[Enjoythedecline]

I don't know if someone already asked the question but I made a search and found nothing. I thought it would be interesting to hear you guys about this.

I'm exclusive with a girl since 3 or 4 months. I met her on tinder and fucked her on the same night (red flags alert). I've already asked her how much sexual partners she had before getting exclusive and she told me she had less than 10 (she's 23). I'm wondering if I should call her out and question her more about her sexual past (like if she had a threesome and some other shits). If I do so, I have no choice but to believe what she said since I can't have any proof.

I'm kind of afraid about what I could discover since to me she's a keeper (she cooks for me and she's happy to follow my lead).

What are your take on this ?

[samsamsam]

What she did before you is what she did before you. I think if you dig around too much you are just going to open a can of worms. Just be careful of oneitis. But trust your gut if you think she has whored around then maybe she isn't a keeper. But doing an investigation will just cause problems. When will you stop looking for info? It may be too late since you have already planted seeds of doubt in your own head. Just keep your wits about you and stay under control.

[RockHard]

"If my answers disturb you, then you should stop asking disturbing questions" -- Jules Winnifeld, "Pulp Fiction"

What would it mean if you found out she'd had a 3 way? Would it be a deal breaker if it was 2 guys? How about if < 10 means 9, and 8 of them were one night stands, the other was her BF of 5 years. Do you really want to know? Are you going to marry her if the answer meets your expectation? What does she have to lose by being truthful?

Let's face it, you met her on Tinder and did a SDL. You're either quite the seducer or you are not her first rodeo. She's 23, that's at least 5 years of sexual activity, so 10 would be 2 per year. You don't even have to ask directly, you can triangulate on this - how many LTRs has she been in? How long? What happened to end it?

[Travesty]

If you want to LTR yes I would want to know because I have read about guys marrying having kids and 10 years down the road one drunken night her girlfriend from college or she herself lets out something you cannot handle and the relationship is suffocated.

I want to know as much as I can upfront to see what I can handle.

I know I can't handle certain things no matter how cool or loyal the girl is so I will not risk finding out down the road if I can help it.

[Old Fritz]

I no longer see the point in asking because all women lie about this kind of thing. Instead, I believe it's best to look for red flags. If you talk to enough women you can pick up on them much faster. I have no interest in ever getting married and I get bored easily with women so I wouldn't be bothered by threesomes or other stuff. I would just try to have my way with her myself.

You screwed this girl on the same night you met her on Tinder... which is a red flag in itself. There are many other red flags which I'm sure are covered on here. ROK has a few articles on it too.

Don't become too attached. Make sure she wants you more than you want her.

[MarcJBrutus]

As Chris Rock said, never ask a woman how many men she's been with because you don't want to know.

I agree with the observations with the other commentators: you met her on Tinder and hit it the same night. I seriously doubt that was the first time so you shouldn't consider her for a LTR. Oneitis is always a possibility, even if you rationally know that she is not LTR material. I had a FB who was a divorced single mom with three kids. She opened up to me without my prompting. She went swinging with her husband, had a couple of threesomes, went "crazy with men after her divorce" and didn't know her N. We smashed on a beach one night with people close by and I even have us on video. We had an on-off FB relationship for 2 years; she wanted commitment and I knew I would have to be a fool to commit to her. But I still fell for her and the oneitis is killing my vibe (No, I didn't commit; she's with another guy who offered to be her boyfriend a month after dating her; I don't know if he knows what I know.) My point is that even players can have feelings for women whom they know are not LTR material. You already know this; no need to dig further into her past. And eject if you start to catch feelings.

[Enjoythedecline]

Thanks for the replies guys. I've read all your comments and come to the conclusion that is it better to ask. Is it still a good option since we are both still at our parents house and thinking about maybe moving together in a year or so ?

Since it's almost impossible nowadays to find a girl who didn't had a ONS, should you disqualified her from an LTR if she had a ONS ?

