[Centurion]

I feel like there is barely anything to live for anymore. Even the few hobbies I do have, I'm just going through the motions just to keep me going, or "distract" me from my actual suffering, as it were, not necessarily having passion for it. I've been approaching/daygaming girls left and right with miscellaneous PUA style game, but mainly Roosh style indirect, and it's annoying how not-open girls are.

I went to this free neighborhood park festival, because a bunch of my Facebook friends were going, and was so disappointed in how boring it was, not to mention how not-open strangers are to you unless they wanted to sell you something. Or even if they didn't sell you anything or they knew you wouldn't buy- they would only be friendly in the context of they had a stall you were visiting. Not like a genuine human connection.

I felt betrayed by my Facebook friends and how bad their tastes of stuff are. Not to mention- I didn't see any of them there, and I was there the whole day. Most likely most of them didn't turn up anyways. A few months ago, when I was desperate for some social connection, I would diligently go along to things everyone on FB was, only to realise the same thing- it was horribly boring, and no one I knew actually went. I actually gave up on that for months- I did this again after I got motivated to meet people and experience "life" again.

It was like people only go to that kind of stuff with their existing friends(or if they went by themselves, it was cause they were introverted and wanted to stay by themselves). But that seems very retarded- the festival(or other events/concerts) were so laughably boring that it's such a retarded reason. If I did have friends I could reliably hang out with, we wouldn't be going to this. I wouldn't say I'm creative- but I definitely have many ideas about interesting things to do. So would my friends, probably. The fact that I'm going to that event anyway suggests I can't hang out with my friends- so want to hang out with strangers and make new friends. But why don't people understand that? Why am I meant to feel so weird and out of place for thinking this? It's not weird that I want to make new friends at a public place- it's weird that everyone is so insular with their own little group and they haven't thought up anything better to do than go to this shithole.

I know I've had many girls like me in the past, and even have this one current prospect(social circle/gymnastics class) seem likely. But being rejected time and again is super frustrating. Not to mention I live in an area with virtually no hot girls. The times they do go out to events like this, they are either with a guy/guys or with a group(sometimes a pair). It's not very fair how there aren't any hot girls on their own. I think Roosh or someone similar said something like "In daygame, forget about approaching girls who aren't on their own", and in my experience, I totally agree because groupthink and cockblocking completely shut you down, so I'm not motivated to approach them. The trouble is, then you spend a lot of time "hunting" around and spending hours walking in order to find a hot girl who is by herself. It feels way worse when the rejection inevitably happens because the approach opportunity would be so rare.

A lot of the time, especially because of depression, you really start to doubt yourself and whether you are worth anything. But often when I walk around, I just observe the hot girls when they do exist. Almost always with a guy, so I tend to observe the guy as well. At least 30% of the time, the guy is quite beta. Way more than me. Or even if I'm skinny/not that tall/good looking, the guy won't actually be in shape, so maybe he looks worse than me. Quite obviously he got her through social circle(unless he paid for her, or I guess is her coke supply). But it's not fair how these betas are getting girls through social circle while I'm just being rejected so hard from cold approaches even though I'm actually way more alpha than them and can actually hold frame etc.

I know this was long, and sounded really whiny. I'm on the tail end of a huge depression low- at times was tempted to kill myself after that festival. But I do want to get better and move forward from this.

[Schlep]

Just hang in there man. We all go through bad periods in our lives. I went through a really shitty divorce. Trust me man. I know.....sounds like you need a vacation.

[Windom Earle]

First off, welcome to the Forum - you've come to the right place.

My advice is as follows:

1. Deactivate your Facebook account

What the fuck is a Facebook friend? If they aren't people you have met in real life and have a common bond/interest with or provide value in some way, they're not really friends.

2. Clean up your diet and hit the gym

You are what you eat, so if you eat crap, it will inevitably have a detrimental impact on your thoughts, not to mention your confidence when you see how out of shape you've become (which I assume you are).

Hit the gym and lift heavy weights. Seek out advice if you're a beginner, whether it be through a physical trainer or resources online.

Your confidence will skyrocket when you start to see and feel positive changes, which translates to getting noticed more by women. Change up your wardrobe to complete the package. Maintain good posture.

3. Take responsibility for your own plot in life

Women aren't going to fall at your feet and excuses won't get you anywhere. Put in the hard work like everyone else does around here - results will come in time; not immediately. What's more, moping about events and things being shit is a poor attitude to have. Make your own fun, don't expect it to come to you. You aren't entitled to anything, but you have the power to get what you want if you have a clear vision and discipline.

4. Lower your expectations to avoid disappointment

Your emotional turmoil is fueled by your perception that things (outside of your control) should be a certain way. Control what you can - yourself. Focus less on others and their presupposed substandard actions.

5. Be thankful

Be thankful for the little things in life that are going good for you.

I presume that you have a functional cock and two nuts in those nutsacks, possess reasonable intelligence and aren't significantly handicapped in any way, don't have a debilitating disease (save for the mental one, which is changeable) and have access to clean water and nutritious food?

These are all things that we take for granted, but deserve to be acknowledged on a daily basis for the gifts that they are.

[Marshallaw]

(11-28-2015 04:50 AM)Windom Earle Wrote:  

First off, welcome to the Forum - you've come to the right place.

My advice is as follows:

1. Deactivate your Facebook account

What the fuck is a Facebook friend? If they aren't people you have met in real life and have a common bond/interest with or provide value in some way, they're not really friends.

2. Clean up your diet and hit the gym

You are what you eat, so if you eat crap, it will inevitably have a detrimental impact on your thoughts, not to mention your confidence when you see how out of shape you've become (which I assume you are).

Hit the gym and lift heavy weights. Seek out advice if you're a beginner, whether it be through a physical trainer or resources online.

