[pitt]

I am sure most of us on this forum are really interesting people,you can just tell by the quality of posts that can be found on the forum (most of you seem way traveled, highly educated, good income and so fourth). And I have met few of you, you are all cool cats.

Till few months ago i always thought i was going to be single forever, I would laugh when somebody would ask me ''when are you going to settle down?''. However, the longer you stay outside the western world and the more you deal with feminine women, the more you are likely to find somebody who you want to seriously date.

I am currently dating this amazing chick, for once in my life I am considering a serious relationship, even though I don't know how long this is going to last.

My question to you guys is: why are most of you guys single (I'm specifically talking to guys over 30)? Is it because the right women never came along? Is it a lifestyle decision? To guys that never lived outside the western world i wold probably understand you but there are many of us who spend lots of time outside the western world.

I am 27, maybe there are things that I just can't understand at the moment.

Mods: Feel free to put this on the game section but i wanted to put it here so i can hear from the lifestyle heads.

[Steve9]

Good question.

I think one of the reasons is that both men and women are extremely picky these days. We get exposed to all these "perfect" people in the media, and there are so many options to meet new girls through work, nightlife, hobbies, online, etc.

So we can be in a relationship with a great girl, but won't commit because we think we can find someone better or hotter.

[SeanBateman]

I'm 30 now and was in long term relationships with beautiful but crazy and emotionally immature chicks for nearly all of my 20's. I viewed women differently than I do now for most of that time and I thought that there was reasoning behind their words and actions. I tried to make those relationships work on a peer or equal partner kind of level, and it kept blowing up in my face. It took me a while to figure out that I have to build my own life and grant girls the privilege of being a part of it if they behave correctly, rather than trying to make it a cooperative effort with shared decision making. In the context of a relationship girls want leadership and not friendship, whether they realize it or not. And for me personally it took a lot of wasted effort and time to figure that out. But to answer your question, now that I view women in this way I don't differentiate much between them in an emotional sense and I don't pursue anything with them beyond the bang because I don't want anything beyond the bang. Maybe in five or ten years I will feel the desire to have kids so at that time I will pick a girl who is young and beautiful and not too much of a bitch (and not American) and have children with her. But short of that having a "serious girlfriend" isn't something I want after having done it for so many years. I don't want to meet her trashy parents, I don't want to accompany her to the wedding of her formerly slutty friend who is now getting married to some poor bastard, I don't want to have to make big plans for her birthday, and I don't want to have a drawn out discussion about what to watch on Netflix every night. Some flirty banter and casual companionship that are lead-ins to the bang are all I seek in terms of a relationship, and if that can happen with more than one girl in a given week then that is ideal. Maybe that will change in the future, but I think I will be in this mindset for at least a few more years.

[ralphi]

If a girl was cool to a guy on this forum when he was young, like 18/19 then got married and had kids then he probably wouldn't be here. I think a poll was done on this forum (can't find it now) and at least 60% of the guys who answered the poll here were adamantly against wife-ing a girl with over 5 previous partners and half of that 60% said zero previous partners. Once a guy gets to be in his late twenties there is a good chance he has already seen too much and knows better. Women putting off marriage gives us time to smarten up otherwise almost all of us would be married by now and we would be too invested in the system to do anything else. Like guys were in the 1950's.

Time is on our side.

[cardguy]

I have never had a girlfriend and I'm 31. Not sure why - just something that never appealed to me. In the same way I never wanted to have a dog and so on...

Still - if I had to break it down it would be this. I hate compromising. I don't mind doing somebody else's shit when I am at work. But I zealously guard the rest of my life. I hate the idea of losing my freedom. Even for a single day.

Also - my biggest hobby is reading books. So - again - there is very little in my interests and hobbies which would be improved by having a chick nagging me to put down my book and go pick out some curtains at Ikea.

