[Vacancier Permanent]

Wedo,
What's wrong with these guys? Lack of funds? Too old? Physically deformed and paraplegic?

[Global Entry]

Its an interesting discussion (/patsownback).

Which countries does age matter least, as far as the difference in the age alone is unimportant (and I'm not talking about a situation where age doesn't matter because money does matter).

I always had the sense that in EE, girls actually wanted older guys. Bulgaria seemed that (Czech Republic, not so much). Also I thought in the Phils that there was some preference for older men for younger women. My gal (Chinese) told me that the ideal age difference is 15 years (we're almost exactly 15 years apart, so perhaps she's gaming me). I think preferring the age difference is a bit of an old fashioned ideal.

What does everyone else think?

[ohionukes]

"I don't pay escorts for sex. I pay them to leave." - Charlie Sheen

I have never paid for sex - directly that is. We all pay in some fashion - dinner, drinks, movies, listening to her talk for hours and pretending we actually give a shit, etc. There has been more than one time I would have loved to just give a chick $40 to go home so I could get a decent nights sleep, or better yet, to try to score a late night booty call. I am still working to eradicate my beta tendencies of feeling bad when I rush them out the door after I have emptied my prostate.

But seriously - from an economics point of view, there is a case to be made for p4p. Time is money. My value at work is around $600/hr. It would make more economical sense for me to just hire an escort than spent hours online, day game, night game, "fill in the blank" game. But, for me, the thrill of the chase is what drives me, almost more than the actual catch.

[ohionukes]

edited.

[Global Entry]

Your economic argument to me is based on a proposition with which I don't agree. If you're going to re duce it to an economic equation then you have to give the sex an economic value as well. Since clearly you don't use prostitutes you devalue that experience. And so the value of the sex that was gamed is clearly higher than p4p and that has to be part of your equation.

All this said I do agree that in many circumstances men are paying. Not in all situations to be sure but in too many to count there is a trade off that includes many elements and some have an undeniable financial value. Certainly we can point out exceptions to this but they just prove the rule.

[TravelerKai]

(10-11-2014 11:12 AM)Global Entry Wrote:  

Its an interesting discussion (/patsownback).

Which countries does age matter least, as far as the difference in the age alone is unimportant (and I'm not talking about a situation where age doesn't matter because money does matter).

I always had the sense that in EE, girls actually wanted older guys. Bulgaria seemed that (Czech Republic, not so much). Also I thought in the Phils that there was some preference for older men for younger women. My gal (Chinese) told me that the ideal age difference is 15 years (we're almost exactly 15 years apart, so perhaps she's gaming me). I think preferring the age difference is a bit of an old fashioned ideal.

What does everyone else think?

In China, ideal age gap is not necessarily cut and dry in a number like 15. For example, Chinese commonly believe that a Chinese girl's perfect age to get married is 20-24 and that the husband should be 27-28. That's what they would call perfect or ideal. That said, after 28 it goes up to 35 to still be acceptable/good for a girl at 20-24. A girl older than 25/26, then no really one cares how old that guy is. Even more so if the guy is a high earner or successful business man. Remember everything is about face in China. Always look for the face angle. In fact, I would say no one cares when famous Chinese guys marry 20 year old girls after a divorce or whatever. In a Chinese person's mind, that person deserves that because of his power/wealth/guanxi. Chinese men actually look down on older guys with birds older than what they should be. If they think you picked well, they will have big smiles and put their hand on your shoulder and give a compliment.

She is probably smart enough to know that age gaps in the West is touchy stuff and is trying to help you feel more comfortable about it. How she knows that? I hope it's not because you fretted over that in front of her somehow. If it is not too late, you need to make sure she understands that you expect a 20 year old girl if you wanted one and that she knows that she can be easily replaced. That is high level game that must be put in from day 1 or asap to keep things in the order expected. Probably do not need that, but it never hurts. Always walk tall like the local men do and demand face in the same way they would expect that.

[Global Entry]

Kai, I appreciate the general wisdom, but don't assume too much.

