[BadWolf]

I haven't been home in awhile but it seems like things here just got really unfriendly and people have become very distant... maybe its just me. I am walking in the mall and I see this employee checking out magic cards on his computer. I walk over and say

me: "You're a magic fan eh?"

him: "Yeah I'm just looking though"

me: "That's cool man I also play, why don't you give me your phone number and we'll get together"(In china this results in immediate friendship, I meet tons of people this way)

him: looks at me disgusted "No... I don't give my phone number out".

me: "really? I mean, you don't play or what?"

him: "No, I play.... but I have friends to play with"

me: "so you don't want to get together and pla-"

him: "NO"

me: "...."

I was so shocked, I actually didn't say anything, I was just like "WTF is going on here?". I've never had a GUY let alone a fellow 'nerd' turn me down for an offer of friendship especially based around hobbies... It's been really bugging me all day, what the hell is wrong with people here. I felt like saying, fuck you buddy, I have a hot wife (who also plays btw), a good job, a ton of friends and I'm part of a awesome wider community with links to jobs and various opportunities AROUND THE WORLD... I've played in championships in China with some of the world's best players.... what fvcking idiot voluntarily shuts himself out of opportunities...

The thing is this wouldn't bug me so much if I hadn't noticed the cold reception I've been getting from people since I got home. I'm not sure if I changed or if people did...

I don't even know what to follow this post with... I can see it would be very easy to become depressed with the sheer isolation you feel here, people are just not friendly and not open to meeting others outside of school... Christ if someone were to ask me if I'd like to play or get together the answer would be a resounding YES.

So what is it that people do here to meet other people? Or do they just not...

(for the guys that have emailed about it, I apologize I've been in and out of the hospital the last 2 weeks.)

[Parlay44]

It's American culture bleeding into Canada. You're welcome.

[cmrocks]

I know where you're coming from. I've grown up in the west coast of Canada and people are not friendly here at all. In my home town, I've made like two new male friends in the 10 years that I've been out of high school; albeit, I don't spend a ton of time there. I did my undergraduate degree in Vancouver and it was easy to meet people at the university. I worked at a gold mine for a couple years and it was easy to meet people there too. I'm now in Alberta for grad school and people are not friendly.

I made friends with a guy in my apartment. I swear that I got more approach anxiety asking him for his number to hang out sometime than I normally get otherwise.

[Donkey_Riding]

(08-15-2014 09:47 AM)BadWolf Wrote:  

I was so shocked, I actually didn't say anything, I was just like "WTF is going on here?". I've never had a GUY let alone a fellow 'nerd' turn me down for an offer of friendship especially based around hobbies... It's been really bugging me all day, what the hell is wrong with people here.

You're overthinking things. The dude is just a douchebag. Most Magic players (in my experience) would be happy to meet a new playing partner.

[kinjutsu]

@ Cmrocks

I totally get what you're saying.
Alberta is a fast paced province due to the Oil and Gas industry. It brings the cold corporate atmosphere along with it. Nobody wants to meet anyone anymore. Except for bars and night clubs where they have to be drunk to even acknowledge a member of the opposite sex.
The american culture has definitely poisoned this country. The further away you get from the big corporate cities the friendlier people are.

[iknowexactly]

I moved to California from new york 15 years ago. I don't have any friends _from_ California, they're all transplants from the Midwest.

If we stayed here, had families and had kids, the kids would probably tend to be like that too.

When houses are a million dollars (SF) or in a farther out suburb 350k, people get colder, they want to establish their territory and keep you out.

[civpro]

It may be true, but your n=1.

[Rush87]

To be honest I'm not sure if this is a troll thread. That seems like a very odd conversation to me.

[monster]

With guys, unlike girls, you can be honest: "hey I'm new in town and just looking to meet new friends.Let's connect on facebook"

[Menace]

This is part of US/Canadian culture today. It is very difficult to make friends outside of school. Even shared interest/social context can be diffuclt. People can be very friendly on the surface, but they will not want to hang out with you. In other countries, it is often the opposite. Making friends is much easier in many parts of Asia. I feel Europe is the opposite of US: less friendly at first, but can make lasting connections after that.

[El Chinito loco]

One issue might be that he thought you were gay. A lot of guys get real weird (in the U.S. too) if you are too friendly from their point of view. It's mainly because a lot of guys are beta chumps and have all sorts of pent up sexual angst. If you are too nice they automatically think you are a fag or something.

[Soothesayer]

I remember back in the mid-eighties walking around B.Dalton bookstore with my best friend. We always looked at the Dungeons & Dragons books, mostly for the artwork since we didn't know how to play at the time. Well, ten minutes into it a guy comes up to us (we're 14-15) not much older than us and starts up a convo. He goes on and on about the different monster manuals, the stress of being a DM, which computer RPGs are most like D&D. We immediately liked him when he offered to be a DM for us for a few games to teach us his years of wisdom. He gave us his addy and number and we were just mystified at how generous this guy was. We didn't regret it.

