After a little background, there are 4 parts to this datasheet:
Part 1. General body language notes
Part 2. What the hands, eyes, smile, posture, and feet say
Part 3. How to tell when someone is lying
Part 4. Reading and using body language in game
Background
As a deaf person, reading body language was, and still is, a survival skill. For example, as a kid who had not yet developed language, I didn’t need to hear the words of an angry and threatening man to know that I had better steer clear of him. Not only did I learn how to read body language by watching people around me, but also by watching actors on television without closed captioning. For the first 4-6 years of my life, body language was the only information I was getting.
Then as I learned and developed verbal language, I could begin to match what people were saying with their body language. After I learned how to match congruences between words and body language cues, I learned how to catch incongruencies between verbal and nonverbal communication. Now, as an adult, I keep my people reading skills sharp by spending 30 minutes a day people watching during my lunch break.
Generally men suck at reading body language. Women are MUCH better at it, probably 3 or 4 times more skilled than men, because their brains are better wired for it than ours. However, a lot of players, successful salesmen, law enforcement, CIA agents, and most game practitioners like us on this forum are slightly better at reading body language than the rest of the male population.
If you’ve spent some time on this forum and practicing game, you probably are at least slightly better at reading people than the average male. For us, game, salesmanship, and enhanced body language reading skills can be a very powerful combination, especially in a time where everyone’s people reading skills are deteriorating in the age of smartphones and ipods.
We also miss a lot of body language cues because we are too focused on words, what to say next, or our own insecurities. I think this is one of the biggest reasons that a lot of frustrated men are doing poorly with women. If your mind is full of mental noise, you cannot read body language as well as you potentially can.
Even though I am quite skilled at reading body language, I still have not silenced the mental noise in my mind to become a TRUE master at it. That would be the next step for me. This comes down to inner game: only with strong inner game, can you quiet your mind enough to master this skill. Ten minutes of meditation to quiet your mind, and then 15 minutes a day of people watching for at least two years will go a long way in helping you improve your body language reading skills. You don’t need a Ph.D. in Psychology to get good at this.
PART 1: General Body Language Notes
In short, body language is a window into a person’s emotional state. Every movement, facial expression, or gesture is a clue to how the person is thinking or feeling. The key to reading body language is to understand a person’s emotional state, what the person is saying, and the circumstances around those words.
While there are cultural differences in body language, especially with gestures, most facial expressions showing happiness, sadness, anger, and a myriad of emotions are almost universal. When a person doesn’t know something, he shrugs - whether he’s from Russia, Brazil, Norway, Africa, or anywhere else in the world. Open palms showing that nothing is concealed is also universal. Raised eyebrows as an acknowledgement or a greeting is universal. Nodding for “yes” and shaking one’s head for “no” are generally universal. However, some gestures have completely different meanings in different countries, so be careful with these.
There are three things you need to do to read body language accurately:
1. Know and Understand the Context
Every conversation or interaction has a context. Before interpreting any cues or gestures, be sure you understand the context. Here’s a very basic example, when a person crosses her arms, it could mean she’s closed off and uncomfortable. Or maybe she’s just cold. The context, whether she’s waiting for a bus in 0 degree weather, or she’s indoors at room temperature, will tell you which is the correct interpretation.
Here’s another example. If a girl is seated with her legs crossed (one knee over the other), consider what she’s wearing before you draw conclusions from her crossed legs. Is she wearing jeans? Or is she wearing a short tight skirt? If it’s anything other than a short tight skirt, her crossed legs may be a form of protection. This inner need to protect herself outwardly manifesting itself through crossing her legs may have a negative meaning in your interaction with her. It makes her seem unapproachable. Or if she’s already with you, she may not like or trust you.
It would be wise not to draw any real conclusions if she is indeed wearing a short tight skirt, because she has to cross her legs, lest she inadvertently puts on a peep show for strangers. Instead, look at the direction her legs are crossed in. If you’re sitting next to each other, are her legs crossed toward you, or away from you?
When reading body language, context is everything. Being deaf, I sometimes go into a situation not fully knowing or grasping the context, and that’s when I fly blind and make mistakes. It is best to sit back and watch, listen much more than you talk, or ask questions, until you fully understand the circumstances.
Sometimes you may get mixed body language signals. When you are getting mixed signals, go back to the context and be sure you understand it, and look for additional cues. The smart thing to do is to not act or make any major moves until the mixed signals clear themselves up.
2. Read Cues and Gestures in Batches
A major mistake many people make in reading body language is reading and interpreting each and every cue in isolation. At best, this leads to overthinking or psychoanalyzing, stunting your conversational skills, and you’d come across as a stiff. At worst, this can lead to faulty interpretations and if those are acted upon, it leads to miscommunication and unnecessary drama.
Look at the big picture, the whole person, and read cues and gestures in batches. Gestures may occur in groups of twos, threes, and fours. Instead of looking at each cue one by one, look for multiple gestures, cues, and poses all at once and infer the overall feel of what you are seeing.
For example, imagine you’re mixing and mingling at a networking cocktail party and you meet a person with whom you chat for a few minutes. You’re enjoying the chat and have lots more to say. The person, although smiling, is giving one word or short phrase answers. His weight is on one back foot leaning away from you, body tilted towards the nearest door, and giving quick and short nods to what you’re saying.
Based on the smiling and nodding alone, you might think that he’s also enjoying the conversation and encouraging you to talk more with his nods. On the other hand, if you observe all four body language cues at the same time: 1) quick and short nods, 2) weight on one back foot leaning away from you, 3) body tilted towards the nearest exit, and 4) his short answers, it will quickly become apparent that he wants to extract himself from the conversation without being rude and is impatiently waiting for you to finish.
As you’re reading this, it may seem painfully obvious. But you’d be surprised how many people fail to pick up on simple cues like this. We’ve all gotten stuck with that boring dude at a party who just doesn’t get it... he keeps standing there and talking, while we’re trying to find a way to extract ourselves from his one-sided conversation. We’re giving all the signs in our own body language that we want to get out of there, but he’s not seeing it. This type of guy is not likely to be very good with the ladies, given his lack of body language awareness.
3. Look for Congruence and Incongruence
When a person’s words match their actions and body language, they are being congruent. Nonverbal cues carry a lot more weight than words, and anytime there is an inconsistency between the two, nonverbal cues always tell the real story.
Imagine you’re with some girl and it’s almost dinner time. You start thinking of restaurant ideas, and you say “hey, let’s try that Indian food place, what do you think?” She nods and says yes. Before you think she is down for your suggestion, keep in mind that many people are uncomfortable with saying “no” outright, particularly in certain cultures. So, usually you can expect a verbal “yes”, but you will get an accurate reading when you observe HOW she said yes. If she nods enthusiastically, smiles, and uses a strong affirmative tone in her answer, then her verbal reply is congruent with her body language.
On the other hand, if she either gives a short quick nod with a tight upper lip then lowers her head, or you notice a flash of dislike towards Indian food followed by an effort to control her facial expression to hide her disagreement, then her verbal reply is incongruent with her body language. Better come up with a different restaurant idea.
When in doubt, your gut feeling is the best tool to pick up on incongruencies and other important body language signals. Even if you miss these in real time, your gut feeling will gnaw at you for some time afterwards. This is often what happens when newbies come in here starting “did I fuck up?” threads, and posting a play-by-play with some girl and how things fell apart at the end. Their gut feeling is telling them that they missed something important and thus lost the girl, driving them to write such threads. This important element could be an incongruency in their girl’s body language, their own incongruency that their girl picked up on and got turned off, or entirely missing a green light to take her home and bang her.