I'm confused with this situation. What if she had suck 5 guys the same night ?

[Teddykgb]

I personally wouldn't ask. You never know but some of these are good signs of character.

http://www.returnofkings.com/16837/24-signs-shes-a-slut

http://www.returnofkings.com/38722/35-si...is-a-whore

Tinder girl that sleeps with you on the first date should say it all. Unless like someone pointed out you are quite the Casanova. How much resistance did she give you?

[Beyond Borders]

(08-14-2014 10:24 PM)MarcJBrutus Wrote:  

My point is that even players can have feelings for women whom they know are not LTR material. You already know this; no need to dig further into her past. And eject if you start to catch feelings.

This is so true.

That's one of the reasons it's sometimes makes sense to be picky even about who you fuck. Because once you're spending extended intimate time with a woman, it's easy to "fall into" a more serious relationship.

It's crazy how that shit creeps on you; we're only human. Even if you've been around the block yourself and are jaded enough to know better.

[Enjoythedecline]

(08-15-2014 10:19 PM)Teddykgb Wrote:  

How much resistance did she give you?

Not so much. We went to eat some sushis then we hit the bar. This is when I took her hand and she never remove it. We then make out in the car and I rub her pussy through her pants. I left (bad player move here) and she texted me that next time we should sleep together. I called her immediately to tell her : what about right now ? She gave a little resistance but it was so small that I can't call it that way. Went to her home and fuck her.

After this, we've became fuck buddies for 2 months and we slept together once a week.

[pitt]

(08-16-2014 03:07 AM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  

(08-14-2014 10:24 PM)MarcJBrutus Wrote:  

My point is that even players can have feelings for women whom they know are not LTR material. You already know this; no need to dig further into her past. And eject if you start to catch feelings.

This is so true.

That's one of the reasons it's sometimes makes sense to be picky even about who you fuck. Because once you're spending extended intimate time with a woman, it's easy to "fall into" a more serious relationship.

It's crazy how that shit creeps on you; we're only human. Even if you've been around the block yourself and are jaded enough to know better.

Not sure if I agree on this. I recently was dating a girl who I used to see as perfect (she had all qualities a man could look for) but soon as I found out she was a hoe, my emotional feelings went out of the window but I didn't dump her because the sex was so damn good and she made my life easier in some ways. I probably made a mistake in moving in with her but it was another player lesson in life. But if you know she is a hoe, you shouldn't have any emotional feelings towards her.

Answering the OP:

I would ask it, I always do, even though I know girls lie but usually along those lies the truth may come out.

If she slept with you on the first night and met you from a dating site, she is likely a hoe, I wouldn't take her too seriously. Remember that hoes will also treat you good, it's not just good girls that will cook for you and show you affection. Keep on banging it, use a condom but I wouldn't want to wife it up if she gave me the pussy on the first night. She will certainly give her pussy to other guys when your sexual performance goes down the hill and the right player shows up.

[Beyond Borders]

(08-16-2014 10:08 AM)pitt Wrote:  

(08-16-2014 03:07 AM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  

(08-14-2014 10:24 PM)MarcJBrutus Wrote:  

My point is that even players can have feelings for women whom they know are not LTR material. You already know this; no need to dig further into her past. And eject if you start to catch feelings.

This is so true.

That's one of the reasons it's sometimes makes sense to be picky even about who you fuck. Because once you're spending extended intimate time with a woman, it's easy to "fall into" a more serious relationship.

It's crazy how that shit creeps on you; we're only human. Even if you've been around the block yourself and are jaded enough to know better.

Not sure if I agree on this. I recently was dating a girl who I used to see as perfect (she had all qualities a man could look for) but soon as I found out she was a hoe, my emotional feelings went out of the window but I didn't dump her because the sex was so damn good and she made my life easier in some ways. I probably made a mistake in moving in with her but it was another player lesson in life. But if you know she is a hoe, you shouldn't have any emotional feelings towards her.

