[AquilonBE]

Hi guys, long time lurker here, decided I really needed some game advice...

Long story short an old flame from highschool is back where I live and wants to meet for drinks. She's a good 6-7 Swedish but non-feminist and cool so think it could be worth meeting up...But I'm conscious of her past (engaged to someone but ended for reasons unknown, has a tattoo) so red flags are building...

I guess my question is how can you tell if a girl is reverting to her 'settle' phase before she hits the wall, or if she really is a decent one...I'm 31 and she is 29.

[Saweeep]

You're 31.

Have some fun with her...and nothing else.

You should be aiming for much younger girls for a LTR.

[AquilonBE]

(08-15-2015 07:26 PM)CrashBangWallop Wrote:  

You're 31.

Have some fun with her...and nothing else.

You should be aiming for much younger girls for a LTR.

Thanks, I think you're right. Getting her into a FB situation could be good.

[Onto]

I'm a little confused. How does her wanting to "settle" go against her being a "decent one". I don't see these things as being mutually exclusive. What I mean is, can't it be both? Unless I mis-read what you're saying.

She can be looking to settle down and also be a decent candidate for marriage. Though the tattoo is a red flag, but who knows? The previous broken engagement could've happened for many reasons. Can't make a judgment call on that without further info.

Sounds like she just back into town and wants some good company. It's a compliment to you that she wants to be with you. What her motives are....time will tell. Keep your guard up, eyes open and your emotions in check. You spotted the red flags, which is a good sign you're aware and keeping your head about you.

Update this thread as it goes along and we'll do our best to chime in.

[AquilonBE]

Thanks Onto, good advice.

I think your confusion gets to the heart of things. Is she looking for a chump to settle with? Or Is she still the 'decent one' I thought she was before?

She has never said to me she is looking to settle down but I see that from here previous relationships...her last bf for 3 years, and it just makes me worried that she knows she is hitting the wall.

[Dalaran1991]

(08-15-2015 07:53 PM)Onto Wrote:  

I'm a little confused. How does her wanting to "settle" go against her being a "decent one". I don't see these things as being mutually exclusive. What I mean is, can't it be both?

IMO if she is 29 and she still need to find someone to settle, big fucking red flag. If she's such a decent one, either she would find someone or someone found her early in her 20s already.

All the decent women I know get married before late 20s.

OP should indeed go ahead and meet up with her if he has nothing better to do, no need to put the cart in front of the horse. Guys havent banged the girls and already worry about whether or not she is a good catch... That question should only be asked after the bang. If she is decent, LTR. If not, fuck buddy or ONS.

[samsamsam]

Just wrap it if you do bang.

[Onto]

(08-15-2015 08:16 PM)AquilonBE Wrote:  

Thanks Onto, good advice.

I think your confusion gets to the heart of things. Is she looking for a chump to settle with? Or Is she still the 'decent one' I thought she was before?

She has never said to me she is looking to settle down but I see that from here previous relationships...her last bf for 3 years, and it just makes me worried that she knows she is hitting the wall.

That's a good question. Were you the chump when you two dated all those years ago? Why did it end? Did you actually dodge a bullet before? Or is this destiny?

Who knows, maybe both are true. Would need to know more about the original relationship.

Often people tend to date the opposite of what they were involved with before. Both personalities and types of relations. For example, if she just got out of an LTR, she's looking to ride the carousal. After getting dizzy from several rounds of that, she's looking for an LTR.

I'm sure she's gaining some awareness of the wall. I'm closing in on 45 and I certainly know I'm approaching it too. Every day I see the crows feet clawing in on me.

The good thing about the wall is it may bring about humility, which is among the best of traits. We start to let go of our selfish demands that life be this way, or the other person should be all of this and all of that. Within reason of course.

Some call it settling, but it's really a settling down of one's demands, which is akin to maturity.

It's probably why 3rd world countries tend to have good hearted women. Suffering, which often brings about humility, is a way of life for them.

At 29 yrs old she should be feeling her finitude in some way. Thinking about home life, a husband, a family. She literally did just move back to her "hometown", if I understand right?

This is all guessing about her motives, we haven't even discussed what you want from all of this?

In any case, like that first real warm day of the year, the only way to know how the water's feels is to put a foot in.

[amusedmastery]

29 = Security phase if you go by Rollo's chart. Chances are she's looking at you as an Alpha for a quick bang OR she sees you as the Beta to hook in with as her SMV plummets. That damn chart has been so dead on in most "real life" instances I've encountered it's not even funny.

Tread carefully and as stated above, wrap it up for good reason.

[AquilonBE]

(08-15-2015 08:16 PM)Dalaran1991 Wrote:  

(08-15-2015 07:53 PM)Onto Wrote:  

I'm a little confused. How does her wanting to "settle" go against her being a "decent one". I don't see these things as being mutually exclusive. What I mean is, can't it be both?

IMO if she is 29 and she still need to find someone to settle, big fucking red flag. If she's such a decent one, either she would find someone or someone found her early in her 20s already.

All the decent women I know get married before late 20s.

OP should indeed go ahead and meet up with her if he has nothing better to do, no need to put the cart in front of the horse. Guys havent banged the girls and already worry about whether or not she is a good catch... That question should only be asked after the bang. If she is decent, LTR. If not, fuck buddy or ONS.

Yes definitely a red flag but she did find someone, she was engaged to be married but broke it off just recently. I don't know the details but will try and find out more.

[AquilonBE]

(08-15-2015 11:14 PM)Onto Wrote:  

(08-15-2015 08:16 PM)AquilonBE Wrote:  

Thanks Onto, good advice.

