[pinguino]

I'm not very experienced when it comes to my game, I mainly do club/social circle game at night, and even though I very often get some success, getting a girl home is something that has escaped me for a while. I've heard about and seen several of my friends do it, and I'm always amazed about what they tell, they make it look and sound so easy.

Therefore, what happened last weekend, getting a girl home, was a huge step forward for me. However, it has bugged me ever since that we didn't have sex, something I really wanted that night. Fair enough that she didn't want it, but I keep wondering what I could do to arouse her.

I walk into the club at around midnight and within minutes I meet an attractive girl and her friend. I dance with this girl, and within a couple of minutes we're making out. We go on making out on and off the dance floor for about an hour, her hands are all over my body and she clearly enjoys my company.

We then leave the place, walking hand in hand. I of course walk in the direction of my place. The vibe changed once we got out and the music turned off, we had some nice, interesting conversations, but from what I remember we didn't kiss after leaving the club. I thought that I could escalate the vibe as soon as we got to my place.

After walking for a while, I "realise" that her place is not the same direction as me. I suggest that we take the 10 min cab-ride to my place. She agrees, and I get really excited, thinking that this is going to be it. When we get in the cab, she sits down at the opposite side of the backseat from me, leaning towards the door. We chat a little with eachother and the cab driver, I thought that escalating in the cab wouldn't be the best bet.

Cab drops us off at my place, we go in. I ask if she wants some water. She drinks several glasses of water, and then while I'm in the bathroom, she undresses (down to her underwear and bra) and gets in bed. I turn of the light, thinking that I'm now going to try to escalate in the dark. She lies down with her head turned towards the wall, and I lay down behind her in a spooning position. I grab her hand, she grabs mine, and I begin caressing her head, neck and body with my other hand. She doesn't turn around, soon falls asleep and out of fear I'm not more persistent because you often hear about date rapes being committed in situations like these.

The next morning, when we wake up, we talk a little about what happened the night before, I try to seduce her yet again, but with no success. We eat breakfast together, and I play it cool throughout the entire encounter, careful to not show my disappointment, before we hug and she leaves.

She probably wasn't DTF that night, something that I of course fully respect, but I strongly believe that I had a chance to have sex with her that I flunked. I probably didn't escalate enough after leaving the club. Does anyone have any advice when it comes to escalating after leaving the place, and when you get home?

tl;dr: I took a girl home after an intense make out-session, we slept in the same bed, but we didn't have sex. Where did I go wrong? (if I did)

[Windom Earle]

My advice, grow some balls and be more sexual. She didn't turn around? Turn her around!

I understand your reluctance in escalating, but unless you're a social spastic, you should be adept in identifying cues to go forward sexually (or ceasing if things go sour).

[Sikh Warrior]

Be more aggressive. Rather than asking or being gentle, you should have just done what you wanted to. If you wanted to escalate, you should have just grabbed her, kissed her, and kept going on from there. If she did not want you to do that, the worst case scenario is that she would have left. You just have to keep trying if that happens.

[younggun]

In my experience a girl wouldn't come to your place, strip down, and crash in your bed if she didn't want to have sex. Gotta push the envelope from the sounds of it you didn't even try.

Also concerning date rapes you're over thinking it. I'm not saying it can't happen but with a ONS the odds of a girl actually going through the legal process to fuck you over are next to nothing. Live your life.

[Comte De St. Germain]

First mistake:

Post in the newbie forum

Second mistake:

If the vibe wasn't sexual initially you're going to be used for entertainment and strung along.

Third mistake:

You let her control the frame of the interaction. That make out session was her reward to you for giving her a place to crash. You should have stopped humoring her by freezing her out("I'm not feeling it. Going out for a smoke.") and just acting disinterested. No woman wants to feel unwanted sexually.

[John_Galt]

This is what happens when men are told they need "affirmative consent" to escalate.

A few things you could have done differently:

1. Kept the interaction sexual from leaving the club. Kissing, flirting, touching the small of her back, etc.

2. You could have offered her another drink. A nice wine sets the mood. Better than water.

3. When a girl strips down and jumps in your bed, she wants to fuck. But most women aren't going to initiate it. You should have just turned her head towards you, kissed her deeply, and rubbed your dick against her ass. She would have gotten horny and turned around, then you escalate like normal.

Next time, be more aggressive. Unless you have Aspergers, you'll know if she wants you to slow down.

[brick tamland]

What these guys said.

