[Malo]

OP, what your girl is actually telling you and in no uncertain terms is "you don't fill up my world anymore, so I need attention from other guys".

So either you do what it takes to fill up her world again, or you next her. The choice is up to you.

[Mufasa]

(02-02-2017 11:44 PM)XPQ22 Wrote:  

(02-02-2017 10:24 PM)Mufasa Wrote:  

(02-02-2017 09:07 PM)XPQ22 Wrote:  

Then deny the "hug-close."

lol thats evil! I didn't see that coming

I don't think it's evil. Don't you get a bit offended if you're on a go-nowhere date where the girl is completely resistant to even the slightest bit of touching, in the way that people do when they're on a "romantic date", and then at the end she suddenly wants to bear hug you like you're her long lost brother?

I don't mean evil in a traditional sense. I meant like its a move that she doesnt see coming that honestly probably makes her more attracted to you. She definitely used to being "the princess" and she probably hugs a lot of guys before putting them in the friendzone. With your move its just business as usual and then right before the friendzoning...



Shit like that completely throws them for a loop and in my game; things that throw girls for a loop makes them more attracted to me. I wonder how effective this is on a successful first date? What if you kissed her earlier in the night but then didn't hug her at the end? Shit has potential--for me in my game anyway..

[Alche]

I can tell you that by limiting her from seeing him, two things are going to happen.

Either, it's going to manifest in a different way and come back and bite you somehow.

Or.. she's just going to see him behind your back.

Let me tell you, i have been that guy on the other end before. She was in a long term relationship, same shit she was asian, he was a western. She was always seeking advice from me and in the end had sex with another dude and broke up with the boyfriend. She would say all the same shit about being incredibly loyal, yet would go on dates while he was away working and even had phone sex with me once. I never met her in person.

Want to know what she'll be doing now?

She's going to be talking about her frustrations with you to this guy on tinder.

Want to know why she wants to meet him?
Maybe you are limiting her in some way and this guy on tinder represents a freedom. Or maybe she sees him as a potential 'love of her life'.

You can keep seeing her, but i can tell you it's going to end bad.

[John Michael Kane]

The point of having a girlfriend is loyalty. You're loyal to her, and she's loyal to you. What's the point of having a serious relationship if you both don't equally invest in each other? Any sign on her part that she isn't fully invested is just proof that you need to end it.

Here's the possible options that are going down:

1. She's not loyal to you, and is fishing for new options.
2. She's loyal to you, but massively careless about the optics of this situation and doesn't care that she's inspiring dread and doubt into your relationship.

Either way, those are both damning features of a girl that is UNFIT for a relationship.

My original verdict still stands: NEXT!

[dallasguy]

Funny. Is this girl worth fighting for? Are you planning to marry her and have children? FFS dump her or use her as a plate.

[Resolute]

^

If VV is planning on marrying her or having children with her after a tenure as long as his on this forum, I seriously question his current mental state, and would advise him to seek immediate counseling with senior members here.

[AneroidOcean]

Why do you think you can change a girl, VincentVinturi?

Don't try to change a girl, find a girl who doesn't need much changing.

Have you read PapayaTapper's thread on whether a girl has the happy gene or not? THAT's the kind of girl you need to be looking for.

You mentioned that you had the "line in the sand" conversation with her before and she changed....for a grand total of the next week you hung out with her.

Big deal, that's not change, that's reeling you back in.

It's WAY easier to find a compliant/happy/submissive girl than it is failing to change an almost there but not really there, girl.

[Leonard D Neubache]

Should I read all four pages or is this hamster territory?

Generic advice. If there are ANY "ifs" then she is not LTR material. Full stop. End of story. Case closed. Why are we even talking about this any more? Go home, you are drunk!

Plate the bitch on the sly or next her.

[birthday cat]

(02-03-2017 12:05 PM)Malo Wrote:  

OP, what your girl is actually telling you and in no uncertain terms is "you don't fill up my world anymore, so I need attention from other guys".

So either you do what it takes to fill up her world again, or you next her. The choice is up to you.

I think it is what Malo said, or she is testing him, or both.

The idea that she is meeting the Tinder guy because she wants to leave VV or cheat on VV doesn't make sense because she lives in a different city from VV so she could easily meet Tinder guy without VV knowing. Her asking VV for permission and her predictable response (crying and apologizing profusely) suggests that she asked for permission because she wanted him to say no.

