Depression making me feel hopeless about life
02-06-2016, 06:51 AM
Something from the OP about the beta/average guys you see with hot girls.
I see it too and when you are working hard cold approaching, you cannot help but be angry and bitter that these guys are getting laid by hot women, the same guys who wouldn't ever have the balls to cold approach except when blind drunk in a bar at 3am. Even then most guys are too scared and just go home with lighter pockets and a hangover.
It is long been agreed that the western dating marketplace is rigged against men, so that you have to be increasingly excellent just to get average girls. But why then in the western world do we see the majority of hot girls hand in hand with betas, average guys or slightly better than average guys at best?
I believe comparing social circle, where these men meet these girls, to any form of cold approach is a recipe for mental disaster. It is comparing apples and oranges and that is to put it lightly. When I was in high school, I grew up with a lot of my female classmates since the age of 3-4. Others came later when we entered middle school. So by the time I was 18, I had known these girls either for 14+ years, or 7+ years, and a few in between. That is a lot of time. A lot of time of doing nothing. Then suddenly out of the 999999 opportunities to be alone with one of these girls, we start making out. From 16-18 I had a pool of girls that I had known for years, who lived just a few houses, streets or at most a couple blocks away from me. Almost every single difficulty that we have in cold approach is erased by social circle, from getting her back out to see you again to logistics to comfort, everything.
It takes a Herculean effort from me to get a girl from cold approach of similar quality to a girl I would have gotten 15 years ago. And when I started cold approach, for years, the quality was worse, sometimes much worse to the point of me being enraged.
So why try cold approach? Well, I noticed in high school that although I was getting with these girls and some of them were in love with me, what would happen when high school ended? I also got bored of the limited variety of girls. There was also high average quality, but I would occasionally see a stunner on the street or in the store and thought to myself, how do I get THAT? For what I was getting in social circle with no cold approach experience, like the average guys we both see out with hot girls, I had my own price to pay.
The price of social circle is that it takes a lot of time and effort to establish at first, and it is very fragile. There is a hidden fixed cost which goes along with blindly fumbling your way through life as these men do. I don't think they are particularly strong because they "hold frame", I think they "hold frame" because they are pretty dumb and deluded. Stupid guys who can somehow bury their heads in the sand and remain "blue pill" have the advantage that they are less likely to get depressed. They just keep going in their lives and through school, work, friends or family they stumble upon a girl and fumble their way in. It's hardly glorious. There is hidden hard work that you're not seeing, the day to day grind. It's not directly aimed at getting girls, as purposeful cold approach is, but it is time and effort spent nonetheless.
I have talked to quite a lot of these men and on numerous occasions with their girlfriends to see how they met and what the relationship dynamics are like. I figured if I saw them out, instead of getting angry I would get some data so that I could improve myself. I found out that many of these relationships had lasted years, and the girls had cheated once, twice and even three times, and been forgiven every time. The man is forced to surrender a great portion of his self-respect, due to the fragility of social circle. If you make the wrong move in a social circle, you can be ostracized. If you screw up with one girl, there isn't a revolving door of dense foot traffic as in day game, there is very limited supply. I felt this myself in high school. Some men accept this existence of quiet desperation and acceptance, but I cannot, as they do, live with my head held high if a woman is calling the shots in the relationship.
Cold approach is brutal. It is not for everyone. But some men just have the predisposition towards it. Even if they fail in the end, they cannot help but go after the greatest numbers, the greatest varieties, a way of meeting women that is not at the mercy of the whims of any one given woman. Accept that it is harder work in the direct sense but that is the price you pay. Do not envy those betas/average men, because believe me, they are paying their own price. You don't see it as you see them walking hand in hand with a hot girlfriend while you are getting blown out on the streets, but the grass is always greener on the other side, as they say. No one can escape the dynamics of the marketplace.
Once you accept the huge disadvantages and huge advantages of cold approach and social circle simultaneously, the negative feelings you have gradually recede.