Your confidence will skyrocket when you start to see and feel positive changes, which translates to getting noticed more by women. Change up your wardrobe to complete the package. Maintain good posture.

3. Take responsibility for your own plot in life

Women aren't going to fall at your feet and excuses won't get you anywhere. Put in the hard work like everyone else does around here - results will come in time; not immediately. What's more, moping about events and things being shit is a poor attitude to have. Make your own fun, don't expect it to come to you. You aren't entitled to anything, but you have the power to get what you want if you have a clear vision and discipline.

4. Lower your expectations to avoid disappointment

Your emotional turmoil is fueled by your perception that things (outside of your control) should be a certain way. Control what you can - yourself. Focus less on others and their presupposed substandard actions.

5. Be thankful

Be thankful for the little things in life that are going good for you.

I presume that you have a functional cock and two nuts in those nutsacks, possess reasonable intelligence and aren't significantly handicapped in any way, don't have a debilitating disease (save for the mental one, which is changeable) and have access to clean water and nutritious food?

These are all things that we take for granted, but deserve to be acknowledged on a daily basis for the gifts that they are.

Can't get any better advice than this. Also you seem to be holding women up as some sort of goal. Big no no!!! Pump and dump a few times. Change your goals, as above make your goals about you and those close to you. Otherwise the vast majority of others will eventually disappoint you.
Grow a thick coat of armour. You'll need it.
Travel more. Few months ago I went hiking in the mountains on my own for 2 weeks. Met others. Forgot about everything. Hiking about 25 to 30 miles a day. All you think about are your legs, feet and the next rest area.
Do stuff...... good luck......

[Anabasis to Desta]

Quote:

If I did have friends I could reliably hang out with, we wouldn't be going to this. I wouldn't say I'm creative- but I definitely have many ideas about interesting things to do.

Instead of focusing on girls and their rejections I would focus on finding solid group of guy friends for now. The primary utility of friendships is not about having "interesting things to do" but the simple warmth of human interaction which can do wonders to your attitude and even cure your depression. Having a couple cool dudes to chill with will open opportunities to meet other other guys you might have more in common with and girl you might want to fuck.

Nobody likes a loner.

Quote:

It's not very fair how there aren't any hot girls on their own. I think Roosh or someone similar said something like "In daygame, forget about approaching girls who aren't on their own", and in my experience, I totally agree because groupthink and cockblocking completely shut you down, so I'm not motivated to approach them. The trouble is, then you spend a lot of time "hunting" around and spending hours walking in order to find a hot girl who is by herself. It feels way worse when the rejection inevitably happens because the approach opportunity would be so rare.

You should not be spending hours walking around trying to find a hot girl! I would rather do Roosh's one approach a day routine. http://www.rooshv.com/one-approach-a-day

Up it to 3 approaches a day if you feel like it but there is no reason to spend your most important resource doing what you described. Improve your life in other arenas.

Maybe it feels like a deep hole that is impossible to crawl out of ... for now.

Be a man on a mission. Set some goals; fitness-wise, school/career, hobbies etc ... Once you start getting even the smallest results you start building momentum in your life and i promise you the way you walk, talk and act will start to change. Other people will take notice. You become a man with alignment. Girls can sense that and will become more open to your approaches.

Quote:

But it's not fair how these betas are getting girls through social circle while I'm just being rejected so hard from cold approaches even though I'm actually way more alpha than them and can actually hold frame

Those betas have a lot more frame that you think because they are happier than you. It is hard to hold frame when you are depressed.

I'm really just shooting in the dark here however. I would like to know more about you ... how old are you? You sound 18. Are you in college or HS? What country? We might give you more tailored advice that way.

And thanks for your honesty bro. Admitting depression and failure is certainly not easy.

[thoughtgypsy]

First, some tough love. I've known people who suffered from depression, they can be hard to be around. Your post didn't mention a single positive as far as I can tell. You need to control your negativity. When people communicate, we often mirror each other's emotions. If you're always being negative, it's draining to other people and they'll want to avoid interacting with you. It may be hard to get out of that mindset, but there are things to do that can help.

The points in Windom Earle's post are spot on. As a man, life is harder for us and nobody owes us anything. It sucks, but that's how it is. I don't know how old you are, but I've noticed that a lot of younger guys are entering the real world with an entitlement mindset and having trouble adapting. If you're not happy, it's nobody's fault but yourself. Do whatever you can to fix the things that make you unhappy. If you don't like your area, move. Don't make excuses like "well I can't move because xx", because that's just a cop out. You are responsible for your life. If it takes 4 years of intense study, finding a good career, and interviewing with 100 companies for you to move, then that's what you have to do. If you find something beyond your control, like height for instance, one saying that always gave me comfort was the serenity prayer:

Quote:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Start with the easiest things first. They will reinforce your motivation to continue improving and give you positive momentum. I second Windom Earle's suggestion to hit the gym. Start with bodyweight exercises for a few weeks, and when you start lifting heavy weights, consult an expert or youtube to make sure your form is right. Get a copy of starting strength for a good starter routine. You can read about what I do for an easy routine here. Once you know what you're doing, it only takes 30 minutes 3 times a week, or about 10 minutes on average a day to get a great body and feel great.

You'll be challenging yourself, making big improvements every week that reinforce a sense of accomplishment, and looking better. For the amount of time you invest, it's hard to beat weightlifting. It also has the benefit of raising your testosterone, which has a huge effect on your emotional state. Weightlifting, along with changing my body language, had a massive effect on my confidence and I would never go back to life before weights.

Get your style in order. This is something that is completely in your power, so your efforts here will have a huge pay off. The average guy has shit style and it's easy for you to stand out this way. The basics: get clothes that conform to your physique for a tailored look, get a pair of dark jeans, a few nice dress shirts, a cool watch, and good shoes. Don't wear sneakers and white socks with long pants and a nice shirt. If you're short, you can read my considerations for shorter guys.

