[cardguy]

My brother has a kid that just turned one.

If they he got a phone call from the hospital tomorrow saying there had being a terrible mix-up, and they took home the wrong baby - I think they would still want to keep this one.

At least that is what they tell me.

Hard to get them to take the question seriously since the kid looks similar to the father.

Man - I am always trolling people I know with random shit.

[cardguy]

It is hard for me to get my head around the whole thing.

I guess the relationship between a kid and his parents is different to that between the parents and the kid.

If I suddenly found out I was adpoted - I would still love my (step) parents.

So - I assumed the same would hold true for your kid - if you suddenly found out it wasn't yours.

[j r]

I've gotten to the age where all my friends are married and having kids. I've noticed that kids, when their born, bear an uncanny resemblance to the father. I don't know why, maybe it's evolutionary. My advice is this: if you have a baby and there's any doubt as to whether it looks like you, swab the cheek and have the test done. That should all but eliminate any doubts.

That being said, I'm skeptical of the higher numbers regarding cuckoldry. It's got to be Rey difficult to find an unbiased data set. People who get paternity tests will tend to will have a reason to get them and; therefore there will be a higher rate of cuckoldry than in the overall population.

[Aliblahba]

(06-14-2013 02:44 PM)cardguy Wrote:  

It is hard for me to get my head around the whole thing.

I guess the relationship between a kid and his parents is different to that between the parents and the kid.

If I suddenly found out I was adpoted - I would still love my (step) parents.

So - I assumed the same would hold true for your kid - if you suddenly found out it wasn't yours.

The problem is women lying and having a man unknowingly raise another man's child. The solution is to have BOTH take a dna test at when th child is born. Equal rights. Problem solved.

[samsamsam]

(06-14-2013 02:25 PM)cardguy Wrote:  

wow - that seems really cold in a way. Does it strike anyone else that way?

I generally try not to speculate on what I would do in a hypothetical. I often times find it pretty arrogant to be so bold... "Yeah, I would jump on the hand grenade to save my buddies." And I hope I am not sending the wrong message to the universe, but I think I would walk. I plan on having a paternity test right when the kid is born. I am easy going about a lot of stuff, but not this stuff.

I am hyper protective of my people, my tribe. And this seems to fall into that category. I just don't believe I would handle it well, I would flip the fuck out probably and I generally can keep my cool about certain things. But not about betrayal, can't deal with it. She knows the deal when she got married to break that oath is to break your word and I don't have any patience for people who break their word. You don't wanna do it, don't say you will do it. Nothing wrong in being true to what you feel/believe, but you don't go making promises you can't keep (i.e. get married and have another man's kid.)

[cardguy]

There are two separate issues.

Your wife betraying you.

And raising another man's kid.

Let's say you got a phone call when your kid was 6 years old. Saying the kid was mixed up with another one.

Would you want to keep the kid. Or swap him for your real son?

[samsamsam]

(06-14-2013 03:24 PM)cardguy Wrote:  

There are two separate issues.

Your wife betraying you.

And raising another man's kid.

Let's say you got a phone call when your kid was 6 years old. Saying the kid was mixed up with another one.

Would you want to keep the kid. Or swap him for your real son?

You are a cruel man, cardguy lol.

I plan on doing the paternity test within days of birth. I'll let her know I did it also. So she knows. I say all this sort of talking out my ass, but I hope I will follow through on this plan.

I would have a hard time looking at a kid and knowing it wasn't mine. It would probably drive me mad, the betrayal would piss me off, I would destroy her and anyone who knew about it. This is what I feel at the moment.

It isn't the kid's fault, I get it. But blood is thicker than water and for as much training as I have done to try to grow as a person, some things are still raw and animalistic.

I have never cheated on anyone, I will not tolerate it in return.

[cardguy]

I hear you.

I guess these feelings are stornger in some people than in others.

I probably don't have them as strong as others since I never want to have kids.

Indeed - if I did ever have kids. I would probably prefer to adopt one - that way I would feel like I am doing some good for the world.

[Eirykr]

An old high school buddy of mine I used to trawl bars with back in the day was in a situation like this. He met this drunk slut at a house party and ended up taking her back to his place. Wanted to lock her down, but she was already dating some other guy. A year or so later and she is on his front door, literally in the rain, crying about how she is pregnant.

