[birthday cat]

I think some guys over-estimate how easy it is to have a LTR where they can discreetly bang other girls but the girls aren't allowed to see other guys.

In my opinion, a logical solution would be to allow the girl to have platonic friends. The guy gets to bang other girls and the girl gets to receive attention but not bang other guys. This seems more realistic to me and it is based on the idea that men seek sex and women seek attention. What do you guys think?

Also, I am not suggesting that this solution would work for VV. The long distance aspect of his relationship makes it very difficult.

[kaotic]

(02-02-2017 01:08 PM)birthday cat Wrote:  

I think some guys over-estimate how easy it is to have a LTR where they can discreetly bang other girls but the girls aren't allowed to see other guys.

In my opinion, a logical solution would be to allow the girl to have platonic friends. The guy gets to bang other girls and the girl gets to receive attention but not bang other guys. This seems more realistic to me and it is based on the idea that men seek sex and women seek attention. What do you guys think?

Also, I am not suggesting that this solution would work for VV. The long distance aspect of his relationship makes it very difficult.

It's easier when she lives in another nearby city, but you see each other 2-3 times a week.

You have to be somewhat of a sociopath in order to enjoy an LTR and fuck on the side.

My former LTR had a few girlfriends, 1 or 2 coworker girlfriends, but mostly kept to herself and spent her time with her family at home. She never had guy friends that I knew of, and was protective of me anytime I said hi to a woman (gotta love that Latina sass).

Anytime I'm on a date with a woman and the subject of guy friends come up, I always say with a smirk and a Blowjob motion, "yeah LOTS of guy friends"

I blow the topic out of the water by asking one simple question, "If you gave them a pass to fuck you, they would take it wouldn't they ?"

The answers ranges from "well we've hooked up, but that was years before" to "well he did say he likes me, but I said I'm not interested", to silence or a laugh. Bitches know what's up.

They try to counter me asking me if I have any girl friends, I say no, any girl I'm hanging with, I'm interested in, any other girl is married, or in a social circle of friends that I'm not close to.

Most guys here are weary of guys "who are just friends" unless they're married or in a serious LTR. Like I said before any girl I was friends with, I wanted to fuck.

This is more of a problem of frame, reframing, only to have another problem rise up.

Reading about VV's past experiences with girl, I tend to see a pattern of this rising up, unfortunately they're way too far apart to manage a good LTR, she's pining for attention, Skype/Text/Phone Calls, can only go so far, you HAVE to be PHYSICALLY there and dick her down good so she only has gina tingles for you.

[Rocha]

Quote:

You have to be somewhat of a sociopath in order to enjoy an LTR and fuck on the side.

Thanks for the compliment

[Resolute]

birthday cat:

In most of Asia, the girls KNOW what's up. If you're white, you have to turn down pussy---literally--on a weekly basis. (This is assuming you're fairly young and in ok shape, and not hideous or ridiculously poor---basically, an average or better guy).

Because your value is much higher than hers, she'll put up with a lot more. Will this work in the US, Canada, Aus, England? Obviously not. Sure, a girl there like this would be a keeper. But not in Thailand.

[DimeBait]

More comprehensive advice aside, If you're banging something on the side, I really wouldn't care. If she's a undercover whore, that's her problem, don't make it yours.

[birthday cat]

(02-02-2017 01:33 PM)Resolute Wrote:  

birthday cat:

In most of Asia, the girls KNOW what's up. If you're white, you have to turn down pussy---literally--on a weekly basis. (This is assuming you're fairly young and in ok shape, and not hideous or ridiculously poor---basically, an average or better guy).

Because your value is much higher than hers, she'll put up with a lot more. Will this work in the US, Canada, Aus, England? Obviously not. Sure, a girl there like this would be a keeper. But not in Thailand.

Do other guys agree with this?

Are you comfortable with making life altering decisions around a girl and your LTR with her based on the fact that she knows what's up even though you haven't talked about it?

