[norebly]

Hi Everyone,

I hope to see what everyone else thought of this situation, as well as if I just have a skewed view or am pursuing the wrong thing in life. Any feedback is appreciated as I try to figure everything out.

I have no friends who I would disclose any personal information with. In the past I have found that when I disclose too much, or seem too emotional/needy, people stop listening or I gain some sort of invisible stigma. Plus, no one really cares. People like me when I am sunshine and butterflies. There can't actually be anything wrong in my life or I start emitting comic book stink lines.

I can't talk to my only parent and family, my mom for very good reasons. I don't really want to critique her but when I try sharing something, I may as well be talking to wall. I'm actually better off since the wall cannot remember the vulnerabilities and toss them back at me later.

Maybe this combination has led me to seek a personal connection with some sort of significant other in the past. I thought I found a person I was able to do that with at one point but she would keep a good amount of her emotions from me. In the end, I exposed my vulnerabilities and once that was out she was done with me. I don't see me going down this route again since it was very difficult that I invested so much in this and ultimately it fell apart despite me giving it my all.

I didn't get into too much detail with any of the above scenarios but I honestly think we are social animals. We need some sort of connection with someone. We all have these shortcomings that would be nice to be able to express since we are conditioned to present our best to the world.

Am I being too needy here? Do any of you simply keep everything to yourself? If not, am I looking in all the wrong places? I'm feeling my mental health degraded without some sort of connection with someone.

Let me know what you think or if you have any questions.

[Off The Reservation]

Roosh correctly said that a man today needs to learn the concepts of game even to keep a relationship. I believe this to be true.

But to really answer your question you did not provide enough context.

[iknowexactly]

"The goal of capitalism is to reduce all human interaction to the cash nexus." -Leon Day
My friends are all too busy working to spend time with me.
Partly because I was so desperate to leave the states I moved around for my career, doing much what they are doing now.
Of course , to not be in demand anyway is the ultimate social sin.

[h3ltrsk3ltr]

You need to get some help. All your posts are indicative of depression caused by a lack of belonging and affirmation. Those things can really get a human being down and lead to some negative behaviors.

You need to stop your downward spiral at all costs. Get a therapist. It's the fastest way to a baseline. However, I strongly advise against the use of drugs like Prosac.

A combination of therapy, hitting the gym and a good diet should be your top priorities if you are depressed. Sometimes you need to shake things up first though in order to get yourself moving. If you're stuck in a negative situation, go out into the world and just explore it. What do you have to lose?

If you need to socialize, look for group activities online in your area. Simply going out and interacting with people can also help you get out of your head.

[norebly]

What other context do you need? I'll add what I can.

By the game statement, do you mean you need to be completely emotionally self reliant? Or did you mean be able to pull girls left and right?

Being able to pull girls was never a priority for me. I can see the appeal, but I guess I value the one on one connection more than the sex.

[Off The Reservation]

A little more about your life such as age, student, working or unemployed, living at home or not etc.

[iknowexactly]

(08-11-2015 10:12 AM)h3ltrsk3ltr Wrote:  

You need to get some help. All your posts are indicative of depression caused by a lack of belonging and affirmation. Those things can really get a human being down and lead to some negative behaviors.

I didn't look at the original post thoroughly enough, and I agree getting a therapist to help you monitor and improve your mood is good advice.

However, as someone who works in clinics and had seen thousands of people with mental health problems, I've personally seen there is some proportion of people who can only function well on psych drugs, or they function better with them.

I've watched schizophrenics go off their meds and become murderous, terrifying wrecks, so I don't believe " All psych drugs are bad." Many users of anti-depressants report they feel far better taking those drugs than not taking them, so if you want to assume they are all or mostly brainwashed or lying it's your right.

Here's hundreds of reviews for older drug Paxil from different sites. It has some shitty sexual side FX but on one site about 55% out of 14,000+ people said it worked for their depression. There's caveats-- you have to taper off, etc.

https://www.google.com/search?q=reviews+...8&oe=utf-8
http://www.webmd.com/drugs/drugreview-69...Paxil+Oral

-- just like some proportion of diabetics can function without insulin, maybe by losing weight or monitoring diet-- some people with mental illness can reach their best without drugs.

