Quote: (01-28-2016 01:56 PM)OGNorCal707 Wrote:
Postscript:
Okay thanks for the great replies, I think there were nuggets of wisdom and truth in everyones posts, at the end of the day I went with how I was feeling. I basically tried to strike a balance between being apologetic and holding frame, but without being weak, groveling, and supplicating. Told her that I'm sorry for making a big deal out of the whole situation, and that I didn't mean to come across as a dick, and that I'd like to help her.
Wouldn't of said any bit of that, even if I did sound like a dick? If anything just ask for an update on if she moved the couch.
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Basically she seemed butt hurt over the whole thing. I texted her in the evening last night asking if things "worked out smoothly", to which she took over an hour to reply and said "unfortunately no, but it's going to be fine". I kind of thought "what the fuck" since I specifically told her to let me know if the other person flaked or things didn't work out and that I'd come over right away to help out.
Your gut is right sensing she's butt hurt, anytime a girl says "it's going to be fine" it isn't.
You even said you'd be over right away, bad thing to say.
You were trying to put the fire out way to quick with her, Stalin's right, you've got some oneitis.
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I tried calling her, but she didn't answer, I then texted her offering to come over right then with my truck (it was like 8 pm) and load it up, to which she said "no it's okay my uncle is going to do it this weekend." That to me kind of made it seem like she just now intentionally doesn't want my help, like she's got a chip on her shoulder and holding a grudge.
You attempted twice to follow up with her. She was basically saying "I couldn't count on you, so I got someone else to do it"
She's absolutely butthurt and she'll hold it against you.
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I kind of figured asking her to hang out again would be a bust, but I did anyway, since we hadn't hung out since Wednesday of last week and the weekend was approaching. Basically said, "well the offer to help stands if you want to get it done sooner, and I'd like to take you out for a drink this week."
Your gut told you not to, but you did hit her anyways. ALWAYS list to your gut man, it's there for a reason. I get why you did, damage control.
That last part made me cringe, you're totally kissing her ass, that turns off girls.
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She said, "I have plans with friends this weekend, I'll have to get back to you." Which in my book basically translates to "sorry, I'm pissed at you, I'm not going to be hanging out with you again..." Usually she's always down and very enthusiastic to hang out whenever I suggest we do stuff. I said in my OP that she felt like she was getting a little distant, I only say that because she shot down the last time I suggested we hang out last Sunday with "sorry I can't tomorrow", but offered no explanation or alternative. Not exactly something too major or something to read into too much, but I guess years of dealing with the little games chicks play has got me thinking about every little thing and move like it's a chess match. This unconscious mode of operation, may be good in some ways, but detrimental in other ways.
TREAD CAREFULLY from here on out. You're right, every little thing is a calculated move dude.
She's basically pissed and told you to fuck off by being polite and saying she has plans. I always hear bitches say that if things don't go their way.
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Anyways, I felt bad yesterday and realized that I like this girl more than I realized since I was bothered by it, and was having some mild anxiety over the whole situation, which I realize is lame, but will still admit anyway. Aside from kicking myself for potentially ruining a good FWB situation, I kind of felt like a dick about the whole thing, and being a genuinely nice guy I did feel bad about it in that sense.
Bitches are a dime a dozen dude, you still didn't fall into her manipulation like most guys would, she didn't get her way, so she's mad, doubly so that you were even asking for more than the dump fee.
Can't feel bad, just have to learn a lesson on this. Nice guys don't get anywhere, being polite is different.
If you didn't feel like doing it, you could've framed it better. If you did feel like, then there's no harm.
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That said just so you guys know how I am as a person, I generally hate asking for people for favors, and will only do so in the most worst case scenario. I hate to sound like a person who is very focused on money, but anytime that I ask a favor from someone, especially if it's time consuming, or requires work, skill, tools, vehicles, etc. I will always throw the person some cash, even when it was not expected in the first place. Maybe my mode of thinking/operating unconsciously extends to people who ask me favors as well, like if I'm taking time out of my life to use my gas guzzling truck, and breaking my back to help move furniture, the least you can do is throw me some gas money.
I'm happy to help friends that I know I can count on in return, if it's for a girl in an LTR I don't mind, my indian plate asked me if I had any lugnut locks, she had a flat, I just simply said no, and she handled it herself.
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However I know this was not the correct way to react/behave with this chick, and it ended up backfiring, like I said after our conversation I kind of felt like I had been a dick and put out a bad vibe. I probably should've texted her back to reassure her that I was down to help, but just said fuck it and didn't want to overthink it too much. I guess my gut was right in that I did put out a bad vibe, which obviously rubbed her the wrong way.
Always trust your gut man.
I'm assuming this is a typo and you mean to say shouldn't of texted her.
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The way I'm looking at it now is that I apologized and was sincere about it, and she basically still wanted to act butt hurt, and reject my further offer to help her out, when as of right now she still needs the help. That couch is sitting out of her apartment complex getting drenched in the rain, when if she'd just forgiven and forgotten I could've cruised over last night and with her help loaded into the back of my truck.
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At this point I give it a 50/50 chance at best she'll hit me up after this weekend, but my gut tells me that it's over with her. Personally I know I kind of fucked up, but the fact that she couldn't accept my apology is kind of bull shit. If she wants to stop hanging out with me because I was weird about loading up her moldy old couch and taking it to the dump, then that is kind of whack in it's own right.
I'll probably wait it out through the weekend and then try to hit her up on Monday or Tuesday for one last ditch effort to see if she wants to hang out again. Either way I've mentally accepted that she'll most likely fade away and that I'm back to square one without any poonanie to smash on. I'm certainly not going to come off as needy and desperate and constantly hit her up, if she wants distance, then distance she will get.
Let her have her sissy fit, play it cool calm and collective, don't text her anymore. See if she reaches out with in a week, if she doesn't MAYBE send out a feeler text, if she's slow to response or doesn't. You know it's over.
Some conclusions I see:
-Like others observe, you have some oneitis
-You over analyzed the alpha/beta provider dichotimy too much
-Do things you want, but frame it right
-You panicked and didn't take a step back to analyze the situation
Player's sometimes fuck with their own heads because they fear being the beta provider or a man that a woman wants to use.
Thing is - if you want to do something for a girl, BECAUSE YOU WANT TO, then do it. If you don't, fuck it, don't.
Just make sure it's within reason.