I didn't say there is a cut and dry ideal age gap is, so a reply that its not necessarily cut and dry.... no one said it was.

She and I have had zero discussions about age in general as an obstacle or anything like that, and she mentioned the age gap being ideal quite a while ago. It wasn't defensive, it was more a cheery thought to her, like aren't we perfect together. I can't even imagine why I'd worry about such a thing, particularly when its a buyers market and I look quite a bit younger than my age to most Chinese anyway (if not to Americans).

(10-11-2014 12:56 PM)TravelerKai Wrote:  

(10-11-2014 11:12 AM)Global Entry Wrote:  

Its an interesting discussion (/patsownback).

Which countries does age matter least, as far as the difference in the age alone is unimportant (and I'm not talking about a situation where age doesn't matter because money does matter).

I always had the sense that in EE, girls actually wanted older guys. Bulgaria seemed that (Czech Republic, not so much). Also I thought in the Phils that there was some preference for older men for younger women. My gal (Chinese) told me that the ideal age difference is 15 years (we're almost exactly 15 years apart, so perhaps she's gaming me). I think preferring the age difference is a bit of an old fashioned ideal.

What does everyone else think?

In China, ideal age gap is not necessarily cut and dry in a number like 15. For example, Chinese commonly believe that a Chinese girl's perfect age to get married is 20-24 and that the husband should be 27-28. That's what they would call perfect or ideal. That said, after 28 it goes up to 35 to still be acceptable/good for a girl at 20-24. A girl older than 25/26, then no really one cares how old that guy is. Even more so if the guy is a high earner or successful business man. Remember everything is about face in China. Always look for the face angle. In fact, I would say no one cares when famous Chinese guys marry 20 year old girls after a divorce or whatever. In a Chinese person's mind, that person deserves that because of his power/wealth/guanxi. Chinese men actually look down on older guys with birds older than what they should be. If they think you picked well, they will have big smiles and put their hand on your shoulder and give a compliment.

She is probably smart enough to know that age gaps in the West is touchy stuff and is trying to help you feel more comfortable about it. How she knows that? I hope it's not because you fretted over that in front of her somehow. If it is not too late, you need to make sure she understands that you expect a 20 year old girl if you wanted one and that she knows that she can be easily replaced. That is high level game that must be put in from day 1 or asap to keep things in the order expected. Probably do not need that, but it never hurts. Always walk tall like the local men do and demand face in the same way they would expect that.

[Lizard King]

(10-09-2014 05:17 PM)TravelerKai Wrote:  

My back hurts as I type this even. Anyone with circumstances like mine, better get their shit in order faster than the dudes you see around you. I'm talking to busted up former athletes here.

Slightly off topic, but have you considered yoga, or maybe tai-chi?

I used to do a very physical construction job in my late 20s(I'm 41 now). If it was a professional sport our bosses would have supplied us with physios and other injury preventing practices. In my 30s I would often get terrible pains in my back, sometimes from just lifting a kettle. I'm not as regular with it as I should be, but yoga has helped me a great deal, and I never get pains in my back anymore.

[TravelerKai]

(10-11-2014 01:00 PM)Global Entry Wrote:  

Kai, I appreciate the general wisdom, but don't assume too much.

I didn't say there is a cut and dry ideal age gap is, so a reply that its not necessarily cut and dry.... no one said it was.

She and I have had zero discussions about age in general as an obstacle or anything like that, and she mentioned the age gap being ideal quite a while ago. It wasn't defensive, it was more a cheery thought to her, like aren't we perfect together. I can't even imagine why I'd worry about such a thing, particularly when its a buyers market and I look quite a bit younger than my age to most Chinese anyway (if not to Americans).

(10-11-2014 12:56 PM)TravelerKai Wrote:  

(10-11-2014 11:12 AM)Global Entry Wrote:  

Its an interesting discussion (/patsownback).

Which countries does age matter least, as far as the difference in the age alone is unimportant (and I'm not talking about a situation where age doesn't matter because money does matter).

