[wonderer1]

Hi Guys,

A lot of red flags for people are girls who have issues with their dads, bad relationships with them, I wanted to ask what the reason for his was?

My ex had a very bad relationship with her dad, they hated each other, she would have arguments with him and not care about him, I'm wondering if the way she acted in our relationship had anything to do with her relationship with her dad.

[TornadoByProxy]

It had absolutely everything to do with it. This is a "why is water wet" type of question. The most important man in every woman's life is her father. Of course that relationship will influence her entire life.

[El Triste]

How did she treat you? Give some back ground and I'll break your situation down as far as how to leverage these things to your advantage next time.

[wonderer1]

(01-07-2017 11:00 AM)El Triste Wrote:  

How did she treat you? Give some back ground and I'll break your situation down as far as how to leverage these things to your advantage next time.

First 3 months were great, she seemed quite attached, she would buy me gifts, say she couldn't sleep the day before seeing me, she would kino me heavily.

She then all of a sudden flipped on me and went cold, started insulting me, and burned me by saying she was with someone else, all a few days after above comments. She started to see someone else. After he left she came back to me. This lasted a couple of weeks before she decided she didnt want a relationship and wanted to keep it as friends.

Things that I wasnt aware of but found out later down the line:

-She has lots and lots of beta orbiters, constant need for validation, towards the end she would be on her phone lots while on dates with me.
- Massive attention whore, Big social media following, posts a lot on instagram, again need for validation and male attention?
-Openly admitted her emotions are up and down, had seen it myself as above
-Other guy she was with didnt trust her either, they would get into huge fights, she was probably seeing other people
-self esteem issues, wanted to get a nose job even though she was very good looking
-anxiety issues, she would drink alone at night to overcome this

Not sure if this helps, wanted to see what others thought about daddy issues girls and whether that personality fit her.

[TornadoByProxy]

Fits her perfectly. You seem to be aware of the issue and know what the signs are.

[NickDunne]

You are describing a borderline personality disorder which is exactly what a lot of women who grow up with a weak or nonexisting father figure get.

[wonderer1]

(01-07-2017 11:52 AM)NickDunne Wrote:  

You are describing a borderline personality disorder which is exactly what a lot of women who grow up with a weak or nonexisting father figure get.

I dont know much about BPD but read this:

"*DSM-IV-TR Diagnostic Criteria A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following: Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days). Chronic feelings of emptiness. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights). Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms."


I cant actually believe how well this fits her. This line struck me:

"Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment" I wonder what this means about an ex partner going NC on them? as this is a type of abandonment

[NickDunne]

There's a guy called Paul Elam. Find him on Youtube. He explains everything you need to know about BPD.

(Short version: stay the fuck away)

[Comte De St. Germain]

I love girls with daddy issues. There's no issues here for me.

[Turnus]

As someone who was married to someone for years with alot of these issues; be happy that you can call this young lady your Ex now

[wonderer1]

We also broke up 3 times in those 4 months, if there was something she slightly didnt like about what was happening she would end the relationship in an instant even though it seemed like she was very in love

[PapayaTapper]

(01-07-2017 10:20 AM)wonderer1 Wrote:  

Hi Guys,

A lot of red flags for people are girls who have issues with their dads, bad relationships with them, I wanted to ask what the reason for his was?

My ex had a very bad relationship with her dad, they hated each other, she would have arguments with him and not care about him, I'm wondering if the way she acted in our relationship had anything to do with her relationship with her dad.

Reading the above and subsequent posts this sounds more like histrionic personality disorder (HPD):

Histrionic Personality Disorder And What You Need To Know About It

Made my jaw drop when I first read about it (hence the thread)...It explains pretty much all of the toxic personalities Ive encountered in my life. The common threads are undeniable. See how many of the indicators / signs of HPD you recognize. Read and be aware!

[goodington]

If you're looking for a successful and healthy LTR, then it's definitely a problem. If you're looking for great sex and don't mind a little crazy, girls with daddy issues can be great fun.

[Atlanta Man]

Girls with daddy issues and BPD are great for sex, older men who like to fuck younger women half their age, and potential threesomes. Do not marry them, have long term relationships , or entangle yourself financially with them.

[Turnus]

^^^^
Sage advice, if only it were that easy not to get caught up in their tentacles.

[Deepdiver]

Great thread - think I just dodged a couple of these grenades...

[Atlanta Man]

(01-07-2017 02:46 PM)Turnus Wrote:  

^^^^
Sage advice, if only it were that easy not to get caught up in their tentacles.

The sex with these women is phenomenal. I will not bullshit you and pretend I am immune-it took multiple bad experiences with these types of women to learn that you have to separate emotion from sex. My best relationships were not with girls who were great in bed. My best sex was not with girls who were good relationship material.

Said by a BPD girl with daddy issues who was a HB9 and awesome in bed-"Atlanta man I fucked your best friend because I love you! He took advantage of how much I love you!!!"- Que the the tears and threatening to kill herself if I leave(This bitch fucked like her life depended on it and sucked dick like she had no teeth).

