[Lex S.]

I've decided to stop "shitting where I eat", or using social proof as a part of a group in order to meet women. I've had way too much drama occur recently from dating a girl in my extended social circle who I was introduced to through mutual friends and I've decided it's less of a headache to meet complete strangers that you have no prior attachments to.

I read a lot of relationship horror stories, and I've found that the most cringe-worthy tales always begin with a guy meeting a girl through a friend/work/church/etc. One of the worst stories I ever heard was a guy who began dating the girl who lived in the apartment next to his. The relationship turned to shit, then he had to see her several times a day after they split and was tormented by it. Now maybe these guys just happened to meet their "soulmates" through these various social groups. But in my opinion they just got together out of convenience/proximity. And the reason why the relationships turned to such shit and made these guys miserable is because these guys have no game, which is evidenced in the fact that the only way they could meet girls was to shit where they eat.

Yes, I said it. If you have to rely on flirting with interns at your job and nothing else, you have no game. And how do I know this? Because when I had no game I would flirt with interns at my job and absolutely no one else. They said hello to me every morning and would get me coffee, they must want the D, right? I mean, yeah, it's their job to get me coffee. But still, they got me coffee!!!11!1!11! I would also never approach girls in bars, but if there was a girl that tagged along with us I'd be hitting on her non-stop just because it was easier to talk to her due to social proof and less scary than approaching a stranger.

The pros of using social proof in a group are many: You're preselected, so girls will be more receptive to you. If your friends are cool with you and the girl then they'll actually work to help you get together. You probably also have a lot in common knowing the same people, so that will help build comfort and rapport.

But there are also many downsides: Your friends will constantly be in your business. If things go bad between you and the girl then she can't disappear back into the ether, you'll probably see her all the time. Hell, if you date a co-worker then you'll have to see her every day after the break-up. Someone you know could begin dating said ex and you'll have to bare witness to everything. Sucks if the wounds are still fresh, too.

So I'm curious to see what you guys think about using real-life social networks to meet women as opposed to going out and approaching strangers. Do you use both methods? One over the other?

[eatthishomie]

Strict DSWYE at work. Girls at work don't have vaginas as far as I'm concerned.

Social circles, maybe - but use caution for the reasons you described.

[SudoRoot]

I have sworn to never strike up something sexually with a Girl, that has direct Connection to my work and/or social circle. This bring nothing but Trouble in my opinion. You said it yourself: Guy who can actually cold Approach shouldn't rely on social proof and "warm" approaches. So I choose Cold Approach over incest anytime, because:

-Meeting and conquering completely new Girls is 10x rewarding
-invading foreign social Groups/circles is fun as hell
-Girls are unpredictable and she can cause way less damage, when shes not related to your immediate Environment.
-I would have to rely on Chance, in order to get new women in my life

Gaming Girls in your social circle might be easier and feel safer, but it is BY NO MEANS wort the potential Trouble afterwards.

[Vincent Chase]

I view Don't Shit Where You Eat as work only.

Anything outside of work is fair game. In fact you'll be missing out massively if you apply it to social circles, school, church etc.

Where the fuck will you plan to meet girls then the nunnery?

If you split up with a girl from a close social circle she'll do her best to avoid you anyway.

Seriously who gives a fuck, we're not in high school anymore and are fully grown adults.

Do not be phased by drama.

If you don't approach in your social circle, university, social gatherings etc you will not be shitting where you eat you'll be shitting on yourself.

[Lex S.]

(03-02-2016 12:34 PM)SudoRoot Wrote:  

I have sworn to never strike up something sexually with a Girl, that has direct Connection to my work and/or social circle. This bring nothing but Trouble in my opinion. You said it yourself: Guy who can actually cold Approach shouldn't rely on social proof and "warm" approaches. So I choose Cold Approach over incest anytime, because:

-Meeting and conquering completely new Girls is 10x rewarding
-invading foreign social Groups/circles is fun as hell
-Girls are unpredictable and she can cause way less damage, when shes not related to your immediate Environment.
-I would have to rely on Chance, in order to get new women in my life

Gaming Girls in your social circle might be easier and feel safer, but it is BY NO MEANS wort the potential Trouble afterwards.

I agree on all points. My big thing is being able to walk away in a clean break if things end badly. You can't do this if you're dating your friend's sister or someone you work with. It also goes against abundance mentality - If you're a stud with good game you should be able to pull a girl from anywhere, right? So why do you have to focus on someone you pretty much already know? What if there are better girls out there?

