Quote: (01-03-2017 02:07 PM)Rob Banks Wrote:  

As for the relationship with my dad, it is already ruined whether I go through with this or not.

Here's the crux of the issue being pointed out by other forum members. If your relationship with him is ruined, as you claim, then why are you living with him? Why share the same roof? Why eat the food he provides? Why accept $18k to travel around Europe? In the minds of many around here, this adds up to you being an entitled and ungrateful son. It would be another thing if you lived on your own and paid for your trip to Europe. But as it stands, neither of those two things is true.

From your post, it seems as though you're not emotionally stable. Think for a moment. Let's say your girlfriend was the breadwinner and the two of you shared a bank account. 80% of the funds were earned by her, but she lacks impulse control when she shops. As the leader of the household, would you place limits on her access to the account even if the majority of the funds were hers? Would you take away the debit card and all her credit cards? I have a feeling your dad views you in the same light. Your grandmother invested a large chunk of change in order to set you up for a bright future, and you already blew over 1/3rd of it in a span of 1.5 months.

Quote:Quote:

This thread was supposed to be about what tactics I should use to ensure that the bonds are in my hands after it's all said and done.

Other members have discussed tactics, but they directly conflict with yours. This isn't a validation chamber. Sometimes we have to get dealt some harsh truths. The tactics you outlined will all end badly. Also, why involve the state in your family's business? Keep the government out unless you have no other options. It can only cause you headaches. It's happened before and it sounds like it didn't end well for you.

Quote:Quote:

I have already contemplated whether or not to do this for the last several months. I have thought long and hard about it, spoken to my girl and my closest friends, seriously doubted whether I should do it (for fear I would spend the money irresponsibly), and then ultimately decided to do it. It's a done deal. This is going down tomorrow or Thursday, most likely. I will be back to report on how it went.

If you don't trust yourself, how can you expect anyone else to trust you? And once again, it's sounding more and more like you came here for validation rather than to discuss tactics.

Quote:Quote:

PS: To anyone who thinks I am being an ungrateful asshole to my dad for no reason, I would be happy to talk via PM and give you a detailed account of who my dad really is and all the shit he has done over the years. In fact, I just posted a detailed post (in this thread) detailing all the fucked up weak-minded shit my dad has done over the years, but I decided to delete the post because I didn't feel right about using a public forum to bitch about how "my daddy was mean to me." I'd be happy to go over it through PM, though, if anyone really wants to know.

I don't think many here doubt that your dad has pulled some bullshit and has probably not been the world's best father. But he has done more for you than many other fathers, provided support when he didn't need to, and still puts a roof over your head. I know some people whose parents kicked them to the curb the day they turned 18 and told them they weren't welcome back. They had to scratch and claw just to get a job, shelter, and food. You, on the other hand, live at home at the age of 25 and just spent $18k in Europe. If you don't see the disconnect, then there's not much else to say. To be honest, your issues sound more like basic upper middle class suburban white bitch's problems, not a man's problems.

I'm looking forward to hearing back about how things went. Hopefully the bridge doesn't get scorched to the ground.

A friend of mine could legally dispute a half-million dollar life insurance payout his mother received. His parent's were in the middle of a divorce when his father died (guess how). His father had sent my friend info that he wanted the beneficiary to be him. However, my friend isn't willing to destroy his relationship with his mother over it.

You're looking at doing that for five figures.

He funded an 18k holiday in Europe and let's you live with him. Maybe try not to piss him off so he won't call the cops on you. Unless he was a drunk that used to beat the shit out of you, he's not that bad.

Quote: (01-03-2017 02:29 PM)EvanWilson Wrote:  

You only need some of the information to replace the bonds.

I did some research, and as I suspected, while the reissue form says that you need all of the information, that is not true. It just makes it easier if you have all of the information.

Since you know what amounts there are, and your social security number, it should be possible to get the bonds reissued in electronic form without your father even knowing.

http://www.kiplinger.com/article/investi...-bond.html
How to Find a Lost Savings Bond

Quote:Quote:

Even if you don't know how many you had, when you got them or what kind they were, you may still be able to track down missing U.S. savings bonds.

Quote:Quote:

Start by going to TreasuryDirect.gov and download Form 1048 Claim for Lost, Stolen or Destroyed U.S. Savings Bonds. Fill out as much information as you can about the lost bond including the bond owner's name, address and Social Security number, the approximate issue date (or date range), serial number if available and other details about the loss.

One thing that may make things go easier with your dad. If possible, before you go through the reissue of the bonds, sign over enough to pay dad off, then you can file to get the other 17K reissued electronically to yourself and do whatever you want without any involvement or even your father knowing. I think this will allow you to get your money with the least amount of problems.

