[VincentVinturi]

You just wasted a lot of time texting with this chick. You lost your frame before you even started.

You're basically telling her "be careful or I'll walk out of this" but it's not believable. If you just cut communication with her and gave her something to really think about that would have been better. This comes off as all bark no bite.

[Constitution45]

(06-18-2014 07:19 PM)DavidMI Wrote:  

I agree with many of the other respondents who essentially said that indulging in such a melodramatic and long-winded argument was very harmful to you and to the relationship. The specifics of the give-and-take are essentially irrelevant, save for your understandable desire to stand up for yourself when she went posting shit on Facebook when she claimed she was sleeping.

Most significantly, she's now proven that she can be a loud drama queen, and you'll go right along and indulge - not merely tolerate, but actually reciprocate and amplify - girly histrionics. I believe that women want men to be men and above their lust for drama. They have girlfriends and celebrity gossip mags for drama, deep down they want their man to be the opposite: strong, aloof, and magnanimous about trivialities.

Relationship 101 for men

[richler]

Issues like respect must be addressed calmly, non-verbally and obliquely. Think of who demands "respect": the woman, the child and the ghetto urchin ("you disrespecting me?") — people without real power.

You cannot raise this issue past the surface of verbal interaction without it collapsing under its own weight and to your detriment.

[Party Pooper]

So you started a fight with a girl because she logged in on facebook after she texted you she went to sleep ?

[lowside]

[travolta]

(06-18-2014 07:34 PM)thedude3737 Wrote:  

OP, I wouldn't know where to begin here...my first reaction was a facepalm.

I only made it a few lines down and once I saw how much texting was going on, that was enough.

I'm not saying this to trash you. You need a harsh wakeup call and you've got a lot of catching up to do. I really mean it; I don't know where to begin.

You sound young, and you sound like you need a few hardcore failures in relationships to get up to speed. In lieu of that, here's my take.

I guess I'll just stick to the beginning since it all went downhill from there:

1) Facebook. Just get off that shit. Unless you're using it to post pictures of yourself with tons of hotties and using it to get more puss, get rid of it. Take an account of your life: Do things contribute to your life? Or detract? Take an honest inventory of your life. The things that detract; cut them out. Here you're getting into some argument over facebook, I can't even tell what but it just looks like high school drama, with one or both of you trying to make some point, "Yeah? Well YOU do THIS!". That's a loser's game and not worth playing.

2) "FYI don't get too comfortable..." Don't tell girls this message; show them. That is the distinction between alpha and betas trying to act alpha. Telling a girl you don't give a fuck is what betas that try to act alpha do. Showing a girl you don't give a fuck is what alphas do.

Your girl rightfully called you out on your bullshit because she can smell it from a mile away. You can't just read up on this shit and try to imitate it, you have to be the real deal. And of course as soon as she called you out on it, you buckled and dropped down like a cheap ho on nickel night. You got emotional, defensive, and started writing a bunch of longwinded crap all over text. Nothing about your response indicates you're detached. With every successive text you're essentially screaming to her, "Needy. NEEDY. NEEDY."

The good news is it's over, you hit the bottom, so now it's time to take account for what's happened. You'll either lose her, or you'll get a free pass this time. Either way, learn from your mistakes. I don't have it in me to tell you how to recover at this point, because I don't feel like writing a novel, but my best advice would be to cool it on the wannabe-alpha behavior until you do a lot more reading on the forum, do a lot more working out, get some more mileage under your belt, approach and bang some other girls, and push the red pill a little farther down.

You've got a ways to go.

This is the best response I've seen in this thread.

OP, you came across like a massive asshole in your texts. Not the good type of asshole, but a childish asshole that a lot of people want to punch in the face. The text exchange seems like the type that a girl would would talk about with another guy that she's fucking... the type of guy who would laugh at it, and the type who she knows would never react so intensely.

I find it way more powerful to withdraw attention (like going silent for a bit) rather than reacting so harshly.

[Sombro]

Having this whole argument via text rather than over the phone (or best yet, in person) is so millennial (read: beta).

Is this how guys argue nowadays? Furious pecking at their phones?

