[Samseau]

(06-25-2013 11:34 AM)flavoraddict Wrote:  

So further to this quest, I joined eharmony a week and a half ago. I've been on two dates so far and they were both busts.

They do a good job matching on personality, but the first girl seemed like a 6.5 - 7 based on her photos but was barely a 5 and was indeed 2 inches taller than she purported to be. The other was representative of her photos, and was a great girl, but I just wasn't attracted enough to her to go on a second date.

I found one girl on there that meets all my criteria, is a 8 by anyone's criteria, good job, seems personable (she has a web series I used to asses her pesonality with), but after a few messages she's gone cold.

I have a few girls who seems interesting and physically attractive that are ready to go on dates. I just have to find the time and motivation.

One thing that is sucking up a lot of my focus is a 20-year old assistant at my work (I'm 32) and I have been dating a bit. She's resisted my advances re: sex, and that makes me even more interested. She's fucking hot - an 8 at least, but it's hard to stay interested in her because she's rather vapid and what life experiences does a 20 year old sheltered rich girl really bring to the table? Still, I'm in.

I hate to be an asshole on an old member, but someone has to do this.

You sound completely inexperienced with women and it really seems like you have no clue with what you're doing.

You're already wasting your time with things people on here have explicitly told you not to do.

1. Online dating? Are you crazy? It will be a cold day in hell before you find wife material through this.

2. Dating girls at your work? Marrying a girl you work with has got to be one of the dumbest ideas in the world. Not only are chances high she's a career bitch and not interested in being a wife, but she's also in a position to ruin your reputation and get you fired.

3. Good girls are produced by good cultures. America is not a good culture. Just accept it, and move on. Finding a good woman here will only occur in small towns, the midwest, and the south (excluding Florida). If you're not actively changing your location to find a wife, then you're just kidding yourself.

[flavoraddict]

I don't know if that's really fair.

1. I do get the logic of online dating not being great for this. But I think there is also a case to be made for it including older women who are done playing around and are looking to settle down. The cost is low - I did a month for $60, so it seemed like a worthwhile venture.

2. This is a misunderstanding. The 20 year old at work is clearly not wife material. But I've been feeling depressed and being with her cheers me up.

3. My career path is rather geographically focused so it's just realistic to move out of a large city in North America at this point. (I'm a corporate lawyer)

As for the experienced with women thing, there really isn't anything I can say to change your mind about that.

[Samseau]

Quote:

1. I do get the logic of online dating not being great for this. But I think there is also a case to be made for it including older women who are done playing around and are looking to settle down. The cost is low - I did a month for $60, so it seemed like a worthwhile venture.

Come on man, how are older women better than younger women in any conceivable way? A woman who's interested in marriage will get married before 25. After that age, it's because she's more interested in herself.

Down in Atlanta, I saw hordes of young women get married RIGHT OUT OF COLLEGE. I've never seen that once up here in Boston.

The medium you meet girls isn't what is important - whether it is a bar, a dance social, online dating, wedding, etc - it's the culture the girls come from that matters.

Quote:

3. My career path is rather geographically focused so it's just realistic to move out of a large city in North America at this point. (I'm a corporate lawyer)

Then you shouldn't get married unless you're serious about moving to a culture that is conducive to marriage. You've got to understand, women are herd animals. They do what everyone else is doing. If you're in NYC where women slut it up each day, then getting married there is begging for punishment.

[Vaun]

(06-25-2013 02:05 PM)babelfish669 Wrote:  

As great as Manhattan is, girls are there to drink, do drugs, fuck, and party. No thanks.

bridge and tunnel do but most high quality woman are here to work, and most want to get married. unfortunately.

[flavoraddict]

1. I guess I worry about younger women not really knowing what they want yet, not having figured out who they are. I'm very different at 32 than when I was at 22.