Another example. When you’re talking to a girl about her family, watch how she talks about her parents. Let’s say she tells you she gets along well with her parents, but fails to hide a split second sneer every time she mentions her mother. Would you be convinced by her professed love for her mother?
As a rule, when you pick up an incongruency, ignore the words and go by their actions. Beware of investing too much of yourself, your trust, and your time into a person with a lot of ongoing inconsistencies between their words and actions. This is exactly what happens when a woman says, seemingly at random, “I don’t like that person, something about him seems off but I don’t know why.”
PART 2: What the Hands, Eyes, Smile, Posture, and Feet Say
This section covers the hands, eyes, smile, feet, and posture and how to read them. There are entire shelves of books written on this topic, plus millions of gestures, and it would be impossible to cover everything. So I will limit the scope to gaming women.
Hands
There are more nerve and synaptic connections between the brain and hands than any other body part. Because of this strong connection between the brain and hands, the person’s hands give great clues to what the person is thinking and feeling.
Hands can be palm up, palm down, fisted, or pointing fingers. Palm up is nonthreatening, palm down is authoritative, fisted hands betrays discomfort or anger, and pointed finger is the one of the most primally threatening gestures. There’s a reason it’s rude to point fingers at other people and that applies to almost all cultures.
When talking with a woman, look at what her hands are doing.
Some of the good signs are:
* Brushing her hair above and around her ear with her fingers while looking at you (attracted and grooming herself).
* Showing her palms in your line of view (submissive).
* Puts both her hands flat on top of each other, elbows resting on a table top, resting her head on her hands while looking at you, as if she’s displaying her pretty head for you (very attracted and open to you).
* Touches you at anytime, anywhere (attracted).
* Holds her hands behind her back in a relaxed posture, exposing her front and augmenting her breasts for you (open, relaxed, submissive, and trusts you).
It’s generally a bad sign if she’s:
* Holding her purse on her lap as if it’s a shield between you and her body (guarded and protective of herself).
* Crossed her arms (closed off).
* Clasping and squeezing her hands or interweaving her fingers (uncomfortable).
* Clenching her fists (angry or hostile).
* Always reaching for her smartphone, or hunched over with both hands holding her phone (preoccupied).
* Putting or keeping her hands in her pockets (self-conscious and nervous).
Eyes
Eye contact is among the best indicators of a woman’s interest in a man, and vice versa. I’ve talked a lot about this in my Deaf Game Datasheet.
When you walk into a room and a woman is there, she might look at you for an initial fraction of a second. This is natural because human eyes automatically look at a moving object when it enters the field of view, so it is not necessarily an indicator of interest. If she looks away or back into her book immediately, she isn’t interested nor attracted to you. Even if you were the last person on earth, she would not fuck you.
But if her eyes rest on you - any part of your body - or tracks you for at least two seconds as you walk by, then there is attraction on a primal level. Just as men can’t help turning their heads when they see a nice piece of ass walk by, women can’t help extending their first glance upon you if they’re attracted to you.
It doesn’t yet mean that she will be receptive to your approach or will have sex with you, but the basic primal attraction is there. She might be married or otherwise attached, or she might be on the rag. There could be a million reasons she wouldn’t sleep with you. But if none of those reasons existed - she was single, and ovulating - then there is a non-zero chance that sex would happening.
As you are talking to a woman, watch her eyes. If she holds your gaze and keeps looking down at you, your torso, she is attracted and is checking you out. Your biceps, your crotch, and your shoes. It helps when you are looking good and you have good posture. If, however, she keeps looking elsewhere, to your left or to your right or over your shoulder, it’s not a good sign and you’d do better to move on.
Also, watch the eyes when she smiles. If the skin and facial muscles pull back and create wrinkles around her eyes when she smiles, she is being genuine. If not, her smile is fake. Practice watching the eyes as people smile, and you’ll be better able to pick out which smiles are real or fake.
Smile
Just because a woman is smiling in your presence doesn’t mean you’re doing well with her. It depends on HOW she is smiling, whether her teeth are concealed or showing, and how symmetrical her smile is on both sides of her face.
A tight-lipped smile that conceals her teeth is not necessarily a good sign. If you’re gaming her and she gives you one of those smiles, she is probably trying to conceal a negative comment or opinion of you. An asymmetrical smile, with one side up and the other side down, tends to show mixed, conflicted, or even opposite emotions at the same time. A tight-lipped or asymmetrical smile often happens when someone makes a snide or offensive comment, or does something she doesn’t like.
Context applies here, especially for smirks, sly Mona Lisa grins, closed lip or asymmetrical smiles. In isolation, they could mean almost anything, but knowing the context will help you interpret the meaning behind those smiles.
The smiles that you want to see are A) a relaxed, open mouthed and showing teeth, symmetrical one with the muscles around her eyes contracted showing genuine happiness and enjoyment, and B) a seductive smile with a lowered head looking up sideways at you. These kind of smiles mean you are doing well. Game on!
Feet
If you’re not sure of the signals you are getting from the face, arms, or hands, look at the feet. Whether the person’s legs are crossed, how the legs are crossed, and where the feet are pointing to, gives you insight on their emotional state and whether or not they are open to you.
What people’s feet tell you is this: they ALWAYS point in the direction where they WANT to go.
Let’s go back to the boring dude at the networking cocktail party. He’s talking your ear off while you’re wanting to get out of there, and your body is tilted towards the nearest exit. Hit the pause button and look down at your own feet. In what direction would your feet be pointing to? That’s right, you guessed it - the nearest exit door.
Let’s say you’re at a party and talking to a group of three girls. In this hypothetical scenario, all three girls seem equally attractive, and giving you equal amounts of attention. You’re not sure who you want to pick and it is getting time to make a decision. How do you make that decision? Simple. Look at their feet and where they are pointing. You might see that two of the three girls have their feet pointing at their own friends in the group, except one girl on your left has her right foot pointed straight at YOU. Now THAT girl is the one you should pick.
Let’s take another scenario. You’re on a date with some girl, and everything seems to be going well. You’re both sitting down, chatting, laughing, and drinking. You’re thinking you’ve got this in the bag. Then suddenly the night ends, you part ways, and she never texts you again. You wonder what the hell happened. While you’re wracking your brain for something you said wrong or how you fucked up, you might have missed an important body language sign. When she was sitting next to you, her legs were crossed away from you AND her feet were pointed away from you. She may have been having a nice time and getting a free drink from you, but had no intentions of going home with you… and her legs and feet give this away by not pointing toward you.
Now, when I go on dates or approach women, I check her feet and whether they are pointing at me. The last time I took a girl back to my place; we were sitting on bar stools and she didn’t cross her legs. Instead, her legs were slightly parted and both feet were pointing directly at me. I noticed the incongruency here, she was giving me a nonverbal green light, despite her acting cold and aloof with her words.
Posture
How a person is standing or sitting, and the position of her hands, arms, and feet, makes up the person’s entire posture. Looking at the person’s entire posture helps you pick up several body language cues at once, rather than just looking at the face or eyes. Yes, the eyes are very important, but is only one body language cue that can be misleading if read in isolation. Looking at the posture as well as the face and eyes gives you a complete picture that, taken in context, gives you a good idea what the person’s emotional state is - and whether they are feeling confident or unsure of themselves.