Travel. Travel has gotten me out of a slump through some of my darkest time. Sometimes just putting yourself in a new environment has a huge effect. Even if you're totally bored, traveling forces you to focus on logistics: What flight do I catch, what hotel? What places do I want to see? What neighborhoods are safe? What are the best places to eat? How will I get around? Pushing yourself into a new area gives you an easy excuse to socialize with strangers: you can ask questions like "Hey I'm visiting for the weekend, do you know a good restaurant near here?" etc. Find a place you've always wanted to see, then save money by using http://www.theflightdeal.com/ and http://matrix.itasoftware.com/ to find flight deals, airbnb for lodging, and uber for getting around. Use http://www.tripadvisor.com/ for ideas of things to do in each city. If you're on a budget, you can just drive to a nearby city and start exploring.

If you're drinking often, smoking weed, masturbating more than once a week, or drinking more than 4 cups of coffee, you should consider tapering off. All of those activities will fuck with your dopamine and serotonin levels, and if you burn them out, you'll feel tired and depressed when you're not "on" them. I was guilty of this and I'm cutting down my drinking, and feeling much better so far.

If those still don't work, it might be an inherent condition. Some people are naturally chemically imbalanced. Try using L-theanine and Ashwagandha supplements to relieve your symptoms. They naturally relieve anxiety and have low or no side effects, but are mild compared to drugs. I wouldn't advise using SSRIs if you're a young male, as they can drive you towards extreme violence. Use an NAC supplement, which has been shown to be very effective at relieving oxidative stress, and as a result depression. Read MikeCF's post on using NAC to treat depression: http://www.dangerandplay.com/2014/07/21/...n-anxiety/

Give yourself missions you can be passionate about. That alone will relieve a lot of the "going through the motions" drudgery of a normal day. Stop making excuses and practice what Windom Earle lays out. Once you develop a positive outlook, people will be naturally drawn to you. This forum has fantastic advice for transforming your lifestyle and improving your life. Use the search function or browse the lifestyle section for ideas that might benefit you.

Finally, give yourself credit. You've recognized something you want to change, and you've already made steps towards it. You're on here seeking insight, and you've come to the right place. You've pushed yourself out of your comfort zone into new social environments, which a lot of people don't have the balls to do. Keep going man.

[roberto]

[quote='thoughtgypsy' pid='1158857' dateline='1448717667']
Try using L-theanine and Ashwagandha supplements to relieve your symptoms.

Watermelon is rich in L-theanine. It's tasty, loaded with vitamins and will go a long way to ensure you are taking in sufficient fluids, which is important for physical and mental wellbeing.

I always felt great in the summer after a gym session and half a melon. I knew of the benefits to recovery from L-thenine, but mental health is a new one fo rme, thanks gypsy. Shame they get so expensive in the winter.

[thoughtgypsy]

(11-28-2015 09:26 AM)roberto Wrote:  

Watermelon is rich in L-theanine. It's tasty, loaded with vitamins and will go a long way to ensure you are taking in sufficient fluids, which is important for physical and mental wellbeing.

I always felt great in the summer after a gym session and half a melon. I knew of the benefits to recovery from L-thenine, but mental health is a new one fo rme, thanks gypsy. Shame they get so expensive in the winter.

Thanks, I didn't know that. L-theanine is also found in green tea. One thing I didn't mention is a lot of those supplements have multiple benefits. Green tea also has polyphenols and antioxidants which help reduce the effects of aging. NAC is a precursor to glutathione, which is necessary for healthy liver function.

[Fortis]

I would suggest these things:

1. More exercise

2. More vitamin d3

3.more time spent with people who make you happy.

4. Persevere

Depression happens but don't let it rule you. Trust me when I say I have been there and I know it sucks.

[RoastBeefCurtains4Me]

(11-28-2015 12:05 PM)Fortis Wrote:  

I would suggest these things:

1. More exercise

2. More vitamin d3

3.more time spent with people who make you happy.

4. Persevere

Depression happens but don't let it rule you. Trust me when I say I have been there and I know it sucks.

This^^

Life changes over time. Follow the advice above, it's very good. But when you start, you'll probably still be feeling bad for a while, maybe quite a while. This is where perseverance comes in. Don't give up. Double down on your efforts to build a better life for your self. In time, you move into a new season of life, and you look back and see that you don't feel like you did when you were depressed.

Like others, I've been there too. I've had several down periods in my life, but the worst was around age 22, where I wasn't getting laid, wasn't getting anywhere with building a career, and just thought life sucked. It's wasn't just that life was hard. Somehow, whether chemical or whatever, I was extremely down emotionally. However, I kept plugging along, and a year later I had a high paying job, a large new circle of friends, and I was in love.

It's been a long time ago, and I'm remembering the details as I write this. While I was depressed, I met a girl I was interested in, and ended up entering her friend zone instead of getting her as a girl friend. At a certain point, I had a revelation, where I realized I was tired of this bullshit, and if she didn't want me, then I'd find someone who would. I felt I was a good catch, and wasn't going to put up with this situation. My life turned around literally within days after reaching this mindset. I had similar mindset shifts on several other occasions as well, with similar results.

In fact, I've been fighting to achieve a new mindset shift recently, and haven't quite stumbled on to the right set of thoughts, that will kick me over into a new approach to life. I've been reading Gorilla Mindset, and working on this. I feel like I've got the outline of this new mindset, but it hasn't quite kicked me over the hump as far as shifting my motivations and attitudes. It's close, though, I can feel it.

[texas]

Excellent advice by Windom Earle and thoughtgypsy.