I always had the sense that in EE, girls actually wanted older guys. Bulgaria seemed that (Czech Republic, not so much). Also I thought in the Phils that there was some preference for older men for younger women. My gal (Chinese) told me that the ideal age difference is 15 years (we're almost exactly 15 years apart, so perhaps she's gaming me). I think preferring the age difference is a bit of an old fashioned ideal.

What does everyone else think?

In China, ideal age gap is not necessarily cut and dry in a number like 15. For example, Chinese commonly believe that a Chinese girl's perfect age to get married is 20-24 and that the husband should be 27-28. That's what they would call perfect or ideal. That said, after 28 it goes up to 35 to still be acceptable/good for a girl at 20-24. A girl older than 25/26, then no really one cares how old that guy is. Even more so if the guy is a high earner or successful business man. Remember everything is about face in China. Always look for the face angle. In fact, I would say no one cares when famous Chinese guys marry 20 year old girls after a divorce or whatever. In a Chinese person's mind, that person deserves that because of his power/wealth/guanxi. Chinese men actually look down on older guys with birds older than what they should be. If they think you picked well, they will have big smiles and put their hand on your shoulder and give a compliment.

She is probably smart enough to know that age gaps in the West is touchy stuff and is trying to help you feel more comfortable about it. How she knows that? I hope it's not because you fretted over that in front of her somehow. If it is not too late, you need to make sure she understands that you expect a 20 year old girl if you wanted one and that she knows that she can be easily replaced. That is high level game that must be put in from day 1 or asap to keep things in the order expected. Probably do not need that, but it never hurts. Always walk tall like the local men do and demand face in the same way they would expect that.

The way you worded that sentence appeared to say that she was suggesting what the ideal age gap of couples for Chinese preference would be (15 years). Which it is not exactly that simple, which I have already explained why. If that was not the case and she was suggesting that as her own personal ideal preference, that should have been indicated as such instead. That's the only reason why I explained that in that way.

[Global Entry]

No harm no foul.

[TravelerKai]

(10-11-2014 03:00 PM)Lizard King Wrote:  

(10-09-2014 05:17 PM)TravelerKai Wrote:  

My back hurts as I type this even. Anyone with circumstances like mine, better get their shit in order faster than the dudes you see around you. I'm talking to busted up former athletes here.

Slightly off topic, but have you considered yoga, or maybe tai-chi?

I used to do a very physical construction job in my late 20s(I'm 41 now). If it was a professional sport our bosses would have supplied us with physios and other injury preventing practices. In my 30s I would often get terrible pains in my back, sometimes from just lifting a kettle. I'm not as regular with it as I should be, but yoga has helped me a great deal, and I never get pains in my back anymore.

I know it. Just too lazy or busy to stretch regularly enough. When it gets bad enough I get my act together. I just spend too much time in a chair writing, working, posting, gaming, etc. That's my problem.

[robreke]

Reading this thread came at a good time for me. I'm 44 and recently was dumped, by a 26 year old girl in her last year of law school. I suppose I can be thankful in some sense because she was a lawyer and who wants to be married to one. But, she's the smartest girl, probably, I've ever dated and our conversations were great as was the sex. I'm pretty smart and wasn't able to find many women on my wavelength or intellectual capability who didn't eventually bore me. She left me for her long time ex who she said she wanted to give one more chance ( and who Im sure is closer to her age ). I hate to admit it, but I had oneitis and it hurt ( and still does ) that she left. I've been semi-depressed. I'm dating another girl I'm not nearly as attracted to though who is fun and trying to meet others.
What I think is adding to my sadness is I was looking at myself as a 44 year old man who is "running out of options". After reading many of these posts here, I think I have a self pitying mindset and I need to snap the fuck out. I can still pass for mid , sometimes early, thirties. I'm decent looking and still get looks from younger women from time to time though not like in my 30s. I want to have a family and children and , perhaps subconsciously, viewed this girl who just left me, as a fading chance at a cool attractive young woman I could have a LTR with and even children. Now, she's gone. I left it at " call me if it doesn't work out" and she said she would. I've been thinking about contacting her to trying to convince her to choose me as wrong as this is or I'm hoping it doesn't work out for the same reasons again with her ex and she calls me soon....But I can't wait for that. I've got to move on.

