[General Stalin]

(01-15-2017 06:27 AM)MaceTyrell Wrote:  

I've called my old LTR twice over the past 24 hours asking for a chance to "talk civilly" to at least help give me closure.

Imma need people to reinvigorate this thread, cause boy do I need it right now...

"Closure" is not something men need. What you are actually doing is trying to get at her and hopefully revive the relationship and see if you can milk anything that could still be there because you miss her and the comfortability and security that the relationship gave you. Hoping to romance and/or guilt her into going back to you.

Truth is you need to cut her out as fast as humanly possible. The colder and faster the better. She needs to be dead to you for you to move on (and moving on is exactly what you have to do). None of this prolonged contact and dragging shit out. It's over. That's all the "closure" you need.

I don't know how things with you and her ended, but they did end and thats the only piece of information that is important.

There are billions of other women out there, and tons of them are going to be better for you than your ex.

[BetaNoMore]

The randomness of life still surprises me... There's probably no point in posting this but it will act as a catharsis of sorts.

I've mentioned my 2nd to last ex in a previous post. We broke up just over a year and a half ago now. It was a really intense relationship and I thought I was going to marry her. Things were perfect at the beginning but then mid-way through our 2 year relationship, something terrible happened and we brought out the worst in each other. The relationship dragged on at least a good 6 months longer than it should have. She ended up resenting me and having no respect for me and I acted in beta ways, losing emotional control and anger. About half a month after I broke it off for good, she tried contacting me to give it another go but at that point, I was already banging some other chick (who ended up becoming my last ex) and going on dates with a few others. I have not heard from or seen this 2nd to last ex since that time - about a year and a half.

From time to time, I still have nightmares about this 2nd to last ex filled with regret, heartache, and anger. I've been in a real dry spell and slump over the past 6 months too which makes today's occurrence a little bit more staggering than it should be.

I live in the burbs but often go downtown quite a bit. After work today, I drove to my athletic therapist and while downtown, I went to change into the right lane to make a right turn and for some reason, looked at the person inside the car in the lane beside me. There she was. I had to make a double take and it was her. She saw me too and had a look of mostly shock but perhaps in it was a friendly smile. I didn't react because I was stunned. I made the turn and pulled over to park on the side of the street not knowing if she would also pull over so we could say hi. But alas, she kept driving. I didn't smile, wave, or motion her over when we had our fleeting moment. The chances of us running into each other are really slim. We don't hang out in the same spots and she lives in a district 30 min outside the downtown area that is opposite to my suburb.

I was stunned for a few min but then got over it until now. I wish that I would have at least motioned her over to pull over so we could say hi. But really, what good would that have done? We're different people now and what we had is broke and long in the past. The good thing from this is I'm now certain she's alive and doing okay.

Life is funny and absurd. I'll need to reframe my mindset to not let this eat away at me over the next little bit.

[ksbms]

It's been almost a month of NC since the last time me and my ex have spoken on the phone (and nearly 2 months since we've seen each other last time) and I'm getting nostalgic... The fact I didn't get laid since then, doesn't help either but I keep approaching on a daily basis.

It rubs me the wrong way that I try to rationalise it by saying it was me who initiated soft next so I wasn't dumped (however during the last call I asked her to 'think about it' without clearly saying what I meant but it was obvious anyway). Alas, by the time we spoke the last time she said she's been seeing someone else and happy with him which almost certainly means she monkey branched or had a back up guy lined up for weeks...

So I'm staying strong but takes a mental effort to do so.

[aar0nmaxw3ll]

Fucked a "lesbian" on new years. Had sex with her twice since. Shes manipulative and likes to play games. Shes trying to cut sex off from me. Im supposed to see her tomorrow when i get back in town. If i dont bang her im gonna cut her off and keep spinnig my plates. I blew up on her for leading me on about two weeks ago. Didnt like that shit and yelled at her over text. I think thats where things got messed up. Should i just cut her off right now or keep trying? I like talking to her because shes good practice for game. I feel like if i keep doing this game shit were gonna fuck again.

[UlteriorMotive]

(01-22-2017 06:28 PM)aar0nmaxw3ll Wrote:  

Fucked a "lesbian" on new years. Had sex with her twice since. Shes manipulative and likes to play games. Shes trying to cut sex off from me.

Anytime a woman attempts to cut sex off she gets a firm boot out the door.

