[Handsome Creepy Eel]

Update: she called me to say that she has thought this over, apologizes for giving me an ultimatum and is fine with waiting until when/if we marry like I suggested

Happy ending? I don't know what to make of it

[samsamsam]

Handsome, I think I would have to agree with you about not wanting to have to control her all the time. Just a question here, but do you think this recent behavior will always be in the back of your mind when you are dealing with her?

Because if it will, it will always be that voice of doubt. It doesn't seem you like drama, I don't either, some guys like getting all crazy. Not saying this will happen, but let's say you get married and you stop blogging, I imagine at some point there might be something else that she needs to test you on. I get that is part of most relationships, but it is not necessarily enjoyable.

I would be looking for something else that she will bug you about since she has agreed to wait on you ending your blog. If she starts bugging you about something else, it could be she is just revealing who she really is and the "good girl" period is over.

Aside from finances, it seems like a lot of couples have trouble after they get married because who they really are comes out.

Best of luck.

[Timoteo]

I would string her along as long as possible before getting married. You mentioned that you don't live together. Is that something you want to do before you get married, or are you planning on waiting until after you're married before cohabitating? You don't REALLY know someone, and how you click, until you're sharing the same space. You've gotten a little taste of what she brings with this, so how much more are you willing to roll the dice on? You have to figure the next issue/issues will be the moving in together discussion, then the setting the date for the wedding discussion. If she doesn't feel there's significant progress on these fronts, expect ultimatums again.

[DVY]

Great thread. I've had a couple ultimatums so far, but not at this level. Thanks for furthering my education.

[Samseau]

(05-16-2013 01:27 AM)Handsome Creepy Eel Wrote:  

I agree that my approach is "weak", but that is the whole point here. Of course I could scream at her when she brings it up and make her submit, but it's self-defeating. I don't want to be in a LTR with a woman whom I have to control that way. One day, almost guaranteed when people spend many years together, a point will come when for some reason I will feel bad or tired and I am unable to handle a shit test (even though passing it is the right thing to do). Do I really want to have a woman who will threaten to break up with me because I didn't shout at her or preemptively threaten her with leaving (or because she went through with a crazy ultimatum)? Hell no.

Dalrock Wrote:

The foundation for her commitment to your marriage shouldn’t be your game. If she is only one, or a few, or even 50 failed shit tests away from walking away from her sacred vow and/or whoring around, then she isn’t a wife, she is a whore. Don’t marry a whore.
http://dalrock.wordpress.com/2010/11/19/...your-wife/

That's the only reason why I gave her so many chances to talk it over, behave reasonably and not force me to either agree with her ridiculous demand or shout and kick her out. She failed all of them, but I think a woman who is otherwise good to me deserves a chance to turn around.

Supeficially, it looks like the same lose-lose bet like with those women who constantly shit test men - either men are alpha and dump them, or they're beta and give in to their demands, so she becomes disgusted by him - either way, the woman loses. However, the difference is that I'll just find another girl and be happy if she dumps me over this (or I dump her, as my patience has expired completely). Unlike her, I have no expiry date.

p.s. for the record, we don't live together.

Dalrock's advice is unreasonable. Every woman will shit test you, it is part of their nature. It's just a matter of whether or not you can tolerate the bullshit and drama she loves to create. What is a shit-test to one man is but a mere utterance to another man.

That said, are you seriously thinking of marrying this cunt?



Come on son. The line about "waiting until marriage" is a good one, but you'd have to be smoking crack if you think this girl will get better with time.

[Therapsid]

Honestly, brushing off shit-tests in the context of an LTR has got to be one of the easiest and most basic aspects of game. You could have bad approach anxiety and be only able to pull of a few same night lays per year and still be able to comfortably cruise past the shit-tests your long term girl pulls. But all this assumes that she cares more than you do... if it's the other way around, then you should go screw a bunch of other chicks pronto to put things in perspective.

[Handsome Creepy Eel]

Samseau Wrote:

Every woman will shit test you, it is part of their nature.

Yes, but not every woman will leave you or treat you badly if you fail a single shit test.

Quote:

That said, are you seriously thinking of marrying this cunt?

