[nek]

I do this WAY too much, and am not living in the moment enough. I think about hypothetical situations vs. the actual situation i'm in. I'm quite the busy body as a result to combat this, but the moment there's a pause, my mind is racing, and usually for the negative. Even in social settings, if it's a situation that's not physically engaging (i.e. hanging out at a BBQ vs. playing volleyball), immediately I start going back into this living in my head mode, and people around me notice it too. Any ideas? I couldn't find anything via the search function, and I got a hunch there's more than a few guys on here that are like this.

[Renberg]

Most people are like this at some point or points in their lives. I definitely have, more-so used-to-have a problem with thinking about the hypothetical and actual situation, and there are a couple things making me overcome my fears and step it the fuck up.

Some of these are:

The Forum: Reading about game, in its entirety -- the SUCCESSES and the FAILURES -- has enabled me to become more confident in myself and to do things I normally wouldn't do.

Self-Pep/Prep Talks: I have, since I had trouble with sports-related performing anxiety many years back, held that self-motivational speeches are some of the most empowering things you can do. For me, whether I'm going out with friends or playing a gig, this helps a ton.

Going out of my comfort zone: Do things you normally wouldn't do. Test yourself, but fuck punishment. What's the worst that can happen? Temporary embarrassment, a slight trip...but think about how great it will be to transcend your current position in life.

Just my two cents,
Renberg

[travolta]

Accomplish something. Change yourself. Gain real self-confidence and you won't be in your head so much. Reading a forum isn't going to make any real difference.

[Renberg]

(06-04-2014 11:20 PM)travolta Wrote:  

Accomplish something. Change yourself. Gain real self-confidence and you won't be in your head so much. Reading a forum isn't going to make any real difference.

I mentioned the forum because it inspired me to get out of my shell and game women; it aided an achievement of personal goals. And I know I'm not the only one on here who feels that way.

[nek]

(06-04-2014 11:13 PM)Renberg Wrote:  

think about how great it will be to transcend your current position in life.

I like this.

[Rotisserie]

Check out the Myers Briggs thread. Certain personality types, like mine (INTJ) are more prone to this. Yes, everyone goes through it, but people with 'introverted intuition' (as opposed to extroverted sensing) are often characterized as 'living in their head,' just like you say in your thread title.

Unfortunately, I'm not a great resource because I'm trying to figure this out myself. The obvious thing you'll hear from everyone is approach approach approach... and yes, you do need that to build socialization skills.

But in the mean time, work out and get jacked, and work on your lifestyle, so you can stand head and shoulders over the sea of guys that just have normal 9-5s making <100K with a beer belly to show for it. There's something to be said for wooing a girl with charisma, but I particularly like the ego boost of a fine girl being animalistically attracted to just my physical features.

A useful shortcut is to drink. This will lower your inhibitions and get you in a more 'sensing' state, or at least that's what happens to me. I stop giving a fuck. So many girls have told me I'm so much better when I'm drunk.

TLDR - try to not give a fuck. Easier said than done, but that's the essence.

[Bergalerg]

I used to be like this bad where I had 1 friend and couldn't talk well to other people because I always wanted the "ideal" situation to talk to someone, or I thought that I could only say something if it was good enough. Force yourself to do one thing every day that scares you. Me and my friend applied this concept and it gets you talking to people you normally wouldn't and getting into situations so awkward that simply approaching someone or saying what is on your mind to a random person becomes normal. You just have to act instantly and not let yourself think about it at all. Once you see a hot girl make that your thing that day to go say hi to her. You just have to make it your mission and have 0 hesitation and act like you are getting paid to do it. You have to understand that talking to people will pay you in confidence and ultimately pussy.

[CaP7]

D&P had an article and podcast this week about this. I've been working on it too. When I conscientiously think about it, the exercises work.

Check it out.

[2014]

Set a goal and achieve it.

Start small, and build up to bigger things.

