[Nelson254]

Hey guys.

New to the forum and am reading this every day to become a better person.

I have written a few posts but wanted to update you on what I've been doing to improve since August 2016. Read about fapping on the forum and have decided to stop. Have stopped for the last 4 weeks if I can recall. I think I will have to wait until it becomes unbearable before approaching. I have found I can look at women for longer before looking away (Still a way off from approaching though)

I am 30 and live in London. Currently have a terrible 9-5 job but live at home so money is no problem at the moment. Learning Spanish too. The aim is to become fluent in Spanish and French. Have good accents on both according to some which is comforting.

The people I work with are all left wing liberals so I have decided to ignore them. I have done three more things to improve my game since last year. First to walk up right and look into the eyes of everyone I encounter. I still look away but should be able to lock eyes with people given practice. (Advice welcome to keep eye contact)

Second thing is to update my wardrobe and am still buying clothes that fits my physique. Lastly I have been going to the gym for the last year and have seen a transformation but realise I will have to go for the rest of my life to keep fit. There are too many obese people in London and I don't want to end up as one of them.

Any advice would be welcome. Have decided to go to as many London meet up activities as possible to get a social circle. There must be some people in London that I can connect with.

That's all for now.

[Dark Emperor]

Just my opinion, i'm not an expert in gaming by any means. I am also from London though.

Regarding the no fapping thing. I'm not really sure how that helps if you are not approaching any females. I'm intrigued to find out the reasoning behind this. Will you approach more females just because you're not fapping?

What is your experience with girls like? I think you need to dive right in and just force yourself to open them as much as you can. Even getting rejected or no response will feel much better than letting every girl go by. Also you will get used to rejection and which will make you approach more until you eventually start learning, improving and seeing results.

Where do you usually go out socially in London? I would recommend a website called meetup.com, especially if you're a bit shy and go out alone. You can join the group with social activities you're interested in like hiking, cinema etc.
But i generally stick to the bar meetups. you pay a small fee each event (£5 or so) and the standard isn't great but it will get you talking to women. The m/f ratio is also usually 2:1 but a lot of guys there i'd say are young virgins or older dudes with no game. Plus if it's a Friday or Saturday night, you'll already be in a bar or club which will get busy with ladies later in the night. I've had some success with this method.

I am also looking for better places to meet women in London. I work for a small company and there is no potentials there. So it's mainly weekends for me as well as Tinder. But competition in London on tinder is fierce for black guys. I am trying to focus more on daygame now.

[Nelson254]

Hey man.

I started game a year ago but still haven't approached. Working on my inner confidence at the moment.

I don't go out socially lol. That's why I started reading the forum and have joined these London meet up groups to meet new people and to hopefully find people I have a vibe with.

My experience is non-existent but looking to change that. I have worked on my cockiness and sarcasm.

I thought black guys like yourself killed it on tinder lol. Will need to download the app but need to get at least 5 interesting pictures on the site first to get women to bite.

I thought about going on the bar meet ups. Did one in November last year and it was a disaster but have thought about going on a few more.

Since no fapping I have locked eyes with women more so it has worked to a small degree. Will have to update you in a month's time to see if it does really work lol.

Good luck with your day game. I just need to come out of my comfort zone.

[Dark Emperor]

Okay fair enough, well you will need to start trying to talk to women you don't know when you're out and about. Even if its just small talk and not proper gaming then. That will improve confidence then you can step it up from there.

Tinder is over saturated in London. There is loads of black guys just like the clubs/bars with decent music. Good game will still get us girls but being black isn't an advantage. I paid for premium and changed location on tinder to one of the countryside towns. I've had loads of matches and went over to bang one a few weeks ago. It was over 2hr journey so not going over for dates, only bangs lol.

The bar meetups are hit and miss. But why i like it is because no matter how bad it is, you will be in a bar and be able to game regular chicks later on in the night. I've banged 6 women over past year or so just because i was out and about at these bar socials. But i understand you're not at that stage yet....

[redbeard]

(09-21-2017 02:30 PM)Nelson254 Wrote:  

I started game a year ago but still haven't approached. Working on my inner confidence at the moment.

Approaching increases your inner confidence.

Just start.

[Remington]

(09-21-2017 07:15 PM)redbeard Wrote:  

(09-21-2017 02:30 PM)Nelson254 Wrote:  

I started game a year ago but still haven't approached. Working on my inner confidence at the moment.

Approaching increases your inner confidence.

Just start.

Bingo. Start now. Learn by trial and error. Try new things to say every time. Build up your approaching experiences and figure out what works for you. This will decrease your approach anxiety, and like redbeard said, increase your inner confidence.

[Nelson254]

I have decided to go to many more London meet ups and will try and go to a few bar ones so may see you there one day.

I want to get to your stage but something must have clicked with you to start changing and having a I don't give a fuck mentality.