I think your confusion gets to the heart of things. Is she looking for a chump to settle with? Or Is she still the 'decent one' I thought she was before?

She has never said to me she is looking to settle down but I see that from here previous relationships...her last bf for 3 years, and it just makes me worried that she knows she is hitting the wall.

That's a good question. Were you the chump when you two dated all those years ago? Why did it end? Did you actually dodge a bullet before? Or is this destiny?

Who knows, maybe both are true. Would need to know more about the original relationship.

Often people tend to date the opposite of what they were involved with before. Both personalities and types of relations. For example, if she just got out of an LTR, she's looking to ride the carousal. After getting dizzy from several rounds of that, she's looking for an LTR.

I'm sure she's gaining some awareness of the wall. I'm closing in on 45 and I certainly know I'm approaching it too. Every day I see the crows feet clawing in on me.

The good thing about the wall is it may bring about humility, which is among the best of traits. We start to let go of our selfish demands that life be this way, or the other person should be all of this and all of that. Within reason of course.

Some call it settling, but it's really a settling down of one's demands, which is akin to maturity.

It's probably why 3rd world countries tend to have good hearted women. Suffering, which often brings about humility, is a way of life for them.

At 29 yrs old she should be feeling her finitude in some way. Thinking about home life, a husband, a family. She literally did just move back to her "hometown", if I understand right?

This is all guessing about her motives, we haven't even discussed what you want from all of this?

In any case, like that first real warm day of the year, the only way to know how the water's feels is to put a foot in.

I probably was a chump all those years ago but in fact I broke it off with her so i'm not sure she would see it that way. A friend of mine was into her first so I felt uncomfortable getting serious with her (very beta I know). Although I then ended up dating one of her friends for the rest of highschool...

Right now I just need to know the signs, is she a decent girl or is she looking for a beta schmuck? I'll meet up with her soon and hopefully discover more but thanks to everyone who's replied, it all helps!

[iknowexactly]

You can't guess where she is psychologically by just knowing the minimal demographics and history you know at this point.
Different POSSIBILITIES are somewhat more likely, but you have to know context and history.

[Ray Carlton]

I don't really get your point here.

Meet her. Bang her. Move on.

If she is a good fuck, keep her around as a fuck buddy.

All the others questions, whether she is a decent girl or not , are not important as long as you don't make her your girlfriend - which is your decision.

Remember, men are the door keepers for relationships.

I get the feeling that you might be interested in a relationship with her, that's why you are overthinking this situation.

Ray

[samsamsam]

She just broke it off with another guy. That would be a big flag to me to not get too caught up with her. You have no idea what is going through her head.

[PapayaTapper]

All the charts and graphs or opinions in the world can't decide what you want out of the interaction for you

Is she thinking "I want to settle down and marry a nice guy now and raise a family happily ever after"? Probably

Is she thinking "I want to settled down and marry a nice guy now and then later lose respect for him and grow to loath him so I will eventually cheat on him and finally divorce rape him"? Probably not

Trust your intuition But most importantly remember that like most things in ones life the outcome is largely in one's own hands

[Deepdiver]

If she just broke up with an other guy - how long ago - he may have been an Alpha who decided to pump and dump her after a few years when something younger and sexier with no tattoos came along for a real LTR - she could still be yearning for his nightly beef injection. If she broke up less than six months ago you could be dealing with the 29 year old Rollo Tomassi lifecycle security imperative combined with a Rebound situation...

The old saying among women is the best way to get over a man is to get under another.

Is she using you for cock replacement therapy? Nothing wrong with that if you enjoy knocking boots with her just don't knock her up unless and until you decide that YOU want her for an LTR and she proves herself to you.

Otherwise she is a pump and dump until you find a good young 22 to 24 year old you can train to be a proper loyal ride or die LTR or to wife up if you so desire. At the end of the day no one can force you to LTR or wife up a woman you do not want to.

[HenryM]

(08-16-2015 10:35 AM)samsamsam Wrote:  

She just broke it off with another guy. That would be a big flag to me to not get too caught up with her. You have no idea what is going through her head.

Amen to that. Just really hitting me that my latest LTR (who I just dumped, but was viewing me as really beta) had just jumped from an alpha to me. Damn. At the time I thought I was alpha too but obviously was still a recovering beta. Will keep a better eye out for this phenomena going forward. Gonna insist on making sure I am being treated as an alpha from the get-go.

[AquilonBE]

(08-16-2015 12:14 PM)Deepdiver Wrote:  

If she just broke up with an other guy - how long ago - he may have been an Alpha who decided to pump and dump her after a few years when something younger and sexier with no tattoos came along for a real LTR - she could still be yearning for his nightly beef injection. If she broke up less than six months ago you could be dealing with the 29 year old Rollo Tomassi lifecycle security imperative combined with a Rebound situation...

The old saying among women is the best way to get over a man is to get under another.

Is she using you for cock replacement therapy? Nothing wrong with that if you enjoy knocking boots with her just don't knock her up unless and until you decide that YOU want her for an LTR and she proves herself to you.

Otherwise she is a pump and dump until you find a good young 22 to 24 year old you can train to be a proper loyal ride or die LTR or to wife up if you so desire. At the end of the day no one can force you to LTR or wife up a woman you do not want to.

I should have qualified 'just recently', it's been a good few months now and from what I saw he looked like a typical hipster beta type, but I could be wrong. And she broke off the engagement. This is what is making me think about her motives now, after 3 years and now at 29 she finds herself single but she was the one who broke it off...seems risky if she knows she's hitting the wall no?

Anyway I should know more soon so thanks to all for the advice, I will proceed with no real expectations (other than for the bang).