Quote: (05-20-2019 10:12 PM)RDF Wrote:
Logistics is supremely important, not just for the [much] higher probability of getting bangs, but also in regard to target selection.
You say that if you only met up with girls that you felt good about, you would meet with 1:100 online matches. If that is really the case, the issue is one of the following or a combination of the two.
(1) Absolutely and utterly terrible location (for reference, I've lived in San Francisco and I was definitely attracted to more than 1:100 girls).
(2) Extremely high standards, aka pointy elbows syndrome
If the issue is purely (1), then the ONLY solutions are to either move or to travel a ton. Otherwise, you will just be slugging it out over a multi-year period unless you get really lucky and find a diamond in the rough.
However, I think that at least partially, the issue is also (2). You seem to have a very high opinion of yourself and thus high standards for any potential girl, whether to bang or to date. This becomes pretty clear through the multiple mentions of "SMV" (and other synonyms) in reference to yourself as well as women. For many guys having high standards is a positive thing, but when you mentally disqualify any girl that doesn't exactly fit your criteria for how the "mating dance is supposed to feel", you're taking it too far.
You can work on rethinking the notions you have about women and dating. Contrary to how it may feel on the forum sometimes, most chicks are actually pretty cool and have positive things to offer you at least for a brief period. When I go on a date, I focus on the positives and make the most of the interaction. I'm not telling you to go out with any 5 that is interested, but you should be willing to go out with girls that you don't immediately perceive as "relationship material".
One more thing that is easy to forget when dating - plenty of women can be shy naturally. A few years ago I went on a date with a really cute girl who wouldn't reciprocate any of my advances and it all felt like a dead end. I coaxed her into my spot after the bar as a complete hail mary (she had parked her car at my place so I had nothing to lose). Once inside, it barely took 10 mins for us to get in bed, after which her personality completely opened up, and we dated for over a year. Never would've happened had I not made the move despite it not feeling particularly natural at the time.
If you carry the belief that the vast majority of US women are toxic/entitled/etc, it will impact your dating life. And in the small chance that in your area, truly all of the accessible women are terrible prospects, well then you know what you have to do.
When I say I only feel good about ~1% of my online matches, that does NOT mean I'm only attracted to 1% of online girls. We're only talking about matches- girls I've already "liked" or whatever because I thought they looked decent on a first pass through their pics (and they reciprocated). I'm physically attracted to roughly a quarter of the girls I come across on these things.
The 1:100 figure is mostly due to the appalling lack of conversational effort on the girls' part (if they reply at all). Yeah there are matches who, upon further scrutiny of their photos, don't seem so attractive anymore, but they're in the minority. The meat of the problem is that on one app (Hinge), I get lots of matches, nearly all of which don't actually seem legitimately interested, and on every other app, matches are few and far between. The scarcity of promising leads causes me to go on dates with some not-so-promising ones, which invariably turn out shitty.
It's hard to know if my standards are actually high. Most guys say one thing and do another. In discussions about what girls are hot, nearly every guy displays serious pointy elbow syndrome, and I tend to be by far the most forgiving. Here's a perfect example of that from the forum. But then when it comes to who they choose in real life, those same guys date girls I wouldn't touch with a long pole. The vast majority of my buddies I grew up with are now settled down with a girl who's chubby if not outright fat. I see it on here too, guys bragging about the "hot 38 year old" they're banging (most glaring oxymoron ever spoken), or some girl with "huge tits" (99.99999999% of the time a euphemism for fat in my experience). So yeah, I'm not touching anyone in her 30's or anyone even a little fat, but when it comes to women who are young and fit, I'm pretty reasonable.
The more I read on the forum, the more I start to lean toward my location being exceptionally bad. A couple posts down from the one I just linked, corsega (whom I had shown my dating profile photos) replied that I'd be getting 20+ matches a week with girls of that caliber (which I found hot) if I were in San Fran (yes, that San Fran). That's just one man's opinion of course, but if he's even remotely correct, then my location is worse than SF by orders of magnitude, because I don't get anywhere near 20 matches/week, and I'm typically shooting a couple notches below the girls pictured in that thread. I'm not sure what to believe though. That really doesn't seem intuitive, but who knows.