When did you start approaching women with the confidence of not giving a damn what the outcome would be? That's why I have stopped fapping. I'm hoping the thirst will overcome the fear of the approach.

[Nelson254]

Hey and thanks for your input.

Sounds easy but it isn't. I am worried what people might think which is irritating. Again I ask you as well, what made you start approaching and not care what the result was?

[kirdiesel]

You aren't in the game or even gaming if you aren't approaching. No fap is an excuse right now for your mind to tell you that you are actually doing something when in fact you aren't doing anything.

Again just get out there and start talking to girls.. whether its social circle game, online game, night game or day game. Just pick a poison or multiple and get started.

/thread.

[realologist]

All that self improvement (which I'm a big proponent of) doesn't help get you laid if you don't use any of it.

You are using it as an excuse to avoid talking to these chicks. What self improvement you need most is social. Get out and talk to people both men and women.

[Remington]

(09-22-2017 12:36 PM)Nelson254 Wrote:  

I ask you as well, what made you start approaching and not care what the result was?

I got to that stage when I had plenty of girls to call to come over at any given point.

Edit: Abundance mentality. One of the best things I've learned.

[Captain Gh]

Black and still living at home past 26, fat, virgin, overly conscientious and extremely passive before taking actions... shit I think I was reading one of my first post over here!

I can imagine the immense mountain that speaking to girls in order to get laid must be... since I've been there. If you're not already... I recommend that you start reading Game materials voraciously over & over & over again...especially on Approach Anxiety.

YOU MUST START TALKING TO GIRLS NOW... Because the more you wait... THE LONGER IT WILL TAKE TO ERADICATE YOUR APPROACH ANXIETY. Lile the other posters... I can't stress how critical this is!

Notice I wrote talking to girls... and not approaching. Just approach asking directions to the women you'd like to open.

Yeah they'll smell your intentions from a Mile Away but who cares! This is a journey... not a Race! One step out a time with constant improvement is all you need!

[Huey]

(09-22-2017 12:36 PM)Nelson254 Wrote:  

Hey and thanks for your input.

Sounds easy but it isn't. I am worried what people might think which is irritating. Again I ask you as well, what made you start approaching and not care what the result was?

I used to worry about what people might think of me too, but I quickly realized that the vast majority of people simply don't care about me. They only care about themselves. Have you ever been out in public and observed everyone around you? Everyone is in their own world - on their smartphones, reading their Kindles, listening to music, whatever.

I remember once I approached a girl on a train that was so packed that you could barely fucking move. Everyone was so bunched together that I'm sure guys memorized her number when she was giving it to me. That's how close everyone was. Guess what? Nobody cared. No one was annoyed or complained. As I was getting off the train, a guy that was next to me even gave me a pound because he wanted to approach her but was too afraid.

What you need to realize is people simply don't care about you. You might they think do, but trust me, they don't. You could be in a crowded area and yell "I'm a fucking faggot" at the top of your lungs and you might get a few awkward stares, but a few minutes later everyone will forget about you.

The sooner you stop depending on external validation to maintain your self-esteem, the less social inhibited you'll be.

EDIT: I recommend reading How to Control Your Anxiety Before It Controls You by Albert Ellis.

[Nelson254]

Cheers for your advice.

I am going out to more social group events which is something I would not have dreamed I would have done a few years ago. I know it's my own fear that's stopping me from approaching and just talking to women. I will overcome it but at the moment I don't know what's stopping me.

The no fapping hopefully will help me with that too lol. Realologist on this post thread told me to be more social and speak to women AND men to get used to approaching random strangers. Will work on that as well.

Hope to update you in the next few weeks about my progress. I have definitely progressed since last year thanks to the gym and updating my wardrobe. More to do though.

[Nelson254]

Cheers for your advice.

I am going out to more social group events which is something I would not have dreamed I would have done a few years ago. I know it's my own fear that's stopping me from approaching and just talking to women. I will overcome it but at the moment I don't know what's stopping me.

The no fapping hopefully will help me with that too lol. Realologist on this post thread told me to be more social and speak to women AND men to get used to approaching random strangers. Will work on that as well.

Hope to update you in the next few weeks about my progress. I have definitely progressed since last year thanks to the gym and updating my wardrobe. More to do though.

[alex homer]

wasted seconds leads to wasted minutes turning into wasted hours and wasted life..It's now or never mate!

[Jagnum]

I did a lot of what you did when I started game.

Namely, going to random Meetups. They weren't good venues, in my opinion, for actually meeting girls. The ratios are terrible, and it's hard to have a 1-on-1 conversation. She's going to pigeonhole you immediately into "friendly nice guy" and not "confident mysterious guy who approached me while I was sitting at this coffee shop".