You need to change your inner dialogue to be less negative. Change your vocabulary man. Don't ever use phrases like "I can't" or "not fair" and really just attempt to not articulate negative things in general. Do not even think that shit in your mind silently. It sounds like you are stuck in your head and also online a lot. One way to avoid that is to force yourself to be out in public spaces. Get out of the house. Get a second job just to meet people. Take a cooking class or a language class. Both of those things will greatly enhance your life if you stick them out. Talk to more people in your gymnastics class. Meet up with productive mother fuckers from this forum who live in the area. Talk to anybody you can, male or female. Tell three chicks a day you like their earrings or whatever even when you don't. It's good practice. Include yourself in the world more so it can include you.

Related to Windom Earle's third point about responsibility, own your situation and think in terms of solutions. You don't like where you are right now in life and have recognized it. That's great man, now make it a personal challenge to change it. The responses on this thread are great knowledge filtered and funneled to address this specific situation because a lot of us on this forum have gone through similar shit and trialed and errored it and we can tell you that these solutions we are positing work. Most people look at things and make excuses instead of looking for solutions. They have a victim mentality. Print out these responses and read them and implement them. It will help you man.

[kbell]

Is this clinical depression or just happened recently?

[Dusty]

How old are you OP? You sound young. If that's the case, I envy you! You have a lot of time to turns thing around and create a great life for yourself.

Your depression is a result of how you think about things. Your inner dialogue. Your philosophies and core beliefs about the world and how you fit into it. I created a thread on Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy (REBT) that I recommend you read througoughly. I also suggest you buy the book I reviewed in the thread, and read it simultaneously.

One of the faulty core beliefs you have, and I see it in your OP, is that you think people and the universe should behave a certain way, and when it doesn't it's unfair. You used the term "unfair" a couple times. This is a major cause of your depression. You get overly frustrated, and then depressed because the world and people don't want to do what you expect them to do. They won't.

Some good advice from others in this thread. Use this time to calmly plan and prepare for the future. Work out. Work on a career that allows you to move to a better place. Continue to approach and tighten your social skills, and learn to accept rejection and tolerate frustrations without over heated emotions. Accept that your friends can be lame. So what, don't let them hold you back. Role dolo if you have to.

[Centurion]

Hey guys, thanks for the responses. I feel depressed to varying degrees, though at the time of the post I felt really sad and negative, something which isn't rare but isn't common either. Fortunately I feel better now, I still think what I thought, but don't feel negative about it for now.

I read everything and want to respond to them all, but I'll start with the ones I feel is easiest and then try to do the rest later.

(11-28-2015 04:50 AM)Windom Earle Wrote:  

What's more, moping about events and things being shit is a poor attitude to have. Make your own fun, don't expect it to come to you.

...

4. Lower your expectations to avoid disappointment

Your emotional turmoil is fueled by your perception that things (outside of your control) should be a certain way. Control what you can - yourself. Focus less on others and their presupposed substandard actions.

I completely agree. But what sort of fun can I make, and how? I really need help with this. Depression has made almost everything I've been doing not-fun, but new activities probably would help as long as I align with them, it seems really daunting to find out.

Would be more curious about the "lowering your expectations" thing. I definitely feel it's true- but it makes me feel even more alone as no one seems to think like I do.

(11-28-2015 06:42 AM)Marshallaw Wrote:  

Can't get any better advice than this. Also you seem to be holding women up as some sort of goal. Big no no!!! Pump and dump a few times. Change your goals, as above make your goals about you and those close to you.

I'm feeling really horny atm and need some sexual release. But what sort of goals would you recommend I change to?

(11-28-2015 07:49 AM)Anabasis to Desta Wrote:  

Instead of focusing on girls and their rejections I would focus on finding solid group of guy friends for now. The primary utility of friendships is not about having "interesting things to do" but the simple warmth of human interaction which can do wonders to your attitude and even cure your depression. Having a couple cool dudes to chill with will open opportunities to meet other other guys you might have more in common with and girl you might want to fuck.

I agree with this, and that was part of the reason why I wanted to go and make friends with strangers this way. Where can I find this solid group of guy friends? It seems very hard to break in.

(11-28-2015 07:49 AM)Anabasis to Desta Wrote:  

You should not be spending hours walking around trying to find a hot girl! I would rather do Roosh's one approach a day routine. http://www.rooshv.com/one-approach-a-day

The trouble with this is even if I only do one approach a day I would still be spending maybe 20 minutes trying to find a hot girl, on her own, who may seem receptive to an approach(isn't on the street walking super fast). All in all, it's very draining because there aren't many hot girls around. Plus if I was going to do it at a certain time, I might as well go all in and get 4-5 approaches. Perhaps I should give up on game? (Despite all my negativity about this, daygame still is way superior than other forms of game for my sanity)

(11-28-2015 07:49 AM)Anabasis to Desta Wrote:  

Those betas have a lot more frame that you think because they are happier than you. It is hard to hold frame when you are depressed.

I'm really just shooting in the dark here however. I would like to know more about you ... how old are you? You sound 18. Are you in college or HS? What country? We might give you more tailored advice that way.

I don't always feel *this* depressed, and I like to think I can fake being positive easily enough.

I'm 19, in New Zealand. I'm in university atm- although I'm having serious doubts about the usefulness of it and am really tempted to drop out. I want to work and all, but the CVs and job application seem like a huge barrier that I just have to push through.

(11-28-2015 08:34 AM)thoughtgypsy Wrote:  

First, some tough love. I've known people who suffered from depression, they can be hard to be around. Your post didn't mention a single positive as far as I can tell. You need to control your negativity. When people communicate, we often mirror each other's emotions. If you're always being negative, it's draining to other people and they'll want to avoid interacting with you. It may be hard to get out of that mindset, but there are things to do that can help.

This post probably seemed way more negative than usual because of a couple of reasons- I was really depressed when I wrote this, but also I have to suppress my negativity and the rants that are going through my head when I'm with others. I like to think I'm actually pretty positive when I talk to people.

(11-28-2015 12:05 PM)Fortis Wrote:  

3.more time spent with people who make you happy.

