[XPQ21]

So I've been having sex regularly with this one late 20s "6"-"6.5" (I guess?) I met from online dating. She lives some distance from me and the sex is great, when it happens. She doesn't have a car and likes me to come to her place in the city. That's fine with me - she makes me food and gives me drinks as well.

However, she's still pretty much a flake otherwise and our texting interactions could pretty much be summarized like this:

Me: "I'm going to come over on Saturday."

Her: "I hope! but I don't know there's a lot going on I don't know what the hell I'm doing"

Me: "..."

Her: (at 11 AM on Saturday) "Hey! I'm definitely free tonight so why don't you grab a DVD you like and come over ; )" (she's a bit old-fashioned and doesn't do the Netflix thing I guess)

So it's pretty much been "I don't know what's going on I don't know what I'm doing come over. I don't know what's going on I don't know what I'm doing come over."

Any suggestions for perhaps making her more agreeable to meet on _my_ schedule, and not me waiting around for her? Because it's already happened once where I have a date scheduled with another girl, and then she texts me at the last minute wanting to hook up at the same time. And then we're in a pickle.

Or is this just an unavoidable result of the new dating reality?

[heavy]

(10-14-2015 09:21 AM)XPQ21 Wrote:  

...
Or is this just an unavoidable result of the new dating reality?

I saw the subject line, clicked, and skipped to the bottom to see you answered your own question. I did go back and read it.

This is something I've been seeing more. Don't expect it to change. It's another reason to live your life for yourself. A shame really, but tough to blame chics. It's just a reality of our society.

Chics are working, many times longer hours than me (they need something to do to keep em busy), go running, go to the gym, meet up with friends for drinks, and they plan to make sure they aren't sitting home alone.

Me? With a chic like that, I figure give the old college try with her, but never get into a relationship with her. I'd go over if I'm free, even at her whim...she's horny and wants to have some fun, you go over and tease her hard (heavy push/pull).

Most likely you fool around with her a couple times (usually <3), then she moves on but you stay friends. I have a chic I did this with and now she plays volleyball with me because she's pretty good. Her boyfriend comes and watches .

Deal with it...enjoy it actually. That's what I do.

[MY DETROIT PLAYAS]

Here's the current setup

>>>casual FWB>>>Her spot>>>distance>>>lack of mobility

With this kind of cozy arrangement comes inconvenience at times because you are traveling to her turf so she is setting the frame of when she is available.

When she does the 'Oh, I have XYZ to do so let me get back to you on later', she is hedging in a sense. Keeping you on stand by just in case those other plans don't quite pan out.

Since it's strictly a casual thing, who cares...but I don't see her behavior changing exactly for this very reason. She knows the score so if she is horny enough she can always break down and text you to come by. Without really lifting a finger.

Try letting her know you may have other plans in place, so if she wants to hang out letting you know sooner is better than later. Then, proceed go ahead with your regularly scheduled program.

Nice to have a sweet out of town diversion, just realize the casualness of the situation with cause her to be equally as casual

[OregonToSoCal]

Since she lives far away and it appears as though it's a casual FB arrangement I would just leave her as a backup plan if you strike out with other women and she happens to hit you up and you have nothing else going. On the other hand if you're on a date with someone else, are out on the hunt and she reaches out to you don't reply to her until the next day. It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if you ignored her off and on even if you don't have something else in the pipeline. If she gives you any static about why you didn't get back to her tell her made other plans and you'd be happy to see her if she will commit to a specific date and time and stick to it otherwise you'll need to play it by ear.

The bottom line is she's keeping you on standby because she can. She knows you're there at her beck and call so why commit to you up front when something better could come along? (her thinking not mine)

[XPQ21]

(10-14-2015 11:12 AM)MY DETROIT PLAYAS Wrote:  

Try letting her know you may have other plans in place, so if she wants to hang out letting you know sooner is better than later. Then, proceed go ahead with your regularly scheduled program.

Yup. It'll be hard though, if I don't really have anything else on - she's such a freak in bed that her offers are extremely difficult to resist when they come around.

[MY DETROIT PLAYAS]

(10-14-2015 01:55 PM)XPQ21 Wrote:  

(10-14-2015 11:12 AM)MY DETROIT PLAYAS Wrote:  

Try letting her know you may have other plans in place, so if she wants to hang out letting you know sooner is better than later. Then, proceed go ahead with your regularly scheduled program.

Yup. It'll be hard though, if I don't really have anything else on - she's such a freak in bed that her offers are extremely difficult to resist when they come around.

Been there too bro. Matter of fact when I read your original post I had a flash back to the best head doctor I've probably ever experienced. Plus she was always down whenever I was in the mood for a low key "Netflix and chill" evening.

At first I would let her come by but when she started to get too clingy, I switched our arraignment up to something similar to yours. When she predictably started to get flaky, I slowly but surely stopped hitting her up.

Ideally you should have other things brewing on the girls' front, because you never know when she will decide to permanently go AWOL.

[XPQ21]

(10-14-2015 02:47 PM)MY DETROIT PLAYAS Wrote:  

(10-14-2015 01:55 PM)XPQ21 Wrote:  

(10-14-2015 11:12 AM)MY DETROIT PLAYAS Wrote:  

Try letting her know you may have other plans in place, so if she wants to hang out letting you know sooner is better than later. Then, proceed go ahead with your regularly scheduled program.