Some guys will probably say - "birthday cat, you are crazy, obviously he needs to next her." Maybe he does. That is his decision. However, I think it is worth trying to understand how women think and why they do what they do. Is that not one of the main purposes of this forum?

(02-04-2017 08:57 AM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  

Should I read all four pages or is this hamster territory?

Generic advice. If there are ANY "ifs" then she is not LTR material. Full stop. End of story. Case closed. Why are we even talking about this any more? Go home, you are drunk!

Plate the bitch on the sly or next her.

There are a lot of details and nuances that get discussed when guys bring real situations to the forum. VV is very detailed and honest which is why his threads get a lot of comments and add a lot of value to the forum.

Leonard D Neubache - when was the last time you nexted or plated a girl? What did you learn from that experience? Perhaps you could share something more valuable than generic advice for a thread that you haven't read.

[VincentVinturi]

^^^
Bday cat you've hit the mark.

She is a very attractive girl who has daily opportunities to cheat, no less because she works in a hotel servicing mostly foreigners in a touristy area.

Yes to my knowledge she's never done that.

(Although if you're read The Keylogger...)

She's stated on multiple occasions that the thought of being with another man makes her sick.

When she told me about wanting to meet that guy I told her no in so many words.

Then I broke it off with her.

She broke down in tears and pleaded with me, offered me all of her social media and messaging app passwords which I didn't ask for and have no intention of checking, messaged the dude and broke off contact with him for good, and also admitted that on some level she knew that the guy's intentions probably weren't strictly platonic.

I grilled her for a while trying to get a good sense of where her head was at and for now I'm satisfied that she was unconsciously testing me in a very naive and stupid way.

At this point I'm not nexting her because she's consistently shown a willingness to adapt and understand where I'm coming from.

I will however keep my options open (which has been the case anyway) and approach this relationship with a renewed sense of detachment.

She knows that I'm ready to walk if she fucks up, and I am.

[Resolute]

^

Jesus dude.

In 2 more months I bet we will see another thread about this girl. Hopefully by then you'll have the good sense and emotional courage to just drop her ass. She's manipulating you like a poor fool, and you're eating up the cat-nip she's giving you.

God help you if you marry this broad, because we certainly won't be able to.

Quote:

She already knows that I'm ready to walk if she fucks up, and I am.

Except that she doesn't, and you're not. She's fucked up at LEAST twice (that you've told the forum) and each time she cries and begs you to take her back and you do. How is it any different than the guy who gets drunk, gives his wife a shiner and then sobers up the next day and promises never to do it again? Answer: It isn't. Same shit. I'm REALLY good at lying to girls and appearing sincere when I want to be, and I don't have NEAR the practice an attractive female does. But it's obvious you're going to continue to ignore the council of your peers and walk your own path, which is fine, as a man you're entitled to do it, and I respect it, but please don't be surprised when you're coming back in a few months opening another thread about this chick, because I won't be.

[BetaNoMore]

I'm much less experienced with game than all of you on here but what I do know is that we as men tend to over-estimate our abilities and under-estimate a woman's ability in the domain of emotional and psychological warfare. We think that we're in control especially if the woman has a tearful break-down and is pleading for forgiveness. Do not be fooled though. These tears are a woman's weapon to control you especially when she has transgressed against you. You think you have the upper hand, but she has you by your balls and your soul, hook, line, and sinker.

Proceed with caution.

[VincentVinturi]

^^^
@Resolute

Appreciate your advice and concern brotha.

There are a lot of nuances to this situation that I didn't share.

This invites responses to a certain aspect of a situation based on the limited data provided.

I can certainly see how it would appear that I'm ignoring good counsel and I can sense that you're annoyed I'm not nexting her straight away.

But I consider ALL of the advice you and others so generously offer, I think about it, determine if and to what extent it applies to my specific situation, and then make a decision from my own center.

If it's the wrong one, so be it.

In regards to me not being able to let go of this, or any other girl, if a woman crosses the line I'm ruthless, don't you worry about that.

The purpose of my question is to determine where others feel that line to be, and compare my standards to that of the rest of the group.

It doesn't mean that if I act contrary to the prevailing sentiment that I'm "ignoring" everybody's contributions, please don't take it personally.

I can assure you that's not at all the case.

[Travesty]

And they lived happily ever after!

[Resolute]

VV,

You're your own man, and I respect your right to make your own decisions, regardless of advice given by myself or others.

I've been where you are, and I know where your path is going to lead. It's up to you to walk that path and find the destination yourself. As always, the forum will be still be here, even if some of us do give you a lot of shit for not listening the first time.