I think I am very much an outlier. Indeed - I don't understand relationships. I mean - sex with the same chick gets a bit boring after awhile. And personality wise - I have met fifty guys who are cooler and more interesting than the most interesting chick I have met. So - if wanting to hang out with a cool person was a big factor for me - it would be more logical to be gay (which would never happen).

Still - I remember as a kid being really annoyed by love stories in films. It just seemed to slow up an otherwise exciting film. So - I may be an outlier of some kind. I think I have a genetic quirk (which I definitely see in my dad) which makes me uninterested in relationships with girls.

[SeanBateman]

Interesting, somewhat the opposite of me. I was more romantic when I was younger and gladly gave up some freedoms to "be in love" with a girl. A series of bad relationships made me either more cynical or realistic, depending on how you look at it. To quote a recent ROK post:

"The kindness, understanding, and patience I was giving them was not being reciprocated, and if anything was only provoking anger from their frantic, convoluted minds."

[WestIndianArchie]

Deep question.

I don't have a good answer.

It's not because there haven't been opportunities.
It's not because I haven't tried.

Maybe I just value my freedom too much.

Not the freedom to fuck other chicks...real freedom.

WIA

[Evolute]

This is actually an interesting question I've thought about. Although I'm only in my early 20s and maybe I'm too young to have an definite opinion of this but I'll share my view anyway.

The reason, for me, is very simple. I just don't see the point in having a relationship. I love many women and hence I don't want to limit myself to just one in order to have a relationship. Because that is exactly how my view of a relationship is; an agreement of the kind "Now we are in a relationship and that means that you cannot do that/that/that...", and frankly I don't like that. I am principally against it. And I think this is a lifestyle choice for sure. Do you guys share this?

[DVY]

Had an over-aggresive mom and grew up in a rule-structured environment that I hated. I have a real disdain for authority, and I see how my mom is, and its the exact opposite of what I want in a "relationship". That plus the constant flow of pussy in my life.

[gadabout]

I used to think I was doing things the wrong way around. I spent most of my 20s in and out of long term relationships because I genuinely enjoyed the whole camaraderie aspect and deep emotional bonding . But something switched in my brain hitting 30 like I was all of a sudden on somekind kind of inane mission to live out my youth with a bang (No pun intended). AS it works out i value those past relationships more now than I would have ever done in my thirties.
Everytime you sleep with a girl you take a little piece of her and if you don't respect that you ruin her for the next man and so on... so when you are intent on banging loads of chicks you need to be emotionally equipped to deal with her and your own emotions. Contrary to half the forum women are not all sluts ...they just like sex.
The problem I face now is that once you get a taste of variety the possibilities feel endless and it can be hard to relax back into the more conventional boyfriend girlfriend situation.

[Tuthmosis]

I'm single, but I've had extended LTRs in the past. I'm willing to park the game for a while for an exceptional prospect, but these are few and far between--especially in the States. As much as I enjoy chasing tail, it does get old, and I do get fatigued, after a while. Furthermore, I think it's healthy for a guy to be in a relationship, provided his relationship game is tight, he doesn't pussy up, and he doesn't get married (in the US).

There are also things you can do with a "girlfriend" that you can't do with a miscellaneous harem member. For instance, I can't remember the last movie I saw in a movie theater.

[WesternCancer]

I prefer multiple medium/long term fuck buddy arrangements. I've had 2 "LTRs" in the past that were about 2 years, even then the girls were an addition to my life. I saw/talked to them for hours every day, but it was something to do as opposed to how most of my friends in LTRs see them, as a part of who you are.

I just don't have the empathy to deeply connect with someone. I can also only be around people for so long before I need to hermit in my room. If I had to live with a woman I would last a week max before I went mad, its like that roommate who always wants to hang out and doesn't give you space.