I've actually been bordering on, as I mentioned earlier, depression, and I'm constantly thinking about her. I know this isn't a thread about oneitis or heartbreak and I don't mean to go on with my current issues, but the point is, reading the posts of the members on this thread, especially the older guys who are still slaying young pussy, has given me more hope and determination to change my mindset and try to forget her and move on. It's also given me ideas of things I need to focus my current thoughts and planning on. Instead of constantly thinking about this girl, I need to think about planning a fun trip to Colombia or Ukraine. I need to focus on opening an OK Cupid account, approaching any and all women I find attractive during the daytime ( I don't do night game)

I really do want to have a family one day and, even though I'm approaching my mid 40s, I realize if I develop the right mindset, and set goals and get out there and talk to more women, I will find the right companion.
I also realize I need to hit the weights more. I know things will get better with time and I think by absorbing the wisdom of this thread, I can quicken this process.

[tdawg]

Fuckin'ell man, snap out of it! You are still in the prime of life.

Thank that ex for taking her off your hands. I'm sure that re-tread relationship is gonna work out swell for them.

And follow Patrice ONeal and make a beeline for Brazil.

[rudebwoy]

Robreke - ask yourself this simple question. If it was so good between you and this girl, why did she leave for another man?
You have highlighted your mistakes, so you know the deal.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get back on the horse.

[TravelerKai]

(10-11-2014 06:14 PM)robreke Wrote:  

Reading this thread came at a good time for me. I'm 44 and recently was dumped, by a 26 year old girl in her last year of law school. I suppose I can be thankful in some sense because she was a lawyer and who wants to be married to one. But, she's the smartest girl, probably, I've ever dated and our conversations were great as was the sex. I'm pretty smart and wasn't able to find many women on my wavelength or intellectual capability who didn't eventually bore me. She left me for her long time ex who she said she wanted to give one more chance ( and who Im sure is closer to her age ). I hate to admit it, but I had oneitis and it hurt ( and still does ) that she left. I've been semi-depressed. I'm dating another girl I'm not nearly as attracted to though who is fun and trying to meet others.
What I think is adding to my sadness is I was looking at myself as a 44 year old man who is "running out of options". After reading many of these posts here, I think I have a self pitying mindset and I need to snap the fuck out. I can still pass for mid , sometimes early, thirties. I'm decent looking and still get looks from younger women from time to time though not like in my 30s. I want to have a family and children and , perhaps subconsciously, viewed this girl who just left me, as a fading chance at a cool attractive young woman I could have a LTR with and even children. Now, she's gone. I left it at " call me if it doesn't work out" and she said she would. I've been thinking about contacting her to trying to convince her to choose me as wrong as this is or I'm hoping it doesn't work out for the same reasons again with her ex and she calls me soon....But I can't wait for that. I've got to move on.

I've actually been bordering on, as I mentioned earlier, depression, and I'm constantly thinking about her. I know this isn't a thread about oneitis or heartbreak and I don't mean to go on with my current issues, but the point is, reading the posts of the members on this thread, especially the older guys who are still slaying young pussy, has given me more hope and determination to change my mindset and try to forget her and move on. It's also given me ideas of things I need to focus my current thoughts and planning on. Instead of constantly thinking about this girl, I need to think about planning a fun trip to Colombia or Ukraine. I need to focus on opening an OK Cupid account, approaching any and all women I find attractive during the daytime ( I don't do night game)

I really do want to have a family one day and, even though I'm approaching my mid 40s, I realize if I develop the right mindset, and set goals and get out there and talk to more women, I will find the right companion.
I also realize I need to hit the weights more. I know things will get better with time and I think by absorbing the wisdom of this thread, I can quicken this process.

I been on the sauce all night so pardon my French.

