[Beyond Borders]

Don't let her fuck with you over it too much - it maybe a tough pill for her to swallow, but you weren't exclusive, so stand your ground on it not being some type of cheating at all.

My guess is she's going to give you shit for a while, say she can't "do this" anymore, and give an ultimatum. It's an emotional sequence I imagine most of us have been through quite often.

You like her, so just tell her you're ready to be exclusive and stop playing field now. Doesn't mean you have to feel bad about anything or suck up to her though.

By the way, don't meet up in public. Meet at your place. That way you can argue/banter for a while and then have makeup sex. No sense in going to a restaurant where you'll have to transition an upset woman back to your place. Returning to intimacy will be the key to bringing this full circle.

[Closer68]

(01-08-2014 06:39 PM)augen sehen Wrote:  

(01-08-2014 06:01 PM)Closer68 Wrote:  

In that case, I recommend telling her you did it because you were afraid of getting hurt, she wasn't giving you enough attention, etc. Convey emotional vulnerability and do not make this about sex. The little hamster thinks men are the same as women so this is the time to play that angle up.

Thanks, my view was similar. There was a point where I did get pissed at her when she invited another dude one time when we were out with friends, and I can link this back to that. I'll say that I was hurt and didn't know how much exclusivity she wanted when she brought that other dude.

I like this approach but do not like the part about not knowing whether or not she wanted exclusivity. You're the man here so it's about what you want (which is her!) and her not behaving accordingly. I wouldn't hide your serious intentions for her.

(01-08-2014 06:57 PM)Days of Broken Arrows Wrote:  

women prefer men who cheat, on some level. It shows those men have options. The other option is you're clingy loser who other women don't want. She now knows women want you -- not just her. She might be angry in the micro, but in the macro she's impressed.

Well said.

(01-08-2014 07:12 PM)augen sehen Wrote:  

Is two days too early to reach out?

NEVER let the pussy go cold. There's no such thing as a single woman - they swing from one vine to the next. If you don't text her she very well may call up some dude and bang him. Under normal circumstances, that doesn't matter... but you said you want her to be your wife... so.... yeah.

I'd text her now with something like "I knew you never truly cared about me."

[BahamaPapa]

(01-08-2014 05:52 PM)Courage Reborn Wrote:  

Game 101: Don' talk about other women.

This is not about exclusivity. You projected that. This is about her feelings getting hurt. She's feeling like an idiot because she assumed, incorrectly, that she had you to herself. Her bad. Not yours.

Your options are to give her exclusivity now, along with your balls and dignity. Or hold frame, don't contact her until she re-initiates, and at that point, you discuss what each of you wants moving forward, and move on.

This. Courage nailed it.

[teh_skeeze]

She doesn't live with you, and you are a grown man. You should have thrown her the fuck out for going through your shit without your permission. Get in contact with the one you broke it off with and go chase other girls. You already blew the opportunity to have it your way with her. Time to move on.

[Tytalus]

If you're not upfront about what you want from the relationship (either of you) and have the communication issues to not even discuss such stuff from the beginning... Start over.

If you want to look at how to play the long term relationship game, read Athol Kay's Married Man Sex Life. Join his forum. Get some new perspective. Women who want to marry want a loyal man. Screwing another chick while going out is actually DLV in this case and just makes you look like an immature tool "but we didn't say we were exclusive...!" Isn't worth shit to a respectable woman worth marrying.

[Christian McQueen]

" Women who want to marry want a loyal man. Screwing another chick while going out is actually DLV in this case and just makes you look like an immature tool "but we didn't say we were exclusive...!" Isn't worth shit to a respectable woman worth marrying."

^Lol. The male hamster at work.

Women are women whether they are sluts wanting gangbangs or prudes wanting marriage with the fixings'.

Game works on both.

Women love a man who is desired by other women and who chooses to do what HE wants, when HE wants and doesn't cower and bend to her demands.

[augen sehen]

(01-08-2014 11:41 PM)Closer68 Wrote:  

I like this approach but do not like the part about not knowing whether or not she wanted exclusivity. You're the man here so it's about what you want (which is her!) and her not behaving accordingly. I wouldn't hide your serious intentions for her.

(01-08-2014 07:12 PM)augen sehen Wrote:  

Is two days too early to reach out?

NEVER let the pussy go cold. There's no such thing as a single woman - they swing from one vine to the next. If you don't text her she very well may call up some dude and bang him. Under normal circumstances, that doesn't matter... but you said you want her to be your wife... so.... yeah.

I'd text her now with something like "I knew you never truly cared about me."

It's now morning here, we had the fight last night. She hasn't reached out yet. Shall I wait until one more day and text, "Two days and you haven't reached out. I knew you never truly cared about me."