Even if you went the other routes, they would all involve court and would take much longer since to even get on a calendar in most places would take months. Calling the police will not help unless they show up with the bonds on a desk in front of dad, and they can't go into his lockbox without a court order.

Of all of the options, I think that is the fastest and best way to get your money is to fill out to reissue the bonds in electronic form. I expect it will take 3 or 4 weeks. Even though you only have your Social Security number and amounts as definite information, they should be able to find them since someone is getting a 1099-INT for the interest that has been building up and paying the taxes on it each year.

One thing I would recommend, is that you do NOT tell anyone (especially girlfriend or dad) that you got the bonds reissued. If anyone asks how you are able to afford to move out, or pay for college, just tell them you are working, had some money saved up, or took out a student loan.

He will have them in his bag when we go to the bank together. I spoke to my local police precinct and they told me that if he has them on his person and refuses to give them to me, I should call them. I will double check with the police department just to make sure.

As for the rest of your advice, I very much appreciate you taking the time to look that up for me. This will actually be a big help to me. If my dad refuses to hand over the bonds, I can show him the website you gave me and tell him that I'm just going to get them reissued anyway. I will definitely check out that website and call the treasury department (or whatever govt agency issues the bonds) just to make sure. Thank you.

Quote: (01-03-2017 02:26 PM)Repo Wrote:  

What is your reasoning for not withdrawing all of them and paying back the money you owe on the spot?

The issue with me getting a hold of the bonds, and me owing my dad money, are two separate issues. In fact, I don't legally owe him any money. I am going to pay him out of a sense of honor, I wouldn't rob my own dad, but technically I don't have to.

What is preventing me from withdrawing all the bonds? The fact that they are locked up in his safety deposit box, for which only he has the key.

The fact that I owe him 18 G's is only relevant because he is planning to take 18 bonds (worth $1000 each) out of his safety deposit box for me to sign them over to him. This process involves me physically signing the bonds, which means I can simply take them and leave if I want.

What I am debating is whether or not to wait until he hands them to me to sign. If he hands them over to me, I can just leave, but my dad will probably cause a scene inside the bank, which I want to avoid. I could also confront him before we arrive at the bank (knowing he has the bonds on his person), which would avoid making a scene at the bank, but I would risk him refusing to hand them over, in which case I would have to get the police involved.

I guess I didn't explain that clearly in my original post. My bad.

Quote: (01-03-2017 03:01 PM)EvanWilson Wrote:  

Followup on 'girlfriend'

I reread some of the thread and see that it is your wife that you are going to live with, not just some random girlfriend.

1: Does you father know you are married to her? If yes, does he approve?
Even under the most worst situation, I can not imagine why a father would not want his son's wife to be with him and part of the family. (unless there is something really wrong with her, like a drinking or drug problem)

Yes, he knows. And no, there's nothing seriously wrong with her (other than a medical condition, which is obviously out of her control).

He approves, but honestly, even if he didn't approve, I wouldn't really give a fuck. As a matter of fact, when I moved back to the US after I began dating her, my dad would tell me to "not take her seriously" at such a young age, and that I should consider dumping her because of her medical condition. He has said things to me (in the past) like "you're so young, you'll find another girl." If I dare bring up the fact that virginity is important to me, and that I don't want some American slut for a wife, he gets all mad and says he can't talk to me if that's how I think.

So yeah, I don't really take advice from him on girls and romance.

Quote: (01-03-2017 03:01 PM)EvanWilson Wrote:  

2: Who signed the support affidavit that is allowing her to immigrate to the US?
I assume we are talking about a K-1 or K-3 Visa?
The support form would be I-129F.

The affidavit of support was the I-864, and yes, my dad did fill it out. The attorney I consulted with assured me that my would not be liable for any money if anything were to go wrong.

At this point, I'm pretty sure it's too late for him to retract his affidavit. I already sent it in over a month ago and it's being processed. Even if he were to threaten to retract the affidavit (due to me taking the bonds), I would simply tell him that I'm not going to pay him his 18k if he does anything like that.

If he did something like that, I would simply sue him for the whole 35k, get a job, and then fill out the affidavit of support myself. But it's not even going to come to that.

Trust me, my dad cares about his money. He's not going to lose 18k just to prove a point.

Quote: (01-03-2017 10:42 PM)SamuelBRoberts Wrote:  

This is an object lesson in why you should never lend people money. It just makes them hate you.

Dude's dad lent him 18 fucking grand, which is half a year's wages for most of the country, and he still hates the guy.

I wish my dad had lent me eighteen grand when I needed it. Or maybe not, since then maybe I would've started hating him.

Something tells me that you, and most of the men on this forum, wouldn't.