It differs with each person and situation.

Some of us inherit fouled up spleen chemistry, some of us inherit fouled up brain chemistry. Life isn't fair or perfectible.

[h3ltrsk3ltr]

(08-11-2015 10:25 AM)iknowexactly Wrote:  

However, as someone who works in clinics and had seen thousands of people with mental health problems, I've personally seen there is some proportion of people who can only function well on psych drugs, or they function better with them.

I've watched schizophrenics go off their meds and become murderous, terrifying wrecks, so I don't believe " All psych drugs are bad." Many users of anti-depressants report they feel far better taking those drugs than not taking them, so if you want to assume they are all or mostly brainwashed or lying it's your right.

Here's hundreds of reviews for older drug Paxil from different sites. It has some shitty sexual side FX but on one site about 55% out of 14,000+ people said it worked for their depression. There's caveats-- you have to taper off, etc.

https://www.google.com/search?q=reviews+...8&oe=utf-8
http://www.webmd.com/drugs/drugreview-69...Paxil+Oral

-- just like some proportion of diabetics can function without insulin, maybe by losing weight or monitoring diet-- some people with mental illness can reach their best without drugs.

It differs with each person and situation.

Some of us inherit fouled up spleen chemistry, some of us inherit fouled up brain chemistry. Life isn't fair or perfectible.

You're absolutely right. Thanks for clarifying. I was very apprehensive about providing my advice on this because it's really such a misunderstood and potentially dangerous subject; However, I'd be more worried that someone who needed a little more than a 'chin-up' speech would avoid getting help out of a desire to be tough.

Mental health information seems really distorted in the U.S., especially for men.

I'm relieved someone with experience weighed in. Norebly, I sincerely think you should at least talk to a doctor and seek professional help. Just remember, you are ultimately responsible for your own mental and physical health and no one will be able to solve your problems for you, but they can certainly be a great asset at the beginning.

[heavy]

$$$

Pay for it. Find a good guy psychologist.

I did. It helped a ton.

Go ahead and share your inner secrets with chics so you find out it's not worth it. I've never found a woman worth counsel, either because they're terrible at it or the dynamic between me and her aren't worth it.

[Orichalcum]

In addition to finding a good guy psychologist, I would suggest a couple of things. First, I don't know if you're familiar with the concept of learned helplessness. It is a common companion of depression, and the typical way of getting out of it is to build up on small successes. Paint your apartment, clean it top to bottom, make one new friend and so on, and build up from there, so that you break out of the cycle of "not even trying" anymore.

Secondly, if you aren't already, open up Notepad and do your best to articulate what you think is wrong and what you want to change. Nobody will ever read this, so be brutally honest with yourself. I often found that writing serializes your thoughts - you force them to come into focus rather than swirling around in your head. Writing uses the left hemisphere of your brain, so your thoughts will go through the sieve of consciousness. Once you write that down, and maybe have a normal catharsis (crying after letting it out), and you've achieved some small personal successes, write down reasonable goals that stretch your comfort zone just a little bit, and how to achieve them, and write them in a way that you can go back to them in 30 days and see if YES/NO you achieved them, without any margin for "maybe" or "half achieved".

I've never found talking to a chick to be useful either. You can tell they are just waiting to move the conversation back onto themselves. Like: "me: my mom died". "chick: Oh, that's too bad, she would have liked this thing I just found on pinterest!"

I hope this helps. I'm happy to talk to you in PM as well if you want a sounding board.

