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Roast This: Match Stories - Courtney
04-06-2018, 10:31 PM
Damn where to start, Flight attendant, likes to travel, single for a long time and likes nice guys, What could possibly go wrong.
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Roast This: Match Stories - Courtney
04-06-2018, 11:05 PM
I'm sorry, but due to our overbooking policies we regret to inform you that there is currently no space left in this cunt and we have had to shift your booking to a later time. But we at Courtney's Cunt value your continued business and would like to offer you an upgrade to ass-to-mouth ejaculation in consideration for any inconvenience you may have suffered.
The public will judge a man by what he lifts, but those close to him will judge him by what he carries.
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Roast This: Match Stories - Courtney
04-06-2018, 11:13 PM
Come find me, at my apartment, in lingerie with a vacuum cleaner, mop etc. If you clean my apartment properly you can throat the dick and dip.
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Roast This: Match Stories - Courtney
04-06-2018, 11:31 PM
"Come findddd meeeeeee"
Not only was that the most annoying sound I've ever heard, but it sounds really desperate and pathetic. Listening to her speak for longer than 30 seconds would give me cancer. WB with earplugs or a sock in her mouth. The sock can only be removed for my cock.
This broad is probably an actress, but she represents the modern, basket case Western woman so well. Ride the cock carousel in their 20s, then beg for a Chad or more likely settle for a simp to take care of them.
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Roast This: Match Stories - Courtney
04-06-2018, 11:34 PM
"I like getting into different cultures."
Especially the cultures in the petri dish of communicable diseases currently living in that pussy.
Remissas, discite, vivet.
God save us from people who mean well. -storm
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Roast This: Match Stories - Courtney
04-07-2018, 12:09 AM
If a bitch is white, a flight attendant, and loves to travel- Does she have more frequent flyer miles or miles of cocks?
Delicious Tacos is the voice of my generation....
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Roast This: Match Stories - Courtney
04-07-2018, 12:10 AM
First comment:
"I would need a PhD in mathematics to calculate just how far out of my league Courtney is."
Fuck this gay earth.
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Roast This: Match Stories - Courtney
04-07-2018, 12:12 AM
I've never done a roast before, but I think it would go something like this...
Where do you even begin with this? The wrinkled, leathery skin like a used condom. The unconvincingly bleached hair. The expensively whitened teeth stretched out into a smile that says, "I'm having FUN! Can't you see how much FUN I'm having?" but is one mimosa away from breaking down sobbing in front of her entire Sunday brunch group. The soulless eyes that have seen more cock than the most hardcore pornhub viewer. The staged photos in expensive tourist locations, complete with ridiculous yoga pants and the world's ugliest bandanna. This is a woman with more SSRIs and exotic antidepressants in her medicine cabinet than you'd find in a GlaxoSmithKline warehouse.
Then of course, there's the plea for "nice guys" who "don't play games", that comes after she scared away her last 30 boyfriends by showing up at their apartment at 3:30 AM on a weekday night, banging on their window and demanding to know why they didn't answer the phone-melting series of texts she sent 10 minutes ago. She's thirty, and she stopped enjoying casual sex years ago, but it's the only thing she has to offer a man and she doesn't know how to stop. She's still getting swipes on tinder and likes on Instagram, but even though she's too stupid to do the math she knows she's not getting as many likes as she was when she was 29, and when she was 29 she wasn't getting as many as likes as she was when she was 28. This is a woman who's turned to an online dating website out of sheer desperation, the way a drowning man clings the wreckage of a sinking ship. This is a woman who's biological clock is ticking so loud that if you lay next to her in bed you'll wake up the next morning deaf in one ear and with a lifetime of tinnitus. Maybe that's why none of the guys she invites over never call her back.
In the brief moments where the prescription drugs and the alcohol wear off, she knows she's fucked. She could've married her high school sweetheart and been a happy mom like the ones in the magazines, with a beautiful kitchen with expensive granite countertops, and a family room decorated with those adorable little wreathes those magazines at the grocery store checkout line promise to teach you how to make. But her mother told her that she was too smart to just marry out of high school, and she ended up going to an expensive private university in the Northeast. She majored in English, and graduated 70,000$ in debt. The sweetheart went on to be a pharmaceutical rep and have three kids. She and her mom almost never talk anymore. She doesn't talk to most of her friends now either, because by now most of them are married with children, and it burns, oh how it burns, when they all complain about the trouble their kids are getting into at preschool, or how much daycare costs. "You're so lucky," they all say, "You don't have to deal with diapers or getting up in the middle of the night because your kid wet the bed." Both they and she know that she'd give up a kidney for the chance to change a baby's diaper.
This isn't an ad for match.com, it's an ad for the Cambodian sex tourism industry, with the tagline, "Cambodian Whores: We'll take your money and your dignity, but at least we won't show up outside your house at night screaming 'I wanted babies! Why won't you give me babies?!'"
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Roast This: Match Stories - Courtney
04-07-2018, 12:26 AM
Pinto beans, and a nice diet coke?
I'm the tower of power, too sweet to be sour. I'm funky like a monkey. Sky's the limit and space is the place!
-Randy Savage
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Roast This: Match Stories - Courtney
04-07-2018, 12:31 AM
If tits were as big as nose is wide, I would message.
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Roast This: Match Stories - Courtney
04-07-2018, 04:19 AM
Maybe its wrong of me, but at 0:10 I really wanted the jet engine to suck her through and just squirt STDs all over the runway.
Aloha!
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Roast This: Match Stories - Courtney
04-07-2018, 04:41 AM
Roasting aside, what would be the winning message that wouldn't be discarded faster than a windshield wiper flyer?
I have no experience with that sort of thing on account of my crippling oldness, but I'm curious to see what kind of stuff you youngsters throw at these whores.
The public will judge a man by what he lifts, but those close to him will judge him by what he carries.
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Roast This: Match Stories - Courtney
04-07-2018, 04:42 AM
OP should have put her name in the title.
That way, when Courtney inevitably stumbled upon this page, she could find fulfilment and spirituality in all the excellent advice being offered here.
I'm the King of Beijing!