Upon further reading the facts and extra posts my original opinion on this matter is not ideal. Defer to the forum membership on this one, my advice is bad!

Quote: (01-03-2017 07:45 PM)SamuelBRoberts Wrote:  

So you're a druggie who's 18k in debt with no degree?

No wonder he doesn't want to entrust you with large sums of money. Asshole or not, you should probably just let him hang on it until you get your shit together, 'cause otherwise you're just gonna blow it.

Why are you assuming stuff about me? Did I say I was a druggie?

I have no problem discussing my life and issues I've had, and I openly stated I have not been the most responsible dude over the last few years, but I don't appreciate assumptions being made about me and posted publicly like that.

Quote: (01-03-2017 07:53 PM)Comte De St. Germain Wrote:  

I'm not even you, but I wouldn't even trust myself if I magicked into 17k. That money should be used as a long term investment. If I was you, I'd get a job and move in with 3 or 4 guys you know and are close to. Split rent on a house in the suburbs and live easy without burdening your dad any further.

A large lump sum of money like that is much more useful down the line than it is right now. I know and you know you'll blow through all of that in a heartbeat.

I said multiple times that I intend to use the money to pay for school and pay my monthly car payments. As far as living expenses, I plan to work full time. I have previously moved away from home and worked full time, and managed to support myself AND pay for my car, so I know I'm capable of it.

The rest of the money will stay in the bank as a backup, in case shit goes wrong. That way I won't have to beg my dad for money if my car breaks down, or if I have to find a new job or something.

Quote: (01-03-2017 08:04 PM)chakalaka Wrote:  

How the fuck will you pay tuition and a house, electricity, water, internet food with 17k? HOW? Stop lying yourself and the forum members. It´s bullshit. You want the money to get high. And your father is keeping you away from it and you miss the thrill. Is this it? You were probably sent to the US because of your addiction. And your mother couldn´t handle you so she sent you to your father. Am I right? Saw a lot of guys like you sniffing coke in the parking lot of my college. Be a man for fuck sake. Drugs is what the world wants you to do. It´s the world telling you your weak and I will abuse you. Now the world wants you to break your fathers heart. Tell the world to FUCK OFF. Hãn FUCK YOU WORLD.

No drugs, no cigarettes, no alcohol (DJT).

As I said, I don't appreciate you assuming I am a druggie who just wants to get high. I have been very open about my own personal failings, and I have not tried to hide anything, so there's no reason you can't just PM me or ask me about myself before assuming something about me.

This is not just some crazy plan I came up with over night. I have been asking my dad for that money for years. Even when I was living on my own and supporting myself, I asked my dad for the money (just as a back-up to have in the bank) and he said no.

I have been thinking about this and talking it over with friends and family for months. I have been trying to look for a reason not to do it, but I really don't have any other options (aside from staying under my dad's roof, which I don't want to do).

I guarantee you didn't see anyone "like me" sniffing coke in the parking lot of your college.

Quote: (01-03-2017 09:02 PM)Onto Wrote:  

Quote: (01-03-2017 02:07 PM)Rob Banks Wrote:  

As for the relationship with my dad, it is already ruined whether I go through with this or not. It has been for years, and it is something I just have to accept. In fact, if I take the money and use it responsibly, that will get my dad to respect me more, which will be better for our relationship than if I keep living at home with him. In fact, when I moved out 3 years ago and supported myself for a while, I got along with him better than ever before.

You're trying to rationalize why it's ok to steal money from someone. That $18,000 is your Father's money, not yours.

You said in your first post that you take the bonds, walk out, and leave the other $17,000 behind. First, that's shorting him $1,000. Secondly, he can't do shit with those bonds remaining in the safety deposit box and you know that.

You should want to pay him back because it's the right thing to do. A man of good character pays his debts, know matter who it's owed to. You should pay him back because it will be good for your spirit.

As others have said, you should try to work out a deal with him to give you the remaining $17,000 bonds after you give him the $18,000. You could do it one at at a time (you sign away, he give you one) since there seems to be a lack of trust.

Though I can't understand why you don't trust him. He lent you $18,000 of his own money and has protected you from yourself financially (though not well enough).

Quote: (01-03-2017 08:26 AM)Rob Banks Wrote:  

Quote: (01-03-2017 07:39 AM)chakalaka Wrote:  

I have two sons. If one of them pulled up something like this. Some serious beating would happen.

I wish I had a dad like you. Seriously, I do.

An prime example of how spoiled (undisciplined) children end up resenting and even hating their parents when they become adults.

Steal? I am not stealing any money. You're right, I shouldn't short him $1000, and I won't. I'll give him his $1000. I intend to repay the entire debt, as I've said numerous times.