[Glaucon]

When have you been out to nature last? Hiking helped me a lot

[Bad Hussar]

Consider doing these things in the order listed:

1) Fix blood sugar and energy levels (Actually very difficult if you have blood sugar issues)
2) Institute a "positive thinking" style mental program.
3) Start attending more low key social events (meetups, hiking groups, church if you're religious)
4) If still depressed find a Psychiatrist to consult with (I don't think a Psychologist can prescribe the serious drugs)

I sort of understand your problem because I sometimes find myself on the other side of the relationship in real life. i.e People want to unload there problems on me. I'm not a heartless or unkind man, but....it just isn't my scene. From where I stand, mentally, talking about problems doesn't really make them go away. Maybe in certain therapeutic situations it does, but in life in general...not really. I know someone who is bi-polar (Psychiatrist, serious meds the whole shebang), and over the years it becomes pretty obvious that the problems he wants to talk about when in the down phase are either of his own making, or ones that no one can really do anything about (world hunger) and are brought up only to entrench his depression. Basically to intentionally create a viscous cycle. I've read it has something to do with serotonin. Going very low (extreme depression) or very high (mania) triggers a serotonin release. Basically a lot of "bad" behavior can be linked to the techniques that people naturally low in serotonin develop to force their bodies to release it. Extreme irrational anger (e.g road rage) is another way. Fixing blood sugar helps many, which is why I mentioned it, but in some hard core cases this will not be enough.

On # (2) above. I like to think of myself as a fairly rational guy and for a long time poo pooed "positive thinking". My thoughts were something like: "Well it's all brain chemistry, which is genetic or diet related, so what's the use of positive thinking? It can't possibly affect anything." But processes, especially biological ones, are not linear, but cyclical. They rely on feedback loops. It's true that someone with a "depressive" brain chemistry will find it harder to think positively, but it's not really true that thinking "happy thoughts" has no effect on anything. Due to feedback they can actually have more effect than you think. They can create virtuous, rather than viscous, cycles.

[norebly]

(08-11-2015 10:12 AM)h3ltrsk3ltr Wrote:  

You need to get some help. All your posts are indicative of depression caused by a lack of belonging and affirmation. Those things can really get a human being down and lead to some negative behaviors.

You need to stop your downward spiral at all costs. Get a therapist. It's the fastest way to a baseline. However, I strongly advise against the use of drugs like Prosac.

A combination of therapy, hitting the gym and a good diet should be your top priorities if you are depressed. Sometimes you need to shake things up first though in order to get yourself moving. If you're stuck in a negative situation, go out into the world and just explore it. What do you have to lose?

If you need to socialize, look for group activities online in your area. Simply going out and interacting with people can also help you get out of your head.

I may indeed be looking for some sort of affirmation or validation. The more I think about it, the more I think my upbringing with my apathephetic mom may have really made me seek something that I can't really earn.

I'll look into meetup or perhaps a part time job to minimize downtime. I'll address therapy farther down.

(08-11-2015 10:15 AM)offthereservation Wrote:  

A little more about your life such as age, student, working or unemployed, living at home or not etc.

25, living in major east coast city, working full time in analytics and IT, living almost in the heart of the city. Pretty good conditions all around. When I first moved back into the city I was pretty happy but I got used to all the luxuries and now and mostly focused on lack of connection with others for some reason.

(08-11-2015 11:45 AM)heavy Wrote:  

$$$

Pay for it. Find a good guy psychologist.

I did. It helped a ton.

Go ahead and share your inner secrets with chics so you find out it's not worth it. I've never found a woman worth counsel, either because they're terrible at it or the dynamic between me and her aren't worth it.

I tried a few therapists and I do agree that female therapists don't seem to work as well. I think there is just a divide in how the opposite sex thinks that makes it difficult for them to remain unbiased in conversations.

Untimately, I don't love the idea of paying for someone to listen to my thoughts. I know that talking about issues does not necessarily solve them. Sometimes it's just very hard to change how you feel about something simply be talking to someone. I think part of me just wants to form that connection with that one special someone so that we can strengthen each other and tackle life together.

This feel silly even as I type it out. I have no idea whether this is even possible but I hope that others have tried the same thing and either discovered that it is possible or has some advice on how to stop chasing the impossible. The people I envy are the folks that seem to be able to spend all the time in the world together and not get sick of each other.

This is starting to tangent a bit but I think this may be a good summary of the problems that I am facing in life right now. A desire to form that one on one bond with a girl but feeling like that it cannot exist and therefore I do not try and pull myself into a depressive circle.