Where do you find these people? I've been trying relatively hard on this point in particular without success.

(11-28-2015 01:05 PM)kbell Wrote:  

Is this clinical depression or just happened recently?

It's been going on for over 5 years. It actually was way worse than this.

[kbell]

thread-29332.html

I'm going through something similar. Its a work in progress. Fapping too much really reduces energy and zest for life too.

[Neo]

Lots of good advice already in this thread.

Here are two things that have contributed to me being depressed in the past that are often overlooked. I really believe that even if you do everything else right these two can drag you back down.

1) Social isolation.

I made the mistake of moving into an apartment that's pretty much in the suburbs. It's close to where I work and it's quiet. I really wanted things to be chill so I could focus on work, but it's become way too boring and I'm too isolated. I don't know my neighbors, and I have to drive to gain any meaningful social interaction, not to mention logistics suck.

I notice a HUGE difference in my moods on days I talk with a lot of people vs days I barely interact. On weekdays I get up early go to work and interact with people throughout the day. At night I either train or lift, and do some more work. I'm fine during the week.

Right now I'm not dating anyone and some on some weekends besides grocery shopping or training I really don't interact with anybody. I see some good friends and try to schedule time, but it's not every weekend. I find myself the most depressed on these days.

We all want to just be rich and retire with infinite free time, but if free time isn't spent occupied it leads to depression.

This is something I'm trying to work at because I'm a natural introvert, but I know it's not good for me.

2) No overall purpose in life.

This is a big one for me and I still haven't figured it out. If it were 40-50 years ago I'd be married with a kid and my family would be my purpose in life. But here I am single, older than 30, and sex from slutty girls stopped being satisfying. Right now I just pursue sex for an urge and once I bust the girl doesn't mean shit anymore. No deep connection, nothing. And as I've written in other threads it's becoming increasingly difficult to find a suitable mate.

If you look at many bloggers their overall purpose is fighting for masculinity in the world and helping other men. They've evolved from game blogging to this higher purpose.

For me, while I enjoy my job and have several goals and aspirations I'm working towards, I don't have an overarching purpose and it's something that causes me grief. Just working to make money doesn't do it for me and if that's all you do it can leave you unfulfilled.

When I look deep down in myself I really gain the most satisfaction when I just give something back to a person or a community. Whether it's volunteering, donating, or just having someone thank me for helping them with something. So I'm trying to do more, but then there's the no good deed ever goes unpunished angle which makes you want to say fuck it to most of humanity.

So OP. I recommend in addition to the usual things mentioned, exercise, bright light therapy, REBT, etc. focus on being more socially connected...and do your damnest to create your purpose and live accordingly.

[Off The Reservation]

[thoughtgypsy]

Again, you're blaming other things or people for your problems:

Quote:

Depression has made almost everything I've been doing not-fun

Quote:

makes me feel even more alone as no one seems to think like I do.

You're making excuses for why you won't do things that might improve your life:

Quote:

new activities probably would help as long as I align with them, it seems really daunting to find out.

Quote:

The trouble with this is even if I only do one approach a day I would still be spending maybe 20 minutes trying to find a hot girl, on her own, who may seem receptive to an approach(isn't on the street walking super fast). All in all, it's very draining because there aren't many hot girls around. Plus if I was going to do it at a certain time, I might as well go all in and get 4-5 approaches. Perhaps I should give up on game? (Despite all my negativity about this, daygame still is way superior than other forms of game for my sanity)

Quote:

I'm in university atm- although I'm having serious doubts about the usefulness of it and am really tempted to drop out. I want to work and all, but the CVs and job application seem like a huge barrier that I just have to push through.

It looks to me like your problem is that you've given up before you've even tried, and you refuse to accept responsibility for your lot. Stop making excuses, and start doing. Only once you tried, failed, gotten up, tried again do you have any grounds to complain. And then you have to suck it up and keep trying. This isn't the movies. You're not going to get instant success in anything worthwhile in life. Everything you get you will have to earn through hard work, perseverance, and sacrifice. I know it's hard and it sucks, but that's real life, and it's part of being a man. Your parents won't always be there to hold your hand. Life isn't easy, and it's not fair. But I bet you have it better than 90% of the people in the world for your age. Be thankful for what you have, and accept responsibility for getting the things you don't yet have.

Quote:

Where can I find this solid group of guy friends? It seems very hard to break in.

Quote:

Where do you find these people? I've been trying relatively hard on this point in particular without success.

Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but it sounds like you're looking at friendship from a selfish perspective. If you're at university, many people will be new and anxious to find friends. If it's hard, something can't be right. You can't just show up and find friends like they're a commodity. The important thing about making friends is providing value to them. Offering help, letting them borrow stuff, taking turns buying drinks, making them laugh, listening to them, driving them places, inviting them to parties, etc. But if you're negative with others, it will still be socially draining to them. Until you get a handle on that, making friends will be difficult. It sounds like you've been in this funk for a while and I would consider seeing someone who specializes in depression if I were you. I still would caution you not to let them put you on SSRIs at your age.

What is your major?

Don't make any more excuses until you've answered yes to the following questions:

Are you lifting weights at least 3 times a week?
Have you traveled to a new city and explored it for at least a full day?
Have you done a selfless favor to 3 people in the last week?

You are at an age that is very difficult, because you're being forced to take responsibility for things that you took for granted your whole life. In order to become a man, you have to grind through life to get what you want, without complaint. It's OK to be overwhelmed at first, that's normal. But from now on, you have to always remember that your life is your responsibility. If you're not happy, it's your fault and you're the only one who can change it.

[Bill Brasky]

(11-28-2015 04:50 AM)Windom Earle Wrote:  

First off, welcome to the Forum - you've come to the right place.

My advice is as follows:

1. Deactivate your Facebook account

What the fuck is a Facebook friend? If they aren't people you have met in real life and have a common bond/interest with or provide value in some way, they're not really friends.