I would be happy to draw up an official contract with him stating that I owe him the remaining $17,000. That way, he can get his money. I have no intention of stealing a penny from him.

As for what you said about "spoiled/undisciplined" children hating their parents, you're absolutely right. My parents did not do a whole lot to discipline me, and it fucked me over bigtime.

My girl, on the other hand, has very conservative, strict parents who taught her discipline from a very young age, and she absolutely loves and adores her parents. I respect her parents as well, and I tell her all the time that I wish I had parents like hers.

There's no contradiction. If a parents "spoils" or fails to discipline their child, that is a bad thing. That is not something the child should be grateful for. It makes perfect sense for me to resent my parents for that.

Quote: (01-03-2017 09:36 PM)zoom Wrote:  

18K probably isn't going to last you as long as you think it will.

You're absolutely right, it won't. That's why I intend to work full-time and only use the 18k to pay for school and my car.

I do not plan to just fuck around and use the 18k to live off of. Obviously, that would be a retarded thing to do.

Quote: (01-03-2017 10:54 PM)eljeffster Wrote:  

Before you decide on an answer. Make sure to ask the right questions.

You assume that the bonds belong to you because your name is on them. I know you consulted an attorney, but did the attorney discuss or tell you that according to the law your name on the bonds means they are definitely yours without any restrictions? I ask because it seems if your grandmother intended them to be used for certain things, she may have directed they be held in trust with your father as the trustee.

Unless you already clarified this question with the attorney, I would make sure I knew the legal answer to this question before taking any rash or "self-help" action.

I have cashed bonds before. When I went to college in the past, my dad paid out of pocket and then expected me to sign over the bonds to him later on. The bank has never given me any trouble with cashing them and/or depositing them.

Quote: (01-03-2017 11:40 PM)Repo Wrote:  

The avoidance of all responsibility and litany of excuses gave him away. Not to mention he couldn't even make his own side of the story sound favorable to him. Normal people don't scheme ways to cheat family members out of large sums of money. Because of all of these factors, I assumed hard drug use, this type of victim mentality and manipulative behavior is common among them. Arguing that no one likes his dad as a reason to not pay him back is about as low as it gets. Who does this? Quick search, boom, I was right. Its sad, many people I grew up with were drug users and this is how they all are/were/became. Blameless and entitled. The shit fucks with who you are as a person, and can permanently change you, usually not for the better. I hope you get your life together and seek real help, because it sounds like you don't have anyone.

What are you talking about? Are you just skimming through my posts quickly, without reading through them thoroughly?

If you actually read my posts, You would see that I clearly stated multiple times that I intend to pay back the entire sum of money that I owe him.

I owe him $18,000. The total amount is $35,000. That leaves $17,000 for me.

You're assuming so much about me. I'm guessing that all this "drug user" business is because of what I posted in the "drug policy" thread. Yes, I knew people back in high school who did drugs. Yes, I made some bad decisions back then. That doesn't mean that I'm some junkie who is scheming for money to get high.

I have stated many times that I am bringing my girl here to live with me, and I would like to be financially independent from my dad, and not live under his roof. I also need to pay for school. I can provide proof of these things if you don't believe me.

Why is everybody acting like I am trying to hide things about myself and/or lie about what I need the money for?

I feel like I've been pretty open so far about my own shortcomings. There is no need for all these assumptions. If you want to know something about me, just ask.

PS: I am really trying to avoid having to post about all the shit my dad has done over the years. If you guys knew what type of dude he was, you wouldn't be calling me an asshole. There is a reason why my friends, family, and my girl are all telling me "take the money and get the fuck out of your dad's house," while everyone on here is telling me I'm an asshole who needs to have more respect for his father. The reason is that my friends and family are all very familiar with the type of person my father is, where as you guys have never met him.

I actually posted a long, detailed post (in this thread) about all the shit my dad has done over the years, and then I decided to delete it because I didn't feel right whining about my dad and painting myself as the victim. If I continue to get people telling me to "shut up and respect your father," I will have to post it back up.

Quote: (01-03-2017 06:32 PM)Repo Wrote:  

Quote: (01-03-2017 09:32 AM)Repo Wrote:  

Serious question, are you a drug addict? Because that is my first thought reading this. You owe him $18k, pay your debts like a man. Using saved money to move out when you don't have a source of income is a terrible, terrible idea, no wonder he is so worried about you.

Quote: (01-03-2017 06:18 AM)Rob Banks Wrote:  

I have messed around with so-called "hard" drugs in the past. Not the smartest decision, by any means.

I see my question was answered in another thread actually. Unfortunately your line of thinking was way too familiar.

Just because I messed around with something in the past doesn't mean I'm a junkie.