If she is trying that shit she has lost respect for you, I'd give her the next right away.

[aar0nmaxw3ll]

She said its because its not with a girl and it doesnt feel right. Youre right tho i think im beating a dead horse. Fuck it time to cut her off.

[Vaun]

(01-19-2017 10:27 PM)BetaNoMore Wrote:  

The randomness of life still surprises me... There's probably no point in posting this but it will act as a catharsis of sorts.

Its a catharsis to write, so I would use this thread for that, its why its here. That is a pretty amazing chance occurrence, and it would have made me call mine. Given the fact that you moved on and rebuffed her attempt to fix it, she had no real reason to stop. Your restraint in contacting her shows you are really in control of your emotions, despite how it feels. Your description of your relationship is spot on with mine, especially in how I acted. Why do we get this way? Learning from this one to never let it happen again is what I am focused on now. You need to bust out of that slump and start getting on with your life. Contrary to what people say here, I am all for a slump buster. Or at least make the effort to create the best updated version of yourself, to go out and get new girls.

(01-22-2017 05:10 PM)ksbms Wrote:  

It's been almost a month of NC since the last time me and my ex have spoken on the phone (and nearly 2 months since we've seen each other last time) and I'm getting nostalgic... The fact I didn't get laid since then, doesn't help either but I keep approaching on a daily basis.

It rubs me the wrong way that I try to rationalise it by saying it was me who initiated soft next so I wasn't dumped (however during the last call I asked her to 'think about it' without clearly saying what I meant but it was obvious anyway). Alas, by the time we spoke the last time she said she's been seeing someone else and happy with him which almost certainly means she monkey branched or had a back up guy lined up for weeks...

So I'm staying strong but takes a mental effort to do so.

2 months is a long time, and she could have found someone pretty quick. Try to not think about it. I would jump into dating now. It wont fix you, but its a nice diversion, and who knows, you might find a new one that blows this ex away. Go approach, do the apps, etc. Or you can set a date, say 30 days from now, where you will start dating again. In that 30 days you will lose weight, workout, hang with your mates, etc. Return to your best self.

[BetaNoMore]

(01-22-2017 11:00 PM)Vaun Wrote:  

(01-19-2017 10:27 PM)BetaNoMore Wrote:  

The randomness of life still surprises me... There's probably no point in posting this but it will act as a catharsis of sorts.

Its a catharsis to write, so I would use this thread for that, its why its here. That is a pretty amazing chance occurrence, and it would have made me call mine. Given the fact that you moved on and rebuffed her attempt to fix it, she had no real reason to stop. Your restraint in contacting her shows you are really in control of your emotions, despite how it feels. Your description of your relationship is spot on with mine, especially in how I acted. Why do we get this way? Learning from this one to never let it happen again is what I am focused on now. You need to bust out of that slump and start getting on with your life. Contrary to what people say here, I am all for a slump buster. Or at least make the effort to create the best updated version of yourself, to go out and get new girls.

Vaun,

Thank you for reading and giving the kind words of encouragement. It actually means a lot. I'm not as shook as I was a few days ago but it still lingers.

I won't lie. Part of me hope that she contacts and part of me wants to contact her but being completely honest with myself, I would be contacting her from a position of weakness. I mean this in the sense that I'm in a long slump and would be contacting her not because I wanted to merely say hi, but for the slight hope that something will happen especially because of my current long slump. Giving into this wish would be foolish at best.

Given what happened between her and I and how much pain we caused each other, the only choice here is to just let it be. But damn, I wish I wasn't frozen in that moment and waived her to pull over. I wouldn't be surprised if our paths never cross again.

[lawandlust]

Backstory: First year of law school, I'm 22. I sign up for POF and meet this gorgeous 18 year old who weighs all of 100 pounds. We exchange flirty banter, meet up for dinner and bowling, and I'm fucking her within about 4 hours of meeting her. She claims it was her first time (riiiiight).

I'm familiar with the red pill at that point, having read Roosh, Roissy, etc., throughout undergrad. Anyway, the sex is amazing (how could it not be with a hot young thing that's all of 18?) and a relationship develops.

Before we had met, she signed up to join the Air Force (a huge red flag, I know, but hindsight's always 20/20). She left for that about 2 months into our dating, and the only contact we had for the next two months was letters and a phone call about once a week.

