[RatInTheWoods]

Its hard to feel depressed after an hours hard run in soft sand on the beach.

The mixture of exhaustion, endorphins and accomplishment swats away bad feelings.

[Beyond Borders]

^Booyah!

[Centurion]

(11-29-2015 10:12 AM)Huey Wrote:  

Here's the PDF for Feeling Good:
http://islamiconlineuniversity.com/couns...20Good.pdf

This PDF doesn't load for me. Will probs just get the torrent later.

@BB

Thanks, I really appreciated that advice, I read all of it. I guess the books would go into that in more detail- but what exactly would you do to change your mood? I really want freedom from my emotions- but they often feel so powerful and it feels activities barely make a dent, like they may make me feel marginally(but noticeably) better, but it's so fleeting and transient. Do I have to just keep going and trust it? Know it would've been even worse had I not done it?

I do feel better knowing that my worth isn't tied to my (lack of)achievements. But that being said, I really would like a fulfilling job, good friends and fuckable chicks. I "know"(according to my gut feeling) I will be significantly happier when I do get these down, so it does trip me up when good advice says I shouldn't rely on them for happiness.

With social situations- over the past couple of months-year I actually *have* been doing something similar to that. The trouble is that most of the time I wouldn't ever meet those people ever again, so it feels a bit shallow/empty/meaningless. For the most part it was more pleasurable/enjoyable than doing nothing or even doing a similarly interesting thing by myself, but I feel my social interaction was "wasted" if nothing ever comes of it. This isn't necessarily just gaming girls but I mean meeting new guys in general and somehow logistically not breaking into their circles.

I look for the hot girls on the street/other daygame spots because those are some of my only hope of ever fucking one because social circle seems hopeless. My libido and my sexuality insist I do this.

[tynamite]

There's already a depression thread here.
thread-4910.html
Someone merge the threads.

[Beyond Borders]

(11-30-2015 05:19 AM)Centurion Wrote:  

(11-29-2015 10:12 AM)Huey Wrote:  

Here's the PDF for Feeling Good:
http://islamiconlineuniversity.com/couns...20Good.pdf

This PDF doesn't load for me. Will probs just get the torrent later.

PM me and I'll give you a link where you can download it.

Quote:

@BB

Thanks, I really appreciated that advice, I read all of it.

I'm glad to hear it. I spent a lot of time writing it.

Quote:

I guess the books would go into that in more detail- but what exactly would you do to change your mood? I really want freedom from my emotions- but they often feel so powerful and it feels activities barely make a dent, like they may make me feel marginally(but noticeably) better, but it's so fleeting and transient. Do I have to just keep going and trust it? Know it would've been even worse had I not done it?

If it's as bad as you said in the OP, what do you really have to lose by just reading the books and/or that thread, and watching the video, and finding out? I would think you have nothing to lose and everything to gain...

Quote:

I do feel better knowing that my worth isn't tied to my (lack of)achievements. But that being said, I really would like a fulfilling job, good friends and fuckable chicks.

You and every other man on this planet would like these things. That doesn't necessarily mean you have to have them to be happy. And what are you doing to earn them? It takes time and effort to have a well-rounded life like that - you have to build yourself into the type of person who has them.

Quote:

I "know"(according to my gut feeling) I will be significantly happier when I do get these down, so it does trip me up when good advice says I shouldn't rely on them for happiness.

Actually, you may get those things and still not be signficiantly happier, believe it or not...Anyways, read the books and watch the video and get untripped.

Quote:

With social situations- over the past couple of months-year I actually *have* been doing something similar to that. The trouble is that most of the time I wouldn't ever meet those people ever again, so it feels a bit shallow/empty/meaningless. For the most part it was more pleasurable/enjoyable than doing nothing or even doing a similarly interesting thing by myself, but I feel my social interaction was "wasted" if nothing ever comes of it. This isn't necessarily just gaming girls but I mean meeting new guys in general and somehow logistically not breaking into their circles.

If it's pleasurable, why not keep doing it?

At its best, it will eventually lead to the types of chance encounters you want in life. At its least, you can frame it in your mind as completely self-serving, practicing your personality and making yourself feel better. What could possibly be wrong with that?

Anyways, if you see it as meaningless and shallow, that's because you're framing it that way in your mind. That's a choice, and it's a perfect example of how your thoughts affect how you feel.

