Gents, help me, please. My ex is calling me at night for me to read stories to her while she faps. I am regularly distracted by thoughts of hopping on a plane to bang her on castle ramparts overlooking pine forests one last time...before we live happily ever after, lol.

In terms of sex and banter, she was the best girl I ever had. I would have wifed her up in another, less red pill life, probably would have been a mistake as we don't share core values, e.g. she is a "small f" feminist, I.e. has no active engagement with it, but just thinks that feminism=being nice to women, therefore non feminists are nasty to women, and that marriage is a raw deal for women. Needless to say, a lot of her attraction to me stemmed from teasing around this issue, as pretty much all the guys in her regular social circle are cuck faces who clutch their pearls at anything red pill. She is also ambivalent about having kids, which is a definite no no for me.

I need some serious memes to get me through this. I am suffering this delusion where her pussy is the honeypot of all sweetness, and all others are unhygienic dry old trout flaps attached to boring grumps.

I've blocked her on messaging apps, but in all honesty I enjoy her calls and just can't bring myself to block her number too, or at least stop answering the damn phone.

Bless me with your memes, prithee.

Rather than blocking her or ignoring her calls, you should communicate with her directly and tell her you don't want to do it any more.

On some level you realise you're wasting your time and are reserving space for her. I believe these manifest as the distractions you are experiencing.
It's holding you back and preventing you from moving on.

You didn't mention why you broke up, but have identified that it's long distance and you have fundamental differences on what you want.
There are other good women out there!

(This isn't a shitty meme thread either, you can find them anywhere)

Quote: (03-18-2018 08:11 PM)Mig Picante Wrote:  

Rather than blocking her or ignoring her calls, you should communicate with her directly and tell her you don't want to do it any more.

On some level you realise you're wasting your time and are reserving space for her. I believe these manifest as the distractions you are experiencing.
It's holding you back and preventing you from moving on.

You are right, of course. I wish I were a cold mofo who could enjoy the calls and go about the rest of my life unaffected by her pouring gasps of honey into my ear, but I'm a sentimental old fish monger. Thanks.

Quote: (03-18-2018 08:11 PM)Mig Picante Wrote:  

(This isn't a shitty meme thread either, you can find them anywhere)

Except about the memes. How dare you?!? Memes are beautiful at any size.

I went through a recent breakup and was doing fine with it, getting excited about new leads and what not, up until tonight. I straight up broke down. Had a sudden massive swell of nostalgic emotion, and was convinced for a few hours that the only thing in this world that could possibly ease my agony was to get back with my ex. I was just lying on the couch, no energy to move, no appetite whatsoever, wallowing in pain, resisting the urge to give her a call and beg to reunite. This shit is powerful. It will make you self-destruct if you're not careful.

The thing is, I know that these emotions don't come from a place of actually thinking my ex is good for me in the long-run. If I thought that then I wouldn't have let her go in the first place. I diagnose it as just dealing with too many icy bitches. When you're in a relationship, sex, love, and affection all come on-demand, and you become spoiled. Then you're single and back to wading through the minefield of women who are almost always at least one of either fat, damaged, painfully dumb, flaky, cold, or unfeminine, and who all couldn't give a shit about you. It just feels like no one can compare to the ex. You come to realize that you are so far away from experiencing again the feminine love that you were taking for granted just a little while ago. First you have to locate another woman whom you'd want it from, then successfully jump through the bazillion hoops required to win over her love (while the latter gets easier with self-improvement, the former actually becomes harder, as your range of acceptable women narrows considerably); fail at any stage and you start over from square one. This obviously takes time but you want to feel good now.

Those who have recently gone through a breakup know exactly why a thread like this is necessary. It really is akin to breaking an addiction, and a support group helps tremendously.

Not sure what point I'm trying to make with this post. Just a stream of consciousness. It's cathartic.

Quote: (03-25-2018 01:56 AM)Delta Wrote:  

Those who have recently gone through a breakup know exactly why a thread like this is necessary. It really is akin to breaking an addiction, and a support group helps tremendously.

Not sure what point I'm trying to make with this post. Just a stream of consciousness. It's cathartic.