Stop talking to bitches for intellectual stimulation. That shit is beta. What you need is a real woman not married to a fucking career. You want intellectual stimulation? Fucking talk to me. Talk to RVF. That bitch isn't smarter than us. Bust your nuts in women and talk to men. We are the Greek Senate in here. Your male bonding experience is right here with us. When you seek that kind of validation from women, they slowly end up losing respect for you. That's how you ended up in the friend zone and she fucking went back to a past itch. You could have grunted and fucked her and got further than what you did by trying to get deep with her. You ended up being a psychology couch instead.

When you start traveling keep shit basic. Let her cook you something. In fact ask them to do that point blank. Get blow jobs. Empty your rocks. Finish when you want and go to sleep without a word. The next morning I betcha she make you breakfast and take care of you. Stop trying to be their friend.

Don't do it again.

[Dusty]

(10-11-2014 10:31 PM)TravelerKai Wrote:  

Stop talking to bitches for intellectual stimulation. That shit is beta. What you need is a real woman not married to a fucking career. You want intellectual stimulation? Fucking talk to me. Talk to RVF. That bitch isn't smarter than us. Bust your nuts in women and talk to men.

Cosign. Don't fall for the feminist narrative that you need a woman with male attributes like a having a good career and being "intellectual."

The fact is us men will find happiness with a woman when we clearly dominate her. We have to be physically, mentally, and emotionally stronger than these bitches (and that means being much more intelligent). We don't want to be dating retards, but finding a bitch with a PhD is a recipe for a miserable life. But don't worry, if you are a man with a 120+ IQ, you will have difficulty finding a girl that is your intelligence equal.

Guess what, the girl will be happier too if you dominate her.

Don't look for so-called "equals". Look for younger, hotter chick who you can dominate who is feminine and submissive and who looks up to you and admires you for your superiority.

[reco2100]

Kai, read healing back pain by Dr. Sarnow. It not only made me healthier overall. It changed my views radically on what really causes a lot of our physical problems.

Most importantly it fucking works.

[tdawg]

(10-11-2014 11:07 PM)reco2100 Wrote:  

Kai, read healing back pain by Dr. Sarnow. It not only made me healthier overall. It changed my views radically on what really causes a lot of our physical problems.

Most importantly it fucking works.

I screwed up my back building our house. Told to walk it out.

I walked and walked and walked for a good year, 5 to 10 miles a day.

Nothing better for you.

[reco2100]

I am not a doctor. But I can tell you I was extremely active and thought that I screwed up my back water skiing.

After reading this book. The back pain went away. It is written by a doctor who has treated over 15000 patients.

If you want the pain to go away I would give this a try. Men on this site tend to look for solutions in unusual and different places. This is one of them.

[reco2100]

Robreke, of course it hurts. She has created memories in your psyche. It will take time and other women. Read Rollo Tomassi's the myth of the lonely old man. It puts a lot of this into perspective. And if you are looking for a LTR it would have probably been doomed anyway. American, lawyer, etc.

Definetly look at hose two countries you mentioned to find a higher quality LTR woman.

[iknowexactly]

Something that surprised me is in my late 50s I can tell a Filipina (sub-9) I think she's cute and want to "give her a baby" ( those exact words) and most of them act like it's not rude or crazy. Having a child is considered one of, if not the MOST important and pleasurable essentials in life to them.

Probably 10-20% call my bluff and say "OK" or "That would be great." They're basically ready right then and there to get down and have a baby, especially if you've chatted on line for a while and she sees you as a middle class character. I have to admit i was pretty dumbfounded by this and had to do a gut check and ask myself, "Am I ready to create a life with this woman right here and now?!"

It's one thing to muse on having children, another to be in bed with a girl who wants you to cum right in her and will definitely keep the baby.

If you are a decent looking white guy and she is 25 she will have far more status if she has a white professional's child , even if he isn't around much, than a local's. At least two have said "I want to have a foreigner's baby" or "I want a beautiful child."