Let's say for example you just want to be able to run 5 KM without stopping. Start off with what you can do, and the next time keep building on it and building on it till you reach your goal.

Nothing in life gives you more pleasure than reaching a goal. Nothing.

It will free your mind. Get out of mental masturbation and just make some goals and go about achieving them.

[lowside]

you need to see this movie lol



i do this way too much too. even more when i was younger.

a couple of things work for me:

- keeping busy
- stay off the smartphone and laptop
- concentrating on the task at hand
- when someone is talking, look at their face/eyes, try to concentrate and listen, then respond
- don't listen to music on my phone with earplugs in

[EisenBarde]

Make a concerted effort to interact with other people. Go to the store and talk up the cashier. Say hello to some other regular at your local coffee shop. Hell, say Good Morning to passers by.

[Cyclone]

Pickup girls at clubs.
.

[Parlay44]

Ritalin

[Noir]

Nek! I feel you brother, I am going through a similar phase. I begun reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and it has been helping me.

I believe I analyze things excessively, especially if I am high.

My main take aways from the book are 'watching the thinker' and 'questioning the now''.
By watching the thinker, I disassociate myself from myself and my mind. The voice in my head is not myself (the one doing the thinking). I observe my thought patterns, without judgment or investment. I simply just notice the most common thought patterns and I don't give it any more attention. I take deep breaths and I focus on my environment. The colours, the smells. I engage my senses and become more aware.

This has helped me with other people as well, you become observant and you can pick up vibes easier. Especially when you are tuned in to the frequency of your surroundings and can appreciate everything around you without questioning.

The difficult part arises from mental scenarios. I am ambitious and I often think about the future. Akin to osmosis, I let the positive thoughts enter my brain (i.e affirmations/visualizations) and I forbid the negative thoughts (oh shit, what if I don't do xyz) from entering.

Upon noticing any negative future projection affecting my current mental state, I look around and I 'question the now'. Do I have any problems at this current moment? No. Do I want anything else than what I have now to achieve happiness RIGHT NOW? No. I am happy with the now and I am happy with the present.

I don't tie my emotional state to my past failures or future successes. I enjoy what I am doing right now for not only could I die at any moment but I am a sum of everything which has happened until now and I cannot change that- just accept it and try your best to be the person you aspire to be through your actions. It is your current state of mind that plants the seed for you to grow in to the person you want to become.

Time is a construct to organize lives. Unfortunately it pollutes our emotional state as it is the currency of life.

[Bill]

Difficult, but it can be done but it will cost time and money as you have to invest in your mood imho. In my case I need a bullet proof routine. I think the most important part is developing humor then comes the classics: enough sleep, wake up early, read, voice training, cold showers etc. . These things need some time to make a habit out of it. Also you have to accept that you are not superman and you will only get few things out of life. But you may be slightly happy which is huge enough imho.

[Steve9]

(06-04-2014 10:55 PM)nek Wrote:  

I do this WAY too much, and am not living in the moment enough.

Take up surfing, snowboarding or yoga.

[RexImperator]

Look into mindfulness meditation. There are a few threads here about it.

[Slick Shimmer]

(06-04-2014 10:55 PM)nek Wrote:  

I do this WAY too much, and am not living in the moment enough. I think about hypothetical situations vs. the actual situation i'm in. I'm quite the busy body as a result to combat this, but the moment there's a pause, my mind is racing, and usually for the negative. Even in social settings, if it's a situation that's not physically engaging (i.e. hanging out at a BBQ vs. playing volleyball), immediately I start going back into this living in my head mode, and people around me notice it too. Any ideas? I couldn't find anything via the search function, and I got a hunch there's more than a few guys on here that are like this.

Keep a notebook, commit concepts to paper. Even if you don't use them for anything. Try to push the boundaries of these concepts. Meditiate, drink coffee, run as fast as you can, etc.