I was going to tell you how I frame it, but I was getting carried away with the rant, so I transformed it into a post for my blog that I haven't written on forever instead. Here it is if you want to read it.

Simply put, if you're labeling these intereactions as shallow and meaningless, that's because you're being shallow and meaningless about them. You shouldn't expect anything from them. It's hard to truly connect with other people when you are only doing it because of what you'll get out of it.

Quote:

I look for the hot girls on the street/other daygame spots because those are some of my only hope of ever fucking one because social circle seems hopeless. My libido and my sexuality insist I do this.

But are you fucking, though?

If not, then what you've been doing is not getting results you want, so wouldn't it make sense to try something different? Like becoming a more confident, grounded person and building some genuine social skills (as opposed to "what can I get out of this" social reaching)?

Then from there you'll have a lot better foundation to build the type of social skills it takes to walk into a room and orchestrate an interaction with the hottest girl present.

[VolandoVengoVolandoVoy]

Find the best doctor that you can, someone you can trust. Preferably a psychiatrist who combines medication with cognitive behavioral therapy. Many psychiatrists only do 5-10 minute "med checks" with no therapy. The good ones typically have 45 minute to 1hr sessions that combine careful medication management along with therapy.

Ignore advice from anyone except for this doctor. Don't second guess his decisions. Don't read online bullshit from people who are not professionals. Don't read online reviews of the medications you take. It will fuck with your head. Neurotic people with negative experiences are MUCH more likely to take the time to go online and bitch and spread rumors.

Keep it SIMPLE. You don't have to stress or try and decide. Find the best doctor possible, and let him make you better. The one who saved my life has been doing his thing for almost 40 years if you include medical school. Why would I ever assume that I know better than someone like that? If you had a problem with your knee, would you go online and listen to bullshit homeopathic advice, or would you go to a specialist orthopedic doctor and do what he says? The mind is no different, it is just another part of the body. Sure, it's more complex, but that's why really smart people spend years of their lives learning about it.

[thoughtgypsy]

OP, if you do decide to take VVVV's advice, I would urge you to be very careful when selecting a doctor. I'm not sure if the medical system is different in New Zealand, but in the US there is a strong $$$ incentive for psychiatrists not to cure their patients, or alternatively, to pump out drug referrals as if their patients were an assembly line. I second what VVVV says about the doctors who only do 15 minute med checks. Some doctors maximize their number of patients while prescribing psychotropic drugs with very serious side effects. These people have no moral compass, putting kids on speed and doing anything just to make a quick buck. Drugs like SSRIs, especially in young men, have been linked to most of the mass shooters in the last couple of decades. Other drugs can increase your chances of suicide.

However, I would also be cautious when selecting a psychiatrist that specializes in longer therapy sessions. If a psychiatrist "cures" you, then you no longer have to go to him, and he loses billable hours at $200+/hour. This encourages the practitioner to keep you coming back for "treatment" for months or even years on end. It's also largely a pseudoscience, where different practitioners might make wildly different diagnoses and prescribe different treatment plans. But there's most likely some good ones out there if you look hard enough. Sometimes just voicing your thoughts and having someone listen can be therapeutic.

My mom suffers from depression, but it's due to a chemical imbalance. She had to work her way through many different practitioners before finding one that she felt actually wanted to treat her. I suspect that as a young man transitioning into manhood, what you're going through is overwhelming but fairly normal. You're going through a difficult time, so it might not be purely chemical related. If I were you I'd try the advice BB and others posted first before you even consider drugs. You have nothing to lose by trying.

[Giovonny]

I battled "depression".

I won.

Here's what happened...

Recently, I tried "molly"/mdma/ecstasy for the first time in nearly 20 years.

People warned me that it might cause a slight "depression" after the effects wore off -- I guess this is due to the "serotonin dump" which makes one really happy while the drug is working but results in a shortage of "happy chemicals" after the drug stops working.

That's exactly what happened.

The next day, after the drug wore off, I didn't feel like myself. I was extremely melancholy, lethargic, gloomy, hopeless, and uninspired.

First, I acknowledged my feelings. I accepted them. I didn't panic. I knew they were just temporary.

Second, I reminded myself of the concept of "The Observer"...

... I am not my thoughts -- I am the observer of my thoughts..

My thoughts are just random mutterings that have little power to dictate my perspective on life.

My thoughts are like just cars passing by on the freeway. "I" am the freeway.