Obviously when a person’s arms are crossed and tightly gripping each other, the person is uncomfortable, as in the case of first-time air travelers about to take off, people waiting for their dentist appointment, or a girl getting hit on by a guy she doesn’t find attractive. It’s as if crossing arms is putting a barrier between the person and something that person does not like.
Here’s a little trick that I discovered purely by accident. When I’m trying to talk to a woman who has her arms crossed, I ask her to hold my drink for a minute, saying that I need to find my pen and write something down. This gets her to uncross her arms and hold my drink. As I continue talking to her for a couple of sentences (or writing on a paper pad), with my drink in her hand, her arms and body become more open to me. The hope in this is that it tricks her brain into thinking that she’s “opening up” to me. It doesn’t always work, but I can remember off the top of my head I’ve turned perhaps 3 or 4 initial arm-crossers into actual bangs by doing exactly this.
However, if you see clenched fists while her arms are crossed, she has a hostile attitude and the smart thing to do would be to next her and move on. Another nextable situation is when she keeps her handbag as a shield between you and her. It’s her way of telling you you’re wasting your time.
If she has a half-arm cross, with one arm hugging herself and the other arm hanging down on her side, she’s feeling protective or shy, but not totally closed off. At that point, I would run more comfort to put her more at ease.
Along these lines, let’s say you’re in a professional workplace trying to sell an idea or product - if the person is holding a coffee mug on the table with her arm across her body as a “barrier”, she’s not quite open to your idea yet. But when the person takes a sip of coffee, and places the mug at her side with her body open, no barriers, she may now be more open to listening to your sales spiel.
Positive signs with a girl’s posture showing her attraction to you:
* Leaning in to you
* Facing you directly rather than at an angle
* Not backing away when you advance into her personal space
* And the BIG one - touching you.
I believe that if she touches you even ONCE on her own accord, she is attracted and there is a chance for a bang if you play your cards right. If she touches you TWICE, that is good sign for a SNL. If she touches you THREE times, what the fuck are you waiting for? Get a room, pronto!
PART 3: How to Tell When a Person is Lying
When a person tells a lie, there will be a mismatch between what the person is saying and the body language signs the person is giving. Even when you’re not aware, you are seeing and hearing these incongruencies. Think of the last time you walked away from a conversation feeling puzzled… that something didn’t feel quite right, but you couldn’t quite put your finger on it? That’s it - you’ve subconsciously picked up on an incongruency, or a conflict between what you heard and the person’s body language.
Now, what you want to do is to consciously ferret out that lie in real-time by sitting back, keeping your mouth shut, quieting down your mind, and observing their body language cues while they talk. The how-to will be discussed here.
Despite what they’ll tell you, most women are skilled liars. They’re better at reading people, and therefore are better at manipulating people with well-placed lies. They tend to make their lies more complicated with long convoluted stories and hamster-spinning, whereas men keep their lies simple - “oh my battery died, that’s why I didn’t call.”
Some people are pathological liars, and these are the hardest to catch. Perhaps almost impossible. As George Costanza once said in Seinfeld, “it is not a lie… if you believe it.” So when a pathological liar really believes what she is saying as truth, her body will act like she’s telling the truth, making it all the more difficult to catch the lie.
However, there are ways to catch lies told by most people. When a person, man or woman, tells a lie, their brain knows it’s not true and sends out “nervous energy” throughout the body. Some people, including politicians, know how to control their body movements as they tell lies and people fall for it. But there’s almost always something that goes out of place, an inconsistency, that they cannot control, if you know where to look and how to look for it. And it’s not the bullshit left-or-right and up-or-down eye movements...
12 Signs of Lying
1. The liar smiles less
If you’ve seen this person smile and know how often the person smiles when he talks, you’ll have a baseline for how much he smiles. Contrary to what many people believe, when he tells a lie he’d smile less, not more. Many people expect liars to smile or laugh because they’re nervous. So, to feign honesty, seasoned liars would do the opposite of what people expect.
2. The liar touching her nose, covers her mouth, or lightly rubs her eye or ear
When a person tells a lie, the brain sends out a little “nervous energy” which slightly raises blood pressure. This rise in blood pressure results in the expansion of capillaries in the nose, causing it to swell slightly and tingle. You won’t see the nose swell like Pinocchio, but the liar will rub her nose to relieve the tingle. She may do the same by lightly rubbing her eye or pulling slightly on her earlobe.
Many liars cover their mouth or put their fingers on or inside their lips during or after the lie. We subconsciously reach for our mouth as a lie rolls off our tongue because we know it’s not true. Even Bill Clinton did this when he said “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.”
3. The liar makes small microgestures
To release some of that “nervous energy” or out of self-consciousness, the liar might fiddle with his keys in his pocket, play with his belt, adjust his cuffs, tug on his tie, lick his lips, stretch his neck, fidget, rock his weight between his feet, and so on.
4. The liar shows facial tics
Like in game of poker, the liar or bluffer may have a facial tic that gives away the lie. I know someone at work whose eyelid twitches every time he told a lie. It doesn’t even have to be a malicious lie. He could be having a terrible day and when I ask him, “how you doing?”, he replies “I’m great!” and then his eyelid twitches.
5. The liar’s pupils dilate
The person may be emotionally invested in the lie she is telling, so she wants you to believe it. While my wife was cheating on me and I was still in the dark, I had a gut feeling that I was being lied to. I asked her if there was anything between us that I needed to worry about, and she said “no, there’s nothing to worry about, we are good, don’t you believe that?” with dilated pupils. I was not convinced. Plus, this made me even more suspicious.
6. The liar’s cheeks get flushed
It’s that pesky “nervous energy” again! The tiny incremental rise in blood pressure fills capillaries around the face with extra blood, flushing the cheeks.
7. The liar begins sweating
This is an unreliable sign if you live in hot or humid climates, but take note if it’s cool or air-conditioned and he’s still sweating while his lip are moving. However, it’s possible the person has a medical condition that causes him to sweat profusely. Again, know the context.
8. The liar blinks his eyes more
Normally a person blinks about five times each minute. When the person tells a lie, his eyes blink more often. So when a person suddenly starts blinking more, note that the opposite of what he just said is probably the truth.
9. The liar scratches her neck with one finger
I think this is a women’s favorite, scratching just below her ear with her index finger. I used to mistake this as a sign of sexual attraction, when it turned out that she was just lying straight to my face. Maybe that’s why this is a women’s favorite.
10. The liar pulls on his collar
A little hot in here, isn’t it? I see male politicians do this because they’re full of… ahem, shall I say, hot air. Need I say more?
11. The liar looks away frequently
Inexperienced liars feel embarrassed and ashamed of themselves for telling lies, that they look away to avoid eye contact with you. This is especially the case with younger people.
12. The liar makes exaggerated eye contact
On the other hand, experienced liars know that doing the opposite of what people expect would help get their lie bought as truth. Instead of looking away, they make strong eye contact with you to feign honesty and make their lie more believable.
To get good at picking up these signs, don’t look for these individual signs one by one. Observe the whole person, relax your eyes, and rely on your peripheral vision the best you can. It’s much easier to catch those signs if you’ve talked to the person for a while, when you already have a baseline for how the person normally acts, as opposed to a total stranger. So when the person deviates from her usual baseline, you’ll be able to catch the lie.
I should note that it takes YEARS, even decades, to get good at catching lies. Sometimes I still get fooled. Other times I’m so focused on reading her lips and trying to make out what her words are, that I completely miss important body language signs.