Chick led him on for years saying these kids were his but that she couldn't leave her current boyfriend because their families were already too intertwined and they were engaged (i.e. she didn't want their family and her's to know she was a whore).

My friend claimed for years that these little girls were his and that he knew just by looking at them. He ended up going to big family events like funerals and weddings and hanging around them. Was giving her money for support. Then he finally put his foot down and said he was going to take her to court and try to get paternity testing and some form of custody.

I always wondered if this bitch just totally took him for a roll and was using him for support or if the kids really did end up being his and he never got custody. Didn't bother to ask, but his silence on the matter after a point is perhaps telling. Either way he's now with some fat girl he met at work and happy and they recently had a daughter (which is probably his).

[A War You Cannot Win]

If I had a kid with a woman and I found out it wasn't mine I would walk out without a doubt. Powers that be and the kid's future be damned.

[cardguy]

Is the love that a father has for his child wholey dependent on it being his child?

Seems like quite a fragile form of love.

[JimNortonFan]

You think this guy knows?

[Timoteo]

(06-14-2013 07:28 PM)cardguy Wrote:  

Is the love that a father has for his child wholey dependent on it being his child?

Seems like quite a fragile form of love.

I wouldn't say the love is solely dependent on whether or not the child is biologically his, but this is why women hide it if they know it isn't - they allow him to bond with the child, so if he finds out, he's less likely to leave because he doesn't want to see the kid hurt, no matter how angry he is at her deception. And there are plenty of men that step up and raise a kid they know isn't theirs - some even take the step of legally adopting the kid. I don't think it's about the love being fragile - it's about which feeling is stronger in the individual. Is the feeling of betrayal and deception stronger, or is it the love for the child? It's a hell of a choice to have to make.

[pitt]

(06-14-2013 04:21 PM)A War You Cannot Win Wrote:  

If I had a kid with a woman and I found out it wasn't mine I would walk out without a doubt. Powers that be and the kid's future be damned.

I would also walk out but i am quiet sure i will keep in touch with the kid. After living so many years with that child, you will undoubtedly feel a strong connection with him and it will be just cruel to never get in touch again.

Now, that woman, i wouldn't talk to her again.

[kdolo]

Card,

the "mix-up" scenario is different because is doesn't involve deception.

If there was a mix-up i'd keep the kid. But Cuckolding is totally different.

I'd leave obviously, but I'd maintain contact with the kids....they are innocent.

[kdolo]

(06-14-2013 02:47 PM)j r Wrote:  

.... I've noticed that kids, when their born, bear an uncanny resemblance to the father. I don't know why, maybe it's evolutionary.

It is evolutionary. What is also evolutionary is that Women who get pregnant via cuckold tend to get impregnated by men who look like their husbands....they females have a "type" if you will....

the evolutionary name of the game is to increase genetic diversity, while making sure the kid is protected and reached viability without being killed by the male. same goes for her safety as well.

So, women typically subconsciously pick guys who look like the husband - so that the kid can pass muster.

[Teutatis]

(06-14-2013 07:50 PM)JimNortonFan Wrote:  



You think this guy knows?

Obviously adopted.

I do want to have kids someday and Cardguy's scenarios are very upsetting indeed, I do think about it a lot. The thought of that happening to me makes me want to puke, it's this visceral repulsion, and I want to say I would walk away, but really I don't know what I would do, it's not the kids fault and after a few years you would probably be somewhat attached to him/her, I don't know. I'd probably hate the mother forever and that would spill over to the kid, even if it wasn't the kid's fault, but yeah I'd most likely walk away.

[Dr. Howard]

If you want to get really freaked out: Canada has laws regarding child support and "In loco parentis" determination. Meaning, if you have acted in the place of a biological parent you are still liable for support. That includes raising kids that aren't yours be it cuckolded, a divorced mom or some single slut thats been living with you. Don't forget its an automatic common law marriage country too.

[cardguy]

Yeah - I am no expert. But I think there are laws like that in the US and UK. Or soon will be...

[cardguy]

It is weird.

I see my 1 year old nephew. And he is really sweet and cute.

And I can't imagine my feelings changing towards him if he suddenly turned out to be totally unrelated to me.

Of course - it would be different/harder for a father.

But this is the closest I will get.

My books are more important to me than reproducing.