I recommend you read Roosh's "Day Bang". Sounds like you haven't really approached at all. The way he lays it out using an elderly opener in a coffee shop for example, is the most accessible way to start. Doing street game is much harder if you're new. Start with the coffee shop.

Most of the dates I went on in my first year came this way. I'd suggest spending Saturday AND Sunday morning/early afternoon, at the "cool coffee shop" in London. You might also go on Thursday night. Shouldn't be hard to figure out which one attracts a bunch of hot girls sitting their on their own or with one friend.

Bring your Rosetta Stone to practice Spanish and French. After you open her, then you can casually bring up that you're learning Spanish because you'd like to quit your job and move to Spain. Even if it's not true, helps a girl get out of her mundane world and think about travel. That's juicy bait. If you don't know what I mean by bait, read "Day Bang". Then talking about travel is one of the easiest conversations you can have with a girl.

Then close by telling her, "I have to get back to studying. You seem cool, and I'm new to this area. We should continue this conversation sometime over a drink."

PM me if you have questions.

[redbeard]

(09-22-2017 12:25 PM)Nelson254 Wrote:  

I have decided to go to many more London meet ups and will try and go to a few bar ones so may see you there one day.

I want to get to your stage but something must have clicked with you to start changing and having a I don't give a fuck mentality.

When did you start approaching women with the confidence of not giving a damn what the outcome would be? That's why I have stopped fapping. I'm hoping the thirst will overcome the fear of the approach.

Nothing clicked. It's not an on and off switch.

It's the result of years of hard work.

There are no articles, forum posts, drugs, workout routines, books, or meetups that replace doing the work.

Just start.

If you really want someone to hold your hand, do GLL's Approach Anxiety program. It starts with you literally saying "hi" to girls...then asking them for the time. Easy.

Do the program.

After each day's approaches, come here and log the results and your thoughts.

[The Stronger Sex]

If you struggle with talking to strange girls full stop, then start by just approaching girls without an outcome in mind, even if it's just to say 'Hi'. Don't even think of fucking them. This will bring down your mental barriers and lower your anxiety levels.

[TimePlayer]

Not fapping makes everything more interesting. Don’t fap. I would rather stare at a cute girl’s ass at a supermarket than fap. The high lasts longer. It is more fun and natural.

[Fortis]

I saw "no fap" and immediately knew that was code for "no approaching."

Stop the mental masturbation and start cold approaching.

[captain_shane]

If you really want to break your anxiety 100% about opening and talking to girls, then go take a door-to-door sales job. Even if it's only for 1-2 days. When you go knock on 100 doors and try and sell people whatever it may be like bibles, encyclopedias, vacuums, etc.

That will break your anxiety 100% guaranteed. If you don't feel like talking to people after your first 20 houses, then maybe you just aren't cut out to be in this game, and you should just go get the first 2/10 that will marry you.

[Nelson254]

Hey man.

I just started a year ago by going to the gym as I was overweight for 11 years. I am a beginner so it will take time to overcome the fear. The aim is to approach by December this year.

I have better standards since university and can assure you I will NOT marry a 2/10.

[Nelson254]

No fapping has helped me lock eyes on women for longer than If I fap once a day. I am a beginner as I mentioned on other posts so will take time to overcome the fear.

It's easier for others to overcome AA. I am working hard to overcome it and it won't happen over night.

[Tactician]

Don't fap. DON'T LOOK AT PORN. Figure out your "whys" write down at least 5 reasons and look at them whenever you have the urge. Keep the no-fap thread on this forum open in another tab.

I did no fap for 90 days. Hard mode because gf was in Korea. It was an absolute positive in my life. I had infinite energy, all my lifts went up (well, they'd do up anyway because I'm not near my limit, but still), I started meditating. Just simple focus on my breath and then thinking about a specific 'concept' I want to embody. I cut out a ton of other shit from my life (thought, 'hey, if I can give up fapping, other stuff must be easy'). I DID FRIGGIN CARDIO. Man, fuck cardio. My badminton game improved leaps and bounds.

No fap is great, definitely stick with it!

It's a great catalyst for you to sort yourself out and get other destructive habits under control. If you can do NF, you'll start to ask yourself, "what other things could I get rid of or improve."

As for AA, if you're having trouble with this look into the GLL program redbeard posted above. It starts you off small and you build from there. Like everything in life.

Except my dick. That started off large. Peace.

Edit: You mention you're going to the gym. MAKE SURE YOU'RE ON A GOOD PROGRAM that includes: Squats, deadlifts, an upper body push, and an upper body pull (I like dumbbell pushpress and chin-ups), at the minimum. Stronglifts 5x5 is often recommended, but if you feel it's too intense, you can cut some exercises out as long as you have those 4. E.g. It is recommended to have both a vertical & horizontal push/pull, but you can just choose between vertical or horizontal if both is too much to start (I prefer vertical stuff, it has far more carry over).

Double edit: You're on the right track man. All the best.