[Cr33pin]

I am not single. Was for a stint last year and took full advantage of it an traveled to Asia. Other then the year and a half I took off my LTR last year an a few summers here and there I have been with the same girl for 10 years......... Damn just putting that out where I can read it kind of hit me ha. Now I got more strange on the side then all my single friends were getting. It was all fun and games, I enjoyed the chase and the sneakiness. It was honestly a rush to me.

I'm older now and honestly I'm not sure whats going on with me. I'm not dying to go out an bang young hot girls or any girls really, not even my LTR. I am going this week to get my Testosterone levels checked. I would think this may be some kind of blessing, since in the past all my focus was ever on was the next girl I was gonna bang, it was seriously like a disease.. it consumed me. But now that the urge is not there I am lost... I have been in a hell of a slump.. I still work out and think about the future an traveling again.

Chasing girls has been a curse and a blessing. I have done all kinds of kinky awesome things that most beta "normal" people only see in porn. But those highs are only temporary. Who knows where I would be now if I had focused on my real estate business, working out, or went to school or anything other then chasing girls. I'm not stressed about that fact cause there's no point in crying over spilled milk.

As far as my LTR.... shes great. Shes one of the only people in my life I ever felt like I could relate to, I always feel like a outsider around everyone else. Shes beautiful, has a slamming body both tits and ass. Works out 6 days a week (squats an weights not zumba) She can cook as good as any one I have ever met. Financially stable and smart an spends more money in our relationship then I do so its not like shes a gold digger. Fun to hang with and watch UFC or football or movies or whatever. Also lets me do as I please and go out with who I want when I want. (some of my friends in relationships act like kids, they gotta ask their girlfriends if its ok to go watch football somewhere or something...lame!) But I mean after 10 fucking years like how in the world do people stay interested... Like now matter how hot she is and how much I love her Its not like I am gonna have the same amount of passion with her as I do when I am with some new hot college girl.... With other girls its new, fresh, different, you get in the heat of the moment and want to rip their close off throw them on the bed an ravish them. I for the life of me can't get that excited about having sex with a girl I have been with for 10 years -__-

This ended up being almost a rant of sorts. As far as me in my relationship who knows how long it will last. It's made it threw some pretty crazy shit.... I may be on here typing another rant about the same shit in another 10 years ha... time fucking flies man

[mr_lucky]

(09-30-2013 06:19 AM)Steve9 Wrote:  

Good question.

I think one of the reasons is that both men and women are extremely picky these days. We get exposed to all these "perfect" people in the media, and there are so many options to meet new girls through work, nightlife, hobbies, online, etc.

So we can be in a relationship with a great girl, but won't commit because we think we can find someone better or hotter.

Maybe the saturation of our consciousness by Hollywood folks with perfect genes is higher now because of the Internet and so on, but this rings a little false to me.

All the way back to the Greatest Generation, there were perfect people who were idolized by your average Western citizen. I promise you there are tons of people our grandparents' age who fantasized about Clark Gable or Greta Garbo.

I think your statement about excess options is a better argument.

[eradicator]

I'm not. (I am 36 though), for most of my 20s and 30s I just dated casually and the relationship, and the sex, got stale after a few months(3 to 6)

[Christian McQueen]

@Cr33pin:

Sounds like a helluva keeper. An old G told me once that the yearning for new pussy never goes away and it's foolish to expect it to. He said its a choice; you decide to be with that one girl or you don't.

I think the cats who have their keeper and get strange on the side are probably the most satisfied and balanced.

We as men sometimes look for a chick to satisfy everything in the sexual department and that's not realistic. Hard to fight how wer were designed.

[KorbenDallas]

I like having a girlfriend...But she has to be high quality. I'm 23 and I've had 2 I really liked. I will definitely settle down too. Not in the US though...

[samsamsam]

(09-30-2013 01:24 PM)Cr33pin Wrote:  

But I mean after 10 fucking years like how in the world do people stay interested...