I go with her parents to her graduation from basic (I'm cringing as I type this) and it's as if the love was never there in the first place. We seemed to be incapable of even having a conversation. I assumed she was probably getting banged out by one of her superiors, so I broke things off with her and stayed at the hotel doing homework while her parents spent a couple of days with her.

A few days later she sent me a text message saying she was sorry and that she could've been more mature, etc. I ignored it.

Tonight (~3 years later) she messages me on Facebook (we aren't even friends) and says she was sorry for how things ended and wanted to say hi and that she hopes I'm doing well.

Part of me is intrigued, because it seems odd that she'd message me out of the blue when I haven't even seen her in 3 years. I'm tempted to reply with some breezy nonchalant message in hopes that I could parlay it into one final hatefuck, but I no longer even live in the same city.

Of course the obvious and easy solution is to simply ignore, which is what I'm leaning toward. I'm interested in any thoughts you gentlemen have, though.

The whole thing reminds me of this post by Roosh: http://www.rooshv.com/be-that-guy

[Travesty]

^ Get real beta & be yourself with her let's see what happens.

[Roardog]

Just ignore her dude. She is either
a) seeking "closure" and to reassusre herself that she's not a bad person
b) hoping to show you how much better her life is without you
c) Just got dumped, her life is going nowhere and she's looking for a nice beta chump to rescue her

You have no chance of a hate fuck here. Just ignore her and leave her in the past where she belongs.

[ksbms]

(01-22-2017 11:00 PM)Vaun Wrote:  

(01-22-2017 05:10 PM)ksbms Wrote:  

It's been almost a month of NC since the last time me and my ex have spoken on the phone (and nearly 2 months since we've seen each other last time) and I'm getting nostalgic... The fact I didn't get laid since then, doesn't help either but I keep approaching on a daily basis.

It rubs me the wrong way that I try to rationalise it by saying it was me who initiated soft next so I wasn't dumped (however during the last call I asked her to 'think about it' without clearly saying what I meant but it was obvious anyway). Alas, by the time we spoke the last time she said she's been seeing someone else and happy with him which almost certainly means she monkey branched or had a back up guy lined up for weeks...

So I'm staying strong but takes a mental effort to do so.

2 months is a long time, and she could have found someone pretty quick. Try to not think about it. I would jump into dating now. It wont fix you, but its a nice diversion, and who knows, you might find a new one that blows this ex away. Go approach, do the apps, etc. Or you can set a date, say 30 days from now, where you will start dating again. In that 30 days you will lose weight, workout, hang with your mates, etc. Return to your best self.

2 months is a long time but things went south 10th Dec, then she didn't reply anymore 7 days later, when I re-initiated, meaning she was mentally checking out before that and getting less and less co-operative from before that. I guess it bothers my ego she's just swung on another branch instantaneously.

As i wrote before, I've been approaching since 1st Jan (as per approach thread). What is the problem is I'm in Scotland. Even though I'm in a capital, not that much single hotties kicking about (and certainly very few as attractive and good in bed as my ex). It would've been so much easier to get over her, had I've nailed some quality pussy.

By the way, my physique is excellent ;-)

[Vaun]

(01-23-2017 09:51 AM)ksbms Wrote:  

2 months is a long time but things went south 10th Dec, then she didn't reply anymore 7 days later, when I re-initiated, meaning she was mentally checking out before that and getting less and less co-operative from before that. I guess it bothers my ego she's just swung on another branch instantaneously.

As i wrote before, I've been approaching since 1st Jan (as per approach thread). What is the problem is I'm in Scotland. Even though I'm in a capital, not that much single hotties kicking about (and certainly very few as attractive and good in bed as my ex). It would've been so much easier to get over her, had I've nailed some quality pussy.

By the way, my physique is excellent ;-)

It sounds like its a good time for a beach trip.

[wonderer1]

Day 38 NC.

I was with the girl for 4 months. The first 3 months were great, she would buy me gifts, kino me, make time for me, could not sleep before seeing me, wished she could see me everyday. I played with her emotions, I would not speak to her for days. She started seeing someone else and went cold on me, she then started to insult me and told me about him, she blocked me. It was all my fault.

She then came back to me after he left for his home country, I was the plan B. I was kissing her again, I never slept with her because I thought she was a virgin, she told me about how she f*cked him. It killed me. I went a bit more beta to try and be different than before and learn from my mistakes, wed talk more, more on the phone rather than texting, id call her in the mornings to wake her up for classes, id see her more than once a week. She then said she wanted to be friends, massive out of the blue for me seeing as none of the actions pointed towards this - holding hands, head in chest, kissing.