Tell her to state her case in person. Slouch back and let her let all the drama out, don't escalate it yourself.


OR
?

[thegiant]

Travolta, well shit here's to hoping that there is no other guy (yet).

She re initiated contact last night just by texting me "good night", I didnt respond. Normally I go see her on Friday nights. Should I extend the radio silence past Friday this time due to the severity of the circumstances?

Edit: what sucks is I was planning to take her to Vegas this weekend, but then this shit happened and now I think I need her to make the first apologetic move, not me, before I even bring up a fun trip together, correct?

[Party Pooper]

If you are going to ignore her for two days or more you are going to blow this unnecessairy fight even more out of proportion.

[kaotic]

Solid advice in this thread, lots of gold nuggets.

Admin should move this to newbie section.

TL;DR Advice: DON'T LET EMOTIONS TAKE CONTROL OF YOU.

[ThePianoMan]

You care way too much - even your responses to the think tank here are very beta. You've dug your hole, put a flag in it and force yourself to move on. Otherwise if she detects even an ounce of compromise from you, she will have you on a leash by the time things are done.

[Christian McQueen]

(06-19-2014 10:51 AM)thegiant Wrote:  

Travolta, well shit here's to hoping that there is no other guy (yet).

She re initiated contact last night just by texting me "good night", I didnt respond. Normally I go see her on Friday nights. Should I extend the radio silence past Friday this time due to the severity of the circumstances?

Edit: what sucks is I was planning to take her to Vegas this weekend, but then this shit happened and now I think I need her to make the first apologetic move, not me, before I even bring up a fun trip together, correct?

Never take sand to the beach. You know how many smoking sluts are in Vegas?

[Veloce]

(06-19-2014 10:51 AM)thegiant Wrote:  

Travolta, well shit here's to hoping that there is no other guy (yet).

She re initiated contact last night just by texting me "good night", I didnt respond. Normally I go see her on Friday nights. Should I extend the radio silence past Friday this time due to the severity of the circumstances?

Actually it would have been good to text her back, "night". She might send some more texts, THEN you go on radio silence. Remember, you want to always leave women wanting more. Some other posters mentioned calibration; you need to calibrate yourself to her attraction level. Right now it sounds like you are calibrated to her speech; this is the WORST place you can be with a woman. Calibrate yourself to her actions and to her attraction level to you, and act accordingly. There should be no question of when you contact her, you should just know based on the attraction signals you're getting from her. Forget that "1 to 2 day rule" or "2 to 3 day rule" or "3 to 5 day rule". Every girl is different and every situation is different. Learn to read your own girl.

Quote:

Edit: what sucks is I was planning to take her to Vegas this weekend, but then this shit happened and now I think I need her to make the first apologetic move, not me, before I even bring up a fun trip together, correct?

Speaking of calibration...

What is it about a Vegas trip that will increase her attraction to you? Not to mention McQueen's valid point...why the hell would you take a chick to Vegas anyway? If you're going to do something romantic, fine, but Vegas is where you go to let loose and forget all that shit and do what YOU want.

As far as recovering this situation, the less said, the better. The more you dwell on what happened, the more she'll be reminded of your behavior and lose attraction.

If I were you, I'd inspire some sympathy from her and say, "Tell you what, sorry I reacted the way I did. I've got a lot of shit on my mind right now. I need some time to sort things out and then we'll put this behind us."

That's showing initiative and shows her you're a man of action, not dwelling on the drama of the past. Saying, "I've got a lot of shit on my mind right now" is a gold statement, learn to use it. It makes you look more complex and mysterious to her, and also appeal to her sympathetic nature in wanting to help you out. If you can paint yourself out to be the tortured soul with some demons inside, that shit drives chicks nuts.

Meanwhile, your "time to sort things out" involves you going to Vegas and chasing some strange.

[RURALGAMER]

^^^I might have to agree. Say you overreacted. You lose this "upper hand" you failed to get anyhow.

Once you do this it becomes exponentially more important to never do that again.

[Christian McQueen]

"(Today 11:21 AM)thegiant Wrote:
Travolta, well shit here's to hoping that there is no other guy (yet).

