Quote: (10-31-2017 01:14 PM)Eddie Winslow Wrote:
Quote: (07-10-2017 01:12 PM)Eddie Winslow Wrote:
Yesterday I woke up and decided poker needed to go. I went to a local racetrack and completed an application to self-ban myself from all casinos and online gaming sites in NJ for 5 years. I got my photo taken and everything so security could identify me and kick me out if need be.
I never kept track but I think I was a winning live player. I bought dozens of books, watched videos, spent tons of time studying. I ran my 1/2 stack up to around $2k on three occasions this year and cashed in a few tournaments.
The negatives of playing just became too much to justify the moments of excitement and the prospect of winning. I often purposely avoided making plans with friends and family so that I would have more free time, which I could later rationalize should be used to play cards. Win or lose, I usually had to pay my chiro every week to undo the damage caused from sitting so much. I secretly wished girls would flake or social events would be cancelled so I could go to the casino instead. When I played, I ate shitty Wawa sandwiches, or even worse, nothing at all.
I relied on poker for the past eight or so years to numb the pain of a miserable relationship, then a struggling and failed business venture. It allowed me to shut off my brain without the need for alcohol or drugs, which I thought was a good thing at the time.
I know I made the right choice, but I'm a really nervous about what I'm going to do with all this extra free time now. Hopefully I'll use it in a positive way. We shall see...
Update: The following two weekends after I banned myself from all NJ casinos, I was going to PA to play there. After a particularly soul-crushing hand I walked straight to security and banned myself from PA casinos as well. Haven't played a hand of poker in 3 months.
That is until this past weekend. I drove to Maryland to go visit some friends from college, but they all wanted to lay low on Friday night and save their energy for Saturday, when we had plans for an event filled day. I found myself between DC and Baltimore with a hotel already booked for the night and nothing to do. Somehow I justified checking out the new casino in the area and playing some cards.
30 minutes after getting starting, I got rivered at the 1/2 table by some old lady who made a ridiculous snap call of my turn overshove with an open ended straight draw and of course she hit it. She highfived her neighbor and told me how she "knew what I had the whole time," then got up from the table three hands later with all of my money. I was fuming at her but moreso at myself. I punted off another 200 bucks before calling it a night in less than 2 hours.
I'm very grateful that I had a bad night. I didn't ban myself from MD casinos as well yet but I go out there very rarely and am certainly in no rush to go back anytime soon.
About 5 weeks ago, I started to get interested in betting football, and have been making small bets daily since. I've been on a great run and am up about $1500 since I started - $1300 of which I have already taken out of my account and invested in Bitcoin.
Although I've had some temporary success, it's easy to see how incredibly hard it is to beat sports and I've been far more disciplined than I have in the past. Unfortunately (or fortunately?) I also feel and acknowledge the old blissful ignorance that following the scores gives me from addressing my problems and loneliness - I'm sure I'll find a way to ban myself from this as well sooner or later.
All in all, life has massively improved since I've quit poker, and I'm hoping Friday's small relapse was truly a one-time slip.
Update 2019:
My one-year, self-imposed ban ended during the summer of 2018, just about the same time sports gambling began to get legalized in my area.
I was fine for a few months, but ultimately made a poor decision to get involved with betting college basketball again at the start of this season. I started off well, but then got smoked with the worst cold streak I've ever had - I went something like 2-23 on ATS bets in Dec-Jan. I started getting wrapped up in recouping losses, and soon rationalized that it was OK to spend all weekend at the casino again.
I played a 16 hour session during Super Bowl Sunday, got home at 2am, and stumbled into the office 5 hours later feeling like absolute trash from lack of sleep and back pain. I was also $400 poorer.
I felt like my time/life management was beginning to spiral out of control, so I decided to ban myself again on Monday, this time for 5 years.
I absolutely love my location-dependent career and care deeply about the people close to me, so I don't forsee myself leaving the country to start a new life like many other RVFers have. That being said, my personal/social life has suffered since moving away from the city and isolating myself alone in the suburbs. Mindlessly chasing pussy is rapidly losing its luster, but settling down into a serious relationship doesn't seem particularly interesting either. Drinking and partying are way less appealing than even two years ago. I don't have a particularly strong attraction to any activity beyond playing pickup basketball and (to a lesser extent) staying fit. Poker was by far my favorite hobby to pass the time, and now that's gone for a very long time, maybe (hopefully?) forever.
I know I made the right choice, but I don't know how I'm going to spend my free time anymore and it's freaking me out a bit. In the short term, I'm going to work longer hours, take a couple classes to improve my job skillset, and get back into stand-up comedy. I'm performing tomorrow night for the first time in three years, and hope to have a recording to share on the comedy thread. I'm also forcing myself to hit the club next weekend and focus on having a great time.
I have no choice but to do some hardcore self-reflection and find a new lifestyle that is fulfilling and meaningful to ME and ME only. I believe I ultimately can and will find it, which is the reason I decided to quit instead of fall any deeper into the destructive cycle. Regardless, I'm certain there will be a challenging and painful path to get there, wherever that is. Wish me luck.