I have had short dating relationships, longest is maybe a year. I think about what Cr33pin mentioned. Yes, you have a history together and kids that might bind you together, but don't you get bored? I need to keep challenged to be enjoying life. I spend most of my time building businesses and working my angles. That is where I have fun. Yes, banging chicks more regularly but I can't handle the dull conversations hot chicks (generally) have with me. Then I start to get frustrated and ask myself why am I talking to her?

I guess I have not met the right, compatible person. Someone I could see being in synch with for a long period of time.

My mom says I am just too fucking picky. I don't see why I can't date an attractive, intelligent sane woman. Who is skinny with big natural boobs. and isn't materialistic. And down to earth, but girly/feminine. LOL

[Icarus]

(09-30-2013 04:20 PM)samsamsam Wrote:  

My mom says I am just too fucking picky. I don't see why I can't date an attractive, intelligent sane woman. Who is skinny with big natural boobs. and isn't materialistic. And down to earth, but girly/feminine. LOL

Get a hot Russian or Ukrainian mathematician / physicist chick. Something in between "extreme INTP" and "slightly aspie". Hot, smart, knows how to cook, not-spoiled, and usually keeps quiet. The perfect woman!

[OGNorCal707]

(09-30-2013 06:34 AM)SeanBateman Wrote:  

I'm 30 now and was in long term relationships with beautiful but crazy and emotionally immature chicks for nearly all of my 20's. I viewed women differently than I do now for most of that time and I thought that there was reasoning behind their words and actions. I tried to make those relationships work on a peer or equal partner kind of level, and it kept blowing up in my face. It took me a while to figure out that I have to build my own life and grant girls the privilege of being a part of it if they behave correctly, rather than trying to make it a cooperative effort with shared decision making. In the context of a relationship girls want leadership and not friendship, whether they realize it or not. And for me personally it took a lot of wasted effort and time to figure that out. But to answer your question, now that I view women in this way I don't differentiate much between them in an emotional sense and I don't pursue anything with them beyond the bang because I don't want anything beyond the bang. Maybe in five or ten years I will feel the desire to have kids so at that time I will pick a girl who is young and beautiful and not too much of a bitch (and not American) and have children with her. But short of that having a "serious girlfriend" isn't something I want after having done it for so many years. I don't want to meet her trashy parents, I don't want to accompany her to the wedding of her formerly slutty friend who is now getting married to some poor bastard, I don't want to have to make big plans for her birthday, and I don't want to have a drawn out discussion about what to watch on Netflix every night. Some flirty banter and casual companionship that are lead-ins to the bang are all I seek in terms of a relationship, and if that can happen with more than one girl in a given week then that is ideal. Maybe that will change in the future, but I think I will be in this mindset for at least a few more years.

[Ensam]

"It's complicated"

[Cr33pin]

(09-30-2013 04:20 PM)samsamsam Wrote:  

(09-30-2013 01:24 PM)Cr33pin Wrote:  

But I mean after 10 fucking years like how in the world do people stay interested...

I have had short dating relationships, longest is maybe a year. I think about what Cr33pin mentioned. Yes, you have a history together and kids that might bind you together, but don't you get bored? I need to keep challenged to be enjoying life. I spend most of my time building businesses and working my angles. That is where I have fun. Yes, banging chicks more regularly but I can't handle the dull conversations hot chicks (generally) have with me. Then I start to get frustrated and ask myself why am I talking to her?

I guess I have not met the right, compatible person. Someone I could see being in synch with for a long period of time.