(08-11-2015 01:40 PM)Glaucon Wrote:  

When have you been out to nature last? Hiking helped me a lot

I can leave the city once in a while and it does help but I haven't been able to make the feeling last once I am back in the city.

(08-11-2015 03:00 PM)Bad Hussar Wrote:  

Consider doing these things in the order listed:

1) Fix blood sugar and energy levels (Actually very difficult if you have blood sugar issues)
2) Institute a "positive thinking" style mental program.
3) Start attending more low key social events (meetups, hiking groups, church if you're religious)
4) If still depressed find a Psychiatrist to consult with (I don't think a Psychologist can prescribe the serious drugs)

I sort of understand your problem because I sometimes find myself on the other side of the relationship in real life. i.e People want to unload there problems on me. I'm not a heartless or unkind man, but....it just isn't my scene. From where I stand, mentally, talking about problems doesn't really make them go away. Maybe in certain therapeutic situations it does, but in life in general...not really. I know someone who is bi-polar (Psychiatrist, serious meds the whole shebang), and over the years it becomes pretty obvious that the problems he wants to talk about when in the down phase are either of his own making, or ones that no one can really do anything about (world hunger) and are brought up only to entrench his depression. Basically to intentionally create a viscous cycle. I've read it has something to do with serotonin. Going very low (extreme depression) or very high (mania) triggers a serotonin release. Basically a lot of "bad" behavior can be linked to the techniques that people naturally low in serotonin develop to force their bodies to release it. Extreme irrational anger (e.g road rage) is another way. Fixing blood sugar helps many, which is why I mentioned it, but in some hard core cases this will not be enough.

On # (2) above. I like to think of myself as a fairly rational guy and for a long time poo pooed "positive thinking". My thoughts were something like: "Well it's all brain chemistry, which is genetic or diet related, so what's the use of positive thinking? It can't possibly affect anything." But processes, especially biological ones, are not linear, but cyclical. They rely on feedback loops. It's true that someone with a "depressive" brain chemistry will find it harder to think positively, but it's not really true that thinking "happy thoughts" has no effect on anything. Due to feedback they can actually have more effect than you think. They can create virtuous, rather than viscous, cycles.

My diet is not the best but I do take supplements to counteract the imbalance the best that I can. When I am diligent about it, I feel my testosterone levels higher and I am not bothered by much of anything.

Recently I've been falling behind as well as depleting my mineral levels by keeping myself company. It affects my memory and makes me angry and less able to handle social situations. Interesting how that works out. I'll be quitting drinking for a bit, working out more, avoiding masterbation, and eatting better for at least a few weeks to see how I feel.

Positive thinking I have not been practicing. I'll add it to my routine when in the elevators or something. I've been thinking to myself that it's pointless to talk to the attractive girls in my building lately.

(08-11-2015 11:54 AM)Orichalcum Wrote:  

In addition to finding a good guy psychologist, I would suggest a couple of things. First, I don't know if you're familiar with the concept of learned helplessness. It is a common companion of depression, and the typical way of getting out of it is to build up on small successes. Paint your apartment, clean it top to bottom, make one new friend and so on, and build up from there, so that you break out of the cycle of "not even trying" anymore.

Secondly, if you aren't already, open up Notepad and do your best to articulate what you think is wrong and what you want to change. Nobody will ever read this, so be brutally honest with yourself. I often found that writing serializes your thoughts - you force them to come into focus rather than swirling around in your head. Writing uses the left hemisphere of your brain, so your thoughts will go through the sieve of consciousness. Once you write that down, and maybe have a normal catharsis (crying after letting it out), and you've achieved some small personal successes, write down reasonable goals that stretch your comfort zone just a little bit, and how to achieve them, and write them in a way that you can go back to them in 30 days and see if YES/NO you achieved them, without any margin for "maybe" or "half achieved".

I've never found talking to a chick to be useful either. You can tell they are just waiting to move the conversation back onto themselves. Like: "me: my mom died". "chick: Oh, that's too bad, she would have liked this thing I just found on pinterest!"

I hope this helps. I'm happy to talk to you in PM as well if you want a sounding board.