You know what would have happened to that guy in 2014? Best case: he'd have been kicked out of that New Orleans mall. Worst case: he's on the sexual offender's registry for predation (aka Luring in Canada).

I still to this day wonder whatever happened to that guy (and guys like him). It's a sad time to be American or Canadian (American in Canada here).

[polymath]

Perhaps he thought you were a gay guy using Magic as an excuse to get together. I mean, your retelling literally uses the words "get together."

Also, for all you know he is really introverted and shit. Some people don't make friends quickly.

Don't take it personally, nor seriously. You met one cold shoulder and now your opinion of all Canadians is changing.

[Captain Gh]

This post is further proof that its time for me to get my move on out of Canada since my first thought was like why would I take your # dude?

[TravelerKai]

(08-15-2014 11:41 AM)El Chinito loco Wrote:  

One issue might be that he thought you were gay. A lot of guys get real weird (in the U.S. too) if you are too friendly from their point of view. It's mainly because a lot of guys are beta chumps and have all sorts of pent up sexual angst. If you are too nice they automatically think you are a fag or something.

Only Americans think like this. This is Canada we are talking about. The first Canadians I ever met I thought were gay at first until I realized they are friendly as hell. They have this pure kinda vibe they give off. The ones that worked in Alberta while I was working in a certain oil company were either super nice or kinda rude, by Canadian standards at least.

[TravelerKai]

I haven't played magic since high school but no man or boy can ever not have enough card playing friends. That's just lame. It's not like one in every ten people play it.

[JJ Roberts]

Ahh the culture of fear and isolation

[germanico]

Dude, the last thing a nerd wants is to make MORE friends. Two is too much to handle for most, three tops and thats just because they need a healer for the Greyhawk dungeon.

Dont take it personal. It does sound gay to ask for a dudes number straight away. Better to ask him where do nerds meet to play, go there, and then befriend them like Two Socks

[worldwidetraveler]

You should have asked the dude to use his bathroom and then start escalation by pulling out your magic cards. Push through that last minute resistance by talking about how you killed it the last time you played against someone else.

Game that nerd, man.

[BadWolf]

I guess he could've thought I was gay but usually if someone shows an interest in something I'm doing, I wouldn't think they were coming on to me unless I was jerking off or waving my ass around. I don't think a lot of guys have experience being around gay dudes. I was walking down church st a couple of years ago and some guy hit me with a bunch of roses over the head and then smiled and waved, yeah he was gay... but to want to get together for a hobby? I mean since when did meeting new guy friends turn into 'are you gay?'.

My brother says it's just Ontarians cause they all have this fear shield up all the time. Says he doesn't run into that out in Alberta unless they are from Ontario. I also live in a college town so that might have something to do with it.

[TravelerKai]

(08-15-2014 09:09 PM)BadWolf Wrote:  

I guess he could've thought I was gay but usually if someone shows an interest in something I'm doing, I wouldn't think they were coming on to me unless I was jerking off or waving my ass around. I don't think a lot of guys have experience being around gay dudes. I was walking down church st a couple of years ago and some guy hit me with a bunch of roses over the head and then smiled and waved, yeah he was gay... but to want to get together for a hobby? I mean since when did meeting new guy friends turn into 'are you gay?'.

My brother says it's just Ontarians cause they all have this fear shield up all the time. Says he doesn't run into that out in Alberta unless they are from Ontario. I also live in a college town so that might have something to do with it.

Why would Canadians have a fear/bitch shield up in the first place? You guys are not known for fear like that. What is going on over there? Is it really as simple as American culture ruining yours?

[Fortitudinal]

Yeah, sounds about right. Canadians are just not the warmest of all people. . . Get used to it.
I have very few friends that I've made thru sports or hobbies. Social circle and work have been best gateways. Else they just flake out, just like chicks. Though fb does help connect with cool cats you meet now and then.

Still, there is a lot of 'leave me alone, why are you chatting with me' aspergers going on up here. Could it be the climate? Food? TV? Who knows.

I enjoy and found much easier to hang out with other immigrants or expats. Go figure.

[Kdog]

It could've just been the personality of that nerd. Though I have experienced the same in Ontario, in London.
I've lived in Alberta and Manitoba and I haven't experienced too much of that. When I was a kid I remember having a few friends for the reason alone of our interest in Pokemon cards. Then again that was 15 years ago.
At least you always have us here on RVF .

[ManAbout]

Why are all your threads these huge, over reaching generalizations? One of your earlier threads was about how you haven't seen a girl that is more than a 3 since you came back to Canada. Now, Canada is full of unfriendly men. Seems like borderline trolling to me.

[rudebwoy]

^ well stated. I don't give my number out to strange men/boys.