2. Clean up your diet and hit the gym

You are what you eat, so if you eat crap, it will inevitably have a detrimental impact on your thoughts, not to mention your confidence when you see how out of shape you've become (which I assume you are).

Hit the gym and lift heavy weights. Seek out advice if you're a beginner, whether it be through a physical trainer or resources online.

Your confidence will skyrocket when you start to see and feel positive changes, which translates to getting noticed more by women. Change up your wardrobe to complete the package. Maintain good posture.

3. Take responsibility for your own plot in life

Women aren't going to fall at your feet and excuses won't get you anywhere. Put in the hard work like everyone else does around here - results will come in time; not immediately. What's more, moping about events and things being shit is a poor attitude to have. Make your own fun, don't expect it to come to you. You aren't entitled to anything, but you have the power to get what you want if you have a clear vision and discipline.

4. Lower your expectations to avoid disappointment

Your emotional turmoil is fueled by your perception that things (outside of your control) should be a certain way. Control what you can - yourself. Focus less on others and their presupposed substandard actions.

5. Be thankful

Be thankful for the little things in life that are going good for you.

I presume that you have a functional cock and two nuts in those nutsacks, possess reasonable intelligence and aren't significantly handicapped in any way, don't have a debilitating disease (save for the mental one, which is changeable) and have access to clean water and nutritious food?

These are all things that we take for granted, but deserve to be acknowledged on a daily basis for the gifts that they are.

I'd also say to former leftist leaning males that have hit an emotional/sexual bottom and are seeking change is to completely relinquish leftist ideologies (i.e. socialism, progressivism, feminism, welfare state, groupthink, most modern media).

Self-improvement in one's own life is by far the most important thing no matter what ideological scheme/regime is currently dominant but seeing these ideological falsehoods for what they are and spreading the truth about them to fellow men will help turn the tide to a more healthy equilibrium which will benefit all and ultimately you.

[Disco_Volante]

The great thing about life in general, is once your school social circles dissolve and you enter the real world, you realize how huge the world is and how it's full of potential happiness if you put in the effort to build your own life.

the vast majority of people stay in their hometown, or home state precisely because it's far easier to stick with what you're comfortable with.

but you could change cities, or even countries where you don't know a single person, and build a life for yourself. Yea, it's a little scary and empty and lonely at first, but it's a blank canvas for you to create.
this is the difference between men and women. sure it's harder, but your potential to create a life for yourself has a far, far higher ceiling than any woman or man who sticks around his hometown.

when you realize how much potential there is in the world, the emptiness you feel is replaced with optimism. This forum is filled with men who have that aggressive optimism and curiosity about the world. So many get a kick out of traveling to some small brazillian town and interacting with people who are completely different and out of the way from their life path...that's what makes it interesting. Also you realize the sheer magnitude of how much hot young pussy is in this world and you stop caring.

[GlobalMan]

(11-28-2015 04:23 PM)offthereservation Wrote:  

-video snipped-

This is one of those cases where you were better off not replying at all.

[Beyond Borders]

(11-28-2015 04:50 AM)Windom Earle Wrote:  

4. Lower your expectations to avoid disappointment

Your emotional turmoil is fueled by your perception that things (outside of your control) should be a certain way. Control what you can - yourself. Focus less on others and their presupposed substandard actions.

Everything Windom Earle wrote was gold, but I wanted to just drop this in here to add to this point:

Give it a watch, OP, and see if it gives you a different perspective on your expectations.

You also should probably check out the Guide to Rational Living thread about this same guy's book here on the forum. And "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" by David D. Burns.

Simply put, your feelings in life are a product of the thoughts about the world, other people, and yourself that you're constructing in your mind. You DO have the ability to change those thoughts, and therein lies the key to changing your mood.

And no, I'm not talking about fluffy positive thinking and law of attraction wishing and wanting. I'm talking about organizing your brain in a fashion that activates different emotions than the ones you're currently activating - there's a lot of research to show the effectiveness of this guy's techniques.

I'll also add a few more items to Windom's list that expand on the notion of not taking life too seriously:

Give Yourself a Prescription of Regular Comedy for Immediate State Change.

When you're feeling down, go to YouTube and start watching comedy clips instead of getting on Facebook.

Now, I know this seems trivial compared to a lot of the advice in this thread, and on the surface it may seem like only a temporary fix, but depression and anger are like snowballs. When you get them rolling, they pick up speed and weight and before long they become almost impossible to control. You want to head it off early on before you let the thoughts run away with themselves, and comedy is a great way to remind yourself not to take the world too seriously and to get a snowball of lighthearted fun-loving feelings going instead.

I turned my back on comedy programs a long time ago because they seemed like a waste of time and an encouragement of shallow thinking and living. But eventually I realized that when I just focus on self-improvement stuff and serious topics and don't interject some light-hearted entertainment into my life, I notice a marked difference in my general personality - much more serious and morose. Far more judgmental of the people around me.

Life is too short to be serious all the time, and as shallow as comedy may seem to be, the cliché that laughter is the best medicine really is true. So tap into Nature's vitamins.

Recently I've begun watching comedy between my work blocks and the difference in my mood throughout the day is tangible. It also gives you a lot of fodder for improving your humor and overall personality - Roosh's usual Seinfeld prescription is a great place to start, of course, and also look up "Craig Ferguson and the girls" clips on YouTube (I think member silviophonic was the first to recommend these?).

Decide That it IS Possible For You to Change Your Mood.

You may feel sometimes like it's not. This is the only reason you would be contemplating suicide - it's the final solution to a problem you're telling yourself is impossible to get out of.

CAVEAT: If you keep having those thoughts, I recommend you consider therapy too. Let's look at it on a completely rational level here, Man. Say you are somehow different and "incurable"; if the final solution is your only one, isn't it at least worth a shot to test that theory out first by talking with someone who has experience helping people just like you first?