She re initiated contact last night just by texting me "good night", I didnt respond. Normally I go see her on Friday nights. Should I extend the radio silence past Friday this time due to the severity of the circumstances?

Actually it would have been good to text her back, "night". She might send some more texts, THEN you go on radio silence. Remember, you want to always leave women wanting more. Some other posters mentioned calibration; you need to calibrate yourself to her attraction level. Right now it sounds like you are calibrated to her speech; this is the WORST place you can be with a woman. Calibrate yourself to her actions and to her attraction level to you, and act accordingly. There should be no question of when you contact her, you should just know based on the attraction signals you're getting from her. Forget that "1 to 2 day rule" or "2 to 3 day rule" or "3 to 5 day rule". Every girl is different and every situation is different. Learn to read your own girl.

Quote:
Edit: what sucks is I was planning to take her to Vegas this weekend, but then this shit happened and now I think I need her to make the first apologetic move, not me, before I even bring up a fun trip together, correct?

Speaking of calibration...

What is it about a Vegas trip that will increase her attraction to you? Not to mention McQueen's valid point...why the hell would you take a chick to Vegas anyway? If you're going to do something romantic, fine, but Vegas is where you go to let loose and forget all that shit and do what YOU want.

As far as recovering this situation, the less said, the better. The more you dwell on what happened, the more she'll be reminded of your behavior and lose attraction.

If I were you, I'd inspire some sympathy from her and say, "Tell you what, sorry I reacted the way I did. I've got a lot of shit on my mind right now. I need some time to sort things out and then we'll put this behind us."

That's showing initiative and shows her you're a man of action, not dwelling on the drama of the past. Saying, "I've got a lot of shit on my mind right now" is a gold statement, learn to use it. It makes you look more complex and mysterious to her, and also appeal to her sympathetic nature in wanting to help you out. If you can paint yourself out to be the tortured soul with some demons inside, that shit drives chicks nuts.

Meanwhile, your "time to sort things out" involves you going to Vegas and chasing some strange."

[thegiant]

Ok let me go back a bit - yes I know very well that you never bring sand to the beach. The problem is that I have to go to Vegas this weekend for work either way and she will know I'm there. For the last 4-5 times I had to attend industry events or work parties etc I successfully weaseled my way out of taking her but I feel like now if I do it AGAIN she might lose it. Yeah Vegas sucks to go with your LTR but I just felt like I'll go ahead and do something nice for her, cuz she loves Vegas, pool parties etc. Shit, probably more than I do. I'm just there for work but of course she thinks I'm cheating out there.

[Chapped3rdEye]

The first few pics were enough, shit is the opposite of suave

[Christian McQueen]

(06-19-2014 04:02 PM)thegiant Wrote:  

Ok let me go back a bit - yes I know very well that you never bring sand to the beach. The problem is that I have to go to Vegas this weekend for work either way and she will know I'm there. For the last 4-5 times I had to attend industry events or work parties etc I successfully weaseled my way out of taking her but I feel like now if I do it AGAIN she might lose it. Yeah Vegas sucks to go with your LTR but I just felt like I'll go ahead and do something nice for her, cuz she loves Vegas, pool parties etc. Shit, probably more than I do. I'm just there for work but of course she thinks I'm cheating out there.

If you don't bring her, meetup with myself and Dagonet, we'll be there this weekend.

[RURALGAMER]

(06-19-2014 04:02 PM)thegiant Wrote:  

Ok let me go back a bit - yes I know very well that you never bring sand to the beach. The problem is that I have to go to Vegas this weekend for work either way and she will know I'm there. For the last 4-5 times I had to attend industry events or work parties etc I successfully weaseled my way out of taking her but I feel like now if I do it AGAIN she might lose it. Yeah Vegas sucks to go with your LTR but I just felt like I'll go ahead and do something nice for her, cuz she loves Vegas, pool parties etc. Shit, probably more than I do. I'm just there for work but of course she thinks I'm cheating out there.

That sounds like all the wrong reasons for taking her.

Never been to Vegas myself. But I'm sure there is some cool shit to do with her. But doing it because you want to not to prevent her from shit testing you is the only good reason for taking her.