I'm not talking about casual dating. I'm talking about serious relationships where you consider moving in together or having children.

[Resolute]

I never said it was morally justified, only possible. I reserve my moral judgments for my own life most of the time.

[birthday cat]

(02-02-2017 01:54 PM)birthday cat Wrote:  

(02-02-2017 01:33 PM)Resolute Wrote:  

birthday cat:

In most of Asia, the girls KNOW what's up. If you're white, you have to turn down pussy---literally--on a weekly basis. (This is assuming you're fairly young and in ok shape, and not hideous or ridiculously poor---basically, an average or better guy).

Because your value is much higher than hers, she'll put up with a lot more. Will this work in the US, Canada, Aus, England? Obviously not. Sure, a girl there like this would be a keeper. But not in Thailand.

Do other guys agree with this?

Are you comfortable with making life altering decisions around a girl and your LTR with her based on the fact that she knows what's up even though you haven't talked about it?

I'm not talking about casual dating. I'm talking about serious relationships where you consider moving in together or having children.

To clarify - I am talking about situations where you are allowed to bang girls on the side in a serious LTR that could lead to living together or having kids. I am not talking about moral justification. My concern is that I wouldn't want to make life altering decisions based on an assumption or implication that the girl was ok with me banging other girls. It is something I would want to discuss.

Question 1 - I already know what Resolute thinks but do other guys agree that it is possible to bang girls on the side in the context of a serious multi-year LTR based on the assumption or implication that the girl is ok with it? I'm allergic to drama from girls and I would be worried that I am headed for a shitstorm of drama if I did this.

Question 2 - In the context of an LTR that isn't a long distance relationship - are you guys ok with the girl having platonic male friends? I'm not sure about this one but it seems that allowing her to get attention (but not sex) from other men is somewhat of an even trade for you being allowed to get sex from other women.

[dallasguy]

Move along

[Serious Sam]

@Vincent:

Having been in four LTRs--two very good, two tumultuous and emotionally exhausting--and several dalliances in between, I will say that there are better options for you.

The two tumultuous relationships had two glaring red flags in common:

1) The girls had poor relationships with their fathers.
2) The girls had several male friends/orbiters.

The two very good relationships had two positive qualities in common:

1) The girls had excellent relationships with their fathers.
2) The girls had no male friends/orbiters.

Just to clarify, when I say "male friends," I mean guys they talk to regularly and use as emotional tampons, as it sounds like your girl does. I'm not talking about a casual acquaintance or coworker she hardly mentions and never texts or talks to outside of situations where they're with mutual friends or coworkers.

The problem with platonic male friends, and especially ones she meets on Tinder is, that while she may not intend to fuck him, he's biding his time for the right moment. We're men, we know how men think and the urges we feel, and if a girl is halfway attractive, her male friends all want to fuck her.

All it takes is for them to be alone, she gets a text from you, she feels a little sad because she misses you, he says something that makes her laugh and cheers her up, and she starts to tingle. She doesn't exactly know why, but this otherwise platonic tampon is there, in that moment, making her feel good. And although she may regret it and wonder what the fuck she was thinking at a later moment, she now finds herself in a situation where her emotions might get the better of her and she starts kissing this guy and possibly more. This is why platonic male friends pose a danger to any relationship.

I say this because, despite all the negative shit we read and see, there are loyal women out there who will see you as their rock. They don't feel the need to dump their emotions on some other guy because 1) Life is good for her and 2) She respects you. Hell, she won't even shit-talk you to her girlfriends or family; instead, she'll sing your praises and her girlfriends and family will love you for it.

I'm not describing a unicorn. Each relationship comes with it's given amount of baggage and bullshit, but some come with far less than others. With this current girl, you'll always be wondering, and you'll never fully trust her. Even if she cuts this guy off, there will be another platonic male friend on the horizon. You've started two threads about her, and I think you see that the writing is on the wall. But you care deeply about her and don't like what it says, so you want to see if we will translate it any differently.