--

I wrote about this a few years ago:

(09-13-2014 12:01 PM)Giovonny Wrote:  

Understand that you are not your thoughts, you are just the observer of your thoughts. Your thoughts are no different from the wind blowing or another person talking, you observe them and act on them if you want to. Or, you observe them and take no action. They are no different from leaves falling from a tree or kids playing in the street. They are just outside occurrences.

thread-40270...#pid829397

Most people live within their own thoughts.

In my opinion, over thinking is one of the biggest problems facing modern man. We think ourselves into depression and neurosis.

We should think less and do more, do more of the things that really make us happy.

Thinking is dangerous, do it very carefully and do it with lots of love for yourself.

[Centurion]

(12-01-2015 04:35 AM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  

PM me and I'll give you a link where you can download it.

Yup.

(12-01-2015 04:35 AM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  

If it's as bad as you said in the OP, what do you really have to lose by just reading the books and/or that thread, and watching the video, and finding out? I would think you have nothing to lose and everything to gain...

It's not always that bad. I have my ups and downs- When I was that frustrated to make the thread, I was feeling really, really down. It's not like I'm "fixed" now, but most of the time I really do feel better.

(12-01-2015 04:35 AM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  

You and every other man on this planet would like these things. That doesn't necessarily mean you have to have them to be happy. And what are you doing to earn them? It takes time and effort to have a well-rounded life like that - you have to build yourself into the type of person who has them.

True. I'm probably still stuck in the PUA mindset where I'm as alpha as the PUA material says I should be- yet I'm coming up short. And this has made me miserable, but I see that I shouldn't be, and I should control my emotions to make me be happy instead.

(12-01-2015 04:35 AM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  

Actually, you may get those things and still not be signficiantly happier, believe it or not...Anyways, read the books and watch the video and get untripped.

Will do. This is very curious indeed...

(12-01-2015 04:35 AM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  

If it's pleasurable, why not keep doing it?

I agree. The reason I have my doubts is because depression makes everything draining- social interactions even more so. So often when I do have conversations and interactions with other people, it may be pleasurable and enjoyable but it's very draining and exhausting too. But I figure it's better than not doing it.

(12-01-2015 04:35 AM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  

Anyways, if you see it as meaningless and shallow, that's because you're framing it that way in your mind. That's a choice, and it's a perfect example of how your thoughts affect how you feel.

I was going to tell you how I frame it, but I was getting carried away with the rant, so I transformed it into a post for my blog that I haven't written on forever instead. Here it is if you want to read it.

Simply put, if you're labeling these intereactions as shallow and meaningless, that's because you're being shallow and meaningless about them. You shouldn't expect anything from them. It's hard to truly connect with other people when you are only doing it because of what you'll get out of it.

Definitely.

(12-01-2015 04:35 AM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  

But are you fucking, though?

If not, then what you've been doing is not getting results you want, so wouldn't it make sense to try something different? Like becoming a more confident, grounded person and building some genuine social skills (as opposed to "what can I get out of this" social reaching)?

Then from there you'll have a lot better foundation to build the type of social skills it takes to walk into a room and orchestrate an interaction with the hottest girl present.

I'm torn because many, many PUA materials(Roosh included, I believe, but if he doesn't actually say this I don't want to put words in his mouth), speak about how cold approaching is king and how if only I try hard enough I'll fuck the girls I want.

[Beyond Borders]

(12-01-2015 04:16 PM)Centurion Wrote:  

I'm torn because many, many PUA materials(Roosh included, I believe, but if he doesn't actually say this I don't want to put words in his mouth), speak about how cold approaching is king and how if only I try hard enough I'll fuck the girls I want.

Well, I understand your confusion and I'm not dogging on Roosh's advice - the man knows what he's talking about in this regard.

It works for a lot of people, but one of the big flaws about general pickup principles is the blanket prescription. Some people need a bit more help to develop some more basic social capacity first.

I suspect you may be one of those people; however, even if that's not the case, clearly, hurtling yourself into a campaign of failure for the long-term win is possibly not the best idea if you're depressed and can't currently handle all that rejection, no?

Personally, I would work on the emotional and mental resilience and building some more innate confidence first because it sounds like you're running out there hoping some good results will give you confidence and reignite your hope in the world. That's a very shaky thing to roll your mental health on, if you ask me.

Constant approaching is a great way to learn, but it also requires falling flat on your face over and over and over again - in an extreme case for someone who's really having some issues, perhaps thousands of times.