[El Triste]

While I can't make an official diagnosis seeing as Im not a mental health professional, I can
Say with confidence that she has strong narcissistic tendencies and borderline traits. Could be any number of diagnosis.

You say she argues with her dad and hates him. That means she hates all men by extension. It means she doesn't care when she hurts men or probably enjoys hurting men as revenge by proxy of what her dad has done
to her. Maybe that would explain why she's so
blunt about telling you she's seeing someone
else and all the other insulting shit.

Yet she still needs men for attention. This traps
her in a very bad place psychologically and emotionally. She hates men but needs them. She feels helpless and asserts her power and self image through abuse and discarding men.
It's her way of getting back at dad.

She's insecure about her nose? Interesting. Perhaps she thinks the reason she can't keep a relationship going with a worthy guy is only because of this one physical defect, and anyone who would dare stay with such a foul and hideous creature such as herself is a loser who can't do better.

She seems to swing from high self esteem and
Confidence to low self esteem and self hatred.
This is common in NPD and BPD, with BPD being the more chaotic variant. She seems to me like she may actually have both of these disorders, which most BPDs tend to have. Plus she has some antisocial traits. She can be callous and tactless it sounds like and highly manipulative.

All in all, the rough profile I come up with which is a self hating, emotionally immature, fearful,
malicious, insecure, attention seeking, shallow seductive and easily bored individual who has no respect for the feelings of others. She's completely dependent on that which she loathes (men) for her self image and her vindication. She wishes to attach herself to one ideal mate but she becomes bored once she
knows for sure that she has you. Once she
finds out you are human, that you require maintenence and have emotional needs, she quickly discards you due to her own fears of real intimacy (which would require her to truly attach herself to you, which to her is too much to handle, because if you leave she will be destroyed). It's basically a mix of knowing she has you and preferring to abandon YOU while she still does, before you abandon HER before she truly invests in you, and having extracted what she needed from you (feeding her ego) she no longer needs you. She rationalizes all this in her mind as something being wrong with YOU and that's why she's leaving.

Basically, for the future you keep control in these situations by always leaving and only sticking around for sex. If she makes an issue about just tell them "hey we have fun right? So stop tripping about it and let's fuck" and usually they will be good fuck buddies that will try their hardest to seduce you into a relationship using all kinds of designs. What you have to do is simply make it seem like the key to relationship with you is for her to open up sexually and do whatever you want. Treat her like a whore, slut her out and leave. Always be the first to leave and only stick around after sex if shes making the pussy accessible and available all night, as much as you want. Then leave ASAP. Of course give her glimmers of hope of a relationship etc etc but don't full on go boyfriend mode on her. Limit affection and show her that one foot is always out the door.
The impression she should get when you come see her is that you're taking time out to see her but it can end anytime, because there are forces beyond HER and your control that
are pulling you away from her. Hit and run is how you keep yourself well and maintain control. Also, when she pulls away the sex Just bounce for good. No contact.

[wonderer1]

(01-07-2017 03:42 PM)El Triste Wrote:  

While I can't make an official diagnosis seeing as Im not a mental health professional, I can
Say with confidence that she has strong narcissistic tendencies and borderline traits. Could be any number of diagnosis.

You say she argues with her dad and hates him. That means she hates all men by extension. It means she doesn't care when she hurts men or probably enjoys hurting men as revenge by proxy of what her dad has done
to her. Maybe that would explain why she's so
blunt about telling you she's seeing someone
else and all the other insulting shit.

Yet she still needs men for attention. This traps
her in a very bad place psychologically and emotionally. She hates men but needs them. She feels helpless and asserts her power and self image through abuse and discarding men.
It's her way of getting back at dad.

She's insecure about her nose? Interesting. Perhaps she thinks the reason she can't keep a relationship going with a worthy guy is only because of this one physical defect, and anyone who would dare stay with such a foul and hideous creature such as herself is a loser who can't do better.

She seems to swing from high self esteem and
Confidence to low self esteem and self hatred.
This is common in NPD and BPD, with BPD being the more chaotic variant. She seems to me like she may actually have both of these disorders, which most BPDs tend to have. Plus she has some antisocial traits. She can be callous and tactless it sounds like and highly manipulative.

All in all, the rough profile I come up with which is a self hating, emotionally immature, fearful,
malicious, insecure, attention seeking, shallow seductive and easily bored individual who has no respect for the feelings of others. She's completely dependent on that which she loathes (men) for her self image and her vindication. She wishes to attach herself to one ideal mate but she becomes bored once she
knows for sure that she has you. Once she
finds out you are human, that you require maintenence and have emotional needs, she quickly discards you due to her own fears of real intimacy (which would require her to truly attach herself to you, which to her is too much to handle, because if you leave she will be destroyed). It's basically a mix of knowing she has you and preferring to abandon YOU while she still does, before you abandon HER before she truly invests in you, and having extracted what she needed from you (feeding her ego) she no longer needs you. She rationalizes all this in her mind as something being wrong with YOU and that's why she's leaving.