What you do when a person lies to you, is entirely up to you. I personally do NOT like to call them out when I get lied to. I just let them think I believe them, and mentally file this information away in case I could use it to my advantage later. I don’t want people knowing that I can tell when they’re lying, because then they’d change their body language to confuse me, just like people trying to beat a lie detector test. So it’s to my advantage when no one else is the wiser.
PART 4: Reading and Using Body Language in Game
Before we see a woman we want to approach, we have two options:
1. Immediately approach her and spit game, and see if she bites. If she does not bite, we move on. Rinse and repeat. This option is playing the numbers game.
2. Wait for body language signals from that woman to see if she will be receptive to our approach. If she is sending these signals, approach and play the don’t-fuck-it-up game. This option is playing the sniper game to only approach women who are receptive to us.
There is nothing wrong with either option. I do both. It depends on the situation. For me, it’s hard to pick out body language signals in a crowded and noisy nightclub with flashing disco lights, so I use the shotgun approach and play the numbers. Also for novices or people who are rusty with game (like myself), playing the numbers is excellent practice for reading people while talking to them.
However, in quieter places like chill lounges or in good day game areas, I tend to use the sniper approach. Understand that much time spent using this sniper approach is waiting and watching... like an FBI stakeout waiting to pounce on the enemy… or like a lion waiting for his prey.
Before approaching, her body language will tell us how receptive, ready, and available (or desperate) she is. We will also pick up whether she’s giving out any enthusiastic and sexy vibes. Most of these signals are given out subconsciously. These signs are universal across all cultures because these are fundamental mating cues that humans use. All the technology, noise, mental searching for clever openers, and male hamstering only serve to distract you from picking up these subtle, but important, body language cues.
This part shows how to spot women sending out these signals to you. I learned these signs not only from my own gaming experience, but also from watching other people and couples in bars, food courts, and coffee shops.
Keep in mind as you read through these, many of these will not be as obvious as you imagine them to be when they do happen in reality. They will be subtle, very subtle. Sometimes almost imperceptible. If you are preoccupied with stuff on your mind or otherwise not focused, you will miss these signs. Sometimes I miss them, too.
14 Body Language Signs A Woman is Attracted to You
1. Extended eye contact
When you make eye contact, she holds the gaze for at least two or three seconds, and then looks away. You could start approaching her right away, or if you are not sure, wait to see if she does it again. Some men need her to do it two or three more times before he finally realizes that this woman is interested. Sadly many men may never notice. However, there’s a caveat. If it’s just fleeting eye contact, a fraction of a second or less, it is not a signal or indicator of interest.
2. Sideways look over her shoulder
Similar to #1, but this is a bigger sign. Why? She turned her head for you! Rarely do I see women actually turn their heads in the Western world, but they were doing it very brazenly in the Philippines. So if you manage to turn a pretty head around here, go after it!
3. Smile
After meeting her gaze and holding it, she gives a small Mona Lisa smile. Rarely does a woman give a big toothy grin. The most you’ll get is a half smile or a sly grin.
The gaze hold or smile is an invitation to approach. Now, I’ll say this does NOT happen to me very often. It does happen more in day game, when they can see me more clearly. But this almost NEVER happens to me in night game. You might have a different experience. Some men get all those signals at nightclubs and get laid like crazy, others get more signals during day game. I’m in the latter group.
4. Posturing
Having picked up her signals, you start making a beeline for her. She sees you coming. what does she do? Is she finished giving off mating cues? No. She continues to give off signals, but the signals are going to be different now. She starts posturing to make herself look the best she can:
* She pulls her shoulders back and straightens her body up, emphasizing her boobs.
* She tilts her head to expose some of her neck.
* She starts playing with her hair with her fingers.
Keep in mind she’s not doing it consciously, just like us men puffing up our chests and sucking in our stomachs when a hottie walks by. We all do it and we’re not aware we’re doing it. It’s automatic hardwired behavior. There are other posture-related signs discussed earlier in this post, such as leaning into you, not backing away when you advance into her personal space, etc.
5. Flicks hair over shoulders
You might see her toss her head to flick her hair over her shoulder. Or she might use her hand to move her hair back to expose her neck. When a woman exposes her neck in any way to a man, she is being submissive and showing the man that she is willing to let him “take” her.
6. Licks her lips
One of my personal favorites. I catch this a lot probably because I read lips so my eyes are almost always on her lips. As long as it’s not too bone dry and we’re not living in a desert, a woman licking her lips is prepping to sample your manhood with her mouth.
7. Mouth slightly open
Another good one, especially in conjunction with wetting her lips. Her heart rate and breathing speed is likely speeding up because she’s thinking, at least on a deep subconscious level, about fucking you.
8. Touches herself
I’ve noticed that when a woman and I are a couple drinks into our date, and it’s getting time to end the night with some bam bam, she starts touching herself by running a few fingers along her skin just below her neck, or along her thigh up to her hip. When she starts doing this, it’s time to close the tab and get out of there. Iron is as hot as it gets.
9. Faces you directly with no barriers
In a standing position in a bar or during day game, an interested woman faces you directly with no barriers (her arms, handbag, etc) between your bodies. Many women will tilt their body at an angle away from you if they’re not buying what you’re selling. Even worse, a woman who dislikes you will cross her arms or keep them crossed, or tightly hug her purse using it as a barrier between you and her. When a woman likes you, she will not create barriers between you and her when she faces you directly, allowing you to advance into her personal and intimate space.
10. Her palms and wrists openly face you
I can see how this is hard to imagine, but think of a cigarette smoker holding her cig up by her side with her open palm/wrist facing you and you get the idea. Instead of having her arms crossed or her hands in fists, she displays openness and submissiveness to you by showing you her open palms and wrists. If she doesn’t smoke, she could gesture with her hands palm-up while she talks.
11. Puts her purse or open-topped drink within your personal space
Placing her open-topped drink or handbag in your personal space without worrying that you’ll put something in it, or steal something from her handbag, is a display of trust, comfort, and ease with you. Women who do not trust you tend to tightly clutch their handbag or hold their drinks very close to their chest.
12. Displays her thighs
She might cross her legs to show some thigh and adjust to put her ankles in plain view. Her feet might begin pointing at you. She might un-cross and re-cross her legs in your direction, stroking her thighs as she’s doing it. I’ve seen girls do this at lounges with the men they’re with.
13. Dangles her shoe
She dangles her high heeled shoe while looking at you, while you are approaching her, gaming her, or on a date with her. This means she’s hoping to get her shoes off for some bam bam tonight. The last time I saw this was when I was with a 41 year Bolivian milf. Two drinks in, I saw her high heel dangling off her toes. Two minutes later, we were on our way out of the bar.
14. She touches you
As mentioned before, one of the most powerful signs of attraction is when she touches you on her own accord. By this I mean, unprompted touching. If you extend your hand for a handshake, it doesn’t count, because you are prompting her to touch your hand. Early on, touching tends to be more “accidental” where her hand could brush your hand or forearm, or her upper arm could brush your chest, etc. She may even touch your forearm with her hand when you say something funny. She does not recoil when you put your hand around her or on the small of her back, or even better, she gets closer to you.
Brief Summary
In this datasheet, you’ve learned that reading body language requires knowing and understanding the context, reading nonverbal cues in batches and not individually or in isolation, and looking for congruence between words and nonverbal communication. Learning to detect incongruencies helps you learn how to tell when people are lying to you. Then you’ve read about how to apply these principles to gaming, as you look for signs of attraction when you meet women.
This concludes the Body Language Datasheet. I hope you’ve enjoyed it and that it provides value to the members of this forum.
