Quote: (12-05-2016 01:28 PM)SilentMajority Wrote:
They tend to pop up at times when I'm round. Obviously when she's at mine, she doesn't bring them, but on occasions when I'm hers, it's their home, so naturally the kids are there.
Appreciate the concerns, however this chick isn't part of my long term game plan.
Quote: (12-07-2016 09:50 AM)SilentMajority Wrote:
I'm not really interested in being a provider, I'm there for the bang and the fantastic meals she makes, without too many questions or demands. I think the most demanding thing she has done was ask me to grab some cigarettes on the way to hers once, that's about it. I just see the kid's behavior as an inconvenience / minor irritation and wanted to see what the more experienced guys have experienced in this regard and how it's been dealt with.
Ok. First off, I know where you're coming from. I've "seen" three divorced chicks with each two kids. One was only for a few weeks, the other for a few months, the other for over a year.
For a few weeks chick: I would go over to her house after her kids went to bed and we would fuck. I mean, she wasn't blowing me the second I took my coat off, but "spending time together" meant fucking then leaving around midnight, or if it was during the weekend sans kids we'd grab breakfast the next morning. She tried cornering me with exclusivity and I balked...bye bye.
I never met the kids.
For a few months chick: Friend of friends and she lived out of town. I never went to her place. She'd come over and we'd fuck. She asked me to help out with one of the kid's little league teams. To give you my reaction..."What?" bewildered fantastical pity expression. It was so far out of my reality that I would ever help her kid's little league, much less want to ever be around them.
I never met the kids.
For the over a year chick: It took some serious soul searching to see her that long. The kids were a little older and I met the them quite a few times, though not until we were at least 6 months in. Even then, I wasn't meeting them as her new guy. She lived in the same neighborhood as a friend of mine with same aged kids, so I was simply interacting as a friend of a friend. After a while they started understanding I was more than that, but even at the end,
I avoided most interaction with the kids. And when I did interact, I never portrayed any type of a responsible person to them (provider type).
Don't be the kind of guy who wants to spend time with her kids...so much so that you're the kind of guy she wouldn't even want/expect to spend time with her kids.
The dynamic consists of two things going on:
- You're offering too much of a provider vibe. Think provider = responsible = relationship = good with kids guy. Don't get me wrong, you're probably good with kids (it's not that tough). But be good with your cousins and siblings and nieces and nephews (all family), don't be good with some chicks kids you'll never see again. Be good with your own kids. On those very rare occasions where you have to interact briefly, be apathetic and nonreactive. If they annoy you, wait out in the car until she's ready to go. Don't eat family dinner with them. Even my long-term MILF I dated, I'd never have family dinner with them, and **she'd never think to ask me to**. These are merely tactics.
- To continue that last thought though, if she is pushing her kids on you, she'll probably get pissed and drop you if you're avoiding them. At least for me, I could see how waiting outside in the car for her instead of interacting with her kids would really piss her off, which would simply cause me to move on organically.
Don't be another guy who acts all relationshippy and father-figure like and then never sees them again. It's your job as a man not to be honest about yourself and your relationships, especially with young skulls full of mush.
(This is merely how I conduct myself. You could be the guy who gets to know the kids and spends time with them and then abandons them. That takes a certain level of either zero emotional control or complete don't give a fuckedness. I respect the guy who has that. I don't envy it, but I respect it on a certain level.)