Love and the Brain

@ Delta. And I thought I was the only one,lol. My last major ex fell into my lap practically, it was a perfect storm of romance, I hardly had to do anything for such a top trout. She put so much work into the relationship and we had two excellent years together. It's highly unlikely that I'll ever have it so easy getting total commitment from such a great girl again, which is nothing to whine about, but there it is.
As you did, I broke up with her for insurmountable reasons, but afterwards they seemed trivial (she'd done nothing wrong, after all), and even though I was hooking up with objectively hotter, or equally hot, girls, I would wake up next to them semi-dreaming it was her, and even tear up when I woke up enough to realise it wasn't.

The good news is ... Im single, pushing forty, several minor health issues, less gainfully employed than I've ever been since the age of 17, unsure where to go or what do next, and I thank the Lord for everything, warts and all. I wouldn't miss this for the world.

@ksbms Good article, thank you.

Quote: (03-25-2018 09:07 PM)PondScum Wrote:  

@ Delta. And I thought I was the only one,lol. My last major ex fell into my lap practically, it was a perfect storm of romance, I hardly had to do anything for such a top trout. She put so much work into the relationship and we had two excellent years together. It's highly unlikely that I'll ever have it so easy getting total commitment from such a great girl again, which is nothing to whine about, but there it is.
As you did, I broke up with her for insurmountable reasons, but afterwards they seemed trivial (she'd done nothing wrong, after all), and even though I was hooking up with objectively hotter, or equally hot, girls, I would wake up next to them semi-dreaming it was her, and even tear up when I woke up enough to realise it wasn't.

The good news is ... Im single, pushing forty, several minor health issues, less gainfully employed than I've ever been since the age of 17, unsure where to go or what do next, and I thank the Lord for everything, warts and all. I wouldn't miss this for the world.

@ksbms Good article, thank you.

Damn, this reminds me of my own shit recently:

I've had one ex stuck in my head for a really long time. Some days I still tear up a bit thinking about her.

A few weeks back, I had some other girl in my bed. We fucked, I didn't feel anything. I turned to my side, and this girl was trying to cuddle with me. And all I could do was think about the ex and how much I wanted her cuddling with me.

I mean, I know my ex was bad for me. But god damn, if only the emotional side of my brain could accept what the logical side of my brain knows.

Quote: (02-03-2018 11:35 AM)456 Wrote:  

No contact has usually been easy for me -- what's hard, and SUPER VALUABLE is no lookie.

Don't even look at glimpses of social media. You are secretly hoping you'll see something juicy and upsetting, and at the same time hoping you won't.

Even a new profile picture will have you spinning wheels if you're in a vulnerable state (read: haven't been keeping busy!).

Other bullshit -- I remember never using Venmo except a few times with younger friends, and one particular girl. I hadn't seen her face in a few years, but had to use Venmo again a while later and saw her in the "newsfeed" -- hah. I chuckled. Over it by then, but it was simple to click "hide this user".

This one's a killer for me. Saw my ex post a new profile pic, she looked damn good too, and it got my depressed for a while (this was months ago, but your post reminded me of having to do no lookie as well).

Jesus. And this is exactly the reason why I wouldn't marry anything less than a virgin.

Just by looking at how attached some guys on here still are to their ex, I know it's the same or probably even worse for women and their ex-boyfriends. There's that ex that will always be in the background and if circumstances are right, they'll easily just hook up again.

Quote: (03-26-2018 05:09 AM)dosequis Wrote:  

Just by looking at how attached some guys on here still are to their ex, I know it's the same or probably even worse for women and their ex-boyfriends. There's that ex that will always be in the background and if circumstances are right, they'll easily just hook up again.

Right on the nose, one of the smaller red pills in my life was how much several ex girlfriends actively kept in touch with me while they were in other relationships, one of them from my early twenties kept it up for almost ten years, through I think three of her other boyfriends, and another for a year while she was married, even inviting me (personal invitations, not just some group facebook thing) to her gatherings.

Quote: (03-26-2018 04:17 AM)Genghis Khan Wrote:  

I mean, I know my ex was bad for me. But god damn, if only the emotional side of my brain could accept what the logical side of my brain knows.

That's the kicker for me. My ex was excellent for me. Best girlfriend I ever had by miles, but, for several concrete reasons, having a family, with or without marriage, was simply not an option. I could have stayed with her for years and years, got a few dogs and some budgerigars, but I had to let her go while she still had her youth, and I'm not getting any younger myself.

But, like so many heartbreaks and disappointments, great and small, it was a call to reject cynicism and bitterness, and love life even more fervently, with deeper compassion for myself and all the other souls fumbling our way home to God.