McQueen, I am all ears right now, I want to do this by the book as the people here with more experience tell me to, here I am torn between the various courses of action, i.e. whether to wait a day or a week, and what to actually text her. One thing is for sure - I will maintain my frame that I have done nothing wrong and she overreacted, and if we get back together it'll be on my terms, including that she can't hold this against me in future fights.

I personally don't think wife-material is exempt from the law of female nature, so I think she'll be back and if not then so be it.

[Lady Luck]

Be Passionless, when she comes back it's all on your terms.

[RenewalMan]

I knew you never truly cared about me? That sounds like something you would say if you want to give her all the power. I'm no veteran of text game but to me that seems like a terrible thing to say. Maybe just call her up and tell her to come over for some drinks and pretend nothing happened, holding a strong frame. She's likely to get over it fairly quickly.
You will have to have the exclusivity conversation, but let her bring that up. Let her play into your frame and hold the upper hand, especially if you want this one as a keeper. If you give her the power now you'll never get it back.

[Handsome Creepy Eel]

I think you should treat as if you broke up (because from all accounts you did) and employ standard "get back the ex-girlfriend" techniques. That is, don't contact her until she contacts you, when she does be warm but unavailable as if there were no problems and you were just a bit busy, raise the tension by doing so until she suggests to meet, then meet her, behave like you're on a first date, and bang. You're now back in the relationship, but on your terms. For more information on how it might go, have a look at this ( http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2007/04/1...irlfriend/ ), especially the comments from the guy named "andy" below the post. I've successfully employed this a few times now.

That said, if you have such a lust for other pussy, are you sure that you want to marry her? And you sure you want to marry someone controlling enough to (openly) count condoms in your box?

[Benoit]

(01-09-2014 04:15 AM)augen sehen Wrote:  

It's now morning here, we had the fight last night. She hasn't reached out yet. Shall I wait until one more day and text, "Two days and you haven't reached out. I knew you never truly cared about me."

McQueen, I am all ears right now, I want to do this by the book as the people here with more experience tell me to, here I am torn between the various courses of action, i.e. whether to wait a day or a week, and what to actually text her. One thing is for sure - I will maintain my frame that I have done nothing wrong and she overreacted, and if we get back together it'll be on my terms, including that she can't hold this against me in future fights.

I personally don't think wife-material is exempt from the law of female nature, so I think she'll be back and if not then so be it.

You are coming across as confused here, the text message seems needy and at odds with your final statement.

You can't make another person do anything they don't want to, so stop thinking of ways to get her back. Start thinking about whether you will accept her back if she reaches out.

She broke your trust by snooping through your stuff.
You were honest and open with her, she freaked out.

Is that the behaviour you're willing to accept from your future wife (and the mother of your future children)?

Go into any interaction with her with it clear in your head what outcomes and commitments you want to see / make.

[Ensam]

(01-09-2014 04:15 AM)augen sehen Wrote:  

It's now morning here, we had the fight last night. She hasn't reached out yet. Shall I wait until one more day and text, "Two days and you haven't reached out. I knew you never truly cared about me."

For the love of god do not text that. It's probably best you're not interacting with her right now because you don't seem to be in the right frame of mind. Crippler and Handsome Creepy Eel have the right idea and as always McQueens advice is gold. Just sit back and chill for a while - maybe even a week or more. Let her come to you. Acting needy and possessive is just going to drive her away or set up a weird dynamic you're going to have a hard time recovering from. Do not initiate contact with her until you can do it as calmly as asking your great aunt sally out for high tea.

[Days of Broken Arrows]

I was so wrapped up in the general idea of your post, I glossed over a specific someone else mentioned: "We were in my room, and she saw my condom box (big mistake since we aren't using condoms anymore) and checked inside, and saw that there weren't the same amount as when she last looked."

This is not normal behavior. This is control freak behavior. I'm changing my recommendation above to "wait for her to call." Believe me, you don't want to get someone like this pregnant or get serious and become too involved. I've seen what these types "evolve" into. There is a reason the unbearable, dominating wife on "Everybody Loves Raymond" was so popular. Too many women are like this and while their looks make up for it until about age 23, it becomes a horror story after that.

For what it's worth, I once had a girl like this. She used to go through the computers of guys she dated searching for porn. She also once caused a fight because (get this) she claimed I got an erection from seeing Sharon Stone in a movie while she was sitting beside me. She felt that and the porn were a form of cheating. (Not making this up.)

Eventually, she got so pissed at me she vowed never to speak to me and banned me from calling. She finally called. Five years and one month later. From a psych ward of a hospital, where she'd been admitted.