[Timoteo]

(06-14-2013 09:35 PM)wiscanada Wrote:  

If you want to get really freaked out: Canada has laws regarding child support and "In loco parentis" determination. Meaning, if you have acted in the place of a biological parent you are still liable for support. That includes raising kids that aren't yours be it cuckolded, a divorced mom or some single slut thats been living with you. Don't forget its an automatic common law marriage country too.

This is pretty much the deal in the US also. Once you're established as the parent, you're stuck. Once a man's name is on the birth certificate as the legal father, it's very difficult to undo. It's to the state's benefit that a man be hit up for support. They don't care who.

[Dr. Howard]

(06-14-2013 10:20 PM)Timoteo Wrote:  

(06-14-2013 09:35 PM)wiscanada Wrote:  

If you want to get really freaked out: Canada has laws regarding child support and "In loco parentis" determination. Meaning, if you have acted in the place of a biological parent you are still liable for support. That includes raising kids that aren't yours be it cuckolded, a divorced mom or some single slut thats been living with you. Don't forget its an automatic common law marriage country too.

This is pretty much the deal in the US also. Once you're established as the parent, you're stuck. Once a man's name is on the birth certificate as the legal father, it's very difficult to undo. It's to the state's benefit that a man be hit up for support. They don't care who.

In Canada, your name doesn't have to be on the birth certificate. If you have acted as the parent...ie had a parenting relationship with the child, you are liable as the parent for support.

In the US, yep, if you are not wed the state will be after you to get a support arrangement set up and then pay them fees to administer it. Mind you, there are ways to exploit it if you have a positive relationship with the mother.

[Sailor]

(06-15-2013 07:25 AM)wiscanada Wrote:  

(06-14-2013 10:20 PM)Timoteo Wrote:  

(06-14-2013 09:35 PM)wiscanada Wrote:  

If you want to get really freaked out: Canada has laws regarding child support and "In loco parentis" determination. Meaning, if you have acted in the place of a biological parent you are still liable for support. That includes raising kids that aren't yours be it cuckolded, a divorced mom or some single slut thats been living with you. Don't forget its an automatic common law marriage country too.

This is pretty much the deal in the US also. Once you're established as the parent, you're stuck. Once a man's name is on the birth certificate as the legal father, it's very difficult to undo. It's to the state's benefit that a man be hit up for support. They don't care who.

In Canada, your name doesn't have to be on the birth certificate. If you have acted as the parent...ie had a parenting relationship with the child, you are liable as the parent for support.

In the US, yep, if you are not wed the state will be after you to get a support arrangement set up and then pay them fees to administer it. Mind you, there are ways to exploit it if you have a positive relationship with the mother.

One of my secretaries told me in Brasil Judges are more and more often rulling that if a man raised a kid as his own he is going to be forever liable for child support...but it seems that only happens if his name is on the birth certificate so it is still a bit less worse than Canada.

Of course,Judges always rule based on "best interest of the child" "absolut protection of the minor" "social paternity" and etc etc...

There is also a law that gives pregnant women the right to demand child support from whoever they say the father of the kid is,and they can win it without DNA exams

[iknowexactly]

(06-14-2013 08:20 PM)kdolo Wrote:  

(06-14-2013 02:47 PM)j r Wrote:  

.... I've noticed that kids, when their born, bear an uncanny resemblance to the father. I don't know why, maybe it's evolutionary.

It is evolutionary. What is also evolutionary is that Women who get pregnant via cuckold tend to get impregnated by men who look like their husbands....they females have a "type" if you will....

the evolutionary name of the game is to increase genetic diversity, while making sure the kid is protected and reached viability without being killed by the male. same goes for her safety as well.

So, women typically subconsciously pick guys who look like the husband - so that the kid can pass muster.

Is this speculation (sounds plausible) or have you seen real research on this?

[iknowexactly]

(06-14-2013 09:35 PM)wiscanada Wrote:  

If you want to get really freaked out: Canada has laws regarding child support and "In loco parentis" determination. Meaning, if you have acted in the place of a biological parent you are still liable for support. That includes raising kids that aren't yours be it cuckolded, a divorced mom or some single slut thats been living with you. Don't forget its an automatic common law marriage country too.

bad news if:

1) you sign the birth cert
2) are married to her (it's presumed yours)
3) don't get the vindicating paternity test within a certain time.

if you find out when the kid's st like 5 you're def fucked and on the hook for cs