Basically, for the future you keep control in these situations by always leaving and only sticking around for sex. If she makes an issue about just tell them "hey we have fun right? So stop tripping about it and let's fuck" and usually they will be good fuck buddies that will try their hardest to seduce you into a relationship using all kinds of designs. What you have to do is simply make it seem like the key to relationship with you is for her to open up sexually and do whatever you want. Treat her like a whore, slut her out and leave. Always be the first to leave and only stick around after sex if shes making the pussy accessible and available all night, as much as you want. Then leave ASAP. Of course give her glimmers of hope of a relationship etc etc but don't full on go boyfriend mode on her. Limit affection and show her that one foot is always out the door.
The impression she should get when you come see her is that you're taking time out to see her but it can end anytime, because there are forces beyond HER and your control that
are pulling you away from her. Hit and run is how you keep yourself well and maintain control. Also, when she pulls away the sex Just bounce for good. No contact.

Incredible analysis thank you. We got back together a month ago and I tried to be different than how I was before, being more beta and more relationshippy, this lasted 2 weeks rather than the 3 months before, goes with what you said about her knowing she could have me, thinking it could go somewhere more and so ending it.

She still wanted me in her life and said we should be friends, I went NC, been NC for 3 weeks, shes tried to reach out some breadcrumbs about happy NYE, if she reaches out again I definitely want to try and get her to FWB status. I am spinning another plate, working on more.

Thank you

[El Triste]

No problem and you're welcome.

Let us know what happens.

[FireStarter]

(01-07-2017 08:25 PM)wonderer1 Wrote:  

if she reaches out again I definitely want to try and get her to FWB status.

No, I don't believe you can do that based on what you've written in this thread.

So far in this thread people have been quick to talk about this girls faults, they're not wrong, sounds like she has some serious issues. But her craziness is a minor point when we look at your actions. Not only did you take her back after you broke up, you also took her back after she had sex with another man.

She brought pain and drama into your life, how did you respond to this? By rewarding her for it. She can hide her craziness for a while but once you find out and continue to let her treat you like crap, it's 100% your fault.

Take responsibility for your part in this or it's going to keep happening.

[El Triste]

This is true and I'm glad you spoke on it. I was going to but I want him to keep going back and learn his lessons.

Lessons being that he has to walk whenever he is disrespected and that it's a win either way.
Either she chases him and he can set his terms and has the power back for now or she ditches him forever and he's rid of a problem.

Either way, it's a basic of basics lessons that you don't treat a hoe like a housewife.

[XPQ22]

If a girl says she didn't have a great childhood, but isn't a chronic smartphone addict/validation whore/social media junkie, I'm willing to give her a shot.

The bad relationship with father/lousy childhood isn't the red flag. Shit, who didn't have a lousy childhood. Girls who say they came from a model family scare me more because I start thinking about the Stepford Wives and wondering if they're all androids.

It's whether she dealt with the experience in a healthy fashion and maybe got successful therapy, or dyed her hair blue, got twelve tattoos and became an Instagram "model" as "therapy."

(01-07-2017 11:38 AM)wonderer1 Wrote:  

-She has lots and lots of beta orbiters, constant need for validation, towards the end she would be on her phone lots while on dates with me.

The main girl I'm seeing now doesn't use social media much, at least not that much more than the average American, as far as I can tell. But gee whiz, she certainly knows enough to not whip her phone out when she's on a date with me unless it's an emergency or we need to look up a restaurant menu or movie time, because she knows sure as anything I would be up and driving home in 5 seconds if she started texting randos while we were together. Whatever happened to "frame"?

Conversely, I saw some flock-of-seagulls looking kid texting another girl on his phone at the club while his drunken main girl hung all over him and tried to get him to pay attention to her. Some might call this good game, but I just see a couple weirdos - these smartphone addict kids are fucked in the head, I tell ya. Get off my lawn!

[DimeBait]

MY LTR had hidden BPD and issues with her father. She wasn't an attention whore and appeared to be a god-send externally. The problem is, once you're emotionally vested is when the manifestation of father issues will emerge.
Everyone has problems, however, oftentimes we tend to overlook the redflags because we subconsciously choose to. I'm sure I did

[Baphomet]

(01-07-2017 11:38 AM)wonderer1 Wrote:  

She then all of a sudden flipped on me and went cold, started insulting me, and burned me by saying she was with someone else, all a few days after above comments. She started to see someone else. After he left she came back to me. This lasted a couple of weeks before she decided she didnt want a relationship and wanted to keep it as friends.

Things that I wasnt aware of but found out later down the line:

-She has lots and lots of beta orbiters, constant need for validation, towards the end she would be on her phone lots while on dates with me.
- Massive attention whore, Big social media following, posts a lot on instagram, again need for validation and male attention?
-Openly admitted her emotions are up and down, had seen it myself as above
-Other guy she was with didnt trust her either, they would get into huge fights, she was probably seeing other people

So, she cheated on you, and other guys, continually disrespected you, and you took her back.

Brother, I'm not sure that the MOST SERIOUS problem is with HER.