Be more bold. Do whatever you felt like doing to turn her on. Remember she felt comfortable around you, that's why she stripped by herself. I suspect that the mood wasn't as carefree after leaving the club. Were there awkward silences? Were you tense and eager? Having a conversation was fine but keep it light.
The key was to make the transition from club to your bed as seamless as possible, while keeping the sexual mood going.

better luck next time.

[General Mayhem]

I think you fucked up when you started breaking out the water.

If she isn't crawling all over you already have a nightcap in the kitchen while you re-evaluate the situation, make adjustments as necessary.

[WestIndianArchie]

TL DR : You didn't build any trust before you got to your place. That's why she froze up.

You heated her up all night with all that pda, and then she jumped on the pull , in a mind state of lust.

As you get closer to your spot, she cools down, this is going to happen, the chick realizes that she's about to get fucked. But who the fuck is this guy?

So she shuts down. She stopped engaging with you, it's a defense mechanism. Falling asleep in a strange bed is a weird thing to do, but remember that depressed people sleep a lot to escape problems. It's a normal way to escape.

Within the brain, life is defined, reality is negotiated. Turning your brain off is a way to deal with stuff you don't want to deal with.

At your current skill level, you did the right thing and not try to cajole her into fucking.

1. Chill with all that pda. That's a frat boy mistake

2. Build trust - move her around the club, meet her friends, talk to strangers, make a stop between your place and the venue. She needs to see you're a cool dude and normal.

3. Give her plausible deniability -

we're not going to do anything, just make out and chill.

Might have to kick you out, I got work in the morning.

(I keep my work clothes on a hanger on my door, not in my closet. It's more convenient for me, but i bet that it shows my basic life. And my life is basic, not epic)

For me, not doing the trust stuff, or making her so hot before hand means i need to bang her then and there AT THE CLUB. You young guys can do that. Lemme rephrase, that's not my style. "Cause if I fucked her once... "© Schoolboy Q.

Doing it this way, based on the idea that a chick is down 15 minutes after you are - I get her crawling over me (why don't these bitches ask me for consent! Fellas, I may have been raped), or enthusiastic consent from her.

And from there it's two steps forward, one step back to drive her crazy in a safe, non judgmental, chill environment. So she feels free to let loose. She wants to be this disgusting whore and do all sorts of depraved stuff, if she can feel good about it afterwards.

Young girls, inexperienced women, conservative girls - it's not that they don't find you fuckable, but your task is to not just get them hot, but make it easy to express themselves. That's all trust.

Super hot girls need comfort/trust and discretion, but the comfort you need to give the typical hot chick is that you're not going to be all up on her after the bang.

A regular cute girl needs to trust that you won't dog her out and feel like a slut, and the really hot chick doesn't want to feel like she made a mistake by letting you into her, and into her life.

Intermediate guys and vets could probably do some head work that gets at a chicks mental state on a pull going sideways, but for new guys building the trust, plausible deniability, two steps forward - those should be your go tos.

WIA

[crispytaco]

Is interesting that the same thing happened to me. Well she didn't strip, just goes in my bed at 4 am. I had wine and whiskey in my place. I could see she was very tired and sleepy.

I went to sleep too. Next morning I was in a good mood, like if I don't care. Started escalating and suddenly when she was getting hot, I left to do something else. Offered booze and I told her "Hey I'll get you something to eat, get a shower in the mean time" .

She gets out of the bathroom, with yoga pants, I went straight to her while walking, hug, kiss, while grabbing her ass under the pants, no talking... and bang...

Next time check logistics, have some drinks, don't act desperate, but most important, don't worry about her, go for the next and you'll do it better, cheer up!

[WestIndianArchie]

(10-17-2016 01:12 PM)crispytaco Wrote:  

Is interesting that the same thing happened to me. Well she didn't strip, just goes in my bed at 4 am. I had wine and whiskey in my place. I could see she was very tired and sleepy.

I went to sleep too. Next morning I was in a good mood, like if I don't care. Started escalating and suddenly when she was getting hot, I left to do something else. Offered booze and I told her "Hey I'll get you something to eat, get a shower in the mean time" .

She gets out of the bathroom, with yoga pants, I went straight to her while walking, hug, kiss, while grabbing her ass under the pants, no talking... and bang...

Next time check logistics, have some drinks, don't act desperate, but most important, don't worry about her, go for the next and you'll do it better, cheer up!

Good stuff homie!

WIA

[Jagnum]

In the cab these days, I've been placing my hand on her thigh, about halfway up. Not too high, not too low.

We guys think it's all tits and ass, but for girls the inner thigh is a very sensitive area. Let your hand sit there.

As WIA mentioned, she's "cooling down" as soon as you leave the club. Warm her back up.