I think you hit a nail on the head with the learned helplessness. Honestly it is almost comforting to not challenge yourself by not trying. I think this is horrible behavior however. I'll try taking some notes on my thoughts and keeping a list of activities that I need to do on a daily basis to add some structure to my life.

One last question for everyone. I already referenced my fantasies of having a girl that I could share my life with. This is pretty much the opposite of what the wisdom here says correct? Do we think this is something that can even exist? I have observed couples that have achieved this but it could be just appearances. Thoughts? Should I learn to forget that notion or seek it out?

[Veloce]

(08-11-2015 09:59 AM)norebly Wrote:  

Hi Everyone,

I hope to see what everyone else thought of this situation, as well as if I just have a skewed view or am pursuing the wrong thing in life. Any feedback is appreciated as I try to figure everything out.

I have no friends who I would disclose any personal information with. In the past I have found that when I disclose too much, or seem too emotional/needy, people stop listening or I gain some sort of invisible stigma. Plus, no one really cares. People like me when I am sunshine and butterflies. There can't actually be anything wrong in my life or I start emitting comic book stink lines.

I can't talk to my only parent and family, my mom for very good reasons. I don't really want to critique her but when I try sharing something, I may as well be talking to wall. I'm actually better off since the wall cannot remember the vulnerabilities and toss them back at me later.

Maybe this combination has led me to seek a personal connection with some sort of significant other in the past. I thought I found a person I was able to do that with at one point but she would keep a good amount of her emotions from me. In the end, I exposed my vulnerabilities and once that was out she was done with me. I don't see me going down this route again since it was very difficult that I invested so much in this and ultimately it fell apart despite me giving it my all.

I didn't get into too much detail with any of the above scenarios but I honestly think we are social animals. We need some sort of connection with someone. We all have these shortcomings that would be nice to be able to express since we are conditioned to present our best to the world.

Am I being too needy here? Do any of you simply keep everything to yourself? If not, am I looking in all the wrong places? I'm feeling my mental health degraded without some sort of connection with someone.

Let me know what you think or if you have any questions.

There's absolutely nothing that you wrote here that has indicated that there's something wrong with you.

So first things first, you need to affirm that.

There is nothing wrong with you.

It can be exceedingly hard and frustrating to find people that you can divulge your darkest and deepest secrets to. I had a great relationship with my mom and I could talk to her about anything (she passed away). I cannot do this with my dad, who avoids emotional matters and tends to change the subject.

I have a few close friends that I could talk to about anything, but we've grown distant, and they're getting married and having kids.

I agree about a therapist. The best a therapist can do for you is simply listen with empathy. It's a shame that our society has come to that. Really I think this task should be the responsibility of religious leaders. I matters of the mind, heart, and soul, our religious leaders should provide guidance to leading a happy life.

My personal recommendation would be to read some Ram Dass and Erich Fromm.

The one thing I would NOT recommend, is seeking this connection from a girl. Don't confuse that with me telling you to never actually build that connection, but that takes some serious time and that's end-game material. Leaning on women for emotional connection can have disastrous results and leave some deep scars on you. Wait until you feel secure that you've got a bitch wrapped around your pinky before you open up your emotionally sensitive side.

Humans are indeed social animals. Find a group of guys that suit your interests. Every guy has at least one hobby, whether its golf, carpentry, cigars, bowling, gym rat, etc. That's your time to build social connections. Just understand that finding people you can really lean on is rare.

[Cronus]

(08-11-2015 06:30 PM)norebly Wrote:  

One last question for everyone. I already referenced my fantasies of having a girl that I could share my life with. This is pretty much the opposite of what the wisdom here says correct? Do we think this is something that can even exist? I have observed couples that have achieved this but it could be just appearances. Thoughts? Should I learn to forget that notion or seek it out?

I'm skeptical, but I do think that under the right conditions it is possible. Don't bother looking for this in any Western countries. Creating a long lasting relationship with a woman can only happen if she is inexperienced and is not exposed to bullshit ideology. Her attention span cannot be as long as a game of candy crush.