Are you mentally prepared for that challenge or should you be working on becoming a more stable person first and finding some intrinsic worth you can draw on when the going gets tough? At the end of the day, life will keep throwing challenges and rejections and frustrations at you, and even getting pussy won't change that.

You need to become the kind of man who has inner stability to get through life. You need to be working out, getting your mind right, and focusing on that money - and yeah, hitting on girls and trying to sleep with them, but you can't roll your happiness on the result.

On a sidenote, and I'm sure you know this if you've been studying up, Giovonny is a great guy to listen to when you do straighten out the girl stuff, and he's got a super positive mindset. His posts are women and attitude both are well worth paying attention to.

[Beyond Borders]

(12-02-2015 12:00 AM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  

His posts are on women and attitude both are well worth paying attention to.

Fixed.

[CodyB]

Bro, I was 19, in New Zealand and feeling pretty shit about my life.

Actually the bullshit until I was about 22, I went travelling and started working. If you've had enough with Uni for the mean time I have a very specific plan of action for you.

Move to Australia
Work a lot
Live in a suburb that attracts a lot of immigrants

In Australia you will find a job earning $45,000 a year EASILY provided you are articulate and technologically literate. You should be able to find 'cash' work in hospitality or something similar. In a place like Sydney, you can easily work >60 hours a week if you want. Move to an immigrant area like around Ashfield, Hurstville, Flemington or Lidcombe. You will find the sense of community in these areas to be very strong. Hipster areas are cliquish and hipsters are faggots.

After all expenses, you could find yourself saving $600 a week. You can find return flights on the regular to Asia for <$600.

Good thing about this is you can return to your studies either in OZ or back to NZ, there's nothing locking you in. But right now a lot of your depression may be attributed to your environment.

[Giovonny]

I just read through this thread.

Here is my amateur bro-science advice:

(11-28-2015 03:58 PM)Centurion Wrote:  

I feel depressed

Fuck your "feelings"! They are meaningless, powerless, insane, dysfunctional, and inaccurate. (unless you believe in them -- which you shouldn't)

Your "feelings" are the result of your thought patterns, your thought patterns are clearly unhealthy and unproductive.

You should ignore and disregard your negative feelings (but accept and embrace the positive feelings)

Feel your feelings, then ignore them, throw them away and take action in defiance of them!

Fuck your negative feelings! They obviously don't care about you, so why care about them?

(11-28-2015 03:58 PM)Centurion Wrote:  

But what sort of fun can I make, and how?

Fun!!!!

Yes! This is what you need!!!

More fun!!!!

What is fun to you?

Do that!

(11-28-2015 03:58 PM)Centurion Wrote:  

I'm feeling really horny atm and need some sexual release. But what sort of goals would you recommend I change to?

If you need sexual release..

Your goal should be to improve the quality of your masturbation or go to Thailand and bang a bunch of hot hookers.

Game is clearly not bringing you many results

So, adjust your sexual strategy.

(or lower your standards)

(11-28-2015 03:58 PM)Centurion Wrote:  

Where can I find this solid group of guy friends?

Here, on this forum.

(11-28-2015 03:58 PM)Centurion Wrote:  

Perhaps I should give up on game?

Yes, you should give up on game, for now.

You are not mentally prepared to deal with the emotional roller coaster of gaming.

Talk to lots of girls, but, stop gaming them! Just talk from a neutral, outcome independent position.

(11-30-2015 05:19 AM)Centurion Wrote:  

what exactly would you do to change your mood?

Change locations. Go to Thailand

(11-28-2015 03:58 PM)Centurion Wrote:  

I really want freedom from my emotions

Fuck your emotions! They are just a reflection of your unhealthy though patterns.

Your emotions should not be trusted.

You are not prepared to create healthy emotions.

So, observe your emotions, ignore them, and take MASSIVE PHYSICAL ACTION TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE!

Actions over emotions!!!

(11-28-2015 03:58 PM)Centurion Wrote:  

I'm torn because many, many PUA materials(Roosh included, I believe, but if he doesn't actually say this I don't want to put words in his mouth), speak about how cold approaching is king and how if only I try hard enough I'll fuck the girls I want.

Cold Approaching is not king. I don't believe Roosh has ever said this.

"Trying hard" is not enough. You must try smarter, healthier, and in a way that is more loving and accepting of yourself.

You are trying too hard and putting too much pressure on yourself.