I'm planning a trip next month that is just a remote cabin on one of the great lakes. By myself. I intend to work on all sorts of projects that I feel like I need the seclusion to complete. I might take this girl I'm seeing though because 1. she knows why I'm going 2. she hasn't asked to go and 3. she is a solid woman that won't interrupt my shit.

If she made me feel like I needed to take her I would drop her. But I don't have a year invested.

[thegiant]

McQueen - I'm going tonight. When are you guys there?

[AneroidOcean]

(06-19-2014 04:02 PM)thegiant Wrote:  

Ok let me go back a bit - yes I know very well that you never bring sand to the beach. The problem is that I have to go to Vegas this weekend for work either way and she will know I'm there. For the last 4-5 times I had to attend industry events or work parties etc I successfully weaseled my way out of taking her but I feel like now if I do it AGAIN she might lose it. Yeah Vegas sucks to go with your LTR but I just felt like I'll go ahead and do something nice for her, cuz she loves Vegas, pool parties etc. Shit, probably more than I do. I'm just there for work but of course she thinks I'm cheating out there.

She, she, she, she, she, she.

Like I could give a flying fuck what a girl wants when I'm working. If it makes it convenient for ME, I'll bring her. Maybe you have her come in and you spend some time TOGETHER and ONLY together. Not "here's a free hotel room because you like Vegas and you bug me about it when I have to work"

If I were her hamster after you pulled this huge overreaction I'd be spiiiiiiiiinnnnning in Vegas.

Hamster: Oooh look at the hot guy at the hotel bar making that pretty cocktail, maybe I'll have fun and flirt with him for attention when my bf has to work tonight...

Hamster: Mmmm....maybe if my bf takes me to a nice restaurant and wines and dines me I'll let him fuck me in the hotel room tonight...but he'll probably be all boring and tired from work. I wish he'd just come in the hotel room, grab me, push me up against the wall, use his tie to handcuff me, then bend me over the bathroom counter and fuck me like a real man....

Hamster: I'll go hang out at the pool parties because I can work on my tan and just check out hot ripped guys....I won't do anything...but...well....god damn this guy is cute and making me wet....OOOOPS he's fingering me in the pool....OMG THIS IS SO HOT...but I can't....OMG I'm gonna cum!



And look dude, I'm really not trying to rip on you or even having a relationship or even doing nice things for your girl (when deserved). I recently did the following for the girl I'm dating right now:

* Came by her place, fixed something on her computer that her and her friend had been pulling their hair out about, then fixed something else that I noticed and pointed out (and she said she's been having trouble with that for months).

* Gave her a quick foot massage while I talked to her.

However, just a couple things she did the day before/after:

* Took the initiative to get a shopping list from me prior to a feast I hosted for my friends so she could shop for me while I worked, quite literally saved my ass timing-wise. Then she did all the prep work and helped clean up afterwards.

* Went out of her way to prep me food and bring it to me when I was working late.

[thegiant]

Lol it wouldn't be anything like that. She wants me to take her to edc or the clubs etc, I wouldn't leave her alone at the pool parties lol that's nuts. IN FACT I think the hamster will be spinning even harder if I go to Vegas and leave her alone in LA over the weekend where she can go completely crazy with her whorish girlfriends.

[Veloce]

Sometimes when I'm out by myself or with other forum members, I/we look around at all the dudes that bring their girlfriend or even wives out to night venues. We'll wonder outloud, "Who on earth would bring an LTR out to a bar with all these thirsty dudes out hunting?" This is why I've banged 3 married women and currently working on a 4th.

Looks like we got one on the forum.

Taking an LTR to EDC or Vegas clubs? You must be out of your mind.

[thegiant]

Thedude - like I said above - chances are higher that she'll do something stupid if I leave her alone in LA over the weekend, MAD AT ME, knowing there's a possibility I'm with some other chick.

LA is filled with thirsty model type dudes. If we lived in Bumfuck, Kansas I'd completely agree with you.

[RURALGAMER]

Wow man.

A year from now come back and read some of this stuff.