Good shit on the junior threesome(Slubu came up with the term not me).
- Clint Barton
Quote: (08-16-2014 04:11 AM)William Windsor Wrote:
Quote: (08-15-2014 03:09 PM)slubu Wrote:
I tell her I'll wear a condom to which she retorts it's only 70% effective. I have no idea where this idiot is getting these numbers
It's only 70% effective because she knows there's a 30% chance you'd talk her into taking it off.
Quote: (08-19-2014 04:53 AM)slubu Wrote:
Day 20:
My first day in Tallinn. Pretty cool city when you get into the Old Town. I walk around and do some grocery shopping but can't figure out where to get a SIM card. I see a noticeable drop in the talent here, but it's only been a few hours. I need some time.
Meet up with a local forum guy at night, we start drinking and searching out various bars. We hit up a lot of bars, nothing really going on except some dirty backpackers. A few cute girls are mixed in, but they are either not receptive or not logistically available. End up at Shooters and start talking to these two Estonian girls from Tartu. The blonde is pretty cute, I'm working her and she is receptive to the touch but won't ask me any personal questions. Not even "where are you from" despite knowing I'm not from Estonia obviously. I find out she has a boyfriend, and eject. I don't need to give some girl entertainment so she can go home and fuck her boyfriend.
We go outside searching for more girls. Do another full lap of all the bars in this town, still nothing but dirty backpackers. Try to get some street action but nothing sticks. After the full lap, we end up back at shooters again and I see two girls taking shots. Bingo. I go over and ask what they are celebrating and they are receptive. The only problem is one of them is pretty damn ugly. I'm talking 2 face, 6 body so we can peg her at a 4. The other one is decently cute, think a very poor man's Milla Jovovich. At this point I've been having a drink at every bar so I'm pretty drunk and start talking with Milla while the new forum buddy is entertaining the 4. I know how to escalate a party, so I get another round of shots for everyone.
The girls now want to dance so we go with them. Milla is a terrible dancer, I'm talking atrocious. She keeps doing the robot moves from Eurotrip but is serious about it. I can't decide whether to laugh or take video but it turns me off. Still she is way better than the 4. I go take a piss, and when I come out the 4 literally jumps at me to make out. ??? Go back to the dance floor and now we are alternating girls, with it eventually becoming the 4 being all over me. She tells me the other girl has a boyfriend. Of course she does.
Now let me pause the story to recount something from earlier in the night. When I went grocery shopping, I didn't really think it through that well. So after accounting for all the alcohol I may need for an afterparty I didn't have much capacity to carry anything else. So the only food I got was eggs, some cold cuts and pickled beets leading to my dinner being...eggs, cold cuts and an unnatural amount of pickled beets. What you ask is wrong with that? Well beets are a form of nature's viagra. Normally this is not a problem and in fact more than welcome. However...
The 4 is grinding on me, kissing me, and fuck me the beets cause me to get hard. And I'm drunk. I keep looking at her face and thinking how ugly she is, and then my dick is telling me shutup and just fuck her. Ughh. In my mind I try to make an objective analysis of the situation which at best was my heavily intoxicated male hamster trying to convince my rational mind that sex is a good idea with this clown faced excuse of a girl. It's now 3:30 a.m., there are no other girls in this city you've walked around for hours, let me touch her breast - not bad, perhaps she gives good head?, what's her ass like let me feel, maybe she has a really smooth and nice vagina...all these thoughts go through my head. She takes me outside and this time when she attacks me I kiss back. With a heavy heart I will tell you RVF this was not my proudest game moment. The decision has been made, I am going to try to fuck her.
We all bounce to another bar and drink another fucking drink. I become less interested in my girl and even embarrassed to be around her. I'm wavering on my decision. I say let's go to everyone, I'm calling it a night if she comes fine if not fine also. We go walk towards my apartment. The 4 and Milla the robotic dancing queen have a discussion and they part. New forum buddy takes Milla to who knows where, hopefully he can bang through her boyfriend resistance. I grab the 4 and we go upstairs. Then I see her in the light, in the quiet of my nicely furnished studio rental. I can't do it. No fucking way. This girl is too ugly. To go from 8s and threeways in Budapest, to banging a cute Polish girl at a wedding, to this is just wrong.
I take off my clothes and get in bed to pass out and tell her she can stay or go if she wants. She says ok and lies down. And then...she jumps up and runs to the bathroom and starts vomiting profusely. Absolutely wonderful. She comes back and lies down again, only to jump up a second later and go for round two. I consider telling her to just leave but despite her lack of aesthetics she was a very nice girl and I'm just not that much of an asshole. I eventually pass out, hating myself for even kissing her and allowing this situation to develop. We wake up in the morning and she is telling me stories about how she couldn't get food at a pub in Scotland one day. I'm hungover as shit and have no idea what she is blabbing about. I can't decide what's more ridiculous, the thought that anyone would care about this story or that I actually made out with a girl this ugly. I also think about how amazingly comfortable this mattress is my rental, though that really has nothing to do with the story.
I look her up and down and try to find one redeeming physical quality. I guess she has a decent ass, but then again we are maxing at a 6 body wise. I'm just looking for justification and there is none. I wish I could press delete on the night but I can't. It's ok, I have another 9 nights here to make up for it. She still won't fucking leave though and asks me if I want to come eat with her. I tell her I'm not leaving my bed. She hangs around, I know she wants me to ask for her number but I won't. "So I guess I'll see you around..." I ask her if she knows how to let herself out and she finally gets the hint and leaves. I make some coffee and message my future Hungarian wife and chat with her, just to feel normal again.
Quote: (08-19-2014 04:53 AM)slubu Wrote:
Day 20:
My first day in Tallinn. Pretty cool city when you get into the Old Town. I walk around and do some grocery shopping but can't figure out where to get a SIM card. I see a noticeable drop in the talent here, but it's only been a few hours. I need some time.
Quote: (08-19-2014 04:53 AM)slubu Wrote:
Day 20:
Now let me pause the story to recount something from earlier in the night. When I went grocery shopping, I didn't really think it through that well. So after accounting for all the alcohol I may need for an afterparty I didn't have much capacity to carry anything else. So the only food I got was eggs, some cold cuts and pickled beets leading to my dinner being...eggs, cold cuts and an unnatural amount of pickled beets. What you ask is wrong with that? Well beets are a form of nature's viagra. Normally this is not a problem and in fact more than welcome. However...
Quote: (08-17-2014 06:28 AM)slubu Wrote:
We all go outside to smoke a cigarette. Somehow I start talking to this one girl. I wish I remembered more, but I don't. I know we made out outside. I know my hands were all over her. I get her to my room, we fuck, I have no idea if I used a condom or if I even came. Fucking vodka. At least I got hard and penetrated, I do recall that. As we walk downstairs two kids are crying in Polish, they lost their parents. We walk them to the other wedding party and they run to mom and dad. I think we were probably gone for about an hour, but really that is pure speculation as I have no idea. As we walk back into the main ballroom, I get the stare of death from the bride.