I'm a bit skeptical on you moving in with a woman you didn't have any emotional feelings for, but I'm sure it's possible if it was just a practical move and you saw it as a temp decision.

In any case, upon second thought, you are right. I've also had instances where I was head over heels for some chick and then found out about some slimy shit she had done, and I instantly cut off my emotions from then on, while still continuing to bang. And it wasn't hard to do so.

But I'm just saying the potential is there to catch feelings for hoes. I think it's almost more likely when you already know they're a slut when you start banging. You've already accepted her for what she is before hanging, so she grows on you as that person you've already accepted. In other words, you can begin to hamster if you're not careful.

On the other hand, when you start out thinking a woman has a bit of self-respect and then realize it's all an illusion, it's a bit more of a shock to your system, and I think in those cases it's easier to nuke your feelings. Because you just accept that she isn't who you thought she was.

I'm sure it depends on the individual guy, the woman, and relationship though. As well as the level of dirty in her dirty.

Also relevant is how much other tail you're pulling. In this aspect, players are definitely more resistant but still not 100% immune.

With some women your personalities and/or chemistry just clicks, and over extended periods of time it's not always easy to fight that.

[Enjoythedecline]

So much different opinion on this thread, it's hard to make a choice. If I can provide more information about the girl : no tats, come from a very good and united family, have a great relationship with her father, long hair with natural color. Things that might red flag : She went 2 weeks alone in Spain to improve her Spanish, went by herself in the Canadian west with a government program. She's now with 3 other girls in USA west coast. Can't say this is a typical guuurls dumb shit trip since they rent a car and started from San Francisco all the way down to San Diego. They're doing a lot of road and a lot of trekking. They are going on foot down the grand canyon. She's pretty adventurous and I kinda like this.

[Onto]

Enjoythedecline, there is always a little birdie inside us (our gut) that tells us the truth. Problem is, we want to believe what we want to believe and we cast aside the advice of the birdie chirping, "she's a whore, she's a whore". Maybe she isn't, but you get the idea.

Where is this concern of yours coming from anyways? Is it because she's on Tinder? Because she's a drinker? Because she's the one that suggested sex? Because she banged you on the first date? Because when you asked her how many partners she answered with a less than response instead of a number.

We all want to believe the girl we meet is a mostly chaste, sweet, innocent, etc and that is was our suave character that she just couldn't resist. Any other man, she surely would've said no to.

Listen to the little birdie and watch her behavior. Does she/did she go out to bars with girlfriends? If you get into an LTR with her, are you going to allow her to go out with her friends and make herself available to be picked up by other men? Will she let you reign her in, or will she demand her freedom and accuse you of being "controlling".

Cooking is nice, following your lead is nice, but when you start to reign in her "freedom" such that it's not possible to be available to other men without you there, then you will know what kind of girl you have on your hands.

Finally I wouldn't ask how many partners she's had. Why ask a question you can never verify, and it will sound like you're accusing her of being a whore. Instead, be observant, don't look at her with Onenitis-colored glasses. Pay attention to her actions and what she talks about. For example, if she's talking about her friends being whores, it means there is a question in herself about it at the very least. It's been said, "birds of a feather flock together"

Shakespeare said, "The truth must out".

In other words, everybody wants to tell the truth about themselves. If they don't do it explicitly, they will do it implicitly. She is telling you everything about herself, every moment you are together. The truth is not like looking for a needle in the haystack, it is the haystack, you just need to decide you want to look.

[Onto]

(08-16-2014 10:40 AM)Enjoythedecline Wrote:  

So much different opinion on this thread, it's hard to make a choice. If I can provide more information about the girl : no tats, come from a very good and united family, have a great relationship with her father, long hair with natural color. Things that might red flag : She went 2 weeks alone in Spain to improve her Spanish, went by herself in the Canadian west with a government program. She's now with 3 other girls in USA west coast. Can't say this is a typical guuurls dumb shit trip since they rent a car and started from San Francisco all the way down to San Diego. They're doing a lot of road and a lot of trekking. They are going on foot down the grand canyon. She's pretty adventurous and I kinda like this.