Some of them have even offered to meet up for a few days when they're fertile specifically to try to get pregnant.

[robreke]

(10-11-2014 10:31 PM)TravelerKai Wrote:  

(10-11-2014 06:14 PM)robreke Wrote:  

Reading this thread came at a good time for me. I'm 44 and recently was dumped, by a 26 year old girl in her last year of law school. I suppose I can be thankful in some sense because she was a lawyer and who wants to be married to one. But, she's the smartest girl, probably, I've ever dated and our conversations were great as was the sex. I'm pretty smart and wasn't able to find many women on my wavelength or intellectual capability who didn't eventually bore me. She left me for her long time ex who she said she wanted to give one more chance ( and who Im sure is closer to her age ). I hate to admit it, but I had oneitis and it hurt ( and still does ) that she left. I've been semi-depressed. I'm dating another girl I'm not nearly as attracted to though who is fun and trying to meet others.
What I think is adding to my sadness is I was looking at myself as a 44 year old man who is "running out of options". After reading many of these posts here, I think I have a self pitying mindset and I need to snap the fuck out. I can still pass for mid , sometimes early, thirties. I'm decent looking and still get looks from younger women from time to time though not like in my 30s. I want to have a family and children and , perhaps subconsciously, viewed this girl who just left me, as a fading chance at a cool attractive young woman I could have a LTR with and even children. Now, she's gone. I left it at " call me if it doesn't work out" and she said she would. I've been thinking about contacting her to trying to convince her to choose me as wrong as this is or I'm hoping it doesn't work out for the same reasons again with her ex and she calls me soon....But I can't wait for that. I've got to move on.

I've actually been bordering on, as I mentioned earlier, depression, and I'm constantly thinking about her. I know this isn't a thread about oneitis or heartbreak and I don't mean to go on with my current issues, but the point is, reading the posts of the members on this thread, especially the older guys who are still slaying young pussy, has given me more hope and determination to change my mindset and try to forget her and move on. It's also given me ideas of things I need to focus my current thoughts and planning on. Instead of constantly thinking about this girl, I need to think about planning a fun trip to Colombia or Ukraine. I need to focus on opening an OK Cupid account, approaching any and all women I find attractive during the daytime ( I don't do night game)

I really do want to have a family one day and, even though I'm approaching my mid 40s, I realize if I develop the right mindset, and set goals and get out there and talk to more women, I will find the right companion.
I also realize I need to hit the weights more. I know things will get better with time and I think by absorbing the wisdom of this thread, I can quicken this process.

I been on the sauce all night so pardon my French.

Stop talking to bitches for intellectual stimulation. That shit is beta. What you need is a real woman not married to a fucking career. You want intellectual stimulation? Fucking talk to me. Talk to RVF. That bitch isn't smarter than us. Bust your nuts in women and talk to men. We are the Greek Senate in here. Your male bonding experience is right here with us. When you seek that kind of validation from women, they slowly end up losing respect for you. That's how you ended up in the friend zone and she fucking went back to a past itch. You could have grunted and fucked her and got further than what you did by trying to get deep with her. You ended up being a psychology couch instead.

When you start traveling keep shit basic. Let her cook you something. In fact ask them to do that point blank. Get blow jobs. Empty your rocks. Finish when you want and go to sleep without a word. The next morning I betcha she make you breakfast and take care of you. Stop trying to be their friend.

Don't do it again.

I appreciate the hand of friendship and being there to be my mental stimulation and I accept. I also got a good laugh reading the frankness of your post.

For what it's worth, I did fuck her plenty good multiple times. All over the place ( bed, table, chairs, etc ) and she liked it. Also, it was more of a "we get each other's humor and can finish each other's sentences" kind of mental stimulation as opposed to discussing deep stuff. But, I still get your point. I fucked up in the end by getting needy and she needed space. We had just started to get back together with one date....I bumped into her accidentally the next day and I have the feeling from her reaction she thought I was stalking her when it was a pure coincidence.

