OP, I'd like to say I understand your perspective and question very well. I also see and understand the derision and 'one-size-fits-all' that makes other posters criticize or demean what you're asking about.
This is a key part of what you stated then asked:
Quote:Quote:
The desire to keep meeting new women, to keep putting energy into dating - where that energy ought to be better spent - and to keep having sex with random women has lost its appeal.
Anyone else reached this point where the MGTOW lifestyle looks far better than the 'player' lifestyle?
I used to look at MGTOW guys and think they're losers (some of them are legit incels or bitter divorced dudes) but the lifestyle actually looks better right now than my womanizing past.
I'll comment on your last line first, because it could have gone first - there are definitely men (and probably more today than ever before thanks to widespread Marxism through Western institutions) who can't get a woman they want to date interested in them. Those 'loser men' (the incels and broke, bitter divorced dudes) would be considered by in the bottom rungs of social or economic or looks (LMS&G = looks, money, status, & game). These are the groups the 'PUA' community would tell to hit the gym, work on your game, etc. etc. There are some 'loser men' who definitely can make improvements in their life and SHOULD for the sake of their self-esteem and stave off suicidal or self-destructive behaviors. Sadly, many 'loser men' don't and we get Elliot Rodgers, the Canadian cat man, the rampant number of men killing themselves over lost children, being incarcerated for late alimony/child support payments, etc.
So we can see that it's unfair to group all 'loser men' together, as you can see. Why? Because men who have been ass-raped by the Marxist/feminist/gynocentric family court and legal system were largely not incels or basement-dwellers. The divorced guys were probably 'betas' and the incels are 'omegas' or 'gammas.' The divorced men who had their lives ripped apart were regular men who just wanted to make a good life for themselves and to have a stable family. Feminism has made that all but impossible to count on in most of the West. The 'pimp hand' is only as good as the woman's restraint in NOT calling the big bag men in blue to come take you away for 'emotional abuse' then her initiating divorce proceedings while bleeding your bank accounts dry and running up the credit cards to the max. This is reality for some number of men who end up coming to realize that 'going their own way' is the only answer.
I would say that this forum is correct to criticize the 'incel' components of 'loser men' for not being the best version of themselves as they can. However, as some commenters have pointed out, once you realize that the system in the Western is SO anti-male and anti-masculinity, where are the real incentives, BEYOND GETTING POOSY, to better yourself to attract women? What is all that self-improvement going to get you? Maybe a few minutes of sticky friction and then ... ? Who knows.
Maybe she'll text you back, maybe she won't. Maybe she'll claim regret rape, maybe she won't. Maybe you'll get an STD even though she said 'I'm fine, I get tested regularly,' maybe you won't. Maybe she'll save your sperm and inseminate herself, maybe she won't. Shall I go on..? I don't have to with you, as you've already considered much of this.
I've found a gleeful ignorance among at least some of my RVF brothers at the depth of insanity that America has fallen in terms of men's rights, and EQUAL PROTECTION. Men do not have equal protection under the law. We are de facto slaves to a woman's whim. Roosh has experienced this at least via journalists and then us having our proposed meetup shut down since we're 'promoting rape.' Where's the equal protection? The protection of our 1st amendment right to assemble? Nope, the wahmens are scurred so we big bad PUA men who love to rape women can't be allowed to meet. It's insane.
Perhaps things are *slightly* better with Trump in office - I do feel more politeness in some ways, although a red state with more conservative values is going to be a better crucible to create a masculine lifestyle and avoid incel-dom or black pill living. But any man who isn't aware that each bad date, each 'bang gone wrong' holds the potential of life-changing consequences.
As we mature into our 30s, the big head does take over the little head and we can REASON better, understand consequences better. Our eyes are more opened. This is where you are.
Labels tend to be very divisive, be it players, loser, red pill, blue pill, omega, sigma, beta, alpha, MGTOW, PUA, incel, etc. Life doesn't fit neatly into any box - Nature always resists efforts to be constrained, as do individual humans (at least non-NPC humans!). See? I used a label that's very divisive although communicates a level of meaning. Perhaps NPC is better-understood by this forum that the depth of what MGTOW can actually mean.