Back to deciding it is possible to change. whether you believe that or not, you better lie to yourself for a while then.

In "Feeling Good," he talks about how EVERY single depressed person thinks their case is somehow unique. That their depression is somehow different than everyone else's, that there's something inherently wrong in their brain, that they're "incurable," and that they cannot be fixed by the same means as others. This is the same thinking that holds down so many alcoholics and drug addicts.

The research shows that in the vast majority of cases (excepting those where a real neurosis exists and medicine really is required, which of course, a doc can only tell you anyways), these thoughts are complete bullshit. But these are the thoughts that make helping depressed people really hard.

For example, when I was in high school they talked about putting me on meds for depression and extreme anger issues, and instead I decided I was strong and clever enough to beat my own thoughts and get control of the problem without artificial help. With a few therapy sessions and some honest effort in changing my thought processes, I was able to beat it - ridiculously fast - and I personally think the key to that was the fact that I believed that I could.

It goes back to Albert Ellis' theories, really. If your emotions are a product of your thoughts and you don't believe you can change your thoughts, then how can you hope to give your brain the room to do its work?

So more than anything, you have to decide that it is possible to take control of your mood and your life and scrap these bullshit suicide thoughts completely. Don't beat yourself up about them with this "harden the fuck up" bullshit - a lot of us have been there and mismanaged mood has taken a lot better men than many here. But just recognize these thoughts are a trap - the worst kind of trap. They're an illusory escape from an illusory problem, and you can defeat the illusion and step out of the fog you're in.

You don't have to take my word for it to see for yourself that you are the one in control either. Create your own "mood-changing program" using the tips in Windom's list. Write down the ones that you think really would be able to help you, and then commit to them - give it a 30 day shot and see what happens. And check out the books and videos I mentioned for more ideas that have really helped a lot of people.

Even if it's just one small technique, really focus on it and give it a try to see if you can prove to yourself that it is possible to create a difference. Get those small mood wins and build momentum.

And the more you prove it to yourself, the more you will be confident in the idea that you really are the one in control and that there is a path out of the fog that you can continue to focus on for more long-term results.

Place the Internal Progress Above the External for Now

In the "game" community, I notice guys often get focused on trying to change their life by building success in external things. Get more girls. Get better at juggling social situations. Get more ripped. Make more money.

These things are great, of course - these are things men SHOULD do. But they take time to manifest, and you are depressed NOW. You cannot control the world outside you, and even in the cases where it is possible to, you may just not have those skills at this very moment. So, if you try to change your mood by trying to get better results now in things you're already struggling with and failing at, you're likely to get more disappointed by the inevitable small failures in the beginning.

And wading through the failure it takes to achieve external change requires a certain level of hardiness and self-esteem you don't currently possess.

So, focus on internal change first (like the ideas posed above) instead of external goals like "finding more friends" and "approaching more girls."

Build your grit first. Teach yourself that while the above are both highly important, you CAN live a happy and fulfilling life without them and that at the end of the day, you are more responsible for your own mood than any friend or big-tittied girl could ever be. Remind yourself that many men have lived great lives and changed history without being social masters.

Then, as you grow comfortable with that reality, and as your resilience grows a little bit and you become more comfortable in your own skin, that's when it's time to start focusing on improving your social dynamics more to create the life you've been dreaming of.

Stop Looking for the Perfect Social Situation

Just because you're focusing more on internal than external doesn't mean stop talking to girls and hanging out with people. We may not NEED social lives to find happiness and stay entertained, but they are of course a great source of fulfillment and they're a fun place to test out your growing confidence.

But as you put more of your attention into this campaign of bettering yourself and regaining control of your mood, try not to invest in your hopes for social "outcomes" so much emotionally. Get your social fix by just interacting with the people who already exist in your life or that are around you as you walk around doing your everyday business.

I mean, if you're not alone right now, take a moment to look at the person at your right. The person on your left. The person right behind you. The person behind the damn cash register, for chrissakes. Then ask yourself...why not them? What makes you so much better than them...?

There are people all around you - talk with them.

People who meet with me in southeast Asia often trip out on how I interact with everyone I meet (and I'm the same way in the U.S.). I mean, these are places spilling over with people, but for most relatively-wealthy foreigners, the vast majority of these people just aren't interesting. Instead, they're on the lookout for hot girls and maybe some wealthy local connections and that's it.

Me, I talk with the taxi drivers, ask them about their families and kids and where they're from. Take a selfie with them and shoot it in a text to whatever girl I'm on the way to see to show her I'm coming. I laugh it up with the store clerks and ask if they can lend me some money just to trip them up and make them laugh. I take the guy who works the front desk at my hotel out for lunch, or head out into the dirt poor villages to have a meal with his family.

I get to know all the bartenders and bouncers - this is a great idea because they will protect you when shit hits the fan and they will make you look like a star. If I stick around for a city for a bit I often start getting free drinks all over town (first and third world), don't have to pay covers (friends and I wouldn't even get frisked anymore in PP), and when I bring a girl in the staff acts like I'm celebrity and the band calls me out and dedicates songs to make me look good.

I can't tell you how many times I've sat by the side of the road drinking with dirt poor tuk tuk drivers in the 3rd or 4th world. To get what out of it? Nothing more out of it than a chance to connect with the person sitting right there in front of me.

I remember one time I was walking along the freeway in Davao and there was this plywood/bamboo shanty town down below the freeway bridge, and I was hot and wanted some water, so I just mobbed down into it and walked into some aluminum shack and started playing pool with a few of the guys down there. And I've got my laptop bag hanging off my back (making me a prime target), and I'm yukking it up and joking with these guys and asking them about their lives - right in the middle of the city but very possibly the only foreigner who'd ever bothered to do that in this particular environment. Even if they wanted to rob me I don't think they would have for the simple reason that I actually gave a shit about them as people.