Yup. It'll be hard though, if I don't really have anything else on - she's such a freak in bed that her offers are extremely difficult to resist when they come around.

Been there too bro. Matter of fact when I read your original post I had a flash back to the best head doctor I've probably ever experienced. Plus she was always down whenever I was in the mood for a low key "Netflix and chill" evening.

At first I would let her come by but when she started to get too clingy, I switched our arraignment up to something similar to yours. When she predictably started to get flaky, I slowly but surely stopped hitting her up.

Ideally you should have other things brewing on the girls' front, because you never know when she will decide to permanently go AWOL.

Completely aware that that's a possibility at any time in a "relationship" like this. Unfortunately, as I mentioned in another thread the online stuff seems to be drying up for the moment, for several possible reasons, and I haven't made much headway in my very beginner-tier daygame either. I don't drink so night stuff is hard as well. No new contacts in over a week, so it unfortunately seems like for the moment she's holding a lot of the power...

[Lacesoutray]

The less you do - the more attractive you become to her.
I'm not talking about doing ZERO - but I am talking about not jumping at her every beck and call when she asks something of you, and not giving her options.

If i asked some chick "do you want to get a drink on Wednesday?"
and she said "well, I have lots going on, so I'm not sure"...
TRANSLATION = I'm waiting for something better to come up, and you aren't something better....

Kick her to the curb and find a girl who's eager to see you...

This chick will be GTG when she needs a good banging - and you should arrange it so that it's convenient for you, not for her...

[XPQ21]

(10-14-2015 09:27 AM)heavy Wrote:  

Most likely you fool around with her a couple times (usually <3), then she moves on but you stay friends. I have a chic I did this with and now she plays volleyball with me because she's pretty good. Her boyfriend comes and watches .
Deal with it...enjoy it actually. That's what I do.

Yup, it's currently playing out that way as we speak, we've hooked up four times and the fade has already started. She's not wanting to meet up this weekend and is hitting me with the excuses ("things are kind of a mess with me right now") She asked if we could hold off a bit and she'd like to "see if things are more stable" early next month.

I just said "Sure." I'm probably not going to contact her again. It was a good thing, but maybe I ended up being too needy. She sensed I didn't have much else going on, and she was right.

[OregonToSoCal]

(10-22-2015 02:43 PM)XPQ21 Wrote:  

(10-14-2015 09:27 AM)heavy Wrote:  

Most likely you fool around with her a couple times (usually <3), then she moves on but you stay friends. I have a chic I did this with and now she plays volleyball with me because she's pretty good. Her boyfriend comes and watches .
Deal with it...enjoy it actually. That's what I do.

Yup, it's currently playing out that way as we speak, we've hooked up four times and the fade has already started. She's not wanting to meet up this weekend and is hitting me with the excuses ("things are kind of a mess with me right now") She asked if we could hold off a bit and she'd like to "see if things are more stable" early next month.

I just said "Sure." I'm probably not going to contact her again. It was a good thing, but maybe I ended up being too needy. She sensed I didn't have much else going on, and she was right.

You played that one perfectly. Generally speaking you'll hit her up to hangout on two separate occasions. If after the second blow off (I'm busy, my schedule is hectic, going on trip, anything other than a yes) reply with something like 'no problem let me know when your schedule clears up and you'd like to get together' and then leave it at that. Never reach out to her ever again. If and when she contacts you after that immediately go for the meetup. Don't feel like you need to warm her up and chit chat first, just go for the date immediately.

[XPQ21]

(10-22-2015 03:18 PM)OregonToSoCal Wrote:  

(10-22-2015 02:43 PM)XPQ21 Wrote:  

(10-14-2015 09:27 AM)heavy Wrote:  

Most likely you fool around with her a couple times (usually <3), then she moves on but you stay friends. I have a chic I did this with and now she plays volleyball with me because she's pretty good. Her boyfriend comes and watches .
Deal with it...enjoy it actually. That's what I do.

Yup, it's currently playing out that way as we speak, we've hooked up four times and the fade has already started. She's not wanting to meet up this weekend and is hitting me with the excuses ("things are kind of a mess with me right now") She asked if we could hold off a bit and she'd like to "see if things are more stable" early next month.

I just said "Sure." I'm probably not going to contact her again. It was a good thing, but maybe I ended up being too needy. She sensed I didn't have much else going on, and she was right.

You played that one perfectly. Generally speaking you'll hit her up to hangout on two separate occasions. If after the second blow off (I'm busy, my schedule is hectic, going on trip, anything other than a yes) reply with something like 'no problem let me know when your schedule clears up and you'd like to get together' and then leave it at that. Never reach out to her ever again. If and when she contacts you after that immediately go for the meetup. Don't feel like you need to warm her up and chit chat first, just go for the date immediately.

I did hit her up with a "restart" the other day after not contacting her for about two weeks after she blew me off the first time. Wasn't expecting a reply, but she did reply with a fairly long form text version of the 'it's not you, it's me" script where she says she's not really comfortable with what we were doing but thinks I'm great but she doesn't feel she has enough to offer etc. and so on, but that she'd like to stay in touch with me.

But yeah, it was great while it lasted. What do you guys do with your FBs who don't want to continue, but seem interested in remaining in contact? Do you absolutely never initiate contact as you say, or could you put 'em in a file in your phone and hit them casually up after a couple month timer expires and see where things stand? Doesn't seem like it would take much effort to do that...