I understand many of the concerns that a 'PUA' or 'player' would have would about not optimizing your LMS&G. These are valid criticisms. But even being in the top of your game in all areas doesn't insulate you from various risks, some of which I outlined above. A MAN understands risks and decides whether or not to accept them in pursuit of some aim. An ANIMAL bases their decisions on emotions and passion, incapable of reasoning or future-thinking. The part of our physiology that is animalistic wants us to bang every hot woman we see, and most of her more-average looking brethren if possible. The higher part of us has dreams, aspirations, goals, vision for what we want to and can create in the world. This is the masculine aspect wanting to give birth from our own fullness of purpose, knowledge, and curiosity.
In my mid-30s I certainly found my motivation to chase women for the sake of it falling. It wasn't about my 'T levels' but about having more life perspective. It's funny that the comment 'get your T levels checked' comes up when a man questions the value of chasing poosy for its own sake! Really guys? Is this as far as we've fallen? I have a healthy libido, having revised my diet, exercise, and lifestyle, but I don't pursue women with as much steadfastness as I did years ago. I'm also in a very blue region in a blue state and have found it extremely difficult to cultivate any depth in relationships, be they male for friendship or female for dating. I am partly biding my time to leave for more conservative pastures although I still know the ruin that Facebook, Tinder, and Instagram have wrought on the 20-something women I'm interested in dating.
Fortunately, I have other things that get me up in the morning and make me passionate to imagine and create. I'll say that having a clarity of purpose WILL make you focus on yourself and engage in self-improvement.
A book I found extremely helpful was 'Is Your Genius At Work?' by Dick Richards. I highly recommend you work through it (it's a workbook) and feel free to let me know what you think about it. The book helped me understand the unifying values that brought my very different interests together. I felt like a whole person and could also identify what I wanted to do in the world. Before those were vague ideas - of how to 'make my energy better spent' as you put it - and now it's crystal-clear for me. In the process of that self-discovery I necessarily had to unplug from chasing women, and even had to turn down requests for my time more often than not.
Labels can be divisive, but the spirit of what MGTOW means is something that every man can identify with: a masculine man, going his own way. Not being a slave to your animalistic desires, nor giving into to fears of women / society / work / the world, but understanding himself, the risks and benefits of any activity, and making informed decisions of how he wants to proceed. That also includes the vitally important ability to STOP and examine what seem like 'normal' or 'expected' activities or behaviors and find out the MEANING those activities and behaviors have for him. It's taking sovereignty over yourself, the essence of what the ancient philosophers taught and what I take 'neo-masculinity' to mean.
If you need to take a break from women to find your purpose, then that's healthy and we all need to applaud that. You may find once you have clarified who you are, what you want to make from your inner fullness and vision, that you will become a deeper, more well-rounded man. I pray you don't give in to black pill or nihilistic thinking as that is a horrible trap and what the evil Marxist social engineers want. I also recommend that you find out what God means for you - Divinity, the Universal, the One-in-All, however you want to describe it.
In my journey's away from convention, a 'blue pill, beta male' life, and through my initial exploration of red pill thinking/living (both outer-focused and more inner-focused), the connection I cultivated with my own soul became the most important relationship of all. As men, we have a unique capacity for love and devotion, for seeing beauty in all things. Women can be objects of beauty, but Nature is Beauty herself. The creations of Nature, the impulse for creation, is something that the masculine can only express through our words and works. I find so much satisfaction and joy in pursuing my interests, in challenging my physical, mental, spiritual limits that I feel myself growing in depth and happiness. With all this said, I am not 'withdrawing from human activity' (that's an overstatement and understanding of a natural impulse to 'go one's own way'). It is essential to find your own rhythm of time alone and time in the world. I know you will, and I'm glad you posted your question.
You may find this set of letters, from poet Maria Reiner Rilke to a younger man seeking his place in life, of value. I love posting it, because they sing with the joy and depth of a man truly going his own way, who understands women and the world and work in a way few modern people do, or can describe as richly. The 4th letter (linked directly) is the richest of them all, in my opinion:
Letters to a Young Poet, #4
EDIT: From a spiritual perspective, I feel that the current crisis in the West (and much of the world regarding Marxism/feminism/the lack of tying rights with responsibilities) gives every man motivation to go into himself and explore who he really is. This process of self-exploration is a vital part of full self-actualization. I feel that as truly masculine men, instead of denigrating or condemning, especially when stated with balance as the OP has and asking an honest question, we need to support the full actualization of the person. Balance, harmony, exploring each extreme to find for ourselves where our still, center point lies.