[flavoraddict]

(06-13-2013 12:57 PM)MikeCF Wrote:  

(06-13-2013 12:43 PM)flavoraddict Wrote:  

I tried to do this for this LTR I was in, who I thought MIGHT be a future wife. She ended up ending it (the first time I've been dumped and it sucked), because she said she was tired of feeling like she had to prove herself to me, and tired of feeling bad about herself. I don't totally buy that. I think I started to show weakness and she realized I wasn't worth proving it to.

It's a tough balance.

Yep. My body at Quest for 50 Blog went through the same thing. (All of this is on his Twitter/blog, so I'm not revealing confidences.)

He was basically in a "relationship type" thing with a girl for a few months.

Started to think he'd kick it with her full time. She said she "wanted to talk" and he figured they'd be official.

She instead broke things off.

See, he made a fatal mistake. He had expressed vulnerability to her. He talked about career and life related malaise.

Vulnerability to a woman is like blood in water to a shark. Talk to guys about problems, never to women.

Always error on the side of not showing any vulnerability and keeping her on her toes.

Think of it this way. How often do women break up with wife beaters? Not often, right?

yeah I read that and a lot of it hit home for me. I was having some trouble dealing with the fact that I had not gotten a big job (that she wound up getting and that would cause us to go long distance for a while). I was bummed and worried about losing her since I read about status all the time. So I figured hey, we've been dating for over a year, things are great, I've built up all kinds of cred, and she's a friend, I'll tell her how I'm feeling. I regretted it immediately. Cut to two months later, she ends it, cut to another month later and she's fucking my friend who also got the job. status man, status.

[Samseau]

(06-13-2013 12:30 PM)flavoraddict Wrote:  

I was thinking eharmony might be a good idea for this, but the shortest plan is 3 months @ $55 a month. seems a bit steep for a dating site.

Don't use internet dating to find a wife.

Probably the worst idea in the world.

[Tytalus]

Agreed on the issue of reading Dalrock's blog, that is a big eye opener on the demographic shifts going on.

That said, as for how to actually meet 7-8s... In some cities there are singles activity groups that you can join. See if your city has any and join up some activities you find interesting... Have a shared interest with a potential wife is a big plus.

[Hades]

(06-10-2013 09:05 PM)Laner Wrote:  

Church. Specifically one in a good sized town in the midst of good agricultural and range land.

But late 20's will be slim pickings. Try the 22-25 age group.

Yes, church indeed. Women usually outnumber marriageable men there anyway 4 to 1 so you should have no trouble.

[samsamsam]

(06-13-2013 12:40 PM)MikeCF Wrote:  

Church seems like a good idea but I gerw up going to church. (Did Samseau, too?)

Real Dalrock's blog. Those church bitches have the same problems as every other American girl.

It's not as much where to look as who you are. You have to be the kind of man that a woman would be terrified of losing.

You have to use that fear to your advantage. You do this by alternating between being really sweet with telling her that she should find a guy more suited to her.

You have to let her know that marriage is not forever, and a relationship is not something you are in. A relationship is something you do every day of your life.

She must know she has to always prove herself and that there is no such thing as unconditional love.

Of course, this means you need to be the kind of man who can exert such control. This means you must be totally in control of your emotions. Most guys can't pull this off.

If your frame control is strong, you can make any girl wife material.

Just find a girl who is sexually inexperienced. This means you'll likely need to do 5 dates before the bang.

MikeCF, great insight as usual. But man you paint it in a tough way. It seems to be full time job then. No rest, never let your guard down. I do that at work. Would hate to have to always be on and having to constantly keep frame while trying to enjoy dinner. LOL.

At some point, I'd like to be married and have kids. I don't date a ton because most women are sort of useless and I would rather be productive with my time. The few that have impressed me have, admittedly, shook my frame a bit so it never worked out. I always notice when I don't give a shit I can open any girl but as soon as I think wow, "she is kind of attractive wonder if she might be good for something real" I am all nerves.

To be constantly indifferent (sort of how I see it based on these conversations) makes it seem like a guy will never get the chance to have any sort of meaningful, deep conversation with a chick. Not that I need a lot of them, but fuck if you marry a gal you think you could talk to her about shit, right? But the answer appears to be no.

Most of the women I have dated always want to know what is going on, even the bad stuff. I never tell them shit, because unless they know how to fix xyz or negotiate a deal point, why bother. Rather than having one person worrying about it, we now have 2 and that doesn't make sense to me. But the girls I have dated always want to be closer and they feel closer when they know what troubles me. I will admit, I don't date crazy girls, I just don't attract them, I seem only to attract relatively stable women. Only when I had hair down to my shoulders and picking fights at the gym was I getting crazy girl sex.

Bottom line: Harsh reality painted here about having to maintain control/frame at all times, I understand that most women need it, but then it seems realtionships are not really connected more of a business transaction. Was sort of hoping for the happily ever after at some point in my life, lol.