[freewheeler]

-sleep (are you consistently getting the sleep that makes you feel awesome?)
-living mindfully (meditation--huge, do not overlook this)
-optimizing your nutrition (paleo helps me)
-take so much action that you stop thinking (RSD tyler has a good video on this, building momentum vs self-image paradigm on youtube)
-progressively and consistently expand your comfort zone
-take more initiative in social situations, talk to everyone, use every opportunity you can to be more social instead of sitting around in your head

I've been reading the mood cure by julia ross and she mentions 4 false mood states that arise when you are deficient in various neurotransmitters, I've yet to try out the supplementation protocol but the advice is solid.

Here's a shortened version of the book with only the mood questionnaires and protocols:

http://www.tantor.com/Extras/B0582_MoodC..._PDF_1.pdf

I'd try out the neurotransmitter supplementation while optimizing your nutrition and sleep, plus making a commitment to live more mindfully throughout your day. This should help you be more at ease even while on your own and then layer on taking more initiative in social situations and building social momentum, which will put you over the top.

[Parlay44]

You have to do something that snaps you into the forefront of reality in front of you. Something that demands your focus and attention. Take up boxing or martial arts or something. If you retreat to the back of your mind you'll get your ass kicked

[Jackreacher]

You can't stop living in your own head. Everyone lives this way, except an extremely small few in the world. What you can do is reduce the degree you do this, but ultimately if you want to stop doing that altogether you're going to have to make an incredible sacrifice so I'd advise you go towards reduction. To do this successfully you want to get yourself focused on the present as best you can. How you do this is an individual matter and I can offer some shortcuts but for the most part the only moment you ever have is now this should be brought to your awareness as often as possible, remind yourself when your thoughts stray to memories that the past although it existed at some point it is no longer actual. Remind yourself when your thoughts stray to an imagined future that although the future will exist it is also not actual. This is your only moment of being alive. Death is only a missed heartbeat or two away for anyone presently living.

http://actualfreedom.com.au/richard/auto...ageone.htm

Also take trips to see nature. Spear fishing in crystal blue waters will keep you from living in your head(it worked for me big time). This method is a panacea though. My first recommendation will deliver the goods for the long term.

Nutrition will help make sure you're taking everything you can for a healthy mind/body/gut healthy gut is important it's deeply connected to your emotional state.

[No Habit]

Empty your mind.....be formless...shapeless.......like water.

[magellan]

From my own experience, you can't fundamentally change this about yourself. I think it's like temperament.

I'm at my best when I'm fully engaged in something. In groups, my attention tends to drift, but it helps if you look at it as a game. My boys call me out for being different when there are girls around. With pussy around, I'm fully engaged. I'm leading conversation, telling jokes, being the man, etc. because I look at it as a game, and that engages me. When it's just my friends I'm more passive and it's just occasional shit talk here and there - I don't feel pressured to be actively engaged the entire time.

To engage yourself it will take conscious effort over time.

As for when you're alone, I don't have any great advice. I fuck myself on this all the time. Just gotta stay busy however you can with either something you enjoy or something that is worthwhile.

[Antares]

I have issues with this same problem, always struggled with it. I have seen a few therapists over the years and have been diagnosed with OCD tenancies. Primarily, this type of thinking seems to lean on the "Obsessive" as opposed to the "Compulsive". For me one of the biggest things that has helped is becoming aware of the way you think and reinforcing the mentality you want to have on yourself. Essentially, you get out of your head by forcing yourself out of your head. I still struggle with it a lot, but that has been what helps me. Maybe it will help you, too.

[runsonmagic]

As someone who has lived a significant amount of my time in my head, I've found these to help:

- Meditation
- Healthy Eating
- Weightlifting
- Martial Arts
- Improv
- Acting Classes
- Dance Classes
- Unstructured Play
- Setting aside time for random exploring
- Sex
- Kinky Sex
- Not having enough time to overthink projects
- Team sports
- Chanting

You probably don't need all of these, but they could all work as a permission slip to get you into the moment NOW.