Quote: (10-27-2016 08:26 AM)Hazaer Wrote:
Quote: (10-26-2016 09:18 AM)Cobra Wrote:
I think the obvious gap I see in some of the posts in this thread is "Inner Game." WIA touched on it in the earlier pages by noting it as "mindset."
It's easy to do as many approaches as possible, get the mechanics of the approach as good as possible and even get as many numbers as possible.
However, the issue comes down to your value, your time and your goals. An obsession with game and girls can wear down other parts of your value. For example, if you are not especially successful and not happy with that, why focus on women so much? If you have a hard time socially, even with men, why focus only on girls and approaches? My point is, why take focus away from important parts of your life that add value to YOU? For notches or bangs?
The most successful gamers I know are also the most successful they possibly can be outside of game. They are able to brush it off and move to the next thing in their life flawlessly. Why? Because rejection doesn't matter to them. It's just another stel towards a goal.
The reason that these men are successful is because of their inner game, not their number of approaches or notch count. They are good at "brushing it off." That's why they're good.
How you handle a rejection or "attitude" makes your game good. It's not the approaches or notch count that accomplishes this, because these things are easier to control than your attitude towards them.
My own experience in sales briefly (so you know this comes from a genuine place): I came from Finance and Accounting (10 years). I have been doing sales for 2 years. At this point, I'm one of the top sales people in the company. Reason: I was rejected more times than the guys that didn't put themselves in the place to get rejected AND I learned from each of them AND moved on without obsessing and blaming myself for them. I can write more about this experience if anyone is interested.
What do you think inner game and how can it be achieved in your opinion?
I can give you my opinion but it has to do with my own experience. I'm an Indian guy who immigrated from India fresh off the boat to the USA when I was 12 and had to toil hard to assimilate and still keep my identity. I still struggle to a certain extent but recognize the gaps better than I ever did. I have gotten positive reactions from women of all races albeit more in some categories than others. Your experience may be different.
That said, first thing you need before you achieve or start something to achieve it is: a goal. So what is your goal? Do you want to a well dressed guy? Do you want to make a lot of money? Do you want to be more spontaneous in conversations, funny and articulate? Do you want to have a good physique? Do you want healthy relationships with friends (other men)? What do you want from all of these? Each of them are very important but you can make up by having more in any other category. That to me is inner game.
You HAVE to be able to not only answer this but also know where you are at versus where you want to be. The other challenge is knowing yourself. The easy part is that every single thing I mentioned above is
controllable. YET, guys that fail on any of these components are the ones that focus on the
uncontrollable. What I mean by this is: height, race, accent (to some extent). You can easily take yourself out of the loser category by avoiding the uncontrollable. It won’t change but most genuine people don’t care, especially men. Women are a different story, but you should stop giving a fuck about the ones that care about the things you can’t control, because it’s impossibly unfair.
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Can a guy who is very independent and have little friends despite having a lot of acquaintances still have good frame and game? Sometimes a lack of friends could mean no common interests, age gaps and even intellectual gaps.
I don’t know man. This is dicey. I question guys that don’t have friends. Healthy relationships with other men are absolutely necessary in my opinion. What I mean is that you need someone to bust your balls and tell you when you fuck up. You need someone to laugh at you when you fuck up. You could also use someone to tell you to get back up and fight when you fall down (and fuck up). If you don’t get this from your “acquaintances,” why are you wasting your time?
I have friends who I have HUGE common interest, age and intellectual gaps with. Lot of them are on the forum. It’s your ability to relate to people in general that’s in question. You don’t get a pass for not building relationships with those you have nothing in common with. To me, it just doesn’t work. I mean, I’m an Indian guy that is friends with white, black, Asian and other Indian people. I have an intellectual gap with lot of them, whether over or under. I don’t make excuses to not meet people because of superficial bullshit like “intellectual gaps.” You shouldn’t either.
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On rejection, lets take two scenarios and see how you can react without looking butt hurt.
1. Good rapport formed. You ask her out and she rejects. How would your future interaction with her be? Treat her like you treat others. Nothing more or less.
2. No rapport formed at all. She is dismissive of you. How would your future interaction be? Be dismissive of her another words ignore her.
I answered your questions above in bold red. Welcome to life. Rejection is unfair but not in how you handle it. I’ve been butt hurt enough times to know it stings. You need to learn how to move on. People that reject you will not magically add value to your life the next day. So leave them and move on to find those that add value to you and you can add value to. If you don’t do this, you will automatically dwell on the previous rejections and mind fuck yourself into self-pity.
I know this is a lot it may have sounded abrasive. However, I have the best of intentions with any of this and don’t mean to come across as attacking you, because I’m not.