Part 1. General body language notes
Part 2. What the hands, eyes, smile, posture, and feet say
Part 3. How to tell when someone is lying
Part 4. Reading and using body language in game
Background
As a deaf person, reading body language was, and still is, a survival skill. For example, as a kid who had not yet developed language, I didn’t need to hear the words of an angry and threatening man to know that I had better steer clear of him. Not only did I learn how to read body language by watching people around me, but also by watching actors on television without closed captioning. For the first 4-6 years of my life, body language was the only information I was getting.
Then as I learned and developed verbal language, I could begin to match what people were saying with their body language. After I learned how to match congruences between words and body language cues, I learned how to catch incongruencies between verbal and nonverbal communication. Now, as an adult, I keep my people reading skills sharp by spending 30 minutes a day people watching during my lunch break.
Generally men suck at reading body language. Women are MUCH better at it, probably 3 or 4 times more skilled than men, because their brains are better wired for it than ours. However, a lot of players, successful salesmen, law enforcement, CIA agents, and most game practitioners like us on this forum are slightly better at reading body language than the rest of the male population.
If you’ve spent some time on this forum and practicing game, you probably are at least slightly better at reading people than the average male. For us, game, salesmanship, and enhanced body language reading skills can be a very powerful combination, especially in a time where everyone’s people reading skills are deteriorating in the age of smartphones and ipods.
We also miss a lot of body language cues because we are too focused on words, what to say next, or our own insecurities. I think this is one of the biggest reasons that a lot of frustrated men are doing poorly with women. If your mind is full of mental noise, you cannot read body language as well as you potentially can.
Even though I am quite skilled at reading body language, I still have not silenced the mental noise in my mind to become a TRUE master at it. That would be the next step for me. This comes down to inner game: only with strong inner game, can you quiet your mind enough to master this skill. Ten minutes of meditation to quiet your mind, and then 15 minutes a day of people watching for at least two years will go a long way in helping you improve your body language reading skills. You don’t need a Ph.D. in Psychology to get good at this.
PART 1: General Body Language Notes
In short, body language is a window into a person’s emotional state. Every movement, facial expression, or gesture is a clue to how the person is thinking or feeling. The key to reading body language is to understand a person’s emotional state, what the person is saying, and the circumstances around those words.
While there are cultural differences in body language, especially with gestures, most facial expressions showing happiness, sadness, anger, and a myriad of emotions are almost universal. When a person doesn’t know something, he shrugs - whether he’s from Russia, Brazil, Norway, Africa, or anywhere else in the world. Open palms showing that nothing is concealed is also universal. Raised eyebrows as an acknowledgement or a greeting is universal. Nodding for “yes” and shaking one’s head for “no” are generally universal. However, some gestures have completely different meanings in different countries, so be careful with these.
There are three things you need to do to read body language accurately:
1. Know and Understand the Context
Every conversation or interaction has a context. Before interpreting any cues or gestures, be sure you understand the context. Here’s a very basic example, when a person crosses her arms, it could mean she’s closed off and uncomfortable. Or maybe she’s just cold. The context, whether she’s waiting for a bus in 0 degree weather, or she’s indoors at room temperature, will tell you which is the correct interpretation.
Here’s another example. If a girl is seated with her legs crossed (one knee over the other), consider what she’s wearing before you draw conclusions from her crossed legs. Is she wearing jeans? Or is she wearing a short tight skirt? If it’s anything other than a short tight skirt, her crossed legs may be a form of protection. This inner need to protect herself outwardly manifesting itself through crossing her legs may have a negative meaning in your interaction with her. It makes her seem unapproachable. Or if she’s already with you, she may not like or trust you.
It would be wise not to draw any real conclusions if she is indeed wearing a short tight skirt, because she has to cross her legs, lest she inadvertently puts on a peep show for strangers. Instead, look at the direction her legs are crossed in. If you’re sitting next to each other, are her legs crossed toward you, or away from you?
When reading body language, context is everything. Being deaf, I sometimes go into a situation not fully knowing or grasping the context, and that’s when I fly blind and make mistakes. It is best to sit back and watch, listen much more than you talk, or ask questions, until you fully understand the circumstances.
Sometimes you may get mixed body language signals. When you are getting mixed signals, go back to the context and be sure you understand it, and look for additional cues. The smart thing to do is to not act or make any major moves until the mixed signals clear themselves up.
2. Read Cues and Gestures in Batches
A major mistake many people make in reading body language is reading and interpreting each and every cue in isolation. At best, this leads to overthinking or psychoanalyzing, stunting your conversational skills, and you’d come across as a stiff. At worst, this can lead to faulty interpretations and if those are acted upon, it leads to miscommunication and unnecessary drama.
Look at the big picture, the whole person, and read cues and gestures in batches. Gestures may occur in groups of twos, threes, and fours. Instead of looking at each cue one by one, look for multiple gestures, cues, and poses all at once and infer the overall feel of what you are seeing.
For example, imagine you’re mixing and mingling at a networking cocktail party and you meet a person with whom you chat for a few minutes. You’re enjoying the chat and have lots more to say. The person, although smiling, is giving one word or short phrase answers. His weight is on one back foot leaning away from you, body tilted towards the nearest door, and giving quick and short nods to what you’re saying.
Based on the smiling and nodding alone, you might think that he’s also enjoying the conversation and encouraging you to talk more with his nods. On the other hand, if you observe all four body language cues at the same time: 1) quick and short nods, 2) weight on one back foot leaning away from you, 3) body tilted towards the nearest exit, and 4) his short answers, it will quickly become apparent that he wants to extract himself from the conversation without being rude and is impatiently waiting for you to finish.
As you’re reading this, it may seem painfully obvious. But you’d be surprised how many people fail to pick up on simple cues like this. We’ve all gotten stuck with that boring dude at a party who just doesn’t get it... he keeps standing there and talking, while we’re trying to find a way to extract ourselves from his one-sided conversation. We’re giving all the signs in our own body language that we want to get out of there, but he’s not seeing it. This type of guy is not likely to be very good with the ladies, given his lack of body language awareness.
3. Look for Congruence and Incongruence
When a person’s words match their actions and body language, they are being congruent. Nonverbal cues carry a lot more weight than words, and anytime there is an inconsistency between the two, nonverbal cues always tell the real story.
Imagine you’re with some girl and it’s almost dinner time. You start thinking of restaurant ideas, and you say “hey, let’s try that Indian food place, what do you think?” She nods and says yes. Before you think she is down for your suggestion, keep in mind that many people are uncomfortable with saying “no” outright, particularly in certain cultures. So, usually you can expect a verbal “yes”, but you will get an accurate reading when you observe HOW she said yes. If she nods enthusiastically, smiles, and uses a strong affirmative tone in her answer, then her verbal reply is congruent with her body language.
On the other hand, if she either gives a short quick nod with a tight upper lip then lowers her head, or you notice a flash of dislike towards Indian food followed by an effort to control her facial expression to hide her disagreement, then her verbal reply is incongruent with her body language. Better come up with a different restaurant idea.
When in doubt, your gut feeling is the best tool to pick up on incongruencies and other important body language signals. Even if you miss these in real time, your gut feeling will gnaw at you for some time afterwards. This is often what happens when newbies come in here starting “did I fuck up?” threads, and posting a play-by-play with some girl and how things fell apart at the end. Their gut feeling is telling them that they missed something important and thus lost the girl, driving them to write such threads. This important element could be an incongruency in their girl’s body language, their own incongruency that their girl picked up on and got turned off, or entirely missing a green light to take her home and bang her.