Time to go and reread the legend of Genghis and Borte. Now that's romance.

Quote:Quote:

You're right, all women are like this. They all have a point they cross where they give zero fucks about you, ever again. All of the exes that dumped me have shown me that.. thats why they go away and never contact you again

This is very true.

I talked on this forum about a girl I was involved with for 4 months. She was Ukranian and 13 years my junior, and at the start presented herself as the best girlfriend ever. Traditional and feminine and smart. The sex was amazing too.

I started to back away when the cracks began to appear and I realised this girl had Narcissistic Personality Disorder. She was abusive and emotionally draining. Since I started to extricate myself I have been feeling very down. Two reasons for this: she was the hottest girl I've ever banged, and I was on such an emotional high during the early stages of this relationship that the crash was very debilitating. It's still very raw.

When I tried to break up with her she spent about a month chasing me with phone calls and long effusive texts. I met up with her twice (but avoided sleeping with her). She was begging me to come back to her.

The last time I contacted her was 3 weeks ago. I was stupid for trying to keep a foot in the relationship while she chased. But on this call she officially ended it and said she never wanted to hear from me again. I eventually discovered that she had started to date someone at her work, and was extremely cold. Just two weeks previous she was telling me how much she missed me.

I'm glad this happened because I'd have probably kept a foot in this relationship indefinitely. I blocked her on all social media and deleted her number.

Women are like monkeys, and when they have grabbed the next branch they will drop you and never look back, regardless that they were still claiming "love" a short time ago. I've seen this behaviour before. There comes a time when they decide intellectually to invest in the shiny new toy and their "feelings" for you are dismissed. If they ever had feelings to begin with. It's a very mercenary type of behaviour. They chase you until someone new comes along, and that's that.

It's been a few weeks since I've blocked her and I havent looked at any of her social media.

Stay strong, brothers.

Quote: (03-26-2018 07:13 AM)griffinmill Wrote:  

You're right, all women are like this. They all have a point they cross where they give zero fucks about you, ever again. All of the exes that dumped me have shown me that.. thats why they go away and never contact you again

Yep, that especially sums up my teenage romances. A couple of them went from "I miss you, my love, you've ruined me for the other boys, I'll always be there for you, please let's stay friends, we're still young, who knows what the future holds?" to ignoring me like a ranting, week old piss soaked beggar* in the street in the space of a week. And it's not like most of them ever really grow up.

I don't know about you guys, but this thread has really helped, not to mention given me something productive to do on the train home. And on the loo.

Thanks, lads, eyes front!

*It wasn't my piss, sheesh, throw me a fricking bone here.

Came across this thread and I gotta say, I'm glad it's here. I'm actually going through something along these lines, but I'm making it tougher on myself because I'm currently writing a memoir book that's half about my ex. Well, it's about my travels but a big section of the book is about the ex I fell in love with abroad so as I wrote those chapters, all of the reasons why I developed feelings for her came back. I thought I was over her, but writing the book made me realize I wasn't.

It doesn't help that I'm now in America compared to the country I met her where women are warm and sweet. I swear for months after I broke up with her, she wouldn't give up on me or leave me alone. I had to block her to send a clear message, then I unblocked her for a bit and we actually had serious conversations for a bit. I drunk texted her A LOT though. Had absolutely no control when I was drunk, particularly if I was coming back from striking out in an American bar. So, a couple months ago I had to block her again, I haven't gone back since.

But damn, it was hard. I think about her a lot and at least six months have gone by. But, I knew it wasn't right because I knew deep down she wanted to settle down, get married, and have kids sooner rather than later. I wasn't nearly ready for any of that. In fact, I told the situation to a few RVF bros and they were the ones that convinced me to move forward with breaking up with her in the first place. They said this despite 1-2 of them meeting the girl and seemingly liking her, so that's when I knew I was getting good advice I should follow.

I've tried to get back out there. Met a Haitian girl recently that's sweet compared to American girls, absolutely head over heels for me in kind of a crazy way. But, I'm pretty distant with her. In theory she should be my type of girl, but the sparks don't fly with me like it did with my ex. With my ex, she was the only girl I had an immediate and high-intensity attraction for the second I first laid eyes on her. Never experienced that before and don't think I'll forget it.

I'm rambling but the point is I think the key is to commit to no contact and try to find a girl that can match her quality to replace her with. In my case, I think I'll have to re-locate before I get that opportunity again lol.