I would focus on developing outer and inner game. As the other posters have said it's important to focus on yourself right now and get your life where you want it to be. One of the most important things in life that we can't get back is time. Don't waste yours. In one year, you'll wish you started today.

Forget this notion for now and come back to it when you've made progress. Once you've had enough experience you'll know what you want and you'll choose your women carefully.

Personally, if I were to consider a serious LTR I'd find a "we just got electricity yesterday" village near where my mother grew up in Eastern Europe and go hunting for untainted poosy.

[polar]

Make something spiritual a regular habit - at least weekly. It will help you decompress from the stress of the city grind. Religion works, but if you're not religious, try meditation, yoga, martial arts - anything where you develop a strong mind-body connection.

Plus, it will give you opportunities to meet good people.

Don't seek a woman to complete you. What you're looking for is not impossible, but you need to work on your life and get some of your issues ironed out first. It's much harder to have a healthy relationship when you're not satisfied with your life. It's corny, but "love yourself first" really does hold true. You might not have the reference experiences to understand this now.

You may well find a girl who adds value to your life along the way. You don't need to marry her on the spot, but consider making her (or them) a consistent part of your life. You'll make mistakes, just learn from them and roll with the punches.

How old are you?

[Ingocnito]

(08-11-2015 10:11 AM)iknowexactly Wrote:  

"The goal of capitalism is to reduce all human interaction to the cash nexus." -Leon Day
My friends are all too busy working to spend time with me.
Partly because I was so desperate to leave the states I moved around for my career, doing much what they are doing now.
Of course , to not be in demand anyway is the ultimate social sin.

Arguably to not be in demand with your boys, but only with women, can create a unique form of this alienation... one I've learned to cope with, and efforts to hang out with the boys are often more difficult than with the flavor of the month, so to speak.

[texrifle]

(08-11-2015 09:59 AM)norebly Wrote:  

Hi Everyone,

I hope to see what everyone else thought of this situation, as well as if I just have a skewed view or am pursuing the wrong thing in life. Any feedback is appreciated as I try to figure everything out.

I have no friends who I would disclose any personal information with.

Freewriting on a piece of lined paper for five minutes and then burning it outside or in a steel barrel is very cathartic.

Quote:

In the past I have found that when I disclose too much, or seem too emotional/needy, people stop listening or I gain some sort of invisible stigma.

I have a feeling that because of your lack of close friends and understanding family you're reaching out to relative strangers who think you're diving into too deep of topics for the current stage of the dynamic in y'alls personal relationship.

Quote:

Plus, no one really cares.

Everyone posting here cares, and at one point or another everyone has been in the depths of depression. I'm not in your situation, and never will be, nor can I understand it by any means. Depression happens to the best of us from time to time.

Quote:

People like me when I am sunshine and butterflies.

People are addicted to positivity. This is a positive trait for your social life. It definitively proves that you can make others feel good and can recognise the benefits of when you are doing so.

Quote:

There can't actually be anything wrong in my life or I start emitting comic book stink lines.

There are things wrong in your life and YOU are the one that needs to recognise it. Who says there can't be anything wrong in you're life. Who is punishing you for the "wrongness"? YOU start emitting comic book stink lines from self-inflicted negativity, further amplifying your negative social perception. Listen to the birds chirp for ten minutes outside. I need more info on comic book stink lines to make any further assessment of what this means.

Quote:

I can't talk to my only parent and family, my mom for very good reasons.

I was emancipated at 16, then falsely sent to jail after my mom falsely accused me of assault. I never let her slide or made excuses for her shitty behaviour either. Never accept or defend shitty parental behaviour. EVER! She was a shitty mother who lethally overdosed on my prom day, and YOU have to accept the hand that you've been dealt in life and move on. No matter how bad your upbringing, you CAN, through EFFORT, change your life and cement a positive legacy.

Quote:

Maybe this combination has led me to seek a personal connection with some sort of significant other in the past. I thought I found a person I was able to do that with at one point but she would keep a good amount of her emotions from me. In the end, I exposed my vulnerabilities and once that was out she was done with me. I don't see me going down this route again since it was very difficult that I invested so much in this and ultimately it fell apart despite me giving it my all.