Instead of trying harder to cold approach, you should be trying harder to love yourself.

--

But, honestly, for me, the biggest issue here is your inability to fill out a job application..???

(11-28-2015 03:58 PM)Centurion Wrote:  

I want to work and all, but the CVs and job application seem like a huge barrier

Wait!?!?!?!?

The job applications seem like a huge barrier?!?!?!?!?

Oh shit!

Answering a few questions seems like a huge barrier?

Filling out a few forms seems like a huge barrier?

What the fuck???

You have bigger problems than game and girls.

You can not complete simple tasks that are required for modern living.

Why is the job application such a huge barrier?

Don't you do homework in school?

If you don't have the mental wherewithal to complete a job application.. How the fuck are you going to survive the modern world?

Now, I'm actually worried about you. I suspect that your parents have not properly prepared you for life.

Please explain..

[Off The Reservation]

(12-03-2015 02:59 PM)Giovonny Wrote:  

I just read through this thread.

Here is my amateur bro-science advice:

(11-28-2015 03:58 PM)Centurion Wrote:  

I feel depressed

Fuck your "feelings"! They are meaningless, powerless, insane, dysfunctional, and inaccurate. (unless you believe in them -- which you shouldn't)

Your "feelings" are the result of your thought patterns, your thought patterns are clearly unhealthy and unproductive.

You should ignore and disregard your negative feelings (but accept and embrace the positive feelings)

Feel your feelings, then ignore them, throw them away and take action in defiance of them!

Fuck your negative feelings! They obviously don't care about you, so why care about them?

(11-28-2015 03:58 PM)Centurion Wrote:  

But what sort of fun can I make, and how?

Fun!!!!

Yes! This is what you need!!!

More fun!!!!

What is fun to you?

Do that!

(11-28-2015 03:58 PM)Centurion Wrote:  

I'm feeling really horny atm and need some sexual release. But what sort of goals would you recommend I change to?

If you need sexual release..

Your goal should be to improve the quality of your masturbation or go to Thailand and bang a bunch of hot hookers.

Game is clearly not bringing you many results

So, adjust your sexual strategy.

(or lower your standards)

(11-28-2015 03:58 PM)Centurion Wrote:  

Where can I find this solid group of guy friends?

Here, on this forum.

(11-28-2015 03:58 PM)Centurion Wrote:  

Perhaps I should give up on game?

Yes, you should give up on game, for now.

You are not mentally prepared to deal with the emotional roller coaster of gaming.

Talk to lots of girls, but, stop gaming them! Just talk from a neutral, outcome independent position.

(11-30-2015 05:19 AM)Centurion Wrote:  

what exactly would you do to change your mood?

Change locations. Go to Thailand

(11-28-2015 03:58 PM)Centurion Wrote:  

I really want freedom from my emotions

Fuck your emotions! They are just a reflection of your unhealthy though patterns.

Your emotions should not be trusted.

You are not prepared to create healthy emotions.

So, observe your emotions, ignore them, and take MASSIVE PHYSICAL ACTION TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE!

Actions over emotions!!!

(11-28-2015 03:58 PM)Centurion Wrote:  

I'm torn because many, many PUA materials(Roosh included, I believe, but if he doesn't actually say this I don't want to put words in his mouth), speak about how cold approaching is king and how if only I try hard enough I'll fuck the girls I want.

Cold Approaching is not king. I don't believe Roosh has ever said this.

"Trying hard" is not enough. You must try smarter, healthier, and in a way that is more loving and accepting of yourself.

You are trying too hard and putting too much pressure on yourself.

Instead of trying harder to cold approach, you should be trying harder to love yourself.

--

But, honestly, for me, the biggest issue here is your inability to fill out a job application..???

(11-28-2015 03:58 PM)Centurion Wrote:  

I want to work and all, but the CVs and job application seem like a huge barrier

Wait!?!?!?!?

The job applications seem like a huge barrier?!?!?!?!?

Oh shit!

Answering a few questions seems like a huge barrier?

Filling out a few forms seems like a huge barrier?

What the fuck???

You have bigger problems than game and girls.

You can not complete simple tasks that are required for modern living.

Why is the job application such a huge barrier?

Don't you do homework in school?

If you don't have the mental wherewithal to complete a job application.. How the fuck are you going to survive the modern world?

Now, I'm actually worried about you. I suspect that your parents have not properly prepared you for life.

Please explain..