I was just trying to prove a point that not everyone who has ever messed with hard drugs should be in jail. I bet there are other members on this forum who have, at one point or another, messed with drugs, and never became addicts or anything of the sort.

Jesus Christ, I feel like I have to watch what I say and not reveal too much about myself. If I reveal something about myself (such as the fact that I tried drugs in the past), people will assume all sorts of things about me (such as being an irresponsible junkie today).

I say what I mean. I'm not like a girl who says she's only been with 3 guys when really she's been with 10. I think I should be able to openly discuss my shortcomings without people assuming I'm actually a whole lot worse than how I describe myself.

Quote: (01-04-2017 12:33 AM)Serious Sam Wrote:  

I'm looking forward to hearing back about how things went. Hopefully the bridge doesn't get scorched to the ground.

It already is pretty much scorched to the ground. Do you think my dad wants me living with him? Do you think he is happy to see me every day? Hell, no. He makes comments to me all the time to the effect of "you're 25 and you're still living at home, that's not good."

Do I really want to listen to him say that shit to me all the time in front of my girl (when she moves here)? Of course not.

The only reason I moved back home in the first place was to go to school. Now that I have an opportunity to move out and pay for school myself, I'm going to take it.

I really could care less about "burning the bridge" with my dad. I could care less about what he thinks or feels about me, so the only reason I would want to preserve the relationship would be to receive financial support from him. I have come to the conclusion that I don't need his money. I will take my 17k and go off by myself. If I am ever in a position in the future where I need help, my mother owns two apartments in the US, and I can always live there if I want.

Like I said before, when I was living on my own and working, I actually got along with my dad better than ever (I wouldn't say we got along well, but certainly better than now). I don't think it is a bad thing for me to want to move the fuck out at 25, especially when I have a girl moving in.

Regardless of my past irresponsibility, I have to prove I can be responsible now. Yes, I've been irresponsible in the past, but that doesn't mean I'm going to live under my dad's roof forever. I see this as a challenge. I need to hold a job, do well in school, etc. I think that not having my dad to bail me out anymore will be good for me, and will help motivate me to do well.

By the way, I have no problem with people giving me harsh advice and calling me on my bullshit.

What I do have a problem with is people only reading part of my original post (those who are claiming I am "stealing" from my dad even though I repeatedly explained how that is not the case), and people making assumptions about me (those who are calling me a drug addict).

Aside from that, I very much appreciate the advice, including the harsh advice.

I think you should pay 18k to your dad like you intended to. That is fair. Apart from this I am very surprised how most people here didn't read your posts completely and that caused confusion regarding your intentions. I don't even know how you suddenly became "druggie" or irresponsible because you spent 18k (is it?) on Eurotrip. People obviously forget that Europe is expensive place.

I perfectly understand relationship with your father, my friend has a almost identical one. But pay him 18k and take your 17k and possibly even use small amount to invest.

The problem with this is I don't know the OP's life nor have any connection to it.

More about Rob Banks life came to the forefront and now my opnion completely changed. I'm grateful others have willingly pulled on the frayed strings of this story to reveal the other very important details.

Quote: (01-04-2017 02:56 AM)Rob Banks Wrote:  

Quote: (01-03-2017 03:01 PM)EvanWilson Wrote:  

Followup on 'girlfriend'

I reread some of the thread and see that it is your wife that you are going to live with, not just some random girlfriend.

1: Does you father know you are married to her? If yes, does he approve?
Even under the most worst situation, I can not imagine why a father would not want his son's wife to be with him and part of the family. (unless there is something really wrong with her, like a drinking or drug problem)

Yes, he knows. And no, there's nothing seriously wrong with her (other than a medical condition, which is obviously out of her control).

He approves, but honestly, even if he didn't approve, I wouldn't really give a fuck. As a matter of fact, when I moved back to the US after I began dating her, my dad would tell me to "not take her seriously" at such a young age, and that I should consider dumping her because of her medical condition. He has said things to me (in the past) like "you're so young, you'll find another girl." If I dare bring up the fact that virginity is important to me, and that I don't want some American slut for a wife, he gets all mad and says he can't talk to me if that's how I think.

So yeah, I don't really take advice from him on girls and romance.

Quote: (01-03-2017 03:01 PM)EvanWilson Wrote:  

2: Who signed the support affidavit that is allowing her to immigrate to the US?
I assume we are talking about a K-1 or K-3 Visa?
The support form would be I-129F.

The affidavit of support was the I-864, and yes, my dad did fill it out. The attorney I consulted with assured me that my would not be liable for any money if anything were to go wrong.