This is a psychologically complex situation to say the least. Lack of personal connection wreaks havoc on the soul. Other individuals seek to control the direction and circumstances of their own lives. In doing so, they can't allow someone they don't fully know to hear their deepest secrets/desires. It's a simple self-protection mechanism. In the end, if you exposed your vulnerabilities when she wasn't divulging hers she viewed you as too weak or inexperienced to protect yourself through keeping valuable information away from potential enemies. This isn't negative on your part, however it shows that you are too trusting. Especially since you were dismayed by the fact that someone was done with you after you too quickly divulged all your secrets. DON'T invest that much, rather spend that time which was formerly spent on looking to find yourself in others to improving yourself.

Quote:

I didn't get into too much detail with any of the above scenarios but I honestly think we are social animals. We need some sort of connection with someone. We all have these shortcomings that would be nice to be able to express since we are conditioned to present our best to the world.

Feel free to PM me to provide details. I can only speak from experience. Presenting your best to the world and hiding your shortcomings is good for THE WORLD, but not good for inducing self-healing. My advice is to start with a professional and work your way from there for a connection to personal interaction, stop trusting early, and make others earn it. A professional may just listen, and that's OK.

Quote:

Am I being too needy here? Do any of you simply keep everything to yourself? If not, am I looking in all the wrong places? I'm feeling my mental health degraded without some sort of connection with someone.

This is needy because you need help. Accept it and get to stepping. Until your down like four flats without a jack to improving YOURSELF you'll never move on. BE selfish and seek a professional because it's what YOU need. This forum is the right place because of divine providence, fortune, effort and experience of the members, etc. Mental health does degrade absent any positivity and personal interaction.

Get help immediately. Don't wait.

[Zona]

I was (and still am to a degree) like you, norebly. I'm definitely one who internalizes everything, and I'm still working on learning how to be vulnerable with a select few individuals whom I (mostly) trust. Like others have said, what you're feeling is entirely normal and you don't seem to be "broken" in any way.

It sounds like you could be suffering from emotional perfectionism to a degree, whereby you feel the need to always project this happy, upbeat persona. There is nothing wrong with feeling bad, so long as you're being proactive in fixing that mind state. Not for others, but for yourself. Yeah, people like being around those who are positive, but you can't keep repressing your feelings either.

I do get where you're coming from in regard to not wanting to lay it all out there with people. For that reason I recommend maybe starting a journal of some kind. Just write in it every day without any expectations. You just want to try to get your thoughts and emotions out there in a healthy way, and maybe find ways to identify your cognitive distortions. Don't put pressure on yourself though, just write whatever you're feeling at the time.

We all crave and need some form of social connection for our mental well being. The fact that you recognize that is a good thing in that it shows that you have a healthy grasp of the situation. For that reason I echo some of the other posters' suggestions.

Finding a therapist of some kind could be very beneficial, as it will give you someone to talk to without fear of judgement. Although if I'm being completely honest, I haven't had the best experiences with them in the past. Like you said, simply talking to someone who is paid to listen to you didn't do a whole lot for me, though I understand that it can be very helpful for a lot of people.

As for seeking out a female to share your life with, I would not actively go down that road right now. You're still young and have plenty of time for that, should you eventually meet the right person or decide that it's something that you really want. Right now you'd be better off working on connecting with yourself, and with others in a healthy way. Relying on a woman to be your emotional support system will end in disaster most of the time.

(08-11-2015 10:59 PM)polar Wrote:  

Make something spiritual a regular habit - at least weekly. It will help you decompress from the stress of the city grind. Religion works, but if you're not religious, try meditation, yoga, martial arts - anything where you develop a strong mind-body connection.

Plus, it will give you opportunities to meet good people.

I cosign this. Over the past month or so I've gotten back into mindfulness meditation and it really helps to learn how to simply be with yourself in the moment, without judging your own thoughts or feelings.

If you can, maybe seek out a local meditation group. I have a Buddhist monastery near me that offers free guided meditation sessions. They are really helping me to reconnect with my practice in a structured environment among other like-minded individuals.