Thanks for being the only other reply that didnt get baited into this pity party.

I also find it odd that OP writes exactly like toysoldier who was banned.

[Beyond Borders]

^ offthereservation what is your problem, exactly?

Is it really necessary to come into this thread and insult everyone here about "buying into a pity party"?
There were plenty of posters here using completely non emotional language, and gio said a lot things other guys said but just used more swear words. Did that impress you or is there some other reason you're kissing his ass?

Clearly he "bought into the pity party" as much as everyone else or he wouldn't have spent so much time writing his tough love post.

I'll tell you one thing, sometimes I'm on the fence about a poster's integrity or seriousness or capacity to change, but I try to give the benefit of the doubt, and I still go all out because I know how many others are reading that are having the same issues.

So go break out your passive aggressive "compliments" in another thread because they're serving no real purpose here other than making you look like an asshole.

Rereading what gio has said, yes, if filling out job applications is a major problem, something is really off here. Therapy, medication may be in order? So yeah, I'm sure your attitude is going to work wonders....

[Giovonny]

(12-03-2015 03:30 PM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  

insult everyone here about "buying into a pity party"?

BB,

I don't think offthereservation meant any ill-will with that statement.

He wasn't trying to talk shit about anyone. He was just agreeing with my tough love approach.

Please don't let that "pity party" statement bother you. I don't think it was meant to belittle anyone in this thread.

sincerely,

your online buddy,

Gio

[Jesus Christ]

Nothing cures depression faster than some fresh pussy.

[Beyond Borders]

Gio, I like you. That is clear.

But please don't patronize me with this online buddy stuff. If you had enough of a no bullshit attitude to write the tough love post you did, you also have the no bullshit perspective to go back and read the post I was referring to and see it said exactly what I read.

We're all grown men here.

[Giovonny]

(12-03-2015 04:41 PM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  

patronize me

I wasn't sure what "patronizing" meant, I looked it up -- "to say with a feeling of superiority; talk down to, look down on, put down, treat like a child, treat with disdain"

That is not an accurate description of my tone or intent. I talk to you with full respect, always. I said "online buddy" because I meant it. You're one of the few guys that I would want to hang out with.

--

Okay, back to helping this kid diagnose the cause of his depression.

[Centurion]

(12-03-2015 07:41 AM)CodyB Wrote:  

Bro, I was 19, in New Zealand and feeling pretty shit about my life.

Actually the bullshit until I was about 22, I went travelling and started working. If you've had enough with Uni for the mean time I have a very specific plan of action for you.

Move to Australia
Work a lot
Live in a suburb that attracts a lot of immigrants

In Australia you will find a job earning $45,000 a year EASILY provided you are articulate and technologically literate. You should be able to find 'cash' work in hospitality or something similar. In a place like Sydney, you can easily work >60 hours a week if you want. Move to an immigrant area like around Ashfield, Hurstville, Flemington or Lidcombe. You will find the sense of community in these areas to be very strong. Hipster areas are cliquish and hipsters are faggots.

After all expenses, you could find yourself saving $600 a week. You can find return flights on the regular to Asia for <$600.

Good thing about this is you can return to your studies either in OZ or back to NZ, there's nothing locking you in. But right now a lot of your depression may be attributed to your environment.

Besides the money, why was Aus significantly better than NZ?

What's the advantage of the immigrant areas? Not to be xenophobic, but I identify more with western culture. What kind of immigrants are they and what kind of sense of community do they have?

Now this is getting me curious. If Aus, the place everyone bashes on RVF, is better than NZ, I'm starting to actually gain hope for life/the world...

[Centurion]

(12-03-2015 02:59 PM)Giovonny Wrote:  

long post

Reading "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" by David D. Burns, he talks about similar things, about my thoughts and feelings not being "real". I plan to read it and try and use those techniques.

(12-03-2015 02:59 PM)Giovonny Wrote:  

Cold Approaching is not king. I don't believe Roosh has ever said this.

"Trying hard" is not enough. You must try smarter, healthier, and in a way that is more loving and accepting of yourself.

You are trying too hard and putting too much pressure on yourself.

Instead of trying harder to cold approach, you should be trying harder to love yourself.

Just curious, why do you cold approach so much if it's not that helpful making you feel better?

(12-03-2015 02:59 PM)Giovonny Wrote:  

Wait!?!?!?!?

The job applications seem like a huge barrier?!?!?!?!?

Oh shit!