At this point, I'm pretty sure it's too late for him to retract his affidavit. I already sent it in over a month ago and it's being processed. Even if he were to threaten to retract the affidavit (due to me taking the bonds), I would simply tell him that I'm not going to pay him his 18k if he does anything like that.

If he did something like that, I would simply sue him for the whole 35k, get a job, and then fill out the affidavit of support myself. But it's not even going to come to that.

Trust me, my dad cares about his money. He's not going to lose 18k just to prove a point.

1. This was great advice. Really great advice, in fact - one might even go as far as to call it 'Red pill'. The single best thing you could have done for your entire future would have been to take this advice. Instead you married some chick with what sounds like a chronic medical condition - that's very expensive pussy. The more you talk about this douchebag deadbeat the more he seems like exactly the kind of father many would be lucky to have.

Your prized virginity is likely to be the most expensive acquisition of your entire life. This forum may, on occasion 'save lives' with its game advice, but your post is a reeking caricature of some of the worst extremes that prevail here.

2. Despite your refusing to take his excellent advice, and the fact that in doing so you will likely impose additional costs on him, he is STILL supporting you, still trying to make the best of your bad decisions.

In all seriousness, have you considered the possibility that you may be gay? This kind of extreme diva-like behaviour and complete inability to really take responsibility for anything, despite paying empty lip service to your past transgressions, is a classic fag characteristic - indeed it's the only group amongst which I've actually seen this behaviour exhibited with sufficient frequency to reasonably attribute it.

Quote: (01-04-2017 05:47 AM)H1N1 Wrote:  

Quote: (01-04-2017 02:56 AM)Rob Banks Wrote:  

Yes, he knows. And no, there's nothing seriously wrong with her (other than a medical condition, which is obviously out of her control).

In all seriousness, have you considered the possibility that you may be gay?

The medical condition, is it that she has a penis?

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

Quote: (01-04-2017 05:47 AM)H1N1 Wrote:  

Quote: (01-04-2017 02:56 AM)Rob Banks Wrote:  

Quote: (01-03-2017 03:01 PM)EvanWilson Wrote:  

Followup on 'girlfriend'

I reread some of the thread and see that it is your wife that you are going to live with, not just some random girlfriend.

1: Does you father know you are married to her? If yes, does he approve?
Even under the most worst situation, I can not imagine why a father would not want his son's wife to be with him and part of the family. (unless there is something really wrong with her, like a drinking or drug problem)

Yes, he knows. And no, there's nothing seriously wrong with her (other than a medical condition, which is obviously out of her control).

He approves, but honestly, even if he didn't approve, I wouldn't really give a fuck. As a matter of fact, when I moved back to the US after I began dating her, my dad would tell me to "not take her seriously" at such a young age, and that I should consider dumping her because of her medical condition. He has said things to me (in the past) like "you're so young, you'll find another girl." If I dare bring up the fact that virginity is important to me, and that I don't want some American slut for a wife, he gets all mad and says he can't talk to me if that's how I think.

So yeah, I don't really take advice from him on girls and romance.

Quote: (01-03-2017 03:01 PM)EvanWilson Wrote:  

2: Who signed the support affidavit that is allowing her to immigrate to the US?
I assume we are talking about a K-1 or K-3 Visa?
The support form would be I-129F.

The affidavit of support was the I-864, and yes, my dad did fill it out. The attorney I consulted with assured me that my would not be liable for any money if anything were to go wrong.

At this point, I'm pretty sure it's too late for him to retract his affidavit. I already sent it in over a month ago and it's being processed. Even if he were to threaten to retract the affidavit (due to me taking the bonds), I would simply tell him that I'm not going to pay him his 18k if he does anything like that.

If he did something like that, I would simply sue him for the whole 35k, get a job, and then fill out the affidavit of support myself. But it's not even going to come to that.

Trust me, my dad cares about his money. He's not going to lose 18k just to prove a point.

1. This was great advice. Really great advice, in fact - one might even go as far as to call it 'Red pill'. The single best thing you could have done for your entire future would have been to take this advice. Instead you married some chick with what sounds like a chronic medical condition - that's very expensive pussy. The more you talk about this douchebag deadbeat the more he seems like exactly the kind of father many would be lucky to have.

Your prized virginity is likely to be the most expensive acquisition of your entire life. This forum may, on occasion 'save lives' with its game advice, but your post is a reeking caricature of some of the worst extremes that prevail here.

2. Despite your refusing to take his excellent advice, and the fact that in doing so you will likely impose additional costs on him, he is STILL supporting you, still trying to make the best of your bad decisions.

In all seriousness, have you considered the possibility that you may be gay? This kind of extreme diva-like behaviour and complete inability to really take responsibility for anything, despite paying empty lip service to your past transgressions, is a classic fag characteristic - indeed it's the only group amongst which I've actually seen this behaviour exhibited with sufficient frequency to reasonably attribute it.