She sounds like a very "free-spirit". Not the kind of girl that will take being locked down in stride.

Free spirits are very attractive and a lot of fun. Believe me, I've had my fair share of them. Have "fun", but I would keep it at that, for your own sake.

[Parlay44]

Don't ask. Don't tell. I try to follow the concept of people either grow closer together or grow farther apart. If her or your head is not in the relationship then you'll grow apart and the relationship will fail and fall apart. You'll never really know if she's cheating but you can definitely feel if she's not invested in the relationship. If you start to feel that way she probably checked out 6 months ago and has the next guy lined up but hasn't crossed the cheating line yet.

[MarcJBrutus]

(08-16-2014 10:24 AM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  

But I'm just saying the potential is there to catch feelings for hoes. I think it's almost more likely when you already know they're a slut when you start banging. You've already accepted her for what she is before hanging, so she grows on you as that person you've already accepted. In other words, you can begin to hamster if you're not careful.

On the other hand, when you start out thinking a woman has a bit of self-respect and then realize it's all an illusion, it's a bit more of a shock to your system, and I think in those cases it's easier to nuke your feelings. Because you just accept that she isn't who you thought she was.

I'm sure it depends on the individual guy, the woman, and relationship though. As well as the level of dirty in her dirty.

Also relevant is how much other tail you're pulling. In this aspect, players are definitely more resistant but still not 100% immune.

With some women your personalities and/or chemistry just clicks, and over extended periods of time it's not always easy to fight that.

This is a very good elaboration of the point I made. When you get involved with a woman for more than a ONS, there is the possibility that you will catch feelings. To explain my situation a little more, I had at least two others in my corporation while I was seeing the divorced mom. We split for good last year. (Sidenote-She took two weeks off from her boyfriend to see me because he didn't bring her medicine when she was really ill. These hoes ain't loyal.) However, having a few employees in my corporation did not prevent me from oneitis and I'm still dealing with oneitis now, as embarrassing as that confession is. I've had to fight my own hamster for months. Example:

Hamster Marc J Brutus: She loved you and the sex was great. You would have learned to love her kids and you would have had an already-made family.

Player Marc J Brutus: Oh fantastic! So we can spend all our money on her and her kids! We would have skipped that trip to Amsterdam and Sardinia in May, and there's no way we would have gone to Vegas for the first time this year. But hanging out a violin recitals and cheerleading competitions for kids who are not yours just to get some tail sure beats those experiences!

The two of us just clicked in a way that neither one of us experienced before in previous relationships. That type of chemistry does not obey reason or logic and, as Beyond Borders said, it's not easy to fight it. So I just want to reiterate the point that if you do not think she is LTR material, be careful. Oneitis is a bitch, especially if you are an introvert as I am. And the male hamster can be strong and persistent.

[Enjoythedecline]

Thank you gentleman. I've made my decision and won't ask her. I'll keep the relationship running and see where this will be heading. Maybe I'll just get bored with time as it always happen lol.

[Donkey_Riding]

(08-14-2014 06:00 PM)Enjoythedecline Wrote:  

I've already asked her how much sexual partners she had before getting exclusive and she told me she had less than 10 (she's 23). I'm wondering if I should call her out and question her more about her sexual past (like if she had a threesome and some other shits).

1) You probably don't want to know everything from her sexual past. If there are exes who overlap with your social circles or other baggage that might affect you, then you need to know. Otherwise, you shouldn't worry about it.

2) Rather than asking her directly, it's better to elicit such information more subtly, by dropping offhand comments and then seeing how she responds. E.g., mention a story about your friend's "slut" girlfriend and see how she reacts.

3) Just accept the fact that all women are whores. The way to maintain a healthy relationship is to instill dread, not to find a unicorn.