If you cut her off, take some time to reflect and work on yourself, then a couple years down the road you'll find a girl worth starting a family with--a girl who doesn't have several male friends she met on Tinder. Sure, the new girl can be a pain in the ass at times, but you have trust and respect, she has a wonderful family, and you're her rock. Her baggage and bullshit measures far lower than what you've dealt with before.

Then you'll ask yourself, "How did I put up with all that other shit?"

[Mufasa]

I still think you should join her. Fuck that "play the hand your delt" shit. If you don't like it...

[General Stalin]

@birthday cat

This "even trade-off" you speak of doesn't play out like that. One should assume most/all men who a girl is involved with is sexually interested in her. This is a liability and jeopardizes the relationship. I'm a firm believer in the "men and women can't be friends" philosophy.

I could go deeper into this if anyone is interested, but the dynamic of you openly sleeping with other women and your girl hanging around with men who in all likelyhood are sexually interested in her and trusting she is NOT going to wind up with another dude's dick in her is very skewed.

[Chetthebaker]

Stalin you nailed this one.
When you have a girl really hooked they don't pull this shit. She's shopping.
Also, most long term relationships are bullshit. Maybe if you took her virginity it's got a slightly greater chance of success.
Anyhow, demote her to fuckbuddy or next.

[birthday cat]

General Stalin - Can you clarify if you think an LTR can work if the man is openly sleeping with other women?

This is something I've thought about a lot and I haven't been able to come to a conclusion about what is best for me. I think we all prefer the scenario where the man is allowed to discreetly get laid on the side and the women is not allowed to see other men - but how realistic is that? How many guys can pull that off in real life?

It still has some drawbacks even if you can pull it off. There is a huge potential for drama down the road when she changes her mind. Women change their mind about everything and I don't think her husband banging other women is going to be an exception.

Also, you can't do this and have a marriage or kids in the west. You might find a woman to agree with it, but if the relationship goes bad then she will say you were cheating and you will get destroyed in court.

[RatInTheWoods]

(02-01-2017 10:25 PM)Mufasa Wrote:  

Option 3) Meet him WITH her. "Hey he's an important part of your life and I want to be apart of that. I would like to meet this nice fella. I already bought my ticket see you soon xoxo" Then show up and use kindness to make this as awkward as fuck

This is pure evil genius. I wish I could think of shit like this myself. I love it.

This is the ONLY way to deal with this situation, assuming of course that you don't just next her on the spot for coming to you with this bullshit story.

At least she told you, not just banged him on the side quietly.

[Rocha]

(02-02-2017 04:48 PM)birthday cat Wrote:  

General Stalin - Can you clarify if you think an LTR can work if the man is openly sleeping with other women?

Pardon the interference. But what is a LTR that works? One that you spent the best days of your life monogamous banging a bitch that will turn fat or sour in 10, 15, 25 years and will try to divorce rape you and will betray you with younger guys she mets on tinder?

Fuck that shit! The ones you do not bang here, you will get buttfucked in hell! Fuck has many sluts has possible, life is just one, you only live once. Dont waste your best player years.

[Steelex]

Hah dude this has to be the easiest question I have ever heard.

4 million women out there and you pick a shitty one to spend your time with, that speaks more about you then her.

[birthday cat]

(02-02-2017 06:49 PM)Rocha Wrote:  

(02-02-2017 04:48 PM)birthday cat Wrote:  

General Stalin - Can you clarify if you think an LTR can work if the man is openly sleeping with other women?

Pardon the interference. But what is a LTR that works? One that you spent the best days of your life monogamous banging a bitch that will turn fat or sour in 10, 15, 25 years and will try to divorce rape you and will betray you with younger guys she mets on tinder?

Fuck that shit! The ones you do not bang here, you will get buttfucked in hell! Fuck has many sluts has possible, life is just one, you only live once. Dont waste your best player years.

That is an excellent question. I can't answer this for everyone but I think the definition of an LTR that works well for me is similar to many other guys on the forum so I'll give it a shot.