3. You're taking a hard line on the culture point. I agree, culture is a huge predictor of how we think. Research has shown it affects fundamental cognitive processes. That said, some girls in North America end up being great wives - I have friends that prove that. Maybe it's the exception that proves the rule. But, I just can't realistically move at this point, so I'll have to plod along. You're right though, I think eharmony was a bad idea and I should have listened to you. Just seemed like low investment, possible high reward.

[xmlenigma]

More than age if you want to spend quality time with someone, they better be..
GROUNDED, CALM & CLEAR with who they are and their values.

[MrLemon]

(06-26-2013 07:28 AM)xmlenigma Wrote:  

More than age if you want to spend quality time with someone, they better be..
GROUNDED, CALM & CLEAR with who they are and their values.

I think the biggest issue that I see is, women who are more old fashioned about marriage, are probably not going to be big career gals. They are looking for a man to pay the bills. Well, that's pretty much what the old fashioned world was like.

If they are not career bitches and have decent values ("want family and house") and offer to cook you dinner, and have a mom and dad who are old fashioned, then they are probably pretty good wifey material. Of course you still have to work like hell to keep them from going nuts on you after marriage.

Good choices: Women who are into art, fabric, culinary arts, nursing (sometimes, but they can be huge bitches) writing, and other non-career pursuits. They should have moderate expectations re: money. Girls from lower middle class backgrounds, whose dads worked hard to scramble up a bit, are a great choice.

If they show even a tiny bit of feminist attitude, or got a degree from a college that has a lot of angry feminist bullshit, trust me, they are angry underneath. Avoid, avoid, avoid. If they got big degrees in law or medicine or whatever, avoid avoid avoid. Career women are the worst wives by far.

[xmlenigma]

(06-30-2013 03:49 PM)MrLemon Wrote:  

(06-26-2013 07:28 AM)xmlenigma Wrote:  

More than age if you want to spend quality time with someone, they better be..
GROUNDED, CALM & CLEAR with who they are and their values.

I think the biggest issue that I see is, women who are more old fashioned about marriage, are probably not going to be big career gals. They are looking for a man to pay the bills. Well, that's pretty much what the old fashioned world was like.

If they are not career bitches and have decent values ("want family and house") and offer to cook you dinner, and have a mom and dad who are old fashioned, then they are probably pretty good wifey material. Of course you still have to work like hell to keep them from going nuts on you after marriage.

Good choices: Women who are into art, fabric, culinary arts, nursing (sometimes, but they can be huge bitches) writing, and other non-career pursuits. They should have moderate expectations re: money. Girls from lower middle class backgrounds, whose dads worked hard to scramble up a bit, are a great choice.

If they show even a tiny bit of feminist attitude, or got a degree from a college that has a lot of angry feminist bullshit, trust me, they are angry underneath. Avoid, avoid, avoid. If they got big degrees in law or medicine or whatever, avoid avoid avoid. Career women are the worst wives by far.

I've seen exceptions to all the said rules.

The problem is with their SELF-IDENTITY and SELF-LOVING and SELF-SECURITY.

One extreme end is super dependent clinginess. When they are hurt they become man-hating and go to the other end.. I make my own money, status etc.. and femi-nazi not NEEDING or WANTING men..

.. when fact is they truely do want it.

As we say about women.. Cant live with them, Cant live without them.

They jump between mentally OPPOSING FALSE REALITIES.. INTERNAL DILEMMA.

They want to be taken care of but.. damn it! they will pretend not to want it need it.

Self-SABOTAGING BS. Men do it too.

I've met women who are grounded - in careers, family, their man and more. Their SELF-IMAGE is not EARNED by external factors.. by career, money or the man.

There are women who will PRETEND to act like Gods Gift to mankind (fake EGO & SELF WORTH) and others who will JUMP in the sack to get some sense of SELF WORTH.

A person (man or woman) who truely knows their own self worth and is self loving, does not see themselves ABOVE or BELOW anyone. They are just REAL.. and do not need comparatives.