She decided to give her other guy a chance after that. Maybe me bumping into her was the universe doing me a favor in the long run. What's crazy and keeps bringing up the pain....is I KEEP bumping into her. Friday after our breakup, I was on the second story of whole foods eating. I saw her come into the parking lot and park, deliberately, right next to my truck. She knows my vehicle very well. Then, walk in with a apprehensive look. As I walked out later I saw her and asked if she was following me. She said "maybe" . She was friendly but nervous and guarded. I surmise from this action she still has feelings for me....but like I mentioned earlier, I have to move on. I was polite and said have a good weekend.....but damn, I don't need to keep seeing her like that .

Thanks for the comments to everyone so far and I've already started to write a plan for myself.

[Sp5]

(10-12-2014 08:19 AM)iknowexactly Wrote:  

Something that surprised me is in my late 50s I can tell a Filipina (sub-9) I think she's cute and want to "give her a baby" ( those exact words) and most of them act like it's not rude or crazy. Having a child is considered one of, if not the MOST important and pleasurable essentials in life to them.

Probably 10-20% call my bluff and say "OK" or "That would be great." They're basically ready right then and there to get down and have a baby, especially if you've chatted on line for a while and she sees you as a middle class character. I have to admit i was pretty dumbfounded by this and had to do a gut check and ask myself, "Am I ready to create a life with this woman right here and now?!"

It's one thing to muse on having children, another to be in bed with a girl who wants you to cum right in her and will definitely keep the baby.

If you are a decent looking white guy and she is 25 she will have far more status if she has a white professional's child , even if he isn't around much, than a local's. At least two have said "I want to have a foreigner's baby" or "I want a beautiful child."

Some of them have even offered to meet up for a few days when they're fertile specifically to try to get pregnant.

So you haven't pulled the trigger yet? C'mon, I'm waiting for multiple reports of missed periods.

[Global Entry]

It wasn't in connection with a specific woman (rather in connection with leaving a job), but I also had the feeling at some point a few years ago that I'd already peaked, and that I was on the downslope. I felt that I had passed up or squandered some pretty strong possibilities, things that would have given amazing life experience and not uncoincidentally, wealth, but for my own reasons I turned my back on them (big law firm jobs and banking jobs) because of my unwillingness to drink the kook-aid and sell my life by the hour.

I've since turned the corner and know now that this feeling was a mirage.

Everyone has peaks and valleys, lulls and periods of excitement. Its just a rhythm of life. You just have to make sure not to succumb to that malaise, as its much more a function of your own mind than of external stimuli. Whatever got you the opportunities before is still in you. You pulled one girl who you liked, well, unless you've caught an incurable disease or lost a limb in the interim, you can do it again.

I hear you, and I empathize. But get up, dust yourself off, and do it again, just like you did last time. And make sure you own it, don't let it own you.

(10-11-2014 06:14 PM)robreke Wrote:  

Reading this thread came at a good time for me. I'm 44 and recently was dumped, by a 26 year old girl in her last year of law school. I suppose I can be thankful in some sense because she was a lawyer and who wants to be married to one. But, she's the smartest girl, probably, I've ever dated and our conversations were great as was the sex. I'm pretty smart and wasn't able to find many women on my wavelength or intellectual capability who didn't eventually bore me. She left me for her long time ex who she said she wanted to give one more chance ( and who Im sure is closer to her age ). I hate to admit it, but I had oneitis and it hurt ( and still does ) that she left. I've been semi-depressed. I'm dating another girl I'm not nearly as attracted to though who is fun and trying to meet others.
What I think is adding to my sadness is I was looking at myself as a 44 year old man who is "running out of options". After reading many of these posts here, I think I have a self pitying mindset and I need to snap the fuck out. I can still pass for mid , sometimes early, thirties. I'm decent looking and still get looks from younger women from time to time though not like in my 30s. I want to have a family and children and , perhaps subconsciously, viewed this girl who just left me, as a fading chance at a cool attractive young woman I could have a LTR with and even children. Now, she's gone. I left it at " call me if it doesn't work out" and she said she would. I've been thinking about contacting her to trying to convince her to choose me as wrong as this is or I'm hoping it doesn't work out for the same reasons again with her ex and she calls me soon....But I can't wait for that. I've got to move on.