I told her no, think about what you want, she was sure she wanted to be friends. Ive been NC since, havent heard anything. Spinning one plate, got a day 2 tomorrow. Need more plates, all I can think about is her though.

She reached out once on NYE, the conversation went like this:

Her: hey caramel (nickname she used to give me) happy new year!

5 mins later: why have you not been texting me?

25 mins later: come on... dont be a bastard on new years eve

I still think about her a lot. Ive been spinning other plates but they haven't gone far.

[Graft]

(01-23-2017 12:35 PM)wonderer1 Wrote:  

Day 38 NC.

I was with the girl for 4 months. The first 3 months were great, she would buy me gifts, kino me, make time for me, could not sleep before seeing me, wished she could see me everyday. I played with her emotions, I would not speak to her for days. She started seeing someone else and went cold on me, she then started to insult me and told me about him, she blocked me. It was all my fault.

She then came back to me after he left for his home country, I was the plan B. I was kissing her again, I never slept with her because I thought she was a virgin, she told me about how she f*cked him. It killed me. I went a bit more beta to try and be different than before and learn from my mistakes, wed talk more, more on the phone rather than texting, id call her in the mornings to wake her up for classes, id see her more than once a week. She then said she wanted to be friends, massive out of the blue for me seeing as none of the actions pointed towards this - holding hands, head in chest, kissing.

I told her no, think about what you want, she was sure she wanted to be friends. Ive been NC since, havent heard anything. Spinning one plate, got a day 2 tomorrow. Need more plates, all I can think about is her though.

She reached out once on NYE, the conversation went like this:

Her: hey caramel (nickname she used to give me) happy new year!

5 mins later: why have you not been texting me?

25 mins later: come on... dont be a bastard on new years eve

I still think about her a lot. Ive been spinning other plates but they haven't gone far.

My man.

You need to cut this shit out.

This girl doesn't give a fuck about you

She has zero sexual interest in you and is using you for attention and validation.

You are not on day 38 if you texted her on NYE. Being beta and needy nonetheless. Next this girl from your life, or set up some frame where she starts putting out.

[General Stalin]

(01-23-2017 12:35 PM)wonderer1 Wrote:  

Day 38 NC.

I was with the girl for 4 months. The first 3 months were great, she would buy me gifts, kino me, make time for me, could not sleep before seeing me, wished she could see me everyday. I played with her emotions, I would not speak to her for days. She started seeing someone else and went cold on me, she then started to insult me and told me about him, she blocked me. It was all my fault.

She then came back to me after he left for his home country, I was the plan B. I was kissing her again, I never slept with her because I thought she was a virgin, she told me about how she f*cked him. It killed me. I went a bit more beta to try and be different than before and learn from my mistakes, wed talk more, more on the phone rather than texting, id call her in the mornings to wake her up for classes, id see her more than once a week. She then said she wanted to be friends, massive out of the blue for me seeing as none of the actions pointed towards this - holding hands, head in chest, kissing.

I told her no, think about what you want, she was sure she wanted to be friends. Ive been NC since, havent heard anything. Spinning one plate, got a day 2 tomorrow. Need more plates, all I can think about is her though.

She reached out once on NYE, the conversation went like this:

Her: hey caramel (nickname she used to give me) happy new year!

5 mins later: why have you not been texting me?

25 mins later: come on... dont be a bastard on new years eve

I still think about her a lot. Ive been spinning other plates but they haven't gone far.

This was brutal to read.

I hope you know where you went wrong in this.

Once she left you for another man, she should have been dead to you. No letting her crawl back into your life.

You did the absolute worst thing for yourself and her. You took let yourself be the second choice and let her walk all over you and disrespect you. Then you chumped it up to try and keep her around. All this did was lower your self image and confidence, and reinforced to her that she can treat men like shit and they will supplicate to her.

Good move on not responding to her texts. Keep that up. If you need to I would recommend even blocking her number through your cell provider so she can't contact you anymore and remind you that she still exists.

(01-24-2017 08:51 PM)Graft Wrote:  

You are not on day 38 if you texted her on NYE. Being beta and needy nonetheless. Next this girl from your life, or set up some frame where she starts putting out.