Another example. When you’re talking to a girl about her family, watch how she talks about her parents. Let’s say she tells you she gets along well with her parents, but fails to hide a split second sneer every time she mentions her mother. Would you be convinced by her professed love for her mother?
As a rule, when you pick up an incongruency, ignore the words and go by their actions. Beware of investing too much of yourself, your trust, and your time into a person with a lot of ongoing inconsistencies between their words and actions. This is exactly what happens when a woman says, seemingly at random, “I don’t like that person, something about him seems off but I don’t know why.”
PART 2: What the Hands, Eyes, Smile, Posture, and Feet Say
This section covers the hands, eyes, smile, feet, and posture and how to read them. There are entire shelves of books written on this topic, plus millions of gestures, and it would be impossible to cover everything. So I will limit the scope to gaming women.
Hands
There are more nerve and synaptic connections between the brain and hands than any other body part. Because of this strong connection between the brain and hands, the person’s hands give great clues to what the person is thinking and feeling.
Hands can be palm up, palm down, fisted, or pointing fingers. Palm up is nonthreatening, palm down is authoritative, fisted hands betrays discomfort or anger, and pointed finger is the one of the most primally threatening gestures. There’s a reason it’s rude to point fingers at other people and that applies to almost all cultures.
When talking with a woman, look at what her hands are doing.
Some of the good signs are:
* Brushing her hair above and around her ear with her fingers while looking at you (attracted and grooming herself).
* Showing her palms in your line of view (submissive).
* Puts both her hands flat on top of each other, elbows resting on a table top, resting her head on her hands while looking at you, as if she’s displaying her pretty head for you (very attracted and open to you).
* Touches you at anytime, anywhere (attracted).
* Holds her hands behind her back in a relaxed posture, exposing her front and augmenting her breasts for you (open, relaxed, submissive, and trusts you).
It’s generally a bad sign if she’s:
* Holding her purse on her lap as if it’s a shield between you and her body (guarded and protective of herself).
* Crossed her arms (closed off).
* Clasping and squeezing her hands or interweaving her fingers (uncomfortable).
* Clenching her fists (angry or hostile).
* Always reaching for her smartphone, or hunched over with both hands holding her phone (preoccupied).
* Putting or keeping her hands in her pockets (self-conscious and nervous).
Eyes
Eye contact is among the best indicators of a woman’s interest in a man, and vice versa. I’ve talked a lot about this in my Deaf Game Datasheet.
When you walk into a room and a woman is there, she might look at you for an initial fraction of a second. This is natural because human eyes automatically look at a moving object when it enters the field of view, so it is not necessarily an indicator of interest. If she looks away or back into her book immediately, she isn’t interested nor attracted to you. Even if you were the last person on earth, she would not fuck you.
But if her eyes rest on you - any part of your body - or tracks you for at least two seconds as you walk by, then there is attraction on a primal level. Just as men can’t help turning their heads when they see a nice piece of ass walk by, women can’t help extending their first glance upon you if they’re attracted to you.
It doesn’t yet mean that she will be receptive to your approach or will have sex with you, but the basic primal attraction is there. She might be married or otherwise attached, or she might be on the rag. There could be a million reasons she wouldn’t sleep with you. But if none of those reasons existed - she was single, and ovulating - then there is a non-zero chance that sex would happening.
As you are talking to a woman, watch her eyes. If she holds your gaze and keeps looking down at you, your torso, she is attracted and is checking you out. Your biceps, your crotch, and your shoes. It helps when you are looking good and you have good posture. If, however, she keeps looking elsewhere, to your left or to your right or over your shoulder, it’s not a good sign and you’d do better to move on.
Also, watch the eyes when she smiles. If the skin and facial muscles pull back and create wrinkles around her eyes when she smiles, she is being genuine. If not, her smile is fake. Practice watching the eyes as people smile, and you’ll be better able to pick out which smiles are real or fake.
Smile
Just because a woman is smiling in your presence doesn’t mean you’re doing well with her. It depends on HOW she is smiling, whether her teeth are concealed or showing, and how symmetrical her smile is on both sides of her face.
A tight-lipped smile that conceals her teeth is not necessarily a good sign. If you’re gaming her and she gives you one of those smiles, she is probably trying to conceal a negative comment or opinion of you. An asymmetrical smile, with one side up and the other side down, tends to show mixed, conflicted, or even opposite emotions at the same time. A tight-lipped or asymmetrical smile often happens when someone makes a snide or offensive comment, or does something she doesn’t like.
Context applies here, especially for smirks, sly Mona Lisa grins, closed lip or asymmetrical smiles. In isolation, they could mean almost anything, but knowing the context will help you interpret the meaning behind those smiles.
The smiles that you want to see are A) a relaxed, open mouthed and showing teeth, symmetrical one with the muscles around her eyes contracted showing genuine happiness and enjoyment, and B) a seductive smile with a lowered head looking up sideways at you. These kind of smiles mean you are doing well. Game on!
Feet
If you’re not sure of the signals you are getting from the face, arms, or hands, look at the feet. Whether the person’s legs are crossed, how the legs are crossed, and where the feet are pointing to, gives you insight on their emotional state and whether or not they are open to you.
What people’s feet tell you is this: they ALWAYS point in the direction where they WANT to go.
Let’s go back to the boring dude at the networking cocktail party. He’s talking your ear off while you’re wanting to get out of there, and your body is tilted towards the nearest exit. Hit the pause button and look down at your own feet. In what direction would your feet be pointing to? That’s right, you guessed it - the nearest exit door.
Let’s say you’re at a party and talking to a group of three girls. In this hypothetical scenario, all three girls seem equally attractive, and giving you equal amounts of attention. You’re not sure who you want to pick and it is getting time to make a decision. How do you make that decision? Simple. Look at their feet and where they are pointing. You might see that two of the three girls have their feet pointing at their own friends in the group, except one girl on your left has her right foot pointed straight at YOU. Now THAT girl is the one you should pick.
Let’s take another scenario. You’re on a date with some girl, and everything seems to be going well. You’re both sitting down, chatting, laughing, and drinking. You’re thinking you’ve got this in the bag. Then suddenly the night ends, you part ways, and she never texts you again. You wonder what the hell happened. While you’re wracking your brain for something you said wrong or how you fucked up, you might have missed an important body language sign. When she was sitting next to you, her legs were crossed away from you AND her feet were pointed away from you. She may have been having a nice time and getting a free drink from you, but had no intentions of going home with you… and her legs and feet give this away by not pointing toward you.
Now, when I go on dates or approach women, I check her feet and whether they are pointing at me. The last time I took a girl back to my place; we were sitting on bar stools and she didn’t cross her legs. Instead, her legs were slightly parted and both feet were pointing directly at me. I noticed the incongruency here, she was giving me a nonverbal green light, despite her acting cold and aloof with her words.
Posture
How a person is standing or sitting, and the position of her hands, arms, and feet, makes up the person’s entire posture. Looking at the person’s entire posture helps you pick up several body language cues at once, rather than just looking at the face or eyes. Yes, the eyes are very important, but is only one body language cue that can be misleading if read in isolation. Looking at the posture as well as the face and eyes gives you a complete picture that, taken in context, gives you a good idea what the person’s emotional state is - and whether they are feeling confident or unsure of themselves.