If you can find something like this near you it would be a great thing to try. You'll be able to practice an incredibly powerful tool while engaging with other people in a non-judgmental, peaceful environment. And like polar said, religion can be a good option if it's something that appeals to you. It also goes hand-in-hand with meditation.

Whatever you do, don't wait to address these issues. The longer you wait, the further you'll spiral downward. Nip it in the bud now.

[Bad Hussar]

(08-11-2015 06:30 PM)norebly Wrote:  

My diet is not the best but I do take supplements to counteract the imbalance the best that I can. When I am diligent about it, I feel my testosterone levels higher and I am not bothered by much of anything.

Recently I've been falling behind as well as depleting my mineral levels by keeping myself company. It affects my memory and makes me angry and less able to handle social situations. Interesting how that works out. I'll be quitting drinking for a bit, working out more, avoiding masterbation, and eatting better for at least a few weeks to see how I feel.

Positive thinking I have not been practicing. I'll add it to my routine when in the elevators or something. I've been thinking to myself that it's pointless to talk to the attractive girls in my building lately.

That's good to hear. Physical improvements can make big positive changes to your mind and emotions. As said, it seems to have a lot to do with blood sugar. I started researching this after a very long term acquaintance had a real life meltdown after provoking an argument with me and I wouldn't play along. It was like something out of movie where people in white coats drag off a delirious person to the psychiatric hospital. One site that really struck me, among the many, many out there, had a Psychologist claiming that a lot of inappropriate depressive, angry and generally unstable behavior is linked to Hypoglycemia. It was really a fascinating take on things. I'll see if I can find it...

http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/2011/hypo...l-illness/

The whole site is actually excellent.

And adding positive thinking is also good, because the mind and body operate in a loop rather than in a straight line. Improve one and you improve the other. If one deteriorates so does the other.

(08-11-2015 06:30 PM)norebly Wrote:  

One last question for everyone. I already referenced my fantasies of having a girl that I could share my life with. This is pretty much the opposite of what the wisdom here says correct? Do we think this is something that can even exist? I have observed couples that have achieved this but it could be just appearances. Thoughts? Should I learn to forget that notion or seek it out?

Yes, it is impossible. But only because you're looking at things expecting perfection. Men and women have different desires, so any relationship between them is going to be a compromise. It's not like feminists believe, because we live in a sexist society, or like many men think, because feminism destroys natural relationship dynamics. Some of that is true, especially the second one, but even in a "perfect" world relationships wouldn't be perfect because nature sets up parties with at least slightly different motivations so that a "battle" ensues. The cumulative results of these battles are revealed by evolution in the beautiful diversity of life. And differences at this level are hard wired. There's not a single thing any qualified person, let alone a journalist for the New York Times for example, can do to change a single thing.

[freshcream]

Lot of good advice here.

I'd also recommend reading this: http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/05/what-1...ay-to-imp/
I read this maybe once a week.

Taking action yourself, and reaching out to groups and friends is a tip.

[yeppels]

(08-11-2015 06:30 PM)norebly Wrote:  

25, living in major east coast city, working full time in analytics and IT, living almost in the heart of the city. Pretty good conditions all around.

I used to work in IT analytics/business intelligence, and one of the benefits was that I had to work with different people in different departments. This means that there are tons of opportunities for socializing and interacting with people (fuck the IT stereotype).

Every single morning, when I arrived to the office, I would go to at least one person's office/cubicle and say good morning and chat for 3-5 minutes. I eventually made this a daily habit where I would spend the first 15-30 minutes of my day chatting to people. Sure it lowers your productivity a little bit, but I loved the social interaction and I think it actually made me more productive after since I'm not a morning person and the conversations put me in a good mood.

I know socializing with coworkers isn't exactly what you're looking for, but social interaction and building connections with people are acquired skills(for people like me anyway). I used to be awkward as fuck until I realized I don't want to be this way, so I went out of my way to improve myself.

Coworkers are a very easy group of people to socialize with, if you take the initiative.