My mom says I am just too fucking picky. I don't see why I can't date an attractive, intelligent sane woman. Who is skinny with big natural boobs. and isn't materialistic. And down to earth, but girly/feminine. LOL

I do get bored, very bored. All tho lately since our last get back together I haven't been going out an getting any on the side... again like I said in my post I been lacking the sexual drive with any girl lately. When I was out in Asia I was getting stupid amounts of ass (not trying to sound like I am boasting, go there an see for yourself But after the sex was over and the girls were gone I would feel crummy and miss my GF. Get back with the GF and I miss the sex with dumb hoes. It never ends man. (I say this a lot on here, sorry for my repetitiveness)

I can relate about the lame conversations with hoes to... Banging hot young girls not really a problem... talking to them and trying not to shoot myself was the hard part ha! Perhaps cause I am older now (in my 30's) but I just can not seem to carry on a conversation or common interest with the age range of girls I like (18-21)

[Drazen]

Because I live in Los Angeles.

[Aliblahba]

I'm single as it's the most unselfish thing I can do in this life. Getting married or staying monogamous and not spreading myself to as many women as possible would deprive 100's of women of the only moment of true happiness they'll ever have in their otherwise miserable existence, when I fuck the sorry excuse they have for brains out.

[Alpha Mind]

I'm 28 and while I may lack life experience compared to others on the forum....

I don't want to deal with life problems, aside from my own.

Right now, I have 4 problems and one is a female client who shells out 2500 and asks too many questions, even though her revenue is up. That's it.

I'm concerned with enjoying life, cruising around, enjoying life, rolling in dough, etc.

For some reason, I attract teachers. Doesn't matter the age. Older, younger, teachers seem to find me. My mother was a special ed teacher for many, many years and I somewhat assume that there's a correlation, but...whatever.

Inherently, there's an insane amount of politics that go into working in public and private ed., esp. at a "good" school with excellent test scores and higher salaries. It's on the daily level, not something I want to deal with when I'm thinking about XYZ ways to make more money, why I'm not working out more, etc. Sure, this niche finds me but the same issues are replete among women with careers.

I am simply too selfish to deal with someone else's work and personal issues. It's also a sliding scale...if she's 8+ and the sex is great, she gets more of my time, but I lose interest and then you're essentially dealing with someone moping to you about their 9-5 and hoping they'll get the kind of attention they want.

Well, I don't want that. Now or in the next 5 years. I can afford to go anywhere I want and I don't have to report back to anyone other than my parents because they want to make sure I'm not dead when I get to _________ .

A lot of guys here are all about cruising abroad and I didn't necessarily "get" that perspective 100%, since I was able to bounce to most dope spots in the US, see my successful friends without issue and have an epic time. Now, these cats are getting married, tied up, going home early, etc. and it limits what was my uber simple destination plan for the year. :-|

I also think the idea of having a girl that needs to hang out x days per week is well...gross. It's not necessarily about the number of days per week, but the number of times she wants to be at my/her house and sleep together or talk about her issues in work/life/friends/family. I do not want someone in my bed regularly to hangout and watch Netflix with. It isn't that I don't value relationships. I do, and there are plenty of mornings where I would be stoked to wake up next to a girl I love. I'm convinced anyone who disagrees with that is lying to themselves and completely full of shit. That problem is all of the other things that I'm actually concerned with prevent that from actually happening. Trying to inject logic into female office politics is like sucker punching a hornets' nest and hoping you won't get stung on the getaway.

It's the tertiary elements that comprise the "modern" relationship that keep me single.

It's this sense of ownership/entitlement/getting mad when you bounce for 2-5 weeks that comes with the boyfriend/girlfriend title. Show me a city where I can avoid that and I'm there.

If you're happy with what you're doing...roll with it. There's nothing wrong or uncool with spending time and sharing your life with a dope girl. Ever. And if anyone tells you that, they can fuck off.

The important thing is to maintain the lifestyle you had before/when you met said girl. If you were pretending you were _______ and really cool...you've got work to do. If you ARE ___________ and really cool, KEEP IT GOING.

Don't be the guy who is trying to reach out because his relationship just ended. Build your contacts, maintain your friend base, and biz contacts. Most importantly, make sure you're growing as an individual. When that stops, you need to do something about it or kick that habit that's manifesting itself as a girlfriend.

Edit: Clarification