See? What makes her a cunt isn't the fact that she threw a shit test my way, it's her attitude (regardless of the fact that she didn't withhold sex, stop saying nice things, stop cooking or do similar shit during this). I agree that one is of major concern.

After all of this, I am just not feeling the marriage thing anymore. Being with her is still very pleasing but I have started fearing what she might do if she gets the legal system behind her, and I am having doubts about ever closing something that I created just because she wants it (she will fire back at me that her smoking issue is the same thing, but eh). Moreover, when she threatened to break up, I just kind of stopped feeling the bond.

I just don't know whether to wait and give it a chance (ala Timoteo), or tell her that if she wants to get married, I wouldn't want to waste her time and just end it. There's probably some drama coming her way...

[bojangles]

Honestly lad, I'd drop her now. Your LTR with her has spiraled downwards as she's exposing more of her flawed character. This is just the first look at it, it's going to get worse.

[Wreckingball]

Thinking about Marriage? You've been on the forum for 2 years, you should know better.

[Samseau]

(05-17-2013 02:53 AM)Handsome Creepy Eel Wrote:  

Samseau Wrote:

Every woman will shit test you, it is part of their nature.

Yes, but not every woman will leave you or treat you badly if you fail a single shit test.

Eventually any woman will leave you if you consistently fail all shit tests. Every time you fail one, she feels less attraction for you. Remove all attraction and she'll cheat and/or dump you.

Doesn't matter how long she's been with you beforehand. In fact the longer you've been in a relationship the more likely it is she'll cheat.

Quote:

Quote:

That said, are you seriously thinking of marrying this cunt?

See? What makes her a cunt isn't the fact that she threw a shit test my way, it's her attitude (regardless of the fact that she didn't withhold sex, stop saying nice things, stop cooking or do similar shit during this). I agree that one is of major concern.

After all of this, I am just not feeling the marriage thing anymore. Being with her is still very pleasing but I have started fearing what she might do if she gets the legal system behind her, and I am having doubts about ever closing something that I created just because she wants it (she will fire back at me that her smoking issue is the same thing, but eh). Moreover, when she threatened to break up, I just kind of stopped feeling the bond.

I just don't know whether to wait and give it a chance (ala Timoteo), or tell her that if she wants to get married, I wouldn't want to waste her time and just end it. There's probably some drama coming her way...

Nah, this is good practice. Don't dump her. See how much you can cheat on her without being caught.

By the way, the fact that she backed down with the "I'll get rid of it at marriage" just shows you how transparent her motives are. You'd be a fool to fall for this.

And yes, it's her attitude that sucks, but it's always the shit-tests that reveal a woman's character best.

[samsamsam]

(05-17-2013 10:54 AM)Samseau Wrote:  

(05-17-2013 02:53 AM)Handsome Creepy Eel Wrote:  

Every woman will shit test you, it is part of their nature.

Quote:

[quote]Quote:

That said, are you seriously thinking of marrying this cunt?

See? What makes her a cunt isn't the fact that she threw a shit test my way, it's her attitude (regardless of the fact that she didn't withhold sex, stop saying nice things, stop cooking or do similar shit during this). I agree that one is of major concern.

After all of this, I am just not feeling the marriage thing anymore. Being with her is still very pleasing but I have started fearing what she might do if she gets the legal system behind her, and I am having doubts about ever closing something that I created just because she wants it (she will fire back at me that her smoking issue is the same thing, but eh). Moreover, when she threatened to break up, I just kind of stopped feeling the bond.

I just don't know whether to wait and give it a chance (ala Timoteo), or tell her that if she wants to get married, I wouldn't want to waste her time and just end it. There's probably some drama coming her way...

Nah, this is good practice. Don't dump her. See how much you can cheat on her without being caught.

By the way, the fact that she backed down with the "I'll get rid of it at marriage" just shows you how transparent her motives are. You'd be a fool to fall for this.

And yes, it's her attitude that sucks, but it's always the shit-tests that reveal a woman's character best.

I hate to put it into business terms but it is about opportunity cost and marginal returns. Basically, are do you have better options and are you at least getting a level of utility that justifies the effort. If you are still getting something out of it, stay I guess. But once it starts costing too much to be around her then cheat/dump whatever you need to.