Answering a few questions seems like a huge barrier?

Filling out a few forms seems like a huge barrier?

What the fuck???

You have bigger problems than game and girls.

You can not complete simple tasks that are required for modern living.

Why is the job application such a huge barrier?

Don't you do homework in school?

If you don't have the mental wherewithal to complete a job application.. How the fuck are you going to survive the modern world?

Now, I'm actually worried about you. I suspect that your parents have not properly prepared you for life.

Please explain..

You sound really fearful but I guess I should practise not letting my emotions control me, so I won't buy into it. I don't actually do homework- I often skip it because it's too overwhelming. Depression does that to ya. I've actually tried a bit of applications(not necessarily seriously trying), and it feels really demotivating getting rejected time and time again.

[Off The Reservation]

(12-03-2015 03:30 PM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  

^ offthereservation what is your problem, exactly?

Thanks for asking read on;

Is it really necessary to come into this thread and insult everyone here about "buying into a pity party"?

Yes it is necessary to state, although it is not an insult to anyone. Its a bit of rhetoric to distinguish between those that gave good heartfelt advice and those that called out inconsistencies or exaggeration on the part of OP. Reread my statement prior about when someone is justified to use the devastating language used by OP.

There were plenty of posters here using completely non emotional language, and gio said a lot things other guys said but just used more swear words. Did that impress you or is there some other reason you're kissing his ass?

He impressed me so I wanted to kiss his ass. Swear words aside the content of the reply was different and frankly it was great. It stands on its own and stands up to reason. Not falling for the pity party means not engaging the poison self pity that makes up most of the OP attitude by rewarding it with more pity. This is a damn men's forum for chrissake, what the fuck is wrong with saying to somefuckingone that its fucking bullshit that they cant fill out a shitty job applifuckingcation.

Clearly he "bought into the pity party" as much as everyone else or he wouldn't have spent so much time writing his tough love post.

Mee too.

I'll tell you one thing, sometimes I'm on the fence about a poster's integrity or seriousness or capacity to change, but I try to give the benefit of the doubt, and I still go all out because I know how many others are reading that are having the same issues.

I can see that. Nothing wrong there.

So go break out your passive aggressive "compliments" in another thread because they're serving no real purpose here other than making you look like an asshole.

You really don't like the Chopper Reid comedy I originally posted.

Rereading what gio has said, yes, if filling out job applications is a major problem, something is really off here. Therapy, medication may be in order? So yeah, I'm sure your attitude is going to work wonders....

OP has the opportunity to choose the attitude that will get him the outcomes he desires and wants. Actually work wonders is the correct phrase because anyone know that snapping out of self pity and replacing it with action does indeed work wonders. I see that OP did not really answer any of the important content like deactivating fb...

[Beyond Borders]

(12-03-2015 11:28 PM)Giovonny Wrote:  

(12-03-2015 04:41 PM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  

patronize me

I wasn't sure what "patronizing" meant, I looked it up -- "to say with a feeling of superiority; talk down to, look down on, put down, treat like a child, treat with disdain"

That is not an accurate description of my tone or intent. I talk to you with full respect, always. I said "online buddy" because I meant it. You're one of the few guys that I would want to hang out with.

(12-04-2015 02:05 AM)offthereservation Wrote:  

Yes it is necessary to state, although it is not an insult to anyone.

It's all good, guys. I think I was a bit hasty in firing at you two and using such a combative tone and language. Not the first time I've done that, so I apologize. And Gio, I agree with that sentiment.

[CodyB]

(12-03-2015 11:38 PM)Centurion Wrote:  

(12-03-2015 07:41 AM)CodyB Wrote:  

Bro, I was 19, in New Zealand and feeling pretty shit about my life.

Actually the bullshit until I was about 22, I went travelling and started working. If you've had enough with Uni for the mean time I have a very specific plan of action for you.

Move to Australia
Work a lot
Live in a suburb that attracts a lot of immigrants

In Australia you will find a job earning $45,000 a year EASILY provided you are articulate and technologically literate. You should be able to find 'cash' work in hospitality or something similar. In a place like Sydney, you can easily work >60 hours a week if you want. Move to an immigrant area like around Ashfield, Hurstville, Flemington or Lidcombe. You will find the sense of community in these areas to be very strong. Hipster areas are cliquish and hipsters are faggots.

After all expenses, you could find yourself saving $600 a week. You can find return flights on the regular to Asia for <$600.

