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Lack of Aggression
10-03-2014, 01:23 PM
I'm starting to think I might have a problem with having a lack of aggression. Not only with women but with regards to life in general. It applies across multiple aspects of life. I'm very laid back and perhaps too laid back. My default energy state is pretty low. Even when lifting heavy weights, I tend not to approach it from the "get angry and pumped up before a heavy set" mentality like a lot of guys do, but with a more Zen-like approach of trying to empty my mind of doubts and self-defeating thoughts.
Anyone else overcome something like this?
If only you knew how bad things really are.
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Lack of Aggression
10-03-2014, 01:36 PM
Do you do any competitive sports?
In martial arts, football, rugby ect. you can be aggressive in a controlled setting.
Training in MMA and doing NoFap helped me.
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Lack of Aggression
10-03-2014, 01:55 PM
Yes, studying Buddhism made me too passive.
I realized that I wasn't being aggressive enough.
Now, I prefer to cultivate healthy levels of aggression.
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Lack of Aggression
10-03-2014, 02:24 PM
I'm passive as a cat by nature so I know what you mean.
Regardless, the following things have amped my levels of aggression.
1) Lifting and exercising
2) Doing 50 pushups in the morning. I don't know why, but I feel like I'm ready to go at it right after.
3) the Online Girl Hamster thread
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Lack of Aggression
10-03-2014, 06:25 PM
Yes, I feel this too.
It comes down to who you want to be. Do you want to be aggressive? If so, why?
Are you okay with being more calm, collected, and passive?
Are you comfortable enough with a more passive personality to let yourself sink into that role?
We live in a society where extroversion is favored over introversion. It is seen as a negative, on the whole and compared to the opposite end of the spectrum, to be an interovert.
That's a poor ideal to uphold, I think. Introversion leads to many wonderful things that extroversion does not so much.
Aggression is more tied to extroversion so if you do not feel comfortable going against the norm, either adjust your comfort level or become more aggressive. That means lifting, perhaps consciously going out to spit some game, and setting really high goals (maybe even a bit impossible).
I am introverted and passive. In New York City, this is one of the ultimate social taboos to commit here, along with being seen as boring. So I get a lot of flack, though nothing I can't handle. Mostly I just feel out of place here. But I let the incongruence flow through me, and I don't let it bother me too much. In the end I always get what I want, regardless. There is much value in being zen and letting others trip over their own aggression.
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Lack of Aggression
10-03-2014, 06:59 PM
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Lack of Aggression
10-03-2014, 08:47 PM
I'm very much the same. Very few people have ever seen me truly angry. I prefer to keep it that way.
Lifting did not make me an angry person. Even when I competed I did not always use aggression prior to lifts. Visualization, in many aspects of life, is a very powerful tool. Look at Olympic lifters. Not all of them get angry before a lift. Though their lifts are far more technical than most gyms lifts, intense concentration is just as useful. I also found that getting angry and amped up fatigued me. Adrenal fatigue may be an accurate term, but if I got all jacked up for multiple lifts multiple times a week I would get fried quickly. This, of course, depends on lifting style too. Getting amped up for a 95%+ deadlift is different than getting amped up for max reps on dumbbell bench.
I've had many girls positively comment on my consistent calm and cool demeanor. On the flip side though, to look at me you'll see the capability to be aggressive. I have a very athletic and muscular physique. I don't need to act aggressive to show I have aggression. I think that is important. I may be able to pull that off better than someone of a smaller stature. I liken it to a Daniel Craig James Bond. You see that he is calm, but you know he can be aggressive.
In terms of aggression in relation to extroversion, that is a different matter. I'm far from being extroverted. This has probably cost me some bangs, but not being extroverted has no relation to a willingness (aggression may not be the right word here) to escalate.
I play the cards in my hand. I don't try and bluff something I don't have.
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Lack of Aggression
10-03-2014, 09:08 PM
Aggression and extroversion do not necessarily go hand in hand, but that is the perception in Western society.
In other words, the perception is that introverts cannot be sufficiently aggressive to comport with societal ideals (going for what you want, being upfront, pushing forward to success).
I say that aggression takes different forms. I am aggressive in my own way, but introverted. As I had mentioned, I always get what I want, but do so with ears to the ground.
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Lack of Aggression
10-03-2014, 09:09 PM
You really seem like a nice guy.
To be honest , I've been here . I was conditionning my brain on those zen , compassion affirmations daily . I believed this pathetic assumption " Starve the ego , feed the soul " . I was smoking weed and listenning to river and ocean sounds all day long and fapping to it .
An alpha is at peace with himself, but not to an extent where people would fuck him over .
As you go outside ,think of yourself as the prize to be sought after .
Engage in daring yet benefitial activities that would boost your ego . Daygame is a perfect illustration of that . Enhance your self-worth by setting up goals and giving your 100% .
The world is a beautiful place to be ,and at the same time a jungle where except your parents, everyone else will let you down and laugh at your failure.
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Lack of Aggression
10-03-2014, 09:16 PM
We people are mostly a by-product of our environment, if you think youre not aggressive enough it only means you never put yourself in the position where you needed to be aggressive, if by aggression you mean anger..
I get very angry sometimes and i dont see that as a good thing.
On the other hand when im very focused i also get aggressive but i only see that as passion about something.
Maybe you just havent found something you really want in sometime.
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Lack of Aggression
10-03-2014, 10:57 PM
Aggression isn't a virtue unless you fight for a living.
I don't think it's healthy to try to be aggressive without a particular reason.
Ultimately your goal in the gym is to move iron, not to be angry with it.
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Lack of Aggression
10-04-2014, 03:37 PM
When I used to be a general population martial arts coach we had loads of guys who were there to try and become more aggressive.
I found that guys generally fell into three categories:
1) Those who are naturally aggressive and struggle to control it.
2) Those who are naturally aggressive and repress these feelings.
3) Those who are simply not capable of overt aggression.
1 & 2 can be worked on in my experience.
Number 3 cannot.
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Lack of Aggression
10-04-2014, 03:42 PM
Just wanted to say that this thread reminds me of how good this forum is. OP came with a concern and is getting a ton of support, perspective and insights. You guys are pretty awesome.
Fate whispers to the warrior, "You cannot withstand the storm." And the warrior whispers back, "I am the storm."
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Lack of Aggression
10-04-2014, 09:53 PM
Thanks for the replies. Good ideas to consider. I've thought of looking into martial arts and the possibility of low T. With regard to the first I'm worried about injuries and with regard to the second I've always kind of been this way. In my college days I would get amped up with heavy drinking but I don't do that anymore.
If only you knew how bad things really are.
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Lack of Aggression
10-05-2014, 02:13 PM
That was an interesting article, thanks. I am trying to up my "jerkboy(CH)/douche(GLL)" factor but I may have to accept that there are limits.
I have apparently had or still have some "nice guy" issues of which Robert Glover has written.
When I speak of the aggression I need it's not really about the easiness to become provoked or angry (which is often counterproductive), but the desire to go out and "conquer".
If only you knew how bad things really are.
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Lack of Aggression
10-05-2014, 08:14 PM
Quote: (10-05-2014 08:02 PM)strengthstudent Wrote:
Buddhism is a joke.
I'm not a Buddhist, but I disagree. Then again, the Buddha would probably agree.
If only you knew how bad things really are.