Obviously when a person’s arms are crossed and tightly gripping each other, the person is uncomfortable, as in the case of first-time air travelers about to take off, people waiting for their dentist appointment, or a girl getting hit on by a guy she doesn’t find attractive. It’s as if crossing arms is putting a barrier between the person and something that person does not like.
Here’s a little trick that I discovered purely by accident. When I’m trying to talk to a woman who has her arms crossed, I ask her to hold my drink for a minute, saying that I need to find my pen and write something down. This gets her to uncross her arms and hold my drink. As I continue talking to her for a couple of sentences (or writing on a paper pad), with my drink in her hand, her arms and body become more open to me. The hope in this is that it tricks her brain into thinking that she’s “opening up” to me. It doesn’t always work, but I can remember off the top of my head I’ve turned perhaps 3 or 4 initial arm-crossers into actual bangs by doing exactly this.
However, if you see clenched fists while her arms are crossed, she has a hostile attitude and the smart thing to do would be to next her and move on. Another nextable situation is when she keeps her handbag as a shield between you and her. It’s her way of telling you you’re wasting your time.
If she has a half-arm cross, with one arm hugging herself and the other arm hanging down on her side, she’s feeling protective or shy, but not totally closed off. At that point, I would run more comfort to put her more at ease.
Along these lines, let’s say you’re in a professional workplace trying to sell an idea or product - if the person is holding a coffee mug on the table with her arm across her body as a “barrier”, she’s not quite open to your idea yet. But when the person takes a sip of coffee, and places the mug at her side with her body open, no barriers, she may now be more open to listening to your sales spiel.
Positive signs with a girl’s posture showing her attraction to you:
* Leaning in to you
* Facing you directly rather than at an angle
* Not backing away when you advance into her personal space
* And the BIG one - touching you.
I believe that if she touches you even ONCE on her own accord, she is attracted and there is a chance for a bang if you play your cards right. If she touches you TWICE, that is good sign for a SNL. If she touches you THREE times, what the fuck are you waiting for? Get a room, pronto!
PART 3: How to Tell When a Person is Lying
When a person tells a lie, there will be a mismatch between what the person is saying and the body language signs the person is giving. Even when you’re not aware, you are seeing and hearing these incongruencies. Think of the last time you walked away from a conversation feeling puzzled… that something didn’t feel quite right, but you couldn’t quite put your finger on it? That’s it - you’ve subconsciously picked up on an incongruency, or a conflict between what you heard and the person’s body language.
Now, what you want to do is to consciously ferret out that lie in real-time by sitting back, keeping your mouth shut, quieting down your mind, and observing their body language cues while they talk. The how-to will be discussed here.
Despite what they’ll tell you, most women are skilled liars. They’re better at reading people, and therefore are better at manipulating people with well-placed lies. They tend to make their lies more complicated with long convoluted stories and hamster-spinning, whereas men keep their lies simple - “oh my battery died, that’s why I didn’t call.”
Some people are pathological liars, and these are the hardest to catch. Perhaps almost impossible. As George Costanza once said in Seinfeld, “it is not a lie… if you believe it.” So when a pathological liar really believes what she is saying as truth, her body will act like she’s telling the truth, making it all the more difficult to catch the lie.
However, there are ways to catch lies told by most people. When a person, man or woman, tells a lie, their brain knows it’s not true and sends out “nervous energy” throughout the body. Some people, including politicians, know how to control their body movements as they tell lies and people fall for it. But there’s almost always something that goes out of place, an inconsistency, that they cannot control, if you know where to look and how to look for it. And it’s not the bullshit left-or-right and up-or-down eye movements...
12 Signs of Lying
1. The liar smiles less
If you’ve seen this person smile and know how often the person smiles when he talks, you’ll have a baseline for how much he smiles. Contrary to what many people believe, when he tells a lie he’d smile less, not more. Many people expect liars to smile or laugh because they’re nervous. So, to feign honesty, seasoned liars would do the opposite of what people expect.
2. The liar touching her nose, covers her mouth, or lightly rubs her eye or ear
When a person tells a lie, the brain sends out a little “nervous energy” which slightly raises blood pressure. This rise in blood pressure results in the expansion of capillaries in the nose, causing it to swell slightly and tingle. You won’t see the nose swell like Pinocchio, but the liar will rub her nose to relieve the tingle. She may do the same by lightly rubbing her eye or pulling slightly on her earlobe.
Many liars cover their mouth or put their fingers on or inside their lips during or after the lie. We subconsciously reach for our mouth as a lie rolls off our tongue because we know it’s not true. Even Bill Clinton did this when he said “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.”
3. The liar makes small microgestures
To release some of that “nervous energy” or out of self-consciousness, the liar might fiddle with his keys in his pocket, play with his belt, adjust his cuffs, tug on his tie, lick his lips, stretch his neck, fidget, rock his weight between his feet, and so on.
4. The liar shows facial tics
Like in game of poker, the liar or bluffer may have a facial tic that gives away the lie. I know someone at work whose eyelid twitches every time he told a lie. It doesn’t even have to be a malicious lie. He could be having a terrible day and when I ask him, “how you doing?”, he replies “I’m great!” and then his eyelid twitches.
5. The liar’s pupils dilate
The person may be emotionally invested in the lie she is telling, so she wants you to believe it. While my wife was cheating on me and I was still in the dark, I had a gut feeling that I was being lied to. I asked her if there was anything between us that I needed to worry about, and she said “no, there’s nothing to worry about, we are good, don’t you believe that?” with dilated pupils. I was not convinced. Plus, this made me even more suspicious.
6. The liar’s cheeks get flushed
It’s that pesky “nervous energy” again! The tiny incremental rise in blood pressure fills capillaries around the face with extra blood, flushing the cheeks.
7. The liar begins sweating
This is an unreliable sign if you live in hot or humid climates, but take note if it’s cool or air-conditioned and he’s still sweating while his lip are moving. However, it’s possible the person has a medical condition that causes him to sweat profusely. Again, know the context.
8. The liar blinks his eyes more
Normally a person blinks about five times each minute. When the person tells a lie, his eyes blink more often. So when a person suddenly starts blinking more, note that the opposite of what he just said is probably the truth.
9. The liar scratches her neck with one finger
I think this is a women’s favorite, scratching just below her ear with her index finger. I used to mistake this as a sign of sexual attraction, when it turned out that she was just lying straight to my face. Maybe that’s why this is a women’s favorite.
10. The liar pulls on his collar
A little hot in here, isn’t it? I see male politicians do this because they’re full of… ahem, shall I say, hot air. Need I say more?
11. The liar looks away frequently
Inexperienced liars feel embarrassed and ashamed of themselves for telling lies, that they look away to avoid eye contact with you. This is especially the case with younger people.
12. The liar makes exaggerated eye contact
On the other hand, experienced liars know that doing the opposite of what people expect would help get their lie bought as truth. Instead of looking away, they make strong eye contact with you to feign honesty and make their lie more believable.
To get good at picking up these signs, don’t look for these individual signs one by one. Observe the whole person, relax your eyes, and rely on your peripheral vision the best you can. It’s much easier to catch those signs if you’ve talked to the person for a while, when you already have a baseline for how the person normally acts, as opposed to a total stranger. So when the person deviates from her usual baseline, you’ll be able to catch the lie.
I should note that it takes YEARS, even decades, to get good at catching lies. Sometimes I still get fooled. Other times I’m so focused on reading her lips and trying to make out what her words are, that I completely miss important body language signs.