It is great to read your stories. Helps to put everything in context. This is my experience, I started seeing a Belorussian girl couple months ago on the side, my main girl felt the change immediately. Things were going great, good chemistry, at least I thought so, kissing the first date and invited out of Minsk for a week in the town I am working (touristic European city)

First, she was very reluctant to have sex, but sweet and teasing me. Finally we had sex and after couple rounds she was all happy and I felt we had a real connection. Strange thing even though we spent the week together and after having sex she wanted “her own space” He wanted to sleep alone. Dramatic mood changes, one day would be all kissing and touching me during the day and at night going to her own space. The whole week was like that. We had sex only three days out of 8. Now everyone is back to normal life and I know she is not into me, but that exactly makes me want her more (stupid, I know)

I guess my ego is hurt and regret the time spent. I am used that girls I am going out and specially after Sex are into me a lot, and make an effort to be with me. This one no.

After we came back, I have made an effort to not contact her, but it is hard. I was weak and texted her couple times and the result, as expected, was very little engagement but lots of emojis (hearts, faces, kisses) but very few words.

I am decided to stop this nonsense but it is hard to stop seeing her social media updates.

I stopped following her in Instagram after reading your posts. I must confess I amhurt, specially that she is physically the girl I like and the sex (when we had) was perfect!

Reading your experience helps! Tnx for sharing.

One thing to keep in mind, or at least for me to remind myself: winter time in North America is a bitch. Nobody goes out, the sun sets early, so there isn't much sun light either. Very easy to get depressed, and thus very easy to start pining after an ex. That's what happened to me - winter hit, Christmas time hit, and afterwards everyone stayed inside, felt a bit more lonely than usual. As the weather gets better, I imagine most people will have an easier time to go out and about again.

Quick update from my no-contact situation. I just wake up couple days ago and said, fuck her.... I started chasing other girls. Once other girls kept my attention, it has been a lot easier to ignore her.

Sometimes a little perspective goes a long way...

My ex drunk dialed me the other night after more than a month of absolutely no contact.

She messaged me "accidentally" saying she meant to message somebody else, which is of course total poppycock.

That led to a video call, and she was drunk and acting all kinds of crazy, saying crazy shit, being a total victim, pointing her finger at me about anything and everything, and just generally wasting my time and energy.

The thing is, she did all those things before and because she had introduced them into our dynamic so gradually I sort of let them slide over time.

But after more than a month of living in tranquility, saving hours upon hours of time in mundane chit chat, emotional equilibrium, and dealing with much saner girls, it was very clear to me that breaking up was the right decision.

Always make your future bigger than your past.

There are millions of girls out there, and if there's any doubt that you can do better, then there's no doubt.

This chick was obviously fishing for signs of lingering interest and emotion.

And to be honest I did feel the nostalgic mosaic of memories and feelings come back.

But it didn't sway my logical mind from holding firmly to the to never, ever getting back with this girl again.

That month long break provided the contrast needed to see her more objectively as the lovely, but ultimately very damaged girl that she is.

Quote: (03-26-2018 06:33 AM)PondScum Wrote:  

[quote='dosequis' pid='1757086' dateline='1522058948']
even inviting me (personal invitations, not just some group facebook thing) to her gatherings.

What is surprising, one of my ex-gfs invited me to her wedding. ))

Had another relapse of soul-crushing depression and nostalgia tonight.

90% of chicks you talk to are impossible to bond or connect with. Im-fucking-possible. They're cold. They're listless. They're vapid. They're lazy. Their ability to pair-bond with a man of comparable value is utterly destroyed by all the dick they've taken from men out of their league who were reaching down for an easy lay.

After a certain amount of racking my brain to try and manufacture a connection with girls who just refuse to meet me halfway, I reach a breaking point. My brain just says "this is fucking ridiculous" and floods my system with a rush of hormones that make me want to give up on trying futilely to create new bonds, and instead just crave to relive the last true bond I had- with my ex.

The problems that led to the demise of my last relationship- problems that seemed overwhelming at the time- now seem like nothing compared to the problem of trying to find another girl who I can love, who can love me back, and whose company I can genuinely enjoy.

I need strength in the worst possible way right now. I have never given in to anything else in my life. The typical ways people destroy themselves; drugs, alcohol, food, laziness, overspending; have never been an issue for me. I have fantastic self-control. But this beast is tempting me to throw my self-respect and long-term well-being out the window like nothing else. Like I said in my previous post, it is powerful.