And so the moral of this story, I guess, is that these types do come back.

[Beyond Borders]

(01-09-2014 04:15 AM)augen sehen Wrote:  

(01-08-2014 11:41 PM)Closer68 Wrote:  

I like this approach but do not like the part about not knowing whether or not she wanted exclusivity. You're the man here so it's about what you want (which is her!) and her not behaving accordingly. I wouldn't hide your serious intentions for her.

(01-08-2014 07:12 PM)augen sehen Wrote:  

Is two days too early to reach out?

NEVER let the pussy go cold. There's no such thing as a single woman - they swing from one vine to the next. If you don't text her she very well may call up some dude and bang him. Under normal circumstances, that doesn't matter... but you said you want her to be your wife... so.... yeah.

I'd text her now with something like "I knew you never truly cared about me."

It's now morning here, we had the fight last night. She hasn't reached out yet. Shall I wait until one more day and text, "Two days and you haven't reached out. I knew you never truly cared about me."

[augen sehen]

(01-09-2014 07:57 AM)Handsome Creepy Eel Wrote:  

I think you should treat as if you broke up (because from all accounts you did) and employ standard "get back the ex-girlfriend" techniques.

That said, if you have such a lust for other pussy, are you sure that you want to marry her? And you sure you want to marry someone controlling enough to (openly) count condoms in your box?

She has never actually counted the condoms, but it was pretty obvious because I got a different brand (they were in a different box and she actually opened that box and looked inside, it wasn't like the new box was out in plain sight) and she asked what happened to the other ones, asking "didn't you have almost the whole box of those?" ... in her defense. She's definitely not controlling or psycho, at least no more so than most girls that I've seen. Her main thing was "you should have told me that you were with other girls" to which my reply was "why should I tell you everything that happens in my life, we weren't exclusive".

Regarding the other pussy, I actually liked the other girl in the beginning, much more my type but she turned out a bit crazy and meanwhile my view of this girl changed from "self-absorbed blonde chick" to someone who cooked for me and made an effort to please me. That's why I wanted to go exclusive with her and even if/when it does get to marriage, it's not going to be right away, but I saw the signs I was looking for.

(01-09-2014 08:23 AM)Ensam Wrote:  

For the love of god do not text that. It's probably best you're not interacting with her right now because you don't seem to be in the right frame of mind. Crippler and Handsome Creepy Eel have the right idea and as always McQueens advice is gold. Just sit back and chill for a while - maybe even a week or more. Let her come to you. Acting needy and possessive is just going to drive her away or set up a weird dynamic you're going to have a hard time recovering from. Do not initiate contact with her until you can do it as calmly as asking your great aunt sally out for high tea.

Ok, it's going to be the hardest thing ever but I'm going to stop myself from contacting her. My concern with not calling her is that she'll think I don't really care and I'm a stone cold player. She has my phone too (and I have her tennis racket) so I guess I don't know if she's just going to go zero-contact now, she may tell me to come pick it up somewhere if she wants to be through.

[Satoshi]

If I wanna date several girls at the same time, when should I tell them I'm not exclusive to one of them? There is a book I started to read The Ethical Slut but it's a boring read and I don't feel like reading through it.'

http://zinelibrary.info/files/The_Ethical_Slut.pdf

[Wahawahwah]

Dude.
These are the beginnings of one-itis.

Remember this now, and forever -
The day you become afraid of losing her is the day you start (losing her).

This is still salvageable, but you have GOT to be unflappable.
Not in the player sort of "yeah i have a whole harem i dont give a fuck" way.
Because you DO care, and that's fine.

The problem is, she is hurt that you slept with another girl.
Whatever, but there's nothing for you to be ashamed of.

The more guilty you feel, the more it will reflect in your behaviour even if you try to employ the aloof alpha male strategy...you will revert eventually.
The more she thinks you're guilty, the more she will hate you for it.
The more she hates you, the easier it is for her to push the whole blame on you and dump you.

You have to be aloof, because she's acting like irrationally.
You care for her, because she's still "your" girl.
But you did nothing wrong, and if she feels that way, then well, its the end.

That is the frame you want to keep.

Let her doubt herself, give her a chance to convince herself she loves you too much to walk away, that staying away from you is so hard (like you're telling yourself right now).

What she convinces herself depends on how you react.


Next time you meet, tell her yes, you've fucked around when you were not exclusive.
Ask her, "are we going exclusive?"
She'll flap around and say that you were always exclusive that,it was implied,start crying or assorted drama.
Your job is to stand still. Show no emotion. Let her wail or shout or abuse you for a while. Then physically stop her. Look her dead in the eye. Ask her again, slowly, forcefully... "Are.we.going.exclusive?"

