself if you would be having this dumb conversation, doing a stupid activity, or feeling a certain kind of way if the chick wasn't this attractive.
When you've got your dime piece in the sack, or on your arm at a function - you're on top of the world. When you're at home though, when you find out she'll eat your food but not help you with the dishes, BE STRONG and tell that chick where she's fucking up. And if she doesn't comply - cut that bitch off.
The strange thing about a sexual/romantic relationship is that a chick often wants/needs honest feedback out of the sack. You have to have boundaries and stick to your guns, early on, every day, and all day.
It sounds easy. But believe me, you will cave if she gets mad enough, if she pouts enough, or when she starts crying. When she makes a mistake, you call her on it, a chick will start to cry which will make you want to console her.
Her mistake then becomes, "I'm always fucking up. I'm not good enough for you"
And if you fall for that shit enough
1) she doesn't change her initial behavior,
2) she has a new tool to manipulate you with - something that you wouldn't stoop to
Cutting a chick off is infinitely easier if you've got a few on deck.
And by on deck, you're actively fucking them, not just prospects. It gives you the ability to act on your intentions, instead of melting when she offers a blowie in exchange for her poor behavior.
Believe me, I don't care how hot she is, you're going to get tired of fucking her, of putting up with her shit. There has to be value past her attractiveness, past her sex. That's in her behavior and with what the two of you create together.
This post connects with the Red Flags post.
Quote: (12-17-2014 06:53 PM)Sonoma Wrote:
2. How do you enjoy the company of someone younger than you? While I love banging 18 year olds, I cant stand them. When I'm 40, I feel like this issue is going to be even worse.
You can only talk to her and see her side of it. Whatever "it" is
- music
- art
- politics
I notice that most game/pua sites are all about changing a girl's mind, ignoring her stuff, or finding clever ways to change the topic. Useful skills, but not always helpful.
A chick talking about her stupid ex needs to be deaded.
A chick talking about some stupid band is different. I"m not saying you need to start bumping "One Direction". Nor am I saying you need to listen to her and then make some personal algorithmic suggestion (Oh you like J.Cole, why not try Big L)
You've got to listen to a chick gush or glow about something and enjoy that youthful energy. ..
The other thing to keep in mind is that the sexual relationship is odd
- friends
- sex partners
- parenting
Even in the context of an Fuck Buddy situation, there are elements of those three core relationships between the two of you.
Friends is common ground and willing to accept differences and still remain friends
Sex is self explanatory
Parenting - caring for the chick and rule/boundary setting on your side. The same thing happens on her side. She cares for you, but she also sets boundaries. The difference is that a woman will more easily walk away from a situation than a man, and that's partly because there's another you 5 minutes away. (another reason to spin plates)
If you throw age and experience into the mix, your rule setting can come off parental.
So when you're with your young chick, you've got to enjoy her, go into her world, bring her into yours. There's going to be an experience gap and interest gap. Rather than be annoyed by it, enjoy it for what it is.
Quote: (12-17-2014 06:53 PM)Sonoma Wrote:
3. I'm assuming a lot of people are going to say look overseas- so my question to that is, how do you find a connection with someone who has had a very different background than you? I've personally found girls who grew up differently than I did bothersome (example: I found a girl who was disgusted at the idea of using public transportation- daddy had always paid for a car). I'd imagine girls overseas are less entitled, but I still feel like there'd be a culture clash.
Has anyone ever dealt with this personally?
You don't need to go overseas to deal with a huge culture gap. Dating a chick from a different race or a different socio-economic class can be huge.
Dating a foreign born and raised chick in the US will bring those much bigger issues to bear. A prime example of this is how important is family.
Americans tend to be very atomized. You might talk to your parents regularly, once a week/month for guys, every day for girls. But chicks from different cultures might talk to extended family daily. Which means they're bringing her family drama into your daily life.
It means a quiet weekend with just the two of you can get interrupted by an emergency barbecue session because her cousins are in town, and they love the way you make chicken
Expressions, TV Shows, music and other cultural touch stones you may not share.
I've had GF's from all over. My Russian Ex, when dealing with her Russian Family or her Russian friends was a totally different person than when she dealt with her American friends. Her voice changed for one. Confidence in speech increased. Being West Indian, there were parts of her that I would never get to see, experience, or enjoy.
And there was plenty of culture clash. What foods went together, how to view strangers, the point of religion.
It's either a challenge or an opportunity.
WIA