[XXL]

It's getting beyond ridiculous. I can't wrap my head around why anyone would want to break up with his girl just because she wants to meet up with someone. If that's a good reason to move on to you guys then I can guarantee that you will never form any relationship for real, girls make silly decisions all the time, it's on you to guide your girl what's good for her and what's not.

Look OP, she's a girl who seems to be head over heels in love with you. In her mind she really only wants to shoot the shit with him for 2 hours in some coffee shop. It's not like she's planning to cheat. So that's good. However how resistant she is to other guys' charm is a different story. You know what I mean, girls don't pick and choose guys they wanna fuck, they get seduced and carried away in the moment, usually with a help from booze. If she lets herself go [which I doubt a lot] then she'll mess up her chance to be with you.

You did the right thing by telling her what you think. She should respect your request. You can also go together there if she really wants it. Good compromise.

Guys are so afraid of confronting girls these days. Follow your own advice from your ebook.. "What do I want?". Do that.

[Rusplaya]

Best advice is to go fuck another woman.

and to op what you are doing is very beta and needy. I would of said to her sure babe go ahead meet the guy and while she left would of went to fuck other girls and if you would of showed her you care zero for her she would of never left to begin with.

[Leonard D Neubache]

(02-04-2017 11:44 AM)birthday cat Wrote:  

...

(02-04-2017 08:57 AM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  

Should I read all four pages or is this hamster territory?

Generic advice. If there are ANY "ifs" then she is not LTR material. Full stop. End of story. Case closed. Why are we even talking about this any more? Go home, you are drunk!

Plate the bitch on the sly or next her.

There are a lot of details and nuances that get discussed when guys bring real situations to the forum. VV is very detailed and honest which is why his threads get a lot of comments and add a lot of value to the forum.

Leonard D Neubache - when was the last time you nexted or plated a girl? What did you learn from that experience? Perhaps you could share something more valuable than generic advice for a thread that you haven't read.

And sometimes these threads are five pages of a guy asking for advice and then explaining why he's ignoring the advice. Obviously not the case in this instance. I was trying to be funny and obviously it fell flat.

As for my experience plating a girl, the fact I haven't done it recently is kind of the whole point. You won't find me starting threads asking "should I be worried about behaviour (x) from my wife?" because after dealing with this kind of bullshit from 16-26 (and thinking it was just the way things were in relationships) I found a woman who miraculously wasn't interested in social media and certainly wasn't interested in maintaining beta orbiters while I was dating her.

So my experience plating girls is not relevant to this. My experience finding an LTR that didn't involve these kinds perpetual hassles is what's relevant. I don't know the dating market in this guy's region. Maybe this chick is the "least worst option". But even if I found myself single tomorrow and taken the next day I can guarantee I wouldn't suffer sleepless nights wondering if my new girlfriend was building an escape raft from our relationship while pretending she loved the island life.

If I had any doubt about her I'd plate her or next her because I know that women with integrity and loyalty exist, and there's no point in starting a serious LTR with anyone that starts triggering warning lights on loyalty issues.

Our instincts are not often wrong. Where we routinely fuck up is when we start coming up with convoluted logic circuits to dismiss them.

But I'll read the rest of the thread and if I'm wrong on that I'll apologise.

[The Breeze]

This thread has caught my attention, as one I have had similar experience with.

As a fairly new member, with low post count, and zero rep.. I will most certainly
decline to offer any advice. What I will do is point out some things I see, such as
while we might all say, we would do this.. or do that in this situation.

When in reality, unless and until walking this very path, we do not KNOW what we
would do. Some might think they do, but this story has many very slight nuances,
that to Vinny's credit, he has chosen to share with us.

10 people reading this story, will "read it" in perhaps very different ways.

I have read enough of his other posts, and certainly his reputation within the community has already been proven. For learning purposes, perhaps many younger less experienced
posters, should take the "sponge method" here.. Be quiet, and learn from others?

My only warning to Vinny is this.. and I have no doubt he is well aware of these points.

He must lay things down as a man, which he has done. He also knows enough to watch how things progress from here. And lastly, I'm sure he knows he can OVER do things too.
Which invariably ends this relationship. It is a delicate balance.

He is his own man, as we all should be.. Allow him to shape things as he sees best.
Be thankful we all get a front row seat, to observe, to learn, and either to celebrate
his victory, or console his loss.