He said she texted him, and from reading the transcript it looks like he did not respond. Thats no contact.

[wonderer1]

(01-24-2017 08:51 PM)Graft Wrote:  

(01-23-2017 12:35 PM)wonderer1 Wrote:  

Day 38 NC.

I was with the girl for 4 months. The first 3 months were great, she would buy me gifts, kino me, make time for me, could not sleep before seeing me, wished she could see me everyday. I played with her emotions, I would not speak to her for days. She started seeing someone else and went cold on me, she then started to insult me and told me about him, she blocked me. It was all my fault.

She then came back to me after he left for his home country, I was the plan B. I was kissing her again, I never slept with her because I thought she was a virgin, she told me about how she f*cked him. It killed me. I went a bit more beta to try and be different than before and learn from my mistakes, wed talk more, more on the phone rather than texting, id call her in the mornings to wake her up for classes, id see her more than once a week. She then said she wanted to be friends, massive out of the blue for me seeing as none of the actions pointed towards this - holding hands, head in chest, kissing.

I told her no, think about what you want, she was sure she wanted to be friends. Ive been NC since, havent heard anything. Spinning one plate, got a day 2 tomorrow. Need more plates, all I can think about is her though.

She reached out once on NYE, the conversation went like this:

Her: hey caramel (nickname she used to give me) happy new year!

5 mins later: why have you not been texting me?

25 mins later: come on... dont be a bastard on new years eve

I still think about her a lot. Ive been spinning other plates but they haven't gone far.

My man.

You need to cut this shit out.

This girl doesn't give a fuck about you

She has zero sexual interest in you and is using you for attention and validation.

You are not on day 38 if you texted her on NYE. Being beta and needy nonetheless. Next this girl from your life, or set up some frame where she starts putting out.

It was weird because we were kissing each other before she said her speech. I used to suck on her t*ts in my car, there used to be sexual interest, not any more obviously.

I never texted her, she texted me, I didnt respond. What do you mean set up a frame where she puts out?

[Graft]

(01-25-2017 02:01 PM)wonderer1 Wrote:  

(01-24-2017 08:51 PM)Graft Wrote:  

(01-23-2017 12:35 PM)wonderer1 Wrote:  

Day 38 NC.

I was with the girl for 4 months. The first 3 months were great, she would buy me gifts, kino me, make time for me, could not sleep before seeing me, wished she could see me everyday. I played with her emotions, I would not speak to her for days. She started seeing someone else and went cold on me, she then started to insult me and told me about him, she blocked me. It was all my fault.

She then came back to me after he left for his home country, I was the plan B. I was kissing her again, I never slept with her because I thought she was a virgin, she told me about how she f*cked him. It killed me. I went a bit more beta to try and be different than before and learn from my mistakes, wed talk more, more on the phone rather than texting, id call her in the mornings to wake her up for classes, id see her more than once a week. She then said she wanted to be friends, massive out of the blue for me seeing as none of the actions pointed towards this - holding hands, head in chest, kissing.

I told her no, think about what you want, she was sure she wanted to be friends. Ive been NC since, havent heard anything. Spinning one plate, got a day 2 tomorrow. Need more plates, all I can think about is her though.

She reached out once on NYE, the conversation went like this:

Her: hey caramel (nickname she used to give me) happy new year!

5 mins later: why have you not been texting me?

25 mins later: come on... dont be a bastard on new years eve

I still think about her a lot. Ive been spinning other plates but they haven't gone far.

My man.

You need to cut this shit out.

This girl doesn't give a fuck about you

She has zero sexual interest in you and is using you for attention and validation.

You are not on day 38 if you texted her on NYE. Being beta and needy nonetheless. Next this girl from your life, or set up some frame where she starts putting out.

It was weird because we were kissing each other before she said her speech. I used to suck on her t*ts in my car, there used to be sexual interest, not any more obviously.

I never texted her, she texted me, I didnt respond. What do you mean set up a frame where she puts out?

Tell her she's gone unless she's banging you. Don't go exclusive with her, she's not that interested.

[Graft]

(01-18-2017 04:12 PM)General Stalin Wrote:  

(01-15-2017 06:27 AM)MaceTyrell Wrote:  

I've called my old LTR twice over the past 24 hours asking for a chance to "talk civilly" to at least help give me closure.

Imma need people to reinvigorate this thread, cause boy do I need it right now...