Don't worry. We've all been there. At least you got her back to your bed and she took her clothes off, that's pretty good right there.

[Merenguero]

O.P., when she strips down to her bra and underware, it's then your job to either strip down to your underware or strip completely. Don't worry. I'm not so sure that in world history any guy ever got charged with indecent exposure by a girl who was in her bra and underware. At that point, ask her to take her bra off. I'm not a patient guy, so if she said no, which has never happened to me at that point, I would probably just go to sleep. If she takes off the bra, spend a minute or so with your mouth on her tits, then ask her to take her underware off. Do the same thing down below, then put the condom on and proceed. Again, if she refused any of this, I would just go to sleep, then talk to her in the morning.

[RatInTheWoods]

As others have said, I think you lost this in the cooldown phase, and you played it well by being cool.

You will get the bang next time because you have earned a lot of trust.

I'd caution against being "more aggressive" as others have said, because you loose the sure fire bang next visit (and potential loads more after), and also run the risk of being an asshole at best, or charged with rape at worst.

[AneroidOcean]

My personal strategy, breath (not like a mouth-breather you cro-magnon) on their neck, kiss their neck, ears, etc... and maybe bit their shoulder some while touching them all over but NOT directly on their tits or pussy. Get hard against their ass and press yourself into them so they can feel you.

Then when she's starting to breathe hard you can get closer to her tits/pussy and a money move is putting your arm up between her breasts to turn her head towards you so your mouths can meet in a deep kiss (while the rest of her is mostly turned away from you. Usually they turn the rest of the way around from this point forward and if you can't figure out the next steps you're pretty lost.

[John_Galt]

Gotta disagree with you RatInTheWoods.

OP will never hear from this chick again. I guarantee it.

In the modern dating market, you have one shot to seal the deal. Miss it, and it's gone forever.

Hell, sometimes even sealing the deal is a one time thing. Just the way things are in the US these days.

[showtime07]

I agree with others, that you lost her in the cool down period. Personally, I would have kept the heat on in the cab. Also, once back to your place, I would have tried to keep the mood going with another drink, low lighting, and turned on some music (both to set the mood, and also to keep her awake).

Once she stripped down, I would have lost my clothes too, and then start to make out with her and push for the bang. At that point, she's likely to either say something like, "What are you doing?", or "We're not having sex." (LMR), or she would grab or suck your cock and gotten more turned on.

You did the right thing by not pursuing once she passed out. Assuming she passed out due to alcohol, the risk of attempting to fuck her at that point is just too high, at least for me.

If you couldn't get her back in the mood in the morning, then as others have said, you likely won't ever hear from her again.

Don't look at the experience as a failure. On the contrary, look at how much you learned from the experience. You should also have a confidence boost from simply being able to pull a girl, which is a lot more than a lot of guys can do.

Next.

[elRey]

Occasionally I have brought girls home, even sitting on my bed, and not got with them.

In the end it came down to weak game, often getting too deep/interesting conversation with them and that putting me into a frame a mind where escalating hard did not feel comfortable.

I was treating them like a normal person, and the sexual attitude which I am perfectly comfortable switching on most of the time would have been totally incongruent with the vibe.

Each time, I did manage to switch it on, making out with them on the couch/bed soon after.

But the encounter was too far gone. It didn't fit the mood we were in, and just biting the bullet and escalating hard did not work to turn her on.

At least when they left I hug closed.

[WestIndianArchie]

(10-20-2016 06:04 AM)elRey Wrote:  

In the end it came down to weak game,

Yes, but not in the way you mean.
From your late description, what YOU think you need is to have this killer instinct the entire time.

To an extent, that's sort of right. But not exactly right.

The idea that you cannot switch gears is IN YOUR HEAD. Not hers.

The words, the conversation, can be about anything. It's the vibe and the body language that's more important to making the moves.

You can say the Lord's prayer together, and have her repeat "trespass against us", and claim that she's saying it "that way" to distract you.

The killer instinct here is not the interesting conversation, but you're using that as an excuse to not escalate.

You can literally have a discussion about affirmative consent with the right eye contact, voice, and touch. You can mock her with it, tell her that your silence during a kiss doesn't mean you consented to a French kiss.

Part of the issue - you're not giving yourself permission, and you're stuck in thinking about the end game in one particular way. All these alpha doms got new guys thinking that she has to be taken hard and fast. I prefer to be deliberate and methodical.