I say none of this to talk myself up and my personal style of travel (though I do enjoy telling these stories) - I say it to make a very important point...

People I meet always ask me how I can possibly go the places I do always alone...how I can always eat alone...how I can go drink alone...and how I live for years outside of my element and not go mental...and it's really simple...when you treat everyone you come across as a friend, even if they have nothing to give you and even if you may never see them again - and when you stop looking for the good in people and instead BECOME the good in people, well...

...you are never alone, my friend. The world is a garden ripe with opportunity, and the conversations and interactions you scatter as you wander through life blossom and turn every city and town you step into a source of constant entertainment and reward.

I mean, you've probably played video games where you can just wander the city and you want to peek into every corner and talk with every person and try to open every door just to see what's there - to me, that's every city on Earth, and how could that be boring or lonely or leave room for depression? Why not the very city you're in right now?

I'll try to bring this back down to earth for you. Mostly, just stop looking outside your group for other people at the festival who might be more interesting.

Stop looking for those lone hot girls.

You WILL find these people and these perfect opportunities eventually - meanwhile, precious life is passing you by!

Stop walking into a room and scouting the place for hot girls and cool people that might make cool friends or somehow improve your life - instead just talk to and interact with who is already there. Most rooms won't contain this oasis of coolness, and even when it does, you may not have get the results you want when you find it. Largely because of your inability to focus on the humans right in front of you, I might add.

So try to experiment with honing in on the people who ARE right there, no matter how uninteresting they might seem on the surface, and see where that real world human interaction takes you - you might be surprised at what you discover.

And over time as you master your own emotions a bit, what you get out of these relationships and the quality of the new relationships you accumulate will be a lot richer. Your relationships with the people around you can also lead to opportunities for more interesting relationships, and as time goes by, you can pare out the ones you're not getting much from and focus on the ones that produce.

Everyone has to start somewhere...

Best of luck.

[Huey]

I don't have much to add to this thread because the advice so far has been outstanding, but I just want to co-sign Beyond's recommendation on reading Feeling Good--it has the potential (along with Ellis' A Guide to Rational Living) to be life changing if you apply the principles and do the mood logs daily or supplement it with a CBT therapist. Good luck.

Here's the PDF for Feeling Good:
http://islamiconlineuniversity.com/couns...20Good.pdf

[Off The Reservation]

(11-29-2015 04:55 AM)GlobalMan Wrote:  

(11-28-2015 04:23 PM)offthereservation Wrote:  

-video snipped-

This is one of those cases where you were better off not replying at all.

Tell me you didn't laugh at Chopper...

Self pity is never productive and doesn't need to be coddled.

There is great advice on this thread which is actually so good it would work for someone who had gone through something truly tragic. OP said had "barely anything to live for anymore" in the start of his story. Genuine empathy flowed from this board thereafter; we have "been there." But those are heavy words for use when life throws a blow so tragic, so unexpected and so cruel that one doubts whether he wants to go on living. To use those words for an impression gained from a facebook feed is an exaggeration, even if the feelings seemed that real at the moment.

OP, did you give thought to or accomplish Windom Earle's superb and no doubt intentionally placed as point 1 advice to deactivate your facebook? You will instantly feel better, and you will be taking action directly related to one of the causes you yourself mentioned. You will find out there will be benefits with women also when you tell them you don't have FB, you man of mystery, you!

[Odin]

(11-28-2015 04:50 AM)Windom Earle Wrote:  

First off, welcome to the Forum - you've come to the right place.

My advice is as follows:

1. Deactivate your Facebook account

What the fuck is a Facebook friend? If they aren't people you have met in real life and have a common bond/interest with or provide value in some way, they're not really friends.

2. Clean up your diet and hit the gym

You are what you eat, so if you eat crap, it will inevitably have a detrimental impact on your thoughts, not to mention your confidence when you see how out of shape you've become (which I assume you are).

Hit the gym and lift heavy weights. Seek out advice if you're a beginner, whether it be through a physical trainer or resources online.

Your confidence will skyrocket when you start to see and feel positive changes, which translates to getting noticed more by women. Change up your wardrobe to complete the package. Maintain good posture.

3. Take responsibility for your own plot in life

Women aren't going to fall at your feet and excuses won't get you anywhere. Put in the hard work like everyone else does around here - results will come in time; not immediately. What's more, moping about events and things being shit is a poor attitude to have. Make your own fun, don't expect it to come to you. You aren't entitled to anything, but you have the power to get what you want if you have a clear vision and discipline.

4. Lower your expectations to avoid disappointment

Your emotional turmoil is fueled by your perception that things (outside of your control) should be a certain way. Control what you can - yourself. Focus less on others and their presupposed substandard actions.

5. Be thankful

Be thankful for the little things in life that are going good for you.

I presume that you have a functional cock and two nuts in those nutsacks, possess reasonable intelligence and aren't significantly handicapped in any way, don't have a debilitating disease (save for the mental one, which is changeable) and have access to clean water and nutritious food?

These are all things that we take for granted, but deserve to be acknowledged on a daily basis for the gifts that they are.

Great Advice above, a lot of us have been through heavy depression at least at one time in our life, hell after divorce i had some psych recommend i take 3 different medications each day, i never took any , i tossed the lot in the bin jumped on my racing bike and pedalled from Basel to Strasbourg in one day ,that did more to clear my head than any drug.

A few points to add to the above :

• Stop Drinking.
• Start taking an Amino Acid supplement.
• Start doing weights.
• Start taking D-Aspartic acid to boost Testosterone.
• Focus on what you want to achieve next in your life.
• Dont get involved with women until your head is in the right place.
  

Main thing with men is to ensure your Hormone levels are correct, get that right and everything else falls into place.