In an extreme example, I saw a video on Youtube of a bunch of Americans taking a tour of Odessa to pick out potential future wives. Most of the guys were too scared to talk to the girls. One of the guys got along with one of the girls very well, though.....Because she was the tour guide. In his mind it was safer to talk to a girl who he had already been introduced to (That wasn't even on the market) than go out and meet someone else.

(03-02-2016 02:15 PM)Vincent Chase Wrote:  

I view Don't Shit Where You Eat as work only.

Anything outside of work is fair game. In fact you'll be missing out massively if you apply it to social circles, school, church etc.

Where the fuck will you plan to meet girls then the nunnery?

If you split up with a girl from a close social circle she'll do her best to avoid you anyway.

Seriously who gives a fuck, we're not in high school anymore and are fully grown adults.

Do not be phased by drama.

If you don't approach in your social circle, university, social gatherings etc you will not be shitting where you eat you'll be shitting on yourself.

I completely get what you're saying. But why not try and expand your horizons beyond the social circle? You can only know so many girls through social groups, but there are exponentially more girls out there in the wild.

As far as drama, you can only control what you do in these situations and not what other people do. I got burned recently by dating a girl I met through a mutual friend. It was my first time doing this in a long time, and it ended BADLY. I went NC and tried to move on with my life. Only problem was there was a guy in my social group who I also work with who also happens to never pursue a girl unless they have mutual friends, are friends, or he works with her. So he zeroes in on this girl and they begin dating. At first I was fine with it - Things didn't work out between us, I was NC, and he'd no doubt have to deal with all her bullshit now. Only problem is this girl I had never wanted to see again keeps popping up and this guy keeps rubbing it in my face that he's dating her now. Because I work with him I can't completely avoid him, so I've chosen to only speak with him about work-related topics. If he brings her up I ignore it or change the subject. So I can't control what comes out of his mouth, but I can change my attitude about the situation to limit him blabbing about her. Still, it's a headache and it's making me dislike him. The best solution would've been to never have dated this girl. And it's a lesson learned, figure out where drama can be created and avoid it at all costs.

[Mr. D]

(03-02-2016 12:34 PM)SudoRoot Wrote:  

Gaming Girls in your social circle might be easier and feel safer, but it is BY NO MEANS wort the potential Trouble afterwards.

Except if you're about to leave that social circle. (Assuming it sucks donkey balls.) Seems like a proper sendoff.

[General Stalin]

Hooking up with girls within a social circle is fine as long as one of the following is true:

1.) It never gets serious.

2.) You and/or the girl are not that deep in the circle.

Real life isn't HIMYM you can't have serious long term relationships with "friends" and everything be cool afterwards. You can, however, hook up casually as long as no real feeling get involved and/or date people who are less invested in the group.

One of my friends' long term girlfriend has worked in half a dozen different restaurants over the past 4 years or so, and girls go through friends like tampons, so needless to say I have smashed my fair share of "fresh blood" that she invited to house parties, bonfires, etc. It worked out great because I kept things casual and all these girls were always just temporary staples to the group. They wouldn't hang anymore when my buddy's girl quit/got fired and started serving somewhere else.

That being said, most "traditional" marriages are made through shitting where you eat, so to speak. People met in school, through friends, and through work.

My advice would be, if you are strictly looking to get ass then try to do it in a place where you can eject from a girl cleanly and it won't bite you in the ass socially/professionally. Thats why I say gaming girls who are on the outskirts of a social group is usually fine and vice versa.

[Mess O.]

It seems like we should have a master thread for this topic, especially given how the Newbie section is peppered with similar threads. And as for my view, I used to approach on the job, but have since stopped, and as a few readers have followed along, I was heavily engaging the literal girl-next-door, which even though turned into a colossal mess in this case, I feel it's fair game, provided it's handled with the utmost care. Hey, Vincent, what're your views on wrangling the neighborhood gals?

[SirTimothy]

I only worry about it if it involves work or a close friend. Outside that, my "social circle" is mostly acquaintances that change every so often. If I'm not even going to be around someone 6 months from now, it's not a huge deal as to whether things are slightly awkward between us or not. My .02

[Htownanddown]

For post college career jobs, it really is just a no go area. But when I had a friend waiting tables tell me he doesn't "shit where he eats" I burst out laughing. If you are working a summer job or in the service industry or something similar you should be shitting everywhere

[Rhyme or Reason]

First, this has been discussed ad nauseam in other threads, at least one of them has this exact same thread title.

But to your question- there is more downsides than upsides to going after chicks in your social circle. If you strike out, expect to be seen as a beta by everyone in the group after that. Bitches love to reject guys and then talk shit about them and destroy their reputation. They live for that kind of shit.