Ignore whatever she answers.

Frown slightly, tell her you like her.
And walk away.

Maintain radio silence till she tries to get back in touch...and a little while after she does.

Give her time to miss you, to be scared of losing you.
Let her convince herself how much she really loves you, and how you were not wrong.

Maintain your sanity.

good luck

[Benoit]

Unless you're willing to walk away, you are not in control of the frame.

You are letting her set the rules of engagement because of your investment in her.

Get off the forum and out of the house. Go visit friends, watch a movie, see a band. Refresh your perspective on life - you haven't been diagnosed with incurable cancer, your genitals haven't been shredded in a freak vacuum cleaner accident.

Even if she hates you and you never see her again, you can get another one. There are lots out there, if you're not willing to even put in the effort to look for a replacement then why do you deserve this one?

[CJ]

This is pretty much over. Once trust is broken it's impossible to restore it to the level it once was. This girl will always wonder if you're hiding other girls behind her back, and because you confirmed her suspicions, her paranoia will only get worse.

Just move on, and try to be more careful next time.

[FilipSRB]

In my experience, when girls search for evidence of infidelity it is because they are hoping to find one.

[augen sehen]

(01-09-2014 12:05 PM)FilipSRB Wrote:  

In my experience, when girls search for evidence of infidelity it is because they are hoping to find one.

What does that mean? That she was hoping to break up with me in this way?

[samsamsam]

(01-09-2014 10:05 AM)Sharkie Wrote:  

Dude.
These are the beginnings of one-itis.

I think he fell down the sewer hole of one-itis.

Jokingly of course, this feels like a rescue mission. Some care enough to give advice, while others have already given up the search, because it doesn't seem like augen sehen is listening to the advice. This may become pure entertainment for some on the board.

(01-09-2014 12:07 PM)augen sehen Wrote:  

(01-09-2014 12:05 PM)FilipSRB Wrote:  

In my experience, when girls search for evidence of infidelity it is because they are hoping to find one.

What does that mean? That she was hoping to break up with me in this way?

Yes, that she couldn't just break up with you, because she didn't want to feel bad about herself. She needed to make you the bad guy so she could remain the innocent one, the victim.

Regardless, if you think she is the one to marry - you have some more information about who she is. Which in a way, is a blessing. Better to discover who she is (or thinks she is) sooner than later.

It seems just practicing some restraint would be good from a memory muscle perspective, the ability not to give in to a women. It is ok to give a shit but it should be from a conscious choice and not a subconscious/reactionary perspective, where she controls you.

I wish you luck!

[augen sehen]

I think what's coloring my perception is that I was planning to go exclusive with her, and then this happened. It's fucking with my head. I have no problem walking away like I did from the other girl but it doesn't seem like this is a time when I should, because I had already given her value in my mind by considering making her my GF.

I haven't contacted the other girl yet either, I've been busy preparing for an interview.

[eradicator]

I'll chime in.

She fucked up here, you did nothing wrong. You never had an exclusive relationship with her, you never had that conversation, that was her bad, not yours.

This is not a woman you want in your life. The counting condoms and checking to see if they are the same brand is controlling and creepy.

My advice differs from the rest here: Next her and do not contact her. Even if she does contact you to tell you she is sorry she fucked up, I would not take her back into your life. If anything I would text something like "I had no idea you could be so controlling. I want healthy relationships, you've proven you aren't capable of that" if she does apologize for her shitty behavior. But it sounds like she thinks you fucked up and she is right to be outraged and upset.

You are looking at this all wrong: you dodged a bullet here.

[Closer68]

(01-09-2014 09:27 AM)augen sehen Wrote:  

my view of this girl changed from "self-absorbed blonde chick" to someone who cooked for me and made an effort to please me. That's why I wanted to go exclusive with her and even if/when it does get to marriage, it's not going to be right away, but I saw the signs I was looking for.

All that matters is what you think, how you feel, and what you want. None of us on this board, including me, matters one bit. I'd be very careful and think twice before you take the advice of guys 10 years younger than you who are in a different phase in life.

If you like this girl - and you say that you do - then you need to do what it takes to get her back. Oneitis is a bad thing when you CAN'T get other chicks, so it's an important concept for AFCs to familiarize themselves with early on. But you're out here fucking multiple chicks - that's clearly not your problem. Once you've got game and you know how to pull chicks, I find oneitis to be underrated. There should be one special girl in your life i.e. "wifey."

I don't see any benefit to making her come to you, waiting it out, etc. At the same time do NOT apologize but you can totally do the vulnerable/emotional thing here, as previously discussed.