[Tytalus]

Here are some other redpill links:

http://www.thumotic.com/2013/01/08/how-to-find-a-wife/

http://theredpillroom.blogspot.ca/search...ife%20Test

[space_monkey]

(06-13-2013 12:57 PM)MikeCF Wrote:  

Vulnerability to a woman is like blood in water to a shark. Talk to guys about problems, never to women.

Anyone here who believes this kind of stuff should go over and read postmasculine.com. Not saying you need to discuss all of your financial and employment problems with women, but it can pay off to let your guard down sometimes. Mark explains how displaying vulnerability is a sign of strength and can attract people to you and create strong bonds.

[Stoic]

Depends on what kind of vulnerability, Space Monkey. Complaining about your problems is not helpful, even some times. Emoting and showing you care about her is.

[SirAntony]

I was just in a town called Lviv in Ukraine. There are lots of nice looking girls and all of them in the search to getting married. The girls there seem in general very into taking good care of you and trying to please you as much as they can, besides a lot of them are really good people.

If you got the chance, you should try it.

[flavoraddict]

that thumotic link above is excellent. I think it really gets at the heart of the matter - marriage is not a great deal, but at some point fatherhood is a strong calling.

[samsamsam]

(06-14-2013 09:43 AM)SirAntony Wrote:  

I was just in a town called Lviv in Ukraine. There are lots of nice looking girls and all of them in the search to getting married. The girls there seem in general very into taking good care of you and trying to please you as much as they can, besides a lot of them are really good people.

If you got the chance, you should try it.

Trouble you for a breakdown? And pics? Thanks.

[Tytalus]

(06-14-2013 10:16 AM)flavoraddict Wrote:  

that thumotic link above is excellent. I think it really gets at the heart of the matter - marriage is not a great deal, but at some point fatherhood is a strong calling.

Thanks. I figured the guys here could get some use out of that, some of us are already dads, or want to be a dad. Kids can be cute and very rewarding. That said, picking a good wife is crucial to this.

[at350zguyy]

Weddings.

[Ensam]

A few thoughts on this thread:
First, church girls are no different than other girls. They're just as likely to be slutty and have a history. They're also just as likely to fuck you over in a nasty divorce. Dating them still requires game and you have to use your judgement on whether or not the girl you're dating is worth it. Simply going to church doesn't make anybody better or worse than the average public.

What it does do is expose you to more women in your target age demo who have marriage on the brain. They value community (that's why they're in church as an adult) more than they value partying it up on Saturday night and nursing a hangover on Sunday morning. They are also probably more likely to want to get married. That doesn't mean they're marriage material! You still have to screen heavily.

On the vulnerability thing what I've realized is you need to show authentic vulnerability but never helplessness. You can be vulnerable about difficulties you're having but only if you have confidence in your ability to overcome them. Chicks love seeing you triumph over adversity. It makes you seem like a winner. The problem a lot of guys have is showing their problems in a light that makes them seem hopeless. It's all about framing. The best stories I have for getting girls are the ones where I got knocked down and then recovered by being a badass. For example, I'll admit to being scared but only in situations where I subsequently conquered my fears and accomplished something. They show that I'm vulnerable (and willing to talk about being vulnerable) but that I'm strong enough to handle whatever comes my way.

[hun73r]

Quote:

I was thinking eharmony might be a good idea for this, but the shortest plan is 3 months @ $55 a month. seems a bit steep for a dating site.

If you think that's $$, wait until you see what a marriage costs you.

[flavoraddict]

I was thinking about it tonight and I think the one true revelation the manosphere has come up with is the meaningless of it all. "love" the ideal that so many can strive for, can be hacked. It's not special. It's just oneitis. And when you realize that, you wonder what it's all really worth. Every relationship, every girl that seemed like "the one." it's meaningless when you realize that it's a series of behaviors and chemicals. What does it all matter?

[MrLemon]

When I was 32 I chose to find a wife, very much ilke the OP. I got lucky and it's been great for me (18 years). My wife is not perfect, she can be a bitch like all women and rules our home with an iron fist, but she cooks dinner every night, she has sex when I want it, she's borne me 2 absolutely amazing kids, and lets me make the financial and career decisions completely.

The key to our marriage was....she's submissive. I don't mean she's into whips and chains (she is submissive in bed tho) but that she isn't a career gal, she wanted a husband and kids, and she wants somebody else to make the hard decision because she doesn't like to. She doesn't want to work...she expects me to support the family. That's the deal.

She's a typical american gal. Kind of reminds me of the girls in the 1950s. Likes to get drunk and fuck, but prim and proper to the outside world. Old fashioned american women still make the best wives on the planet, but they are so rare now.

How did I find this girl? When I decided I wanted a wife, a very smart older buddy (a Rabbi strangely enough) told me this: "You say you want a wife, but you keep chasing sluts. Stop being an moron. If you want a wife, look for a wife. You have to make it happen. Why don't you sit down and write a letter to yourself, of what you really want in a wife. The act of writing that letter might make it happen."