"Closure" is not something men need. What you are actually doing is trying to get at her and hopefully revive the relationship and see if you can milk anything that could still be there because you miss her and the comfortability and security that the relationship gave you. Hoping to romance and/or guilt her into going back to you.

Truth is you need to cut her out as fast as humanly possible. The colder and faster the better. She needs to be dead to you for you to move on (and moving on is exactly what you have to do). None of this prolonged contact and dragging shit out. It's over. That's all the "closure" you need.

I don't know how things with you and her ended, but they did end and thats the only piece of information that is important.

There are billions of other women out there, and tons of them are going to be better for you than your ex.

I liked your post but I'm actually close to a month NC, and I would like closure in the form of one last bang and discussion on wtf happened, just because of the nature of the relationship. It was extremely intense from the start, lasted about 5 months. For almost the entirety of the relationship she worshipped the ground I walked on, talked about marriage/kids/cohabitating every day, she went on a family vacation, and all of a sudden gave me "i need more time/space/break/casual." We weren't even seeing each other that much, a few times a week. We exchanged texts for two days and when it was clear that she was checking out of the relationship I cut her off like an alpha and told her that I'm moving on.

I think she'll boomerang in some fashion, but I'd only make it a sexual session.

[torridon747]

(01-15-2017 06:27 AM)MaceTyrell Wrote:  

I liked your post but I'm actually close to a month NC, and I would like closure in the form of one last bang and discussion on wtf happened, just because of the nature of the relationship. It was extremely intense from the start, lasted about 5 months. For almost the entirety of the relationship she worshipped the ground I walked on, talked about marriage/kids/cohabitating every day, she went on a family vacation, and all of a sudden gave me "i need more time/space/break/casual." We weren't even seeing each other that much, a few times a week. We exchanged texts for two days and when it was clear that she was checking out of the relationship I cut her off like an alpha and told her that I'm moving on.

I think she'll boomerang in some fashion, but I'd only make it a sexual session.

I hate to break it to you but she banged another dude. Bang her if you want or whatever but I seriously advise you not to get into any familiar territory with this girl again. In your mind you already know what happened. It doesn't take a genious. Fiery passionate relationship, girl goes on vacation, then it ends. She saw someone else and her guilt or whatever manifested into the "i need space" song and dance. Save yourself the trouble, stop thinking about it. Whatever you could have done better 95% would have not stopped whatever happened. 5 months isn't long enough to change the nature of a woman.

[realologist]

For all the guys posting in this thread recently.

Your relationship may have ended prematurely. It may have ended over a stupid reason. It may have ended when it shouldn't have but none of that matters. All that matters is that it ended.

If you broke up over something stupid what happens when something real hits. Do you think the relationship would survive or would she bail?

I can understand banging a ONS, plate again you haven't heard from in a while but a LTR is never good. Too easy to get caught in the previous feelings, remember only the good times while conveniently forgetting the bad.

Even if she boomerangs, which many women do, you still don't have to catch it. Let her fly backwards while you continue to move forward with your life.

[Graft]

(01-29-2017 01:53 AM)Eugenics Wrote:  

(01-15-2017 06:27 AM)MaceTyrell Wrote:  

I liked your post but I'm actually close to a month NC, and I would like closure in the form of one last bang and discussion on wtf happened, just because of the nature of the relationship. It was extremely intense from the start, lasted about 5 months. For almost the entirety of the relationship she worshipped the ground I walked on, talked about marriage/kids/cohabitating every day, she went on a family vacation, and all of a sudden gave me "i need more time/space/break/casual." We weren't even seeing each other that much, a few times a week. We exchanged texts for two days and when it was clear that she was checking out of the relationship I cut her off like an alpha and told her that I'm moving on.

I think she'll boomerang in some fashion, but I'd only make it a sexual session.

I hate to break it to you but she banged another dude. Bang her if you want or whatever but I seriously advise you not to get into any familiar territory with this girl again. In your mind you already know what happened. It doesn't take a genious. Fiery passionate relationship, girl goes on vacation, then it ends. She saw someone else and her guilt or whatever manifested into the "i need space" song and dance. Save yourself the trouble, stop thinking about it. Whatever you could have done better 95% would have not stopped whatever happened. 5 months isn't long enough to change the nature of a woman.