Name one thing I have refused to take responsibility for.

The stuff I said about my girlfriend was because EvanWilson asked me about her. I had specifically stated that I preferred not to talk about her on this thread.

Keep acting like you know me, my girl, my family, etc., when you're clearly just making assumptions.

My girl had a kidney transplant 8 years ago. She has been fine ever since, and her insurance pays for her meds.

If you want to give me harsh advice, that's fine. But if you're just gonna call me names, insult me, and make assumptions about people you don't know, then I'd rather you didn't post at all.

Obviously, you can post whatever you want, but from now on, I'm just going to ignore posts that are just pure name-calling and assumptions without any facts to back it up.

I'm actually trying very hard to respond to everyone respectfully and not be sarcastic or get angry, but it's getting very difficult considering some of these responses I am getting.

If you don't have anything constructive to say, then I'd rather you didn't say anything at all (notice I said "constructive" and not "positive" or "nice." Harsh advice and constructive criticism are fine).

To everyone saying I am not taking responsibility for myself and/or my actions:

I am attempting to take my money, leave my dad's house, and become financially responsible for myself. I am willing to give up my dad's protection and financial help in order to take responsibility for my own life, and I am willing to suffer the consequences, without having my dad there to bail me out, if anything goes wrong.

Explain to me again, how am I refusing to take responsibility?

This forum leans a little bit hard on the HONOR THY FATHER ABOVE ELSE advice. While it's all fine and dandy as a first general step for consideration, further information about a situation also requires some more nuanced and thorough examination of what is happening.

OP sounds like he is in sort of a mentally rough situation: living with someone who is annoyed by you and seethes at your very presence is not a healthy environment to live in and grow as a responsible, human being. Considering that is his money and he already has a very unhealthy relationship with his father, he should just take action to take the money that is rightfully his, move out and try to do something with it. His father won't think he's responsible enough to get the money but so fucking what, he'll never think he's responsible enough until he actually goes out and proves him wrong (or right).

@Rob Banks just don't be a retard and spend those 17k on rent and living expanses, dear God don't be a retard and spend it that way. Get a job to cover your living expenses and keep that money for a rainy day / paying off school / investing later on.

I'm sure your father would be more than willing to cash in bonds to pay for college tuition fees. So why don't you just leave them for that? Seeing as that was the intention for their use in the first place.

The idea that you want to use them for your car, moving out etc is why people are saying you're irresponsible. If you want to do that then get a job first while living at home, start saving, and then move out. The way 99% of the world has to do it. And the way that shows responsibility and long term planning.

Because otherwise, when you:

A) have a history of hard drug use
B) still aren't finished college at 25
C) are unemployed

its very easy to see why someone who cares about you wouldn't want to risk giving you a large sum of cash.

Quote: (01-04-2017 07:33 AM)I DIDNT KILL MY WIFE Wrote:  

This forum leans a little bit hard on the HONOR THY FATHER ABOVE ELSE advice. While it's all fine and dandy as a first general step for consideration, further information about a situation also requires some more nuanced and thorough examination of what is happening.

OP sounds like he is in sort of a mentally rough situation: living with someone who is annoyed by you and seethes at your very presence is not a healthy environment to live in and grow as a responsible, human being. Considering that is his money and he already has a very unhealthy relationship with his father, he should just take action to take the money that is rightfully his, move out and try to do something with it. His father won't think he's responsible enough to get the money but so fucking what, he'll never think he's responsible enough until he actually goes out and proves him wrong (or right).

@Rob Banks just don't be a retard and spend those 17k on rent and living expanses, dear God don't be a retard and spend it that way. Get a job to cover your living expenses and keep that money for a rainy day / paying off school / investing later on.

Rob Banks is obviously framing the story in a way to support his views (as is only natural, everyone does this). But even still from this thread we've learnt his father lets him live in the family house at the well past average age of 25. His father loans him money for $18k trips to Europe. His father gives him good red pill advice on not getting married at a ridiculously young age. And in return for all of this Rob Banks tries to get the police and attorneys involved to prevent his father from keeping the bonds to be used for paying for Rob's education, as they were originally intended.

I don't think the forum is leaning too hard on the 'honor thy father' stuff. I think most people are just seeing the above and thinking the father sounds like a smart, morally upstanding, man in this. And that the son doesn't.

I'd love to hear the father's side of events, to be honest.

^agreed. The father isnt keeping the bonds for himself or he would have cashed them long ago. Red pill, OP.

When you are able to pay for that trip to Europe on your own is the best time to talk to your father about the rest of your bonds. When you take the bonds put that money to good use. There is a whole Lifestyle forum here full of good advice in that regard.