I respected that older guy so I followed his advice, wrote that letter, where I described that I wanted a 50-s kind of gal who would be a great wife and mother, we'd be the perfect upstanding couple in public, have a big family, but that she would be a total slut in our bedroom, only with me.

Strangely enough, a month later I met exactly that woman, we had one date and it was all over. This was in LA by the way.

The way I met her was, I put an ad in a dating board that caters to submissive women. Most of the guys there would rant and rave about all the bizarre master/slave relationships they wanted. I was the only guy who said "I want a submissive girl to have an old fashioned relationship with". I got dozens of replies and chose the best of the lot.

Sorry to go on so long. I never told this story anywhere before, so maybe this is the place.

[WestCoast]

@mrlemon what in the world is a website catered to submissive women?

I got no interest in marriage or a kid, but still your post has me curious at this point.

[Diego]

mr. lemon, a dating board 18 years ago? c 1995? you must mean a real bulletin board made out of cork and wood, yes?

[MrLemon]

(06-16-2013 03:15 PM)Diego Wrote:  

mr. lemon, a dating board 18 years ago? c 1995? you must mean a real bulletin board made out of cork and wood, yes?

As incredible as it may seem to you young bucks, yes we old fogees had technology `18 years ago. It was called a dial-up. Worked just fine for dating

[gqntexas]

MrLemon, you must be talking about the old AOL (America Online) program.. I remember that old dial-up ISP from the mid to late 90's. They had chat rooms and everything and was easy as hell to get laid, way better than current online dating sites.. Oh those times, brings back the memory of some good notches

[flavoraddict]

So further to this quest, I joined eharmony a week and a half ago. I've been on two dates so far and they were both busts.

They do a good job matching on personality, but the first girl seemed like a 6.5 - 7 based on her photos but was barely a 5 and was indeed 2 inches taller than she purported to be. The other was representative of her photos, and was a great girl, but I just wasn't attracted enough to her to go on a second date.

I found one girl on there that meets all my criteria, is a 8 by anyone's criteria, good job, seems personable (she has a web series I used to asses her pesonality with), but after a few messages she's gone cold.

I have a few girls who seems interesting and physically attractive that are ready to go on dates. I just have to find the time and motivation.

One thing that is sucking up a lot of my focus is a 20-year old assistant at my work (I'm 32) and I have been dating a bit. She's resisted my advances re: sex, and that makes me even more interested. She's fucking hot - an 8 at least, but it's hard to stay interested in her because she's rather vapid and what life experiences does a 20 year old sheltered rich girl really bring to the table? Still, I'm in.

[Vaun]

move to nyc and meet woman in manhattan. the problem for me is meeting such eligible woman; college educated, good looking, good job, 28-35. My problem is meeting these girls and not ending up in a relationship, just for play. There are THOUSANDS of woman here like that. Last night I had drinks with a girl I daygamed last Saturday. Met her on the street, made a comment about how cute her dog was, then some bullshit, then I got her number. I was expecting she was a service worker since we lived outside of NYC. She was very responsive over text. We set a time and place over text very quickly after the initial meet. She was very polite and sweet. Meet her last night and as I am walking up there was already a guy hitting on her. We sat down in the lobby of the Ace Hotel, and come to find out, shes a teacher of disabled kids, bach and grad degree from very top tier schools, going back to get another bach degree, sweet, doesnt swear, demur like a lady. Family is from the carribean, 5'7", black and beautiful. Probably one of the hottest girls I have ever kissed, we made out a little too. She texted me right after the date and meeting again. This girl is PERFECT from what shes showed me. I am also seeing and texting a bunch of other girls I met on the street last weekend. Meeting another one tonight, shes Russian. Now, I could be all crazy for this girl, I should be, but I want to play. She of course doesnt know I am divorced with a kid, but I will figure that out later, probably when she comes over.

Move here if you are not tied down, I am telling you, you will probably find what you are looking for, have a great time, and get a shot to your career while you are at it.

[babelfish669]

As great as Manhattan is, girls are there to drink, do drugs, fuck, and party. No thanks.

I'm not married, so I can't offer much advice.

Listen to what guys who have been married a few decades or more have to say. The advice I've heard is fairly in agreement.

- Don't live together before getting married

- Look for a woman who wants to have a family & shares your values (which you damn well better have too)

- When looking volume isn't important

It also seems like an ethnic and/or religious connection are common consistently.

[HedoRick]

X2 for not relying on the internet for any quality women. I tried Eharmony, went on lots of dates, got some bangs, but it still was a bust. If anyone else had a different experience, then i'd love to hear about it. I met mostly boring, uptight women on there. Then there were more than a few(about half) that looked a lot worse then their pictures. These women are single for a reason and have to resort to Dr. Neal Clark Warren's lies to get a date.