Good thing about this is you can return to your studies either in OZ or back to NZ, there's nothing locking you in. But right now a lot of your depression may be attributed to your environment.

Besides the money, why was Aus significantly better than NZ?

What's the advantage of the immigrant areas? Not to be xenophobic, but I identify more with western culture. What kind of immigrants are they and what kind of sense of community do they have?

Now this is getting me curious. If Aus, the place everyone bashes on RVF, is better than NZ, I'm starting to actually gain hope for life/the world...

As someone who has lived in both places, let me outline a few key
advantages to Australia.

MONEY - if you work in a mediocre job in Australia you will likely earn 45% more than you would in the same job in NZ

WEATHER - Anywhere Between Sydney and Sunshine Coast on the East Coast has far superior weather to NZ. Check the links between depression and shit weather. I don't miss the southerlies in NZ for sure.

WOMEN - While not the greatest in the world, Australia's metro areas have a far better array of women then you would find in NZ. NZ females are generally disgusting and in my mind undateable. Even a lot of the good looking girls act all hood and dress/make themselves up in a way that detracts from their physical attractiveness.

PETTY CRIME - Petty crime is rampant in NZ.

ACESSABILITY - Australia is closer culturally and geographically to the East. Save some money and go to Asia and it's not a hassle at all. It's significantly more difficult from NZ because A) flights cost more B) you will have less money C) you have to fly further

I reccomended you move to an immigrant area because you seemed disheartened by going to an event and the only people that were nice to you were the ones that wanted something (money) from you. Go live amongst some nepalese, cambodians, vietnamese, eastern europeans who a generation ago lived in poverty. They are PSYCHED to be where they are and in those areas there is a strong sense of community spirit and new people are welcomed and often more likely to build social circles because there are people in the same boat.

On top of that, I am not a doctor, I don't know your situation but don't concede to your diagnosis. IT seems like a lot of people get diagnosed with anxiety and depression and escape into a cycle of narcissism and self pity. You've got to make the best of your situation and you have plenty of options. My option was just one.

You're 19, you don't know what is out there and I think you should biff UNI for now and go out and make some money and build some confidence. IT will be a different game when you decide to go back.

Good luck

[GlobalMan]

The different approaches can be valid depending on the situation. As none of us really know what is truly going on with this guy, it's impossible to know what the best treatment is just from what he wrote here.

Sometimes people who say they are 'depressed' and throwing a pity party aren't really depressed, they are just stuck in a negative thought pattern, and need the tough love 'get your ass moving' solution, and it can work in a great number of situations.

Other times, it is true depression, a chemical imbalance. Now, that be fixed a variety of ways, both without medication or with it. But one of the ways isn't telling them "snap out of it!" or "ignore your negative thoughts!". It doesn't work like that for clinical depression. In fact those approaches can send the person into a deeper spiral. They don't have the emotional stability to either handle that type of approach nor act on the suggestion anyway.

What the OP describes about the not even being able to fill out an application fits in perfectly with what people with clinical depression often feel, its not just being lazy. Normal daily tasks can feel like huge burdens, getting the smallest things done become a chore, or seen as pointless. Even continuing to maintain normal hygiene can feel like a burden to them.

My best friend had depression. He dealt with it on and off for 10 years, would seem fine for a while, then periods of not even leaving his apartment. You can't always tell what they are truly feeling, and their mood can swing in just a short time.

A couple years ago, I had just got back from Colombia, hadn't seen him in over a year, so he spent the weekend at my place and we went out and had a blast hitting up the bars, gaming girls, and a conversation about life and how he was feeling. On Sunday night when he left, he text me that he really felt positive about the future, excited about some ideas we discussed, and what a great time we had. On Monday around 4 or 5am my phone rang, I picked it up and looked and it was him, then put it down and rolled over because it was early as hell and I was tired. Later that morning when I got up I saw there was a text from him, asking if we could talk. I tried calling him a couple times without answer, but that was normal for him not to answer. Next day, Tuesday, I got a call from a detective who wanted to know if I could answer some questions about my friend. He had killed himself.

----

We do not know what the state of this guys mind really is, we do not know which approach he needs. He absolutely needs to see someone about this, sooner rather than later. We can give him some good advice, but he needs more than that.

OP, I urge you to go get some professional help.

And to everyone else- If someone you care about calls late night, answer the phone no matter what. It's a regret I will have for the rest of my life.