[SomeFcksGiven]

This is something I experience with regular frequency. An ex will contact me, and after a little back and forth banter (usually followed by me not responding) she'll ask "Do you still have feelings for me?"

If I don't want to see her again, the answer is simple: No reply

Today, an ex hit me with this question (via text) and I'm not sure what to say. The answer is yes, but I can't outright let her know that.

A little backstory: She was attending college and we were together for about a year. Always had a great time together and the sex was stellar. Things ended when college was over and she moved back home, several states away. We both agreed to go our separate ways. Maintaining a long distance relationship wasn't feasible for either of us.

We haven't been together in about 2 years. She recently moved to an area about an hour away from me.

What's a non-beta, abundance mentality way to respond to this question?

[kaotic]

Usually I don't bother with exes, sounds like this was a light break up since college ended.

Obviously it sounds like you're entertaining the possibility of meeting her and so is she.

If she's close by she might want to rekindle something. She's also seeking validation.

I'd laugh and play it cool by saying that was was years ago but "I'd miss me also" or something like that.

Or just ignore that comment and carry on with your conversation.

It sounds like she's pulling your soft spot beta memories of her - I'd tread carefully.


You can ignore her, or ignore the comment and play it cool till you meet.

[Travesty]

Ignore all her bullshit.

Call her on the phone and just catch up. If it goes well tell her to meet you.

Texting is for dumb sluts and dic pics it sounds like this girl is in a different category and you already dated her. Why play games just go for the kill. She's a scared rabbit, go for the throat.

[WestIndianArchie]

You don't soun like you know how you feel.

WIA

[LA Savage]

Some people say relationships are like glass, that once broken you will only get cut trying to fix it.

[blck]

More than wanna know how you feel she want you to make her feel something.
Remember one of the principle of Game:
"No straight answer"
To "Do yous still have feelings for me" she don't want an outright answer as yes/no, she you to toy her, break her heart, make her believe there is still a chance, you keep her tiptoeing.

At the end she'll hamster her own movie in her head about how you two have some impossible and taboo special relationship.

The No Answer type of game is like admitting you lost against her because of your fear of falling for her again, the fact about this being true or not doesn't matter that's what she'll say/imagine about you.

My .02

[Dino]

Sounds like an opportunity for more stellar sex and good times. Never look a gift horse in the mouth.

The most sensible answer is to tell her it's great to hear from her and you want to catch up over drinks on Saturday. Your feelings may or may not change once you spend a little time with her again. This is something you have to test live.

[Baldwin81]

(11-04-2015 03:54 PM)SomeFcksGiven Wrote:  

The answer is yes, but I can't outright let her know that.

You reply: It's complicated.

She says: What do you mean? (or something to that affect).

You reply: Let's get together x night, at x place (close to your place, grab drinks). Basically, go straight into logistics.

^ If she gives you too much static about seeing each other in person, or (of course) if she flakes then "next." <<<This is easier said than done because it seems like you totally miss her... I hear you: a girl you go out with for a year, good times, good sex, a no-cuck breakup - those are what fond memories are made of!

Otherwise, get rest the night before, hit the gym that day, and get yourself ready to bang your ex. When you're out just keep it light, fun, with teasing, and escalate while catching up. Make sure you don't bust inside.

[Virtus]

Had a similar situation except for one detail. She was 6 months pregnant. And while I'm kinky I don't want the regrets... Hmm did you notice how regrets and rug rats sound similar enough of you slur the speech as if your from Nashville

[thoughtgypsy]

If she's asking you that question out of the blue, she's probably interested but wants you to make the move. I'd probably say something like "I'm not sure tbh, but once in a while I'll think about you." They usually ask what triggers it, I'll say something cryptic, then the conversation will work it's way towards talking about meeting up to "catch up".

If your ex wasn't crazy, I don't see the need to burn bridges. I'm still in contact and on good terms with all my recent exes. Sometimes they've just gotten out of a relationship and want a rebound shag. Or they might want a FB they're comfortable with until they find the "right guy". Sure, they might be hoping to rekindle an old fling and lock you down, but like every other situation it's entirely in your hands. At the same time, I wouldn't make any plans on being exclusive with someone I've already split with.

[Mercenary]

(11-04-2015 03:54 PM)SomeFcksGiven Wrote:  

An ex will contact me, and after a little back and forth banter (usually followed by me not responding) she'll ask "Do you still have feelings for me?"
[...]
What's a non-beta, abundance mentality way to respond to this question?

[HankMoody]

I would respond:

"whoa, slow down there..." (wait a second or two)
i need to be wined and dined first
lets grab drinks next week"

That basically says "yes" without coming off as needy. It's also funny.

I did this a lot when I first got into it - trying way too hard to be "alpha." She will eventually get annoyed, and legitimately so, if you're being too evasive to every fucking question. Trying too hard to be alpha in all your exchanges is actually beta.

Sometimes relationships don't work because of timing - a job, school, or something that otherwise requires you to be a geographic location. You didn't breakup with her on bad terms.

If you want to see this girl again, by all means do it.

[trawler]

Ehh with this kinda stuff I normally oblige. She's just trying to rekindle and get the D while saving face.

I have no issues saying to a girl (if it's true/we had a connection at the time): 'you know I'll always have feelings for you. I'm a very different person now though. We should hang, let's meet up [logistics]'

That way you have a clear out (different person), you're not making any commitments, but you're giving her enough of an emotional base that she won't feel like a slut. Pump away.

[xpatplayer]

"Yeah, I have a bag of feelings at my place. Come over, I might have a couple to spare."

Or something similar to what I just described. HankMoody's answer also works well. Play along if you're not ready to answer, or if you want to keep hitting it.

The only two reasons a girl would ask that question (or a variant, like 'What do you see us becoming?') are if she wants to get exclusive, or if she feels insecure at the moment.

Based on what you've written, I assume that your ex-girlfriend wants to play boyfriend-girlfriend again. She's trying to set the frame of your relationship as committed. Don't let her do that, unless you want to be committed.

Get her to meet you. Go for the home-run. If it happens, great. You now have a girl whose new in town, genuinely likes you, and is hoping for a relationship in the future, but doesn't expect anything but sex and fun now. She doesn't have any friends and someone needs to show her around. And keep her warm. It may as well be you.

If it doesn't happen, its still cool. This girl likes you, and knows what you want. If she wants a relationship, she'll end up putting out so that you'll commit to her. If she feels insecure, she'll still come back because you offer her some validation.

Its a win-win scenario.

[Oz.]

Just tell her how much you love her and want to spend the rest of your life with her building a beautiful family and getting married as soon as possible.

[SomeFcksGiven]

(11-04-2015 08:20 PM)Oz. Wrote:  

Just tell her how much you love her and want to spend the rest of your life with her building a beautiful family and getting married as soon as possible.

..but I laughed

[MarkusA]

Keep it short and sweet..
"Who is this?"

[SomeFcksGiven]

Hank's would have been perfect to use in person. I wanted to condense it a little over text.

I went with:

"Fishing for compliments eh? That's kinda cute.
Let's grab a drink Tuesday"