Peace,
The Breeze

[262]

Said it before but it bears repeating since folks seem to have forgotten:

It's a long distance relationship. She lives an hour away by plane.

Add that to your analyses.

[Il Bersagliere]

(02-01-2017 09:50 PM)VincentVinturi Wrote:  

I've got a girlfriend who met a guy on Tinder about a year (before we were together) and she's talked with him "as a friend" ever since.

He "understands" her and she can talk freely with him about all sorts of shit including me.

He's coming to Thailand and she wants to meet him in person "as a friend".

...

I explained to her that his intention is almost certainly to fuck her, and that all of the girls who had boyfriends whom I've met on the side were usually cheating on their boyfriends with me.

....

She assures me that's it strictly platonic and she just wants to meet with a guy she's been able to talk to about "everything".

....

And in a more general sense, do you think it's normal for a devoted girlfriend to have orbiters?

I feel like this guy is a vulture waiting for an opening or a break up.

Context: we live about an hour flight away from each other in Thailand.

Any advice appreciated.

1. He's probably already fucked her and looking for the layup since he'll be in town. No disrespect.
2. Distance yourself.
3. She's probably dropping this into your lap as leverage to get you to commit, whatever that means.
4. You're in Thailand, so maybe fire up Tinder or something? You probably already have some side stuff going, but still.

Damn, this pussy must be fire if you are jumping through hoops like this. Must be one of those hiso girls I keep hearing about.

[Leonard D Neubache]

(02-04-2017 08:49 PM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  

(02-04-2017 11:44 AM)birthday cat Wrote:  

...

(02-04-2017 08:57 AM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  

Should I read all four pages or is this hamster territory?

Generic advice. If there are ANY "ifs" then she is not LTR material. Full stop. End of story. Case closed. Why are we even talking about this any more? Go home, you are drunk!

Plate the bitch on the sly or next her.

There are a lot of details and nuances that get discussed when guys bring real situations to the forum. VV is very detailed and honest which is why his threads get a lot of comments and add a lot of value to the forum.

Leonard D Neubache - when was the last time you nexted or plated a girl? What did you learn from that experience? Perhaps you could share something more valuable than generic advice for a thread that you haven't read.

...
But I'll read the rest of the thread and if I'm wrong on that I'll apologise.

Nope. Doubling down.

Interesting side note. I completely glossed over the OP's post/rep count when I landed here. Certainly I don't want to be tossing shit on guys that have sowed more seed than John Deere, but sorry Mr Cat. I can't say my fly-by verdict on this matter led to an unreasonable conclusion.

In fact, when I see a situation like this being reported by a member with such a high rep I'm forced to wonder if this is some sort of a prank or a trap.

And while I'm on my soap box, here's another thing.

What is the difference in definition between having a long distance LTR + sideplate and having two plates?



Serious question. Do you walk out on sideplates as soon as you nut whereas you let the LTR rest her head on your manly chest for an hour before you get back on the plane?

[Rocha]

I have 4 LTR's running at the moment, if by that definition I can consider girls who I text and call regularly, then I jump on a plane, meet and bang them.

[Phoenix]

(02-05-2017 07:43 AM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  

In fact, when I see a situation like this being reported by a member with such a high rep I'm forced to wonder if this is some sort of a prank or a trap.

Perhaps you should read his rep sheet. He's not repped because he's Mr Romeo Cassanova Suave.

He's repped because of what a candid and free-spoken dude he is, on anything from online consulting to bringing his personal issues to the forum for advice.

Being plain condescending to dudes who are opening up themselves and their personal lives for help, even having their own face on the avatar, is just plain, well Aussie. Tuck it back in your pants, mate.

[Leonard D Neubache]

(02-05-2017 08:44 AM)Phoenix Wrote:  

(02-05-2017 07:43 AM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  

In fact, when I see a situation like this being reported by a member with such a high rep I'm forced to wonder if this is some sort of a prank or a trap.

Perhaps you should read his rep sheet. He's not repped because he's Mr Romeo Cassanova Suave.

He's repped because of what a candid and free-spoken dude he is, on anything from online consulting to bringing his personal issues to the forum for advice.

Being plain condescending to dudes who are opening up themselves and their personal lives for help, even having their own face on the avatar, is just plain, well Aussie. Tuck it back in your pants, mate.

Nah. Having a laugh is Aussie. Trolling you mates is Aussie. That's the reason for the suspicion. I merely thought he might have been having a good-hearted "lend" of us. There was no intention to infer malice.

Call it a cultural misunderstanding.