What you do when a person lies to you, is entirely up to you. I personally do NOT like to call them out when I get lied to. I just let them think I believe them, and mentally file this information away in case I could use it to my advantage later. I don’t want people knowing that I can tell when they’re lying, because then they’d change their body language to confuse me, just like people trying to beat a lie detector test. So it’s to my advantage when no one else is the wiser.
PART 4: Reading and Using Body Language in Game
Before we see a woman we want to approach, we have two options:
1. Immediately approach her and spit game, and see if she bites. If she does not bite, we move on. Rinse and repeat. This option is playing the numbers game.
2. Wait for body language signals from that woman to see if she will be receptive to our approach. If she is sending these signals, approach and play the don’t-fuck-it-up game. This option is playing the sniper game to only approach women who are receptive to us.
There is nothing wrong with either option. I do both. It depends on the situation. For me, it’s hard to pick out body language signals in a crowded and noisy nightclub with flashing disco lights, so I use the shotgun approach and play the numbers. Also for novices or people who are rusty with game (like myself), playing the numbers is excellent practice for reading people while talking to them.
However, in quieter places like chill lounges or in good day game areas, I tend to use the sniper approach. Understand that much time spent using this sniper approach is waiting and watching... like an FBI stakeout waiting to pounce on the enemy… or like a lion waiting for his prey.
Before approaching, her body language will tell us how receptive, ready, and available (or desperate) she is. We will also pick up whether she’s giving out any enthusiastic and sexy vibes. Most of these signals are given out subconsciously. These signs are universal across all cultures because these are fundamental mating cues that humans use. All the technology, noise, mental searching for clever openers, and male hamstering only serve to distract you from picking up these subtle, but important, body language cues.
This part shows how to spot women sending out these signals to you. I learned these signs not only from my own gaming experience, but also from watching other people and couples in bars, food courts, and coffee shops.
Keep in mind as you read through these, many of these will not be as obvious as you imagine them to be when they do happen in reality. They will be subtle, very subtle. Sometimes almost imperceptible. If you are preoccupied with stuff on your mind or otherwise not focused, you will miss these signs. Sometimes I miss them, too.
14 Body Language Signs A Woman is Attracted to You
1. Extended eye contact
When you make eye contact, she holds the gaze for at least two or three seconds, and then looks away. You could start approaching her right away, or if you are not sure, wait to see if she does it again. Some men need her to do it two or three more times before he finally realizes that this woman is interested. Sadly many men may never notice. However, there’s a caveat. If it’s just fleeting eye contact, a fraction of a second or less, it is not a signal or indicator of interest.
2. Sideways look over her shoulder
Similar to #1, but this is a bigger sign. Why? She turned her head for you! Rarely do I see women actually turn their heads in the Western world, but they were doing it very brazenly in the Philippines. So if you manage to turn a pretty head around here, go after it!
3. Smile
After meeting her gaze and holding it, she gives a small Mona Lisa smile. Rarely does a woman give a big toothy grin. The most you’ll get is a half smile or a sly grin.
The gaze hold or smile is an invitation to approach. Now, I’ll say this does NOT happen to me very often. It does happen more in day game, when they can see me more clearly. But this almost NEVER happens to me in night game. You might have a different experience. Some men get all those signals at nightclubs and get laid like crazy, others get more signals during day game. I’m in the latter group.
4. Posturing
Having picked up her signals, you start making a beeline for her. She sees you coming. what does she do? Is she finished giving off mating cues? No. She continues to give off signals, but the signals are going to be different now. She starts posturing to make herself look the best she can:
* She pulls her shoulders back and straightens her body up, emphasizing her boobs.
* She tilts her head to expose some of her neck.
* She starts playing with her hair with her fingers.
Keep in mind she’s not doing it consciously, just like us men puffing up our chests and sucking in our stomachs when a hottie walks by. We all do it and we’re not aware we’re doing it. It’s automatic hardwired behavior. There are other posture-related signs discussed earlier in this post, such as leaning into you, not backing away when you advance into her personal space, etc.
5. Flicks hair over shoulders
You might see her toss her head to flick her hair over her shoulder. Or she might use her hand to move her hair back to expose her neck. When a woman exposes her neck in any way to a man, she is being submissive and showing the man that she is willing to let him “take” her.
6. Licks her lips
One of my personal favorites. I catch this a lot probably because I read lips so my eyes are almost always on her lips. As long as it’s not too bone dry and we’re not living in a desert, a woman licking her lips is prepping to sample your manhood with her mouth.
7. Mouth slightly open
Another good one, especially in conjunction with wetting her lips. Her heart rate and breathing speed is likely speeding up because she’s thinking, at least on a deep subconscious level, about fucking you.
8. Touches herself
I’ve noticed that when a woman and I are a couple drinks into our date, and it’s getting time to end the night with some bam bam, she starts touching herself by running a few fingers along her skin just below her neck, or along her thigh up to her hip. When she starts doing this, it’s time to close the tab and get out of there. Iron is as hot as it gets.
9. Faces you directly with no barriers
In a standing position in a bar or during day game, an interested woman faces you directly with no barriers (her arms, handbag, etc) between your bodies. Many women will tilt their body at an angle away from you if they’re not buying what you’re selling. Even worse, a woman who dislikes you will cross her arms or keep them crossed, or tightly hug her purse using it as a barrier between you and her. When a woman likes you, she will not create barriers between you and her when she faces you directly, allowing you to advance into her personal and intimate space.
10. Her palms and wrists openly face you
I can see how this is hard to imagine, but think of a cigarette smoker holding her cig up by her side with her open palm/wrist facing you and you get the idea. Instead of having her arms crossed or her hands in fists, she displays openness and submissiveness to you by showing you her open palms and wrists. If she doesn’t smoke, she could gesture with her hands palm-up while she talks.
11. Puts her purse or open-topped drink within your personal space
Placing her open-topped drink or handbag in your personal space without worrying that you’ll put something in it, or steal something from her handbag, is a display of trust, comfort, and ease with you. Women who do not trust you tend to tightly clutch their handbag or hold their drinks very close to their chest.
12. Displays her thighs
She might cross her legs to show some thigh and adjust to put her ankles in plain view. Her feet might begin pointing at you. She might un-cross and re-cross her legs in your direction, stroking her thighs as she’s doing it. I’ve seen girls do this at lounges with the men they’re with.
13. Dangles her shoe
She dangles her high heeled shoe while looking at you, while you are approaching her, gaming her, or on a date with her. This means she’s hoping to get her shoes off for some bam bam tonight. The last time I saw this was when I was with a 41 year Bolivian milf. Two drinks in, I saw her high heel dangling off her toes. Two minutes later, we were on our way out of the bar.
14. She touches you
As mentioned before, one of the most powerful signs of attraction is when she touches you on her own accord. By this I mean, unprompted touching. If you extend your hand for a handshake, it doesn’t count, because you are prompting her to touch your hand. Early on, touching tends to be more “accidental” where her hand could brush your hand or forearm, or her upper arm could brush your chest, etc. She may even touch your forearm with her hand when you say something funny. She does not recoil when you put your hand around her or on the small of her back, or even better, she gets closer to you.
Brief Summary
In this datasheet, you’ve learned that reading body language requires knowing and understanding the context, reading nonverbal cues in batches and not individually or in isolation, and looking for congruence between words and nonverbal communication. Learning to detect incongruencies helps you learn how to tell when people are lying to you. Then you’ve read about how to apply these principles to gaming, as you look for signs of attraction when you meet women.
This concludes the Body Language Datasheet. I hope you’ve enjoyed it and that it provides value to the members of this forum.
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