This thread is not going in the direction OP was hoping for.

Quote: (01-04-2017 07:15 AM)Rob Banks Wrote:  

I am attempting to take my money, leave my dad's house, and become financially responsible for myself.

Two weeks later...

Quote: (01-04-2017 07:37 AM)zatara Wrote:  

I'm sure your father would be more than willing to cash in bonds to pay for college tuition fees. So why don't you just leave them for that? Seeing as that was the intention for their use in the first place.

The idea that you want to use them for your car, moving out etc is why people are saying you're irresponsible. If you want to do that then get a job first while living at home, start saving, and then move out. The way 99% of the world has to do it. And the way that shows responsibility and long term planning.

I am currently living in NYC. Getting a $9/hour job (and having to use part of the money to pay for car), it would literally take me years to save up enough to move out.

I don't plan on going to school in NYC. I attended a community college in the area last semester and completed some required courses, but I want to major in one of the trades, such as auto mechanics or plumbing. To do that in NYC, you need to go to a special trade school which is quite expensive. In other parts of the country, those majors are offered at regular community colleges. Look it up if you don't believe me, I've done my research.

Additionally, living expenses in NYC are just too high for me at this point. It would be pointless to get a job in NYC, save up for a year or two, just to leave town and have to find a new job, when I can just get the 17k and leave town now.

Quote: (01-04-2017 07:37 AM)zatara Wrote:  

Because otherwise, when you:

A) have a history of hard drug use
B) still aren't finished college at 25
C) are unemployed

its very easy to see why someone who cares about you wouldn't want to risk giving you a large sum of cash.

Yes, and I totally see why he would think this way. My goal is to prove him wrong. Just because I've been irresponsible in the past doesn't mean I will continue to be in the future. If that were the case, then I might as well give up now and ask my parents to take care of me for the rest of my life.

By the way, I have moved away from home before and managed to work and support myself. It's not like I have never lived away from home before.

Quote: (01-04-2017 07:50 AM)zatara Wrote:  

Rob Banks is obviously framing the story in a way to support his views (as is only natural, everyone does this). But even still from this thread we've learnt his father lets him live in the family house at the well past average age of 25. His father loans him money for $18k trips to Europe. His father gives him good red pill advice on not getting married at a ridiculously young age. And in return for all of this Rob Banks tries to get the police and attorneys involved to prevent his father from keeping the bonds to be used for paying for Rob's education, as they were originally intended.

I don't think the forum is leaning too hard on the 'honor thy father' stuff. I think most people are just seeing the above and thinking the father sounds like a smart, morally upstanding, man in this. And that the son doesn't.

I'd love to hear the father's side of events, to be honest.

I'm actually trying to be as fair as possible to his side of the story. To be honest, I have only listed my faults and shortcomings, and not his, because I don't want to come off as whining and complaining.

I have not even told my side of the story (i.e. all the reasons why I feel this way towards my dad).

My dad's side of the story would be that I have a history of being irresponsible and that he just doesn't think I am capable of taking care of myself.

My side of the story is that, regardless of my history, I am 25 and am trying to build a life for myself, and I don't have a lot of time to fuck around. Also, if I really wanted to make my dad look bad, I would list all of his issues and shortcomings. However, I really don't want to do that, because if I do, everyone will start saying I'm "whining and complaining" and "portraying myself as a victim."

God damn it, I feel like this is a catch-22. If I talk about all the shit my dad has done over the years, then I'm a "whiner" and a "complainer," but if I don't, then you guys will think my dad is a "stand-up guy" and that I am hating on him for no reason.

To be honest, I feel like some of the people here (not all, but some) would side with my dad no matter what. If I were to say "my dad beats me with a belt every day for no reason at all," the response would be "well if he feels the need to beat you every day, then you're obviously a terrible son."

I will repeat what I said earlier: There is a reason why my girl and most of my friends and family are telling me to take the money and get the fuck out of my dad's house, while everyone here on the forum is telling me I'm an ungrateful asshole who needs to respect his father. The reason is because my friends and family actually know my father, whereas you guys have never met him.

PS: I actually agree with all the "honor thy father" attitudes. I think it is healthy for society. Unfortunately, it is just not possible for me at this point. Not everybody has a father worth honoring. Just because my dad helps me out financially does not mean he is a "stand-up guy" and worthy of tremendous respect. If you guys knew him personally, you would not be saying this.

I am seriously debating whether or not to write out a long post detailing all the bullshit he has done over the years. What do you guys think?

Its sad I don't even think you realize how you are contradicting yourself all over the place. Clearly you aren't going to listen to anyone here, so good luck.