An LTR that works (without kids) would be a relationship that lasts at least 1 year or so (long enough to get beyond the honeymoon or new relationship energy phase), makes me happy during that time, and ends reasonably well so that I don't regret the relationship.

An LTR that works (with kids) would be similar but it would last long enough to get the kids to adulthood and be a relationship that facilitates a positive childhood for those kids.

I won't be getting married in a western country so divorce rape isn't as much of a concern.

[Travesty]

(02-02-2017 03:00 AM)Dalaran1991 Wrote:  

I'm not of the "next her" camp, as if it's the go to answer for every damn question on this forum.

I want the odds with guys that have had long standing successful LTRs (10 years+) that went to an internet forum or even a friend to ask about a girl's male friend trying to bang them that is still going strong.

[XPQ22]

I'm late to this one, but for my part don't think I'd be able to handle stressing over what a girl an hour's plane flight away was doing with her spare time.

Years ago I used to bang this one chick who came to town every once in a while on business from Bumfuckville down south. She was a fun girl and we kept in touch on social media, she sometimes mentioned things about guys but she definitely didn't run it by me every time she wanted to meet up with a "friend" of hers for whatever, and I'd have found it weird. Bitch I definitely do not care.

It's hard enough having to occasionally stress over what the girl I'm seeing regularly who lives a 10 minute drive down the road is up to on some Saturday where she may or may not be "out with friends", much less hoes in area codes.

(02-01-2017 10:25 PM)Mufasa Wrote:  

Option 3) Meet him WITH her. "Hey he's an important part of your life and I want to be apart of that. I would like to meet this nice fella. I already bought my ticket see you soon xoxo" Then show up and use kindness to make this as awkward as fuck

Amusing! Reminds me of those couple dates I had with snotty eGirls where I could tell they were thinking "OMG, he's like, sooooo lame" and I just decided to play it completely straight. "Wow, thanks for coming out tonight. Do you like this bar? I think it's the greatest bar ever. This is one of the best dates I've ever been on. Gonna be great to have a girlfriend again..."

Then deny the "hug-close."

[MVPnis]

Don't believe that story for a second. She's going on a date and does not take you seriously . She's looking at other peen and if the guy has any game he's gonna smash that pussy. Don't be "THAT GUY " that believes a Bullshitt story like that. A girl real into won't put herself in that position. She doesn't respect you and it looks like you lost frame.

Next her or bring her down to double or single A league. She is not your girlfreind anymore.

[Mufasa]

(02-02-2017 09:07 PM)XPQ22 Wrote:  

Then deny the "hug-close."

lol thats evil! I didn't see that coming

[XPQ22]

(02-02-2017 10:24 PM)Mufasa Wrote:  

(02-02-2017 09:07 PM)XPQ22 Wrote:  

Then deny the "hug-close."

lol thats evil! I didn't see that coming

I don't think it's evil. Don't you get a bit offended if you're on a go-nowhere date where the girl is completely resistant to even the slightest bit of touching, in the way that people do when they're on a "romantic date", and then at the end she suddenly wants to bear hug you like you're her long lost brother?

Miss, that date felt like a business meeting. Hugs are for girls I'm in a relationship of some type with. I don't hug my clients, either. Please respect my boundaries...

[Latan]

OP, Next her.

[General Mayhem]

There's a few ways to look at it but the most useful is just to imagine myself as that guy not giving two fucks that this chick has a man. Also, I'm not wasting my time unless I've deemed that there's a decent possibility we fuck.

As you know, that's not every guy. But for every alpha there's 10 betas out there that will hang with a chick out of the quiet desperation that something will happen.

Either way, why play those odds?

The fact that they met on tinder and swiped right? They probably want to meet to determine whether or not they are soul mates. Old friends is a totally different game that's neither here or there.

You are never going to be able to predict any situation to the full extent. It really comes down to how much uncertainty you wish to deal with in your relationships with women.