The good news is that pouring my emotions out to a receptive community like this dulls the pain significantly. It's always nice to know you're not alone.

Delta Brother.

I am hearing your pain. I am holding on to a crappy LTR which is going nowhere and causing me to be depressed for exactly the same reason you pointed out.... the alternative is worse.

This is madness, weakness and just being lazy on my part.

So brother, take heart, you ares smarter and one step ahead of me!

Just finished my mini-relationship with my next door neighbour in my new rental apartment. Quite a sweet girl who was into me.

Times like these my ex springs up in my mind nearly all the time as she was so much prettier, hotter, cooler than any of the girls that I have met since.

Before and during our LTR she was being hounded by other guys (a lot of them alphas) and I managed to steer the relationship through that pretty well.

Don't like to think what's been happening since. There's a lot of emotions in me waiting to get set off should I check.

I am good at blocking on all apps and social media.

The way I resist the urge to check up on her is by giving my self a date when I will snoop - that date is circa 2 years away as I must have approached a (high) set number of women by then, nailed a set number/percentage of those women and hit my goals in terms of gym gains, financial gains, and career moves by that stage.

Its motivation and hopefully a guarantee that by that stage she will be more like just a memory.

Also Im not only a pretty jealous guy but also a competitive one: determined to level myself up as a person way more than she ever will have by the time it comes to checking.

Quote: (04-04-2018 10:18 PM)Delta Wrote:  

The problems that led to the demise of my last relationship- problems that seemed overwhelming at the time- now seem like nothing compared to the problem of trying to find another girl who I can love, who can love me back, and whose company I can genuinely enjoy.

Not trying to one-up you on suffering, I'm in a good place right now, despite being sort of broke and having some health problems, but the break up pain is behind me.

I broke up with an ideal woman (i.e. plenty flawed, but in ways that I can handle easily, and otherwise a superb companion) because there's no chance for us to make a family. I could cheerfully have stayed with her for years more, but I sincerely want her to bag a man who is content without kids (or perhaps already has his own and doesn't want more) while she still has her twenties to offer.

And, like you say, for many soul crushing periods afterwards, the no-chance-for-children issue that caused me to break up with her seemed like nothing, even though I know 100% that I want a family. All the dozens of girls I've met since have seemed 'meh' at best, except for a couple who, surprise surprise, have boyfriends.

Chin up, the world is still beautiful.

@Delta

Do you have the ability to live abroad, even if only for brief periods?

You're selling yourself short with 99% of American chicks.

You don't even realize how bad it is until you go abroad.

@RatInTheWoods

Thai girl getcha?

They got some serious sneaky ass Asian girl game.

Quote: (04-04-2018 11:09 PM)RatInTheWoods Wrote:  

Delta Brother.

I am hearing your pain. I am holding on to a crappy LTR which is going nowhere and causing me to be depressed for exactly the same reason you pointed out.... the alternative is worse.

This is madness, weakness and just being lazy on my part.

So brother, take heart, you ares smarter and one step ahead of me!

I was in that spot for a few weeks. As it became apparent that this wasn't the girl I should marry, I fell into a depression dreading the inevitable- which it took me forever to bring myself to do, because she was just so god damn sweet and loving.

I can't tell you it's any easier on the other side, so to speak, but you have to prioritize the rest of your life above all else. The rest of your life is a long time and one of the worst things you can do is stay with the wrong person.

Quote: (04-05-2018 12:29 PM)VincentVinturi Wrote:  

@Delta

Do you have the ability to live abroad, even if only for brief periods?

You're selling yourself short with 99% of American chicks.

You don't even realize how bad it is until you go abroad.

Not only do I live in America, I live in a part of America that has been specifically discussed on here as a particularly awful dating market for men. It is not lost on me that I'm highly undervalued here; I've played around with changing my location on dating apps, and my jaw dropped at how much attention I received [pretending to be] elsewhere as compared to here.

It's just a matter of wanting to have my cake and eat it too. I know I could relocate and have this problem go away, but I want to stay close to my family/friends and keep my job, and I also want to connect with a cute girl with whom I share a cultural background. Like the FOB Asian types are often physically attractive, but they just seem really weird to me; I just prefer to hang out with the more All-American type girls. I wouldn't feel like I gained much if I took a two week solo trip to the Phils and fucked a few girls while there.