I don't want to discount your theory, because it's definitely a possibility, but I don't think so because of the nature of the trip. It was a destination wedding/religious pilgrimage with her entire family-even sharing rooms. Could she have gotten banged? Of course, but the logistics of the trip were difficult. She could hardly find space from her parents to talk to me on the phone.

I don't want to sound like I'm hamstering, because it really wouldn't make a difference to me if she fucked a guy on the trip. It's over.

She came back with her phone locked, which was a bad sign.

It's possibly that a good amount of time away from me and the new year prompted her to make a rash decision.

Oh well.

[General Stalin]

(01-29-2017 01:36 AM)Graft Wrote:  

I liked your post but I'm actually close to a month NC, and I would like closure in the form of one last bang and discussion on wtf happened, just because of the nature of the relationship. It was extremely intense from the start, lasted about 5 months. For almost the entirety of the relationship she worshipped the ground I walked on, talked about marriage/kids/cohabitating every day, she went on a family vacation, and all of a sudden gave me "i need more time/space/break/casual." We weren't even seeing each other that much, a few times a week. We exchanged texts for two days and when it was clear that she was checking out of the relationship I cut her off like an alpha and told her that I'm moving on.

I think she'll boomerang in some fashion, but I'd only make it a sexual session.

What is it you hope to gain/achieve by having sex with this girl again and talking to her again?

[Graft]

(01-29-2017 01:04 PM)General Stalin Wrote:  

(01-29-2017 01:36 AM)Graft Wrote:  

I liked your post but I'm actually close to a month NC, and I would like closure in the form of one last bang and discussion on wtf happened, just because of the nature of the relationship. It was extremely intense from the start, lasted about 5 months. For almost the entirety of the relationship she worshipped the ground I walked on, talked about marriage/kids/cohabitating every day, she went on a family vacation, and all of a sudden gave me "i need more time/space/break/casual." We weren't even seeing each other that much, a few times a week. We exchanged texts for two days and when it was clear that she was checking out of the relationship I cut her off like an alpha and told her that I'm moving on.

I think she'll boomerang in some fashion, but I'd only make it a sexual session.

What is it you hope to gain/achieve by having sex with this girl again and talking to her again?

I really just want to know what caused the entire thing, just because the relationship seemed highly intense, with her expressing her undying loyalty to me, then "poof."

I'm not actively going to try to hit her up, I'm strict No Contact, but I definitely have some unanswered questions about the relationship and what exactly happened.

[questor70]

(01-29-2017 02:00 PM)Graft Wrote:  

I really just want to know what caused the entire thing, just because the relationship seemed highly intense, with her expressing her undying loyalty to me, then "poof."

Women's loyalty is always tenuous and if you pin her against the wall she'll always have a bullshit rationalization to attempt to absolve her of guilt over flip/flop behavior. Hope for the best but expect the worst is the best attitude.

For instance, I just finished up my own current relationship which exhibited some classic behaviors that cause men to go MGTOW. Men want to know where they stand. But women can be hot and cold to the point of mental illness. But there's a pattern.

The one common thread is insecurity/ego. My ex approached the dating game purely out of a need for personal validation. She wasn't really looking for a full relationship even though she said she was. Her saying she loved me meant nothing because she didn't behave the way I expect someone who loves me to behave. She wanted a trained seal. The moment you say the least thing that could be construed as a criticism or you take the ball and start going home she literally turns into a monster. This was a Stage 5 clinger who wouldn't let me go even after we broke up, trying to text and email me constantly until I had to threaten her with a restraining order.

Going no-contact is really difficult for me. I'd really like to deflate the balloon elegantly and maintain a mutual state of calm but people ascribe so much damn gravitas to whether they've been "dumped" or not that even when the dumper is trying to let them down easy sometimes you have no choice but to disengage. I've been on the other end of this before and now I see my behavior back then in a whole new light. I've outgrown that knee-jerk feeling of having been "wronged" but most people go ballistic due to ego-protection.

Once someone dumps you, you're dumped. That's all that counts. It's not pleasant, but that's part of the process. You don't want to try to convince someone else to want you when they've already reached a point of dumping you. It sparks of desperation and only pushes any self-respecting person away. Just because someone thinks you're not right for them doesn't mean you're not going to be right for anyone else. At the same time the most learning anyone can do from a failed relationship is away from the person who dumped you. You have to lick your own wounds and talk it through with family and friends, NOT with the person who dumped you. After they've said their piece, that's that.