Change your mindset, or give yourself permission

WIA

[BigTony]

(10-16-2016 04:06 PM)pinguino Wrote:  

Where did I go wrong? (if I did)

I'm a nice guy but there is no way I could allow an attractive woman to strip down to her bra and panties in my bed and not get something out of the deal.

If I were in your situation, I would've made my move in the cab. I would be aggressive and hold her hand, tell her to move closer to me and then put my arm around her. From there, I would begin kissing her on the cheek and then move to the lips. If she responds well, my hands would find their way to her breasts. This in turn leads to her hand grabbing your package.

Once you get to the apartment, there is no doubt that you will be stabbing her within a few minutes.

Being that she stripped down in front of a total stranger, my spidey senses tell me that she has been stabbed by a lot of guys from the club before. She also turned her back on you and was able to fall asleep right away. She had no fear that you might assault her. This tells me that she is accustomed to this practice.

Next time, be more aggressive.

[XPQ22]

(10-21-2016 01:34 AM)BigTony Wrote:  

Next time, be more aggressive.

Exacto. To most guys who pose the question "I got her home, but she wasn't into sex! What happened?" I'd ask:

Was the vibe sexual throughout the date? Did you like, talk to her about sex/relationships at any point? Like, if she's into you and not opposed to escalation, it's OK if you do! There ain't no law says you can't. In fact it's a good thing, because then you find out what her needs are. That's important.

If you're thinking about pulling a girl home you should be able to answer some questions before you ever hit the front door. What's she like in a guy? What kind of relationships has she been in? What are her hopes/dreams/desires? What's she doing making out with random guys at the club, and not home with her boyfriend for, anyway?

If you're unable to answer these questions, well...what makes you think your sure thing is really even in the cards?

So what were the "interesting conversations" about after you left the club? I know for my part even if I manage to take a girl home who's into me, I can't really play Polite Mr. Nice Guy the whole time and then turn into a wolf behind closed doors - it's going to come off as incogruent. You don't have to be an animal the whole time, but you really do have to keep it somewhat sexual. You can't go from glomping around on the dance floor to a half hour of chit chat about the weather and keep it alive.

In OP's defense, though, whatever mistakes he may have made, yeah a girl who strips down to her underwear and then hits the light as if she's crashing for the night at my place like it's her own personal AirBNB is fucking with me. Great, now I gotta figure out how to throw this half-naked drunk girl out and get her home safely, because if she manages to fall down an elevator shaft it's gonna be on me (and a very bad experience for her.)

That's why I don't really like bringing girls home that I don't know well. Girls who want to take you back to their place are generally much more with it; only once did a girl do the "I'm tired I just want to go to sleep" stuff after inviting me to hers. And at the very least whatever situation I encounter, I have all the time in the world to sit around and consider how I want to play things, at least until she kicks me out. So far, I've also only been asked politely to leave once, and in this day and age I immediately do as I'm told. If she's too cold I'm perfectly capable of showing myself out.

[Latan]

Solid advices in this threat.
Thanks, always useful.

[natas305]

Shout out to this thread because last night this girl was putting up a lot of shields, but she ended up in my bed. I thought of this thread and was motivated to do my damn best to avoid this thread happening to me too, as she was trying to lay next to me with her clothes on. I got much more aggressive and forward with her and she suddenly let the shields down so I could get the notch.

The advice about keeping things more sexual and being aggressive is absolutely on point.

[BigL]

Interactions have their ups and downs. When it's going down try to build rapport, when its going up, escalate. Now, that is not some kind of rule just an orientation. Attraction is already there, just don't do things that can lose it. And all that making out and giving validation is a way to lose attraction.

And when she is in your bed, just be more aggressive. Turn her to yourself, escalate. That is the first lesson you need to get out of this. Escalate sexually and don't be afraid of it.

[xmlenigma]

(10-19-2016 02:49 AM)AneroidOcean Wrote:  

My personal strategy, breath (not like a mouth-breather you cro-magnon) on their neck, kiss their neck, ears, etc... and maybe bit their shoulder some while touching them all over but NOT directly on their tits or pussy. Get hard against their ass and press yourself into them so they can feel you.

Then when she's starting to breathe hard you can get closer to her tits/pussy and a money move is putting your arm up between her breasts to turn her head towards you so your mouths can meet in a deep kiss (while the rest of her is mostly turned away from you. Usually they turn the rest of the way around from this point forward and if you can't figure out the next steps you're pretty lost.

This. Especially if she's already in bed with you in undies..

Hell, she wants to SLEEP, but she wants a nice SEDUCTIVE NIGHT, an ORGASM and AFTER GLOW sleep.. and fresh wake up... people sleep deeper after a nice bang night..