I've actually been bordering on, as I mentioned earlier, depression, and I'm constantly thinking about her. I know this isn't a thread about oneitis or heartbreak and I don't mean to go on with my current issues, but the point is, reading the posts of the members on this thread, especially the older guys who are still slaying young pussy, has given me more hope and determination to change my mindset and try to forget her and move on. It's also given me ideas of things I need to focus my current thoughts and planning on. Instead of constantly thinking about this girl, I need to think about planning a fun trip to Colombia or Ukraine. I need to focus on opening an OK Cupid account, approaching any and all women I find attractive during the daytime ( I don't do night game)

I really do want to have a family one day and, even though I'm approaching my mid 40s, I realize if I develop the right mindset, and set goals and get out there and talk to more women, I will find the right companion.
I also realize I need to hit the weights more. I know things will get better with time and I think by absorbing the wisdom of this thread, I can quicken this process.

[Isaac Jordan]

(10-08-2014 03:29 PM)Americas Wrote:  

Although I am a new member on this forum, one thing in particular I have noticed that is lacking in perspective is developing relationship skills somewhere along the lines in your 20s and 30s.

There seems to be a general disdain for "oneitis" but I don't think it's such a black and white issue. I think having a couple LTRs during your younger years is really important for when the time comes to actually settle down later in your life. Why you might ask?

Well...a lot of men on this board do seem to want to settle down at some point, whether that involves having children, getting married, or whatever. But the simple matter is that there are actually two components to game: pickup game (for getting girls) and relationship game (for keeping them around). There seems to be a lot of emphasis on the first on this board and not a lot for the latter. If you have relatively no relationship skills it is going to be very difficult to have a functional marriage for when you want it regardless of the girl you choose to do it with.

If you stay single almost your entirety of your life and just say "one day I'll get married and have kids" then you might be setting yourself up for disaster. Relationships are actually quite complex, and can only really be functional if you have some prior experience with them through trial and error.

I am 26 years old and by no means a relationship expert but I do have a one year+ relationship under my belt and I learned a shitload through that process. I think finding a girl that you really enjoy to be with and having a stable, and especially loyal (if she wants it that way that is), relationship is a really important life experience.

I mean, do you really think you can just crash course a marriage with kids with no prior or significant relationship experience in your repertoire? Women can be wily creatures and they can wear you down to a fraction of a man you once were if you don't know how to manage them in a serious relationship. And if you want children, having a strong and healthy relationship with their mother is truly vital to their development as human beings.

So I guess it's kind of just a throw of caution to the wind for some of you on here; if you find a girl you really like, test out the relationship waters, you might be surprised at how rewarding it can be. Of course, it can also be a total clusterfuck but it's worth the risk for the potential reward.

+1

For a man in his 20s, having an LTR provides an additional benefit in that it frees up his time to chase money.

Here's an example from my own life: I spent my late teens and early twenties taking the red pill, learning game, and cold approaching at bars/clubs/house parties/etc. After a few notches, I met a sweet, conservative, Christian virgin and I've been dating her for almost a year.

In addition to the aforementioned LTR experience, I was able to save thousands of dollars by cooking dinner at home, finding free activities to do during the day, watching Netflix on Saturday nights, etc. Not to mention the money saved on condoms.

This financial buffer allowed me to ditch my cushy corporate gig for a risky entrepreneurial venture that's just now starting to pay off.

I intend to move cities in May and return to being single, but so far the relationship has been an incredible learning experience, and it's helped me focus on setting a financial foundation that should support me for the rest of my life. Ideally, I spend the rest of my 20s working my ass off, so I can travel and game in my 30s and then perhaps find a wife and settle down in my early 40s.

This isn't to say LTRs are better than STRs/ONS. I think there's a balance to be found, and it's beneficial for a man to gain experience from both situations.